Top Chef 12/6/18--"The Fastest Two Minutes in Cooking" summary

I'm not sure why we're in Kentucky, but there you go. New season, new gimmicks. I don't mind this gimmick, though, which is that the “veterans” that are returning are starting out in Last Chance Kitchen. Brother Luck and Carrie from Colorado, and Jim from Charleston. I don't mind any of them, honestly, so that's a good sign. (click for more)

We're currently in Louisville. Are they going to wander around like they did in Colorado? Whatever. The usual montage of people talking about how many awards they've won and where they've worked and so forth. Oh and apparently this year there are 3 teams for Restaurant Wars for some reason. Some insults. Some praise. You know the drill.

Everyone is at Churchill Downs. Caitlin hopes she does not fall in horse poop. Please, like they haven't cleaned everything to be on TV. Kelsey, who appears to be a hot blonde Southern belle, informs us that she is not just a hot blonde Southern belle. There's always someone on your reality show whose strategy is to be underestimated. Kevin is proud to be from the Midwest, specifically Iowa. Is Kentucky the Midwest? Or are we getting into the South? Get up here to St. Louis, Top Chef. You know Blais has a restaurant here now. Come on.

Tom and Padma are waiting for everyone with a trumpeter. A jockey and horse photogenically ride by. Padma asks if anyone's been here before, and Sara says she's been in the infield. Drinking. Oh look, my new favorite person. Now everyone introduces themselves and humblebrags. Brandon says he doesn't want to be the cocky guy, but he's worked his entire life to “dominate”. He looks like every jock ever. That's another reality show person, Mr. “I don't mean to sound cocky but I'm the greatest.” Most of the other chefs don't stand out. Eric's family is from Ghana and he's looking to cook his food, which should be interesting. West African isn't a cuisine we get often. David is from the same city in Jersey that Tom is.

Quickfire. We need 5 teams of 3. Everyone sort of drifts around and introduces themselves. It seems like it's strangers, but Eddie says he knows Natalie. Tom says the Derby is “the most exciting two minutes in sports”. Padma tells everyone they've got two minutes for the Quickfire. Hee! Each station has 20 ingredients. Each team will get two minutes to get their mise en place together, and then 20 minutes to cook something. Kelsey chirps “Yep!” at something Tom says about how important mise en place is, which makes me side-eye her. Calm down. After your two minutes are over, no knives. Interesting.

I have no idea who is on what team. We just met these people. Brian's team picks out rabbit because it will cook fast. Brandon bosses people. There is a lot of frantic working and not a lot of flailing, which is a good sign. Adrienne doesn't have enough time to portion her pork tenderloin, so she just has a big piece of meat that at least is cleaned.

Brandon is that guy who takes control on “Survivor” and then gets eliminated right away because no one likes him. His team knows he's being nice about it, but he has no idea if the things he's telling them to do are things they're good at. It doesn't seem to come up, and no one really fails, but he did just start giving orders. Kelsey talks about succotash, and then Bravo actually puts up a chyron explaining that succotash is lima beans and corn and butter. Well that's a first. Huh. Justin takes over his team. He just opened a restaurant and wants the money. Brian complains in confessional about a lid on a pan, but he doesn't say anything at the time. And even in confessional he's got a monotone, just a flat voice. Sara just now realizes she can't cut up her steak or trim the fat off of it. So...now they're not using it? What? Why can't you just use a big steak? Someone throws herbs away, I think Kelsey. She's kind of accusatory but I think she also admits she probably did it herself. There is so much going on, guys, and I don't know who most of these people are. Adrienne tears the pork with her hands. Kelsey finds her herbs or whatever when time is up. Luckily her team all laughs together.

Adrienne, Nini, Brandon: pulled pork tenderloin with sweet pepper relish, corn cake and gravy. Justin, Pablo, Sara: beet pickled poached egg, beef fat roasted carrots, roasted corn, mint, and carrot top. Eddie, Kevin, Natalie: coriander and turmeric corn broth, poached tilefish, herb salad with fresh corn. Brian, Michelle, David: pan seared rabbit over basil corn cakes. Caitlin, Eric, Kelsey: cornmeal crusted fried oyster, corn sauce, curry sauteed lima beans, peppers, tomatoes. Tom says they're nitpicking already.

