Meet the fresh meat...uh, designers

Project Runway finally, FINALLY, is starting their new season. I love Project Runway, and I've been on board ever since the first episode and the corn husks. Notice how ever since then they've tried desperately to have another moment of brilliance like Austen's corn husk dress? Yeah. Anyways, now there's a new bunch of people who have probably seen 3 seasons of the show so they ought to know what to expect. This means that everyone will be shocked all the time like they've been living in a hole. Bravo decided to screw us further and not have a "Road to the Runway" episode, I guess because this week's episode of "My Husband Can Do My Job, Only Not Very Well, And I Was Right And Will Never Let Him Forget It" is too important. That pisses me off because supposedly Robert Best was at auditions and I love me some Robert. He's bitchy but funny enough to make up for it (unlike some people, ARI). So below I've listed the designers and my first impressions based on their bios. Bravo also had a fashion show to try to boost ratings and I found that here.

Carmen, 37. She has her own clothing line and business but an architecture education. She's also been a model. She's very well spoken in her interview video. I don't know, I don't have a lot to say about her since she seems competent and low-drama. No Q&A, which is sad, but she has very tall hair in her interview, like, Grace Jones tall. Her clothes include a fabulous green coat and a non-crazy hat.

Chris, 44. AKA Jay 2.0. He's a big guy in leopard print who makes costumes and wigs for Beach Blanket Babylon. This gives me the best vision of his style that I could possibly ever get. I love Jay. This should be good, although in his interview he's very calm and normal. One of the 5 must-have clothing items everyone should have? "Hot man on your arm". Love.

Christian, 21. Just looking at his photo, it says "Look at me! I'm punk!" At least he's designed for Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen, so that backs up his look. He's one of those people that can't follow directions and lists 4 people when asked for 3. He seems flamey but pretty annoying, to be honest. His first model has like 18 layers on and you can see Tim Gunn adjusting his glasses and looking aghast. Christian likes hats.

Elisa, 42. Her bio is super long for some reason. Also it contains sentences like this: "She built the foundation of her work around 'The Hunger World,' a pseudo-fictitious world of marionettes brought to life and mythos through writing, drawing, painting, performance, installation, and fashion." I have no idea what that means. She's another one who can't count to 3, but she seems level-headed in her video, if kind of hippie. Her daughter is Calliope and all her models in the fashion show come out in weird clothes made of unbleached cloth and barefoot. I rest my case.

Jack, 38. Jack is hott. AND he went to UC Berkeley AND Parsons AND he says that his fashion must is "A sugar daddy." Hee. Oh, AND he's a swimmer. Yummy. It worries me slightly that he says you should show off your tits and ass, in that Kors is going to clutch his pearls and say "tootie" in a horrified tone or something. His clothes are very dramatic and I like them.

Jillian, 26. Jillian looks like a bitch. Just her photo and her facial expression. This isn't automatically a bad thing. But she's using phrases like "personal taste level." Seeing her collection, apparently her personal taste level is low enough for shiny silver mini-skirts that are so short that you can see the tops of the model's stockings, and also shiny silver leggings. I don't have a lot to say about her Q&A but she does know how to count to 3 so that's some points, and also I want the coat from her collection. The first one, not the foofy silver one.

Kevin, 30. Apparently Joey Fatone moonlights as a fashion designer. That may have to be his nickname. He says the one thing about him that would shock people is that he's straight. His clothes seem pretty cute although ankle boots + short shorts = not so much.

Kit, 26. Her clothing line is called "Kit Pistol" which I kind of like. One of her outfits is fringed leg warmers, shiny tights with stripes, black body suit with a gang of random buttons on the top of the bodice. I don't like that as much. I will say that even though I don't like her clothes they do fit the name of "Kit Pistol".

Marion, 39. Marion is a boy. He feels everyone should own thin stretch suspenders. Yeah. Also he says he's a pyromaniac and wishes Tim Gunn was his mentor. Not quite as crazy as Crazy Vincent, but there's promise. All his clothes are partially OK but partially wickety wack. He also claims that he used to tell his grandmother how to sew.

Rami, 31. He seems to do a lot of red carpet and he did some stuff for the "America's Next Top Model" ad campaign. Seems promising. His first dress looks like he wrapped the model in tin foil and it wasn't long enough, and then the second dress was fabulous. Although it seemed to have pockets. Long black evening dress with a mermaid skirt and pockets? Dusty rose long gown with weird draping and a baggy top? I don't know.

Ricky, 35. He's number 12 of 14(!) children who used to be a dancer before starting to design clothes. His bio says he worked on Vera Wang's lingerie line, which, a. I don't know that we've had a lingerie designer before, and b. Vera Wang has a lingerie line? His collection is full of lingerie which is cute.

Simone, 32. Her collection is made out of organic and surplus fabrics, so she might be a hippie. Although when looking at her clothes, it's easy to see why the fabric was surplus, because it's shiny and ugly. In her interview she's wearing the same bizarre half gloves her models were wearing in the fashion show.

Steven, 30. The designers this season seem older and established, as compared to previous seasons. Steven seems to be a designer but also work as a "Textile Preparator" for the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. I'm not sure what that is. But he's from Chicago and says that everyone should own a "cardinal red" trench coat and that is entertaining. His second model is the worst model ever. She is terrible. And his last dress has hoops or something; the model's hips look as wide as mine. AND there's a bustle.

Sweet P, 46. No really, that's what she calls herself. No 46 year old should have such a precious nickname. Especially one they got while in a girl motorcycle club called "Hells Belles". I am predisposed not to like her. Her clothes are foofy. They're loose and flowy and girly, and I guess they're supposed to be playful, but they're just...foofy.

Victorya, 34. Parents, as a teacher, I am begging you to spell your children's names properly. Victorya is from Korea so I will cut some slack but seriously. I'm not getting very much of an impression from her, although her clothes were pretty cute and Camilla (Laura's model from last year) was there looking fabulous as always. All her tops had a flutter sleeve, but a long one, like, halfway down to the model's elbow.