Project Runway 10/29/09--"The Best of the Best" summary

Previously on Project Runway: I thought for a brief moment they were designing for Michael Kors, which would have been great, but no, they were only going to get their challenge from him. Make an outfit inspired by a location. Blah. People had cute clothes, I guess, and non-dresses which is always good. Irina won, after trash talking everyone. Chris made some weird ugly dress, and Logan just made a tank top and jeans, but Nicolas went home instead. To be fair, his outfit didn’t say “Greece” at all, but at least the top was interesting. (click for more)

Logan and Chris sit by themselves in their apartment and quietly freak out. Chris thinks the judges don’t get him or his work. Irina holds forth that women have a better viewpoint for designing for women and that the field has too many men in it. Althea puts the bitchpants on and tells us that Chris and Logan have repeatedly been in the bottom. As we all knew already. Carol Hannah may be making a non-dress.

When Heidi comes out she’s made everyone face away from the runway. She appears in a very short skirt and knee high boots. Sigh. Chris is horrified for some reason, not at Heidi‘s outfit but by the fact that he can hear rustling behind him and he doesn‘t know what is going on. Heidi makes them turn around, and they find their own outfits on the runway. Specifically, the ones they made that won them challenges. Carol Hannah hopes very much she doesn’t have to cut hers up. The challenge is to make a companion piece that compliments their look. Logan is the only one whose look wasn’t a winner. It’s the one from the first challenge, the red carpet challenge. Irina starts in with her “some people don’t deserve to be here” litany that I’m sure we’ll be hearing about all night.

Back in the workroom Tim gives them 30 minutes to sketch, $100 at Mood, and the rest of the day to make their clothes. Althea’s look was the jacket/shirt/short skirt combo for the models to work at the industry event. Hopefully she will design a bra for this one. She seems to be making pants, and a huge jacket. Irina has her Aspen look and she says nothing of value. Gordana is going to make a blazer and possibly pants for her divorcee look. Chris’s look was from the first challenge, all the way back then. He’s making a gown, so a longer version, but his sketch seems to have flowers on the skirt so that’s not such a good look. Logan buys 40 zippers at Mood. Chris is buying 30 yards of fabric? Really? Carol Hannah doesn’t want more feathers and sequins, so she really wants something that goes along with it but isn’t exactly the same. Tim gives her advice that if she wants to take some risks and be creative, then she needs to be in something of a comfort zone. So that means if she is a dress person, then she needs to make a dress instead of trying to be creative and also making pants for the first time on top of that.

Carol Hannah just puts out her fabric on the table and looks at it. Then she gets coffee. Irina is making a work look. Althea is draping black pants? I think so they have some volume to mimic her skirt. Then Logan says they look like Malvin’s pants. Oh no. Irina jokes that he’ll give Althea a heart attack. Gordana interviews that everyone is kind of freaking out.

Chris and Logan talk about stress. Gordana talks about where she’s from, and we get a picture of her when she was 4. So cute! Carol Hannah is still confused. Chris sews his 30 yards of fabric. I guess his signature is “volume”.

Tim time! Carol Hannah has a black short dress with a big poofy skirt. Tim tells her to put the green she’s bought under the black skirt. Perfect. Irina is making a tight dress and a big sweater. Tim says it’s unexpected, but he wonders if she needs the cardigan. But it looks like it’s good. Chris’s new dress is long with a ruffley huge skirt. Tim thinks his old look is youthful and sexy, but today’s look, looks like her mother. Chris interviews, “Today did not go as planned.” Althea needs her model to get the fit right. Tim agrees because at the moment, the hips on the pants are super wide and it’s like a diaper. Logan excites Tim already. He’s got a short black dress and is making a collar out of zippers. Like, unzipped and stacked on top of each other. Althea says that’s what she did on the Christina Aguilera challenge, and we see a shot of it. Not that we saw a shot of that during the actual show, because Lifetime is useless at showing the clothes during the runway show. But it does look pretty close. She says hers was better anyway. Gordana has a gray vest or jacket maybe, which she is leaving open. Tim tells her to stand behind it. For some reason, we go outside to Irina and Althea (you can still hear Tim talking to Gordana) so they can bitch about Logan stealing ideas. Althea says she hates Logan and is bitter. Irina encourages her to tattle, or at the very least mention to Logan that he must have been inspired by her look.

The models show up for fittings. Irina thinks Chris’s dress is throwing up another dress. Althea complains to her model about Logan. She then says that he hasn’t ever been in the top 3. Really? Interesting. Chris really is doing flowers. Irina of course is better than everyone.

There is a lot of work to be done in the morning. Flailing ensues. Gordana asks around for a hook and eye closure. Althea says she might have one in her bag, and lets Gordana root around in there. Irina, of course, can’t be bothered to even let Gordana look. If you’re so much better than everyone, then it wouldn’t hurt, right? She says if she wants something, she’ll get it. That makes me want her to fail. Logan wishes she would be in the bottom just to knock her down a bit. Tim gives everyone only an hour to finish. Althea thinks that Carol Hannah has never even done a jacket, so she’s surprised the judges haven’t noticed. That is odd, but I notice that she’s really bitchy about it to her model, but in interview she’s like, “I’m just so surprised, really.” Logan gets his turn with the bitchpants and says that Gordana shouldn’t be doing the same technique with her new look and it looks like his grandma’s couch. Your grandma’s couch is gray with diagonal pleating? Chris thinks he’s meant to be here. Althea for some reason changes her tune and says she’s not going to say anything about Logan copying her because maybe he didn’t realize it. Irina pipes up out of nowhere and says that Althea copied her cardigan sweater from last week, which, I don’t really see it at all at the moment. She was so adamant that Althea tattle so we’ll see if she does.

Jesus. Heidi is wearing walking shorts in silver lame, a pink floral button down ruffled shirt, and a black blazer with elbow length sleeves. Guess who is a judge today! Uncle Nick! Hee! Nina is here too, and then Kerry Washington. I bet Nick can’t compare to Kors but that’s OK. Carol Hannah: very simple black dress with a full skirt. You can’t see the green layer at all. God it’s boring. Althea: black pants that are cropped but are full in the hip, a white tank with straps, and a gray sweater with super huge sleeves. It’s a cardigan sweater and I’m not sure how close it is to Irina. Logan: short poofy black skirt, with a tulle overlay, a white tank and a black and silver vest with the zippers. It has nothing to do with his original look, in my opinion. From far away the collar just looks solid silver. Irina: very big coat in brown with fur cuffs and a really wide collar that just hangs open so you can see the dress. The dress is like tapestry and is pretty. It looks a lot like her other look, which does NOT look like Althea’s. Gordana: black skirt and a gray jacket that is a little long but has horizontal pleating at the waist. The collar and lapels are loose and kind of ruffley. I like it. The seaming is great. Chris: the top of the dress is black with a deep V. Past her hips it is covered in silver flowers, which luckily are sewn in such a way that they just look like petals, and at about her knees the white ruffley underskirt starts and then goes to the floor. I don’t think it’s that bad, actually. The silver runs around the edge of the black up along her butt to the back of the dress, and there are tassels. Nina makes a great face.

Everyone gets to stand up there today. Chris gets to go first. Nina doesn’t like the proportion, because it’s very bottom heavy, but Nick thinks there might be something pretty in there. The black and the white don’t really go together. Irina’s dress is short but it looks great. Nick feels her model looks like a former Russian model who married a millionaire. Really, that’s the story. Kerry would buy it. Nina finally, FINALLY gives Irina bad feedback, which is that she hates the dress. Heidi likes it, but of course she likes short and tight. Gordana tried to be more elegant than her first look. Heidi hates it, like violently hates it. No one thinks this is a girl who wants to be noticed. Gordana stands behind it. Carol Hannah talks about texture, and Kerry likes the color but IT’S BLACK. It’s a black short dress with a full skirt and pockets. Why does everyone think it’s so great? Jeez. Logan thinks his look is a “wow” piece. This is why Kors needs to be here. All Nina can say is “student work”. Nick steps up and says Judy Jetson. Althea likes the volume but still tailored feel of her look, and Heidi wants it. Then she asks who had the first idea of the sweater with big sleeves, because while Althea did not copy Irina’s Aspen look, those two sweaters standing next to each other on the runway right now do look similar. Althea says that hers was in her original sketch, which it was, and that probably Irina’s was in her sketch too. Irina says she did a knit in her previous look, like she has the monopoly on knits or something. She then says that there has been “resemblance” of things, or something to that effect. Is she trying to accuse Althea of copying her or is she calling Logan out? Nick knows that happens all the time, but Irina thinks she should have noticed. Guess she means Althea, who can only reiterate that it was in her sketch and they don’t sketch anywhere near each other. The judges get back on track and give her some more praise about the sweater before Heidi gets rid of them.

Heidi can see people wearing Irina’s clothes, and they always look expensive. Althea had great construction, and it was architectural but cozy. Carol Hannah, they still like, it was well made. Logan’s name comes up and Nick just sighs. Heidi says it’s like an outfit for a music video in the 80’s, but not the lead, for the backup singers. Gordana’s jacket was sad. Kerry wanted to like Chris’s dress but it was too heavy at the bottom.

Carol Hannah is in. Althea is the winner. Take that Irina! Heidi says they all want her outfit, and Althea says she’ll make them for everyone. Nick is like, thanks. Hee. Althea interviews that she’s not really sure what Irina was accusing her of, but something like that is caused by character and not stress. But she won, so whatever. Irina is in. Chris is in. Gordana’s look was sad and outdated. Logan’s dress was too much and he needed to edit. Gordana is in. Aw, no more cute straight boy. Not even his silver pants could save him. He’s surprised that he was sent home for taking a risk and says he’s not for 90% of the population.

Next time: Tim says it’s the last challenge but that would only take them down to four? Only three showed. We don’t see anything useful. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 10/28/09--"Meat Natalie" summary

Previously on Top Chef: we had a Quickfire tag-team cooking challenge, and Kevin’s team pwned the brothers, which was cool. Then they sucked at Restaurant Wars, which was not cool. However, Kevin and Jen were better than Laurine, who was front of house and kind of failed. Also Michael is a jerk in the kitchen, to the point where his brother is tired of his getting rewarded for said jerkitude. (click for more)

Jen’s trying to get over last night’s loser group. Robin talks about how she’s here for a reason. I think this is today’s foreshadowing. Remember how last week we heard from Laurine almost right away? Yeah.

