TAR14, Recap Leg 5, 3/15/09

Welcome to Leg 5! Kmanpat is in Germany so it’s just me, Toyouke, and hopefully there won’t be an airline fiasco this leg. Let’s start, shall we? Last time, on I Don‘t Know Russian Playwrights But I Know My Star Trek Ensigns, teams raced from Bran Romania to Krasnoyarsk Siberia. Several teams failed at wood stacking but excelled at shutter assembly. Only to fail at locating the proper house to install the shutters. A new twist on the U-Turn allowed Luke and Margie to U-Turn Kris and Amanda in secret, without Kris and Amanda knowing who made them return to the wood stacking. After a Roadblock that combined bobsledding with spelling Russian names, Christie and Jodi somehow managed to come in first, but the U-Turn was too much for Kris and Amanda, who were eliminated. And with that, all of the married/dating teams were gone. Nothing but families and best friends left now. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Christie/Jodi, The Flight Attendants
2nd – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes
3rd – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian
4th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
5th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders
6th – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow
7th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen


Krasnoyarsk Theater of Musical Comedy, Krasnoyarsk, Siberia

12:34 PM Christie/Jodi (1st)
Clue: Ride the Trans-Siberian railroad nearly 400 miles to Novosibirsk (woah, spell-check), Russia! Once there teams must race to the Punkt Technicheskogo Osmotra. Make your way ON FOOT to the Krasnoyarsk station.

“Anywhere with that many consonants in it, is not warm.” I’ll be upfront, I can’t tell these two apart.

12:36 PM Kisha/Jen (2nd) Jen has the longer hair and Kisha has the striped hat. Check. Jen thinks they can beat anyone in a footrace and Kisha also does not want to follow the flight attendants.

Tammy/Victor (3rd)
Margie/Luke (4th)
Jamie/Cara (5th)
Mel/Mike (6th)
Mark/Michael (7th)

Teams arrive at the Central Railway Station in the following order:

1- Christie/Jodi
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Margie/Luke
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mel/Mike
7- Mark/Michael

Kisha and Jen discover the train doesn’t leave until 10:26 PM, so all teams end up on the same train. They only show the first two arriving at the station. They didn’t even show what time they left the pit stop. While they are waiting Mike says “Let the last become first, and let the first become last.” Mel-”He’s quoting the Bible! Thank God! It’s a miracle!” Also everyone complains about the cold.

Train hijinks commence. Well…mostly sleeping at first, but then Mike complains to Luke and Margie about his poor sleeping. Luke runs one finger down his cheek to show his single tear of sorrow. Hee. Mike says he is creating a new archetype: the sinister deaf kid. Victor thinks alliances are falling apart.

Teams exit the train and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Jamie/Cara - who stop so Margie and Luke can follow them. And then complain that their driver is smoking.
2- Margie/Luke
3- Mel/Mike
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Christie/Jodi
6- Mark/Michael - after jaywalking and almost getting hit by cars.
7- Kisha/Jen - who were first off the train, but Kisha directed them the wrong way.

Teams arrive at Punkt Technicheskogo Osmotra in the following order:

1- Jamie/Cara
2- Margie/Luke
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Mel/Mike
5- Christie/Jodi
6- Mark/Michael - who mention on the way that they wouldn’t like to drive in this town.
7- Kisha/Jen

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Russian Bride OR Russian Snowplow
*Russian Bride: Teams choose a car with a 4-speed manual transmission (called a Lada) and find an apartment complex, where they search for a waiting bride. They must then figure out how to get her across town to a particular church where her groom is waiting. Kmanpat here would say, “Oo, cute Russian boys in greatcoats!” Once the photographer takes their picture they will receive their next clue.
*Russian Snowplow: Teams will use a Lada to drive downtown to a stadium. Then they will drive a Russian snowplow through an obstacle course. (Aubernium513: “Is it me, or do these snowplows remind you of Hungry Hungry Hippos?”) As teams arrive, there seems to be a lot of confusion about what exactly is a snowplow. One team member has to drive down one lane, with turns, then turn around and go back. Then they switch so the other team member can do the same thing.

