Holiday leftovers

I'm at home until after New Year's, but it doesn't matter anyway because there's no new episode of "Top Chef" this week. Instead they're showing that "Holiday Special" and carefully not telling anyone that it's the same special as last year. Which is fun because I already recapped it. So enjoy, and happy holidays! Clicky clicky

Top Chef 12/17/08--"12 Days of Christmas" summary

Previously on Top Chef: the infamous tasting challenge had contestants tasting sauces and naming different ingredients. Sadly they were allowed to name things like salt. In spite of that, Hosea won himself immunity with his tongue (dirty!). The elimination challenge forced everyone to cater Gail’s wedding shower, and also to use the themes of “old”, “new”, “borrowed”, and “blue” just for our amusement. I thought the best use of the theme was the “old” team, who used heirloom tomatoes to make a trio of classic dishes: terrene, gazpacho, and carpaccio. But the “borrowed” team won because they made Indian food that was spiced just right, and Ariane did nothing but cook the meat and she still won. I get that the meat was perfect, and Jamie’s tantrum wasn’t very flattering, but it still seemed odd. Team “blue” was too boring, but the “new” team had very odd food that was unexplained, and everything Daniel did (like add mushrooms to Carla’s salad without her knowledge) made the dish worse. Then he refused to admit the dish was terrible, so the judges sent him home. Oh, and apparently Hosea and Leah are dating in real life, so that would explain the producers adding in Hosea last week saying that they are both involved and are just friends. (click for more)

You know, I just noticed this episode is called “12 Days of Christmas” but there are only 11 chefs left. What’s up with that, Bravo? You could have had another challenge like the 7 deadly sins dinner. Which I am totally doing when I get a bunch of money to hire awesome caterers. (Kmanpat: “As am I.”)

Ariane is feeling awesome because she’s won the past two challenges and she’s going to keep it simple. Eugene tells us he’s self taught and he knows how close he was to going home. Fabio and Stefan interview together about how they are “The Euros” and Stefan jokes about how he found a shoe up his ass this morning--is it Tom’s or Padma’s? Wasn’t Stefan on a winning team? Fabio wants to do better. He and Stefan are going to beat everyone else and then duke it out. Stefan carves a face in a watermelon. Hosea calls his sister and to ask about his dad, who was diagnosed with cancer right before he went on the show. Dad is doing OK. He wants to do well because this is something positive in his life.

The Top Chef kitchen is decorated for Christmas, despite people being in shorts and the fact that there is fruit everywhere so you know it’s the summertime. Padma greets everyone with “Happy Holidays!” and I think I detect eye-rolling. She tries to make them feel bad for the home cook who is trying to make a feast, etc. The Quickfire today is to make one of those feasts that can be cooked in one pot. Interesting. Radhika tells us she usually uses 10 pots to make one dish. The guest judge today is someone that knows something about one pot cooking oh and then MARTHA STEWART walks in! Woo! I mean, I knew she was going to be on, but still. And how many people feared for Rachel Ray right then? If anyone was going to make Christmas dinner in one pot, it’d be her. I would have had to throw the laptop at the TV. Leah describes her as “bad-ass”. “Bad-ass”? She tells them to make it simple but not too simple and she also loves one pot things.

Everyone gets 45 minutes to cook. Jamie is making scallops. Hosea is going to make paella. Jeff says some people are cooking something, then taking it out of the pot and making something else. He’s going to make potato risotto? I’m not sure. Ariane tells us that she makes cauliflower puree and let’s kids think it’s mashed potatoes. She and Jamie talk about how they are totally friends and Jamie doesn’t hate Ariane for winning last week. Jamie doesn’t even really say anything except that she thinks she’s more innovative than Ariane. Fabio was a bad boy when he was 6 (hee) so his grandmother made him stir polenta for hours to keep him out of trouble. Hee. Eugene has stew. See, to me “one pot” says that one pot gets dirty. Otherwise, why didn’t I just use multiple pans and cook everything at once? Stew, soup, something like that. Or a casserole.

Eugene: spicy Korean stew with pork and mushrooms, cilantro sour cream and won ton chips. Martha kind of is aloof. Stefan: veal Celtic goulash with potatoes and chanterelle mushrooms. He and Martha discuss mushrooms. This was really one pot. Hosea: paella with seafood, chicken and chorizo. Yum. It appears the chefs have to display their one pot next to their dish. Melissa: pork tenderloin with braised cabbage, apple, bacon, and orange and fennel salad. That sounds good but not one pot. Jeff: potato risotto with crispy pork and sautéed brussel sprouts. Lots of vinegar. The potatoes are cut small, like Arborio rice, which is why he called it “risotto“. Jamie: potato and kale stew with scallops and fried sage. Jamie pretends that scallops say “winter” for her and Martha starts talking about diving for scallops in Maine in January? I hope she is kidding and messing with Jamie. Ariane: cauliflower puree with herb rubbed filet mignon. She says you can make the puree beforehand. Carla: brined turkey breast with apple and dried cherry stuffing. Fabio: roasted mushroom polenta with seared duck breast. Yummy.

Martha calls out Jeff for having heavy starchy “risotto”, and also Eugene’s stew because it wasn’t as good as she wanted it to be and she didn’t like that he used cornstarch to thicken it. He didn’t have time to do it properly, though. And isn’t risotto starchy by definition? Fabio’s polenta was grayish and she didn’t like it either. He’s not happy. The paella was really one pot and tasted good, Jamie’s scallop was perfect (I guess Martha wasn’t kidding) and Ariane’s beef was cooked well and the puree was smooth and rich tasting. Winner gets an autographed copy of one of her books, and she presents it to Ariane. Jamie pouts again. I…just don’t get why they love her. I mean, I don’t think she is horrid, but I don’t get why she’s always winning.

Elimination challenge! Martha leaves so I guess she won’t be guest judge. Sad. The contestants will be catering a dinner for amfAR, the American Foundation for AIDS Research. Hors d’oeuvres for 300 guests. Padma is calling in help, which appears as the Harlem Gospel Choir. Kick ass. The looks on the contestants’ faces are hilarious, because everyone is like, WTF? Except Carla. They have to draw knives for the theme. Stefan draws “12” and one of the gospel singers sings “12 drummers drumming” and Stefan is like, um…OK. No. No, they are not. Are they? Did I totally call the theme? As each person draws a knife someone sings the corresponding line from the song. I did call the theme. So which one is missing? How can you do this theme and leave out one line of the song?!?!?! Natasha Richardson and Michelle Bernstein will be guest judging. They’ll have 3 hours to prep. Carla cannot compute.

HAHAHAHA the Top Chef video game. (Kmanpat: “Don’t you own the Hell’s Kitchen game?” Me: ”…Only because I thought Ramsey would curse at me. Also, shut up.”)

They’ve got $800 for shopping. Carla (2) kind of freaks out. Hosea (11) is walking around in shorts so I know it’s not winter in New York. He’s smoking something. Protein, I mean, not smoking other substances. Jeff (10) wants to find frog legs but he’s having trouble doing it. Somehow he’s doing cheese or something. I believe it’s Greek cheeses and he’s thinking island hopping. Stefan (12) wants to do chicken pot pie? For 12 drummers drumming? His first Christmas in America he had pot pie, so that’s what he associates with Christmas. Leah (3) is keeping it safe with seared hens. Fabio (9) can’t think of what to do with ladies dancing that is somehow food related and his thought process is dancingàlegsàcrab. Ariane (6) also has it easy, like Leah, so she’s thinking of deviled eggs with 6 different toppings.

For some reason a lot of people have bought flowers, so I guess they had to get decorations too. 3 hours to prep and get everything ready. Jamie (7) is making scallops. Melissa (8) has toast points, steak, and cheese. Radhika (1) has duck instead of partridge. And chutney. Eugene (5) is making ceviche, Tahitian style, on top of pineapple rings. He thinks he’ll go home if he doesn’t do a good job. Hosea smokes up the kitchen with his pork because there’s a lot of marinade. Jeff has a lot of steps and prep work, so he feels superior. There are a lot of people working and shoving things in the fridge. Hosea notes that a lot of people are putting hot food in the refrigerators, which you’re not supposed to do but because of the time crunch they’re all doing it. That sounds ominous.

In case you were wondering, the day that is missing is day 4, calling birds. Which is an easy one, because you can get some quail. I can’t decide if eliminating an easy one is sad or not. One week earlier, Bravo. Way to screw that up.

In the morning Fabio is writing a story about his dish, and Hosea teases him about it. Hosea is pretty confident. Once they get to the kitchen, cursing ensues because one of the fridges has been left open overnight. Hosea has to throw out his pork, which is 70 degrees. All of Radhika’s duck is bad too. Damn. Jamie promises to help Radhika, who is freaking out and crying. Melissa’s cheese melted, but that’s all she had in there, and she’s found some more. Carla and Eugene are determined to help Hosea and Radhika, who are finding other meat from the kitchens and scrambling. Jamie talks about the “Christmas spirit”. Even Stefan helps, because that’s what you do in a kitchen and he doesn’t want to beat people because the fridge broke. That was nice of everyone. Good thing the Top Chef pantry was well stocked.

The poll this week is: Who would you want to get caught under the mistletoe with? Ariane, Fabio, Leah, or Jeff. OK, so I don’t see two very important answers, which are Tom and Padma, because you know there are a lot of people who want to answer one of those right now. I personally will answer Hosea. (Kmanpat: *singing* “Long have I waited for your coming home to me...”)

Everyone gets to the venue and starts setting up and cooking on hot plates. Radhika is relieved that her duck is cooked. People start to appear and schmooze. Stefan lusts after the judges. Natasha Richardson says a few words and then asks everyone to pin their red ribbons by their favorite dish.

Stefan: creamy chicken pot pie with English peas, white asparagus, thyme and parsley. It looks like the filling on a plate, with a round biscuit of puff pastry on top as the drum. With drumsticks inside, har har. Actually that’s not a bad interpretation of that theme. Everyone likes it. Radhika: braised duck leg with toasted brioche, pear chutney and toasted pistachios. Radhika likes this dish, and a lot of other people seem to like it too. Carla: braised chicken with duxelles and a mushroom cap. She says the mushroom cap is like the back of the turtle. It’s kind of salty and one note. Carla notices Kenneth Cole and jokes about shoes. Note to future contestants: mushroom duxelles doesn’t usually go over well. Eugene: poisson cru (the Tahitian ceviche) with a pineapple ring and a gold Yukon potato chip. He’s got a whole story about people sailing the islands and that being called “the golden ring”. The judges complain that it’s very sweet and they doubt that he tasted it. Fabio: sweet corn and roasted pepper crab cake, with chipotle and lime aioli and coleslaw. He tells the judges that the female crabs dance around their eggs to bury them in sand. They think it’s greasy and dense. Jamie: crudo (raw salad) of sea scallops “swimming” in vichyssoise with lemon agrumato (olive oil), leeks, and micro greens. Oo, it’s raw and not cold. Someone calls it slimy.

