Project Runway 4/4/13--"Finally on My Own" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the designers were supposed to make one “art” look and one “ready to wear” look. Stanley and Michelle worked really well together and Stanley won. Patricia felt that Richard was pretty worthless, and Layana went on a similar diatribe about Daniel. Layana was particularly obnoxious, because the judges really liked Daniel’s look, and Layana was upset that Daniel didn’t give her all of the credit since she OBVIOUSLY bailed him out. Ugh, she fake cried and everything. But Richard tried to make something that wasn’t jersey and he failed, so he was sent home. (click for more)

Tim tells everyone in the Scrap Bin they have to be out on the runway in 10 minutes to talk to Heidi. This is what they usually do, they just like to pretend it’s the next day when they talk to Heidi and get the challenge. I’m not sure why they’re doing it this way, but whatever. Layana is proud of herself, and I’m sure that is a shock for you. Tim and Heidi tell everyone they are all designing on their own. I thought this was ALL TEAMS ALL THE TIME. So in order to keep from looking like they can’t even keep track of the name of the show, the producers decided the final five will have “helpers”. Ugh, you know that means eliminated contestants. Tim says something about management skills. It’s field trip time! Well, it will be field trip time tomorrow.

The field trip is to a very shiny glass building with a very long escalator and also Nina Garcia. Nina tells the designers to make “a fashion-forward editorial look” for “a celebrity fashion story” that will be in Marie Claire. The winner’s design will be photographed and worn by Jordana Brewster. Nina says no red carpet looks, no gowns, and no T-shirt and pants outfits. They even number these things (as well as “needs to be editorial”) so you know someone will forget one or more of them. Bold in shape, print, silhouette, something. Tim says they are designing what’s next, not what’s now. Hmm. They have one day. Of course, but they are supposed to be getting help. Heh, they also number “Do not bore Nina Garcia!” and “Do not embarrass Nina Garcia!”

Stanley draws super wide pants and a fitted leather jacket. Layana is somehow making blue leather cut-out triangles and gold chains. Patricia is making two pieces, because even though she always seems to be out of time, she is depending on her helper. Daniel is making a jacket with pointy shoulders and shorts. I am not shocked. Michelle trash talks everyone. She’s also making super wide pants.

The sewing assistants are eliminated contestants, because of course. Everyone except Stanley says they do not want to work with Richard. But Stanley gets to pick first, and he picks Tu. Nice. Michelle dances because she gets picked next and she can pick Amanda and not be stuck with Richard. Daniel and Samantha, Layana and Kate, and Patricia and Richard. Someone rigged that. She can’t even pretend to be happy or at least neutral. Tim tells everyone they have helpers so they can be more ambitious. Then he flat out tells Patricia and Richard to kiss and make up. Ouch.

Everyone describes their looks to their helpers. Patricia appears to be dumbing down things for Richard. To be fair, he got eliminated like, yesterday, so it’s not so great for him either. Tu is making Stanley’s jacket. Stanley is even telling him how to pin things. Daniel convinces himself Samantha is perfectly happy making his clothes. She’s determined to do a good job. Layana brags about how cutting up chain hurts her hands but she’s going to power through because she’s so awesome. Patricia is completely rethinking her outfit, because she doesn’t trust Richard to sew anything. Stanley is micromanaging and is kind of a jerk about it. It’s hilarious to watch Michelle talk about how Stanley is mean to people.

Tim time! Michelle’s shirt is sheer, so she’s making a black bra and is nervous because she’s never made undergarments. Generally everyone has interview pieces during Tim time about how much everyone else sucks, and I usually ignore them, but Stanley points out here that Michelle is making a T-shirt and pants, which is what Nina said not to do. Daniel’s jacket is bright yellow and has big pointy shoulders. He’s made the whole thing in linen and it’s very wrinkled. Stanley says how Tu is his pal and hugs him and they cut in a bunch of shots of everyone else looking irritated. He has a bunch of pieces, but Tim is impressed by all of it. Layana has decided to make a work of art. Only one challenge late. Tim is fine with it. Patricia flat out tells Tim (while Richard is there) that based on the last challenge, she had to make her design simpler and less technical. She doesn’t have time for art anymore. She has time for a cape though. Sigh. There’s a bright blue fabric that Tim hates, and Patricia is explaining about how she needs another opaque, and she left some fabric somewhere, and blah blah blah, and Tim grabs a whole big pile of gray fabric she has sitting right in front of her on the bench. Come on, Patricia. Seriously.

Richard complains that Patricia is using weird terminology and it’s not clear what she wants. I can’t tell if he has no idea what’s going on and he should, or if she’s purposely talking over his head. It’s edited to seem like Richard just sucks at sewing, but I think Patricia is also really condescending about it and is insisting on using vocabulary when she knows Richard has no idea what she’s talking about. Lots of freaking out, especially from Stanley. Michelle suddenly realizes she’s made a T-shirt and pants and it might not be enough. Model fittings. The models make fun of Daniel. Patricia changes her design again. She cries because she thinks she’s going home and is pretty much blaming having to work with Richard. Because she doesn’t know how to work with him. Tough.

