Project Runway 8/8/13--"Tie the Knot" summary

Previously on Project Runway: there was a product placement challenge combined with a team challenge combined with an unconventional materials challenge. Since the product placement part was supposed to be about getting words to inspire the looks, and we didn’t even find out what most of those words WERE, clearly that part was just to make some money. Helen was paired with Kate, and realized Kate is not a bitch. Also Helen won. Sandro was a jerk to everyone, because he’s a jerk. Timothy and Miranda were horrible and also mentally unstable, what with Timothy changing the design without telling Miranda and then her telling the sewing room what a terrible ass he was while he was in the room, and then apologizing and Timothy being a terrible ass and complaining about her on the runway. Not ready to be on TV. In the end, the judges sent Timothy and his unicorn home, which was unusual because I thought they were going to milk a couple more weeks out of him. (click for more).

We actually begin the show in the Scrap Bin. Drunken careening (not really, just a camera person running down the hallway to hurry and get to the room before the fight stops) takes us back. Sandro and Helen are yelling at each other about how Sandro has no respect. He says never to yell at him and I think something about how boys make gowns? Ken tells him to calm the fuck down and that he’s out of order, which is great. Sandro flips him the bird as Helen actually cries and tries to leave. I’m not sure what happened, because it seems like Sandro said something to Helen which started the argument. But I don’t remember anything like that. Ken says “What are you gonna do about it” and Sandro tears off his mike and storms out. He knocks over a maximum of things on his way out of the building. A camera follows him, of course.

“36 HOURS EARLIER”!?!?! Fuck you, producers. I already know he’s walking out because you put it in every promo you had. I don’t need this flashback bullshit. Just do the episode in normal order and let us anticipate it. Remember when Keith got kicked out and we all knew it was happening? And part of the good of the episode was waiting for it to happen?

Bradon and Sandro and Alexander discuss how Timothy broke and Sandro complains that he doesn’t know what the judges want. Helen has immunity and she is thrilled. Jeremy says he got back to the hotel and found out his grandmother had died. Aww. He can’t make the funeral (it’s actually his husband’s grandmother so he’s sad about leaving him alone).

Tim greets everyone with a big display of bow ties. Alexander has assumed menswear. Jesse Tyler Ferguson! Who comes out in a bow tie and suit jacket with piping so he and Tim are like twins. Hee. All the bow ties belong to Jesse. The challenge is about how he and his fiancée have a bow tie line and the proceeds benefit marriage equality but it’s not menswear. Your design has to incorporate at least one bow tie. I guess you are supposed to be inspired by bowties? Hey, they’ve had stupider challenges. 30 minutes to sketch, suggested budget of $200, one day. Jesse is the guest judge.

They just leave everyone with the pile of ties to take what they want. People are talking about scarfs and draping and giant bows. Jeremy talks about his grandmother again, and didn’t he say it was his husband’s grandmother? I know that doesn’t mean he’s not upset, but all his interviews, he’s pretty calm, and it’s not “his” grandmother. Although I guess constantly saying “my grandmother-in-law” is awkward. Sue spends $400. Oops.

Bradon apparently last night predicted they’d be making wedding outfits for gay couples. That would be a great challenge. He’s claiming he was right because it’s pretty close. Sandro says something about it, and that Bradon’s a witch? He’s slightly homophobic about it, although that may be because Sandro is a jerk and everything he says sounds jerky. Bradon says he’s been with his boyfriend for 18 years. Aww. Helen asks about Sandro’s fabric and says she likes one side better and his colors are cute. He says something about trying to be simple, but in such a weird voice the camera catches Karen looking like he’s a crazy person. Sandro continues to complain about how the judges think his designs are too much and he doesn’t know what they want so if they don’t like his design he’s going to just ask them what they want. Justin interviews that his disrespect is not OK. Bradon is making a bodice out of bowties. The flat part, not the front shaped part.

Tim time! Dom has lots of stripes and piping to mimic the HRC equals sign everyone put on their Facebook profile. Tim says the piping looks like a potholder. Also make sure the stripes line up. True that. Sue has two different garments because that’s how she works. It would be better if she hadn’t spent twice the suggested amount. There’s a black with two ties crossed across the chest like a bandolier and some train made out of ties? I’m not sure. Miranda has a cropped houndstooth jacket. With big shoulders. Tim hates her idea of a blouse with a tie at the neck. Not sexy. Kate has equestrian and black leather and a tuxedo stripe of black leather with the tie shape. Nice. Sandro asks if he can use a nickname for Tim, which I think is “Top Gunn”? Maybe? It sounds like he’s still saying Tim so I’m not sure what the joke is. Subtitles, people. Sandro really needs them. He complains that everyone says his stuff is too much. Tim says that’s how he designs, so Sandro thanks him and says he’s trying to figure out what the judges want. Tim tells him not to change his designs to try to give the judges what they want. Be yourself. Sandro is obsessed with Zac and how Zac hates him or something. Zac complains about the details, and Sandro knows they don’t have time for details, and he also believes if he talks back like that he’ll be eliminated. In confessional he challenges Zac to a one-on-one battle. Yeah right. Tim says to be himself. Don’t tell him to be Sandro. Sandro is an asshat. Also the nickname is Top Gunn.