Melissa: gorgonzola and NY strip steak on sourdough crostini with cranberry vinaigrette. All you can taste is the cheese. Leah: braised guinea hen with butternut squash puree over puff pastry. The puff pastry is too dry and it drags it down. Ariane: deviled eggs 6 ways. Crab salad, smoked salmon and dill, roasted pepper, balsamic and basil, crispy caper, and traditional. I think those are the six; she read them off pretty fast. They are good, but Tom and Padma are confused and kind of insulted that she’d try to win with deviled eggs. Hosea: smoked pork loin with chipotle mashed potatoes and apple brandy jus. Everyone really likes it. People are pinning ribbons all over the board and table and Hosea’s sleeves. Leah is jealous. Jeff: seared halloumi and kasseri cheeses with roasted beets, pears, mint, and spices. There is a big line and it seems to be just as popular as Hosea’s. everyone discusses their favorites. The judges do acknowledge that the chefs had a hard time, with the time constraint and not working in teams. Everyone has some champagne and toasts “Merry Christmas“.

Padma comes to collect Hosea, Radhika, Jeff, and Stefan. Interesting that the two people most screwed by the warm fridge are among the best. Radhika lets the judges in on the situation this morning. Her duck legs were juicy enough to stand up to the toast. Stefan’s pot pie was done well, without mushy vegetables, although it might have been a little better with sausage or something. Jeff’s table got a lot of ribbons. He might have used less cheese, but the mixture of spices and nuts was memorable. Hosea was less pleased with the pork loin he had to use, but he was still happy with it. Natasha announces that the person who got the most ribbons, and the judges’ choice, is Hosea. Yay! He’s very pleased to have come back from disaster. He wins Michelle Bernstein’s new book, although, since everyone pitched in to help him and Radhika, she’s giving her new book to everyone. He says he couldn’t have done it without everyone else.

The Loser Gong brings in Eugene, Melissa, and Jamie. Jamie liked her dish, although her scallops were lukewarm. Everything was, and since the scallop was supposed to be raw, it needed to be ice cold. Jamie scrambles and says she was in the weeds, and thought everything was on ice for long enough. Michelle tells her that if she had seared her scallop, it would have been a nice contrasting texture and not as slimy. Tom thinks she should have done ceviche. Melissa’s dish only tasted like cheese, not steak nor cranberry, and it was also room temperature so it just coated your tongue. Melissa said she had lots of people come back for seconds and thirds, but Padma tells her that she had one of the lowest numbers of ribbons. Eugene’s dish was very sweet, and you could only taste coconut and sweet. He responds that he didn’t even put sugar into the batch that the judges got, and that it tasted tart to him. Tom retorts that with the coconut and the pineapple, the fish never had a chance. Eugene still keeps on about how he stands behind his dish 1000%, but then we find that he only got 8 ribbons (out of 300 guests). Maybe possibly something is wrong. He needed to fix it if people didn’t like it.

Michelle really didn’t like Jamie’s scallop. She should have seared it. Eugene refuses to see that his dish wasn’t good, and refuses to try to fix it. And we know that Daniel went home for that last week. Melissa’s dish was all cheese, although her cranberry sauce was a good idea. It just wasn’t made well. Sadly all the food was kind of sub-par and Tom didn’t think any of the dishes were worth seconds. He wants to talk to everyone so the people who didn’t get called out will also know what’s going on. Natasha reminds everyone that they all stepped up to help Hosea and Radhika, so that would be something to keep in mind.

Everyone is hanging out in the Stew Room when Tom walks in. Everyone looks freaked out. He sits down and says that no one’s food was inspiring and everyone has to step up. Cook the food that you think will make you win. Leah tells him that although not amazing, no one’s food sucked. Except that Tom wants them to make amazing food, not throwaway dishes. Leah responds, “Like mine?” and Tom says, basically, yeah. Everyone needs to focus on what will get them the win. Because everyone pulled together to help Hosea and Radhika out, and “in the spirit of the holidays”, no one is going home. There is no reaction, which I think just shows how exhausted everyone is.

Next week: Tom comes into the apartments and tells them no limit today: cook whatever you want. Gail is gone and the new judge is pretty harsh. Jamie makes scallops and someone mocks her for always making scallops, but they obviously never watched the Miami season.
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Top Chef 12/10/08--"Gail's Bridal Shower" summary

Previously on Top Chef: Breakfast is not the strong suit of many of the chefs. Neither is amuse bouche. Leah wins the Quickfire breakfast amuse bouche challenge, and then the chefs have to make up presentations suitable for live television, because image is important. And it’s not like they’re on a popular basic cable program or anything. Ariane wins this one, with a nice salad. She’s chosen by the hosts of the Today Show. Some people think it was a cop-out, that she should have done something more complicated, but Rocco did tell them to do something simple. I can’t believe I’m agreeing with Rocco. Alex tried to make crème brulee in an hour, which did not happen, and ended up out. He didn’t care as much as the other people, because he went home and got married. (click for more)

Melissa is contemplating her wake-up call of being in the bottom. Ariane is regaining her confidence. Stefan seems to have made Jamie a present, consisting of shorts for a stuffed animal of hers that he made out of a dishtowel. She wonders if he understands the word “lesbian”.

Padma greets everyone alone today. She explains that the contestants will be the ones doing the tasting today. Radhika’s eyes bug out. Why is that so disturbing, that you will be doing the tasting? Padma starts talking about palate, which clues us in that this will be the blind taste test Quickfire. Jamie is confident in her palate. Everyone draws knives, but suddenly Hosea draws the same number as Daniel. Huh? Stefan gets paired with Jamie…ugh. So each pair will taste a sauce, and then go head-to-head to identify ingredients. Last chef standing wins.

They have 15 seconds to taste the sauce, and then Hosea (because he won the coin toss) will tell Padma how many ingredients he thinks he can identify. A chyron tells us this is shrimp and lobster bouillabaisse. Hosea says 4, but then Daniel says 4 also. Padma tells him he has to go one higher, so he calls Hosea’s bluff. So this is like Name That Tune? Hosea names onion, shrimp, lemon, and carrot. All are correct, so Hosea wins. Ariane and Jeff are up next, with the same sauce. However, he names crab so he loses. Ariane tells us there are 30 ingredients. Wow. Jamie vs. Stefan. She thinks he is a button pusher. Sadly he wins that challenge. In interview he makes disturbing whipping noises and talks about ass whupping. Eugene thinks there is fish sauce so Leah beats him. Fabio lets Radhika get away with only naming 3 ingredients, which of course she can do. Carla vs. Melissa (in a backwards trucker hat). Carla wins easily.

Round 2: Thai green curry. Yum. Hosea vs. Ariane. She makes him name 7 ingredients which he has absolutely no trouble doing. Stefan vs. Leah. He says he is always confident. Stefan goes for 8, and gets them, and smirks. Leah is pissed. Carla vs. Radhika. Radhika goes for 7 but names chili powder so she’s out.

Round 3 is Carla vs. Stefan vs. Hosea. They’ll all taste the sauce and then take turns naming ingredients until they can’t anymore. This is like an old game show I used to watch, where you first answered food trivia questions, and then the last two people tasted a dish and took turns naming ingredients. But I can’t remember the name! (Kmanpat: *shrugs*) the sauce is Mexican mole sauce. Carla is up first and names peanut butter. Sigh. Stefan and Hosea go back and forth for a while until Stefan names tomato paste which is also wrong. Hosea names one more ingredient and wins! Yay! He talks about how Stefan is a tough competitor. (P.S., I agree with Lee Anne that allowing the contestants to name things like salt and oil was lame.)

Now it is time for the elimination challenge. Everyone starts drawing knives--which say “old”, “new”, “borrowed”, and “blue”. HAHA! Awesome. Ariane thinks it might be a wedding. Radhika would rather be on Satan’s team than Stefan’s team. Hee. Padma is throwing a bridal shower…for Gail. HA again! Not only does everyone have to satisfy Gail, but they have to follow the silly theme! (Side note: we extended this idea to “Project Runway”. Designers, you must make an outfit for Nina Garcia. Wouldn’t that be the best episode ever?) Gail lets them know it’s 40 women, who love to eat, and also that she doesn’t really like veal or black beans. They’d better not make her eggs either. Girl is picky about her eggs. She wants to impress her friends, because many of them are from the magazine. So, no pressure. See, I knew they’d have to cook for Gail, and that was awesome then. The themes make it doubly awesome.

Ariane, Radhika, and Jamie are Team Borrowed. Jamie’s decided they’ll do something Indian that Radhika “borrowed” from her mother and Jamie “borrowed” from another chef she knows. She’s brought some excellent secret ingredients. Radhika is worried the judges will get bored with her Indian cooking, and she wants to use her ingredients in a new way. Um…so “borrow” some Indian ingredients for another culture’s dish. Team Blue is Melissa, Fabio, and Leah. Leah wonders if figs are blue. Fabio knows this is the hardest category, so instead of thinking blue foods he’s thinking blue theme for the dish. Daniel, Carla, and Eugene, Team Something New, are going with pickles, because Daniel is insisting that Gail loves pickles. Carla asks if pickles are new. That is not new. Eugene wants to put a new spin on sushi, with tempura shrimp and filet mignon. Interesting. Carla is nervous. She’s doubting everyone’s ideas but she hasn’t clearly stated what she thinks is “new”, and she knows it. The last team is Jeff, Hosea, and Stefan, who are Team Something Old. They are talking heirloom tomato salad, carpaccio, and fried green tomatoes. Wow. That’s actually a really good idea. Someone suggests sorbet, which Stefan immediately shoots down on account of he’s a caterer and knows not to do sorbet. While some would see this as a good thing, Hosea is annoyed that Stefan is bossing everyone around. Jeff says that Stefan causes major issues whenever he’s on a team. Jeff still wants to do sorbet, and promises Stefan that if his sorbet melts he’ll take the flack.

Shopping time! They have 30 minutes and $800. People buy various things. Carla explains her “Hootie-hoo” call that she and her husband use to find each other. Kind of like Marco Polo. She’s shouting “Hootie” in the store but I’m not sure she told the rest of her team about that. Stefan is trying to run the show but Hosea is being stubborn. Stefan feels the pressure of Hosea’s immunity. They argue about tomatoes and whether Hosea can make soup out of them.

2 ½ hours tonight to prep. Jamie says they’re going third, so I guess they’re using the saying to set the order. Team Borrowed is making lamb, carrots, and kale, all with an Indian flair. Radhika seems determined to make Indian food that doesn’t scream “Indian food”. Carla makes fried wonton bowls for salad. Team New is making Asian food. Daniel is making BBQ sauce, but they didn’t say what it’s going on top of. Eugene’s rice cooker makes noises when it’s done. Hee. The Blue team is making sea bass, corn puree, and swiss chard. Which…is supposed to reference the ocean, with the sea bass. I guess. I don’t really get it. Old Team is making terrines with tomato, carpaccio, and gazpacho. Hosea wants to win, but he’s taking a back seat because he’s got immunity. Eugene starts cursing because his rice is too sticky, because it’s an unfamiliar rice cooker. Oops.

