Thursday, November 6, 2014

Project Runway All Stars 11/6/14--"The Art of Construction" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: this show moved closer to the original by casting a bunch of people who actively hate each other. Yay. Pretty much this season is everyone from the teams season, and a couple other people. They split everyone into two teams, girls vs. boys, and they had to either be inspired by uptown or downtown. But nothing really had to go with anything else. Fabio won, which is nice, with a jumpsuit. Patricia was sent home which is too bad because I had been looking forward to a benign wack-a-doo designer. (click for more)

Field trip! They head to…somewhere with a garage door with the logo on it. So everyone bangs on the door like hooligans. Inside is a huge warehouse full of crap. Unconventional materials time! When Alyssa finally gets to the point Gunnar puts hands to face like he is shocked. Oh you knew it was coming. Several people either did really well or won their season’s challenge. Kate has baby’s breath in her hair like a crown and it bugs me for some reason. They must make something feminine, since it’s all “masculine” construction materials. Alyssa says whatever you can find here, you can take to the workroom, and they edit it like Michelle looks over to the two hot construction workers. Attagirl. Apparently that happened because Alyssa addresses it! As Jay and Sonjia hoot about it in confessional, Alyssa says they can’t take the men home. But you can take their clothes. Hee. She emphasizes femininity again. 15 minutes to gather materials. Lots of tearing around and yelling and people grabbing things just so no one else can have them. Alexandria yells at Sonjia for stealing some of her stuff. Of course Sonjia doesn’t think it’s a big deal, because I’m sure she would not mind if someone took her things. Be pissed Alexandria didn’t label her shit but don’t pretend like you don’t think it matters.

One day challenge. Everyone gets real tools to break down all their stuff. Alexandria talks about how she’s going to win, so clearly she is top or bottom this week. Kate talks about art. Jay makes wedding dresses, so he’s moving away from that? Meanwhile Kate has white netting and she’s cutting out tiny white flowers to put on it. Justin and Ben realize they’re doing the same thing: plastic white netting like cyclone fencing. Ben hopes it will be different enough. Jay cuts up a tarp, until he realizes he can tear it. Tearing it is loud though. Gunnar whines about it. Justin puts zipties on his netting to make fringe. Michelle paints something orange. I mean, it was orange, and I’m not sure what it used to be, and now it’s green. Dmitry makes a bodice out of rope, as Chris decides Dmitry must have seen him doing the same thing and is now copying him. Chris is pissed. He says he has to change it, and then Dmitry is like “excuse me are you making it lower or what?” Chris goes “I’m making it red. *super long pause* Because I WAS making it black but I guess YOU are.” Chris has gotten bitchy since he was on. Dmitry thinks the only reason he’s pissed is because Dmitry’s is better. Whatever.

Zanna appears. Fabio has constructed some tool out of wood and nails to quilt some plastic twine. I think. Ben has too much muslin showing. Chris is corseting his top made of rope, but he needs to try to make it not look like rope. Dmitry says he’s knitting the piece. There are a lot of swirls and things happening. Zanna tells him to look around and make sure it’s different from everyone else’s stuff. Heh. Jay made a belt with nails and plastic twine, where the nails hang down like a peplum. Some rapid fire criticisms for various people. Justin has a great back to his bodice. Michelle may be “sporty” but there is no explanation as to why that’s bad. Sporty can be feminine. Alexandria has “goth”. It’s a black dress with a bunch of netting and crap on the bottom. Kate’s dress is too Cinderella and she does that too much. Sonjia actually did take a vest from a construction worker. Hee.

Sonjia is really worried now because she doesn’t know if her look is feminine enough. She’s starting over and making a new dress out of caution tape. Model fitting. Some people have nothing to try on. Alexandria has a two foot wide ring of chicken wire on the bottom of her skirt. Nice. Everyone is frantically working. Chris bitches to Michelle about Dmitry stealing ideas. Chris! I love you. Don’t be that guy. Michelle asks Sonjia if she’s worried that stitching all that caution tape might cause the skirt to fall apart, and Sonjia’s like “Well I am now”. She walks around, holding the skirt around her waist, and apparently it’s already falling apart. Not good.

Runway day. The workroom is a disaster area. Jay tears more tarp. Ben and Justin ended up doing totally different things after all. Michelle thinks she’s in a good spot. Hot makeup guy Scott! Why don’t they let you work the first episode of things, hot makeup guy Scott? Justin can’t feel his fingers from the zipties. Sonjia finishes so her model will be clothed.

