Thursday, March 14, 2013

Project Runway 3/14/13--"Take It All Off!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Everyone had to make prom dresses out of duct tape. Teenagers got to vote but they didn’t really get to decide anything. Michelle and Amanda had the top design, and Michelle won, and while I liked their dress, now we’ll probably have to listen to Michelle talk about how great she is. Patricia and Samantha got a bunch of praise which didn’t make sense to me. Tu and Kate made a perfectly good prom dress that was just boring, and then Nina tried to argue that no one wore long prom dresses which was also stupid, and then both Kate AND Tu got sent home. (click for more)

Tim and Heidi say it’s time to “switch up the team selection process”. There are eight of them. Now the judges will decide who has to work with whom, as if they haven’t been doing that already. I mean, you can’t tell me the threesome of Patricia, Layana, and Michelle wasn’t a producer idea. Two teams of four. Daniel thinks that this way he won’t get picked last so that’s great. They show clips of the judges discussing how pairing people up will join things like Patricia’s “techniques” with Daniel’s “construction strengths” or whatever. We all know it’s for drama. Let’s just be honest. So Daniel, Patricia, Michelle, and Stanley; Richard, Layana, Samantha, and Amanda. See, Patricia and Michelle are together again. You can’t pretend you did that to aid everyone’s creativity. Everyone hates each other except Patricia is nice about Daniel. Heidi claims that now they will have some fun. Something about undress. Tim says it’s an understatement so now people are plotting lingerie. Field trip! I miss field trips. Heidi pouts because Tim says she is absolutely not allowed to come because she has no self-discipline. Ha! It’s true.

So now they are at “Arena Event Space” which is just some empty stage somewhere. Tim tells them they have to let go a little bit and then presents their new clients. First a bunch of guys come out, and everyone freaks, then they start with some white boy band dancing, and everyone is in a stereotype costume, and then the shirts come off. Hahahaaha. This is the best. They aren’t even in step with the dancing! I guess no one cares but it is super obvious and like, Magic Mike even made everyone learn how to dance. Daniel is like, no wonder Heidi wanted to be here. It’s nice and everything, but don’t think I forgot about the stupid teams and producer manipulation, Lifetime. I’m not THAT cheap.

Tim comes back out and is super embarrassed. It’s guys from Thunder From Down Under. Oo, they’re all Australian. They’re making costumes for their new routine. And they must be tear-away. HA! It’s not just menswear, which is hard enough, but tear-away. Supposedly they’ll use the winning look. Michelle complains that she’s never made tear-away clothes, as if everyone else has. I’m guessing that’s not a skill set most people have. Each team of four will create three full looks. They must have cohesion within a team. Oh, so just like a REAL team. And these are the models, so not only menswear but menswear for men with large muscles. Tim says “caucus” which is always nice and that they need a team name. Michelle says she doesn’t know the “beefcake male body” that well. Then she says her husband is a beefcake, “but in a normal man way”. What does that even mean?

Somehow, without explanation, Michelle’s team has named themselves Team Shades of Gray. Sigh. She’s saying suit, delivery person, bike messenger. Bike messengers can be hot (have you seen Premium Rush? Joseph Gordon-Levitt is hot) but do they have a recognizable costume? Stanley is like, uh, no, but then Michelle gets into a long story about fantasizing about bike messengers and I am not really interested in who she fantasizes about. They all seem to agree on suits, though, and she rolls her eyes about it. The other team is Team Slick and Hip. God, these team names suck. This team actually is getting info on tips like, you can use Velcro to hold the pants on, but the hook side should face away from the skin. Things you don’t think about. Stanley is making a suit, jacket and all. Everyone takes measurements. Daniel and Patricia are going to have trench coats, which hopefully won’t be sketchy. And some woven shirt that is “meticulous” because that’s a great idea with one day. Richard talks about crystal buttons, which is random, and Samantha thinks he wants Boy George and it’ll be a drag show. Amanda thinks maybe he is dated. Yeah…he does sound kind of 80’s glam rock. I haven’t heard any other ideas though.

