Thursday, July 18, 2013

Project Runway 7/18/13--"Sky's the Limit" summary

Previously on Project Runway: There was a fairly terrible “teams” season that was just an excuse to have as much drama as possible. Michelle won, which made some people upset because she was kind of a bitch. But her clothes were the best. Also this show was on way too much and I got sick of it and I think many other people did too. Then there was an absolutely horrific print ad for this season with poor Tim Gunn in tight pants and eyeliner. Heidi dressed like Marie Antoinette on a scissor throne with a needle scepter? That’s campy, I can get behind that. Naked models worshipping at her feet? Well…we all know naked women don’t really appeal to the demographic for this show but they put men in this time, so it’s better I guess. Tim Gunn with another needle scepter and tight pants looking terrified like he only just barely talked them out of being shirtless with a black leather vest? That’s just wrong. (click for more)

“Road to the Runway” happened and it’s the same as it always is. People are crazy. People have tragic backstories. At least one person says they won’t be afraid to start fights. Wait, is it only season 12? Doesn’t it feel like so much longer than that? Ugh. Also one All-Star? Unfinished Business? Something. I remember there was voting but I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to actually vote. There’s a guy who is deaf, which I think maybe is not as much of a handicap as it might be in other shows. Also I don’t need subtitles for him, thanks Lifetime. Also not everyone has a super tragic backstory so that’s good? I guess? Still skeptical. I mean…still have our share of drama.

We start at some random airfield with an old biplane. I’m pretty sure, the recording cut off the beginning. Some of the designers get interview clips but no names for whatever reason. Lots of posturing. Oh, not a biplane, but a little Cessna with a propeller. Heidi and Tim greet everyone and make runway puns. Tim claims this is an incredibly talented group, but not “the most talented”. They reveal the returning designer is Kate from last season, who lands in a puddle jumper. Some girl says Kate is a bitch and they’re going to clash. Everyone’s mad she gets a second chance. Who cares? No one cares. Tim introduces Justin LeBlanc’s interpreter, because Justin is the one who is deaf. The prize package is now worth over $500,000. Lame “sky’s the limit” pun and then some skydivers. And one idiot who thinks they are army figures. Sadly for everyone who hoped the designers would have to skydive, no dice. These are pros so no one eats it or crashes into a plane, which would have been fantastic. The first challenge is: make something out of parachutes. Nice. Helen Castillo (the one who said Kate is a bitch) complains that she can’t make anything nice out of a parachute. Hey, it’s actual fabric. So that’s something.

Everyone has to run and fight over the parachutes on the ground to get the colors they want. Kate eats it and then crawls to her chosen parachute which is funny to me.

In the vans we get some interviews and more introductions. Angela Bacskocky says she wanted to be a rock star, and she would dress up, but somewhere along the way she realized she liked the dressing up part more than the music part. Karen Batts is in Justin’s van and she talks about how awesome it is that he’s deaf. That sounds weird but she’s sincere about it. To their credit his van is asking him about if they should face him and whatever. He has a cochlear implant, but depending on when he got it, he might be more comfortable reading lips or using the interpreter. Alexandria von Bromssen used to be a model.

Oh, are they back at Parsons? Yay! Bradon McDonald used to be a dancer but quit because, in his words, “I’m old”. Miranda Levy is former military. Timothy Westbrook apparently knows Miranda from Milwaukee. Tim appears to welcome everyone. Belk is now the accessory wall. HP’s still around though. Then there is another new twist that I hadn’t heard of and I’m not sure I like: each designer will manage their spending for the whole season. Some other sponsor is dealing with that. Everyone gets a debit card to shop with. So…do they get one lump sum that has to last all season? Or what? I need more info, Tim. They’re not going to Mood today because they are supposed to use the parachute. They have until 11pm (a shot of the clock shows that it is currently 3:45pm)…and all day tomorrow! Hmm, suspicious.

Kate asks the room who was excited to see her wipe out. Helen says, and I quote, “I’m usually not scared of bitches but I’m scared of you”. I don’t remember Kate being such a huge bitch that she deserves this nastiness from someone who has filed their fingernails into points. Alexander Pope is a costume designer. I hope he does some crazy shit. Kahindo Mateene says the parachute fabric is slippery and also sheer. Angela wants to make a trench coat, which sounds like a good idea. Bradon just wants to mess around with the fabric instead of sketching. Sandro Masmanidi says some jerk thing. I like Russian accents, but he seems like he’ll be really obnoxious. He says he has some good potential, and then asks the producers if that’s humble. He’ll be entertaining. Kate’s being nice about telling people stuff like how long runway days are, and yes you do have some time those days to sew, and whatever. Dom Streater says Kate is nicer than she thought but that is also a strategy.

