Friday, August 16, 2013

Project Runway 8/15/13--"You Choose Your Materials!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make outfits for bowties and Bradon won, then proposed to his boyfriend. No one lost, because Sandro had a breakdown and walked off set. Now we are down two people who probably should not have been cast on a television show. Woo.

Bradon is glad Sandro is gone because at least it will be quiet. Helen has no sympathy and says he was just due for a blowup. Oh, now, let’s not forget that the whole reason you got mad at him was because he wouldn’t acknowledge the judges were mean to you. Jeremy now understands how to interpret challenges, since he was in the bottom three and got some feedback.

Heidi is wearing some weird disco/art deco jacket. Tim will be in the Meatpacking District to meet everyone with “surprises”. “Proceed with caution.” Whatever. Karen is wearing a silver cord as a headband. The kind that go over your forehead, not across the top of your head. Tim is waiting for everyone with a bunch of cars because it is time for more product placement. Lexuses (Lexi?) for everyone to drive around in. Also teams of three! Yay. Ken, Alexandria, and Sue. Ken says Alexandria talks too much and Sue doesn’t know how to do anything. Kate, Jeremy, and Karen. No drama at the moment. Justin, Dom, and Helen. And Alexander, Miranda, and Bradon. You must make a “luxurious, high-end mini collection that is three looks.” Each person must make an individual look. The cars can be inspiration but they don’t have to be. The suggested spending amount is $1500 per team which seems like a lot. The GPS in the car is set to three different places, and they must use materials from two of them. Because it’s unconventional materials again. Wait a minute. 1. Be inspired by the product placement, then 2. Work in teams to 3. Make clothes out of unconventional materials. I just saw this episode TWO WEEKS AGO. Come on. I never thought I would wish for a “design for Heidi” challenge. The three locations are a vintage wallpaper store, a specialty food store, and a home goods and party supply store. They have one day.

Even though they don’t have to be inspired by the cars, all the designers are talking about the design of the cars and picking up shapes to use and blah blah. I’m so irritated by this episode already and it’s been 5 minutes. I will say, though, that they do appear to be letting the designers actually drive the cars. Justin feels bad for Ken. The home goods/party supply store is like a combination of Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Party City. The vintage wallpaper is really cool looking. Mostly people are buying things at the home goods store, but the wallpaper store is doing some business. Ken and his team seem to be buying a lot of drapery and shower curtains. They are also arguing about what they’re going to actually buy and holding up the line. I don’t think anyone else bought as much actual fabric. Dom and her team are buying dried berries to use like beads. Bradon’s team decides white with silver as an accent is fine. Ken whines about teamwork and how his team lacks it. I am sure he is certainly not helping that situation.

Time to work. Team Dysfunction is not cohesive. It sounds like Sue can’t make patterns, which is not unheard of on this show. Lots of people just make shit up. Of course in Ken’s eyes it means Sue is useless. I’m pretty sure she didn’t say she didn’t sketch. If she’s making her own outfit what do you care? Ken bitches in the sewing room about both of them, while Alexandria and Sue fight amongst themselves about something else. I mean, I’m glad to see it’s not just Ken, but whatever. Miranda is quilting her wallpaper. Ken gives his team the side-eye and announces that everybody should be sewing right now? Sue says she can’t sew when she doesn’t know exactly what she is doing, and Ken wants her to get a foundation, so she doesn’t have whatever she did last week. I’m tired of this already. It’s like Sandro left so Ken decided he could be the villain and just started being an asshole. He declares that there shouldn’t be draping and when Sue says her client is 35-40, Ken just looks down his nose and says “I don’t design for 40 year old women.” You should, they have the money to pay you. Sue interviews that she’s taking a backseat so they can get something done. Jeremy has placemats. Dom and team are using the car for inspiration.

Tim time! OH, but he brought Sandro. I’m shocked they let him back on set. Tim says he’s there to say goodbye and bring some closure to everything. Sandro asks for forgiveness if he made anyone uncomfortable. He actually specifically apologizes to Helen and Ken, without that half-assed “I’m sorry if you misunderstood me” crap you get sometimes on reality shows. He does seem contrite, but I’m not sure he decided to leave. I wonder if they wouldn’t let him back. Ken will miss him, but Helen is still firm in her decision that he sucks.