Padma introduces Paul Bartolotta. She has on a strapless pantsuit. I think we’re headed back to weird Padma clothes. Padma talks about “takeovers” and says this is the TV Guide Quickfire. I know, usually I say [product placement] but it doesn’t make sense without knowing it’s TV Guide. They have to take TV dinners and make them gourmet. There are 7 shows to inspire them. Heh. Kevin gets “The Sopranos” which entertains me for some reason. Eli: “Gilligan’s Island”, Jen: “The Flintstones“, Robin: “Sesame Street“, Bryan: “M*A*S*H“, Mike: “Seinfeld“, and Michael: “Cheers“. Why do these entertain me so? Padma gives them an hour.

Robin never sat through an episode of “Sesame Street”. Travesty! She also never had junk food. Jen knows she needs a steak with a huge bone, but can’t find any. Sad. Eli whines that “Gilligan’s Island” is 20 years before his time. OK, OK, he’s not really whining. Bryan is making really homey food. Kevin’s family all lives on the same street, and he knows the Sopranos is about a family, luckily, so he’s set. Jen is flailing, her sauce is boiling over.

Padma and Paul sit on the old-school couch in the little set they made to appear all authentic, with TV trays, and the chefs have to come serve them. Jen: chicken roulade with garlic cream, pea salad, brioche stuffing, and caramelized peaches. It looks sad, but so do most TV dinners. Mike (WHO HAS NEVER SEEN SEINFELD): sausage and peppers, mushrooms and cheese, and warm fruit salad. At least everyone laughs at him for never seeing Seinfeld. Kevin: meatballs with polenta, roasted cauliflower, and a roasted pear. Yum. Eli: macadamia nut shrimp with sweet potato puree, herb salad, cherries and bananas. Michael: chicken parmesan with spaghetti gratin, braised Swiss chard, and cherry pie. Robin: burger with egg, crispy kale, carrot salad, and an almond laced cookie. Bryan: meatloaf, mashed potato, asparagus, and apple tarte tatin. It looks very tasty.

Jen’s salad was bleh, and her chicken wasn’t great either. Robin’s burger dried out. The good (Padma is saying stupid clever sayings): Kevin’s concept was consistent, and Bryan was excellent. Kevin wins. Whee! Bryan looks kind of pissed. Padma promises him that while he won’t win immunity, apparently there is such a thing as “Top Chef Frozen Foods” and “a version” of his dish will be offered there. He asks if it will have his picture, and then does the finger-gun-wink combo that generally only douche bags do, but Kevin is funny so I’ll let it slide since I will assume that was ironic.

For the Elimination challenge they get to take over Tom’s Craftsteak to serve 11 people. Then Padma kicks them out of the kitchen, so I guess they’re going over to Tom’s place.

Jen is tired and has to refocus. Kevin brags that him cooking meat is him in his element, but that lamb last episode was pretty rare. Eli and Mike are confident. Once they get to the restaurant everyone heads straight for the meat, digging around and loving the selection. Tom greets them, wearing a suit and looking pretty good. He wants to introduce them to a special guest, who is Natalie Portman. Cool. They’re going to be cooking for her, and she says she’s adventurous and tries new things, which is also cool, but then she says she’s a vegetarian. HA! Awesome. Two hours to figure it out!

Robin seems to be the only one who is not really freaking out. Everyone runs back to the walk-ins to figure out what they’re going to do now. Jen doesn’t get the eggplants she wants, but she still wants to use eggplants so she’s using baby ones. She’s not doing well today. Mike is cocky. Kevin says he knows how difficult it can be to feel full on vegetarian meals because he and his wife give up meat for Lent. He hopes to have something so tasty no one will know it has no meat. Robin can’t focus. I feel that is her usual mental state. Mike wants to keep his leeks whole, so they look like scallops? How are you going to clean them? Eli pretends to be OK with vegetarians, but then he says that if he was in joking company he’d say they were lower human beings. Oh, ha ha. Michael is mixing banana and polenta. Huh? Mike finds that he’s been trying to boil water for his leeks in a wobbly pot so it’s not hot at all. He won’t change his plan though. Jen whacks lemongrass on the counter and interviews that she’ll do vegetarian if she has to. Bryan thinks he may run out of time. Mike’s leeks are not what he wants, but somehow he still is really cocky. The leeks themselves look sad and wilted and brown. Robin scrambles to get done, and fails to get 3 of her plates done.

Robin: squash blossom stuffed with wild mushroom duxelle, beet carpaccio, fresh garbanzo beans, and chermoula sauce. It seems to be made of pickled lemons? Maybe? I’m not sure. The chermoula is salty, and of course Tom had one of the plates with no garbanzo beans. Eli: confit of eggplant, lentils, garlic puree, and radish salad. Judging from the portions he really didn’t need the large eggplant. Paul says he just got a lavender blossom in his mouth and it’s like sucking on soap. Michael: asparagus salad, Japanese tomato sashimi, and banana polenta. He also brought out two covered pots to the table, but I’m not sure what they were for. In general the banana polenta tastes good but Gail has found big lumps of banana. Tom jokes that generations of Italians are spinning in their graves. Jen thinks her plate is really small but I think Eli’s was smaller. Jen: charred baby eggplant, braised fennel, tomato coins, and verjus nage which is juice from unripe wine grapes, in a sauce. She’s saucing everyone’s plates at the table but it’s not the neatest job since she’s shaking. Gail thinks maybe this wasn’t enough for an entrée. Mike: whole roasted leeks with onion jus, baby carrot puree and fingerling potatoes. He talks about protein, and then says it’s a leek? We know about the “leeks look like scallops” but I’m not sure he explained it. Apparently it looks pretty but they of course know the leeks are undercooked. Bryan: artichoke barigoule, confit of shallot, wild asparagus, and fennel puree. Artichoke barigoule is a stew with mushrooms. Padma makes several comments about the garlic blossoms and how they are like little pricks in her mouth, and they’re so tiny but have such a huge flavor. Natalie is in giggles and Tom encourages her. I think everyone encourages her. Kevin: duo of mushrooms (braised and roasted), smoked kale, candied garlic, and turnip puree. It’s not super pretty but it does look like it is filling. The kale is kind of too smoky but the rest of the dish is really filling. Mike promises that he will always make it better and he’ll pull through. Jen thinks she is going home. This is how you know Jen is in and Mike is out.

“Top Chef Reunion Dinner”? Really? I’m tired of the Stupid Hair Brigade.

Commercial interlude: everyone goes to Paul’s restaurant and tries bits of everything. Paul calls it “power eating”. Kevin says he specializes in power eating, brags that he once ate 130 chicken wings in an hour (I believe it) and then says he didn’t get fat accidentally, it was a personal choice. Hee.

Kevin, Michael, and Eli are the top three. Interesting. Kevin jokes that Eli’s going to ask if they called his name by accident. Hee. Michael’s food made everyone look around and wonder what was going on. Eli’s dish was beautiful and fun. Kevin does not get praise for a pretty dish but instead for great flavor. And then Kevin wins for bringing together inventiveness and flavor. I did not see that coming. He wins GE appliances. Michael bitches that he could have made Kevin’s dish in twenty minutes in the second year of his apprenticeship.

The loser gong greets Robin, Jen, and Mike. Mike confused everyone by mentioning a protein, because there are non-meat proteins. But not in his dish. The leeks were not cooked so they were really pungent, which Mike tries to explain. Tom points out that he can roast leeks in 20 minutes, and they won’t look like scallops, but they’ll be cooked. Mike just kind of shrugs, like he doesn’t think anything could have been done. Robin starts talking about protein, and the garbanzo beans, and she’s never stuffed squash blossoms before, and Tom says she’s all over the map so how could the dish come together? The chermoula wasn’t good, and two of the three plates without garbanzos went to the judges. I think the waiters must have secret producer orders to take any incomplete plates straight to the judges. Robin is like, well I ran out of time, and doesn’t apologize or anything, so that’s not good. Jen didn’t have enough food to account for the two hours they had to cook. She admits she freaked out and was shaking when she sauced the plates. I think she’s already given up.

Padma can’t believe Jen didn’t realize she would end up with small portions. She’s also really defeatist which everyone noticed. Mike couldn’t cook his leeks, which is a pretty easy thing according to Tom. Gail is annoyed that Mike is arrogant enough to assume he’ll not be eliminated. The rest of the dish wasn’t enough to account of the leeks, which he also thought would carry him. Robin’s dish wasn’t thought through, and she also did two things for the first time which wasn’t the best idea.

The most interesting part of Tom’s berating the losers is that he mentions that Jen has been sliding for a couple of challenges, and I thought they weren’t supposed to take past challenges into account. Mike goes home, as I called a while ago. Of course he wastes part of exit interview saying Robin should have gone home. Robin is happy to still be around, and thinks the ugly backstabbing will end. Right.

Next week: well, next week is the stupid reunion dinner, a.k.a. “Let’s take all the people that hate each other and make them have dinner together”, but after that, Padma demands breakfast in bed, and Michael gets on Robin’s nerves. Clicky clicky

TAR15, Recap Leg 6, 10/25/09

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on We Go To Extremes, teams traveled from Phnom Penh to Dubai, United Arab Emirates, where Cheyne took the only fast forward of the entire race to but him and Meghan in first. In the end, Lance and Keri were eliminated, much to the enthusiasm of the viewing audience. And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
2nd – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
4th – Gary/Matt, Pinky and the Brain
5th – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
6th – Maria/Tiffany, Team Poker
7th – Mika/Canaan, Team Bathtub

Souk Madinat Jumehria, Dubai, United Arab Emirates

8:17 AM Meghan/Cheyne(1st)
Clue: Choose a briefcase and travel by taxi to the Dubai Creek Golf and Yacht Club. Once there, search the boardwalk for your next clue.

Cheyne: “It’s like an island Las Vegas.”

9:59 AM Brian/Ericka (2nd) – Ericka: “It’s always important to look good first thing in the morning. After that, who cares?” Brian: “"Where are we going, girl?" (Toyouke: "Well the producers decided to skip some important places like whole continents so we have to fill the time by not actually going anywhere.")
10:42 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (3rd) – Flight Time: “If you get thirsty, just drink your sweat!” And this comes after the boys go to the wrong location. Oops.
10:45 AM Gary/Matt (4th) – Matt: “I need handcuffs for this briefcase. I just redyed my hair!”
11:34 AM Sam/Dan (5th)
11:47 AM Maria/Tiffany (6th) – Tiffany: “I feel like James Bond, but he never sweats.”
11:54 AM Mika/Canaan (7th)

Teams get taxis and travel to the Golf and Yacht Club and arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Gary/Matt
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Sam/Dan
6- Maria/Tiffany
7- Mika/Canaan

Teams then find the boardwalk and get their clue in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Gary/Matt
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Sam/Dan
6- Maria/Tiffany
7- Mika/Canaan

And teams come to the sixth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to row, row, row their boat?
In this roadblock, one team member must row a dinghy to a nearby yacht to pick up a watch from a waiting sheik. The roadblocker should then return to the dock and open briefcase using the time on the watch (8:35) as the combination to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “OMG THIS ROADBLOCK KICKS SO MUCH ASS!!! Ahem. What I mean is, I enjoy the puzzles and clue solving trend this season has started.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Cheyne – “Row, row, row your boat, gently down Dubai. . .”
2- Brian – who does it because Ericka doesn’t do water. (Toyouke: “Ericka doesn't do water, she doesn't do sun...there isn't going to be a fashion contest. Probably.”)
3- Gary
4- Big Easy - (Toyouke: “I am entertained he fills up the entire boat.”)
5- Dan
6- Tiffany
7- Canaan

After much rowing and briefcase opening, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – (Toyouke: “Wait, they figured it out that fast? Please let someone fail.”)
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Gary/Matt
4- Sam/Dan
5- Maria/Tiffany
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Flight Time/Big Easy – who, to their credit, came up with other creative combinations off the watch and couldn’t really nail down the right combination.