Right on cue Tom shows up to bother everyone. He goes to Fabio and Melissa first, to point out to them that truly blue food does not exist in nature. Thanks, Tom. The sea bass is crusted with blue corn flour, so that’s something anyway. Jamie says “flava”. Sigh. Ariane is making the lamb, and she’s going to stand by the oven and watch it cook if that‘s what it takes. She‘s actually not making the sauce or marinade for the lamb, just making sure it‘s cooked right. The New team describes their dishes and in the background is Seinfeld-style music. It lends an air of incompetence. Stefan reveals that he was married twice. To the same woman. Somehow I’m not surprised. Tom tells all of us that the Blue team is boring and New team is out there and will either be spectacular or horrible.

Eugene has salvaged his rice by making it “chili pepper sticky rice”. How does that keep it from being too sticky? Melissa knows her team’s dish has no pizzazz. Hosea is worried that Stefan’s terrene won’t turn out, because they can’t taste it before they serve it.

Back at the apartments, Eugene is describing his latest idea, which is to have the guests build their own sushi rolls. Curiously, Daniel is lifting dumbbells, in his chef’s jacket, while he talks to Eugene. Daniel likes Eugene‘s idea. This seems like a lot of work and messy for something as fancy as bridal showers tend to be. Stefan appears to poke holes in Eugene’s idea, and I realized I agreed with him but then he said that women don’t want to make their own food, and he doesn’t even like to do that. A very interesting statement coming from A CHEF. Eugene (rightly) tells him not to worry about his dish.

Another commercial clip. Stefan bugs Jamie and Carla. Jamie harasses him about having the hots for a lesbian while Stefan tries to get her to kiss him. Ew. That just makes him look like the worst kind of jerk.

In the morning Leah flirts with Hosea. He says they’re just friends since they’re both involved with other people. Uh, that’s not what she said a few weeks ago. Fabio wants to do well so as not to piss off the bride. Pretty much everyone is talking about their own weddings/spouses and how important this is.

The venue is huge and opulent, with one giant long table for all 40 guests. Personally I hate putting a big group at a long table, because you can’t talk to or hear everyone, and someone always ends up stuck in between conversations and left out. Team Old rushes to get set up. Hosea hopes they impress everyone. Padma makes a great toast to Gail about how they all love her. Tom shows up to the kitchen and lets everyone know that as a man, he got sent to the kitchen. Hee. Fabio likens it to being a priest with the Pope there. Stefan snits about the sorbet. As Hosea comes out to serve, he’s shaking so bad his mike picks up the shot glass rattling on the plate. He’s impressed he didn’t drop anything. Padma introduces Dana Cowin, who is Editor-In-Chief of Food and Wine Magazine, and the guest judge. Jeff: sliced Purple Cherokee tomato with tomato sorbet, Hosea: gazpacho with mint and cucumber salsa, Stefan: terrene with tomato and basil and eggplant around the outside. Everything looks good, except that the eggplant is kind of a muddy brown color. Someone likes the sorbet. Hee. Tom eats the whole thing, and Stefan calls it “my plate”. Gail’s favorite was the sorbet.

Team New preps their DIY sushi and salad. Daniel is soaking mushrooms, because he thinks it’ll be nice surprise in the bottom of the wonton salad bowl. He hasn’t told Carla about it, so when she sees him she’s annoyed. But she doesn’t stop him. There are a lot of things going on. Daniel thinks this is new, and I guess it is if you’re looking at the idea of grazing, but then he uses the word “splooge” so I must deduct points. Because, ew. Daniel then thinks the women will be so excited they’ll take off their clothes. Eugene: explains the idea that sushi can be cooked, and talks about the shrimp. Daniel: beef skewers with peach-miso barbeque sauce. Daniel also explains the yuzu sorbet, and how a sorbet is used to cleanse your palate. Which I’m sure everyone here already knows. Carla doesn’t get to talk about her salad. Eugene realizes he never explained how to eat the dish. Yeah…that will be a problem. He basically says the same thing in confessional. A lot of people try to eat the salad by hand, by picking up the wonton bowl and crunching it. The shrimp was cold and there’s nothing sushi-ish here. Someone tells Gail they hope she has a better new venture.

Jamie is still frustrated that she’s never won anything. Ariane tries to plan how much time it will take to cook her lamb, and she can’t count up the time, I guess, and it ends up too rare. Both Jamie and Radhika freak out, and they try to start plating before the lamb is out, but everyone actually chips in and helps them put an assembly line together to get everything out in time. That was sweet. Ariane: Indian spiced lamb, Jamie: vadouvan-scented carrot puree, Radhika: cucumber raita (sauce) and the marinade for the lamb. It sounds great. Dana is happy it’s well cooked. Everyone loves all of it. All the parts of the dish went together and Gail is happy.

Melissa knows her fate if Gail doesn’t like their food. Leah thinks the fish needs seasoning but then she says she trusts Fabio. It’s not very exciting. Fabio lets us know that the girls on his team told him to talk so he’d charm everyone, so of course he starts out by telling everyone how beautiful they are. Hee. Roasted corn with swiss chard and on top, Chilean sea bass with a blue corn crust. He claims that green and yellow “in the light spectrum” come out blue, which is so not true. Gail tells everyone that Chilean sea bass isn’t very politically correct. Someone calls it old people food. Not very bold flavors. Gail thanks everyone for coming.

Padma calls out Team Old and Team Borrowed as the top teams. Everyone praises Jeff for the sorbet while Stefan looks pissed. The carrots were subtle but very tasty, so good for Jamie. Ariane admits that there was some pressure about the lamb being cooked, but it turned out really well. Dana does the usual suspense-building pause, talking about how the winner was the person who was responsible for the most flavorful thing that evening. The editors cut in a shot of Jamie right here, whispering to Ariane that she really wants this win. I hope she didn’t say that in front of Dana Cowin while she’s announcing the winner. And that winner is…Ariane? She’s just as shocked as I am. She wins some Calphalon cookware and gadgetry, but she says she’s upset that Jamie didn’t win. In the Stew Room, Ariane asks Jamie not to be mad at her. Jamie says she’s not mad, but then claims that everyone expected her to win. I doubt that, if only because Stefan wouldn’t think so.

Loser gong! Eugene finally explains his dish, and admits that he forgot to do that during the shower. He also explains how he tried to use the rice that didn’t turn out, and Dana tells him that his added ingredients didn’t hide the mushy rice. Oops. Padma then asks Carla if she was happy with the dish her team sent out, which seems an odd and terribly pointed question. She admits she wasn’t really, and Eugene says he wasn’t, but Daniel liked it. Padma asks about the mushrooms, and Daniel speaks up and claims them. Eventually they get it straightened out that Carla made the salad, but Daniel put the mushrooms on it, and Carla didn’t taste them (which shocks everyone, oo) but Daniel did. Tom tells him they sucked and do you still like the dish? And Daniel says he does. Thankfully we move on to Team Blue. Leah thinks they were creative about working in the theme, but the dish lacked texture and was all kind of mushy. Tom says it was blue because it made him sad. It’s the opposite of Team New, who tried to do something all weird and failed. This team played it safe, even though Fabio thinks cooking fish perfectly for 40 people is tricky. Tom rolls his eyes because Chilean sea bass is pretty forgiving. Fabio starts to argue but decides against it.

Team Blue was too simple, and Tom asks if you would put that dish on your new restaurant’s menu. But Team New was indefensible, and all of them made big mistakes. Carla’s salad was the (very brief) highlight of the dish, which is pretty sad. Gail could tell she was stewing and wanted to speak up but was worried about the integrity of the team. Of course they all think she should have spoken up. Daniel did tiny things that all failed and on top of that, he actually liked the dish. Eugene made so many mistakes it worries the judges, and also Gail points out she doesn’t want to eat bad rice, no matter how many things you put in it.

Tom knows the judges were harsh, but this was personal. Team Blue was boring, and if they continue this way, they’re going to be out. Tom dismisses them. Team New had poor conception and poor execution. Eugene overcooked both the rice and the shrimp, Carla knew things were going wrong and didn’t speak up, Daniel contributed a lot of useless things and wasted his time. Tom tells them flat out that he wanted to send all three of them home, but in the end only Daniel goes home. He of course thinks he shouldn’t have been sent home at all because the judges don’t get him. He also offers that he could have thrown people under the bus he could have stuck around longer. Who were you going to throw under the bus? Then there is a football analogy, about when the refs don’t call a penalty that all the fans saw, or something. I guess what he’s trying to say is, it’s someone else’s fault I’m going home but I’m not going to say who.

Next week: MARTHA STEWART TIME!!!!!!! Someone’s food gets ruined, I’m not sure why, but it looks like Hosea and Radhika which worries me a lot. Bravo makes everyone pretend it’s Christmas 6 months early.
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pie

There was a "cable related issue in my area". I don't remember the exact wording, which is unfortunate because it was entertaining double-speak. This means I missed the first half of "Pushing Daisies" which is sad because, CANCELLED! Such a fun show...so snuggly...bastards. We should send ABC pie. It worked for "Jericho". At least we can comfort ourselves with the fact that 2 half seasons makes a very nice DVD. Clicky clicky

TAR13, Recap Leg 11, 12/7/08

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on The Adventures of an Amazing Fanny Pack, teams raced from around the city of Moscow, where Dandrew danced their way into the final three when Dallas left the passports in a cab. And now, after all the craziness of the race, we have three teams, consisting of the Evans family and Dandrew. Woot. This is going to be anti-climactic. Anyway, who will win the Amazing Race 13? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Nick/Starr, Team HSM! *jazz hands*
2nd – Andrew/Dan, Team Superbad
3rd – Ken/Tina, Team Mom and Dad Evans

Nazkuchny Sad Park, Moscow, Russia

10:56 PM Nick/Starr (1st)
Clue: Fly 5000 miles to your final destination city, Portland, Oregon, USA! Then, take a taxi to Tilikum Adventure Camp to get your next clue.

2:28 AM Dan/Andrew (2nd) – Dan: “We deserve to be here.” On what planet? I mean, really. The team that has finished next to last on just about every leg DESERVES to be in the final three? Not quite.
3:30 AM Ken/Tina (3rd)

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Andrew/Dan
3- Ken/Tina

Teams are now on the Amazing Yellow Line (Frankfurt: BOING!) as teams all get on the 7:05 departure to Portland though Frankfurt. Teams then arrive in Portland in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Dan/Andrew – who get a taxi driver who has no clue where he’s going. Great. And then there were two.

Teams now taxi to Tilikum and get the next clue in the following order:

1- Ken/Tina
2- Nick/Starr
3- Dan/Andrew

And now, we get the last Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
High and Dry OR Low and Slow

*High and Dry: Teams must climb 30 feet up a tree, one at a time, and then climb out a log 40 feet long to jump to a trapeze that has one-half of the clue. Once the team members retrieve both halves, they can get their next clue.
*Low and Slow: Teams must cross a floating log bridge 850 feet long to get their next clue.