Jeremy Brandrick is British. I’m giving him his intro because he gets to remind us of the challenge after the commercials. Timothy recites his aesthetic as “a sustainability-focused fiber artist”. Then he says “we have to protect the forest to keep unicorns alive.” What? He makes things out of the ribbon in cassette tapes, which ends up looking like sequins and is cool. Oh, honey, the unicorn thing is ruining it. He’s got some origami or something happening. Justin says if the other designers get on his nerves he’ll just turn off his implant. Hee. Ken Laurence taught himself because he couldn’t afford school. He is the one with the bowtie tattoo. Sue Waller is making a million pleats. Her hair is curly and blonde and I can’t tell if she has curly hair or dreadlocks.

Back at Parsons but in a hotel and not Atlas. Wait, does that mean no early morning coffee and breakfast and lounging on chairs to shittalk everyone else? LAME.

Day two. Bradon is pretending to know what is going on. Jeremy is married and has two kids and they and his husband are super adorable. Sue is the person who can’t use the sewing machines. There’s always one. Dom says this is ballsy, since she can’t use it. Timothy doesn’t use electricity, of course, because he is too special or unicorns or something. There ARE sustainable sources of electricity, Timothy. He’s going to bug me.

At lunch (dinner? Who knows) someone says they think they’ll win, and Sandro gets on his high horse about how you should be humble and everyone is going to stay away from you if you talk about how you’re going to win. Alexandria is looking around the table like “…the fuck did this guy come from?” No one else reacted to what was a fairly mild instance of bragging. They’re more likely to stay away from you because you’re being a jerk, Sandro, but that’s fine, every season needs a villain. Our season’s villain, everyone. Timothy goes outside and holds a lighter to his fabric. Not sustainable, unicorn boy.

Tim Time! Everyone is super quiet when he walks in. He loves Alexandria’s layering and colorblocking. Kate has a super girly dress. Bradon has a long train which might work. Tim says “James Bond-ish”. Timothy’s burning actually looks cool. I guess. He says it’s a conceptual performance piece that involves bondage. OK, I’ve almost swung back around into liking him because he is crazy. Like, Angela and Jubilee Jumbles crazy. Vincent and his hats crazy. Miranda has made a pencil skirt out of the “supplementary” fabric, and when Tim says she should make it out of the parachute, she says she would but it’s hard to work with. That’s the point, dear. Helen basically did the same thing, which was to make a mostly white dress with colored accents. When Tim calls her on it, she says she’s stubborn and this is how it’s going to be because that’s what she wants. Sigh. Kahindo’s pleating is messy. Angela was going to make pants but maybe will just make a coat. Tim tells her to make sure she makes something the fabric wants to be? Sure. Sue has a long story about how she adapted to her crappy pleating, or maybe it was crappy because she can’t use the machines? Somehow she’s making her mistake work for her. Sandro is possibly making a retro swimsuit. Currently he only has the bottom.

Model fittings. Timothy tells his model how to move and to act like the Virgin Mary and sniffing her armpit. I cannot roll my eyes hard enough. Maybe he could just be crazy but I don’t have to listen to it? And then the second day ends and there was no twist or second garment or anything! What is happening to my predictable world?!

Runway day. Tim doesn’t say how long they have to work. Angela’s coat is more like a poncho. Timothy is still telling his model how to walk or something and she looks irritated. Tim appears and looks concerned and tells him he won’t get any extra time for his grand performance. Timothy promises he understands, and then his poor model tries valiantly to suggest she just walk, but he refuses. Hello hot makeup guy Scott. I have missed you. And your glasses. Timothy appears and says the hair guys cannot use anything that is plugged in or any product on his model. What? There’s a shot of her wiping something out of her eye which is possibly a tear. Only bobby pins and braiding. Also no makeup. Scott stares at him, and then says to his model that it’s so lucky she’s so beautiful anyway. She is totally crying now. She actually gets an interview about how it’s not fair she doesn’t get hair and makeup and everyone else does. Miranda still has a black skirt. Sandro’s swimsuit bottoms are so short the producers have a black bar over her crotch. Wow. That’s pretty bad. Ken says the “good china” is hanging out. Yay, previous season reference!

