Thursday, August 21, 2014

Project Runway 8/21/14--"The Klum of Doom" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the most tenuous tie in to Red Robin caused everyone to take vintage men’s suits and make new clothes. It wasn’t horrible, except for how Sandhya got to pick out everyone’s suit so the loudest drama queens complained about how she had it out for them. Which is silly because that is exactly what she should do: be strategic and screw over her enemies. It’s not like this show is about fashion. In the end it was for nothing because Amanda is Gretchen 2.0 and the judges gave her the win for two different kinds of pink paisley and floor-length black fringe. Hernan tried to blame Sandhya for all his fabric problems but he did choose to purchase brown vinyl to complete his look. At least the elimination is something we can agree on. (click for more)

So if you saw photos of Heidi from the Creative Arts Emmys last weekend, you know who won this week. Supposedly “the team” or “producers” or whoever decided the publicity gained for the winning designer was worth the spoiler. Or, they don’t really care about the viewers anymore. I mean…all it would have taken is someone who can COUNT and plan ahead. You were off by ONE WEEK. The sad thing is, when I found out that was really a spoiler, I couldn’t bring myself to care. There are plenty of shows that I would not want spoilers about, but apparently not this one.

So…there is some paparazzi thing? Like Heidi is so important they have a red carpet and paparazzi around so she can swan into Parsons? Doubtful. They also put a red carpet on the runway, just to emphasize what is up. Also Heidi is wearing a trench coat so she can imply she’s naked underneath because she has nothing to wear. The challenge is to design a dress for Heidi for the Emmys. Well the Creative Arts Emmys. You must blend with Heidi’s “sense of style” which she says is “unexpected, fashion forward, and fearless.” GURL. You know Heidi’s style is “shiny, tight, and short”. Come on. Amanda has immunity, which is from last week when everyone was dumb.

Tim pretends to be super excited about this challenge. I know it’s a standard challenge. But it’s boring. Everyone has a dossier to see all the shiny, tight, and short. Supposedly Heidi wants them to be themselves. Samantha knows Heidi likes to show skin. Smart girl. Tim reminds them it’s “elegant and sophisticated” and then he’s all “MITCHELL! ELEGANT AND SOPHISTICATED!” Hee. Mitchell interviews that his designs haven’t been “received positively yet”. Meaning they don’t like him but he loves what he does. Gotcha. Amanda has no idea what she’s doing other than that she’s going to experiment. Korina says she has to step it up, so maybe she’ll not be in the middle anymore. Samantha is also getting a weird amount of screen time, more than usual. At Mood Sean buys blue fringe. Mitchell doesn’t think something is tacky but I feel like he has no clue about tacky. I mean, if his stuff was tacky he wouldn’t think it was tacky, you know?

Korina decides that instead of working she’s going to wander around and be super nosy about what everyone else is doing. Amanda tells her to report back, either because Amanda enjoys the gossip or she’s trying to make Korina fall behind and not finish. Korina sees a lot of black and declares this “sad”. No one asked you, Korina. She also refuses to tell anyone what SHE is doing, which is because she’s just being a nosy bitch. Somehow her teal and snakeskin is going to be better than everyone else. Kini is this season’s insanely fast worker and he is maybe done. Mitchell has some red with silver sequins or some nonsense. Totes not tacky though, you guys. Then he plays with the fridge but doesn’t mention it by name so that’s a fail on the product placement. Sandhya is painting.

Tim Time! And Heidi! Gee, thanks, producers, for putting that thunderclap there so we would know how dramatic it is when Heidi comes to the workroom to try to be Kors with the bitchy bon mots! Supposedly Heidi is nervous but I don’t buy it. Heidi likes Samantha’s top and Tim says “Don’t bore Heidi” but it’s “Don’t bore NINA”. Come on, Tim. Kini is not sexy enough, but he works so fast no one is worried about him finishing. Alexander has some like, poofy thing. As Heidi requests backless, Mitchell acts superior in confessional and says “hot tranny mess”. YOU ARE NO CHRISTIAN SIRIANO, SIR. Emily has a nice collar. Amanda gets “giant beaded bib”. Samantha is like, IDK why they like Amanda. I like Samantha a lot now that she has screen time, but I’m also aware that her sudden screen time is a likely sign of her elimination.