1-Ken/Tina choose High and Dry
2-Nick/Starr choose High and Dry
3-Andrew/Dan choose High and Dry

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to the Bridge of the Gods and take a 2000 foot zip line to an island to get their next clue. Teams arrive and find the clue in the following order:

1- Ken/Tina
2- Nick/Starr
3- Andrew/Dan

It’s now time for the FINAL TASK. This time, each team gets a game board arranged in a pyramid format:
10(RB)
8(PS) 9(RI)
5(RB) 6(RI) 7(D)
1(RI) 2(D) 3(RB) 4(PS) (...Yeah...pretend it's a pyramid. -Toyouke)

Teams must open panels one at a time and discover whether they need to find the Route Info (RI), Detour (D), Roadblock (RB) or Pit Stop (PS) for the corresponding leg. In order to find this information, they must search a field of 150 Route Marker boxes to find the picture that corresponds to each event. Once each one is matched, they may move on to the next one. Once all ten are matched, they may go find the clue box with their next clue. The order is as follows:

1) Salvador, Brazil: Route Info, Vending Cart to Praça da Sé
2) Fortaleza, Brazil: Detour, Beach It
3) La Paz, Bolivia: Roadblock, The Fighting Cholitas
4) Auckland, New Zealand: Pit Stop, Phil’s Dad at Summerhill
5) Phnom Penh, Cambodia: Roadblock, Angkor Wat
6) New Dehli, India: Route Info, Doorman of Ambassador Hotel
7) Old Dehli, India: Detour, Bleary Eyed
8) Almaty, Kazakhstan: Pit Stop, Old Square
9) Moscow, Russia: Route Info, Monastery
10) Moscow, Russia: Roadblock, Park Iskusstv

And teams complete the fun in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan

Teams now take a taxi downtown to the Portland Building and find the green dinosaur in the Standard Plaza for their next clue. Teams find the dinosaur in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan

Teams now travel on foot to Alder Street Food Cart Park and find the cart representing the previous leg, ie, the Russian Food Cart (which, incidentally, is decked out in the race colors).

Teams find the cart in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan

Teams are now instructed to find the “magic is in the hole”, which refers to Voodoo Donuts, to get their next clue. I’ve been there, the donuts are fantastic. Teams get their clue in the following order:
1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan

Teams are now instructed to go to the finish line, Pittock Mansion.

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan

Nick and Starr, after 23 days, 5 continents and 40000, you are the winners of The Amazing Race 13! YAY! And Ken and Tina finish second, but Ken pulls out their wedding rings and asks Tina to get back together with him. AW!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Nick/Starr
2nd – Ken/Tina
3rd – Andrew/Dan
4th – Toni/Dallas
5th – Terence/Sarah
6th – Kelly/Christy
7th – Aja/Ty
8th – Marisa/Brooke
9th – Mark/Bill
10th – Anthony/Stephanie
11th – Anita/Arthur

And that’s it for this season! We’ll see you next time on the Amazing Race!

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Top Chef 12/3/08--"Today Show" summary

Previously on Top Chef: There was a “Thanksgiving” challenge that I’m sure took place in June or something. But before that it was a Quickfire that encouraged everyone to use the Top Chef Cookbook. Initially I laughed because I own that cookbook and I’m pretty sure you can’t make anything in there in only an hour. The best part is where they stopped everyone and the guest judge said, “I feel like soup,” in a totally non-chalant offhand way that was hilarious. Better than if they made Padma present the twist all serious. The only way it would be better is if they had the judge say, “We would prefer soup” with the royal “we”. The elimination challenge wasn’t that interesting (except that the Foo Fighters are actually, in real life, huge “Top Chef“ fans), although when I saw the outdoor “kitchen” I immediately shouted “Dinner: Impossible!” Robert Irvine would have been all over that. Adriane redeemed herself with her turkey but Richard’s banana s’mores weren’t very good so he was sent home. I personally always burn my marshmallows until they are totally black when I make s’mores, so I understand completely. Sorry there was no recap last week but I was at home eating comfort food. Oh, also I believe there was the coining of a new word: “parfail”. I’m pretty sure that came up. (click for more)

Ariane is pretty pleased to have redeemed herself and she’s hoping to keep it that way. Alex is missing his roommate Richard. Richard left him a note, which he reads aloud to Jamie and Carla. Everyone cries. The note consists of promising that Richard is his friend and also eff everyone else. Jamie has made a rainbow bracelet in honor of Team Rainbow, which no longer exists except for her.

The first thing I see when everyone arrives for the Quickfire is that bastard Rocco DiSpirito. He is like, a Jeff-Lewis-on-“Top-Design” level of annoying famewhore. Fabio makes me love him by reminding us that Rocco isn’t really Italian. The implication is that Fabio is inherently better. Padma kisses his ass as she introduces him. Then she says it’s time for breakfast, which makes me think of CJ and crepes. (Kmanpat: “CJ…*sigh*”) Jamie never eats breakfast and is mentioning Chef Boyardee. Never? Never ever? Their task is to make a breakfast amuse bouche. Actually, that’s pretty cool. They have 30 minutes and then Rocco will pick the winner. He says he loves bacon, and Padma says that everyone loves bacon. Yes they do.

Stefan says something but I can’t understand him at all. He’s taking the tops off quail eggs so I guess that’s what he was talking about. Jeff thinks this will be the only breakfast challenge they’ll have so he’s trying to do as much as he can. That…isn’t the point of an amuse bouche. Daniel has zucchini flowers and cornflakes, which is probably tasty but doesn’t make me think of breakfast. Ariane has stuffed French toast. Fabio says he loves brioche, fruit, and cappuccino for breakfast. That would be a good breakfast. Especially with Fabio. (Kmanpat: “Oo, Fabio can make brioche and CJ can make crepes!“) Melissa breaks her yolk. It looks like Carla doesn’t finish.

Melissa: French toast with eggs, strawberries, and bacon. Rocco loves it. Stefan: huevos rancheros, served in a quail egg. It looks cool. Radhika: potato cake with a poached egg and hollandaise. They don’t even put up a chyron. Daniel: the zucchini flower has potato bacon hash inside, with cornflake crust. The cornflakes are too sweet. Ariane: stuffed French toast, which is a pretty big piece for an amuse bouche. But it tastes good. Jamie: bacon, lettuce, and tomato breakfast sandwich with a poached egg. Rocco loves the layers. Leah complains that an amuse is supposed to be one bite and some people (like Jamie) have bigger portions. Jamie even has two bites! Gasp! Seriously, it’s not like Clay and the apple. Leah: bacon, quail egg, and cheese, with grilled bread. Padma says it’s the perfect size, and Leah brown-noses, all, well you said it was an amuse so I tried to make it one bite. That’s not going to make you friends, correct as it is. Fabio: brioche with bruleed banana and espresso cream. He says that too much bacon weighs you down, but the espresso cream is heavy, retorts Padma. Jeff: twice baked potato with bacon, and also yogurt sorbet. Rocco clarifies that these are two dishes, and Jeff is all…um…yes. He interviews that each one separately is one bite but together it’s too much.

Rocco of course lords it over everyone and says only a few people got both breakfast and amuse bouche together. Daniel’s cornflakes were overpowering. Fabio’s dish was too sweet, and Fabio knows he should have listened to the clue of “everyone loves bacon.” He says next time he’ll make some toast and put some BS with bacon and some eggs and he’ll probably be in the top 3. Stefan’s was more than one bite but the egg was perfect. Leah had the perfect bite. Padma leads him and asks if there is anyone else, and eventually Rocco says that Jamie’s was delicious also. He tells everyone that if he could pick two, he’d pick Jamie and Leah, but since he has to pick one he picks Leah. Somehow she wins a present, but it’s only a copy of his book so whatever. Jamie is pissed not to win, while Leah doesn’t want to embarrass herself.

Padma reminds everyone that they need to let people know about themselves, so that more people are aware of them and come try their food. Their Elimination challenge, therefore, is to show how they’d like to introduce themselves and their food to millions of television viewers. Oh, you mean like being on a competition reality show on a cable network? I know what’s coming, but seriously, that was the most irrelevant lead-in to this challenge. They must make a 2 ½ minute presentation, suitable for a live television spot. They’ll do their presentation one at a time for the judges in the kitchen. Winning has new major advantages. The recipe should be easy, so home cooks can make it, and they’ll be judged both on presentation and flavors. Fabio is understandably nervous.

Their budget is $100. Fabio heads straight for the tuna, and he somehow finangles his way behind the counter to cut it himself. Eugene is headed for an easy sushi recipe, and he also gets behind the counter to cut up fish. Hosea follows him. Can you do that? I mean, in real life, not when you’re being followed around by cameras and sound guys. Alex is proud of himself because he’s doing dessert, and he thinks he might almost get a free pass, simply because there’s no one to compare him to.

1 hour for prep. That’s all? Melissa is wondering if she has enough time to actually cook in her spot. Jeff has shrimp…something, I didn’t understand him. These guys have to make swap out dishes and I’m not sure they know how. Fabio doesn’t think Alex has enough time in an hour to make his crème brulee. Jamie’s been on TV before so she’s making the same thing she did before: frisee salad with a poached egg. She ominously says that the most important thing is to make sure that the egg gets cooked completely in her 2.5 minutes. Leah’s at a loss, but she’s making seared duck breast with blueberries. Radhika has shrimp, and she’s thinking a lot about her personality. Carla’s cooking soup. Ariane is making salad with tomatoes and watermelon, nice and simple. Daniel’s dreams are like Bobby Flay’s dreams. He’s making steak. If his goal is to be like Bobby Flay then why isn’t he on “Next Food Network Star”?

All the judges appear and hover around Ariane to stare at her. She stumbles over her introduction, and she doesn’t make that much eye contact. Her beefsteak tomato salad with watermelon and feta looks delicious though. Jamie: bitter greens salad with a poached duck egg, bacon lardoons, and caviar. She takes her egg out and realizes it’s not quite set up around the yolk. Her choices are to take it out now or go over her time limit so she takes the egg out of the pan. Judges have to scrape off the uncooked part. Oops. Alex: rose infused crème brulee. He fumbles a lot and runs out of time. As they taste the judges are shaking their heads, since it’s not set. Jeff: malfouf roll with shrimp and muhammara sauce. Everyone pretends like they have no idea what he’s talking about. Basically it looks like a lettuce leaf with shrimp inside and a red sauce. Fabio points out that you are supposed to aim for the TV audience, which you can assume doesn’t have any idea what muhammara sauce is. He makes tuna with roasted carrots and asparagus salad. Adorably he tells Padma he is “fresh out of the boat.“

Daniel: ginger soy skirt steak with cabbage salad. The pan is so hot and there is so much smoke Tom offers to call the fire department. There is a selection of Jersey boy catchphrases to end his segment. Stefan: minestrone soup with pancetta and herbs. He doesn’t talk at all. Hosea: crispy ahi tuna roll with wasabi peas. Interesting. Eugene: tuna sashimi and pea shoot salad. Rocco quizzes him on the difference between sushi and sashimi and Eugene fumbles with “Sushi…it all depends on what kind of sushi you like.” (In case you were wondering, sushi always has vinegared rice, while sashimi is served alone. I think he says “riceless“ at first, when asked if he‘s serving sushi or sashimi.) Melissa: blackened habanero shrimp. She admits they’re hot, and Tom has to spit it out. Even Padma says they‘re hot, and I nearly died from making a chutney recipe from her cookbook. Carla: tortilla soup, but she runs out of time. Radhika: sweet shrimp and cucumber salad. She runs out of time too. Leah: duck breast with corn and blueberry hash. Padma points out to her that if this had really been live TV, they would have only had corn and blueberry salad to eat. I guess they were allowed to finish the dishes for the judges. Leah admits she’d never want to do live television, and both Tom and Padma reply, “Uh…you may have to.” Leah’s head immediately snaps up and she looks on the judges in horror as she gasps, “We’re doing live television!?!?” OK, not really, but that was pretty obvious on the judges’ part. Especially with the twists they get on this show.

