"The Joe Schmo Show"--episode 2

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: in the second part of the premiere, Matt defended Kip from Hutch, also recognized a porn star and got to touch her boob, and “won” the Master Suite where he can sleep by himself. Gina did what I felt was a terrible acting job, especially after everyone “found” her whiteboard of impressions of everyone, but Matt assumed she was acting weird because she was screwing him over by voting for him. Gina was eliminated and gave a Survivor rip-off speech. (click for more)

In the show previouslies, we're reminded that Kip brought a photo album and camera as his creature comfort and asked people to only be positive, and that Matt flirted with Ashleigh because he thought she was flirting with him.

In today's production meeting, the director encourages more bitchiness from Ashleigh, more fighting between Kip and Hutch, and one-on-one time for Molly and Matt. Plus Kip should show everyone how nice his photo album is so far. It was a little hairy last night but more “real” today.

Matt dreamed his mom came to the show, and he realizes this is the longest he's gone without talking to his family. Outside at lunch Kip encourages everyone to take pictures for his album and they pass it around. Molly starts talking about Texas and her grandparents, and living in Texas. Randomly Matt's like “wait why do you live in Wisconsin?” I guess because she told him she lives in Wisconsin and now she's talking about living in Texas. As she's fumbling for an answer she just stops talking and says she bit her tongue really hard and just leaves. Well I guess that's one way to get out of that conversation. Ashleigh says some nonsense about how Molly has a really big tongue and I guess that's all it takes because Matt drops it.

Matt's been looking at Molly all weird which freaks her out, but he really just wants to talk about how he wanted to vote for Gina but he didn't. Really he wants to come clean with Molly and admit he's the one who voted for her. He promised not to vote for Gina, so he picked someone randomly, knowing Gina would go home. Molly just makes him promise not to vote for her next time. Of course Molly was freaking out this whole time that her Wisconsin/Texas screw up had doomed her, but he just didn't want her to worry that someone was plotting against her.

Today's game is a Battle of the Sexes, which is rigged to advance their next storyline. Kip's playing for the girls team, of course. The losing team has to clean the mansion in their penalty outfits. Winning team gets pampering outside the mansion. So the questions are sexual questions about the other contestants, like “this person lost their virginity in a mall bathroom.” Earl misses the first question, meaning he has to dress like Little Bo Peep and do a pole dance with the shepherd's crook. Sigh. Molly loses next, so she has to dress like a sexy cop and “search” for drugs on Ashleigh. Cue a lot of encouragement for her to take her time and be thorough. Sigh. Of course they're in her butt. Supposedly we're claiming Molly was in a bondage video because they did some church video where she ended up tied up in a trunk. Dumb. Matt dresses like a schoolgirl and has Brian spank him. He's a really good sport about it, but I'm noticing a disparity in the punishment outfits. But Matt plays up how he likes his spanking. Then we discover Matt would love to hook up with Oprah. Ashleigh's penalty outfit is some overalls. Really? Disparity. Hutch is in a French maid outfit. He has to give a footrub to Earl which everyone hates. Ralph was in charge of how long everyone had to do their penalties so he made sure to amuse himself as much as possible. Kip was supposed to get everything right. Matt guessed the last question right, but Brian ignored his advice and so the boys team lost. Also Brian is a playboy bunny. Who had to eat a carrot from between Matt's knees.

Matt tells everyone to have fun, as he has to clean the mansion in his penalty outfit with the rest of his team. Hutch goes off by himself, while the other two make sure Matt doesn't try to join him. This is because Hutch is busy taking pictures of his ass to put in Kip's photo album. After removing all the other pictures, of course. Brian tries to suggest to Matt that they short-sheet the bed, but Matt is like “no they won fair and square let's just clean the house you guys”. Matt is totally that one good guy who is voted out too early because everyone figures out they can't beat him in the end. Hutch is kind of nervous about what will happen later.

