Project Runway All-Stars!

It’s time for All Stars! Which is two hours! Which is probably 30 minutes too long! Actually I’m pretty excited, but after two hours of this, and one hour of the regular show, and half an hour of the model show, probably I will be sick of Project Runway by this weekend. (click for more)

There’s some previews. They are misleading and random, I am sure. I’ll wait for the real start of the show. First up is Jeffrey, who is now sporting a 70’s style long mustache. He feels his defining moment, aside from winning, is making Angela’s mom cry. He’s been showing, etc., and joined a band. Well. I guess that’s something. Danny V! Yay! He looks exactly the same except he has a slightly butcher haircut. Still terribly cute. (Kmanpat: *nods vigorously*) He’s got a book and claims to be a very hard worker. He knows Jeffrey, somehow. At least they greet each other with a hug. Korto! She is so fab! I think she has one of her dresses on. Most of her interview, at least at first, is about how she should have won. She’s branched out into jewelry and handbags, which are fab also. I think I will root for Korto. Uli’s accent is the same. She says she’s more fashion forward than she was. She’s making money. Chris March comes in next. Hee. Jeffrey will eat him alive. He also starts talking about how he was cheated out of a finale spot. I wonder if that’s why they asked some people back. He’s making costumes for Beyonce. Really? Kick ass. Danny V looks worried. And then Mychael Knight comes strolling up to the apartments in a suit, looking so so grown up. And in his interview he has a square haircut and square glasses like Malcolm X or something. He looks so much older! He looks like money. Jeffrey is a jerk and interviews that Mychael isn’t an All Star. Sweet P is next, and she says she doesn’t feel like she’s changed since the show. She wants to make clothes for real women. There’s some vague drama about who is going to beat who. Then Danny V is all, there’s one more bed, I wonder who it will be. Oh, it’s Santino, of course. Sigh. He says he’s a breakout star and he didn’t win but you wouldn’t know that. Uh huh. He also claims that people stop him on the street, and he made the show. I notice there is no mention of “RuPaul’s Drag Race”. Danny V is not excited to see him. Chris says he’s “like a tornado wearing a hat”. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Everyone gets a note to go party on the roof. Everyone is excited, glad to be here, whatever. Tim is proud. Heidi is pregnant again. Just like old times! Everyone is really cocky. Jeffrey gives us the “I’m not here to make friends” line and claims everyone in his season was friends until he won. I mean…probably, but aren’t we smug?

Tim and Heidi stop the party to tell them that their challenge is to make a mini collection of 3 looks. Winner gets $100,000. They don’t get a time limit, or at least, they aren’t told what it is.

Everyone wakes up early and did they sleep in their clothes? I think Santino did. Unknown. They’ve got a nice studio, no Parsons for All Stars. Their names are painted on the wall. It’s pretty swank. Tim arrives to show them the Halston accessory wall, and to tell them that one of their 3 looks has to be a red carpet look. I missed Tim and his posh voice. He leaves them an hour to sketch. Chris doesn’t sketch much. Then he dozes off. Hee!

They have 45 minutes, and as Tim is telling them that, Jeffrey and Santino try to cheat and start early. Lots of running. Uli has no prints, and Tim calls after her “but you’re the master of the print!” Tim yells at people and says that they should be able to do this in less time. Sweet P tries to buy some leather, but Uli wants some too, and somehow they ring up all of them for Sweet P? I think she is getting slightly less than she wanted but Uli will be fine. Tim sends them back and then gives them until midnight and carefully tells them that at midnight they’ll be going back to the apartments.

Sweet P and Uli compare fabrics; apparently they are really similar. Santino has purchased plastic? I don’t know. He’s making a ton of noise and someone shushes him. He tries to do his Tim Gunn impression but is distracted by his own cleverness and the fact that “Tim Gunn’s Cold Black Heart” would be an awesome band name. Oo, it would be. Chris says the television does not properly convey how loud the man is. Montage of Santino being an ass and bothering everyone. I read in an interview that Tim hated dealing with him. Tim Gunn doesn’t like you. That is sad. Santino says something to Mychael, who tells him to “shut up, cut your shit, sew your shit, and go home.” Santino thinks it’s great that he’s bigger than people who tell him to shut up. I wouldn’t mess with Mychael. He continues to make fun of everyone.

In the morning everyone comes back in with 2 days left. Why can’t they just say “you have 3 days”? Santino has shiny tight pants in a putty. It sadly reminds me of that horrid jumpsuit he made for Kara. Chris points out that if you don’t have an outfit done, you’ll have to double up today. It’s very quiet, Korto says no one is commenting on anyone. Mychael tears something.