Jamie was disappointing, because the egg was raw, not even runny. Leah’s immunity is saving her butt right now. Alex made a silly choice and it didn’t work. Carla made Rocco uncomfortable in some way but her dish was good. Daniel was kind of a mess but he was personable and the dish was tasty. Tom didn’t like his mugging for the camera. Cut to Daniel mugging for the camera in the Stew Room. Everyone is back there talking about who finished, who didn’t finish, etc. Stefan did OK, and even had a swap out, but his personality was not there. Melissa’s shrimp were very spicy and likely wouldn’t be asked back. Jeff’s dish was pulled together and he was on time. Everyone loves Fabio, who made fun of his accent. Ariane was perfect, according to Tom. The judges reach some agreement, which they are purposely vague about.

Padma announces the bottom 3 to the group: Melissa, Alex, and Jamie. The top 3 are Jeff, Fabio, and Ariane. Then Padma says she’ll see them at Judges’ Table tomorrow, since it’s late. NO ONE QUESTIONS THIS. OK, seriously? Is everyone brain dead? Because you KNOW they always do judging that same night, even if it’s 3am and everyone is slap-happy. OH this bugs me.

Back at the apartment Jamie goes right to bed to cry herself to sleep. No really, that’s what she says she did. Alex defends himself by asking the room “Should I have pussied out and done a salad?” Mind you, there are salad makers listening to him. He’s quite proud of his risk taking. Ariane rolls her eyes and says she was smart and she doesn’t care anyway because her food was good. Someone points out that Alex seems happy to leave because he’s going home to get married, and he agrees, saying that this competition isn’t his life. Leah doesn’t think his head is in the game. She tells Melissa to fight for herself, since Alex doesn’t seem to care as much. Melissa interviews that “the scariest thing about failing is failing.” Yep.

At 2am Tom ventures into the apartments to wake people up. Sadly he does not use pots to do so, because he is only waking up Ariane, Jeff, and Fabio. The latter two sleep shirtless so as to provide us with our eye candy for the day. These three come into the kitchen, where Tom tells them the hosts of the Today Show will be judging their dishes and choosing a winner. Everyone is quite pleased (where did Ariane get coffee?) and Tom informs them they’re headed to NBC studios to cook, and then the winner will be chosen live on the air.

So a 3am these three are the Sea Grill restaurant which is right next to the studios, and they get to work. Jeff is pissed off because he has to serve “a Middle Eastern flavored roll, to a bunch of ladies, with unsophisticated palates, at 6:37am.” Wah. Where did they get more ingredients? Ariane interviews that the old lady is coming. The food stylist for the Today Show comes to collect everyone.

Meanwhile everyone in the apartment is waking up to find some contestants missing. Thoughtfully they’ve set up a TV in the living room for everyone. In the green room the top 3 are watching the show and getting more nervous by the moment. Tom gets to be on the show, explaining the set up and whatnot. This is how they kept a lid on spoilers: only Tom is actually on TV. Meredith hates watermelon, so I guess she just eats tomatoes. No one says much of anything. Fabio is up next, and he doesn’t know what is going on, but it seems good. Jeff’s dish starts out good, but then Kathy Lee starts making faces and then goes over to the sink to spit it out. Oh, that’s bad. The hosts huddle up as if they aren’t all miked, and eventually they pick Ariane’s dish. She’s jumping up and down all excited, even though the boys aren’t terribly thrilled, she thinks because she took the “easy” route with a salad. Hey, Rocco said to do something easy.

For no apparent reason, the top 3 have to show up at judging so that everyone can give them praise. Rocco gifts Ariane with around 2 dozen tools and gadgets from Rocco, and she also finds out that tomorrow, she’ll be cooking a dish live on the Today Show. She had to wait of course, because of the spoilers.

The bottom 3 come in to face the judges. How many people thought the bottom three would be the ones thrown into the fire on live TV? I did too. Melissa knows her shrimp might have been too spicy, but she insists she tasted it. Rocco tells her it was inedible, and Gail doesn’t think home cooks should be messing with habaneros. Jamie got frazzled, and chose finishing on time over cooking the egg. Tom gives her the solution: flip the egg. Jamie kind of interrupts them to tell them she knows what she did wrong, and Rocco gets on her case about her closed body language. Whatever. Alex thought the easiest way to get to the top would be to do something different, but he chose the wrong dish. He wanted to push himself, and he thinks that’s the point of the competition, but Tom fires back that the point is to win. He set himself up for failure by trying something new. Padma asks if anyone has anything to add, and Melissa pipes up that she wants to be here more than anything. Padma asks her if that’s why she shouldn’t go home. Uh, duh. She’s only ever wanted to be here, and Tom asks if that means that someone else doesn’t want to be here. But she hedges that she’s only talking about herself. Alex says he’s better than what he’s shown them, and he’s a good cook. Jamie doesn’t get to talk.

Rocco starts off by declaring that everyone’s dishes were terrible so they all fail. Tom thinks that Jamie’s egg was pretty close to being good, but Rocco immediately disagrees. I think it was close too, in that technically you can eat raw eggs. Rocco is very adamant about how everyone sucks, like Melissa’s spice and how Jamie had bad body language. This coming from a man who had a reality show, in which his staff asked on a daily basis where he was and why he wasn’t in his own restaurant. Melissa is in the Stew Room talking about how she made it clear that other people don’t want to be here, and Alex realizes finally that she’s throwing him under the bus. But it’s too late for him to say anything. Gail knows Alex could never have made his dish in one hour. His presentation was fine, but he didn’t make crème brulee.

Over in the corner Leah and Hosea roughhouse and snuggle. Carla doesn’t think it’s serious, just a sexual chemistry. Hosea writes on Leah with a sharpie, two H‘s and a heart, I think. Again, this is a stupid commercial length clip. Are they dating now and you had cut all the clips but now you feel the need to add them back in so you hid them in the commercials?

Melissa’s dish was way too spicy, Alex chose the wrong dish to cook and didn’t complete the task, and Jamie gave them a raw egg and then was standoffish. Alex is out. He doesn’t say anything, just leaves. He only regrets not sticking with his instincts and not making crème brulee. He’s got other things to think about, and he’s not 100% present in this competition.

Next week: Gail’s bridal shower. Everyone freaks out, Fabio charms all the ladies, someone disappoints.
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TAR13, Recap Leg 10, 11/30/08

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on I Couldn’t March My Way Out of a Paper Bag, teams raced from Kazakhstan to Moscow. Superbad bought expensive shoes and Dallas flirted with Starr. A lot. Nick and Starr have taxi issues (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog: “Oh no, the pretty team can’t speak RUSSIAN! What’s going to happen, they won’t have enough money to buy hair product?”). Toni and Dallas are the first team outside the Evans family to have a first place finish and Dandrew finishes last. . . in a nonelimination leg. OMG. Go away. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Toni/Dallas, Team Himbo
2nd – Ken/Tina, Team Mom and Dad Evans
3rd – Nick/Starr, Team HSM! *jazz hands*
4th – Andrew/Dan, Team Superbad

Nazkuchny Sad Park, Moscow, Russia

Toni/Dallas (1st)
Clue: Travel by taxi to a nearby park with a nuclear submarine and search the interior for the Sonar Room to find the officer from The Hunt For Red October to get your next clue. You have $326 for this leg of the race.

Ken/Tina (2nd)
Nick/Starr (3rd)
Andrew/Dan (4th) – Dan: “Our track record is kinda spotty.” KINDA?!?!?

Teams arrive at the submarine and find the clue in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Ken/Tina
3- Nick/Starr
4- Andrew/Dan

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to Iskusstv Park, also known as the Graveyard of Fallen Monuments to get their next clue. Teams take taxis, get stuck in traffic, and Dandrew go to the wrong park. But teams arrive and grab the clue in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Toni/Dallas
3- Ken/Tina
4- Andrew/Dan

And teams come to the ninth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s good at solving mysteries literally?

In this roadblock, one team member must hang out in Iskusstv Park and count all of the statues of Lenin (6) and Stalin (2). They are given the Cyrillic spellings to help them. Once teams have found both values, they are instructed to go to a bookstore in town to get a book using the number “62” as the password. If they get the number wrong, they must wait 10 minutes before trying again. Roadblockers must then open the book to page 62 to find that they need to go to the apartment building named after the author, Mikhail Bughakov. Once there, they will find their partners waiting as well as the clue box with the next clue. Be sure and give your partner the fanny pack with the passports and the money.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Nick
2- Dallas
3- Tina
4- Andrew

After lots of looking around and an hour of incorrect numbers from Dallas, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Toni/Dallas – who are without passports and money now that Dallas has lost the fanny pack by leaving it in the cab. (Toyouke and Kmanpat: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”)
4- Andrew/Dan – Dan: “Well, this is an interesting development. *twists villain mustache*

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to Sokol’niky Park and find the lady with the Shetland pony to get their next clue. Teams arrive and find the clue in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan
4- Toni/Dallas – who tried to work around the rules by taking the metro, only to find that Lady with Shetland Pony reads minds and won’t give them a clue unless they take a taxi.

However, this would be ok, if Andrew and Dan hadn’t found the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the second of two speed bumps on this race, teams must perform a traditional Russian dance in Sokol’niky Park. Teams must complete the dance to the specification of the dance instructor, and then they may get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Andrew/Dan

So, Andrew and Dan go and dance, er, flail their way through the dance twice in order to get their next clue and return to the Lady with Shetland Pony to get their clue.

And now, we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Ride the Rails OR Ride the Lines

*Ride the Rails: Teams must travel on foot to Sokol’niky Metro and take the train to Ulitsa 1905 to find the marked Snack Shop and pick up a Samsa from the vendor. The pastry will be wrapped in the next clue, instructing teams to metro to Kitay-Gorod station and find the statue dedicated to the men who created Cyrillic. Then, teams must find the Babushka, and hand her the samsa to get their postcard that pictures their last Detour stop, the VDNKh Park Station to get their next clue.
*Ride the Lines: Teams must travel on foot to Sokol’niky Trolley stop and take the bus to Krasnoselskaya station to find the key maker to get a key for a locker at Rizhskaya station. The teams then take the trolley bus to the station and open the locker for their postcard to their last Detour stop, the VDNKh Park Station to get their next clue.

1-Nick/Starr choose Ride the Rails
2-Ken/Tina choose Ride the Lines – who get on the wrong bus at first.
3-Andrew/Dan choose Ride the Lines
4-Toni/Dallas choose Ride the Lines – and have to bum money off of the very kind Russian people.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Andrew/Dan
3- Ken/Tina

Teams must now travel by foot and find VDNKh Park, the PIT STOP of the tenth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Nick/Starr – who have their sixth win, and get a trip for two to Anguilla.
2- Andrew/Dan
3- Ken/Tina – who missed the Detour finish and followed Dandrew to the pit stop.