Tim comes back for real Tim time. Bradon and Alexander have used raffia blinds and they have that quilted wallpaper. Tim loves it all. Karen has some patchwork thing happening, but the minute Tim says “quilt” she gets nervous. He wants them to make it sophisticated. Jeremy and Kate get a passing grade, but a warning to not just use placemats. Helen’s team only spent $600 out of the suggested $1500. Uh oh. Dom says they didn’t need to. There’s some shoulder fins going on. Most of the clothes are wallpaper, and they look like paper. Team Dysfunction has like, curving collars and stuff. It sort of goes together, but Ken is making faces. Tim calls him on it, and Ken says the girls are “vomiting” too much information. It’s Tim. He wants too much information. That is his job. Ken has pleated some placemats, and he gets praise because they don’t look like placemats. Sue is using a curtain, and Tim says it makes him sick. They might as well have gone to Mood. He accuses Sue of throwing the whole challenge, then asks her if she’s ever seen the show before? Heh. She should know what to expect from an unconventional materials challenge. It’s true, they don’t want fabric, they want you to use something else and make it look like fabric. Tim basically says she could go home just on principle. While Sue is protesting, Ken smirks and ruins any superiority he might have gained from being right. You can’t be an ass about it. Tim, because he is AWESOME, turns from Sue right to Ken and calls him out for smirking like an ass. “You think you’re going to rise above all this by smirking about it? That disappoints me too.” I love you, Tim. Ken learns nothing and tells Tim that this is the best Sue can do right now. Ass. There is just silence while everyone looks uncomfortable. Dom claims everyone is thinking it. Sue knows how to sew, and she can’t be bothered by shit people say.

Alexandria tries to brainstorm what materials they have left, while Ken just rolls his eyes. Not helpful. Helen crumples and irons the wallpaper so it looks like paper? Or not like paper? I’m not sure. Bradon’s team is behind. Model fittings. Ken micromanages everyone. He actually goes to Kate to find out what happens when your team loses but not everyone has a crappy look. You aren’t so great, Ken. Helen says pants are too conventional. Justin calls his family, which is cute. He’s emotional but mainly that’s because his pants aren’t working. I think. Bradon is helping his team a lot, since he has immunity. Jeremy is spreading glitter in stripes. Ken is also bossing Alexandria around, for some reason. She says she doesn’t have enough fabric to do whatever dumb idea he has, and he asks if Sue doesn’t have more of whatever (in a bitchy tone of course) and they both just stand there. So he gets all offended and says he’s done talking. THANK GOD. The girls roll their eyes and talk about how much they hate this. Ken’s not so great.

Runway day. Ken has decided to just take care of himself. Even if your team’s designs aren’t as good, at least it won’t be as obnoxious in the workroom. Miranda is behind. Actually, probably everyone is behind. Justin’s pants aren’t working. Jeremy is really confident. Ken can’t handle only minding his own business so he’s all worried about if Sue has started sewing or whatever. He’s also putting duct tape on his dress which is annoying to him but it’s unconventional so it’s probably fine. More annoying to me is his weird harness he’s made from skinny white belts. For himself. Hot makeup guy Scott. Lots of freaking out and frantic pinning and stuff. Sue is hand sewing everything because as we’ve seen, she has trouble with the sewing machines. When Tim calls time, her dress is not done. As in, Tim has to get Alexandria to leave the sewing room before she can sew it together so it’s not open in the back like an apron. At first no one at all will leave the workroom which is kind of funny. While everyone is standing in the hallway, Sue has finally gotten the outfit on her model, although it’s not fastened or anything. Or sewn up the back. Tim goes over and says this is unprecedented but he has to stop them because it’s not fair to everyone else.