Tim time! But first they make him open the door, which is ridiculously huge. He can barely get it open and he hangs on it. Hee. He makes them go out into the lounge, where now there is a TV. Everyone is frightened. He turns on the TV, and Nicole Kidman comes on, which…holy crap. Even Santino kind of freaks out. She starts talking about her new movie, and says their challenge is to design for that premiere. That’s what the red carpet look is for. Kick ass!

Now is really Tim time. Uli has a short fitted dress with a ruffle. Not Uli at all, but I really like it. So does Tim. He has no comment for Korto. Santino thinks this is where everyone will start noticing what everyone else is doing. He then claims to have the best taste level in the room. Right. Sweet P has a lot of ruffles, but Tim thinks it’s too matronly and ordinary. I just did the math in my head: there are 24 looks to talk about. UGH. Chris has a great piece in gray plaid that is really cool. Tim is excited. Hands on hips excited. Danny V says he doesn’t do “red carpet” look so he seems a bit lost. He’s glad that Tim says he was surprised. Jeffrey has a green and black sparkly fabric which seems nice. Tim complements his fabrics but not much else. Mychael picked his colors randomly, and he doesn’t seem to have anything else nailed down. I hope he gets it together.

Model casting time! Everybody talks about how important it is. Chris is still asleep. Like, snoring asleep. This time they will get backups. Nice. Sweet P and Uli fight over models and Chris takes a nap.

Santino breaks the needle on the surger. Fantastic. Jeffrey offers him tweezers but when Santino insults him he’s like, forget it then, I’m done with you. We can’t even laugh at how Santino insulted him because it’s bleeped. Jeffrey has needles but he’s not in any kind of hurry to help Santino fix anything. Excellent.

Day 3. Santino fixes the surger and frantic working commences. Models show up for fittings. Santino doesn’t have tops for some things. Sweet P and Uli don’t have any models at all, for a while. Finally one of Sweet P’s models comes, but Uli has absolutely no one who can come in, so she has to wing it. That is scary. She tries on her own clothes, to get some feel for things, and Chris says she should just model her own stuff. They won’t be in until tomorrow morning.

Tim calls out a “gather ‘round!” and claims he and Heidi have a nice surprise for them: a party. No one says a single word. I think they are freaking out. They have dinner reservations at a nice restaurant, and then he tells them they’ll have extra time in the morning, so there is some relief and cheers at last. Tim calls it an “enforced celebration” and pounds his hand with a fist. Korto is seriously annoyed. Jeffrey says he doesn’t want to go, even if Nicole Kidman is there, because he’ll eat dinner with her when he wins anyways. I must admit…I smell a rat.

At dinner everyone hangs out and actually relaxes, and then Tim comes in to offer them a toast, and then says it wouldn’t be “Project Runway” without a surprise. HA! I knew it! He says they will have an extra day to work…because they have an additional look. I laugh until I realize that means 32 dresses to talk about. Tim says he and Heidi are concerned that in their post-show lives, they’ve forgotten how to make clothes from random shit, like all the stuff in this restaurant. Everyone looks around frantically. They have 5 minutes to grab whatever they can. They DESTROY the place. Jeffrey is like, “It’s just fun to wreck stuff.” heh. Tim says 25% of this new look can have fabrics that they’ve already bought, so that the whole collection will go together. They wander off, leaving behind broken glasses and a giant mess.

In the morning it is now time to play with trash. Chris has some kind of fake pebbly leather dress or something. Uli hasn’t finished anything yet. She tells Sweet P she won’t help her win. Sweet P has all day to do just this last look. Jeffery says something about Santino’s dress, with sequins, implying they’re extra strong sequins for strippers. Santino worries for a nanosecond about his garment being “whorish” but then shrugs it off.

Hair and makeup consultations. Did you miss Collier Strong? I kind of did, or I would have missed him more if I ever got anything out of these consultations.