More Tim time. Jeremy is still upset but has been inspired by his gran. Tim says to think about the lace he’s using. Tim loves Bradon’s bodice made of cut up ties. He says not to make a skirt though. Helen has a simple dress and Tim says it doesn’t look like menswear. This throws her for a loop for some reason and now she’s super upset. Huh? I guess she thought it was masculine and when he said it wasn’t she lost it.

Helen runs to the sewing room to complain to Sandro. She interviews that she knows when she gets criticized she freaks out. Model fitting. Miranda says making something sexy is difficult. Kate worries about making pants. Bradon has spent all his time stitching the top, but he still needs to make shorts and he wants a jacket. Sue has a plain black dress and giant strings of ties like kelp. Sandro says something about vaginas and clams. Helen complains some more. When time is up, Bradon has not started his jacket.

Day of show. Tim gives them two hours. Of course everyone is still working. Helen’s still freaking out. Bradon is almost out of time. Dom asks for a bowtie of hair. Hot makeup guy Scott. Jeremy says it would be special to win this challenge. There is so much frantic running around.

Heidi decided to wear a bowtie. Isn’t that cute. Nina did not, because it’s Nina. She is above these things. Dom: sheath dress, hem at the knee, sleeveless, in gray and white pinstripes. The stripes are that tiny size that makes you slightly dizzy when you look at it. All along the top for a collar she’s put bowties, but all of the ties have the same size stripes in different colors. Like someone liked one, and bought every color they had. They’re arranged kind of randomly so they overlap and make a cool patchwork. They stick up around her neck and it looks cool. Jeremy: long chocolate trousers which are not exciting, and then a red lace jacket with lots of ruffles along the edges and cuffs. To imply the bowtie he has a plain scarf, also in red. Just a long fabric rectangle draped around her neck. The jacket is cut so you can see her bellybutton. Ugh. Also the pants are wide-legged and have weird vertical stripes at the ankle. Bradon: brown tweed shorts, and a crop top with a halter that is made out of horizontally layered ties. Just the flat part in the back, not the curvy part in front of the tie. Also a jacket in the same fabric as the shorts that she takes off quickly so we can’t see if it sucks or not. The back is all random strips and skin. Ken: black leather sheath dress, with white stitching on the bodice and a little white collar, like she’s wearing a button-down shirt underneath. The ties are in the seams, I guess? They’re not very obvious. Also exposed zipper. Miranda: black and white houndstooth skirt and jacket. The skirt is just below the knee, a pencil skirt, and the jacket is cropped and has elbow length sleeves and big shoulders. There is a green crop top for a shell, and I guess a bowtie as the trim on the neckline of the crop top. Which she didn’t sew so it’s just pinned, I guess. Helen: long dress in putty, with a center panel in darker putty. There’s a belt and two straps lining the shoulder seam in baby blue. The skirt seems to be chiffon or something. I don’t know, it’s not that great. The skirt is pinned weirdly in back so it looks caught on something.

Alexander: black pants and sleeveless top with a peplum. Then over that is a collar of bowties, making a rainbow. He didn’t do anything to them but fan them out so it’s like a giant stiff fan sitting on her chest. I kind of respect his balls-to-the-wall commitment to the theme. Even though it’s a clown collar. Sandro: pink tight strapless dress with a miniskirt. Then there is a long voluminous skirt in the same pink, attached to one hip and draping around and to the floor. Two gray bowties are sewn like straps, and he’s folded down one side so they kind of look like fish. All up the back it looks like instead of a zipper he has sparkly hair clips. The back is tight over her butt, then all along where the overskirt is attached, it slants downward and has folds. You remember Leanne’s folds and noodles? Like that only smaller so they just stick out. Also I think there is some sparkly lacy designs somewhere. Sue: long black dress with a high collar and no sleeves. The ties are sewn like a harness, criss crossing her chest and then hanging down and trailing on the ground. She just sewed them end to end so she has strings hanging off her. Justin: simple black dress, with a full skirt and a V-neck, with gray piping starting at her shoulders and going down to the hem. It’s cute. The piping nips in at her waist. Kate: tight pants in brown with darker brown leather along the sides. The leather is shaped like bowties. The top is a big gathered red top. It looks like she just took a bunch of fabric, attached it to a strip at her neck, then let it hang down over her torso and put a belt on it. When they show a close-up on the top, it is pleated and looks better than it did. Karen: tight blue pants and a weird top with white, and then mostly polka dots on the sleeves and back to match the bowtie that is trimming the neckline. Alexandria: white top with a blue-grey tie lining the sides. I think there is no back. The skirt is more white, with some gray side panels, and a diagonal hemline. It’s fine.