And Toni and Dallas arrive at Rizhskaya Station, only to be greeted by Phil, having been relieved of his Pit Stop duties to tell Toni and Dallas that all teams have been checked in. And we have our final three!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Nick/Starr
2nd – Andrew/Dan
3rd – Ken/Tina

Next week: The final leg goes to Portland Oregon! The Evans family splits ways in order to win the money and Dandrew try and win in the biggest upset ever. Tempers flair, and there seems to be a field of lots and lots of clue boxes! Until next time. . .
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where is my food show recap for my food holiday?

Sorry I'm late with this, but I'm at my parents' house and I haven't gotten a chance to watch "Top Chef" yet. I don't know when I'll watch it, let alone get a recap done, but I'm hoping it'll be up by Sunday night at the latest. Happy Thanksgiving! Clicky clicky

TAR13, Recap Leg 9, 11/23/08

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on MOOOOOOOOOOO!, teams galloped from Dehli to Almaty, Kazakhstan, where we were subjected to the most Borat references ever. Dallas gets closer to Starr, and Terence gets very close to a piece of meat even though he’s a vegetarian of sixteen years (until, of course, he tried to eat meat). Dandrew is clueless, but Terence and Sarah are very far behind and are eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Nick/Starr, Team HSM! *jazz hands*, arrived at 9:21 AM
2nd – Toni/Dallas, Team Himbo, arrived at 10:47 AM
3rd – Ken/Tina, Team Mom and Dad Evans, 11:17 AM
4th – Andrew/Dan, Team Superbad, 12:41 PM

Old Square, Pan Filev Park, Almaty, Kazakhstan

9:21 PM Nick/Starr (1st)
Clue: Fly 2000 miles to Moscow, Russia. Once there, take a taxi to a local monastery and light a candle to get your next clue. You have $175 for this leg of the race.

10:47 PM Toni/Dallas (2nd)
11:17 PM Ken/Tina (3rd)
12:41 AM Andrew/Dan (4th) – So, Dandrew made an interesting mistake of leaving their shoes at the Detour and are now traipsing through Kazakhstan in slippers.

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Toni/Dallas
3- Ken/Tina
4- Andrew/Dan

Teams arrive at the airport and find that the earliest flight out is an Air Astana flight at 6:05 AM. So, Dallas and Starr get a little closer and joke about Nick and Starr always being first. Cue the love theme from some 1990’s teen drama. And Dandrew finds a 24 hour shoe store. Cue the POLKA OF SHOES!

The Amazing Yellow Line flies to Moscow. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Andrew/Dan – Dan: “Well, that looks churchy.”
2- Toni/Dallas
3- Nick/Starr
4- Ken/Tina

Teams race to the monastery, and teams light the candles. The women wear head scarves and are reverent. They then grab the clue in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Toni/Dallas
3- Andrew/Dan
4- Ken/Tina

Teams must now travel to the outskirts of Moscow by taxi and find Kolosok Camp, and search the grounds for the next clue. Teams arrive and find the clue in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Andrew/Dan
3- Ken/Tina
4- Nick/Starr – who have the most confused taxi driver ever.

And now, we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Boots OR Borscht

For this Detour, all teams must first suit up in Russian uniforms and put them on correctly, including the traditional foot wrap.

*Boots: Teams must find the squadron and learn a parade march and then complete one lap of the parade route in order to get their next clue.
*Borscht: Teams must find the mess tent and serve borscht to 75 soldiers in order to get their next clue.

1-Toni/Dallas choose Boots
2-Ken/Tina choose Boots
3-Andrew/Dan choose Boots – When Dan decided that Andrew couldn’t put the wrap on his foot, he decided that they needed to do Borscht, neglecting the fact that they still needed to suit up for that task. So, the boys bald snarked to Borscht, only to return to the tent to change back into the outfits and decide to do Boots. So, after the double bald snark, we see that Dan can’t march his way out of a paper bag, and even the Russians are laughing at him. So, we see the rarely attempted triple bald snark back to Borscht where the boys FINALLY complete a task.
4-Nick/Starr choose Boots – and wore each others uniforms.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Ken/Tina
3- Nick/Starr
4- Andrew/Dan

Teams are now told to take a taxi to the Zhukovsky Bakery in a nearby town to find their next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Ken/Tina
3- Nick/Starr
4- Andrew/Dan

And teams come to the eighth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who has a strong back?

In this roadblock, one team member must unload 50 55 pound bags of flour and stack it correctly to get their next clue from the snarky baker woman.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Dallas
2- Ken
3- Nick – Baker: “He’s not fit.”
4- Dan

After much hauling of flour, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Ken/Tina
3- Nick/Starr – who switched taxis in order to get to the pit stop faster.
4- Andrew/Dan

Teams must now travel by taxi back into Moscow and find Naskuchny Sad Park, the PIT STOP of the ninth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Toni/Dallas – Toni: “Say it, Phil.” Phil: “Say what, Toni?” Dallas: “Say, ‘Toni and Dallas, you’re team number one.” Phil: “Why would I say that?” They are, and they win a trip for two to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
2- Ken/Tina
3- Nick/Starr
4- Andrew/Dan

Phil: “I’m sorry to tell you . . . you’re still in the Race!” We’re sorry too Phil. VERY sorry. So the boys now have to complete a Speed Bump in the next leg. Not that I expect to see them after next week. Let’s leave them in Russia, shall we?

ORDER NOW:
1st – Toni/Dallas
2nd – Ken/Tina
3rd – Nick/Starr
4th – Andrew/Dan

Next week: Teams are dancing in Moscow, and Dan reprises his excellent coordination. Plus, en route to the Final 3, some racer loses their passport and cash and jeopardizes their place in the race. Until next time. . .

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Top Chef 11/19/08--"Show Your Craft" summary

Previously on Top Chef: Seventeen chefs showed up for the competition, but Lauren was sent home right away for not knowing her apples. Everyone else got to cook foods based on different ethnic neighborhoods. The two Europeans quickly felt they were superior to everyone, and other than that no one made a large impression. Stefan, one of the aforementioned Europeans, won both the Quickfire and the Elimination challenges. Patrick, the cute culinary student, went home first. Which is good because I think if I’d had to watch him flounder for weeks that would be sad. This ain’t “Hell’s Kitchen”. Also there is “Team Rainbow.” (click for more)

Richard recaps the last episode for us, while I see Stefan smoking in the house. Boo. (Kmanpat: “Oo, smokers are hot!”) Ariane is still kind of freaking out because she was on the bottom with Patrick. Stefan is quite pleased with himself, but of course he thinks Fabio (the other European) is his biggest competition. Not any silly Americans. Fabio is calm about it, because it’s not about the dragons but who goes home with the princess. Hee.

Padma greats everyone with Donatella Arpaia. Thanks for nothing, Bravo, for having your stupid ad for real housewives of some stupid place onscreen at the EXACT moment you put up the chyron for Donatella. Padma lets the contestants know they will be making something New Yorkers spend millions of dollars on, and in a “Top Chef” first they’ll have an expert to cook against. In rolls a hot dog cart. Heh. Angelina, the woman with the cart, will be making hot dogs for all of them to beat. Fabio does not know how to make hot dogs. Sausage only. Hee. They will have 45 minutes.

Hosea can see people freaking out. That’s because people have forgotten how to make hot dogs from scratch. Daniel has had Angelina’s hot dogs before, or something similar, so he knows what he’s up against. Fabio knows you can’t beat the “American” hot dog at its own game, so he’s got sausage and is going a totally different direction. Jill knows she can’t make hot dogs from scratch, so she’s wrapping pre-made hot dogs in rice paper. Radhika is making kabobs, I think. Hosea has no experience stuffing sausages. Oh, like I would ignore that comment. (Kmanpat: “Darn. He can come over, I’ll teach him.”)

Jill: summer rolls with hot dogs and chili, soy sauce, and rice wine vinegar. Ew. But she didn’t make the hot dogs. She says she didn’t have time. Radhika: kabob style with lamb, pork, and ground chuck, and caramelized onions, cucumbers, and tomato jam. That sounds fantastic. Daniel: pork hot dog with horseradish, mustard, garlic powder, and fried onions. Eugene: maki roll with pita bread, red onions, and boursin cheese. Oh, Eugene. That is not maki. You are from Hawaii. Sigh. Hosea: bacon and roasted pepper hot dog, with roasted poblanos and jalapeños. Stefan: “World Dog”, which is Italian sausage on a French roll with Wisconsin cheese and Irish tartar sauce. And German beer. Oo, bribery with booze. Carla: Lamb and pork sausage with “quick” sauerkraut and caramelized onions. Ariane: chicken sausage, bacon, celery seed, garlic, and white pepper. Fabio: andouille sausage with goat cheese, roasted bell pepper, and sun dried tomatoes. Jamie: pork and beef sausage, bacon, onions, smoked paprika and cayenne pepper. Oh, but there is a ground bone in it. Oops. Angelina then gives the judges a New York dog with mustard and relish. I thought they should feed the contestants too.

Jill was one of the worst, because everyone else made sausage. Stefan also was on the bottom. Ha. Donatella says she wouldn’t go anywhere for that. Stefan of course scoffs at this. Radhika is in the top, for embracing her Indian theme and having moistness. Fabio’s Mediterranean flavors carried through. Hosea’s bacon was also excellent. Radhika wins! She’s glad to have proven herself.

Padma starts out her description of the Elimination challenge by talking about how tough New Yorkers can be as customers, and then says they’ll be opening a Top Chef restaurant. Um…it’s a little early for Restaurant Wars, but OK. Fabio has opened 7 restaurants already, so he’s like, eh. They have to make up a 3 course “New American” lunch menu. That is such a broad and nebulous category. Everyone is responsible for one dish, and they’ll have 2 hours to prep before they serve 50 people. Padma dismisses them and people immediately start yelling. Jeff wanders off and when he comes back he makes people sign up and move around. 5 people are making appetizers, 5 making entrees, and 5 making desserts, which is cool because usually you have to force people to make dessert. Jeff says luckily the numbers worked out.

Off to Whole Foods with 30 minutes and $2,500. Jeff thinks they look like they’re robbing the place, shoving soccer moms out of the way. Eugene tells us the $2,500 is for everyone. Hosea’s making something with crab, but he’s got to buy his crab sight unseen in tubs. Fabio is making beef carpaccio. Jill has decided to make ostrich eggs, but put them in a quiche. So…what would the point be, then? Maybe they taste different. (Kmanpat: “We should ask Colin and Chip.”) Luckily everyone is under budget.

The appetizer group consists of Fabio, Hosea, Melissa, Leah, and Jamie. Jamie loves their cohesiveness and tells us she’s making chilled corn soup. The entree group is Stefan, Jeff, Alex, Eugene, and Jill. Jill prepares to open her ostrich egg, which is of course harder to do than normal eggs. Jamie thinks she’s ridiculous. Desserts are Carla, Ariane, Daniel, Richard, and Radhika. Ariane is making a lemon meringue martini, because she’s not a baker. So why are you doing desserts? Tom appears to tell everyone that they’re going to be cooking at his restaurant craft. Oo! He’ll be with them the entire time, and also there is another twist: all of the diners are New York chefs who tried out for “Top Chef” and did not make it. Ha! Awesome. Carla kind of freaks out, because she knows these diners are going to be hyper-critical.