Teams are then instructed to take a taxi to Abra Station, a water taxi port, to find their next clue in the Old Souk District.

So, teams arrive at Abra Station in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Gary/Matt
4- Sam/Dan
5- Maria/Tiffany
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Flight Time/Big Easy

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Gold OR Glass – I personally would have called this “Moolah OR Hookah”, but no one asks me.
*Gold: Teams take a water taxi to a jewelry store in order to weigh $500000 worth of gold, which they must divide by the exchange rate, which keeps changing in real time. Once teams weigh the correct amount of gold, they will receive their next clue.
*Glass: Teams take a water taxi to a nearby spice market and find a crate of hookah parts to complete twelve hookahs in order to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Oh, we are building hookahs. Even though we could easily figure out how much $500,000 of gold weighs. Building things > constantly changing exchange rate.” Kmanpat: “And yet, I’d like to not have to build breakable things without instructions. I’d go Moolah over Hookah.”)

1-Meghan/Cheyne choose Glass
2-Brian/Ericka choose Gold – and after a few tries, Bald Snark to Glass. Ericka: “Stupid American education.” (Toyouke: “Shut up about your American education. I wouldn't need a calculator. And another thing: You knew you would have to measure out some gold and deal with numbers so why did you pick that Detour if you are so bad at math, ERICKA?”)
3-Gary/Matt choose Glass – (Toyouke: “I love that Matt had to explain to Gary what a hookah is.”)
4-Sam/Dan choose Gold – and they've packed a calculator in their backpacks. (Toyouke: “Oh no they didn't. OH NO THEY DI'INT. A calculator. And they STILL don't know how to use it. The alliance with Maria and Tiffany SAVED YOUR ASSES today.”)
5-Maria/Tiffany choose Gold - who help Sam and Dan by shouting the correct weights.
6-Mika/Canaan choose Glass
7-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Glass – but decide to Bald Snark to Gold.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – (Toyouke: “Did you not think you had to use all the pieces? This isn't IKEA.”)
2- Sam/Dan
3- Maria/Tiffany
4- Brian/Ericka – (Toyouke: “’I don't think the colors matter’ = the colors are essential.”)
5- Gary/Matt
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Flight Time/Big Easy

Teams are instructed to take a taxi to Atlantis at The Palm Dubai Resort and search the grounds for Aquaventure Waterpark and ride the Leap of Faith, a six story, 60° waterslide through a shark tank to get their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Maria/Tiffany
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka – and Ericka hates water, but she goes.
5- Gary/Matt
6- Mika/Canaan – and Canaan can’t get Mika to go down the slide. (Toyouke: “Hmm...I don't think telling her that she'll make them lose the race is the best way to deal with that.”) But then who should show up but. . .
7- Flight Time/Big Easy

Teams slide to the bottom and arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Maria/Tiffany
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt
6- Flight Time/Big Easy – because, if another team shows up, the sitting team gets two minutes to complete the challenge or the next team gets to go.
7- Mika/Canaan

Teams get their clue and find that they must now travel by foot to Dolphin Bay Beach, the PIT STOP of the sixth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win a personal watercraft for each of them. (Toyouke: “Why is Cheyne so excited about a jetski?”)
2- Maria/Tiffany
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt
6- Flight Time/Big Easy – Phil: “This has got to be one of the most dramatic finishes ever!” (Kmanpat: “Stop giving me lists to write Phil!” Toyouke: “PHIL! Look, Phil, we love you and you have really great pants on today and you're looking hot, but every time you refer to something as "most" whatever ever, then we have to come up with a list to prove you wrong or right and we ALREADY had to do that once this season because of someone else. Don't taunt me.”)
7- Mika/Canaan

And Mika and Canaan are eliminated because Mika couldn’t beat her fear and go down a water slide. Ah, these Canaan days we used to know, where have they gone, where DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID they go? Eh bien, raise your berets, to those Canaan Days.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Maria/Tiffany
3rd – Sam/Dan
4th – Brian/Ericka
5th – Gary/Matt
6th – Flight Time / Big Easy

Next week: Off to the Netherlands we go! And Ericka breaks down while the Globetrotters break it down. Until next time! Clicky clicky

Project Runway 10/22/09--"Around the World in Two Days" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make a Bob Mackie-inspired gown for Christina Aguilera. Did anyone deliver with the sparkles and whatnot? Of course not. Imagine the outfits for the WWE Divas. Now imagine them on Christina Aguilera. Pretty good, huh? Sadly this did not come to pass. Carol Hannah won, and her gown was gorgeous and had sparkle and feathers, but from far away it would have been boring. Shirin made some weird gored black and white dress, and it was not cute. She went home, and Gordana was lucky she had immunity or it might have been her. Also, as I watched the model show, I noticed that they forced everyone to choose new models this week. I’m beginning to wonder if that’s a random schedule. Most designers are loyal to their models. Say a good model has a not-so-great designer who is eliminated. Do the producers suddenly go “Oh! Today you will switch models!” in an effort to save that girl? It didn’t work this week. Just something to think about. (click for more)

Carol Hannah is going to miss her roommate Shirin. She starts talking about sheep and wolves. Nicolas talks about himself and how he is going to assert himself and whatever. The usual Nicolas talk. Chris thinks he’s an underdog and he talks about how he doesn’t have training and then he gets a montage. A montage? That can’t be good.

Heidi tells everyone that Tim is taking them on a field trip to Rodeo Drive to meet a world-famous fashion designer. Woo. Logan and Chris explain for us about Rodeo Drive, because if you don’t know, famous people shop there. They end up in Kors’s store…eh. I mean, I like Kors, but it would have been nice to have someone new. On the other hand, he’s been gone so long that I’m OK will dealing with him all day. And can you imagine his comments when the designers are supposed to be making clothes for him? Alright, I’m better about it now. Kors tells everyone that they should get inspiration from all the fabulous places they’ve traveled to. He gives the vaguest challenge EVER which is to be inspired and have fun with their inspirations. Sigh.

Back in the workroom Tim does the teacher thing and explains things more thoroughly: they must make an outfit inspired by a location. Or that embraces that location. Or something. Well, it’s better than what Kors said. Also they aren’t really designing for Kors either. Carol Hannah gets to pick first and she picks Palm Beach. Nicolas takes Greece, and it falls out as follows: Althea = St. Tropez, Gordana = New York, Irina = Aspen, Chris = Santa Fe, Logan = Hollywood. When Logan gets stuck with Hollywood there is tootling and he pretends to be excited. 30 minutes to sketch and then a budget of $150 at Mood. And one night.

Sketching commences and nothing exciting happens. The girls seem to know what they’re doing. Shopping is boring too. Logan is wandering until something jumps at him, Gordana is buying jewels, and Irina doesn’t have enough money.

Logan is making some hippie clothes. Irina is making pants, a vest, and a sweater. The sketch looks great. Nicolas has some long-ass story about fabulous tomboys. Somehow Carol Hannah didn’t buy enough fabric. Irina bitches that everyone is laughing and not working hard enough and then they run out of time. Jeez, they’re having fun. Calm down. Gordana mentions cracking under the pressure. There are a lot of really disjointed sound bites today. Is it just me? I feel like each interview and comment is unrelated to the others and it makes for a really choppy recap. Maybe I’m just tired. Anyways, people are hoping to do well and afraid of screwing up. As usual. Chris gets ANOTHER montage. WTF, producers? Did nothing happen this week so you have to kill time?

Tim time! Gordana is making a collar with her jewels, and Tim points out that all she has is the collar and no dress. He is nervous. Althea has some shorts and a top, all in muslin right now because she knows tailoring is very important. Tim agrees and tells her to remember to make it menswear inspired but not menswear, but men probably wouldn’t want to wear short shorts. Oh, I can think of some. (Kmanpat: “SHUT UP you said they were back in that year! Plus I have great legs.”) Chris has a very plain long dress with a square-ish neckline. And a belt. Tim tells him not to waste all his time with a belt. Irina laughs and says his dress is Amish and she can’t believe he’s still here. Shush, Tim just said it was fabulous. She’s just not funny to me. Carol Hannah, right now, has what looks like a muumuu. She wants a long flowy dress, but it’s boring and cliché and not even an Uli dress. I can’t tell what Nicolas is doing because all he has is some black pants now. Poor, poor Logan seems to be flailing. I think he has a T-shirt. Tim just tells him to get to work. Irina has really tight pants with weird leather straps on them. They’re well made but the straps are odd. Tim warns her that everything has to be proportional. On second inspection the straps I think are trim on the pockets. Nicolas thinks it’s borderline costume, but no one would make a costume all in brown. Probably.

Model fitting doesn’t have any surprises. Irina tells all of us that no one else is doing anything different from when they came here and no one is improving but her because she is superior to everyone. Carol Hannah interviews that Irina doesn’t want to be anyone’s friend and it bothers people. Nicolas starts to freak out because he can’t get the jersey to sit right. Chris’s outfit still does look kind of Amish, and he finally figures this out with 10 minutes to spare. He quickly chops off the bottom of the skirt.

The designers go home and hang out in one of the apartments and joke around and drink wine. Nicolas loves everyone. Really, he said he’s close to everyone and they’re all talented. Althea can see the end of the tunnel. It gets weird when people are eliminated.

Carol Hannah may not have enough time to get done. Nicolas had a mental breakdown yesterday but he seems to be OK now. In the workroom, Althea feels good but Logan is cutting a new waistband in case his old one doesn’t fit. It’s very quiet because everyone is freaking out. The models come in and some last-minute fitting ensues. Nicolas has some weird flaps going on. Logan’s fits, and Carol Hannah hopes she can finish it well. Chris says something to the effect of “No one will give me a chance because I didn’t go to design school” and PLEASE STOP HITTING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH THAT. He’s going to lose, I get it.