Guest judge is June Ambrose. She is wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Seriously, they are like, fuzzy half-circles on her head. Alexander: beige crop pants made out of wallpaper with a silver windowpane, and the top is silver with a fluffy white scarf or collar that looks white fabric with fringe. I think this is the blinds. There is also a wide tan belt. It’s interesting. Miranda: silver short dress, in a pattern (I think all the silver is the same wallpaper) and a deep V sleeveless top in the windowpane. It looks cute but not super exciting. Bradon: long skirt made from blinds that is gathered at one hip and a simple top. It’s very impressive, moreso because it looks like it could be real clothes. There is a long train.

Justin: pants made from wallpaper in a yellow-brown print, and a white top with no sleeves and a red collar. The hemline of the top is longer on the sides than in front, and the collar is berries that go along the front in a crew neck and then the whole back is open and lined in berries. The back is cool. Dom: short brown dress in the same wallpaper as the pants, with a red berry belt and shoulder fins. There are arcs of fabric attached to her shoulders that stick up like fins. It does make the dress more interesting. Helen: plain white dress with a big balloon skirt that has a lot of volume and ends at the knee. There is a little origami flower on the front.

Sue: so I’m not sure how Sue got anything sewn together so her model doesn’t have to hold her dress together. Short dress with one shoulder strap, in gray. All down the front is some black, and I’m not sure where that came from because as they were all running around before the show I don’t think I saw any black. Actually it looks like the black is stapled on somehow. Ken: one shouldered gray top, with a black belt and a black skirt. It is not that exciting but it’s alright. He and Sue both made boring dresses though. The front of the skirt has a sheen to it, but the back is clearly duct tape. Alexandria: OK first of all, you can hear her garment because the plastic is squeaking. Hee. It’s a plastic skirt (or duct tape maybe), and a silver sleeveless vest with a high collar that stands up to her chin, with an asymmetrical closure. Hey, it’s more interesting than the other two. Not that that’s hard to do.

Jeremy: strapless dress that hits just below the knee, with a peplum and vertical stripes of glitter down the sides. Glitter. Karen: short dress with cap sleeves and a high crew neck. It is a patchwork, but the patches are random and separated by thin strips of a sheer netting or open fabric of some kind. It doesn’t look that bad. Kate: short black dress, with a high slit and a very deep V. I’m not sure what it’s made out of, but the model is walking very carefully. It also looks like there are some clear pieces on the sides. I’m not sure.

Jeremy, Karen, and Kate are the winners. Ken, Sue, and Alexandria are the losers. Oh, like that’s a surprise. Heidi makes sure to tell Bradon, Alexander, and Miranda they were a close second. Kate says some random stuff about futuristic. There are clear panels in her skirt. Sigh. It looks tacky to me. I just noticed Heidi’s top is really low-cut. They love Jeremy’s dress and the fit, and Heidi says her boobs look great WHICH THEY DON’T. I’m sorry, they don’t have any support and the cups are riding low and they don’t look great. There is also a lot of talk about the car which is dumb. They talk about how great everything is but in terms of being a mini-collection, I don’t think these three looks go together. But of course, this is Kate and they mentioned the car a million times. Even Nina is talking about the car which makes me a little sad.