1-Jamie/Cara choose Russian Snowplow
2-Margie/Luke choose Russian Snowplow – Luke thinks Bride has too many steps.
3-Tammy/Victor choose Russian Snowplow – after asking Margie what they are doing. Victor can’t drive stick and he and Tammy laugh about being stereotypical bad Asian drivers. They ask a cab driver for directions and ditch everyone else at the gas station. Then they ditch Margie and Luke again. But it fails because Margie is good at tailing cars.
4-Mel/Mike choose Russian Bride - Mike: “I’d rather party with a virgin bride than snowplow.” (Aubernium513: “Two gay men searching for a bride…how strange is that?”)
5-Christie/Jodie choose Russian Bride - after asking locals for directions but not trusting them because they’re drunk and gropey. Then they apologize to their bride for dressing so poorly.
6-Mark/Michael choose Snowplow - and they are almost too small for the car. They joke that brides are more technical and they don’t need any more.
7-Kisha/Jen choose Bride - they can’t seem to drive stick very well.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Jaime/Cara - after a lot of complaining that no one speaks English and no one will help them.
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mel/Mike
5- Mark/Michael
6- Kisha/Jen
7- Christie/Jodi - because they follow a Fern who leads them to the wrong church. They also talk about the girl while she’s sitting there. I wanted her to start talking in English to mess with them.

Teams are then instructed to drive to the Bibliotekah. Really it has a super long name but I’m not trying to write it down after only listening to it. It’s the largest library in Siberia.

Teams find the library in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jamie/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Mel/Mike
5- Mark/Michael
6- Kisha/Jen - who use their knowledge of Spanish to figure out it’s a library. But have serious problems driving stick.
7- Christie/Jodi - who follow a cab. Then Jodi slams her finger in the door.

And teams come to the fifth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who has stamina and absolutely no shame?
In this roadblock, teams must participate in a winter marathon the way only the bravest locals do: in their underwear. Oh, and then! Then, my friends, the camera pulls back to reveal Phil in his boxer briefs. Kmanpat will be SO jealous. Yum. Anyways, the actual roadblock is to partner with two local runners, warm up for a 10 minute period, and run 1.4 miles to the Novosibirsk Ballet and Opera Theater. This theater will be the PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. Sadly, Phil has put his clothes back on. The last team to check in here MAY be eliminated!

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Luke – boy he raised his hand fast. He is loving every second. (As are we.) Also I love the Rocky-esque music for his running.
2- Cara - she starts walking after a while and gets passed.
3- Tammy - but Victor is jealous because he wanted to run around in his underwear.
4- Mike – who is sad he’s wearing his “big Russian boots”.
5- Mark
6- Jen – who has to change into underwear because she normally doesn‘t wear any.
7- Christie - in a thong. “My dad’s gonna die. I knew it would be bare minimum, but not MY bare minimum.”

Teams finish the roadblock and check in at the PIT STOP in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke – who win a trip for two to San Lucia!
2- Tammy/Victor - Victor likes the ballet dancers. (Aubernium513: “This episode has been FULL of further proof that Victor is on Patrick’s team.”)
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Mel/Mike
5- Mark/Michael - who totally miss Phil in the theater. He has to whistle at them.
6- Kisha/Jen
7- Christie/Jodi – who are NOT eliminated!

Christie and Jodi have been saved by the first non-elimination leg of this season! Next week they will have to complete a Speed Bump. Jamie and Cara no longer trust Victor. And Christie thinks they do best when they’re last.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Margie/Luke
2nd – Tammy/Victor
3rd – Jaime/Cara
4th – Mel/Mike
5th – Mark/Michael
6th – Kisha/Jen
7th – Christie/Jodi

Next week: India! Camels! Possible theft! Poverty! OK, that last one probably shouldn’t have an exclamation point. Kmanpat will be back also!