Sean appears to have a black dress covered in long blue fringe. Well she clearly is pretending to like fringe as per Amanda’s success. Char and Fade get little time so they’re probably fine. Mitchell gets praise for the red but his pointy boob look gets “devil horns”. She wants to show off her boobs. And back. And legs probably. Sandhya has gold sequins and peacock feathers. Heidi declares it “Dynasty” but hell, I would love it if she went in that dress and worked it. This is what happens when you praise someone when you maybe should have just let her slide through in the middle. Kristine has cut up all her fabric but Heidi hates it so she’s screwed. Heidi HATES Korina’s look and I love it. I love that Korina spent so much time sneering at everyone else and now she’s in trouble. Heidi hates it so much she’s speaking German to Fade about how it looks like hunter’s clothing. Also she thought it was fake snakeskin but it’s real and “that’s even worse.” Oo.

So now Korina is all sad or whatever but I am loving every second. She’s so smug and thinks that saying “I just don’t get it” instead of “That look is terrible” makes her not a bitch but it’s not true. We all know you’re trash talking. Then Heidi returns. Uh oh. That’s never good. She says she’s “scared” which is dumb because we all know you wear tackier things. Anyway they let everyone go back to Mood. This is weird because I know who won, and they did not get slammed for their look. So…who are they trying to save? Or were they trying to save someone and they STILL failed so they went with Plan B? Anyway, if they want to go to Mood again with another $100 they can. Maybe they’re trying to save Kristine because she cut up everything and literally can’t do anything. Or Sandhya. Anyway, if you aren’t going you can give someone else your money, so Sandhya goes around begging for money. Korina whines that she doesn’t do red carpet but cry me a river.

At Mood they only have 20 minutes so there is a lot of freaking out and running around. Sandhya buys some expensive fabric. Emily hates that people got to go to Mood, but you could have gone if you wanted so whatever. Sandhya spends like, $400 and Mitchell whines that she is selfish. She’s not going to give your stupid ass anything. You wouldn’t have given her any money. You should have gone begging like she did. Char loves it and says “go girl”.

Korina has more green, which I guess she thinks is better? Sure. Model fitting. I hope everyone can walk in whatever they get. Korina gets in on whining about Sandhya but you all could have begged for money so shut it. Kristine has nothing to try on.

Runway day. Mitchell just wants to be safe. Sean is “texturizing” his fringe which means he’s cutting it like you would cut someone’s hair. Kristine freaks out because her bodice has pointy boobs like Mitchell’s used to. Before he got yelled at. Hot makeup guy Scott. Alexander’s model may flash everyone. Korina’s dress doesn’t fit because she failed at that. Mitchell ruined his dress trying to put the zipper on somehow.

Guest judge is Lindsey Vonn. Why? Who knows. I thought at first Heidi was wearing something black with a boatneck and collar in some kind of leopard. But it has a skirt in the same print and then a black panel in front like she’s wearing terrible capris. And this is your client. Char: blue gown with a mullet hem and a sweetheart strapless neckline. It’s nice if not super exciting. It moves well. Emily: super short black dress with an asymmetrical lapel with sequins. It’s like a slash of sparkly across her chest. Man that’s short though. Mitchell: long red gown, with a weirdly draped bodice. I have no idea what is going on with the bodice. It’s draped, but then there’s almost a belt, and folds and it is just terrible. The back doesn’t fit right. Korina: dark green gown with a deep V. That’s it. The fit is not very good. Fade: another mullet hem, but this one looks like a gray and black striped fabric over a black miniskirt. Or maybe a short strapless shift in the stripes with a thick band of black on the skirt hem? It is really striking, although the model holding the skirt out to her sides is dumb. The stripes line up in a really cool way. Alexander: black cocktail dress with one shoulder and a strange handkerchief hem. Actually the skirt is like a reverse mullet with the long part in front, coming to a point. In the back you can basically see her ass because it’s so short. Oops.

