Thursday, August 22, 2013

Project Runway 8/22/13--"Let's Go Glamping!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: we basically repeated the second episode, only with different teams and a different sponsor and different unconventional materials. Jeremy won, because the judges were mean to him last time. His look was fine. Team Dysfunction (because there always is one) was Ken, Alexandria, and Sue. Ken was pissy from the beginning, and I found out there were two things I missed. One was that upon gathering around the cars, the girls asked Ken if he was going to chauffeur. Whether or not that’s a sexist thing or a racist thing, still not OK and it means Ken was not the only person contributing. Then in one of the stores Ken said he wanted a gun. Lovely. Alexandria looked like she was the nice one but on the runway threw everyone under the bus, earning a “don’t even look at me” from Ken. Sue can’t sew, and everyone knows it, but Ken went about telling everyone and being a total bitch about it, so when they sent Sue home they pretended like they would send Ken home too. (click for more)

Also Fashion Week is the first week of September this season. So they’ll have 8 collections, I think, which for them is positively sparse.

Jeremy is super excited and cheerful. The boys in the apartment pretend to be happy to have Ken around. He compares Alexandria to Judas. Honey she isn’t that bad. Alexandria claims she doesn’t to be sucked into the drama, but she was the one throwing people under the bus.

Heidi and Tim greet everyone. Tim calls attention to his camouflage suit, which is a crime. HEINOUS. Heidi claims she is also dressed for the outdoors, in her designer jumpsuit and stilettos. It’s ANOTHER product placement challenge. Shut up, everyone. I’m tired of this crap. Tim claims this is “a camping trip”. Ken quickly says he doesn’t like outside, but Tim clarifies this is “glamping”. Which is when you want to claim to be outdoors, but you have a big tent and beds and a generator for electricity. You might as well buy an RV. I don’t like the idea of “glamping” just on principle. You should have to sleep in a tent on the ground.

Everyone runs around because they have 30 minutes to pack. They all say “glamping” 400 times until it has lost all meaning. Someone has a camo bowtie. Miranda hopes for paintball because she wants to shoot some people. That would be fun. Finally they get to the campsite, which is very pretty. Tim pretends he pitched the tents. Unlikely. Someone from the product placement is here, which is a brand of bottled water. Sigh. They will have to design something inspired by nature and “your activities” which sounds ominous. This is Fashion, not something you would actually wear camping. Dumb, they should have to make futuristic camping wear with built-in solar panels and shit. They’ll stay overnight, then go to Mood in the morning and have the rest of the day to sew. Tim then bails. He was probably wanting to get out of that stupid suit.

Karen has been real camping so she thinks this is a breeze. Ken complains about the bugs. Justin actually is really pleased to be outside because in the workroom, he can listen to people or work on his design. He can’t do both because he has to be reading lips. So hanging out without having to sew is a great opportunity for him. The girls eventually notice Alexandria is not around, because she is literally hiding in the bushes, sketching. She says now she’s in the bottom so she’s lost confidence. There is rafting. Not really white water, but rafting. Also a zipline. Jeremy is noticing they are all actually pretty nice people. Ken’s still complaining. OH MY GOD STOP SHRIEKING. It’s just a zipline. Later around the campfire Justin teaches everyone how to curse in sign language. Hee! That’s awesome. Eventually everyone starts sketching and doing work. Ken claims now he is having a spiritual connection and it’s cleansing for him. Whatever, maybe all his shrieking got it out of him. Jeremy writes a love letter to his husband and decides to use it in his design somehow. Oh, they have real food! Stupid! Justin asks if everyone has a favorite sound to listen to, which for some reason seems really sad. S’mores are made, so at least they’re doing something that is like camping. “Glamping”. Ugh.

Oh, it’s so sad everyone has to pack up! “Pretend Survivor” is over! Whatever. $300 suggested budget. Mood is Mood. Nothing really crazy happens but Swatch looks cute. Actually Justin is going to make lace out of glue from the glue gun. And in one of the shots you can see a display of books. There are two books side by side, a book by Tim Gunn…and one that is blurred out. Ha! No product placement for you!

Tim appears and claims the workroom is tranquil. It is now. Ken says it’s a good thing they didn’t run into a bear. No, that’s a terrible thing. A bear would have kicked ass. Alexander says “Or a tiger”, which is kind of sad when you think about it. Ken’s all, Alexandria’s still here. Ha ha, jackass. She kind of rolls her eyes, but no one else laughs so that’s something. They do laugh when Alexander says something about “pulling out the knives”. Actually, there is very weird, loud laughter that starts and stops abruptly so who knows if that’s when it’s from. Bradon is doing some kind of embroidery which seems to involve sewing long lines back and forth to make a vertical print. Helen complains about it for some reason I can’t figure out. It’s too loud in the sewing room maybe? Jeremy paints his love letter on his fabric. Both Ken and Dom are water-inspired. Justin’s glue lace looks like it might be cool. Alexander is planning a long gown that has to be fitted perfectly. Alexandria is making a jacket. Bradon’s stitching maybe isn’t working.