Team Dysfunction. No one wants to talk, no one knows what is going on. No one has anything to say. Sue and Alexandria are speaking so softly the judges can’t hear them, which is a little bit funny. No taste and bad sewing on all three, says Zac. Alexandria’s skirt, on close-up, is a lot of horizontal layers, which actually is kind of cool. The judges hate on it for a while. It doesn’t look expensive enough for Nina. Out of nowhere Alexandria loses it and says sorry (not sorry) but one-third of their team doesn’t know how to sew. Wow, I thought it would be Ken who started that. Sue tells the judges the most important thing for her was team harmony. Ken claims he and Alexandria had to stop their own work to make sure Sue had clothes. I saw Alexandria do that but not you, Miss Diva. I seem to remember you claiming you were done helping. Alexandria says something about the principal’s office? And Ken tries to pretend he was a nice person. Turns out they offered to help Sue with patterns so saying Sue asked for help is not working for you. Alexandria tries to nail her about not using the sewing machines, but Sue wants to be perfect which means sewing by hand. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Nina interrupts and says they’re all focusing on Sue but the other two garments suck also. Thanks, Nina. She goes on a rant for a minute, and Heidi is like “We didn’t know Sue can’t sew” and Nina is all “Well NONE of you can sew!” I love Nina. The only piece Nina kind of likes is the one with the cutout in the back which is Sue’s. Ken explains they spent a bunch of money on curtains and other fabric items. Alexandria tries the “we did our best but it was hard” defense but that never works. Everyone had a hard time. Ken throws Sue under the bus for not having her model dressed when they left. Oh, they suspected that. Ken of course thinks Sue should go home. Alexandria, who maybe is doing a lot of speaking before she thinks, basically says Sue sucks at sewing but is easier to work with. Specifically she tries to say how Ken makes you walk on eggshells, but she says “walking on glasses”. Ken turns to her all scary because of course he expected Sue would overshadow everything. Alexandria is stuttering and finally, after a direct question from Nina, sort of explains how Ken is hard to work with. She’s not speaking her case very well. Ken attempts to pretend he was just worried about details and he had no idea they hated working with him (probably, I’m sure he didn’t notice much past his ego) and then when Alexandria tries to talk he says “I am speaking.” Ass. The judges look at each other. Maybe that look was edited in, I don’t know. Basically Ken leaves out the part where he had nothing but contempt for his teammates and he was an ass. No one asks Sue who she thinks should go home.

In the Scrap Bin Sue feels betrayed. Jeremy asks if she really thought they would carry her along. Am I missing something? Does Sue really suck that badly? Because right now it looks like everyone else has decided to gang up on her when they could just let her fail. Ken says something really dumb about breastfeeding, and then stops talking. Alexandria starts to say something, and he says “I am speaking so I need you to be quiet.” You stopped talking. Also no one wants to hear you anyway, jackass. I wish Alexandria would tell him off but she doesn’t. Of course he’s mad at her, and has the balls to ask her not to look at him. Who does that? Now he’s going to sit in silence so no one is uncomfortable and blah blah, that involves you SHUTTING YOUR DAMN MOUTH.

Tim admits he yelled at Ken and team, and also that Sue’s model was actually sewing her own dress. Not good. Zac says that Alexandria’s outfit is well made and has clean seams. Tim wants to speak up and tells them she at least tried to get the team together. They know she was scared of Ken. Ken even intimidated Tim. So if that is all that comes out of having Tim on the runway, that’s good. He can tell the judges when people are jerks in the workroom but pretending to be fair and polite on the runway. They hate his outfit. They can’t say enough about the winning team. I still think Kate’s clear panels are kind of tacky and Jeremy’s was kind of boring. All agree the choice is between Ken and Sue. Nina says they have to decide which is the weakest garment. HA! Like they care what the garments look like.

Jeremy is the winner…eh. Was his garment “a major wow”? I don’t think so but most of these outfits weren’t that great. Sue is out. Shocking. Heidi makes everyone stay on the runway like they’ll eliminate Ken too. Sue knows this wasn’t her best work. She admits to the Scrap Bin that this stuff hurts her. Alexandria is in. Ken is in. Like they were going to eliminate two people. He says he’s safe, and then sits on the couch and cries. It is seriously uncomfortable in the Scrap Bin. No one is saying anything to anyone else. Tim won’t save her so that’s it. Everyone hugs Sue although I’m sure she doesn’t hug Ken. That ass won’t even stand up from the couch to say goodbye. I have no sympathy for you Miss Diva. Sue knows she can do better.

Next week: Tim is wearing a horrifying suit made with some kind of camo print. Everyone has to go “glamping” which is dumb. Lots of running around outside. Tim gets emotional.


The Angry Taoist said...

I just wanted to say that I love your recaps the most out of any of them. Thank you for recapping in a fun way, and not constantly talking about how you're going to quit the show or how much it has changed or how Tim Gunn is a zombie now, etc. I don't really see MUCH difference from the first few seasons. There has always been drama, always, from Nora to Santino and beyond. Thanks!

Toyouke said...

Thanks! You're right, there has always been drama. I'm less tired of drama than I am of the producers being predictable. It helps me be less irritated to make fun of everyone. But thank you for reading!