Heidi is wearing some pleather dress. Kors and Nina are BOTH here! Yay! The guest judge is Milla Jovovich. Uh…OK. Logan: slim white pants, a blue tank top, and black vest. It seems well done from here, and there are suspenders which is kind of cool, but I feel like I could go out to the mall and buy pretty much the same thing. And it’s not that Hollywood. Althea: short dark bronze shorts, a white tank, and a gauzy blouse that is open but tied with a ribbon belt. I think it’s St. Tropez. Very vacationy. The shorts look good. Nicolas: slim gray pants with pleats at the ankle, and a white long-sleeved top. The top has a strange vest effect, which I think is what happened with the weird flaps. It’s OK but not very Greece-like. And the back of the pants looks weird to me. Carol Hannah: long flowy dress in a green print, with spaghetti straps. Boring. I mean, it’s cute and all, but just like Logan’s I could buy it right now at the mall. Chris: brown skirt which is pretty short, but flowy, and a bronze belt with a pattern to it. There are two layers to the skirt; he put a gauzy flimsy layer on top of a plain fabric. Then the top is a light blue with a white camisole. The sleeves are elbow-length but really full. It’s mostly cute but I don’t see any Santa Fe in it. Irina: tight brown pants, a brown sweater with a big cowl neck and a tie belt, and a fur vest with a hood. It’s a lot of brown and there’s a weird keyhole in the back that looks sloppy, but the rest of it looks expensive. Gordana: short gray dress with a jeweled collar, and a sheer wrap that the model is wearing draped across her front. She takes it off quickly though. There’s some ribbon trim that makes an hourglass shape and then winds around the skirt. It’s cute.

Althea is the only safe one. Irina talks about her outfit and of course everyone thinks it’s great. The back keyhole is actually finished well. I don’t know, they all think it’s a fantasy thing, like people playing dress up, or something. Maybe it’s just because I don’t like Irina. None of these outfits are that great. I’m bored. Chris talks about color stories and stuff. Nina I think is bored, and wants better colors. Milla likes the belt but that’s all that’s good about his look, which doesn’t look like Santa Fe either. Carol Hannah wanted relaxed. Nina loves the twisted fabric she used for trim and straps. Everyone praises her fabric, and how easy the dress is, but I feel like the fabric did half the work. Nicolas thinks Greece means edgy. Kors thinks he got “Grease” the movie. Hee. The shirt is tight and the sleeves are loose, and probably he should have just made a dress. Gordana was thinking of a socialite and is defending herself and digging herself a hole as she talks. She should just say socialite. They love the collar and wish the dress was even simpler. Kors says it’s very Park Avenue. Logan is inspired by younger Hollywood. The vest he made actually has diagonal buckles, it looks like. Also there are zippers on the back of the ankles of the pants. The clothes are too basic and not edgy enough. Kors agrees: “They’re clothes, they’re not fashion.”

Irina’s outfit was very well made but could have had more than one color. Gordana’s dress fit her part and her neighborhood, but she isn’t confident. Carol Hannah made wonderful details but maybe needed something extra. Chris had poor proportions. Heidi thinks it was unwearable and ugly. When Heidi brings up Nicolas Kors says “His Greece is a song.” Heh. They can’t understand his pants at all. It sounds like he would have been OK had he made the top into a dress and left off the pants altogether. Heidi didn’t mind Logan’s outfit, and Milla says ”If this was called ‘Project I Didn’t Mind It’ he would win”. Hee. I don’t mind Logan either. The judges feel jeans and tank tops are not enough to win.

Carol Hannah is in. Irina is the winner. Blah. She claims that she is now under more pressure to be better than before. Gordana is in, but not before Heidi tells her to be more confident. Logan is in. They’re just waiting for him to hook up with someone. Anyone. Nicolas missed the mark and his outfit was not Greece. Chris’s outfit was wishy-washy and wasn’t Santa Fe. Chris is in. Wait. IN? What kind of crack is that? Are they hoping he’s the one who sleeps with Logan? This makes no damn sense. Nicolas tells everyone not to cry, and he’s going to move to Japan and become a shepherd. Ha, just kidding! Tim appears and reassures him it was a matter of taste. Nicolas wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Next week: Heidi makes them face away from the runway for some reason, and then everyone freaks out. Logan copies Althea maybe. I’m still confused that Nicolas was worse than Chris. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 10/21/09--"Restaurant Wars" summary

Previously on Top Chef: the Quickfire challenge involved product placement. Yeah. The rules weren’t even clear, because it involved snack food, and it was not clear if they were supposed to use the snacks in the dish or just serve them alongside. Anyways, Eli won, which would have been nice if he hadn’t gotten so annoying. Remember when we all hated Mike? I know, right? And he’s started to shut up and is less offensive. Well, then the Elimination challenge had to do with pairing pork dishes and pinot noir, and Eli went ON and ON about how he kicked ass at pairing wine with food. Then his pairing didn’t work at all. The only thing that would have made that better is if he had been called out in the loser group. Before that, though, he and Robin had a stupid fight which concluded with his eating dinner out of a frying pan because he was too stubborn to take a dish from her. I’m sure she’s annoying but he’s no angel and he’s annoying without Robin. In the end, Kevin won, which is fun because I like Kevin, and Ash lost, because he hasn’t been doing well and this time he listened to others and made cold pork tenderloin. And it ended poorly. (click for more)

Jen wanders around in her bikini and suggests she’ll cook in it. Laurine says she’s glad she’s still here and you can’t let yesterday affect your cooking today. So she’ll be leaving tonight. Kevin says losing Ash means that the dynamic of the house is a lot different, I guess because he was a buffer. Like, say, between the brothers who are constantly bickering. However they can’t manage to insert any footage of Michael and Bryan actually bickering.

Padma greets everyone and introduces our guest judge Rick Moonen. She also lets us in on the fact that this season’s finale will have 3 people in it. Today’s Quickfire? A tag-team cook-off. Knives are drawn. However none of the knives have anything on them, until Jen draws one with “First Choice”. Kevin thinks this is a mistake by some production assistant, but I know Lee Anne wouldn’t screw up that badly, so it must be on purpose. Michael gets “Second Choice”, but no one else gets anything. Jen gets to pick her team first, and picks Kevin after agonizing briefly about whether she should split up the brothers. So of course Michael picks his brother. Jen takes Mike and Laurine, and Michael picks Eli and is left with Robin. Each team will make one dish in 40 minutes, each individual cooking for 10 of those minutes. No speaking. And blindfolds will be worn until you are cooking. Kevin is so confused by the crazy. Winning team gets an advantage. And it’s high stakes, so you get $10,000 to split. Weak. Padma gives them 30 seconds to choose the order. Both teams put their weakest players (Laurine and Robin) in the second spot.

First up are Jen and Eli. Flailing ensues. Jen has black cod and scallops, and shrimp, and a sauce. Eli grills some steak and mushrooms. Both of them seem to be doing basic prep work that can go in many directions depending on what the rest of the team feels like doing. Laurine and Robin tag in. Laurine keeps the sauce going but doesn’t understand the oil that Jen had put out for poaching the cod. There’s some thyme in it and I think Laurine is wondering about a fried thyme garnish. She also pulled some scallops but I thought Jen did that already? Eventually she realizes the oil is for poaching. Robin heads for Caesar vinaigrette with yuzu and anchovy. Bryan and Mike are up third. Mike stares at the ingredients as he figures it out. He has to get new oil because the other oil is burnt. Bryan starts making foam. Sigh. Last up is Kevin and Michael. Kevin has to actually figure out what is going on. He’s going to ignore the scallops and also the oil for poaching. Interesting. He’s doing it on purpose, too, not because he can’t figure out what’s going on. Michael puts the beef in the oven to cook and does some random stuff with chemicals.

The Red team (Michael, Bryan, Eli, and Robin) serves a pan roasted NY strip steak with whipped miso, avocado puree, nasturtium salad, and pickled vegetables. It looks fairly tasty. Eli wasn’t going for this but it’s pretty close. The Blue team (Jen, Kevin, Laurine, and Mike) has pan seared trout with sautéed mushrooms, shiitake broth, and radish salad. Right away, Rick calls her on the fact that the fish is sablefish and not trout. Oops. The Red team’s beef was rare but the other components were great. The Blue team’s stock and sauce was fantastic. Rick awards the win to the Blue team. Woo!

Elimination challenge! Restaurant Wars! The Blue team claps but the Red team just kind of stands there. Rick gives them use of his restaurant, which has two floors and two kitchens. The Blue team can pick their kitchen, and this season they don’t have to worry about décor, probably because Rick doesn’t want them messing with his stuff. Plus the décor never affects the eliminations anyway. However, front of house and service are still important. Padma adds (in a dubbed in voiceover) that the person doing front of house will still be responsible for one dish. They have 1 hour and $1500 at Whole Foods, and the same time and money at Restaurant Depot. Rick wants them to respect his restaurant concept while planning, which is sustainable seafood. Padma turns to the Blue team and tells them a great piece of news: they can take their $10,000 to split, or they can let it ride and if they win, they will get $10,000 EACH. They all want to let it ride. Jen says game on.

I don’t care which brother is the better chef. Thanks, poll question. (Kmanpat: “C. they are both hot so who cares?”)

30 minutes to plan menus. The Blue team immediately decides not to do a desert so as not to have it bite them in the ass. Laurine gets stuck in front of house. 3 course menus are planned. Red team is making dessert. Michael and Bryan argue about dessert, and they want Robin to make her crisp which helped her win her Quickfire. Bryan wants to make his chocolate ganache from that same challenge but his brother remembers that he didn’t execute it well. Michael is basically like, well you can do your dessert if you can do it properly.

Eli claims that he will be able to get along with Robin today. Much running around and product placement phone calls ensue. Robin gets sort of jokingly upset because Laurine saw they have sparkling water? I don’t get it. I think she was joking around, shoving Laurine and whatnot, but Laurine didn’t think it was funny because it wasn’t. Instead she just rolls her eyes and says that no one is going to win with sparkling water.

Back at the house Eli tries on a jacket and his shirt’s untucked and he looks like a schlub. He’s going to be front of house, so that should go well. Michael jokes that they should call their restaurant “R.E.Volt”. Heh. But not with that punctuation, that was just so you could see their initials in it. And not the “disgust” definition, but the “uprising” definition. Blue team’s restaurant is “Mission” which is a simple non-flashy style of architecture. Michael is changing Robin’s dish, so it matches all the rest of his fancy food, probably with foam or something. Mike thinks if they finish with Kevin’s meat (…hee) and if he’s as good with his meat as he has been all this time (…hee again) then they can’t lose.

