TAR22, Recap Leg 1, 2/17/13

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, and it couldn’t come soon enough.  This time, we are traveling through Los Angeles.  For goodness sake, I know that LAX is a hub, but can we PLEASE start in a different city?  We only get to see the United States twice a season, since we (thankfully) do not do Family Edition anymore.  This time, teams are running up to the Griffith Observatory.  (Toyouke: " Oo, OBSERVATORY. You know what? I think that observatory is the one the Paula Abdul video for "Rush Rush". The one with Keanu in it.")  The eleven teams are: (click for more)

Chuck and Wynona, AKA Alabama Hicks, are married for fifteen years from Daphne, Alabama.  Chuck: "We're redneck country.  They say I'm rocking a mullet; what's a mullet?"  (Toyouke: "How do you not know what a mullet is when you have one?")  Chuck likes to do taxidermy.  NOPE!  Chuck Testa!

Bates and Anthony, AKA The Hockey Brothers, are brothers and hockey players from North Carolina.  Bates spent fifteen years in the NHL.  Anthony: "We're physical and good looking."

Mona and Beth, AKA Typical Soccer Moms, are working moms from Colorado.  But they are also involved in roller derby.  Mona: "We're going to kick everyone's ass!"

Max and Katie, AKA Team Honeymooners, have been married for three weeks from Buffalo, New York.  Katie: "We're using the Race as our honeymoon."  Yeah.  That's intelligent.

Dave and Connor, AKA Team LIVESTRONG, are a father/son team from Salt Lake City, Utah.  They are also best friends and cancer survivors.  Connor also cycles professionally.  Dave: "Every day is a gift."

Jessica and John, AKA Cocky YDC, have been dating for four years.  Jessica wants to get married.  John thinks he's the shit.

Idries and Jamil, AKA Team Heathcliff Squared, are twin brothers and OBGYNs from Chicago.  Jamil: "I'm the leader!"

Pam and Winnie, AKA The Token Asians, are best friends from Los Angeles.  They are fearless.  And they want money.

Joey and Meghan, AKA Team YouTube Cutegasm, are friends and YouTube sensations from Los Angeles.  Joey: "We're cute, you know."  Meghan: "Activate cute powers!"

Matt and Daniel, AKA The Backwoods Firefighters, are best friends and firefighters from Gaffney, South Carolina.  And that's all I get from them.

Caroline and Jennifer, AKA Team Nashville Stars, are country singers from the group Stealing Angels in Nashville Tennessee.  They want husbands.

The camera careens to the Griffith Observatory where the teams run in (Toyouke: "Ew, everyone has to run up the hill?") and where Phil gives his standard speech.  There will be twelve legs, nine countries and 30000 miles.  As per usual, if they win the Express Pass.  But there is a bonus!  They get a second Express Pass to give to whomever they please by the fourth leg!  Oh, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)!  Teams are now expected to go to a "spectacular tropical paradise" and participate in a challenge that will "take their breath away."  They will grab their luggage at the base of the observatory and choose a Ford Fusion which will play them their first clue.  Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready?  The world is waiting for you.  Good luck, travel safe.  Cue Phil's eyebrow pop.  GO!”  Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Griffith Observatory, Los Angeles, California, USA

Clue: Travel to Bora Bora, French Polynesia!  Make your way to Los Angeles International Airport and get tickets.  Once there, the first five teams will get on the better flight via Air Tahiti Nui and arrive one hour before the Air France Flight carrying the other six teams.  Then, teams get off the plane and follow the marked path to their next clue.

 

(Toyouke: “We're not even making them check which flight lands first? You're just going to tell them? WEAK.”)

Teams grab their bags and choose a vehicle.  Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Mona/Beth
2- Jessica/John
3- Idries/Jamil

4- Caroline/Jennifer

5- Matt/Daniel

6- Chuck/Wynona

7- Dave/Connor

8- Pam/Winnie

9- Bates/Anthony

10- Max/Katie

11- Joey/Meghan

Teams drive themselves to the airport and find the marked parking lot.  They arrive in the following order:

1- Chuck/Wynona
2- Idries/Jamil – who try and pass as delivery men.  Yeah, didn't work.
3- Pam/Winnie – who see through the Twin Cosbys' ruse.