OK, so whoever is dressing Alyssa, why is it that when she gives the designers their challenge, she looks perfectly fine, but when she is on the runway she is dressed/styled so she looks like she’s about to give birth right now? I almost can’t tell she’s pregnant at the challenge, but on the runway she is huge. What is the deal? Just be consistent. Guest judges are fucking Snooki and JWoww. Alyssa tries to use their real names but no one is going to call them Nicole and Jenni. What in the fuck is this, Lifetime? How are those two qualified to judge a fashion competition? Are you really so desperate for judges that you have to do that? Maybe that’s a sign your show is in the toilet. I can’t believe you are going to present this to me and expect me to watch their critiques and be like “Oh, yeah, that’s a good point, Snooki”. Please. Either you think I’m a moron, or you don’t care that I know the producers decide things so it doesn’t matter one bit who is the guest judge. And then Alyssa is like “Elie Tahari is here too.” If I was him I’d fire my agent or whoever told me I should be on this show with damn Jersey Shore people.

OK. Clothes. I’m still pissed though. Jay: short blue dress, in a tarp. Covered in fringe that he made from tearing up that thing. She also has a giant necklace made of two strings of nails, sticking out like fringe. The dress has a high-ish neck (the necklaces get in the way) and elbow-length kimono sleeves. Fabio: crop top and short skirt in bright colors. I think it’s woven from plastic cording? When they show close-up shots I can’t tell how he did it which is cool. The back of the crop top is open, like it’s one of those tops that you wrap around and there’s an inverted V in the back. Kate: short white strapless dress with a full plastic skirt. The bodice is mesh with tiny flowers, concentrated over her boobs. Eh. It’s not terribly bridal but I’m underwhelmed. Alexandria: strapless black sheath dress, knee length. At the hem there is a big poof of blue, I guess a tarp (the rest of the dress looks plastic too) and then a huge ring of mesh/chicken wire. It’s boring and then you get to her knees and it’s crazy. Michelle: short sheath dress in what looks like painted plastic. It’s constructed in stripes, that she sewed into a chevron. I thought it would point down, but the point is aimed at her head. It’s cute. Helen: dress in burlap with shoulders and the top of the bodice in broken pottery. It’s not very exciting but we’ve heard from Helen once so I’m sure she’s safe. Actually the bottom of the dress looks like more pottery or torn paper or something. Patchwork.

Ben: short white strapless sheath dress. Somehow he’s made horizontal tiers and a wide tier over her boobs. Gunnar: silver mini skirt and bandeau top, and then over that is a harness or something made from chains. Like one of Amanda’s damn fringe outfits from last season of regular Runway. So of course I hate it. Fringe and an undergarment. Samantha: blue pencil skirt and top made out of rope. She just made a spirally design with the rope and glued it in place, so that girl is pretty much naked. It’s strange. The skirt has weird lumps. Dmitry: dress made from rope. The top is strapless and part of the top coils around her neck. The bottom hangs loose. Too loose, as she turns around and her ass is hanging out because the ropes aren’t lying in a flat, solid layer. Oops. Chris: the top is just a halter top with the same rope, wrapped around her. The bottom is black leggings and a hot pint rope “skirt”. It’s not solid, it’s like a cage, and open like a cage. Plus it’s shaped weirdly. Sonjia: long gown made out of caution tape. The skirt is all layered, all vertical stripes, and the top is more haphazard. Looks pretty good. Justin: short dress with netting. He tied zipties on all of it to make fringe, or almost a furry dress. There’s white mostly, but black along the top of the bodice for some interest. It sparkles a little bit from the plastic. It’s so fantastic.

Dmitry, Fabio, Gunnar, Ben, Helen, Sonjia, and Samantha are safe. Kate’s dress looks slouchy. It makes her model look like she’s slouching and has a pooch. Elie wishes it was longer. Too crafty and lingerie. Georgina likes it because of course she does. It looks like Marchesa. Snooki wants to wear it to her wedding so that should tell you everything you need to know about it. Michelle’s dress looks like duct tape. The textile is great but the rest of the design is boring. I guess. Justin’s dress is super amazing, but Isaac has to nitpick about how she’s got some bulging under her arms. No one cares, Isaac. Alexandria used a tarp for the black part of her dress, I think, and it has a weird texture. Super 80’s. Elie likes it for some reason. Jay used his tarp really well, and the necklace is amazing. It works really well with the dress being short and fringe-y and light. Chris doesn’t have “fashion”. It still looks like rope, although Isaac likes the skirt. “Skirt”. Georgina prompts him to throw Dmitry under the bus, which he does without naming names. Georgina is like, don’t worry about other people.

Justin gets emotional because he’s never won a challenge. Kate was feminine but that’s about all that outfit has going for it. Justin did a great job and this dress makes noise just like his test tube dress. Jay was the only person to use the tarp properly. They like Chris’s skirt but his top is too boring. Alexandria didn’t construct her dress properly so her model didn’t look feminine. Michelle at least had a wearable dress, but it wasn’t super exciting.

Kate is in. Justin wins! Of course. Not that I disagree, just that once he said he’d never won clearly he was going to win. Jay is in. Chris is in. Alexandria is out. See, told you. She doesn’t think she should have gone home. “I’m not a crafter, I can’t be defined by a tarp.” Sure.

Next week: Wicked! Couture! Ugh. This show doesn’t really do haute couture. Betsy Johnson, so a much better guest judge.

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