Heidi lists the prizes for this season, which include a year’s supply of water and a spa trip, a car, HP stuff, the Marie Claire spread, fabric, etc. Not sure about the water, but whatever. You may have heard Michael Kors has decided not to show up to this season either. Zac’s OK, I guess. Nina looks excited to destroy some dreams. Guest judge is Kate Bosworth. And also, Tim. He is not a judge, but he has “The Tim Gunn Rescue”, which is one save he has to save someone the judges have eliminated. And all season is blind judging? So how is anyone going to talk about their looks if the judges aren’t supposed to know who made which outfit? And doesn’t Tim know? Why is this show suddenly so damn complicated? Maybe just the runway show is blind.

Sue: long pink gown, sleeveless, with a high neckline and some shirring down the front. It’s fine. The back looks kind of dumpy. Bradon: a close-fitting aqua sheath, miniskirt, with an overskirt in all the different stripes that flows down into a train. It moves really well. I think he took some of the cords and dyed them, because there is a design of vertical white and blue lines on the bodice and hanging off the front of the dress. Jeremy: white top with boxy shoulders and short sleeves. Then tight pants with zippers hanging off everywhere, purple down to her knee and then teal from her knee to the floor. The back of the blouse is draped like a cowl. Kahindo: tight purple tank top, smooth, and a vertically pleated skirt in purple and pink. The skirt is short and the hem is ragged. It looks overworked but I think her idea is solid. Sandro: the top is dark turquoise with a deep V, and giant puffy purple ruffles on her shoulders. There are also bunches of the cords hanging off like moss on a tree. The bottoms are high-waisted and full cut granny panties, but I think they are supposed to lace up the front? Either way, his poor model is holding the cords in front of her crotch so she doesn’t flash everyone. Everyone is horrified. Helen: there’s a lot of white, with blue and green panels. It’s a typical sleeveless dress with a V-neck, but there is a ton of gathering in the skirt and it looks wrinkled. And not in a good way. Alexandria: short sheath dress with a zipper up the front. It’s in sort of a blue gray color, with black shoulders. It’s unzipped fairly low but the opening is narrow and crossed by horizontal black bands in the opening. Actually when she turns around it’s clear the weird color is from her layering a blue over hot pink. And there are pockets in the front. Karen: V-neck dress that ends below the knee, sleeveless, with straps in the black and then panels of blue and green. The panels are outlined in black diagonal lines, all the way down the front. It fits horribly and is shapeless. And the lines don’t line up.

Timothy: just a short dress with a full skirt, or at least weird panels that stick out like flaps. It looks dirty. I know he was burning things and whatever, but it’s all off-white and yellow and it looks dingy. His model poses at the end of the runway but doesn’t do the dancing, “I am being pulled by unseen forces” bullshit he was practicing with her. So he’s mad but I’m pleased. Justin: hot pink dress with a full skirt, a black belt, and some gray and black narrow strips around the neck and down the front. It’s very cute. Kate: the dress is mostly yellow, with a high neck and no sleeves. There is a yellow circular piece over most of the bodice, with little poofy things at her shoulder. The skirt is very full, but the back looks wonky. You know what the bodice makes me think of? Instantly I thought of this. Right? It’s the same big circle over the front. Angela: short blue dress with a hood, lined in pink. There’s an inverted box pleat in the back that shows off more pink. I know that it’s supposed to be a coat, but it is so light and shapeless. And short. Alexander: short dress with a diamond pattern. There is a white diamond over her stomach, which is outlined in black, then teal, then purple at the hem and shoulders. For some reason he has to deal with static because her front hem is sticking to her legs and riding up. The top has a mock turtleneck and the shoulders look like the dress sticks up in a vertical ridge. Dom: high waisted pink skirt with diagonal stripes in lighter pinks, and a white boatneck top. There is also a black jacket with zippers and a teal stripe down the arm. It’s kind of boring but certainly better than some of this stuff. Ken: orange sheath dress with giant ruffles at the top. It’s like he took two lines of big ruffles and ran them along the top of the dress and then around her neck like a halter top. So her whole neck is covered. At least they stand up and aren’t limp and floppy. It’s kind of cute. Miranda: black pencil skirt with a pink stripe at the bottom, then a little bit of exposed midriff, then a crop top in orange with pink cap sleeves. There is still a lot of black in the top, and it’s cut in a pretty low V.