4- Bates/Anthony

5- Dave/Connor

6- Caroline/Jennifer

7- Jessica/John

8- Max/Katie

9- Matt/Daniel

10- Joey/Meghan

11- Mona/Beth

Once everyone arrives, there’s very little jockeying for position, and the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1, Air Tahiti Nui:

1) Chuck/Wynona
2) Pam/Winnie
3) Idries/Jamil

4) Dave/Connor

5) Jessica/John – (Toyouke: "John looks super creepy when he smiles."  Kmanpat: "I think it's the eyes.")

Flight 2, Air France:

1) Caroline/Jennifer

2) Bates/Anthony

3) Max/Katie – apparently, Katie doesn't like people, so she fakes girl nice when they talk to the YouTubers.  (Toyouke: " SEE!? This is why I HATE this twist. People feel forced to make alliances. THIS IS NOT A SHOW WITH ALLIANCES.")

4) Matt/Daniel

5) Joey/Meghan

6) Mona/Beth

So, teams board their respective flights.  The Amazing Red and Blue Lines take us to Papeete, where teams arrive in the following order:

1- Pam/Winnie
2- Idries/Jamil
3- Jessica/John

4- Chuck/Wynona

5- Dave/Connor

6- Caroline/Jennifer

7- Bates/Anthony

8- Max/Katie

9- Matt/Daniel

10- Joey/Meghan

11- Mona/Beth

Once the first plane lands, teams start plotting.  Essentially, the Flight 1 Teams form an Express Pass alliance, so that if one of the five of them finish first, they would automatically give the Express Pass to the next finisher from the group.  Good idea.  But let's just race, shall we? (Toyouke: " This deal is...strangely OK. It's technically an alliance, but you still are competing against everyone else. I mean, I still hate it, but it's better than it might be.")

The Blue and Red lines continue, and teams arrive at Bora Bora in the following order:

1- Pam/Winnie
2- Idries/Jamil
3- Jessica/John

4- Dave/Connor

5- Chuck/Wynona

6- Bates/Anthony

7- Caroline/Jennifer

8- Mona/Beth

9- Max/Katie

10- Matt/Daniel

11- Joey/Meghan

Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who's ready to take a giant leap towards a million bucks?

In this roadblock, one team member must sign up for one of six helicopters that will carry a maximum of two teams at a time.  Roadblockers will then fly to 10000 feet and free fall over the island to a landing zone, where they will meet their partner who traveled by water taxi to meet them and get the next clue.

(Toyouke: "So I guess the "Amazing Race First" is the helicopter?"  Kmanpat: "Oh no, it's the free falling from the helicopter instead of an airplane.")

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- John – (Toyouke: ""Emerald blue"? Shut up, John.")
2- Jamil
3- Connor

4- Winnie

5- Chuck – who gets his own helicopter.  And banjo music.

6- Caroline – who informs us that she is directly descended from Daniel Boone.  (Kmanpat: "Hey we're related!  My great-great-grandmother Agnes Boone was his third cousin!")

7- Anthony

8- Matt

9- Max

10- Mona – who accidentally skipped a line on the sign in sheet, allowing Max to get the fifth helicopter instead of her.

11- Meghan

After much free falling (cue Tom Petty), teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jessica/John
2- Idries/Jamil
3- Pam/Winnie

4- Dave/Connor

5- Chuck/Wynona

6- Bates/Anthony

7- Caroline/Jennifer

8- Matt/Daniel

9- Max/Katie

10- Joey/Meghan

11- Mona/Beth

Teams are now instructed to make their way to the water taxis and go to Eden Beach on Motu Piti A'au to get their next clue.

Teams get their water taxis in the following order:

1- Jessica/John
2- Idries/Jamil
3- Dave/Connor

4- Pam/Winnie

5- Chuck/Wynona – Chuck, we learn, is a Wal-Mart shift manager.

6- Bates/Anthony

7- Caroline/Jennifer

8- Matt/Daniel

9- Max/Katie

10- Joey/Meghan

11- Mona/Beth

Teams arrive at Eden Beach get their next clue in the following order:

1- Jessica/John
2- Idries/Jamil
3- Dave/Connor

4- Pam/Winnie

5- Chuck/Wynona – who get lost on the way to the Roadblock, and find a woman sitting in a hut.  Chuck: "Do you have our clue?"  NOPE!  Chuck Testa!

6- Bates/Anthony

7- Caroline/Jennifer

8- Matt/Daniel

9- Max/Katie

10- Joey/Meghan

11- Mona/Beth

Once they arrive, teams get the second roadblock clue. 