Tim time! He comes to look at people’s 4th looks, and Uli isn’t done. She actually hasn’t started. Nothing goes with her colors. Tim announces to everyone that they can’t blow off the trash garment, and tells Uli she’s made him break out in perspiration. Jeffrey jokes that his 4th look will be a bag full of fabric. Korto is using steel wool as accent. Daniel has some tubing, and when Tim asks what it is he picks it up with the tips of his fingers like it might contaminate him. Danny V says he found it in the back room, and Tim says “It looks like something you’d find in a back room.” Hee, Tim, you dirty old man! No wonder he was so iffy picking it up. He may be making a skirt from them, but I’m not sure. Mychael I think has plastic pieces, maybe from the chandelier. Tim has confidence in everyone! Someone will win a bunch of money! Project Runway Olympics! Don’t fuck it up! Oh, sorry, wrong show.

Korto is gluing beads that were in the vases on the table. She thinks everyone is watching her and hating on her stuff. Santino has fabric everywhere and he’s laying out stuff on the floor. He’s only done with one thing and Sweet P thinks he may not finish.

The day of the runway show is upon us. Everyone thinks they will win. Damn, it’s still dark outside. Is it the night before? I think it might be the night before. Yeah, that makes more sense. Most people have a ton of work to do.

OK so NOW it’s morning. The contestants are excited and stressed and mentally going over all the things they still need to finish. They get there and everyone goes to the workroom to work except Chris is napping on the couch. Tim goes to look at him and then throws up his hands in confusion. Then he leaves. Everyone will get an hour this morning. There is running and gluing. Santino I think has an entire look to sew together. Models start to show up and people are dressing everyone. One of Uli’s models is not coming. Wait, does she get to call someone? She’s had to use both her backups. Danny V is sweating like a pig. Santino thinks everything is coming together.

Our guest judge today is Diane von Furstenberg, who is fabulous as always. First up is Santino’s collection. The tight putty colored leggings have a black sequined top, one shouldered, that is almost tunic length. It’s got long strips of fabric at the shoulders so it almost looks like she‘s got long sleeves that are cut. Actually it’s not bad, but then she turns around and there’s long black fringe in an inverted V on her back. Eh. Then there is more of the shiny putty, but this time it’s a jumpsuit with a halter neck. Over one shoulder some fabric is draped to cover her shoulder and her upper arm. It’s tight and shiny and on anyone who was not a model it would look terrible. But at least there’s no fringe. Also the draped fabric comes down to her waist so her two boobs look different. To quote Tom and Lorenzo from Project Rungay, she has a titscrepancy. So for the trash challenge, we have black leggings with a white dress. The dress has mutton sleeves, big and poofy, and has black bows down the front. The skirt is full, too. Santino says the white is curtains. On closer inspection the leggings are the same black sequined material as the first look. Last we have a long fitted dress, strapless sweetheart neckline, in the putty. I feel like the girl is about to trip. I mean, she can move in it, but it looks really heavy, like it’s an effort to move the skirt to walk.

Mychael is next. His first look is a short blue dress, with a lot of folding around the bodice. It’s strapless and really short. The folding looks cool, but probably they will yell at the length. He sends out his trash dress next. It’s a basic white tank dress, short and fitted, with plastic pieces around the front. There are some clear pieces and some yellow, and he says he wanted a tornado effect. I wish they would say what these things are. The third look is a yellow one shouldered top. The one shoulder has a sleeve on it, a short sleeve, so it’s not just one strap. The skirt is the same blue as the first dress, and I think there’s a lot of pleating but they don’t show it very well. The last look is the red carpet look, and it’s a long dress in raspberry with a skinny yellow belt. The top looks like it has sleeves, but they are only attached at the top of the shoulder, so there’s a gap between the sleeve and the neckline of the dress. It provides some interest. The back has a racerback cutout. I like that the back is really interesting.

Uli’s first dress is all one color, a light rose with a lot of ruffles. The ruffles serve as a strap over one shoulder, and they flow down the front of the dress to the opposite side, where the dress ends at the knee. The ruffles swoop around to the back, and some branch off at her shoulder to run down the rest of the front of the dress. The same thing happens at the back. The next dress is also one color, a nude tan color, and is short and fitted. There is one big ruffle along her bodice and across her waist, edged in a contrasting gray. The gray also comes over one shoulder and across her back to attach back to the dress with some pleating. Next is a dress, or possibly two pieces, a pencil skirt in a silvery gray and a halter blouse with a high neck and a big collar necklace. Over that is a sparkly shrug of some kind. The model took it off on the runway so I didn’t get a good look. The whole thing is backless. Her last look is the trash challenge, and it looks fantastic. It’s a short dress over black leggings, but it looks like she had several materials, and put them in layers to get an effect of horizontal stripes. The top is gray, and there’s a mesh kind of…whatever it is over most of the middle, and then black across her hips. I think most of the middle is woven, somehow. It doesn’t look like trash, that’s for sure. It doesn’t really look like Uli either, but it’s fantastic.