Tim Time! Karen has a white/beige gown because of the tents, but it’s boring. Right now it’s just a long column with a band over her boobs. Tim loves Justin’s lace. He doesn’t want to play it safe, and Tim was going to tell him not to play it safe, so they’re on the same page. Alexander is making bark out of leather, I think, but it may be bottom-heavy. Bradon has almost nothing, because he’s spent too much time embroidering. He says he’s inspired by moss, but he has bright blue and yellow. Tim tells him he’s distracted by the embroidery because it looks like a children’s drawing. I’m not sure if he’s going to continue or not. Alexandria has a great shape but she also has dropped-crotch pants which are terrible. Tim hates them. Ken has some weird folds over the chest or something, in what looks like crushed velvet. Eh. Jeremy has super bright primary colors which is weird. He has to execute well. Helen has a beige masterpiece of strips and folds. That sounds worse than it looks.

Model fitting. Kate appears to have black electrical tape in a butterfly kind of pattern. Alexander has a perfect fit. Alexandria’s model likes her outfit. Bradon has nothing to put on his model, which is a bad thing. He kind of explains what he’s doing to his model, who points out Karen’s loose shapeless gown. Bradon stares, goes “Huh.”, and then puts his head down. I think that’s what he was going to do until he saw what it would look like. Helen’s fabric looks like a moth, which is what she was going for. It’s all beige layers and strips and it does look sort of like a moth. Ken goes around kissing up to people he likes. Helen’s fabric pattern, when put on a person, looks like a vagina. Heh. Alexander complains that Karen, Helen, and Dom are really loud. He says “Witches of Eastwick” so I guess a point for the reference. They really are loud. Karen asks Alexandria how’s it’s going, and she mumbles that it’s good, thanks for asking, but she’s really busy and she leaves. I don’t know if she doesn’t like Karen because of the noise, or she is shy (probably not that one), or she is trying to get away from the noise without having any conversations. Once she’s gone Karen and Dom laugh at her denim outfit so I don’t really blame her for escaping. Alexandria says she’s OK with not having any friends here. Alexander is hand-painting branches and putting leather pieces together. Karen is now dying her garment so she’s hoping it works. Bradon is having a crisis because he can’t get anything to work.

Runway day. Ken asks Jeremy if he can purchase his immunity. Ha ha, jackass. I know that wasn’t bitchy, but that is my reaction to whatever he says. Karen has a hairdryer which is pretty ominous. Tim appears to give them two hours to get done. Alexander is tearing all the leather pieces off his look, because his new idea is to just have big solid blocks of leather. The effect ends up looking like the whole train is leather, starting right where it hits the floor. Bradon is looking like he’s about to freak out. BUT I am making a prediction that he is fine, because I think the judges like him too much. Kate’s garment is so full her model looks pregnant, but I don’t think we even saw her talk to Tim so I’m sure she’s fine. Justin’s plastic lace is stretching and snapping which sucks. Hot makeup guy Scott. He flirts a little bit with Bradon which on the one hand makes me very pleased but on the other hand, Bradon just proposed to his boyfriend. The usual last-minute frantic working. Justin has a lot of glue on his dress. Bradon is still sewing at the last second. They’re trying to get rid of static, which isn’t working. Well, at least he has something.

Guest judge is Allison Williams, who is on “Girls”. Helen: long beige dress with a skirt covered in thin strips. They make a diamond kind of pattern and look less vagina-like than previously. But it wouldn’t look like a moth unless she had a big train or possibly a cape. Does look like a lot of work, though. Bradon: bright blue and yellow dress, with the collar made of the embroidered fabric. The blue is set over the yellow, and they’re cut asymmetrically so they flow and are supposed to move a lot. It’s belted right under her boobs and she kind of looks pregnant. It’s just cut haphazardly and looks ragged. Miranda: long black dress, with the skirt covered in blue and yellow petals. The top doesn’t look fitted, but the petals at the bottom are kind of cool. Ken: short dress in a dark green that looks like crushed velvet. You know, that kind of dark mottled look. Across her chest are the layers of folded fabric. I think he took long thick strips and folded them back and forth. This is green and red and white, but it just looks terrible. If she had any kind of chest it would be horrible. The back has a keyhole, but it’s not fitted properly so it looks like he forgot to zip up her dress. Zac has adopted Nina’s habit of shading his eyes with his notecards to see better. Hee. Alexandria: first of all, dropped-crotch white capri pants. Like, they end at her knee and the crotch comes down to maybe 4 inches above that. The denim jacket is OK. Ken pretends to like the pants. Jackass. Actually the jacket from the front is just plain, flat with a zipper and a crew neck. The back has a big keyhole and a piece of fabric like a bustle, but in the middle of her back. Those pants look like she tried to make a skirt/leggings combo but failed.