ROADBLOCK:

Who likes to play in the sand?

In this roadblock, one team member must search a beach of 400 sandcastles in 100° weather to find one of eleven clues buried in the sand.  Once the sandcastle has been destroyed, it must be rebuilt if there is no clue underneath.  Once the clue is found, teams get their next clue.  Whoever did not take the first Roadblock must take this one!

(Toyouke: " Oh ew. Just like TAR Asia and that one Roadblock where they had to look for a surfboard.")

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Jessica – who describes the experience as opening up a gift, finding nothing in it, and then wrapping it back up again.
2- Idries – Idries: "Shut up!"  Jamil: "That's code for I Love You."
3- Dave – who chooses to start on the opposite end from everyone.  Good strategy.

4- Winnie – "Rebuilding these sons of bitches are hard!" (Kmanpat: "I guess we can say that on network TV now?" Toyouke: "They've been saying bitch and ass since NYPD Blue was on.")

5- Wynona – "When I heard we were coming to a beach, I was hoping for a chair, 7-Up and vodka."

6- Bates

7- Jennifer

8- Daniel

9- Katie

10- Joey – who dances through the task.  (Kmanpat: "I would be dressed like Max and acting like Joey, wouldn't I?"  Auburnium0513 and Toyouke: "No comment."  Toyouke: "Oh, and Joey, calm the fuck down.")

11- Beth

About halfway through, John feels the need to pretend like he is as awesome as Phil and give us a  play by play of what is actually going on.  And then a dog pees on the sandcastles.  After much sandcastle building, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jessica/John
2- Bates/Anthony
3- Dave/Connor

4- Mona/Beth 

5- Pam/Winnie

6- Joey/Meghan

7- Idries/Jamil

8- Chuck/Wynona

9- Max/Katie – who decide to take the four hour penalty for not completing the roadblock.  They also convince. . .

10- Caroline/Jennifer – and. . .

11- Matt/Daniel – turning this into a three way foot race to the Pit Stop.  

Teams are now told to make their way down the beach and attach a float to an outrigger canoe, known as a Va'a.  Teams are then instructed to paddle to the next Pit Stop.  (Toyouke: "There aren't a lot of chances for position changes today. You get on whatever flight, so there's that, but then when you get to Bora Bora the skydiving is anti-bunching and then there's Swedish Roulette. I guess you could fail less at the canoe?")

Teams assemble the va'as in the following order:

1- Jessica/John
2- Bates/Anthony
3- Dave/Connor

4- Pam/Winnie 

5- Mona/Beth

6- Joey/Meghan

7- Idries/Jamil

8- Chuck/Wynona

9- Matt/Daniel

10- Max/Katie

11- Caroline/Jennifer

Teams must now make their way to the PIT STOP by canoe, Motu Café.  This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld.  The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Jessica/John – who win TWO Express Passes.  Remember, they must give away the second one by the end of the fourth leg, and may not use it themselves.  But John starts rethinking strategy.  (Toyouke: "So what you're saying is...you want to be U-Turned by whatever alliance members you screw over.")
2- Bates/Anthony
3- Dave/Connor – who, if all goes according to plan, should get the second Express Pass.

4- Pam/Winnie 

5- Mona/Beth

6- Joey/Meghan

7- Chuck/Wynona

8- Idries/Jamil

9- Max/Katie – who will have a four hour penalty at the beginning of the next leg.  Max calls the move brilliant.  (Toyouke: "Taking the penalty is not brilliant. You are not Boston Rob.")

10- Caroline/Jennifer - who will have a four hour penalty at the beginning of the next leg.

11- Matt/Daniel

After tumbling into the water twice, the firefighters finish last and are eliminated from the Race.  They are worried about the flack they will get for being beaten by two blondes in a canoe race.


ORDER NOW:

1st - Jessica/John
2nd - Bates/Anthony
3rd - Dave/Connor
4th - Pam/Winnie
5th - Mona/Beth
6th - Joey/Meghan
7th - Chuck/Wynona
8th - Idries/Jamil
9th - Max/Katie
10th - Caroline/Jennifer

Next week: More French Polynesia!  It's YDC versus Livestrong for the Express Pass!  Stilts!  Deep Sea Swimming!  And Dave ruptures his Achilles!  Oh No!  Until next time!