Korto goes fourth. Her first dress is a short strapless dress in a raspberry color. The skirt is full and has some folding (it’s too big and loose to be called “pleating”) and the top is uneven. On purpose, though; it’s like she folded over fabric and some pieces were longer than others. The hem is kind of full too, but when she turns around the top is not even. One side is longer than the other, and I can’t tell if it’s on purpose. Her second look is a sleeveless vest cut very low and trimmed with metallic fabric, and wide legged pants with a high waist, in a medium brown neutral. It looks fantastic. The trash look is a black dress with a full skirt possibly made out of trash bags, and a bodice made from what look like placemats. The top is cut into overlapping circles so they swoop around and look interesting, and it’s one shouldered. I really like it. The last look is a black and white print, but the same basic silhouette: short, full skirt, sweetheart strapless neckline. I’ve seen a lot of that today.

Chris gets to go next. His first look has bright orange leggings. Yeah. Then there is a very short tight skirt, and a big belted coat. Imagine of you took two rectangles of fabric and put them over your shoulders and crossed them at your waist, with a belt. There are long sleeves and a hood. Orange. Who knows. The next one is weird also, with a lot of volume on top, in the same gray plaid, and a belt, and a knee-length black skirt with magenta tights. The collar on this one is the source of the volume. It just has giant lapels. The trash challenge…sigh. It’s a silver dress, but with giant black cone boobs. The skirt is silver pebbly leather maybe. The red carpet look is in gray plaid, with a bustle, I think. There’s a feather? And one shoulder is black. Oo! But that model is Mountaha! She works it.

Danny V starts with a short black bubble skirt, and a sleeveless top in white with a blue center. It…it’s like sportswear. The second look has the same blue, but in leggings, and a black vest and a white shell with lots of ruffles. the blue is just this weird electric blue. And the models have smudged makeup like they slept in it or something. The trash dress is blue and short with plastic pieces over the top of it. Around her midsection is the black tubing, vertically, and there’s clear plastic around the rest. When she leaves you can see the back is very short and the zipper goes all the way down to the hem. Sigh, exposed zipper. The clear plastic is hinged over so it’s like wings or shields or something. The red carpet look? Maybe? Is short and shiny and black, with white panels on the sides. It’s OK, but not like, groundbreaking or anything.

Jeffrey starts with a short green shiny dress, I think the fabric is black and green sequins. It’s pretty short though. There’s a V-neck but it’s off center. I like the top but she’s about to flash everyone. Second look: a black blazer-style jacket over a shiny putty dress. The dress is gathered at one hip to make an asymmetrical hem. His third look is weird. It’s a jumpsuit, I think, a black sleeveless jumpsuit with a low V-neck and crop legs. And he’s put bright pink booties with it. It ties at the shoulders, and there’s a belt but beneath that it’s really full and with the gathered crop pants it makes her whole pelvis look giant. The trash look is a pink dress with a short hem in front and a longer one in the back, with giant linebacker shoulder pads and long black fringe around the neck and down her back.

Sweet P is last! She’s got her first dress in a minty green, it’s one shouldered with some fabric draped over the one shoulder, instead of just a strap. It’s nice, but not really super great. The second one is a short pink dress, which is not fitted to her body, with ruffles on the bottom in a lighter pink. There are ruffles at the shoulders too, or possibly they are the dreaded rosettes. The neckline looks off, like it’s been cut crooked. It’s kind of shapeless, and the ruffles at the bottom weigh it down. The trash look is a bodice made of ivory plastic, possibly, because it’s all stiff, with ruffles of something at the top, and a full green pleated skirt, with a big pink bow. At least the bow is in front and it’s not a butt bow. There are two tiers to the skirt, a green one and a brown one with white flowers. You know when they have trash challenges and some people’s stuff looks like real clothes, and some people’s stuff still looks like trash, and then all the people in the middle just have weird stuff, but you let it slide because you tell yourself “but it’s made out of trash!” She’s one of the middle people. The last look is a long dress in shiny green, with the ruffles at the bottom and a belt. The ruffles and belt are in a lighter matte green. It looks like a nightgown.

