TAR17, Recap Leg 1, 9/26/10

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, which, in my opinion, was a bit too long. But we’re back, and this time departing from the EAST Coast, for the first time in six seasons. There’s lighthouses! And Gloucester! It’s dangerous! It’s beautiful! And it’s Phil! From the lobster boats, the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Brook and Claire, AKA Team Infomercial, are hosts on a home shopping network type channel (what are we, describing a new Whose Line game?). Brook says they are communicators that manipulate. I just say you’re loud.

Chad and Stephanie, AKA Team Neverland are dating from Miami Florida. Chad bench presses Stephanie in their intro. Apparently he was a football player. And he has only been with Stephanie for eight months, but plans on proposing to her on the race. (Toyouke: “Oh Lord. Another proposal.”) Maybe she’ll say no.

Katie and Rachel, AKA The Beach Bunnies, are beach volleyball players from New Jersey, and have been partners for five years. They could be good.

Connor and Jonathan, AKA Team Glee, are friends and members of an a cappella group at Princeton. So they sing. A lot. Not that I mind. Connor: “Tenors are tough guys, bad ass, manly.” (Kmanpat: “Yeah, we are!” Toyouke: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!”)

Nat and Kat, AKA Team ER, are heart doctors and surgeons, and self-proclaimed nerds. I’m going to like them.

Michael and Kevin, AKA Team Internet, are a father-son teams from Sugarland Texas. Hey, I have a great aunt and uncle there. Kevin, also known as KevJumba to his fan base, has posted a number of videos online featuring him and his dad. Kevin says that conflicting culture is funny. (Toyouke: “5 seconds in and I love Kevin and Michael even more than I already did.”)

Nick and Vicki, AKA The Geniuses, are dating from Las Vegas. They have tattoos. And Mohawks. And they look badass. But don’t let looks deceive you. . .

Ron and Tony, AKA The Stagemates, are best friends from Los Angeles. And that’s all we really need.

Jill and Thomas, AKA Team Who?, are dating. And outspoken. Hey, I skipped them originally when I started typing this section, so maybe they’ll impress me. (Toyouke: “Still bland and pointless.”)

Gary and Mallory, AKA The Hillbillies, are father-daughter from Kentucky. Mallory is the current Miss Kentucky. And dad still wishes she were a boy.

Andie and Jenna, AKA Team Adoption, are mother-daughter. But Andie gave Jenna up for adoption at birth, and so they met for the first time when they were applying for the show. And they are running the race to get to know each other. Yeah, we all know how that goes.


The camera careens to the Eastern Point Yacht Club where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be twelve legs where each team will get a “small amount of cash”. Phil tells them that their first clue is on their bags. They are to run to their bags, solve the clue to get their tickets, and then to get themselves to the airport, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Oh, but wait, there’s more. There is a new element to the race. The first team to check in on Leg 1 will get a special prize: an Express Pass, which will allow them to skip any one task on a leg that they choose, either before they start it or during. (Toyouke: “"Express Pass"? Is this the new Fast Forward? I don't like it. “) Plus, teams have to drive themselves to Boston Logan in Smart Cars. (Toyouke: “HA Smart cars!!”) Once they arrive, only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight on American. Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. (Toyouke: “Woo! Eyebrow pop!”) GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Eastern Point Yacht Club, Gloucester, Massachusetts

Clue: Travel to London, England, United Kingdom! You may take one of two flights: American Airlines Flight 108, or Virgin Atlantic Flight 12, which departs a half hour later. To get tickets on a flight, teams must drive themselves to the airport. Only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight. Once in London, drive yourselves to Stonehenge. You have $100 for the first leg of the Race.

