Project Runway 8/27/15--"Fashion Flip" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the designers were forced to pair up and make resort wear. It was also supposed to be “day-to-evening” but no one did that and the judges didn't seem to care very much. Apparently Lifetime thinks all gay men should be bitchy high-strung divas because all of a sudden they all were obnoxious. I mean in addition to Blake. Why can't we have another Nick? Danny V? Robert Best? Emmett? I think the most recent was Anthony. Anyway, Ashley and Candice won even though their capelet jacket thing was in a horrible ugly floral fabric (oh yeah, they gave everyone fabric and a lot of it was ugly). Hanmiao refused to work with Edmond, and although in the end they were both annoying, she told him to shut up several times and didn't seem to realize that he had immunity so maybe she should worry about what was happening. So Hanmiao went home which is too bad because I feel like she could have been interesting. (click for more)

Everyone is happy yesterday is over. Joseph tells Edmond if he hadn't had immunity he'd probably have gone home with Hanmiao. Not necessarily, and I think this is Joseph's shady way of telling Edmond that “swimsuit” was terrible. Both Candice and Ashley have immunity so Kelly is counting numbers. I don't know what Kelly's deal is, with her high ponytail and giant hoop earrings and basically looking like someone I would aspire to be when I was in middle school.

Heidi makes vague comments about the view and kicks everyone out. That was not helpful, Heidi. The field trip ends up being to the docks to meet Tim and the makeup guy WHO IS NOT SCOTT. Don't think I forgot. Tim tells them that fashion has iconic designs like the pencil skirt and you need to take one of these “iconic” designs and make it modern. What? This is so vague. Then there is a commercial for Mary Kay which is boring and lame. Winner gets their design in a Mary Kay ad in Marie Claire. Not even a Marie Claire editorial. Plus $5000. They are not assigned “iconic” designs which I kind of expected? But this way we can see what everyone thinks is “iconic”.

Everyone is so serious. Candice spouts a bunch of buzzwords. Gabrielle is making a tent coat. Blake's whiny ass complains about a fisherman, ignoring the part where he can move and sit somewhere else. You're not cute. Then they FINALLY go to Mood! Finally! Swapnil buys some really shiny faux leather. I think Candice buys vegan leather.

Back in the workroom Tim gives them 9 hours to make their outfits. This includes their makeup consult. Blake either can't do math or can't read an analog clock, because he has no idea how many hours he has if they have until 1am tonight. This is greeted with the scorn and derision it deserves. No one can tell if he really doesn't know or if he's pretending, and they also can't decide which of those options would be worse. Amanda is kind of freaking out about not being in the top. Or, I think being in the bottom when other people have shittier garments. Yeah I can see that. She doesn't know what the judges want, which is valid because no one knows what the producers will decide the judges want this week.

Tim Time! Candice has a pleated jacket with a belt. She loves it to death. Amanda is bitchy about it for no reason. Gabrielle is freaking out and can't handle waiting her turn to talk to Tim. Lindsey is doing a full length blazer or something. I think Tim says it's cool. I would like to remind my readers that Tim is 3 for 3 in giving people advice that gets them eliminated. Tim likes Gabrielle's long jacket so mark that. Swapnil has giant ruffles that look like shelves, but Tim hates the shiny faux leather. I think he's going to do whatever he wants though. Amanda complains about how she's usually SO optimistic and SO confident but she's been in the bottom! So call the whambulance, girl. She's making a wrap dress, but somehow she has to “reimagine the engineering of the wrap” according to Tim. That makes no sense. Edmond says “young Annie Lennox” which is think sounds cool, but Tim tells him to do the other thing. Kelly gets approval, although I don't know what she's doing. Jake is making a dress out of a basketball jersey, and when Tim points out that someone else did it in the 80's, his response is that he's not selling to the people who bought it in the 80's. UGH. Joseph has a neoprene pencil skirt with a peplum. Who knows. Blake doesn't seem to have anything on his dress form. Tim can't even understand what he's talking about. He's sewing together a knit and a non-stretch fabric. Blake insists that it can be done, but he hasn't tested it to see if it works. Tim is baffled.