At home Fabio is telling Stefan about his dragon/princess metaphor. They’re pretty jokey about it. Eugene brags that the flight home to Europe will probably be long. He’s there to win for his family. Hey, Hosea has glasses like mine! Granted, I have narrow black rectangular frames like a million other people, but still.

As Fabio says he’s ready for tomorrow, Leah randomly interviews that she is into having a boyfriend because otherwise she’s too crazy. This is to explain why she’s all over Hosea. Fabio is like, good for them. (Kmanpat: *singing* “Long has he waited for her coming home to him…“) This little scene was in the middle of the commercials. I don’t know.

In the morning, Carla freaks out at the idea that she’ll have to learn another kitchen. I’m sure Tom’s kitchen is well-laid out. Everyone huddles under umbrellas, Richard (I think) under a busted one.

Fabio interviews that he wants to be Tom. Everyone gets their own corner in the craft kitchen. See, I told you. Jamie is unconcerned about her soup. Fabio is talking about olives, and it takes me a minute, but he’s busted out some molecular gastronomy to take olive puree and solidify the outside, so you have little bubbles of olive, with liquid centers. That’s pretty cool. And they look almost like regular olives. Hosea is seasoning his crab, and he seems fairly confident. Jill is trying to plan her time so her quiche can cook. Carla obsesses over her pie crust. Ariane asks everyone to taste her martini. All we can see of it is some kind of purple fruit in the bottom of glasses, so I’m not sure what’s going on. Richard thinks it’s too sweet, but he won’t tell her because it’s a competition. Carla admits it, though. Even though at least Carla said it finished sweet, Ariane interviews in a mousy voice that it’s what she made, so that’s what she’ll serve. But in the kitchen she threatens everyone that they’ll hear it if she goes under.

I very much like how craft looks. The Top Chef rejects hang out and network and talk shop. They kind of bug me, although I’m sure the producers picked out the most obnoxious ones so we’d think they were all bitter douche bags. But I have the feeling it’ll be like “Hell’s Kitchen” where the loudest, most irritating people get all the camera time and act up on purpose to be on TV. Tom is going to expedite back in the kitchen. He’s immediately giving orders and making sure everyone shapes up.

Appetizers are up first, obviously. Jamie: chilled sweet corn soup (Tom calls for “corn puree”) with chili oil and mint. Gail and Padma love it. Hosea: chilled crab with citrus vanilla dressing, mango, and avocado. It is slimy and muddy, or something. People can taste that the crab came out of a can. Leah: Yukon potatoes with seared scallops, chives, and green peppercorns. Someone says the scallops are sandy. Padma thinks the presentation is 80’s. Fabio: beef carpaccio with arugula salad, parmesan, balsamic vinaigrette, and “spherical olives”. Donatella loves it. Melissa: grilled avocado, white peaches, nectarines, and balsamic vinaigrette. It’s not exciting enough. Some guy thinks he could have done better. Some other people opine that it’s 75% effort.

Entrée time. Jill: ostrich quiche with rice pecan crust, asparagus, and aged cheese. This is compared to dog food with the flavor of glue. Not good. Eugene: open-faced meatloaf sandwich with ciabatta bread, gouda fondue, and portabella ragout. Bad presentation, says Donatella. It’s kind of deconstructed, but admittedly I am not a presentation person so unless it‘s really bad I have no idea about it. Stefan: pan seared halibut, micro greens, ravioli, champagne sauce, and dill oil. Everyone loves it of course. Jeff is making everyone behind because he isn‘t plating fast enough. Oops. He serves southern chicken, honey mustard, chorizo spoon bread. Mm. Alex: Pork tenderloin over potatoes with fresh vegetables, and red beet, tomato, and mushroom demi-glace. Someone says they could have gotten that at home.

Desserts! Radhika: citrus avocado mousse with chocolate wontons and chocolate milk with Kahlua. Padma reminds the other judges she has immunity, and Gail says you can tell because the mousse is just sweet guacamole. Didn’t Dale do an avocado dessert that they all swooned over? Daniel: ricotta pound cake with toasted pistachios and strawberry lemon coulis. This is well liked. Ariane: lemon meringue martini. I have to break the pattern for this one. On top is the meringue, which is toasted with a torch. Then is the lemon curd, and then on the bottom is a “cherry surprise” and some cookie crunch. It’s so sweet that Padma makes a very entertaining face and then spits it out. All I know is, if I order something with the word “martini” in it, there better be alcohol. Richard: banana bread slices with peanut putter and “bruleed” bananas in the middle, and grape gelato on the side. Interesting. Gail declares it an “after school snack” but I’m not sure if that’s bad. Carla: rustic apple tart with ginger peach tea, apple cider reduction, and cheddar cheese. Somewhere my sister is cringing about the cheese. Sadly the cheese is sad looking so no one seems to want to eat it. The tart itself is good, though. Tom also gets to taste everything while the chefs stare at him. Diner reactions range from “it was pretty good” to “horrible” to “I am angered that it sucked so bad”.

Tom joins the other judges to report on the kitchen and how many people don’t understand “New American”. Also it’s mentioned that last week the food was so much better than this week.
Tom tells everyone they did a good job setting up, but their food was crappy and they set New American cuisine back 20 years. He asks for Jamie, Hosea, Ariane, Fabio, Carla, and Jill. Carla made an excellent pastry crust, although Tom would have liked to see her work the cheese into the dish better. Maybe she could grate the cheese into the crust like on “Pushing Daisies”. Fabio is called on next, and he’s extremely defensive because he sells that dish all the time, the ingredients are so great, why is he here? See, that’s what happens when you call out the winners and losers together. Padma has to tell him they liked his dish. He recovers nicely. Gail loved the grilled lemon, but the stars were the “olives”. Jamie is also in the top 3 for her corn puree, which had texture and was flavored wonderfully. The winner, whose dish surprised all the judges, is Fabio. He celebrates in Italian. Now he’s tied with Stefan, so he’s pleased.

Time for the loser gong. Hosea wanted to make crab salad, something light and fresh, and he says he thought he was one of the winners. The diners thought it was too sweet and it wasn’t seasoned very well. All his ingredients should have worked together but they didn’t. Ariane says she does her dessert at her restaurant, and she did think it was a little sweet, and Padma lets her know she spit it out. Jill took her cool ostrich egg and made it into something boring and ordinary. Gail didn’t like the flavors, they didn’t go together. She demands to know how she’ll make it better next time. Jill flounders and finally says she got stuck on time and she’ll do better. It wasn’t the greatest answer.

Hosea was so confused that he was in the bottom 3, and the judges can’t get over it. Gail just didn’t like his dish, but she can‘t pinpoint the exact reason. Ariane’s was too sweet, and Padma spit it out, which is so bad. Gail feels that Jill’s defense of her food was the lamest response in the history of the show. Tom thinks she worked herself into a corner because she wanted to use ostrich eggs.

Tom tells the losers that they were supposed to stand out. Hosea was complacent, Ariane was just so-so which isn’t good enough, and Jill didn’t make her unique ingredient stand out enough. Jill is out. Oo. Jill’s annoyed that Ariane is still there when Padma spit out her food. Yeah, I would agree with that. Padma never spits food out. Jill says she never got to show off a dish she really loved. Once Jill leaves Ariane starts sobbing and saying she doesn’t deserve it, and Carla comforts her. Jill is going to “take some time” and figure out what she’s going to do, although she’ll always be cooking. That sounds almost like someone who is quitting being a chef because of the show. I didn’t think that ever happened.

Next time: making Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters. Awesome. Some jerry-rigged kitchen or something. And a team challenge, so expect some drama.
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TAR13, Recap Leg 8, 11/16/08

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on Our Regular Greeter Was Busy So We Hired The Groundskeeper teams pussy-footed from New Delhi to Old Delhi where teams were pelted with paint and water balloons. Kelly was annoyed, Ken and Tina were speed bumped, and Nick and Starr finished in first. AGAIN. That makes four. Andrew and Dan are clueless as usual, but Kelly and Christy are slower and are eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Nick/Starr, Team HSM! *jazz hands*, arrived at 10:14 AM
2nd – Toni/Dallas, Team Himbo, arrived at 10:24 AM
3rd – Terence/Sarah, Team Asshat, 10:43 AM
4th – Ken/Tina, Team Mom and Dad Evans, 11:48 AM
5th – Andrew/Dan, Team Superbad, 12:00 PM

Humayun’s Tomb, New Dehli, India

10:14 PM Nick/Starr (1st)
Clue: Fly 1000 miles to Almaty, Kazakhstan. Once there, take a taxi to Al El Agro Chicken Factory for your next clue. You have $403 for this leg of the race.

10:24 PM Toni/Dallas (2nd) – Dallas: “All I know about Kazakhstan is Borat.” Toni: “We won’t mention that.”

Starr and Dallas sneak away together to an internet café where they book tickets together while making out. Or something like that. I think Nick and Toni were there too. They find the early flight to Almaty arriving at 11:50 pm the next night.

10:43 PM Terence/Sarah (3rd)
11:48 PM Ken/Tina (4th)
12:00 AM Andrew/Dan (5th)

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Toni/Dallas
3- Terence/Sarah
4- Ken/Tina
5- Andrew/Dan

In our first airport scramble of the race, Team HSM and the Himbos booked their reserved flights, and Ken and Tina go to the right counter first to get their tickets on the same flight. As Terence and Sarah are booking the second flight, Andrew and Dan arrive and are shut out. So, the flights stacked like so:

First Flight, Lufthansa via Frankfurt, arrives 11:50 pm
1) Nick/Starr
2) Toni/Dallas
3) Ken/Tina

Second Flight, Aeroflot via Moscow, arrives 1:20 am
1) Terence/Sarah

Third Flight, Emirates via Dubai, arrives 7:00 am
1) Andrew/Dan

The Amazing Yellow, Orange and Green lines make their connections in order to fly to the former Kazakh capital. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Ken/Tina
2- Nick/Starr
3- Toni/Dallas
4- Terence/Sarah
5- Andrew/Dan

AND we hit our first HOH of the race, since the Chicken Factory does not open until 7:30 am. The Frat Boys just make it and there is a run for the cluebox, where teams grab the clue in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Terence/Sarah
3- Dan/Andrew
4- Toni/Dallas
5- Ken/Tina

And teams come to the seventh roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s feeling peckerish?

In this roadblock, one team member must search the chicken coop for one of seven golden eggs. Once a roadblocker finds one, they give it to the proctor for the next clue.

And then, behind the Roadblock envelope, we find the FAST FORWARD!

FAST FORWARD:

Recall (if you can, since we see these so rarely anymore) that a fast forward is a task that can be performed to allow one team to skip all remaining tasks and head directly to the pit stop. However, each team may only use their fast forward power once on the race, so they must decide when it is more advantageous to use it. In this, the second of TWO fast forwards on this race, teams must travel to a nearby restaurant and eat a local delicacy, which turns out to be sheep butt fat. Each team member must finish their meal to get their next clue and to skip all remaining tasks and travel directly to the Pit Stop.