Brian's team did overcook their rabbit, and it was “aggressively” seasoned. Eddie's team underseasoned their fish. Adrienne's pork was well seasoned and well cooked. Justin's team's poached egg dish had a great texture and Padma thinks it is better without steak. Caitlin's team had a great take on succotash. Tom thinks it should be someone's signature dish. However, Justin, Pablo, and Sara are the winners. Each person will win two VIP tickets to the next Derby. Sara declares she's getting a big-ass hat. Hee.

Elimination Challenge. The guest judge today is David Danielson, executive chef of Churchill Downs. He feeds about 160,000 people during the Derby. The challenge is to host a Derby party for 200. The teams stay, but now it's a head-to-head(-to-head) competition. One chef wins, one places, one shows. Winners are up for the win, placers are safe, showers are up for elimination. 2.5 hours to prep in the Top Chef kitchen.

Two things: the graphic is the Top Chef text over red barn doors, and Malarkey is up here on my screen shilling the product placement appliances they have in the kitchen.

Caitlin put her career on hold to be a mom, so she and Kelsey are bonding over motherhood. They both seem to be spouting cliches about whatever, but everyone needs a hook. Whole Foods time. Nini jokes about “Asian grandma” and says her family came to the States, and moved to Louisiana because they know how to fish. Kevin gets beets and ricotta. Or he's going to make ricotta. Caitlin plans tomato cobbler. That sounds good if it's tomato season. David gets to the checkout just as time is up and realizes he doesn't have flour to make gnocchi. Oops.

The Top Chef kitchen is huge. Justin tells us his body is like 60% bourbon, 20% pot, and 40% fried food. Great math, there. I mean his point is that he's not in shape enough for this show. Kelsey says traditional Kentucky dishes are just like Alabama's traditional dishes, which just backs me up that Kentucky is the South. Also she's making deviled eggs, which doesn't sound like a great idea. You guys remember when Robyn (I think) made deviled eggs when she had immunity and Tom was pissed. David plans soup, because he only has potatoes and bok choy and can't of anything else to do. Eddie talks about consistency and then reveals he works for Nick, the winner of New Orleans. You may recall I did not like him one bit. Adrienne has planned to make tortellini. Ambitious. Brandon makes some side comments about how he would never do that, and they're probably designed to psych her out. Sara and Kelsey worked together at some point. Sara promises she won't tell anyone Kelsey has pastry experiences, then outs her as a fake blonde in confessional. See, I knew I liked her. Pablo is thinly slicing fish but he's pairing it with bourbon sweet potatoes. Natalie's mom is Vietnamese, and she's taken the last 10 months off to be with her mom. Aww. Brandon is still talking at Adrienne, about how maybe she should just cut her pasta, I mean if she can stuff pasta in 30 minutes she's his hero. Sadly she does what he's suggesting, and he sort of half-heartedly says it'll still be great. Shut up, Brandon. Mark it, I'm sure I'll be saying that a lot.

Everyone heads for the mansion they're all staying in, which is HUGE. Brian brought earplugs for his roommates, because I guess he snores. He interviews that Brandon has a pompadour, and he doesn't like that, because he's supposed to be the hair. Calm down, Brian. This statement is given with the same inflection and level of emotion as the lid statement from earlier.

Next morning. Everyone heads to a ballroom with 45 minutes to get ready. Justin is ready to prove he can cook Southern food even though he's from Minnesota. Brian thinks he looks like a minion. Natalie hopes she has enough food. Brandon tries to joke with his competition, and I think he thinks it's charming and flirty. I guess it is, kind of. Still cocky, though. There's a lot of tasting each other's dishes. Caitlin made biscuits yesterday for her cobbler, but she's had to pry the biscuits off the top so she can toast them and get them hot and crispier, and then put them back on. She hopes it works.