During shopping Richard makes suggestions but gets shot down a lot. Things are too shiny. He’s the only guy on his team but Amanda, Samantha, and Layana are not interested. He wants a heavy satin collar. I don’t know. Michelle complains she wants something modern and loud and doesn’t want to play it safe. Stanley is like, OK, you do your thing and I’ll throw you under the bus later. Tim yells “I smell chaos and bedlam!”

Back in the workroom Tim reminds everyone that they have a lot to do, and that some of the worst work ever has been menswear. Yeah, that Tiki Barber challenge. Who was it that didn’t even put a shirt on their model? Yeah. Team SAH tries to divide up the work, and they seem to end up with Richard doing all the tops? Layana takes the jacket and ties, Samantha has a vest and Amanda has pants? They’re kind of vague about it. Layana warns everyone she doesn’t know how to make a tie, but she is labeled “jacket girl” so we’ll see. Team SOG has Stanley making patterns. See, even when I abbreviate the team names are stupid. Gah. Anyway, SAG also has Patricia making a textile, and Daniel making some flair or something. Layana wants a sharp suit with skinny lapels, so they will all look like that. Both teams are making suits. Woo. Richard is upset he can’t do what he wants. Richard and Amanda briefly fight about how the shirt should fasten and then he declares he needs a break to get a phone call. Where he promptly breaks down. He eventually declares he has to do his best.

There is some lackluster joking about bulges and Stanley checking out the dancers’ asses. Amanda wishes the men were skinny male models. Michelle is like, you can look but not touch, but I have to touch. It’s my job. Layana asks Richard to help her with her seaming. Michelle, out of nowhere, asks Patricia if she’s only doing a shirt, but she’s not, she’s doing buttons and ties too. Michelle is like, oh, I just want to be prepared when Tim and the judges point out how Stanley and I are doing three pieces and you’re only doing one thing. Wow. Just tell her she’s not doing enough. You don’t need all this passive aggressive BS.

Tim time! Team SaH. It’s not that exciting, everyone is doing suits. Tim makes sure Samantha and Amanda are talking to each other about the pants, so all the pants look and fit the same. However Tim doesn’t like the skinny lapels because it’s too feminine. Also she made a peplum on the jacket. A peplum! Richard looks smug and Tim calls him out. He says where the seams should be, and Layana is pissed because she asked him before and he told her it was fine. Well, he said “Like this” but we can’t really see what he’s doing. He might have sabotaged her though. It’s possible. Amanda shows Layana that on the sketch, they’d crossed out that seam. Tim is concerned, and says they need to communicate and figure it out because this is not good. Team SoG. Michelle talks about how great and modern her look is, but Tim doesn’t like zippers and buttons together. They like Stanley’s patterns. Of course Patricia can’t make a whole woven shirt, so now it’s just a detail. A white-on-white detail on a white shirt. How is anyone going to see that? Tim says she should have made the shirt first, because now they are out of time. They must ramp it up. It’s 9:15 and they have until 1am.

Layana is pissed about the jacket thing, and she’s actually gone over to Stanley to ask how to make the jacket. Stanley helps her, because he’s a nice person. Model fittings. It is very nice to look at, I won’t lie. Layana is awkward. Samantha and Richard discuss where to put some leather, and Amanda just starts talking. Richard doesn’t hear her, because he’s talking to Samantha, but Amanda gets offended and says that her voice must be in a frequency he can’t hear because she’s always having to repeat herself. Whatever. Stanley is far behind, but Michelle says sometimes he sews things the day of the show and they’re fabulous, so maybe that will happen. Patricia is finally done, even though it took all day. Daniel thinks the other team is a hot mess, which it is, because they have an hour left and Richard only has one shirt cut out. I smell a repeat of the Tiki Barber challenge.