The next day they head to the restaurant for 3 hours of prep time. Red team takes the fine dining restaurant, which is the top floor, and Blue team is on the bottom floor, which is more casual. Bryan says it works better for them anyway. Kevin knows that restaurants aren’t opened in 3 hours. Sigh…”Revolt” has a backwards E. You know, because they are all nonconformists and stuff. Michael yells orders to Robin, who gets all pissy about it. He says she’s out of her league, but he’s asking her if she has a brush for the egg wash. Even I know that.
We get a little bit of menus. Mission’s menu (that’s the Red team) includes asparagus & six minute egg, and arctic char tartare; second course is bouillabaisse consommé, or seared trout; third course is pork three ways, and lamb with carrot jam. I think that’s two choices per course. Jen is making the bouillabaisse and trout, Mike is making the first courses, Kevin has the pork and Laurine has the lamb. Laurine’s done the prep for the lamb but Kevin will have to execute it while she’s out front. Everyone is behind on this team. Revolt’s menu (the Blue team): chicken and calamari “pasta” (if you’ve ever watched them make fish noodles on “Iron Chef” then you’ve seen that before), and smoked arctic char; duo of beef, and cod & billi-bi sauce; pear crisp, and chocolate ganache. I think billi-bi is a mussel soup of some kind. Michael is doing the “pasta” and cod, Eli is making the arctic char, Bryan has the duo of beef and the ganache, and Robin has the crisp. Michael feels his food will be more playful than safe. Eli and Laurine leave to get ready for front of house.

Tom time! Laurine says she’ll be watching dishes and sending them back herself. Kevin knows that he can do it because he works main courses at his restaurant. Jen is behind and won’t really talk to Tom. He heads to find Eli, who knows he’s not safer out front. Michael claims he’s not team leader. Lots of flailing ensues. Laurine and Eli tell the waiters how to run things. People are hanging out at the bar, but Laurine is still telling the servers what the dishes are, and Eli also has to seat people. Jen is nowhere near ready.

Service begins. Jen is going to have to cut fish to order. Some random woman says she doesn’t understand the “Revolt” name. The judges arrive at Revolt, and I love Padma’s shoes, they have fringe and are cool. I had to rewind here because Toby was holding his arm weird and it looked like he was walking arm in arm with Rick which would be odd. Eli kisses up to Rick and once he leaves Tom and Padma laugh at the restaurant name. Eli returns with the first courses. The smoked arctic char has beets, horseradish sour cream and potatoes. The chicken and calamari is described as pressed chicken with calamari noodles, tomato confit and fennel salad. It looks pretty good. Tom wants more chicken, and Padma teases him that she’s surprised he left her that much, and he says he was hoping she would give it back to him. It’s nice to see the judges joking around. The char didn’t pop though. Eli is back in the kitchen yelling at them to get the judges’ second course out. There is some discussion about if this wait is too long, but Tom notices that everyone else is waiting too, so maybe they’re doing it on purpose? Certainly the judges haven’t been singled out. Michael says that if you wait longer than 6-7 minutes between courses people get antsy. I tried to figure out if that was true, but it’s been so long since I’ve been anywhere with courses I don’t remember. Sigh. Kmanpat is nodding so I think that’s right. Anyway, then he says that if they drop everything to serve the judges first they’ll get backed up. The duo of beef is braised short rib and prime NY strip. The cod has a parsley sauce, a billi-bi croquette (how do you make a soup into a croquette?), and zucchini “tenderloin”. I put it in quotes because how do you get tenderloin from zucchini? The cod melts in your mouth, but the beef is just OK. Some poor woman gets cold beef. Why doesn’t she send it back? Back in the kitchen Robin and Michael argue about the portion size of her dessert, and he pretty much shoves her out of the way to do it himself, and she gets all shouty about how this is her desert and she cusses about it how this is HER goddamn dessert. So Michael tells her never to cuss at him like that again because he’s just trying to help. That’s not cussing at you. So much for “Oh, no, Tom, I’m not the leader.” Robin tries to get Michael to see how all she wanted was to do her own dish and be respected, but Michael just says she doesn’t respect anyone by cursing. This argument goes on too long, because neither of them are going to admit to anything, and Michael is really condescending, and Robin is too sensitive, and they should both just shut up. Dessert finally makes it out to the judges. Chocolate ganache with spearmint ice cream and chocolate tulles, and also pear pithivier with vanilla ice cream and elderflower syrup. Pithivier is puff pastry with frangipane inside (kind of like marzipan? Right?). So that is pretty far from pear crisp. However, they love the pithivier and also the ganache. Rick likes Eli’s intensity in front of house. He remembers to say goodbye.

At Mission Laurine does manage to greet the judges and seat them quickly, which is good, but Tom notices and announces right away that there are no desserts. Padma gasps. First courses come out, and Laurine leaves without announcing what the dishes are. At least that’s how it’s edited. The char is so under seasoned that Padma asks for salt. Oo. Mike of course is offended. The asparagus is boring. Jen is holding up the tables because both fish dishes are labor-intensive. Laurine is starting to flail, and the kitchen slides into chaos. She’s going around to tables, apologizing about the wait for the second course, and Padma asks her about it. Laurine lies and says it’ll be one minute, and then returns to the kitchen to discover it’s not even fired yet. Jen curses because I think no one told her to fire the judges’ table. Again she leaves without explanation. Padma calls her back to explain, so I guess we’ll never know what was in the first course dishes. The trout has a brown butter emulsion, hazelnuts and braised endive. The halibut has mussels, clams, and saffron aioli in consommé. I love that the other judges will comment on something being wrong, but it’s Padma who actually asks Laurine for stuff. Kind of like how my friends will stand around wondering about if this is the right line, until I finally just go ask someone who is already in line. The halibut is OK but the broth isn’t clear so it’s not really consommé. The brown butter emulsion has broken, sadly, so everyone is disappointed in Jen. Kevin has trouble cooking the lamb for some reason, and he says that his definition of doneness doesn’t match Laurine’s. I think this results in her taking the wrong plates to the wrong tables, maybe? Someone sends their lamb back. Kevin tries to be nice about it, saying that he doesn’t know who is right. Padma, having learned from the last two courses, asks Laurine to explain the dishes as she’s serving them. The lamb has carrot jam, green bean salad, and morel mushroom sauce. The pork three ways is maple glazed pork belly, pork sausage wrapped in cabbage, cornmeal mousseline, and red-eye gravy. The lamb is pretty rare. Kevin’s pork is great, but they do miss dessert. Revolt gives out sunflowers to the female guests at the end of service. For some reason this irritates me a lot. Don’t kiss up to your guests to try to get a better score on your comment cards. The camera people find several people who liked Revolt and several people who didn’t like Mission so much.

They should just go ahead and make the Restaurant Wars episode a two-part episode. Enough with this “extended episode” crap. Thank God for my DVR so I don’t have to worry if I missed the last 15 minutes on my tape.

Commercial interlude: an interview with Michael where he talks about how a good leader doesn’t yell and scream and isn’t arrogant, intercut with him cursing at his brother and yelling at Robin and being arrogant. Nicely done, editors.

The Stew Room is not a happy place. Mike admits that his team did not do well. And sure enough, Padma calls Revolt up first. Tom actually tells them they are the best Restaurant Wars restaurant in the history of the show. Wow. Even with the stupid name! Bryan’s ice cream and short ribs were fantastic. Eli’s front of house skills were great and his dish was solid (although they do tell him it was not that exciting). Michael’s food was delicious, as was Robin’s dessert. Tom says it was more homey than everything else, and he asks her if she fought for that. He must have heard some things while he was back in the kitchen, that was a really loaded question. Robin says she encountered some resistance about that. Michael adds that he gave her some recipes, or something, but she banged it out, and Robin rolls her eyes because of course she thinks she was dominated. Michael kind of laughs, but dude, you did leave out the part where you took over her station because you thought she was ruining your chance at a win. Michael wins, and gets $10,000, since the other team lost. Rick gives everyone a copy of his cookbook, and then Michael asks if he can share his money with his team, which is a really nice gesture and makes me kind of forgive him for being arrogant before.

Back in the Stew Room the mood is pretty dour. Once the teams swap out, I think there is a Michael/Robin fight coming but there is not. Bryan is kind of pouting, but he says it’s nothing and then says that Michael should keep all his money. He interviews that Michael’s a control freak and that they’re rewarding his unprofessional behavior. Bryan won’t admit to being annoyed, though. On to the losers. Tom starts by pointing out to them that each person was responsible for both dishes in the same course, which caused them to end up in the weeds. Yeah, that was a bad idea. Laurine felt the most comfortable in the front of the house. Mike knows exactly what was wrong with his dishes, namely that the arctic char was inconsistent. Jen steamed all her clams and mussels to order, a factoid that causes the judges to pretty much bang their heads on the table. The halibut was cooked perfectly, but the broth and the halibut kind of cancelled each other out. The trout was brown and blah and the sauce was broken. Jen can’t even really defend herself. The judges attack the lamb next, and I am just remembering that Laurine promised Tom she’d send back lamb herself if it didn’t look right. Sure enough, she says that she thought it was a little underdone, and he reminds her of their conversation. Laurine admits she didn’t follow through on that. And on explaining dishes to the diners. Tom knows they didn’t have a leader. Padma kicks them out without saying anything to Kevin. Well, I assume they said things to Kevin but we don’t know what they said.

At least they knew it was bad. Nothing went seriously wrong with Mike. Jen put out a horrible trout dish. They get on Kevin for the lamb, because he was sending out rare lamb as medium rare, but also on Laurine for not doing well in the front of the house.

Interesting. 64% of viewers think Bryan is a better chef than Michael. (Kmanpat: “Bryan is a better chef, but Michael is cuter.”) Fair enough.

Jen did poorly in general, Kevin undercooked the lamb but did well on the pork, Laurine did not do well at all, and Mike was just boring. Laurine is sent home. I told you. She’s really calm about it and tells Kevin she doesn’t blame him. She doesn’t want to compete against anyone for anything ever. Someone asks Kevin what the judges said, and he says he’s really angry and doesn’t want to talk about it.

Next week: Natalie Portman. For some reason. Robin is confident, something is disgusting.