Teams find routes to the airport. Everyone piles into their Smart Cars. Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Nat/Kat
4- Chad/Stephanie – Stephanie: “I’ve seen Stonehenge!” Chad: “Where? On TV?” Stephanie: “. . . yeah, because I've never been."
5- Nick/Vicki
6- Ron/Tony – Ron: “We’re really good at navigating.” Foreshadowing, anyone? (Toyouke: “A compass is probably a good thing to bring with you.”)
7- Jill/Thomas – Thomas: “Oh, good, at least they speak English.” If he sticks around, later could be fun.
8- Andie/Jenna – (Toyouke: “Wait...mom and daughter have never really spent any time together? They never even TALKED before their application video? WTF is that?”)
9- Connor/Jonathan – get lost right away. Jonathan: “I hope we get out of America.”
10- Katie/Rachel
11- Michael/Kevin

Teams drive to the airport and find the marked parking lot. Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Ron/Tony
2- Chad/Stephanie – who promptly get in the wrong line to catch their flight. Marked flags, people. Do you not watch this show? (Toyouke: “Too bad Chad and Stephanie didn't get more lost. Idiots.”)
3- Jill/Thomas
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Brook/Claire – Claire: “I feel sick.” Brook: “So puke in the trash can.”
7- Nat/Kat
8- Michael/Kevin
9- Nick/Vicki
10- Andie/Jenna
11- Connor/Jonathan – (Toyouke: “Jonathan totally does look like Harry Potter.”)

Once everyone arrives, there’s the jockeying for position, especially from the lost Neverland team and the Beach Bunnies. But Neverland figures out that they need the second star on the right, not the big ass line on the left, and get the third set of tickets. Thus, the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1: American Flight 108
1) Ron/Tony
2) Jill/Thomas
3) Chad/Stephanie
Flight 2: Virgin Atlantic Flight 12
1) Gary/Mallory
2) Brook/Claire
3) Michael/Kevin
4) Nat/Kat
5) Nick/Vicki
6) Katie/Rachel
7) Andie/Jenna
8) Connor/Jonathan

So, teams board their respective flights. We follow the Amazing Red and Yellow Lines across the Atlantic to London. Cue stereotypical shots of London! Teams leave Heathrow for Stonehenge in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas – Thomas gets in the wrong side of the car, and then gets lost.
2- Ron/Tony – they decide they need a map, but then get on the wrong road to Stonehenge. So much for good navigation.
3- Chad/Stephanie – apparently, Chad has a temper. Oh, great, more bag throwing in Berlin. (Toyouke: “Of course the team that is like "We have a fast-paced relationship and I am going to propose after 8 months" is the team that is having the most drama.”)
4- Brook/Claire
5- Nat/Kat – we learn that Nat is a Type 1 diabetic. I wonder if something happens at some point.
6- Nick/Vicki – are lost. Please note: this is a trend.
7- Katie/Rachel
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Michael/Kevin
10- Andie/Jenna – Andie has a hard time getting a hang of stick shift and burns out the engine. (Toyouke: “Aaaannndd another team fails to learn stick shift.”) Jenna is very supportive, but eventually they get help from:
11- Connor/Jonathan

Teams arrive at Stonehenge in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat – Kat: “Those are big fricking rocks.”
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Katie/Rachel – and now Rachel has issues with the car, so Katie gets out to push. (Auburnium0513: “This is entertaining, stick shift flailing AND wrong side of the road flailing together. Excellent.”) And then the car takes off, leaving Katie. Hee.
4- Brook/Claire
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Connor/Jonathan
7- Andie/Jenna
8- Chad/Stephanie
9- Nick/Vicki – Vicki: “I’ve never heard of Stonehedge and find out it’s a bunch of rocks.” (Toyouke: “How can you never have heard of Stonehenge?”)
10- Michael/Kevin
11- Ron/Tony

Teams get the clue which tells them to go to “the castle that’s the opposite of Noreaster.” (Toyouke: “Real clue clue!”) Teams are to figure out that this means Eastnor Castle.