Alexander: long dark blue dress, very well fitted, with a train of black leather. Interesting. Justin: long dress in a light charcoal. The bodice comes down right above her crotch, and then there’s chiffon layers for the skirt. The glue lace is along the top of the bodice, then down the front in a narrow stripe and a big patch at one hip. I think there is also a strip of lace across her butt. Dom: long columnar dress in a mottled print, with a wide circular collar in black shading to blue. Karen: long piece of fabric that has belts above her boobs and as straps. Then the fabric just hangs of that with no shape. The dye is an ombre yellow which looks a little uneven but not horrible. The model is also kind of tripping. Kate: super full white skirt and a black pelt and black harness that looks sort of like if you tried to make zebra stripes out of electrical tape. She looks really pregnant. Jeremy: long flowing gown in silk. The silk parts have writing on them, and then there are random big triangular panels of beige, almost sheer. It looks cool although I kind of wish the whole thing was silk somehow.

Dom, Bradon, Kate, Helen, and Miranda are safe. So…Bradon is safe? I told you. Also I liked Dom’s. Karen tells the judges she was inspired by the tents and African safaris. Heidi thinks she looks trashy. Trashy? She’s covered from armpit to the floor. Nina thinks it looks like a beach dress but then she has leather fringed booties on. Hmm, that’s not good. And they think the yellow looks like an egg but I don’t think it’s quite there. Jeremy gets really philosophical about his place in the universe and as expected, the judges fall over themselves for the love letter. There is a row of white round buttons along her side that they love too. Those are pretty cool. Ken says something about the river or cliffs or something, I had to rewind. Nina is so bored she spells “boring” instead of just saying it. The chest thing is really heavy and she doesn’t like her styling. Ken says something about how this is what Mother Nature would look like. Mother Nature would look like Adele? That’s what she looks like, big hair and all. Maybe he was going for Gaia from “Captain Planet”. They all hate the top of the dress, and he can’t talk his way out of it. Alexander did paint his gown with branches, but I can’t see it at all. He’s up there for the fit, though, because it’s so perfect. Not everyone likes the leather, but I think they kind of at worst don’t care about it. Well, except for Zac, because he is bored with this one. The hand-painting is black on dark blue, and it looks cool but is hard to see. It’s very dramatic. Justin hopes to impress everyone with his lace, but it’s starting to flop and hang weirdly. They are OK with experimenting, and everyone kind of works around it but then Nina just goes for it: white + frothy looking + hip placement = “foaming vagina”. I love Nina. See, if Kors was here she wouldn’t have to say that, but I love that she’s stepping up. The sheer panels are weirding Heidi out, as if she doesn’t wear more revealing skirts all the damn time. Alexandria still cannot speak well on the runway. It just makes her mumble and babble and she can’t get her point across. Of course, because everyone is insane, Heidi loves the look and the model’s white eyeliner and hair poof. Nina goes so far as to claim the pants are like long johns. Oh, Nina. You were doing so well with the foaming vagina comment. Zac is all, I hate poofy pants, but I love yours! Barf. This is because Ken was such an ass to her, wasn’t it? So you want to praise her in front of him just to drive it home that he’s not so great. Sigh.

Back in the Scrap Bin Karen cries about how much work went into her dress. I care less than I care about Justin crying about taking a risk and getting dumped on. They still love Jeremy. Alexander’s dress is dramatic. Even Tim is getting in on the dropped-crotch thing. Tim wishes he had told Justin to reel it in. He was trying to be original though. Ken didn’t pick the right fabric and his model is top-heavy. They are bored with Karen.

Alexandria is the winner. Ugh. Whatever. She has immunity. Well, at least Ken is dying inside. Jeremy is in. Alexander is in. Ken is in. Justin is out. WEAK. Karen is in. I love Justin. Karen goes back to the Scrap Bin to cry. Before he leaves the runway he thanks the judges for letting him prove deaf people can do anything. Boom, guilt trip. Justin is not ready to go home at all, he has so much more to show. I would agree. Everyone gets up to hug him, because he’s pretty distraught, and then Tim comes in as he’s thanking everyone for inspiring him. Tim’s crying too. He says Justin is one of the sweetest people ever, and he believes in his talent, and Tim is USING HIS SAVE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Justin is determined to work his butt off and show the judges he can succeed.

Next week: Marie Claire, shoes, multiple people making plaid pants, Ken saying something stupid about playing the game or something. But Justin gets to stay!

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