When the girls team (plus Kip) get back they show off their pedicures, and then of course Kip goes to get the camera so they can all take a picture of their feet. He leaves everyone to put the pictures in his album, while the rest of them hang out in the pool room. He comes back down really pissed off, wanting to know who put all the ass shots in his photo album. Matt immediately says it wasn't him. Earl kind of shrugs that it's just photos. Kip doesn't know how this happened without all of them knowing about it, and Brian agrees with Matt, but Kip says whoever did it implicated themselves so he'll pull their pants down right now. Behind him you can see Ashleigh start to lose it and turn around. Hutch admits it was him and it's not a big deal. He then says he can't go get the original pictures because he cut them up. Everyone is pissed off, but they are all also worried Matt might kick Hutch's ass. He thought it would be funny and didn't think Kip would freak out, is his excuse. Matt says if he really cut them up he needs to look at himself. Kip says he needs to talk to Dr. Pat. Matt says this is what he was talking about, Hutch being an asshole. Hutch claims he was just kidding and the pictures are fine. It makes zero sense. When Kip came in all pissed he clearly wasn't taking it well, so to keep up your “prank” and say you cut up the original pictures is dumb because obviously no one thinks this is funny. Why would you keep your prank going at that point? Matt's like you'd better win immunity tomorrow because I'm voting you the fuck out. I like this storyline. Meanwhile Dr. Pat and Kip are in the bedroom giggling uncontrollably.

Kip comes out of the bedroom and says Dr. Pat is a genius and he's happy. Hutch apologizes, but Kip is super calm about it now. Matt asks Hutch how many times he's going to apologize in three days. Fair point. Kip hugs Hutch and says “This is how big of a man I am.” Brian suggests that everyone should hang out with Dr. Pat and Matt takes the bait. He doesn't want to talk or anything but he wants some help breathing and relaxing. They do some breathing exercises, with Dr. Pat telling him to make sounds while he exhales, simply because she thought it would be funnier. She also brings up how he must be worried about his future and his parents, and he's like “wow I don't remember telling her about that, she must have figured it out.” Hilariously Matt feels a lot better and is totally sold.

During grace at dinner, Hutch apologizes again. Ralph, for no reason, comes in and makes everyone show their hidden talents, like being double-jointed or whatever. It's dumb but lighthearted. Also Ashleigh can fit her entire fist in her mouth. Matt is especially interested in this. Then Ralph comes back in and says he really likes the stuff they're doing, and they're going to be great, so he has a present for them! Because it's his first TV gig and he is glad to work with them. So headshots for everyone! Ralph is just the kind of idiot to do this. This storyline is that Ashleigh is developing a crush on Ralph, but Ralph is really interested in Molly. So Molly's photo talks about how sweet and pretty she is, while Ashleigh's just says “Best wishes!” and has her name spelled wrong. Ashleigh then sulks and says nothing's wrong, and tries to ruin dinner by being mad. Matt gives her a hug because she seems down.

Brian “forced” and “urged” everyone into the hot tub. Molly and Ashleigh tell Kip how great it is that they can just sit on his lap and cuddle him and they don't have to worry about it! Hee. Eventually Kip says if they feel something it's the thing that checks the chlorine levels, and they get off him. Dr. Pat has a game for them called “Kiss the Ugly Frog” where everyone takes turns sitting in the middle and everyone else says something nice about them. Ashleigh's “compliments” are of course really bitchy backhanded complements like “It's interesting, Brian, how you're not into working out and you're so willing to be a pasty fat guy.” They even manage to say sort of nice things about Hutch. Matt says he's willing to ignore social cues so that takes some guts. Kip tells Molly how she has beautiful breasts, and Ashleigh tells her it's so great she doesn't encourage other men when she's got a boyfriend at home. Matt thinks Ashleigh looks at him with soft eyes. Heh. Matt actually has nice things to say about everyone. Earl makes Kip cry about what a great man he is. Finally it's Matt's turn, so all the actors then tell Matt how awesome he is, out of character. Even Ashleigh's complement is real.

Next time: will they stop the show? Of course not.