Day of the show. This morning Richard has to make an entire shirt, and put collars on two other shirts. Yeah, that will go well. The girls complain about Patricia not pulling her weight. Patricia is not around, which I feel like I have to clarify here. Amanda worries about being sloppy. Stanley has a ton to do also so hopefully he can pull it off. Patricia is still working on her shirt but at least she feels bad for not being able to help her team. Tim walks in and it just occurred to me: why don’t they have a challenge to design for Tim? I mean, Tim has a very distinct style, which they could play off of, and they design for Heidi like, every other week. I think it would be a good menswear challenge. Anyway, time for final fittings and hair and makeup. Layana’s jacket is too tight now. Hot makeup guy Scott introduces all his female helpers to the guys. Scott! Make sure you save one for yourself! Layana flirts with her dancer but she has no time! With 20 minutes left Richard still has two collars left. Patricia is ashamed of her use of time, which seems like it should have happened several challenges ago. Michelle is supposed to be putting Velcro on Stanley’s shirt, and she decides to hot glue it for some reason, but that fails. Hot glue doesn’t stick to fabric. Amanda’s pants are so tight they won’t stay closed. And they’re super short. Samantha used the same pattern and her pants are great, so I guess Amanda didn’t measure right? Michelle is yelling about the same problem. It’s a trainwreck.

Guest judge is Emmy Rossum. I bet Kors is mad he missed this. Heidi says two designers from the winning team will be the winners, even though literally TWO MINUTES AGO she said one designer would be the winner. Get your shit together, Lifetime. There’s no reason for that. Team Slick and Hip. Richard and Samantha: dark pants, vest, white shirt with no sleeves. The shirt’s too long, and he’s fastened it up to the collar. Maybe he has to? It just doesn’t look right, not counting the lack of sleeves. The back of the vest has one of those straps to adjust the vest, which he was wearing open so there’s really no point to it. Richard and Amanda: the shirt is terrible. It has a band collar, or I guess no collar, and the fit is not right and the front seam doesn’t line up. It looks like there is a front panel, like on a tuxedo shirt? How the front has two layers and stands out? You know what I mean. But it’s off center. The pants are maybe OK. There’s a tie, but it’s so short it just accentuates how long the shirt is. That tie seriously ends above his navel. Layana, Richard, Amanda: so this outfit is all black, which means it’s hard to see how much it sucks. But the shirt still doesn’t look right, and the jacket is very tight and appears to have weird diagonal pockets over his hip bones. It doesn’t sit right, it looks like it fastens over his waist and then is so long it has a peplum. Also there is a big collar. The pants are harder to see but these are too short. So now all three of them are up by the scrim and they’re doing a dumb dance number with their boy band moves. Amanda thinks they’re great dancers but they aren’t. The clothes all come off properly, so there’s that. Zac deadpans “This is like a weird dream.” Hee! The judges joke that they forgot to vote.

Team Shades of Gray. Daniel and Patricia: long black coat, and Patricia’s shirt that you can’t see because of the coat. I guess it’s a trench coat, but it looks really weird with no buttons. Like it’s a super long blazer. The pants are generic baggy pants that are too long. Stanley: dark suit with a lighter shirt. At least the shirt looks like a real shirt and he doesn’t have it fastened up to the collar. And it fits pretty well. Or at least, better than everyone else. Michelle: light gray pants, and a tight vest with a diagonal zipper and some weird pocket square thing. The vest is in a plaid, but not a bright red and green plaid. It’s cut weird, on the diagonal along the diagonal zipper, and then the bottom has points. And seriously the pocket square thing is like a strap that she threaded a handkerchief under. It looks ridiculous. There’s a sleeveless shirt under there somewhere but you can see the collar doesn’t look right. These clothes look much better, but they fail horribly at the tear-away part. As in, they don’t tear away. Not good.

Heidi right away tells everyone they sucked this week. They did. It was pretty bad. Some of that is because they only had one day, HEIDI. Team Slick and Hip are the losers. So SoG wins even though they didn’t actually make tear-away clothes. They are up first. Daniel thinks maybe it should be flashier? But the clothes are just baggy and uninteresting. We finally get a look at Patricia's shirt, which isn’t that great. It’s white on white so it’s hard to see, but it just looks kind of puffy. They rail on him for the baggy long pants, and Nina goes off on a tangent of how they should be having fun and fantasy and whatever. Michelle smirks. You can see when they show shots of them that she’s standing well apart from the other three. Patricia thought they had to do office looks? Huh? Emmy tries to give them an out by referencing “50 Shades of Gray” and hot businessmen, but I don’t think they put that much thought into it. Nina says the coat looks like the smocks you wear to get your hair done. Oo, it does. The point of the stupid handkerchief, says Michelle, is to extend his time on stage and give him something to throw to the audience. They seem to like Michelle’s look the best, and at least it’s interesting, I’ll give her that. He likes it. The last guy likes the pants, at least. The office idea was OK, but then Michelle’s look doesn’t go with the other two because maybe it looks like he works at the gas station. Zac gives everyone some credit for the attempt except poor Stanley. Heidi says, here is one positive: the other team sucked more than you.