Sandhya: long black sparkly lace dress with a high crew neck. I think her original gold fabric is underneath the lace. It’s simple but pretty striking. Samantha: short black dress with a deep V and a sheer skirt or scarf or train or something. Boring. It’s kind of sparkly? Like there are beads? Whatever. Kristine: short red strapless dress. The bodice comes up in two points like devil horns, and her boobs move enough that it looks like she might fall out. The rest of the bodice is rumpled like it doesn’t fit right. Kini: long black gown with a high boatneck and maybe a slight mermaid skirt. It’s pretty boring. I mean, I can see plenty of other celebrities in it right now. Heidi would never wear it. Sean: long dress in blue shading to black at the hem. The whole dress is fringe. Long fringe. So as she spins it flares out. Amanda: long black gown with a bodice and narrow center panel of black and bronze beading. It’s not terrible but it’s not that exciting either. And her model is walking really carefully like she’s afraid she’ll trip.

Heidi complains that too many of them suck. Alexander, Sandhya, Char, Samantha, Fade, and Emily are safe. Kini just wanted something simple and classic. It looks very expensive, and the low back is sexy enough for Heidi to be satisfied. It also fits really well. Amanda tries to kiss Heidi’s ass about being fearless. Heidi likes it, of course, because ugh. But Zac says the beading is terrible. Nina makes noises about how it’s really Amanda’s look. Kristine says something about red and black, and then just red, but up close that dress is terrible. It’s so bunched up in the torso. The side has panels, like a miniskirt and then a front panel and a back panel over that like a loincloth hangs down. Terrible. Mitchell’s dress has an uneven hem, and is weirdly ankle-length instead of floor-length. Plus the back is horrifying because his zipper is all crooked. I think Kristine’s dress is worse but not by much. Zac says you need time for great evening wear, which is true but seriously, you only gave them a day so whose fault is that? Sean’s dress is actually black underneath. The trim he was giving the fringe was so the black would show through and make an ombre effect. Actually that is cool. The fringe hangs well so it doesn’t make her look wide. Plus there is no back. It really does blend all the layers so it doesn’t look like tiers of fringe. Korina claims her color is “emerald green” but I think it’s still a hunter green. Somehow Nina says she’d like a jumpsuit. What? Whatever. Nina and Heidi hate it a lot, plus you can see the hem is just cut and unevenly at that.

Amanda’s dress looks better up close, but no pictures will be up close. It needs work. Sean gets a ton of praise. Kini clearly knows how to construct a red carpet gown. Zac wants to give Kristine’s look a zero. Korina’s look is quilted? Apparently it’s quilted. Mitchell’s look has uniboob. The bottom three are really bad today.

Sean is in…and also the winner! It did look good on the red carpet. And Amanda didn’t win so there’s that. She and Kini are in. Mitchell is out. WOW. I thought they’d keep him around forever for drama! That dress was super heinous though. Kristine is ALSO OUT. Korina is barely in. Wait, they were saying they were going to show ten looks at Fashion Week and that is still at least two weeks away. They’re at ten people now. I would have been fine with all three of them being out. Kristine is sobbing which is kind of sad. Everyone in the Scrap Bin freaks out. Tim comes in but does not save either one. No one says anything earth-shattering in their exit interviews.

Next week: Dita von Teese, feathers, crazy things.


Josh said...

Remember though, there's still the Tim Gunn Save, so it's possible one of the next few designers to be eliminated will return in time to show at Fashion Weak [sic].

Tina said...

Note to Josh:
For the Tim save to work it has to be cashed in when the contestant is eliminated. He can't bring someone back later on – just in time to do a decoy collection for Fashion Week! Although no one says anything, I wonder how many of the designers are crossing their fingers hoping he will save them when he says "I need to ask you to go to your station and pack your things" and thereby crushes their hopes/dreams. I have a feeling the only person he would use the save for is probably Sandhya, maybe Alexander (based on his praise of the designer before the season began). The only designer who I would save is Fade.

Anonymous said...

I don't see Tim using his save.