Model fitting. Gabrielle has nothing, really, to try on her model. Laurie doesn't like that her model is asking questions like “Is it OK the skirt opens when I walk?” I think that's a valid question. Makeup consults happen but I'm not recapping those. Colored eyeliner. Blush. Red lip. Etc. Kelly's leather is so lightweight it's stretching and she has to redo a bunch of stuff. Gabrielle doesn't have the right fabric so she's just trying to make anything. Blake is not really done.

Runway day. Blake keeps saying “guuuurlll”. Tim gives them two hours. I think Gabrielle broke the surger. Or she can't thread it, so she's jacking up her garment. Blake is still freaking out and is now making incoherent annoying noises that he probably thinks are cute. Jake's dress is sequined and short and does not look like a basketball jersey. Blake manages to cut himself and bleed on the dress. Then he shittalks other people as if he hasn't fucked up today.

Commercial interlude: everyone sits around the apartments and talks about how much work they have left on runway day. The girls mostly talk about this and the boys make fun of people. This isn't interesting.

Heidi has PANTS on today. I KNOW! Guest judge is Kiernan Shipka. Blake: navy blue sheath dress with maybe some ruffles on the skirt (it's dark and my TV is terrible). Then a bright royal blue...train? Butt cape? A piece sewn to the back of the bodice that hangs down over her butt but doesn't hit the floor. Nina looks irritated. Kelly: black leggings with a white T-shirt. The top has white leather trim at the hem, elbow-length sleeves, and a leather pocket. There's black piping along the top of the pocket and the edges. The rest of the shirt is a shiny sheer material. Or maybe it's not sheer but shiny with flesh-colored fabric underneath. Joseph: a black boatneck sleeveless top and a midi-length pencil skirt and a big peplum. Boring. Lindsey: ankle-length slim skirt and crop top, in a black and white print with tiny lines. Then a long (below the butt) red loose blazer. It's almost down to her knees and doesn't have a lot of shape. Ashley: tea-length dress with no sleeves and a boatneck. The skirt is in horizontal thirds with different fabrics, and is kind of full. The whole thing is shades of gray, with a black belt/waistline. It's cute although not earth-shattering. Laurie: pencil skirt in a dark bronze print, and a white top with giant sleeves and a giant white bow and maybe a giant black bow to go with it. The whole thing is like a capelet over full sleeves and it's too much.

Jake: very short shiny sequined dress with some black details. That's about it. I guess the black is the numbers on the front of a jersey. Amanda: knee-length dress with a full skirt and a tank top. Most of the dress is in a black and white print, but the top is supposed to be a wrap dress so one boob is plain white. It looks like she's nursing. Swapnil: short black dress, and over the boobs are big horizontal ruffles that lie flat like a tier in a skirt. Remember that time they had to design for Marge Simpson and whoever won made that dress with all the ruffles? It reminds me of that. When she turns around there's no back to the dress and it's really short. Merline: shiny bronze satin skirt, maybe a pencil skirt but satin has no shape to it, and a shiny plain shell top in ivory. Over this is a black jacket that has a lot of folds and looks complicated, with a keyhole in the back. Gabrielle: white knee-length dress with a raggedy hem and a black coat with big poofy sleeves. That's about all I can see of it. Candice: black leather dress, with a corset top and a knee-length skirt. Over that is a white pleated short jacket with a black belt. Less a jacket and more the shape of a belted shawl. Killer dress though. Edmond: black and white striped top that has black lapels and a tiny keyhole at her navel. The sides come out over her hips and seem kind of stiff, and it has long sleeves. I want to see more of it but it does look weird. Then I believe he has black hot pants.