Clicky clicky

TAR15, Recap Leg 5, 10/18/09

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Cities Named After Celebrities: Sean Penn Cambodia, teams traveled from Ho Chi Minh City to Phnom Penh Cambodia, where Zev and Justin went from worst to first and then worst again when they lost Zev’s passport in a temple that they weren’t even supposed to go into. Who will give us sound bites now? And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
2nd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
3rd – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang
4th – Gary/Matt, Pinky and the Brain
5th – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
6th – Lance/Keri, Team Street Lawyer
7th – Mika/Canaan, Team Bathtub
8th – Maria/Tiffany, Team Poker

Wat Phnom, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

12:25 PM Sam/Dan (1st)
Clue: Fly to the Persian Gulf and find the world’s tallest building! (Toyouke: “I hope people try to go to the Petronas Towers. Or somewhere else, where, you know, the building is FINISHED. Except they told them to go to the Persian Gulf. Dang.”) What this means is that teams must fly 3300 miles to Dubai, United Arab Emirates and find the Burj Dubai, soon to be the world’s tallest building. Once in Dubai, teams must find the Dubai Fountain and sign up for one of 2 elevators to the 124th floor for the next clue. You have $160 for this leg of the race.

Sam: “Where is the Persian Gulf?” Sigh, and he was the cuter one too. (Toyouke: “Hee. The hot brothers are not that smart. Cute but stupid.”)

12:27 PM Flight Time/Big Easy (2nd) – they go to an internet café, only to find out that they would have had to get tickets for their flight 24 hours in advance off the internet.
12:30 PM Brian/Ericka (3rd)
12:35 PM Gary/Matt (4th)
12:37 PM Meghan/Cheyne (5th)
12:47 PM Lance/Keri (6th) – Keri: “They’ll never tear us apaht.” I’m going to miss that accent.
12:49 PM Mika/Canaan (7th)
12:55 PM Maria/Tiffany (8th) – and they remark that they are only still here because someone else screwed up. Wow, two saves in one season.

Teams get taxis and travel to Phnom Penh International Airport to arrive in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Meghan/Cheyne
4- Mika/Canaan
5- Gary/Matt
6- Flight Time/Big Easy
7- Maria/Tiffany
8- Lance/Keri

And all teams get a flight through Bangkok to Dubai. Cue the Amazing Red Line!

So, teams arrive in Dubai and make their way to Dubai Fountain in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Maria/Tiffany
3- Mika/Canaan – who get a taxi driver without a clue as to where he is going.
4- Sam/Dan
5- Meghan/Cheyne
6- Lance/Keri
7- Flight Time/Big Easy
8- Gary/Matt

Once teams arrive at the fountain, they sign up for their elevators.

Elevator 1: 5:30 AM
1) Maria/Tiffany
2) Brian/Ericka
3) Sam/Dan
4) Meghan/Cheyne

Elevator 2: 5:45 AM
1) Mika/Canaan – and we find out Mika hates heights, and is afraid of having to bungee off the building. Which, on the Race? A valid fear.
2) Lance/Keri
3) Flight Time/Big Easy
4) Gary/Matt

When the time arrives, teams go up in the elevator and get the clue. Which tells them to do nothing on top of the tower. (Toyouke: “I can't believe they let the teams into what is basically a construction zone. And that was all they had to do? WTF?”) So teams find out that they now need to find a parking deck at the Dubai Mall and get a marked car to drive themselves to the Dubai Desert Conservation Reserve. Once there, teams choose a 4x4 and a driver to take them to the next clue. (Toyouke: “Hey, they learned their lesson about the last time teams drove themselves through the desert!”) Teams read the clue in the following order:

1- Maria/Tiffany
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Lance/Keri
8- Flight Time/Big Easy

And then, behind the clue envelope, we find the FAST FORWARD!

FAST FORWARD:

Recall (if you can, since we see these so rarely anymore) that a fast forward is a task that can be performed to allow one team to skip all remaining tasks and head directly to the pit stop. However, each team may only use their fast forward power once on the race, so they must decide when it is more advantageous to use it. In this, the only fast forward on this race, (Toyouke: “ONLY ONE FAST FORWARD? WTF IS THAT?!?!?!”) teams must travel to the Dubai Autodrome and choose one team member to drive an F-3 open wheel racecar (Toyouke: “Psshh, they should both have to drive the race car.” Kmanpat: “Agreed.”). They must complete a full lap in less than 45 seconds to get their next clue and to skip all remaining tasks and travel directly to the Pit Stop.

Teams decide to go for the Fast Forward in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – mostly because Cheyne wants to drive a racecar, which I argue is not a good reason to take a Fast Forward. But whatever.

So – autodrome, driving, 40 seconds, and Cheyne has won the Fast Forward for their team. They get their Fast Forward and takes a Maserati to the Pit Stop at the Amphitheater at Souk Madinat Jumehria.

In the meantime, teams arrive at the Desert Reserve in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Maria/Tiffany
3- Sam/Dan
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Matt
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Lance/Keri – who got very lost en route to the desert. (Toyouke: “How did Lance and Keri get so far away from everyone? Not that I am complaining.”)

And teams come to the fifth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who thinks they can beat the desert heat?
In this roadblock, one team member must go into the desert and find water filled urns buried in the sand. Teams then fill a water bag with the water and take it to a nearby bedouwin and his camel to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Holy crap. This Roadblock is like, actually dangerous. Not fake "oh you might fall but you have a safety harness on" dangerous. But "I seriously hope they have paramedics standing by" dangerous.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Brian
2- Tiffany
3- Dan – who waits for Tiffany to scoop water with her ladle so that she can scoop it for him next. (Toyouke: “A better idea would be to use the ladle yourself, and then give it to him while you leave. You're still being nice but you also aren't screwing yourself.”)
4- Matt
5- Big Easy
6- Canaan – this isn’t the first time that the “Canaan wanders through the desert story” has been told. (God, from the tub: “Hey, I love this episode! I haven’t seen it for at least 3000 years!”
7- Lance – who prays to God. (God: “Quiet, you, I’m watching Canaan wander the desert!”)

After much searching for urns with water, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Sam/Dan
3- Maria/Tiffany
4- Gary/Matt
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Lance/Keri

Teams are instructed to drive themselves to Ski Dubai to get their next clue. Teams depart in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Sam/Dan
3- Maria/Tiffany – who get off to a rough start as Tiffany runs over a metal rod that punctures her radiator. And the boys stick around to wait with them. (Toyouke: “THEY'RE OK! THEY'RE JUST BAD DRIVERS! KEEP GOING! GOD people are stupid sometimes. RACE.”)
4- Gary/Matt
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Lance/Keri


Teams them arrive at Ski Dubai (Toyouke: “I like the Arabic pseudo "Jingle Bells" music.”) in the following order:

1- Gary/Matt
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Sam/Dan
4- Maria/Tiffany
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Lance/Keri

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Build a Snowman OR Find a Snowman
*Build a Snowman: Teams carry snow form the inside to the outside and use the snow and provided materials to build a snowman before the snow melts. Once approved by the proctor, teams get their next clue.
*Find a Snowman: Teams use the chair lift to go to the top of the slope and sled down to a pile of snow and find a snowman buried in the pile. Once teams find a snowman, the take it to the nearby Polar Bear to get their next clue.

1-Gary/Matt choose Find a Snowman – and, in the first Bald Snark of the Season, they eventually switch to Build a Snowman.
2-Brian/Ericka choose Find a Snowman
3-Sam/Dan choose Find a Snowman – who Bald Snark to Build a Snowman.
4-Maria/Tiffany choose Find a Snowman – who Bald Snark to Build a Snowman.
5-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Find a Snowman
6-Mika/Canaan choose Build a Snowman
7-Lance/Keri choose Build a Snowman

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Gary/Matt
4- Maria/Tiffany
5- Sam/Dan
6- Mika/Canaan
7- Lance/Keri


Teams get their clue and find that they must now travel to the Amphitheater at Souk Madinat Jumehria, the PIT STOP of the fifth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win a trip for 2 to Jamaica.
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Gary/Matt
5- Sam/Dan
6- Maria/Tiffany
7- Mika/Canaan
8- Lance/Keri

And Lance and Keri are eliminated. Lance: “In the history of all the races, no one has ever done this bad.” Um, Lance, I think that sounds like a challenge to me. (Toyouke: “You mean a Top 10 Worst Race Mistakes and Performances?” Kmanpat: “Yup.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Brian/Ericka
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy
4th – Gary/Matt
5th – Sam/Dan
6th – Maria/Tiffany
7th – Mika/Canaan


Next week: Waterslide! Oh, and Mika is still afraid of heights. So Canaan tries to push her down. THAT’S going to go over well. Until next time!
Clicky clicky

Project Runway 10/15/09--"Sequins, Feathers and Fur, Oh My!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: there were a large number of divorced women who wanted a fresh start. So the designers were forced to make new clothes from their old wedding dresses. I thought this was lots of fun. Shirin got all agitated about how her client wanted a Cher costume (thanks for letting me know they were saying “Halfbreed”) but in the end just put some stitching on it. Gordana made a gorgeous dress out of the lining of the wedding dress, dyed gray. It was kick ass, and she won. Sadly Epperson made a weird Ren faire thing and was sent home. Was Chris’s shiny garbage bag worse? I think so. But Epperson didn’t seem to understand the challenge at first, and I think it threw him too far. (click for more)

Chris is only here to win! And he’s been in the bottom a couple of times (…hee) so he’s freaking out. Shirin does yoga and interviews that she’s feeling confident. Carol Hannah hasn’t won a challenge, nor has she been in the bottom.

Heidi reminds Gordana of her immunity, and says it’s time to take the competition to the next level. Shouldn’t they have already done that? If they want to shine, this look must upstage the rest. Everyone giggles at Heidi’s wordplay. Then she kicks them out to go meet Tim and a secret guest! That if you looked online at all you would already know about! Also there is no immunity, and there will be no immunity for the rest of the competition.

So everyone files into a room, but they don’t tell you where it is, and there are no outside shots of them driving there, which makes me think this is the basement of FIDM and they just want to pretend it’s somewhere cool. In front of them are Tim and Bob Mackie. Tim confirms they’re at FIDM in the museum section. This is the Bob Mackie exhibit, so there are lots of dresses and costumes around. Many shiny things. Today they will have to make an extravagant stage look in the style of Bob Mackie. Kick ass. He says this is not fashion, this is the stage. You need to really go for it. Nicolas pees his pants. And Tim says they will have a particular person in mind: Christina Aguilera. I think Nicolas pees his pants again. Everyone is very excited. They not only have to think about the stage, but also the fact that concerts like that will have video screens. Tim gives them 30 minutes to sketch, then shopping at Mood with $300. And they get two days!

Everyone wanders the exhibit and those costumes are fantastic. Crazy, but fantastic. Carol Hannah seems to be a little worried, but Nicolas is very excited. In the 30 minutes they have to shop, Shirin says people are buying anything shiny. Like magpies distracted by shiny things. Nicolas still manages to be superior because he’s going to put sequins on by hand instead of buying pre-sequined fabric. If he has time that should turn out better.