Oh Graham's here. So even though this is set up like the usual “wander around to different stations and try everything” event, because they're still in the teams, the judges are up top at a table on the stage and they'll get served. Eric: raw sweet bay scallops with Ghanaian shito honey glaze, pickled shallots and celery garnish. Shito is a hot pepper sauce from Ghana. Why don't you explain that instead of succotash? Dumb. Anyway, Tom really likes it. Kelsey: pimento cheese deviled egg and spring salad. They only let the guest judge talk about Southern hospitality. Caitlin: tomato cobbler with salt and pepper biscuits and homemade ricotta. She made it too early and the biscuits soaked up too much tomato juice. Aww. Padma liked Eric's dish but maybe the spice was too much? So Kelsey wins? Whatever. Eric is second, and Caitlin is third, which I think she knew. She reassures people that they should still eat her food. Aww.

Eddie is really nervous. Kevin: roasted and pickled beets with homemade ricotta, olive oil, arugula salad. It needs salt and acid, but Tom likes the idea. Eddie: scallop crudo with haricot vert puree, apple slaw and puffed wild rice. The puffed rice has great texture. Natalie: halibut ceviche with pickled red bell peppers, confit potatoes and laksa curry. Spanish ceviche mixed up with Vietnamese. Kevin is way behind, at least in Tom's opinion. Natalie wins, followed by Eddie and then Kevin.

Adrienne: hand cut fettuccine with snap peas, mortadella, arugula pesto, pea and mint puree. Her pasta is cooked but not firm, it sounds like because her flour/egg mix was off. Possibly because it was supposed to be tortellini. Nini: blackened catfish and Vietnamese cabbage salad with nuoc mam (fish sauce). Graham thinks the cabbage is the star. Brandon: roasted prime New York strip with smoked Gouda polenta, charred broccoli and chimichurri. It's complex but everything works. Tom doesn't think anything's “outstanding” but they're solid. Brandon's dish was solid but not inspiring. Winner is Nini (she's so excited, it's cute), Brandon is second, and Adrienne is third. Aww.

Michelle: carrot top tagliatelle with braised chicken, oranges, yogurt, sumac and berebere spice. Who is this person. They love her food, anyway. There is a really weird editing choice where the judges are all eating David's dish, with weird looks, while he just stands there. With everyone else, someone asks them to describe their dish. So why did they start eating without saying that to David? Luckily for him, Tom likes it. David: potato porcini soup with bok choy pesto, pickled morels and fried leeks. They can't get enough. Brian: spicy Thai country ribs with bourbon and mint. Graham's is a little undercooked, and Brian tries to blame the pink color on the brine, but the fat is not rendered. Graham knows what he's about. Brian goes back to his station saying Graham was an asshole about the pork. David wins, then Michelle, and Brian. Clearly.

Justin: coconut shrimp and grits with pink peppercorns and spiced, candied orange zest. The coconut is not too sweet. Sara: Ale 8 and bourbon braised pork belly, BBQ spiced carrots, and pickled pecans. Ale 8 is a local soda that is ginger and citrus. This is also good, although Tom seems to be disappointed that she didn't play up the pickled nuts more because they're uncommon? Shut up, Tom. Pablo: tilapia crudo with green apple vinaigrette, sweet potato bourbon puree, togarashi chips. Togarashi is a Japanese spice blend. You can't define “succotash” and then quit, Bravo. Sara's dish is well done, but Tom just doesn't like it that much. Pablo wins, then Justin, then Sara.

Judges' Table. We're still on that thing where everyone has to stand around during judging, even if you're safe. Tom and Graham gush about how great the dishes were and how this season will be so great and blah blah. The top are Kelsey, Pablo, Natalie, Nini, and David. But only Natalie, Pablo, and David are going to be talked about right now. Pablo's vinaigrette was really flavorful. He was also really articulate about his food, which won people over. Natalie went for a cold dish because she knew she could pull it off. It all came together. David made a soup with a ton of umami and the soup changed with every bite. He admits he was going to make gnocchi but didn't have flour, and Tom is like, do you really need flour to make gnocchi? Burn. The winner is Natalie. She then admits her ex was a driving force to apply to Top Chef, so she's going to declare she wins the breakup. Heh.

