Monday, April 12, 2010

TAR16, Recap Leg 9, 4/11/10

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on How DO You Say “Fast” In Malaysian?, teams flew from the Seychelles to Penang, Malaysia. The Cops incite Team Like the Iraq to U-Turn the Lesbians should the opportunity arise. The Cowboys beat the Speed Bump and surge from worst into first, while Steve and Allie, though bagless, have difficulty finding the right temple for the detour and perform a Bald Snark, which smacks them squarely into last, and they are eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
2nd – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians
3rd – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock
4th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
5th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!

Pinang Peranakan Mansion, Penang, Malaysia

10:02 AM Jet/Cord (1st)
Clue: Make your way 400 miles by bus and train to the country of Singapore! Once there, find the Victoria Concert Hall and search the grounds for Allan Wu, host of TAR Asia, who will give you your next clue. You have $190 for this leg of the race.


10:12 AM Carol/Brandy (2nd)
10:31 PM Louie/Michael (3rd)
10:50 PM Brent/Caite (4th)
– Caite: “We have to U-Turn the Lesbians!” (Toyouke: “I'm not particularly attached to the lesbians, but I feel that all this stupid "They're so mean they deserve to be gone" whining is tiresome. Call the whambulance and the rest of us can get on with our lives.”)
11:09 PM Dan/Jordan (5th) – who talk about how they are playing a clean game, and unless it means that they would be out, are not going to play a U-Turn or a Yield.

Teams arrive at the bus station and get busses in the following order:

Bus 1, departs 10:47 AM
1) Jet/Cord

Bus 2, departs 11:00 AM
1) Carol/Brandy

Bus 3, departs 12:00 PM
1) Louie/Michael
2) Brent/Caite
3) Dan/Jordan
– who find out that the other two teams on their bus REALLY don’t like the lesbians and feel that they are a threat. (Toyouke: “'I learned a new phrase! "U-Turn the shit out of them!" Now I will use it every 5 minutes like a 6 year old! '”) Jordan: “I think they just don’t like the lesbians, but that’s not a reason to use the yield.” Oh, but he was all ready to go ballistic all up on them if they had said they were yielding them for being gay, which was excellent. (Toyouke: “Leave it to Jordan to know exactly what is really going on.”)

Teams arrive in Kuala Lumpur, which is where the teams transfer from the bus to the train. All teams get on the 9:30 PM train to Tanjang Pagar Station in Singapore. As the train is arriving, the lesbians jockey for position, prompting comments from the teams that don’t like, such as, The Iraq, like them, such as the Detectives? And such, like, as. (Toyouke: “Oh ladies get their way but bitches don't? Apparently asshats can't get their way either. However…I probably wouldn‘t let people by on the train. “)

Teams arrive and get taxis in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jet/Cord

Teams taxi and arrive at Victoria Concert Hall and find Allan Wu (Toyouke: “Woo! TARAsia!”) in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan – who know exactly who they are looking for and avoid going inside. (Toyouke: “Jordan! Smart! Knowing he'd be outside!”)
2- Louie/Michael
3- Jet/Cord
4- Brent/Caite
5- Carol/Brandy

Teams open the envelope and find all sorts of surprises.

In front of the clue envelope, we find the FAST FORWARD!


Recall (if you can, since we see these so rarely anymore) that a fast forward is a task that can be performed to allow one team to skip all remaining tasks and head directly to the pit stop. However, each team may only use their fast forward power once on the race, so they must decide when it is more advantageous to use it. In this, the only fast forward on this race, (Toyouke: “ONLY ONE FAST FORWARD? WTF IS THAT?!?!?!”) teams must travel to the Singpore Flyer, which Phil describes as a “giant wheel of fortune” and take the observation wheel to the top. Once at 541 feet, teams must climb out of their car and travel from one car to the other in the air. Once complete, they get their next clue and skip all remaining tasks and travel directly to the Pit Stop.

Teams decide to go for the Fast Forward in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan – which is a good move, actually, because it is so rare for them to be in first, and it guarantees a first place finish for them. But Jordan freaks out. Dan: “If you fall and die, I love you.”
2- Louie/Michael – who decide that they Detour they chose was too hard and try for it. When they arrive, Dan and Jordan are attempting, so they leave and go to the other Detour. (Toyouke: “This is why they should have more Fast Forwards. Then it would have been worth it for Michael and Louie to go for it, because maybe the teams ahead of them didn't bother. If you only have one, then the first place team goes for it and everyone else might as well not bother.”)

So – Ferris Wheel, climbing, Fast Forward for their team. They get their Fast Forward and travel to the PIT STOP at Marina Barrage. Jordan: “Oh, I can see it from up here!”

All other teams now get the Detour Clue.