Back in the workroom Nicolas continues to talk about how awesome he is, so I hope he backs it up. Irina tells us some people know what they are doing and some people are really lost. Like Shirin, who bought some red fabric and now hates it. Chris is going for “80’s punk prom”. That sounds good. I guess. Irina laughs that Carol Hannah bought some cheap looking fabric. She’s completely lost because this is pretty far from her comfort zone. Logan realizes he doesn’t know enough about Christina Aguilera to know if she would care he has real fur in his design. Nicolas points out to the workroom at large that having both Christina and Bob Mackie together at the same time is pretty impressive. Gordana is feathering a whole gown, I think. Or possibly rouching. She is very glad to have immunity because she’s pretty sure she’s not going to be proud of her design. She takes some tape off her fabric (I think there was tape along the edges so it doesn’t fray?) and it pulls beads off too. The whole thing is falling apart when she cuts it so she’s down today. She goes into the lounge to lie down and get away from it.

In the morning Gordana decides to start over. I’m so glad she has immunity. Althea is looking to blow everyone away. Nicolas has a lot of feathers, or, pieces of feathers. Think a dress with a feathered skirt. I think Christian had one and Laura also. Shirin’s dress is a long black dress with white ruffles from the waist down. Not looking good.

Tim time! Chris has a tear-away outer garment. Oo. But Tim says if he’s going to have a reveal, it should reveal “super sexy slut”. No, really, Tim Gunn just said the words “super sexy slut.” He’s under impressed with the outfit underneath and calls it “1999 costume department ice skating Halloween outfit.” I like the idea of a reveal though. Althea also has a huge jacket and a sequined dress underneath. I don’t know that she got constructive advice. I think she must have. Gordana has a matronly look but she knows she isn’t all there right now. Tim points out that Nicolas’s dress looks awfully similar to his other winning costume. Oops. Carol Hannah wanted to go glam to sexy but she can’t figure out how to transform her sequined gown. She wants to make it short but she can’t think of how to do it without going Ice Capades. Tim totally agrees and she’s going to leave it. Shirin…oh Shirin. Tim sits down on a stool to tell her that her dress is student work and bad high school prom. Irina rolls her eyes that Shirin isn’t even a designer. Sigh.

Chris compares Tim to a tornado. Leaving wreckage in his wake. Shirin loudly claims to be freaking out, and Chris is all, yeah, you should freak out. She’s going to scrap the whole thing, and he says that’s a lot to do, and she seems to get inspiration from somewhere and bolts out of the sewing room to start working. The models come in for fittings and they seem pretty excited. Carol Hannah says she might sew through her finger. Logan talks about her, and are we trying to set them up, producers? They must hook up later. But no one really talks to each other as they work. Remember when Danny V and Nick and Santino and Chloe all sat around and talked about their coming out stories and Chloe said her biggest fear was dating a gay guy? Of course now they cut to Gordana laughing at her dress and people just acting kind of goofy. Irina says everyone is kind of going nuts. I can’t tell if she’s glad others are failing or if she’s entertained. She kind of has a stick up her ass most of the rest of the time so who knows.

The morning of the runway show everyone is still freaking out. Althea I think had fun with this challenge because she still seems sane and happy. Tim sends the models in. Carol Hannah is putting feathers on her dress. She talks about it to Logan. Irina tells her model that Carol Hannah annoys her. She’s not even talking to you. Why is she annoying? Because she’s “mediocre”. I cannot roll my eyes hard enough for that. Nicolas interviews that Irina’s actually a really good designer. “The only problem with her is that she’s a bitch.” Well said. Although…kind of the pot calling the kettle black. Carol Hannah gives up on the sewing and busts out the hot glue gun. Gordana has kind of given up entirely. Tim tries to collect everyone but at first no one listens to him.

So why is it that Heidi has no problem wearing short shiny things ALL THE DAMN TIME but the one challenge where they basically said “Make something short and shiny” she is wearing a black dress with ¾ length sleeves and a boat neck like a normal person? Bob Mackie is here, and Nina is back! Yay! And apparently Kors is gone because Christina is here. She looks good but man is her hair blonde. White almost. Althea: long silver sequined gown with a huge black puffy jacket over it. I think it has feathers? The gown has some diagonal stripes of plain fabric on one side and a very long train. Logan: short zebra print in green and black sequins, with a black fur shrug. It looks very rock star and he put his model in high black boots so it all goes together. The dress is one shouldered and it might actually be too short to dance in. Shirin: long black dress with white and black ruffles in the skirt. The ruffles are just strips of fabric, and I think the black ones are sequined, while the rest of the dress is plain. There are some interesting straps at the top, but I don’t see anyone performing in this. It’s not even that great of a dress just in general. The ruffles are really big at the bottom in the back. Chris: the outer garment looks like a short black dress with a bubble skirt and thick straps. Then she takes that part off to reveal a black sequined bustier and silver boy shorts, also sequined. See, now that’s something I could see Christina performing in. And a garter belt. Nicolas: white short strapless dress with silver accents. The skirt has feathers pieced in, but it is pretty short. It’s cute, and manages not to look like an ice skating costume, so props for that. Gordana: long white dress in this weird fabric that looks like fishnet but has beading? There is a halter neckline but the top looks weird, like it’s not wide enough where her boobs are. The beaded fabric ends just past her butt so it accentuates the butt area. Nice. Irina: black coat with bell sleeves, which reveals a dark navy sequined short dress. Sadly, it has a very short flippy skirt and looks kind of Ice Capades. Or maybe a sequined nightie. Carol Hannah: long black sequined dress, that is strapless, and has feathers around her waist. They do break up the dress which is nice.

Irina is the only one called out, and she is safe. Well…I guess there were bigger train wrecks than her. Gordana also gets called out, and Heidi tells her she’s damn lucky she has immunity or she might have been going home. She gets to leave too. Carol Hannah went for high glamour, and usually I don’t talk about hair and makeup, but she did a great job matching the look of her model to the dress. It’s all very 40’s glamour. Christina could see herself in it. Nina says it has the potential to have a great reveal, so Carol Hannah describes how it was going to have a breakaway skirt but looked too ice skating. Bob Mackie (I can’t just write “Bob”, you know?) agrees that ice skating would be the kiss of death. There are a lot of textures. Shirin knows she didn’t do that well and blames taking on a lot of work. Heidi is thinking “upscale witch costume”. Christina thinks she would trip. The top half isn’t connected to the bottom half, which in Nina’s opinion is Carmen Miranda. Althea wanted glamour but edgy at the same time, and also something that would be like a big sign that said “This is the star“. The contrasting strips are actually not plain fabric but the backside of the sequins. Heidi says the model’s ass looks fantastic. Nina, though, wonders if Christina could perform with a big train. Chris for some reason has an elaborate story about a Cyndi Lauper cover. Yeah. Also his outer garment has big gray buttons. Christina winces as he talks. Heidi hates the whole bustier and hot pants combo. Nina is bored because it’s just like Lady Marmalade. Please don’t let Christina fry her hair like that ever again. Then Nina announces to everyone that she’s seen all these looks before. Bob Mackie says he wouldn’t put that corset on a chorus girl. Christina is nice and says she likes the idea but it’s not done that well. Nicolas says something about art deco and Heidi and Christina love the way it moves and how beautiful it is. Bob Mackie wants some other accessories. Logan wanted to move in a new direction, and as they pan up his model, I don’t know if it’s the model or his dress but she looks like she’s got a little belly pooch happening. There are chains on the back of the fur shrug and Nina and Heidi make fun of the “dramatic” chains. Christina is thinking “cavewoman” which is not good. Also apparently Logan lined the dress in hot pink, but didn’t think of how anyone would see that. Nina likes that he took a chance, as opposed to everyone else, but he should have ran with it.

Nicolas’s outfit had great movement and suited Christina’s body. Carol Hannah’s had great texture but Nina doesn’t like black for the stage. Althea had a very well constructed gown. Now on to the bottom! Shirin is talented but her outfit was not well thought out. Chris was tasteless. Bob Mackie labels it “road company of the Pussycat Dolls.” Hee. Then Nina gets all agitated because Christina’s already done that look. Much better than Chris’s outfit. Logan’s outfit was at least a little bit hip but still cavewoman.

Althea is in. Christina gets to tell Carol Hannah that she won and implies that one day she might wear it. Maybe. Carol Hannah is excited and she’s super cute about it. Nicolas is in. Logan is in. Chris made a cheap imitation of something that’s been done, and Shirin was unflattering and boring. Shirin is out. She looks very forlorn. She has to trust in her talent and she won’t give up.

Next week: another field trip to Rodeo Drive. Nicolas freaks out. I think a lot of people freak out. And Kors is back, so the Dynamic Duo is back together! FINALLY! Clicky clicky

Top Chef 10/14/09--"Pigs and Pinot" summary

Previously on Top Chef: we had a Quickfire that pimped a website that should help you decide what to make for dinner. Kevin won and took the money instead of immunity. Happily it did not come back to bite him in the ass. The Elimination challenge was to cook for a dinner party back at the house. There’s some discussion about “saving money” or something, but it doesn’t really have resonance on a show that gives its chefs Kobe beef ribs to cook with. Jen won, but Ashley lost. Michael was in the bottom too, which was weird but he was safe of course. (click for more)

Michael still is upset about almost going home. He compares himself to Babe Ruth and says he’s still going to kick ass. Eli lives with his parents and is close to his mom. At least he can see how that’s kind of sad. He’s also upset about being in the bottom yesterday. And he thinks that if he does poorly, it will follow him forever. I…kind of doubt that. Robin does Pilates out in the backyard and interviews about her cancer which is some heavy editing right there. Winning would make her feel invincible.

Padma…dear Lord, she has knee-high white boots and black tights and a black outfit. Maybe it’s dark navy. Are we back to Crazy Padma with the outfits? The green jumpsuit last week? It certainly is more interesting. The guest judge today is restaurateur Charlie Palmer. Also she has a big wide white leather belt with a gold circular buckle. Hee. Charlie reveals that the brothers have both worked for him in the past. This Quickfire will be about the art of pairing. At first I thought he said “paring” so I was like, knife skills? But that’s not what it’s about. They have to make a dish with a snack food. A [product placement] brand snack food. And of course the house has been well-stocked with those snacks. They look good--crunchy salty snacks. I guess they’re high end chips or whatever. 45 minutes.

The brothers talk about whether or not Charlie likes them. Jen’s cursing up a storm and freaking out. Eli is making soup, and he’s talking about how his palate is superior and he can look around and see people who don’t understand what pairs with what. Ash feels that he was in the bottom because he didn’t look around and see what other people were doing, for influence. I’m not sure that’s what happened. I think you were so in awe of Michael that you let him do whatever he wanted. Jen thinks she pulled her pork chops too early, so she‘s hoping the judges come to her station first. Otherwise she’s probably screwed.