Nina tells Mychael that his clothes are sexy and she loved his evening gown, but Kors says his trash look was “hoochie mama that walked through the garbage”. Diane loved it though. Heidi was surprised by Uli, which is what she wanted, and then Nina is all “It’s sophisticated but I miss the spirit”. Would that be the spirit that you yelled at her for because it was the same thing all the time and you were bored? Kors thinks she moved too far away from the spirit. OK, I can see that. Then they move on. That’s it? I mean, I didn’t have anything to say about Mychael either but I would have thought they’d praise Uli more. Kors claims to have expected “polish” from Jeffrey, which is not what I expect, and Heidi is like “it’s not the Jeffrey I expected”, and did they really think everyone would be the same? It’s been years. I mean, I’m sure a lot of viewers expect the same things, but fashion insiders know designers change. Don’t they? Kors was tired of Santino’s shiny Lycra and labels his evening gown “disco swimming pool”. Santino laughs. Maybe that’s what he was going for. Diane says it’s vulgar and he claims to have not been headed that way. Then Heidi is all, you are the four losers. Uli is in the bottom four?? What the fuck is that?? Sweet P beat her? CHRIS beat her? Bullshit. She kicks them out.

Chris is freaking out and can barely talk because he can’t believe he’s in the top 4. Heidi is like, but you’re so great! But I think he is thinking the same thing the rest of us are right now. Which is, how did he make it to the end? Chris describes his retro inspiration. Kors claims that gray plaid coats with giant collars are “American sportswear”. Seriously, this is pissing me off. Nina even loved the trash look with the cone boobs. The only thing they say that is bad is the evening gown is a lot of look. Diane talks about sportswear too, which, I must not understand what sportswear is then. OK, on to Danny V, who went athletic and youthful. They love the short dress with the white panels, which to be fair is cool even close up. Kors sees a clear picture of who wears his clothes. Korto is also kind of choked up, and says the trash challenge dress is placemats and the rocks from the vases. Nina praises her print, and Kors likes the asymmetry and thinks they will look great on women. We knew Korto could dress women, though. Sweet P made romantic clothes, and she’s got that nightgown dress up there, which just has a bad color. Diane loved all of it. What the crap, you guys. Blah blah, everyone loves Sweet P, and I don’t dislike Sweet P, but I just don’t think she did that great a job. It didn’t totally suck, but top 4? Also, they praised everyone’s trash looks but Danny V’s, which didn’t look like real clothes, but they didn’t really say anything about that. And what did Uli make hers out of?

Diane says everyone has a point of view, even though they told Uli and Jeffrey that they weren’t themselves. They don’t care that Chris had the same plaid in 3 looks, because in a real show that would happen a lot. His trash dress had movement, which it did, to be fair. Heidi doesn’t like that Danny V’s first model had no bra. Nina loved the pants. Kors goes on and on about how much he loves Danny V and he winked at them and thought about details and whatever, he probably wants to get into his pants. All the judges can’t stop talking about his movie premiere dress. Then Kors is all “Danny V grew the most!” but then Uli and Jeffrey grew too and you said that was a bad thing!! AUGH! Heidi loves Korto and her clothes are wearable. Yes, OK, I can agree with that. She uses texture and asymmetry to make things interesting. They think her evening gown wasn’t modern enough, and her trash dress was good enough to wear on the red carpet. Kors says someone could even wear her pantsuit, and then he says “The rules are gone.” which sounds ominous. Sweet P’s first dress was made from leather. I couldn’t even tell. Then everyone loves her playfulness and the ruffles and the damn rosettes and Kors thinks a leather dress that is romantic is perfectly Sweet P. Good, now they’ll stop talking.

Chris had sophistication but did not win. I think he’s just thrilled to get some praise for non-costumes. He’s so sweet I’m going to stop now. Sweet P had a clear story but she doesn’t win either. She’s more OK with it because Diane loved her clothes. Korto and Danny both are like “déjà vu” and he kisses her hand, and she says “You’re so much cuter than Leanne”. Hee! (Kmanpat: “Yes yes.”) Danny had more confidence and was modern, and Korto has great talent and impeccable clothes. They drag this shit out for ages, until they tell Danny V he won. Stupid. Poor Korto. She kind of rolls her eyes like “bitch, please.” She’s really pissed off and hurt. I’ll buy your clothes! Please? Or jewelry? I don’t care, something. Everyone kisses ass to Danny V, about his red carpet dress, and they say nothing about the trash dress, I guess because they wanted him to win after that one dress so they decided it wasn’t important or something. I mean, he’s cute and all, and he can make clothes, but I don’t know that he should have won. Everyone else comes out and pretends to be happy for him. Whatever, it’s over.