Pounding the Drums OR Pounding the Pavement

*Pounding the Drums: Teams must travel Speaker’s Corner and find a child to teach them how to play a complex drum routine. Once learned, teams perform it with a group on stage. If they perform it correctly, a performer will give them their next clue.
*Pounding the Pavement: Teams must travel to a pedestrian mall, where they collect a box of wafers, a loaf od bread, 2 umbrellas, 4 chairs and 10 boxes of ice cream and then find an Ice Cream Uncle, make and sell 25 ice cream sandwiches to get their next clue from the Uncle. (Auburnium0513: “Ice cream and actual bread? Eeww.”)

1-Jet/Cord choose Pounding the Drums
2-Brent/Caite choose Pounding the Drums
3-Louie/Michael choose Pounding the Drums
– who, as we have learned, give up on this task, and bald snark to the Fast Forward. Michael: “We’re off like a prom dress.” Once they realize it has been taken, they Double bald snark to Pounding the Pavement and sell ice cream.
4-Carol/Brandy choose Pounding the Drums – Carol wants to give up, and she and Brandy persevere.

(Auburnium0513: “So it seems that all the teams agree with me about the appeal of bread and ice cream.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite – Caite: “Where’s the U-Turn? I want to U-Turn the Lesbians! They hurt my feelings!”
2- Louie/Michael
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Jet/Cord

Teams are then instructed to travel to Penang Road and Orchard Road in order to find Istana Park.

After that, teams arrive at the park in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Louie/Michael
4- Jet/Cord

When they arrive, teams find the U-Turn.

This is the second U-Turn of the Race. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is not blind, so teams must reveal whom they u-turned.

1-Caite/Brent choose to U-Turn Carol/Brandy – which is not a shocker in the least. (Toyouke: “I mean...they're it makes sense to U-Turn them. But you're only doing it because of ONE comment made ON THE FIRST LEG. Seriously.”)
2-Carol/Brandy have been U-Turned - so they head back to Pounding the Pavement. And Brandy makes fun of Caite the whole way. (Toyouke: “Man I wish the lesbians HAD been making fun of Caite this whole time. It's better than Millie Mole.” Auburnium0513: “Actually, Carol and Brandy, it's really smart of her to U-Turn you. You are a stronger team than hers.” Kmanpat: “EVERY team is a stronger team than hers.”)
3-Louie/Michael cannot U-Turn
4-Jet/Cord cannot U-Turn

Teams then get their clue, which is right next to the U-Turn box, in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Louie/Michael
3- Jet/Cord
4- Carol/Brandy

Teams are now instructed to travel to ASL Marine Shipyard to get their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Louie/Michael
3- Jet/Cord
4- Carol/Brandy

And teams come to the eighth roadblock.

Who’s ready to add some stress to their day?

In this roadblock, both team members must dress in appropriate attire, and then one will go onto the dock and count anchor chain links. Once they get the correct number (521), the foreman will give them their next clue.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Brent
2- Michael
– who pulls out his umpire pitch counter. (Auburnium0513: “Smart packing, detectives!”)
3- Jet
4- Carol

After much link counting (Toyouke: “Are...are they shouting random numbers to screw them up? That's fantastic!”), teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Jet/Cord
3- Louie/Michael
– who forgot their clipboard, and then try to steal the lesbian cab in order to make up time. (Toyouke: “Oo, I do not approve of cab poaching ever.” Auburnium0513: “Thank goodness the cabbie had a sense of integrity. That was about to be some dirty racing with cab thievery!”)
4- Carol/Brandy

Teams are then instructed to travel to Santosa Island and find the MegaZip, a 1200 foot zip line. They arrive in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Jet/Cord
3- Louie/Michael
4- Carol/Brandy

Teams Zip line and get to the base to arrive in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Jet/Cord
3- Louie/Michael
4- Carol/Brandy

Teams are now instructed to travel to Marina Barrage. This is the PIT STOP of the ninth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in MAY be eliminated.

1- Dan/Jordan – and they each win a motor bike. Dan: “Thank you, but neither of us will use them.” Jordan: “Our mother would kill us!” (Auburnium0513: “'Thanks for the sucks, but we still love it!"”)
2- Brent/Caite – Caite: “We u-turned the lesbians because they were mean to me!” (Toyouke: “I enjoy mocking Brent and Caite. See, if they'd been doing that all season, then yeah, mean old lesbians. But they haven't.')
3- Jet/Cord – Jet: “The closest thing to a musical instrument that we play is a radio.”
4- Louie/Michael
5- Carol/Brandy

And Carol and Brandy are eliminated. They are convinced that the u-turn was vindictive rather than strategic (which it was) and don’t feel they should be eliminated. That’s ok. You’ll probably get to run decoy for the rest of the race anyway.

1st – Dan/Jordan
2nd – Brent/Caite
3rd – Jet/Cord
4th – Louie/Michael

In two weeks (due to the American Country Music Awards): Teams race to Shanghai! Puzzles blow away in the wind! And Poppin’ Fresh Jordan is not laughing when he gets poked in the stomach! Until next time!

1 comment:

David Desk said...

Loved your recap. I hate Team Such As more than Carol and Brandy.
Take a look at my blog on TAR and Project Runway: