Thursday, November 14, 2013

Project Runway All Stars 11/14/13--"Keepin' It Classy" summary

Previously on Project Runway: there are random drinks to inspire everyone. Woo. Everyone makes cocktail dresses and this challenge would be so much better if they cared about the theme. Or the “inspiration”. But whatever, the dresses aren’t that offensive. Except Chris made a skin-colored slip dress and everyone said it was the greatest thing ever. I think they’re trying to build him up so when the judges turn on him he’ll fall apart and they’ll get ratings because of the drama. Anyway, he didn’t win, Viktor won for using his print brilliantly. Melissa had a dress that kind of looked lopsided and wasn’t so great, I guess, so she was eliminated. (click for more)

Field trip time! In a school bus! Someone says “I refuse to do children”. Jeffrey and Seth Aaron bounce and put their feet on the seats because of course they do. Eventually they end up at a school, which should not be surprising. I mean…school bus. Today’s challenge is to make clothes out of random shit! Unconventional materials challenge! Hopefully this is the only one. More than one per season and it gets old. Today’s random materials are classroom materials. Alyssa is clear that the judges should not know where the materials came from. As I have always suspected, the judges respond best to outfits that look as much like real clothes as possible, without being boring real fabric. 4 minutes to grab materials. Mychael has no idea what he is grabbing. There’s rulers, crayons, pencils and stuff, binders, paper. Korto has jump ropes. Someone has the wavy border pieces you put along the edges of the bulletin boards. Chris all of a sudden says that elementary school is not all playing but bullying. He wants to work that in somehow, and all I can think of is Josh having to make a print based on his personal heritage and his “I know, I’ll make something about how I was bullied”. Viktor puts a fabric book cover on his head like a do-rag and tries to be street. It is hilarious.

Elena reminds us she almost failed her season’s unconventional challenge. Did she? I don’t feel like looking it up. A bunch of them try to do double dutch and fail. Eventually everyone gets to work. Elena says she and Viktor are BFFs and he has a weekly consultation with her. She tells him not to do things, or to do things, it’s not clear. Don’t listen to Elena. She’s so bossy. Elena tells us she thinks Jeffrey is only there because he can explain himself on the runway. If he couldn’t do that, no one would get his stuff and he’d be out. Yeah, that’s probably true. Korto says she had hoped her daughter would be there and she would be the model. Aww. Chris tries to hot glue crayons, forgetting heat will melt crayons. Oops. Somehow this causes him to complain about Elena and Viktor and Elena’s rulers or something. I don’t know. Elena wanted to use those flimsy plastic binders, not the kind that are cardboard covered in plastic. And plastic rulers. She’s trying to cut up and sew the binders, but they’re cracking, and the rulers are not breaking in chunks but they’re shattering? So now she’s freaking out as per usual.

Zanna time. Jeffrey has those thick foam play mats that look like puzzle pieces. Elena barely lets Zanna get a sentence out before she starts crying. The other designers stand around and throw shade and epic side-eye. Viktor has used the splintered rulers to make a feather effect. When Zanna asks how he came up with that technique (clearly a producer prompt), Viktor says he just sort of came up with it. No mention of Elena. No more BFFs now, I bet. Seth Aaron says he has to win because I guess everyone knows who he is and he needs to get even more famous. Mychael wants to melt crayons over his dress. Korto is making a print out of rubber bands. Chris talks about anti-bullying. I feel like such a bitch for rolling my eyes about it. I’m sure he got bullied, I just don’t want to listen to his sob story. Zanna announces a twist: stupid makeup product placement. That’s not a twist. The winner gets to be in an ad in Marie Claire. Woo.

Model fitting. Mychael makes his model crush crayons. Korto puts her model to work too. Seth Aaron plugs the accessory wall. Elena: “Chris’s dress looks like Lady Gaga’s dress from ten years ago, and I know what a Lady Gaga dress is because I designed a dress for Lady Gaga.” Shut up, Elena. Makeup consultations, with random people and not hot makeup guy Scott. Most people have a ton of work to do, and not enough time to finish.

Runway day. The workroom is trashed. Elena claims “freak-out mode” is done. Korto and Mychael are frantic. Viktor actually gets praise from his fellow designers. Hot makeup guy Scott. Chris goes over to help Mychael finish because he doesn’t even have a bottom. Elena hates Irina’s dress because she hates flowers. Yes. With five minutes left, Korto is flipping out because her model is still in makeup. That is crap, I agree.

I think Viktor made a bowtie out of foam. The finished outfits are getting donated to the school. That’s sweet. Guest judges are Michael Urie and Gabourey Sidibe. Irina: pink strapless bodice and a full skirt that is made up of flowers. Giant pink flowers. It’s actually really fun, if impractical. All paper, I think. Chris: the whole dress is plastic pieces like armor, all angles and stuff sticking out, and the “burst of color” that he was so thrilled about like, hope spawning from bullying? Is four diamond-shaped pieces at the top. I didn’t even see them at first because they are so small compared to the black. Eh. Korto: halter top and very short skirt. The top has a nice pattern that is rubber bands glued on, with some plastic pieces like fringe almost. But the skirt is short and when they show a close-up it doesn’t look very clean. At her waist is a peplum that sticks out but only over her stomach. Elena: slim plastic dress in colorblocked pieces and pointy boobs. It really reminds me of all the stuff she’s done this season, which is probably not a good thing.