Back in the Scrap Bin, Michelle says she wishes she had put her foot down to make things more interesting. Samantha comes out looking irritated, or at least Zac thinks so. Amanda claims they all came up with this idea about suits, and then they start passing out blame and saying who made what. In this light, Layana’s jacket is even worse because the colors are all slightly different shades of black. Or maybe the body of the jacket is dark blue with black trim. Eh. Richard is explaining how he didn’t know how to make collars and something about a collar stand, because one of the collars is just sitting weirdly. As we watch, that model starts futzing with his pants, because as he is just standing there and moving slightly the Velcro keeps coming undone because the pants are too tight. Nina completely loses it. Hee, it’s fun to watch, because now he’s flexing his hips on purpose. One of the guys says he’s not embarrassed, because he thinks they were just too rushed to do the proper stitching and stuff. See, that’s what happens when all your challenges are one day. Maybe let people have a couple days to do things. Heidi thinks Samantha’s vest and pants are the best. Nina tries to talk but starts giggling again. Eventually she gets out that they look like caterers and Layana’s jacket looks like a women’s jacket. Heidi wants to know who should go home. Samantha says Amanda because her pants are terrible, Richard agrees, and Amanda says she had a hard time working with Richard. She says he took too long to do things and it made everyone nervous and he doesn’t listen. Richard replies that’s bullshit and everyone shot him down. Layana explains that Richard has stupid ideas so he should go home and he is inconsistent. Richard says he made his shirts himself, and didn’t ask for help, like Layana asked him for help. They get into whether or not Richard gave her any good help or if he let her make a crappy jacket, but of course no one agrees on how that actually went down.

Richard says Amanda dragged him through the mud, but when she tries to explain herself, he says it’s the runway and they’re all out for each other and it’s all good? It’s possible he’s just being honest, but it’s also possible he’s trying to sulk and make her look bad. No, she tries to apologize and he bitches that it’s too late for that. Amanda starts crying and says she thought she was being constructive and it looks like Richard forgives her. But he says it’s hurtful because he wouldn’t say that about anyone on the team. What? What about the stuff you said about Layana? Whatever.

Heidi complains about the construction, and Emmy does too, but you aren’t going to get that much out of a day, with menswear. You just aren’t. Nina hates the name “Team Slick and Hip”. They hate Layana’s jacket, because it did not fit at all and the lapel was too weird. All of Richard’s shirts were too long and the collars were bad. Even if you’ve never made a shirt before, can’t you just cut off the bottom if it’s too long? None of them know how to tailor. Amanda’s pants were too tight and one of them had wonky legs. They could have tucked the shirts in but the pants were too tight. Samantha made the only pair of good pants. Team SoG gets laughed at, especially Patricia’s woven shirt. They like Michelle’s outfit but it doesn’t go with the other two. They could have put a belt on the trench coat and it would have looked better. Heidi wonders if they even have a winner.

Heidi tells everyone there is no winner. Burn. Team Shades of Gray are all in. Samantha is in. Layana is in. Eh. Heidi says this was a hard decision. Richard is in. I’m mostly OK with that, because he did try to make something different and got shot down. It would suck to go out making something you didn’t want to make. Amanda is out. She says she didn’t get her personal point of view across because she wasn’t thinking big enough. She knows when she did exactly what she wanted it was well-received. She’s also excited to get back into the studio and get to work.

Next week: ready to wear, Lord and Taylor, Stanley and Patricia get in a fight. Michelle and Daniel get in a fight. Fights all around.

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