Merline, Ashley, Joseph, Edmond, Laurie, Kelly, and Jake are safe. So that means Jake's tasteless dress and Joseph's super boring black peplum are safe, as is Kelly's very interesting top. Blake thinks he is in the bottom, because he should be with his stupid royal blue thing and shitty construction, but he is in the top because the producers probably want to sleep with him. I hate this show. Lindsey looks pissed. Kiernan likes it. Huh. Nina lets us look at the back of the dress more clearly, so you can see the royal blue train/cape thing is being held up by straps around her neck. Her skirt is tied to her neck. What in the actual fuck. No one mentions how the colors are terrible and Zac asks if the necklace is hiding anything like a shitty unfinished edge but then they all laugh about it instead of yelling at him like they would if they didn't like him. Zac TELLS HIM HE SHOULD BE PROUD. Proud he improvised to hide his poor sewing with a giant necklace. Bullshit. Swapnil wanted a new little black dress. It's playful. OK I do think Swapnil did a good job and this dress is fun. Lindsey was trying to break up a sheath dress or something. She did make a lot of pieces, but the material is thick and I guess Heidi feels she's chopped up, even with the long coat. Nina thinks she should have just scrapped the jacket and done the two pieces.

Gabrielle put a thin strip of pink along the armholes of the dress, which she promptly covered up with the jacket. The hem is terrible and is just trimmed with scissors. She says her scissors are jacked up which is a new one. The arms are just like giant scrunchies, I think. Not complicated enough. Then she admits she hates the dress and that's why the jacket never came off. Oops. She's in trouble. Amanda talks about her wrap dress and while I like the print she used, the one white boob is not good. Zac didn't know it was supposed to be a wrap dress and it's not original. Well Blake was original but also terrible. Amanda tells them she is always getting called out for being crazy so she didn't want to do it so of course now they LOVE all her crazy shit. Of course. Candice had a dress that was obviously hers. All the judges knew. It's so great though. The dress fits beautifully and the white top has perfect piping and pleats and is classic. Candice says something about her daughter, which is weird, but maybe she's trying to play for sympathy for a win. Listen, the producers are so fucking stupid that I can't fault anyone for underhanded tricks like that. Not when they're saying Blake is wonderfully clever for hiding his fucked-up neckline with a necklace.

Amanda is pissed again. Is she the first person to call out the shitty judging on this show? I mean the first contestant to suffer from dumb judging and every time, point out that she didn't have the worst garment. Candice's dress seaming is great and lines up with the white top seaming. Swapnil made a sexy dress they all love. Heidi praises Blake's hair decision, which is a messy braid. Nina wants to give him a pass on the shitty construction because it's innovative. Jesus. They hate Lindsey's outfit under the jacket, but the jacket is terrible too. Gabrielle's jacket on Kiernan is actually cute. The dress underneath is not well done at all. Amanda's neckline is kind of droopy. At least it's not that poorly made. I guess.

Blake is the winner, which is TOTAL HORSESHIT. You ACKNOWLEDGED it was poorly made, and you didn't care. How can you ever pretend to be a show about design ever again? Also now he'll be an insufferable smug asshole. Swapnil and Candice are in. Joseph thinks Blake is a talented designer, but Joseph's designs are shitty too so what does he know. Lindsey is in. Gabrielle is out. I almost wanted Amanda to be out just so she can go home and stop thinking terrible designs are better than hers. Gabrielle is pretty upset to go home so early. Tim is like what happened to you? I'm unnerved! Whatever Tim. Don't come in and say shit like that and then not use the Save. You know everyone in there thought he was going to do that when he was like “I'm unnerved! What happened? I'm distraught!” Although can you argue he caused her to go home? When supposedly they're sending her home for poor construction? Like if she had done a better job sewing she'd still be here. I also don't know how you can send someone home for poor construction and AT THE SAME DAMN TIME the winner had poor construction which you admitted you knew about.

next week: who the fuck cares? I'm sure it'll be some product placement challenge where the instructions are vague and arbitrary and the winner will make no sense.