Day of the show. Everyone says dumb stuff that enrages me. Stanley curses and tells Tu he’s ruined something or whatever. Hot makeup guy Scott. Samantha and Daniel are done, and Daniel tells her she should offer to help Patricia and be there for Richard. It’s kind of sad to see how much Patricia lights up when Samantha offers to help.

Zac is finally here again, and the guest judge is Jordana Brewster. Michelle: wide dark yellow-green pants, that look like they’re gathered at the ankle. The top is asymmetrical, with a black sequined band around her waist and sheer white across the top. There’s also a band of beige across her waist. It all looks weird, but I guess for an editorial weird isn’t automatically bad. Daniel: bright yellow sleeveless jacket with giant shoulder wings, and hot pants. The wings are really big, it’s weird. Stanley: brown leather jacket with ¾ length sleeves, and a white top underneath. The jacket is open but you can tell it’s fitted. The pants are so wide it looks like a full skirt, and they’re tea length. There is a little black and white print on the bodice. I like it. It looks cool. Patricia: SIGH. It’s an asymmetrical dress, one shouldered, in a gray-blue. Underneath the blue is a beige kind of color. Then there are strips of leather or something pinned to the front with cut sides so they looks like fringe? Or feathers? Something. And the model has very long strips of leather tied to her wrist that pretty much drag on the ground. It’s ridiculous and it also doesn’t look like it fits at all and the hem is jacked up. Layana: dark blue top made of leather panels stitched together, in triangles. The skirt is light gray with pleats or vertical ruffles or something. The skirt is just fine, and the top is interesting.

Patricia talks about spring or whatever, and the leather really looks bad up close. Nina says this would not work for Jordana and is unflattering. Zac tells her it’s clearly not finished, and it’s too loose. Heidi for some reason tries to defend her and says maybe it could be improved with styling or something. Heidi, it is bad. Shush. Then Heidi asks how it was working with Richard, and Patricia throws him under the bus even though he’s not there. She basically tells them she got stuck with him and he’s a moron, and now I’m sure they’ll use that as an excuse to let that crap through to the next episode. I hate this show. Nina tells Stanley the pants are fabulous and the look is highly editorial. And it looks expensive. They all really like it. Daniel’s shoulder treatment is too gimmicky. Zac hates on the fact that you can see the hook-and-eye closures and that there is a triangle of skin at her stomach. Nina admits that his outfit would probably make it into the rack of clothes they would have at the photo shoot, but then it’s too Easter-y and it would probably stay on the rack. They show a close-up of Layana’s skirt, and you can see the hem is uneven. Zac loves the top. Everyone loves the top but they say nothing bout the skirt, which is stupid because the skirt is terrible. Are you blind? GAH. Nina tells Michelle her look is maybe not strong enough, and reminds her she was not supposed to make a T-shirt and pants. It’s very well made, but it’s not special enough. Really? Patricia’s dress looks like shit, and you’re going to nail Michelle for not being exciting enough? Why is Patricia’s crazy bullshit more worthy of screen time?

Everyone talks about how great Layana’s top is but they don’t say one single word about her skirt with the jacked-up hem. Not one word, and that is bullshit too. Stanley’s outfit is well made and it has a lot of pieces so they can mess around with it. Daniel can sew, but he maybe doesn’t have the taste level they want. Nina does think that she would really consider the outfit. Michelle went too simple, and they know she can do more because she did last week. The judges pretend to be offended that she played it safe. Whatever. They also talk about how they would hate to shoot down someone who makes good clothing, except they do it all the damn time. Nina tries to defend Patricia’s “originality”, which I think is crazy. At least Nina admits it’s ugly. Heidi talks about Patricia’s genius. Uh huh.

Stanley is the winner! Good, that means Layana didn’t win. She’s in though. Daniel is in. Goddammit. I can see where this is going. Patricia is in. OF COURSE. Total bullshit. Her clothes are terrible and they are poorly made. She goes back to the Scrap Bin and we have to watch her sobbing about whatever. I don’t care. Michelle did a better job, even though she always trash talks everyone. Heidi tells Michelle that she is “getting a do or die moment”. Huh? She’s getting another shot? Are you fucking kidding me? Just send her home. This happens every time, you have your finalists all picked out, and then one of them screws the pooch and sends out something horrible, and there is no way you can justify keeping them. Not even with the ridiculous judging decisions you always make. So you pretend to have a change of heart and you let everyone pass through, just so you can make up some reason to get rid of them later. Heidi won’t even tell Michelle what is going on, she just kicks her out. Total bullshit. They knew that Patricia really fucked up, and even with their usual stupid decisions, not sending her home would be too stupid. So they pull this stunt. Plus it makes the season longer.

Next week: this show has the budget to send 5 designers to 5 different European countries. Are you fucking serious?