Bottom three are Kevin, Caitlin, and Adrienne. Kevin knows he could have cut the beets differently, for more crunch and more acid that they wanted. They've all seen beets and arugula and ricotta before, and it wasn't perfect. Then Kevin admits he just wanted to get his feet on the ground, which makes him look like he was coasting. But even so Caitlin's ricotta was worse. Her biscuits soaked up too much juice and it wasn't going to work at that point. Adrienne admits she was going to make tortellini and ran out of time, which is why her pasta wasn't as good as it could be.

This Stew Room is nice. There's a fridge and counters and cabinets! Caitlin should have known she couldn't put the biscuits on her cobbler the day before. Plus the tomatoes didn't cook down enough. Adrienne's pasta was overdressed and just didn't work. Kevin didn't make a mistake, necessarily, he just really played it safe. And you know the judges will take offense to that.

Everyone has a little clip about how they don't want to go home, but none of them are that interesting. Tom makes a long metaphor about horse racing. Caitlin is sent home. Aww. It was a good idea, but she couldn't execute it. But, Last Chance Kitchen. She's upset, but trying desperately to stay positive about it.

Next week: bourbon time, teams, so drama. As ever.

Last Chance Kitchen: Caitlin is not mad at the judges or anything, but she did not rearrange her life to be the first one out. She also knows she's up against a veteran. Brother Luck rolls in, and you guys know that I'm going to call him Brother Luck this whole time. He won a lot of LCKs. Jim takes a minute to come in because he tries to push the barn door like a regular door and almost breaks it. Jim was a good chef, just eliminated during one of those dumb sudden death Quickfires. Carrie comes in and Caitlin looks like she might barf. Carrie says when Top Chef asks, you show up. Jim is a Top Chef super fan. Sure. “I am going to make well seasoned, well executed food.” He's studied. Brother Luck is ready to go.

Caitlin describes how her biscuits were soggy. Tom is like, well obviously, everyone likes crispy biscuits. Except for biscuits and gravy. Fair. I still don't want them to be soggy though. They should stand up to the gravy and not melt down into mush. Tom admits his Yankee/Italian roots and ignorance.

40 minutes. Jim knows that there are high expectations on him, because it's a Southern dish and he's a Southerner. Caitlin makes the same biscuits she made for the Elimination challenge, and she is in a hurry. Brother Luck is going to make a Southwestern take on sausage. Carrie makes drop biscuits so she can make them smaller so they cook faster. Jim says drop biscuits don't have a nice flake. His biscuits are in a cast iron skillet in the oven.

Tom Time. Jim is making fish gravy? Also his biscuits have a ton of butter and mascarpone and shortening. Brother Luck is making chorizo cheddar fondue instead of gravy, with just buttermilk biscuits. He says he's had a great time after the show, working with at-risk youth, and then he just runs away. Hee. Caitlin also tries to run away, but Tom catches her. She's making reduced tomatoes, and then also corn gravy and bacon-fried eggs. Tom likes strong flavors. Carrie has chive and Gruyere drop biscuits and then Mornay sauce and eggs. So breakfast.

Jim's biscuits aren't anywhere close to being done, so he pulls them from the oven and puts them in the deep fryer. Carrie's biscuits are either not done, or flat. So she's crumbling the flat ones because at least they're cooked. Brother Luck is happy with what he's got. Caitlin's biscuits aren't done enough either, but she has no choice. So much frantic plating.

Carrie: broken biscuit with soft scrambled eggs and Mornay sauce. She explains away her flat biscuits with how she's not used to cooking at lower altitudes. Jim: fried buttermilk biscuit with cod fish gravy. It looks like chowder with big croutons on top. He's proud of them. Brother Luck: buttermilk biscuit and chorizo cheddar fondue. Caitlin: biscuit and corn, jalapeno gravy with harissa roasted tomatoes and sunny side up egg. She admits the biscuits are lighter than she would like. I would eat any of these.

The winner is Carrie. The drop biscuit was crispy, and the scrambled eggs were really well done. Brother Luck is also safe. He's fine because it's a marathon. Jim ran out of time on his biscuits, but the frying worked. But the fish was ragged and sloppy. Caitlin's egg was perfect, but her biscuit was raw. Jim is in, which means Caitlin is out. Aww. She's going to miss out on learning from everyone, and she's about to cry. I want to give her a hug. Jim is very relieved.