Kate, Bradon, Jeremy, Sue, Dom, and Miranda are the top and bottom. Heidi says before they dismiss everyone, they must berate Helen for sucking. Nina basically says she thinks Helen won last week because she was working with Kate. Oo. Be better next time. Heidi tries to dismiss them, but Sandro says he would like to know some comments about his garment. Zac steps up and says it looks like she had a one-night stand and attached the tie to her dress after it ripped. Hee. “The walk of shame after an awards show”. Sandro starts to make his argument of how he only had 11 hours, and Zac likes the construction but not the taste. Heidi reminds him pointedly that he’s safe. Sandro continues arguing and wants to know what the judges want, and Zac says it’s too many things going on. Heidi would not wear it, and Sandro asks if it’s about if Heidi would wear something or how designers are? Dude, you are safe. Shut up and go. Zac responds that he doesn’t know who Sandro is because everything he does is referential to other designers. Oh man, you are losing this argument. Heidi basically says they’ll talk to him when they call him out in the top or bottom and they finally all leave.

Back in the Scrap Bin Helen is understandably offended about what the judges said about her and Kate. Sandro is like, now you see what I’m saying about the judges, and he declares that this is why he decided to fight. Ken says what Sandro did was bad, because he was safe so just be quiet. Helen joins in that it was disrespectful, and Karen says it wasn’t the time or the place. Helen also adds that she didn’t say anything about how Nina thinks she rode Kate’s coattails, because that is not the time to say it. Sandro of course says he wasn’t screaming and blah blah. Helen’s not doing this properly, because her whole argument seems to be “put yourself in my shoes”, like she is very interested in reminding everyone that Nina was mean to her. Sandro has no interest in trying to put himself in anyone’s shoes, and now we’re back to the start of the show. Sandro and Ken yell at each other and Sandro basically threatens Ken like he’s going to do anything. Then he leaves. Once he’s outside, the camera follows him down the street where he flips off the camera, then says “I’m going to smash this camera, I promise you.” Then he does it, but two seconds later the camera is still following him down the street so probably he didn’t break it or anything.

Back to the actual show. Bradon’s jacket that he whipped up looks OK. Heidi loves it and pretends she doesn’t have a model’s body. Nina likes the mix of fabrics. They love all of it. Dom talks about the equals sign she was going for. It’s a lot of stripes, but they line up perfectly and it’s fantastic. They even like the hair bowtie, which I could do without, but whatever. Sue talks about exoskeletons. This is one of the bottom designs. It’s amateur and Zac wrote “Octopussy” and Nina wrote “Alien”. Heh. They think she didn’t put any effort in. Jeremy talks about his gran and it doesn’t work. It’s old but then there’s a bellybutton exposure? Jeremy knows he was off his game. They don’t like it. Kate’s top is really long. It’s full and it’s too long I think. They love it, of course, because they seem to really love Kate this season. Did they bring her back so she could win? Was there a big outcry when she lost? Nina loves the pants. Miranda for some reason is talking about gender-bending. This is not really masculine. Heidi has to ask her where the bowtie is, which is only on the trim on the neck. It’s 80’s and not in a good way. Heidi and Zac think the green crop top is the worst part of the outfit.

Tim comes out with the models and then says before they look at the garments, he has to tell them Sandro is AWOL. But then they just keep on judging. They go on and on about how awesome Kate is and she stepped out of her comfort zone and whatever. I like Dom’s better. At least they do admit it was great. Tim lets them know Sue spent twice as much money as everyone and they don’t see why or where the money is. Oh, they hate it. Tim claims responsibility for Miranda’s top, because he talked her out of the other blouse with the floppy bow. He asked for sex but he did not expect this. Heidi notices the jacket is lined in green, which no one sees and was a waste of time. Jesse says “we always talk about a taste level on this show” and I giggle because OF COURSE he is a fan of this show. Jeremy’s jacket is beautifully made, but it’s so old and it ages his model. Bradon spent a lot of time sewing and they appreciate the work.

Heidi says one of them will be out. Really? Did they find Sandro? They really need to just kick him out for assaulting a cameraman. Bradon is the winner. UGH. Dom should have won. Bradon declares on the runway that he’s proposing to his boyfriend. Shouldn’t you do that when your boyfriend is in the same room as you? Aww, it’s cute. That’s mean of me. I hope he said yes. Dom is in. Kate is in. Heidi tells the bottom three that Sandro has eliminated himself and will not be allowed to return. Good. So everyone is in. Miranda is crying because she almost went home? She’ll miss Sandro? I’m not sure.

One week later Bradon gets to Skype his boyfriend, who tells him about DOMA and Prop 8. Then his boyfriend proposes. Hee! OK, that’s hilarious. They’re so cute.

Next week: teams of three and ANOTHER unconventional materials challenge. Sigh. Some model is not dressed. Ken is a diva.