Jeffrey: this dress is made from foam floor mats and it shows. It’s very stiff, so that as she walks the top of the dress swings from side to side because it’s not sitting on her shoulders but on her waist. So the straps are like, an inch over her shoulders, not actually touching them. The skirt is very full but also too short somehow. You can see everyone bending down to see if they can see anything. Also it’s all primary colors. They’ve blurred out her crotch. Viktor: short sleeveless dress covered in broken plastic in blue and purple with yellow shoulders. It looks like those long sequins that are the length of your finger. Down the front center panel are geometric pieces of yellow foam. You can see a lot of muslin though. Otherwise I would think this was by far the best one. Mychael: paper sheath dress. He’s cut out different sized pieces and glued them together to overlap. It’s red and some pink and a gray or light blue, and it just kind of looks bad. Like, I can’t exactly say why but I just don’t like it. Seth Aaron: short skirt in dark purple with long red fringe at the front and back but not the sides. I think this is rulers. The top is very stiff and full, with a chevron pattern in purple and black, with giant stiff fin shoulders. She looks like she’s wearing football pads. And a swimcap made out of a kickball.

Seth Aaron and Irina are safe. I knew this because they barely acknowledged their existence before the runway show. You knew this because I didn’t talk about them at all, hardly. Chris goes first. He really doesn’t have a lot of color in this dress. Alyssa asks about if he had a plan or just grabbed whatever, which he feels is the cue to give his sob story. Whatever dude. You aren’t the only child ever who got bullied. Georgina liked it, of course, because fine. Isaac is barely able to contain his eye-rolling as he says everyone’s been bullied. But then he says it works. You should have just stopped talking. Why does everyone always love Chris’s shit so much? Korto tries to talk about her broke dress, but the proportions are off and she knows it isn’t great work. It’s being held together with binder clips, which is hilarious. Gabourey says she’s done that before. Alyssa does like how the top is gorgeous and fun. Everyone loves Elena too, including the weird pointy boobs. They look like eyes. But everyone likes that they look like eyes! Georgina wishes she had gone outside her comfort zone. Mychael tried to melt crayons over his construction paper but it didn’t work, so now he just has paper. The bustier made of jump rope does look cool. Jeffrey has floor mats and jump rope. Michael says it doesn’t fit, and Jeffrey is like “I never got from this that we were supposed to do wearable?” Yeah, but you WERE told to make it so the judges couldn’t tell where anything came from, and clearly you didn’t do that. Georgina can see everything. Viktor talks about the rulers like he just came up with that idea himself. I’m pretty sure Elena told him about the ruler thing. Everyone loves Viktor’s look because it’s cool and looks timeless and whatever.

Elena might be a one-trick pony. But the pointy boobs are new for her. Chris had a good design but Alyssa wishes she could see his personality. There are scissor handles in there and Georgina doesn’t know if she likes them. Isaac feels manipulated, which is exactly what Chris was trying to do so good for Isaac for calling him out. Viktor did a great job, but Isaac wishes the foam pieces in the front were not there. Mychael knew his piece was crap, even though it was kind of great according to Isaac. Jeffrey was worse, he thinks. Yeah, it was terrible. Isaac knows Korto’s look doesn’t represent her.

Elena is in. Chris wins. UGH. Now he’s going to have a stupid sob story every time about whatever and anyone who complains will get hate mail or something. Everyone gets bullied, Christopher. You aren’t special. Now he’s talking about his important message sent out through his dress. Viktor is in. Back in the Scrap Bin Elena is pissed because she thinks Viktor stole her inspiration so she’s decided not to help him anymore. The bottom three get yelled at, and then Alyssa says they’re all safe. What? All safe? OK you guys, I predict one of them will be the winner. Otherwise why bother saving everyone? Jeffrey and Korto try to fake out the Scrap Bin with a double elimination which is hilarious.

Next week: unknown. Make something up. Be creative, I’m sure it’ll be funny.

1 comment:

Beatnik Mary said...

I don't hate Elena, but her comment about Lady Gaga's "dress from 10 years ago" hurt my brain. TEN YEARS AGO, Elena? What, you mean it looked like a Catholic school girl uniform? Because that's what Lady Gaga was wearing 10 years ago! She's only been super famous for 5 years, and only "sort of famous" for 6 or 7 years max.

I also love that she was so cocky about it. "I know Lady Gaga dresses because I designed a Lady Gaga dress." Well if you think it was 10 years ago, you're full of total shit. (sorry for swearing, it was driving me nuts though)