Eli: potato clam salad with fennel, celery and white truffle sauce. It goes with onion strings, which…are crushed up in the salad maybe? There‘s a random shot of onion strings in a bowl by themselves. There is also a shot of Jen looking pissed. Kevin: warm bean confit tomato salad with fresh herbs and creamed corn. He used the onion strings too, I think crushed on top. Bryan: seared rib eye with pickled onion, sautéed mushrooms, and chive puree. More crushed onion straws. Charlie asks if everyone used onion straws because it was safe. Heh. Robin: sweet corn panna cotta with avocado mousseline. Yum. There are jalapeno snacks alongside. Mike: chilaquiles. Oo, those are good. It’s tortillas and chicken and beans, I think. That’s what’s in the recipe I make. You cook it in a casserole and the top gets crunchy. Mike put the waffle fries in it. It’s spicy. Michael: tuna tartare with avocado, pickled onions, and jalapenos. There is no mention of what snack he used. Ash: chilled cucumber avocado soup with crème fraiche, crab, and red pepper. He paired them with BBQ chips but they are overpowering. Laurine: swordfish crusted in onion straws, with spinach, asparagus, and fava bean puree. Jen: sautéed pork chop with tomato sauce and feta cheese. Again, no mention of snack foods.

Robin’s dish was creamy but it didn’t go with the chip. Ash’s dish didn’t work well together either. And Jen’s pork was overdone, but we knew that. Eli’s dish went with his chips, Bryan’s dish was safe but perfectly done, and Kevin’s dish was put together well. Eli wins. I would be more excited if he wasn’t so smug about how everyone else sucked. Ash is surprised, but he says that Eli is deserving of a win because he’s a great chef. “Not that I don’t deserve to fucking win.” Hee.

Now is time for Elimination challenge and the knife block. Jen pulls a knife with a pig and the word “Wild”. Interesting. Michael says he knew it would be pork because Charlie loves pork. Once he shot a wild boar outside his house and took it to the restaurant to be served. Cool. Everyone else draws knives, but they all seem to have body parts on them: ribs, tenderloin, belly, etc. Kevin tells us he has a big tattoo of a pig. So Jen’s “wild” is a wild card, and she can pick what she wants. So she picks belly, which is what Eli has. Mm, pork belly. So the challenge is this (if you know the episode title you already know): pair up a pork dish with a pinot noir. Charlie does a charity event every year, and so now the contestants will be serving that event. Eli thinks he can nail the pairing and be the first person this season to win both the Quickfire and Elimination challenges. There will be 150 people, tasting portions. I think the event is called “Pigs and Pinot”.

They go to Mandalay Bay, which is the place with that wine tower where the servers put on harnesses to get the wine down from 3 stories up. Charlie brings his sommelier so they can taste 9 different pinot noirs. Laurine says that pinot has a natural attraction to pork. Each chef picks out a specific bottle. Eli brags about how his restaurant has 110 wines by the glass and every dish is paired with a wine, and I’m tired of listening to him. He says some people didn’t pick “the real dogs”. Whatever. I want him to fail. Fiery crash failure.

45 minutes and $300 to shop. Kevin buys a ton of bacon because the leg tends to be lean. He will be embarrassed if he loses, because he is the pig guy. Laurine is making rillette, which is like pate. Ash is using cherries. Mm, cherries and pork. They pack up the cars and go home.

Kevin tries to get along with everyone. It looks like they’re all just hanging around the kitchen. Robin talks a lot and Kevin says she probably has the best intentions but is driving everyone insane. Mike doesn’t talk to her because he doesn’t want to get her started. They find several shots of her just talking about nothing while other people roll their eyes. Later she says she won’t touch Eli’s scallops because he’ll get mad. I think he’s making dinner for people. She tries to find him a serving plate but he’s like, I got it. She knows that people think she shouldn’t still be there. Robin tries to get someone to ask her about her dish, but no one will, and she doesn’t get the hint that she should be quiet about it. Then I think Eli uses her cutting board? She bitches that she cleaned it so she could use it, but it’s fine, she’ll clean up after him, and there’s some profanity. And then Eli calls her a martyr and claims she has an attitude and she’s not his mom. Um…clean up after yourself. He pretends that if she had asked him he would have cleaned up the cutting board. She says she would have raised him better if she was his mother, although he is not in the room at the time. Later she comes downstairs where there are still scallops left over and someone tries to tell her they’re rotten, which is pretty idiotic. She eats one anyway, and Mike says “They’re not rotten, they’re Robin.” Hilarious. As much as I might have sympathy for people who have to listen to non-stop chatter, you lose points because 1. That was pretty lame, and 2. You and your friends just set the frying pan on the table and stuck your forks in. Kind of sad. Robin takes it in stride and says that she IS rotten. To the core.

Four hours to cook. Ash is worried, but he says that last night Mike suggested he do a chilled dish. So he’s throwing out the polenta idea and he thinks this will keep it moist. Kevin is making a pork leg pate, and he’s worried because it’s the simplest dish with the fewest components. Bryan only has 4 hours to do ribs. Michael feels that he is riskier and also more well rounded than his brother. Robin interviews that she wants to do well after everyone was jerks to her yesterday. She didn’t come here to make friends. Just once I want someone to say that’s why they’re here. Jen is doing a take on pork and beans. Interesting. Eli of course thinks he is better.

Tom time! Ash tells Tom he is finally cooking his own style of food. Michael seems recovered from the bottom. Mike has a ton of work to do. Well, that was fun.

Mike thinks he has done 7 or 8 different cuisines, and he says that he brings something no one else does. Then he says that he wants to win, as if no one else does. Bryan and Michael fight over the saran wrap. Kevin thinks that Michael is messing with his brother on purpose to break him.
Out at the event the chefs will have one hour to prep. And it’s outside. For some reason Michael feels like this is the first event. They keep everyone outside the venue, somehow, because when the event starts there is just a huge line. Eli says no one cares what you’re doing, they just want food.

Padma brings over Tom, Gail Cowan (editor of Food and Wine magazine), Toby, and Charlie. Michael: root beer braised pork cheeks, with a cherry sauce. Yum. And truffle butter. It works very well with the wine. Ash: chilled pork tenderloin with cherry and corn salad. The pork is clammy and overcooked. The wine is too big for it. Eli: braised pork belly with a mirepoix and fennel. Sadly they love it, although Charlie thinks it doesn’t pair that well with the wine. Kevin: pork leg pate, mushroom salad and pickled cherries. And a dressing? He also used some hazelnut, because he’s been to the winery that made the wine he is serving, and they have hazelnut trees. That is a cool detail. The judges love all of it as it is well thought out. Mike: stuffed pork shoulder, ground up with bulgur wheat and stuffed with proscuitto, dates, and pine nuts, over orange blossom yogurt. There is a lot of orange. Bryan: braised pork spare ribs over a parsnip puree. It seems very good. Jen: braised pork belly, with a tomato, apple, black olive, and celery salad. The pork belly was braised in soy sauce. It’s delicious, but I‘m not sure how it‘s pork and beans. Laurine: pork butt rillettes on an arugula salad, with a golden raisin and pearl onion chutney. Dana doesn’t like the texture. The chutney is good but the rillette is poor. Robin: brined center cut pork chop, stuffed with a sweet potato, apple, and fennel roulade (that’s what she said) and a sour cherry coffee demi-glace. Holy crap that sounds fantastic. Toby says it’s slimy and it looks like she cut the pork chops too thin so you don’t get a sense of “pork”. Sad. I would order that from the description.

Winners today are Michael, Bryan, Kevin, and Jen. They must tell the contestants to look concerned when they come in. either that or they call the losers first sometimes to change things up. Because everyone always looks serious. Michael took some daring risks but everything came together. Jen served the lightest pork belly that Charlie says he’s had. Toby says she had an extra challenge because she was serving the first European pinot that they’d had that evening (as opposed to American pinot). Toby likens it to a hairy armpit vs. a shaved armpit, as Tom puts his head on the table in shame. Kevin hit all the right flavors in his wine so it was a successful pairing. Bryan’s dishes tasted of pork and the wine was perfect. The winner is Kevin. Props for winning with such a simple dish. He also wins a spot to cook for Pigs and Pinot next year. He shows everyone his pig tattoo. Oh calm down, it’s on his arm.

There’s lackluster clapping for Kevin when he returns, and then Michael calls Ash, Laurine, and Robin. Eli and Mike talk about how the judges should make the “right” decision, which in my opinion would be a double elimination of the two of them but obviously that isn’t going to happen. Someone calls him on that, making him name names, and Michael at least tries to relate it to how her food wasn’t up to par. Mike doesn’t care about her food. Robin stands by her dish. Toby thinks there wasn’t enough of it, and Robin finds something luscious about a thin piece of meat. Huh? Tom says it was supposed to be about the pork. The sauce was gummy, and she needs to be honest about how that dish was not great. Ash is a little bit surprised, but after learning what everyone else made, he started thinking he might be too simple. There were no developed flavors and the wine needed more than was in the dish. He explains how he was going to do something else, but he’s an idiot. This is not new for Ash. Tom calls him on it. Laurine was confident when she started, but she ran out of time. Charlie asks her how she made her rillette, and she starts talking about braising in chicken stock, but Charlie interrupts her to say that’s not how you make a rillette. Ooo. You’re supposed to poach it in fat.

Back in the Stew Room Ash says “Oh! I forgot flavor!” Hee. Robin’s dish didn’t have any pork flavor and didn’t pair with the wine at all. Her sauce was like coffee dregs, according to Toby, but not just coffee dregs. Instant coffee dregs. Ash’s dish was amateurish and boring. And the flavors weren’t developed. Tom tells the other judges that Ash told him this was his food now. Laurine’s idea would never have worked and ended up terrible.

Commercial interlude: Eli pretends to be the only one in the house with balls because he stood up to Robin, and Michael tells him that was flirting. Michael says he’s a little kid. Eli tells Jen the story about how he was so awesome by telling Robin she wasn’t his mother, and Michael pipes up “Then they had sex.” Hee. Bryan is like, really? Seriously? Michael continues to needle him and it’s awesome.

I see 61% of viewers find Robin more annoying than Eli. I disagree.

Tom reminds the bottom 3 why their dishes were horrid, and then Padma sends Ash home. Aww, he was cool, but he’s kind of failed the past couple weeks. He knows he should have done his original dish, which he will be serving at his restaurant as soon as he gets back. And he’ll invite everyone, but maybe not Padma. Heh.

Next week: Restaurant Wars! Somehow Michael and Bryan get on the same team. Robin tells someone to leave her dish alone, Jen is behind, etc. Clicky clicky