"The Joe Schmo Show"--episode 3

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Matt was still annoyed about Gina voting for him. He made sure to apologize to Molly for voting for her, because that's how he is. There was another rigged show, designed to make all the guys wear stupid costumes and clean the house. This allowed Hutch to take some pictures of his ass to put in Kip's photo album, so they could have a fight about it later and Kip could get really pissed. Matt did not kick Hutch's ass, even though everyone thought he probably would. Then they all got on the hot tub and said nice things about each other. (click for more)

Unlike the first episode this isn't billed as a two-hour episode or a two-parter. I'm so well trained it seems really weird the episode didn't end with someone's elimination.

At today's production meeting, the director tells everyone not to play their hand. Also Ashleigh has to defuse the whole thing where she made Matt think she likes him. Immediately.

At lunch Ashleigh immediately tells Matt she has a crush on Ralph. He nicely admits he could see it because Ashleigh is the kind of girl to go for an “older” man who is “successful”. So he's saying she's a gold digger. Ashleigh continues on to say that she thinks Molly is throwing herself at Ralph and also that she wants to thank Matt for being like a brother to her. Well, that'll defuse the situation. Matt says in confessional he has thrown all his aspirations for Ashleigh out the window. He probably actually did. Ashleigh insists there is no way Molly's never worn a bikini because she's too comfortable in it, and she's voting for Molly tonight. Matt can't believe Molly really isn't that innocent, and that it's all an act. Molly admits to Matt later that it's hard to live with Ashleigh and she might ask to switch rooms. The minute Ashleigh leaves Matt's like hey you guys let's all vote for Ashleigh. Well, really just Molly and Brian. Brian says he's in (as he chuckles inwardly about how Matt is surely over Ashleigh not liking him), but Molly isn't yet. But she'll at least not say anything. Brian gloats that Matt has taken every bait they've thrown out. Hutch agrees too, because it means Matt's not voting for him. Earl's in, but Dr. Pat's kind of annoyed he just told her that's what's happening, rather than asking if she will join them. Matt wants to keep the “realist, most fun people who don't cause tension.”

Time for the next game! Brian interviews that this is the dumbest set-up ever and how can Matt not see through this? Today is a talent show with special guest judge Jerri Manthey from Survivor. Brian plays the xylophone? Sure. Jerri's role is to be a total bitch and give everyone low scores. Dr. Pat acts out some scene with her therapy dolls. I guess it's supposed to be her life? Earl is giggling and Matt is upset for her which is cute. Molly...is hula hooping. Of course she is. Ralph gives her a super high score, and Matt just kinds of shrugs that he's a single guy and he can do what he wants. Ashleigh thinks Matt is loving that Ashleigh isn't getting her way. Earl breaks down a rifle. Matt beatboxes which is actually not bad. There is also some dancing which is maybe not as great as the beatboxing. But points for bringing out some cardboard to dance on.

Ashleigh comes out in a bikini, spreads paint on herself, then rolls around on the canvas. Well really she just falls down face first and lies there. Then sulks about her crap score. Kip does some really shitty magic, and while most people are laughing at him Matt cheers and volunteers to pick a card and then lies about how that's totally his card! Hee. Hutch goes last and sings “America the Beautiful.” Right?! All serious! Jerri gives him a 9, when the highest score she's given so far was 5. So Hutch wins immunity, begs for a hug from Jerri, and then tells everyone last night he peed in the hot tub.

The boys sit in the hot tub and bug Hutch a little bit about having a nice night in the hot tub when he said nice things, and now he's being an asshole again. Kip says he's not taking Hutch's apologies anymore, and he's lucky he won immunity. Earl and Matt encourage Kip to ignore Hutch.

There's a nice interlude where Matt brags about his great bathroom in the master suite, how huge it is and how there's two sinks and a magnifying mirror. And how there's a bidet (that Kip had to explain to him about). Heh.

At dinner Kip confronts Matt about voting for Ashleigh. Matt hadn't talked to him because he knew Kip and Ashleigh were close. Kip won't vote for her, and Matt promises that he's not mad about it. Matt doesn't want to explain himself here, and they seem to part agreeing to disagree.

On the table of dishes at the eviction ceremony, instead of Gina's plate there's a pile of ashes. Let's ignore the fact that ceramics don't burn like that, but OK. Ralph comes in and gives his dumb speech again. He does weirdly add that the votes can't be changed or overturned. Today's fake votes are Kip saying Dr. Pat farted in her sleep and Dr. Pat saying Kip is a liar. The votes are four for Earl, three for Ashleigh, one for Brian. Aww. Earl says he learned “a little bit from you young people” but he would like to single out Kip because he learned the most from him. The girls are crying. Matt's crying too. He sits on the staircase and says nothing is worth this. “Why put yourself through this? For what?” He's questioning why he even came. The girls admit they were really crying. Everyone is questioning this because they don't want to put Matt through this, they don't want to upset him this much. The producers are trying to decide if they're going to go through with the show or what.

Next time: they do continue with the show but the plan to make everyone feel a little better backfires in a spectacular fashion.