Finally! That first runway is always exhausting. So I guess the “blind judging” is that when they pick top three and bottom three they don’t know who made what. Angela, Sue, Miranda, Bradon, Sandro, and Timothy are called forward. Everyone else is safe. Justin should have been in the top, I think. Kate is kind of disappointed to just be safe. Timothy is up first. This should be good. He has a very long story about WWII and Hiroshima and Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes and this man is currently wearing jeans rolled and cuffed and six inch strappy stiletto heels. While his model is barefoot with no makeup. Zac calls him on it. The top looks droopy. Zac says “Tinkerbell at Burning Man” which is pretty good. Heidi asks why no makeup and he starts his story about whatever, thankfully leaving out unicorns. Nina says he has a good cause, so he has to work even harder to be a good example, I guess. Zac also calls him on burning synthetic fibers and how that is not sustainable. Timothy just nods because Zac is right. Sue’s ombre effect is beautiful and they like the top. The back is shorter than the front, because I think it just ended up that way so she worked with it. Miranda talks about skydiving. There is a weird graphic about voting or like, people’s approval of Nina like that matters or she cares at all. Miranda admits her dress is mostly not a parachute. Nina likes it anyway. It’s very polished, but Heidi is mad it’s not a parachute. Zac tries to get us to fear Heidi.

Angela wanted her coat to be full, like a parachute. Heidi immediately knew it should have a bottom. The proportions are really off so it looks like a poncho and not a coat. The colors are great, though. Bradon talks about air and fabric molding itself to your front. Heidi thinks it looks expensive. It moves beautifully. They all love it and how dramatic it is. Sandro is talking about people jumping from airplanes and stuff. Zac says “slutty cat toy”. Also the back is a racerback, with purple straps held together with chains? Once the stupid jacket thing is off, it’s a nice retro swimsuit. You know, except for the fact that she still has a black bar over her crotch which is horrifying. Even Wendy Pepper’s candy bikini didn’t have to be blurred. There is too much going on, and for a very long time no one says anything about her crotch, except Heidi says something about taste level. Where is Kors to say the crotch is insane?! Sigh.

Tim comes out with all the models again, and all the judges get to handle the garments and stuff. Tim says he was worried about Sue yesterday. They figure out Angela’s coat has a weird seam that is causing the problem. They like the detailing of Sandro’s bottoms but spare the model a discussion of her crotch. Nina says sustainable fabric should be gorgeous. If Miranda wasn’t showing midriff they’d like it better. Tim says the teacher in him would give her an F because she didn’t follow directions. Plus he told her that.

Sandro has poor taste, but he has some construction skills. So many things going on though. Angela made a smock. Zac is offended (to be honest, I am also) that Timothy’s model was barefoot to make his “statement” but then Timothy himself was wearing glittery high heels. Exactly. Sue’s dress is impressive and had a lot of technique. Bradon had a ton of drama and all his ideas worked. Miranda had been in the top but she didn’t follow the rules. Heidi is the one person arguing to get rid of her because it sends a message that you don’t have to follow the rules. We all know you don’t have to follow the rules. Whatever. If I get all agitated now about the judges I’ll never make it through the season.

Heidi brings everyone out and tells Miranda she is no longer in the top because she didn’t follow directions. Bradon is the winner and has immunity. Yay. He says his confidence has risen a little bit. Sue is in. Miranda gets a stern warning to follow directions and is also in. Sandro is in. Eyeroll. Timothy is in. Clearly, because they want to have him around to make fun of some more. He gets back to the Scrap Bin and says he’s taking off the heels. If they are painful you could maybe NOT WEAR THEM. That’s why I don’t wear heels that high. Someone asks what he’s going to do with them and Timothy says something about unicorns. Poor Angela, losing to unicorn boy. Tim comes into some hallway to talk to directly to the camera and say this is where he’d use the rescue, but it’s too early to use it. Kind of like in “Amazing Race” when you get to the U-Turn and have to face the camera and declare you don’t want to U-Turn anyone. Angela seems pretty OK.

This season: a huge amount of expensive jewelry, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, shoes, carnival rides, Tim waking everyone up with a whistle, camping, a lot of stupid yelling, Sandro walks out of production and hits a camera. That should be fantastic. Various guest judges. Some teams. Tim saves someone.


Teresa said...

-- Back at Parsons but in a hotel and not Atlas. Wait, does that mean no early morning coffee and breakfast and lounging on chairs to shittalk everyone else? LAME. --

Guess they had to cut something to accommodate the extra time on the runway, examining the garments and whatnot.

Anonymous said...

"Nina looks excited to destroy some dreams."

Best. Line. Ever.

I am so happy you are back. Great review of the show. I think this season will be a good one.


MoHub said...

Not only did Wendy Pepper's candy bikini not require the Floating Black Rectangle of Death, neither did Zulema's ass-baring cutoff sweater in season 2 or Emilio's string-and-washers bikini in season 7. Sandro is the first to go so far over the line as to require censorship.

And I have to wonder whether Anne Slowey would rethink her "too much tootie" comment about Emmett McCarthy's ice-skating costume if she were to see this atrocity.