Teams drive themselves to Eastnor Castle and find their way to the Clue Box in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat
3- Brook/Claire
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Connor/Jonathan
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Teams are now instructed to storm the castle. Teams wear hoods as they climb up the side of the castle on a ladder. They are bombarded by peasants, and when they get to the top, they are to take one of the flags on the battlements. Teams then take the marked path to the moat, where they will find a Flo Boat (you know, TAR3, Vietnam, Flo meltdown, Boat, Bike, Boat, Bike, ZACK!!!, Boat, Nonelim, You win, blah, blah, BLAH!) and cross the moat to find a knight in shining armor with the same colors as the flag for your next clue.

Teams climb in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat
3- Brook/Claire – Brook: “We’re medieval!”
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Connor/Jonathan – Connor: “We’re missing graduation for this.” Jonathan: “Do we have time for a bathroom?” Um, No.
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki – Vicki: “Are you a battlement?” (Toyouke: “At least they KNOW they're stupid.”)
11- Ron/Tony

Teams then run to the Flo Boats, and most of them flail as they get their balance. Once it’s all said and done, though, teams get to their knights and get their next clue in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Brook/Claire
3- Nat/Kat
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Connor/Jonathan
6- Chad/Stephanie
7- Gary/Mallory – Gary: “Team Internet looks like carnies in a dunking booth.”
8- Michael/Kevin – (Toyouke: “See, I enjoy that Chad and Stephanie had trouble with the boat, but Kevin and Michael make me sad.”)
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s ready to go into battle with a knight in shining armor?

In this roadblock, one team member must mount the horse with their knight and travel through the battlefield. When the roadblocker dismounts, they must fire a Ballista, a giant slingshot, at a knight 50 feet away, and use watermelons as ammunition. Teams then find the jester to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Look! A jester!” Kmanpat: “Yet sadly, no jester stick.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Thomas
2- Claire – you all know her from the viral video of her stopping the watermelon with her face. (John Vito: “You know how she stopped it? With her FACE!”) The funny part is that Brook shouts right before that shot, “Right in the kisser!”
3- Nat
4- Rachel
5- Connor
6- Chad
7- Gary
8- Kevin
9- Jenna
10- Nick
11- Tony

After much watermelon launching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat – Nat: “You kicked his ass!”
3- Brook/Claire – Claire: “I made it my b1tch!”
4- Connor/Jonathan
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Chad/Stephanie
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Michael/Kevin
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Teams must now get themselves on foot to the PIT STOP, the Eastnor Castle Meadow. The pit stop is somewhere on the grounds, and they must find it. (Toyouke: “That's not very much searching. I mean, they made it sound like it was over the river and through the woods.” Kmanpat: “To grandmother’s house we go!”) This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Jill/Thomas – who win the first Express Pass. (Toyouke: “The most boring team won. Woo.” Auburnium0513: “May I point out they said "first" express pass.”)
2- Nat/Kat – (Toyouke: “Why do people insist on wading through water for no reason?”)
3- Connor/Jonathan
4- Brook/Claire – Claire: "I can't feel my face." Brook: "There are teams behind us, just run!" (Toyouke: “Yeah, that's super proud of your teammate right there.”)
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Gary/Mallory
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Chad/Stephanie – (Toyouke: “Because Chad and Stephanie thought like I did, that the Pit Stop would be far away. But I would have looked around nearby first.”)
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki – Phil: “SO, what country are you in?” Vicki: “The country of London!” (Toyouke: “Even Phil is making fun of them.”)
11- Ron/Tony

And Ron and Tony are the first team eliminated. Ron: “I can always call Tony if I need him.” How cute.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jill/Thomas
2nd – Nat/Kat
3rd – Connor/Jonathan
4th – Brook/Claire
5th – Katie/Rachel
6th – Gary/Mallory
7th – Michael/Kevin
8th – Chad/Stephanie
9th – Andie/Jenna
10th – Nick/Vicki

Next week: The teams travel to a new country: Ghana! Connor: “I want my mom!” Mallory: “What do we do?” Apparently, pray. Until next time . . .