Teams decide to go for the Fast Forward in the following order:

1- Nick/Starr
2- Terence/Sarah

So, both teams arrive at the restaurant and start eating. One minor problem: Terence is a vegetarian. So, when he finally realizes that STARR is finished way before him, Terence and Sarah give up and head back to the Roadblock. Anyway, Nick and Starr gets their Fast Forward and takes a taxi to the Pit Stop in Pan Filev Park at the Old Square.


In the meantime, the following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Andrew
2- Toni
3- Tina
4- Sarah

After much searching under chickens, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Andrew/Dan
3- Ken/Tina
4- Terence/Sarah

Teams are then instructed to find the giant crane trucks and travel by truck to the Koktabe Arch at the base of the foothills of the Tienshan Mountains. Teams then follow the marked path to the Mongol Warriors and wait for their next clue.

The teams arrive at the Mongols to receive their clue by falcon in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan
4- Terence/Sarah

And now, we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Play Like Mad OR Act Like Fools

*Play Like Mad: Teams must travel by taxi to the Museum of Folk Musical Instruments and learn how to play two traditional Mong instruments. Once they learn a simple tune, the team must travel to a local park and play the song for the equivalent of $1.50 in tips and take it to their teacher for their next clue.
*Act Like Fools: Teams must travel by taxi to the Children’s Puppet Theater and don a two-person cow costume. They then walk in the cow costume to a nearby milk stand, drink the glass and find their clue on the bottom of the glass to go to Zelgany Bazaar. Teams must then find the butcher and present themselves to get their next clue.

(Paul: “I am not walking around Argentina in a cow costume.” Nicole: “Hell NO.” Toyouke: “Hee.” Kmanpat: “Oh wait, wrong show. All of these people will TOTALLY act like fools.”)

1-Toni/Dallas choose Act Like Fools
2-Ken/Tina choose Act Like Fools
3-Andrew/Dan choose Act Like Fools
4-Terence/Sarah choose Act Like Fools

And speaking of, Dallas missed the milk stand on the first pass, Ken and Tina return the cow suit before getting their clue and have to go back to get it, Andrew and Dan leave their tennis shoes at the costume shop, and Terence and Sarah have a great quote. Terence: “Good job my love.” Sarah: “Good job my cow. . . boyfriend.” I think his ox was broken.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Toni/Dallas
2- Ken/Tina
3- Andrew/Dan
4- Terence/Sarah

Teams must now travel BY FOOT to Old Square in Pan Filev Park, the PIT STOP of the eighth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!


1- Nick/Starr – who each win a 180 horsepower waverunner. Nick: “You sound like a broken record Phil.”
2- Toni/Dallas
3- Ken/Tina
4- Andrew/Dan – who take a taxi to the Pit Stop and have to go back and walk it. And they STILL finish fourth.
5- Terence/Sarah

And Terence and Sarah are eliminated. But Terence couldn’t swallow the meat. At least Sarah trusted him. :P Asshat.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Nick/Starr
2nd – Toni/Dallas
3rd – Ken/Tina
4th – Andrew/Dan

Next week: Teams are off to Moscow, and Dan apparently has never learned how to march. Look, the Russians are laughing at him! And Nick and Starr have the unthinkable happen to them. . .they break a nail! No, actually, a bad cab driver, but still. Until next time. . .

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Top Chef 11/12/08--"Melting Pot" summary

Previously on Top Chef: we had a pretty good season with mostly non-offensive people. Except for Lisa. Stephanie, who was possibly the least offensive contestant ever, ended up with the title of “Top Chef” and also was the fan favorite. I liked her very much. This season is in New York. About time there was a season in New York. 17 chefs?!?!?! I’m exhausted already. Montage of this season, cooking, arguing, people spitting food out. Same prizes as usual: money, be in a magazine, work at the Food and Wine Expo. Kmanpat, ready? (Kmanpat: “Woo!”) Alrightly then. (click for more)

Fabio Viviani, 30, from Italy. An accent always helps, guys. He’s a chef/owner of a restaurant. As he’s talking I notice that Tom is now listed in the credits as “Co-host” and not “Judge” or even “Head Judge”. How interesting. Fabio has never been to New York before. Jamie Lauren, 30, executive chef. Her restaurant is named “Absinthe” after a possibly poisonous and hallucinogenic liquor. Fantastic. She likes that in her job, she can be creative and no one tells her what to do. Oh, this will go well. Eugene Villiatora, 32, personal chef/consultant. He also seems to be self-taught. Nice. I hope he goes far, I usually root for the self-taught people. Jeff Mcinnis, 30, chef de cuisine. He’s pretty but knows it. Sigh. Radhika Desai, 28, executive chef. She’s afraid everyone will pigeonhole her cuisine. I hope she is better than the Indian girl that was on “Next Food Network Star.” Lauren Hope, 24, chef tournant. That’s a chef that can work any station in a kitchen. I had to look that up; the TV just said “chef”. Some other people show up but they apparently will have their bios later. Ariane Duarte, 41, chef/owner of a place called “CulinAriane”. I can’t decide if I like that or am horrified. Daniel Gagnon, 26, chef du cuisine. He has odd facial hair. Like, it’s a close trimmed beard, but where the mustache meets the beard it’s shaved. Like a negative mustache. Lauren freaks out because the guy that just walked in was one of her classmates in school. Patrick Dunlea, 21, culinary student. He is much cuter on the TV; his photo on the website has this smirk that is unattractive. He also has very pink cheeks. Stefan Richter, 35, chef for his own catering company. Stefan is from Finland and he’s lived around Europe, so his accent is harder to identify. Everyone is on the ferry. Richard Sweeney, 27, executive sous chef? How does that work? He says the inner queen inside him wants desperately to know what Padma is wearing. Then he pretends it’s the queens back home that really want to know. Sure.

On Governor’s Island Padma and Tom wait to greet everyone. Leah Cohen, 27, sous chef, tells us her mom told her whatever you do, don’t cry because you will look like a little bitch. This means she will cry this episode. Padma tells them how important New York is to the culinary world. Now is the first Quickfire challenge. Some people have blank looks like they have never watched this show before. Perhaps they have never watched reality television before. Padma lets them know that 17 of them are here, but only 16 chef coats are waiting in the kitchen. The person who finishes last, goes home right now. Ouch. Lauren knows one of the coats is hers. We’ll see. There are 3 rounds: first is to peel 15 apples with a knife (oo, Iron Chef Sakai would kick ass). Alex Eusebio, 33, executive chef, says he hasn’t used a paring knife to do this since culinary school. Seriously? I don’t know that I’d be proud of that. Tom will double check everything, and the top 9 will have guaranteed spots. The bottom 8 will go to round 2. Hosea Rosenberg, 34, executive chef, is looking forward to this because he’s been winning culinary competitions for a number of years. (Kmanpat: “His name is Hosea? *singing* Come back to me with all your heart…“ Me: “You’re going to sing every time he does something, aren’t you.“ Kman: *nods vigorously*)

The challenge begins. Fabio says he’s not going home, even if he has to swallow the apple whole. (Kmanpat: “…”) Richard quickly slices his thumb. He talks about it, and how it was stupid, as he drips blood all over the cutting board and his “Beer Pong” T-shirt. What would the queens say about that? Stefan finishes first, and is relieved to not be bested by an apple. Carla Hall, 44, caterer. She wants to prove caterers are just as good as restaurant chefs. The 9 spots fill up, and Stefan gets immunity for finishing first. No, I don’t know who else was in the spots. There are seventeen chefs. When they get down to the end I’ll know who’s left.

Round two: brunoise 2 cups of apples. Tom, sadly, tells them that “brunoise” means “finely dice”. It means I don’t have to look it up but I wanted someone to not know what that meant. The first 4 to finish will be safe, but the bottom 4 will do round 3. The safe people watch everyone and feel bad. Patrick is worried and shouldn’t the culinary student be good at stuff like this? Jill Snyder, 28, executive chef, is starting to freak out. Tom makes her do some stuff over. Oops. She does finish, though. Leah (I think) says she will be super embarrassed if she gets sent home today.

Lauren, Pat, Radhika, and Leah are left for round 3. This round will involve creating a dish using their 2 cups of apples. They have 20 minutes. Radhika thinks this is only enough time to get your knives and spices in place. You are going to suffer. She’s going to make apple chutney and pork. Leah is going to make scallops. Lauren is making salad with bacon. Patrick? Also salad but with yogurt dressing. He says he would rather go for “perfect” as opposed to “fast”. Oh, you’re going to suffer too.

Lauran ended up with spinach salad, apples, blue cheese, orange, balsamic vinaigrette. Patrick: apple salad slaw, yogurt dressing, mint, honey, cinnamon. Radhika: pan seared pork, apple chutney, raisins, chili powder. Leah: seared scallops, dried apples, vinegar, and apple juice. Tom and Padma taste without commenting and then tell Leah and Radhika their dishes are good. Lauren admits she would like to see Patrick go instead of her, but maybe she might feel bad. After the commercials we find out that Patrick is going to stay. Lauren has to leave to get on the ferry. Patrick is about to cry. She’s pretty pissed, but oh well.

Padma brings out the knife block, before they even move in and unpack. Ha. Patrick pulls a knife that says “Chinatown”. These appear to be teams, or possibly pairs, with locations around the city. Hosea doesn’t even know what his knife phrase means. The chefs must create something inspired by the neighborhood they’ve selected. These are all ethnic neighborhoods. Interesting. Also, thank God I only have 8 dishes to talk about.

The apartments they’re staying in are awesome, as always. Everyone hangs out on the balcony, and when Patrick appears, Jamie hollers at him that “Team Rainbow is complete!” (Kmanpat: “It’s never complete without me! I get to be flaming purple!“) She beckons Patrick to sit over by herself and Richard. Jamie has a T-shirt with a rainbow on it, she says, and she’s totally going to wear it. Fabio and Stefan bond over being European and liking soccer. Hee. Stefan has a big ego and is getting into it with Daniel for some reason, about vinaigrettes. Daniel thinks this makes him look immature. Whatever. It’s not even an interesting argument.

In the morning everyone’s having coffee and brainstorming. Carla warns Ariane that people might be more annoying today than last night. Sadly there is no half-naked eye candy.

The pairs split up to head to their respective neighborhoods for shopping and ideas. Richard and Jamie head to Astoria (Greek) and Richard is still talking about Team Rainbow. They have $75 and 20 minutes to shop. Hosea and Carla are at Brighton Beach (Russian) where Hosea is a little lost. Carla is waiting to be led to this dish by her spirit guides. No, seriously. Stefan and Ariane are in Long Island City (Middle Eastern) and the whole place confuses Ariane. Jeff and Fabio, Ozone Park (Latin), and Jeff knows his Latin from living in Miami. Radhika and Jill are in Queens (Jamaican) which makes Jill think of fruits and rum. Leah and Melissa hit a deli in Little Italy. Leah’s worked in Italy, and we finally meet Melissa Harrison, 28, sous chef. She has no idea about Italian cuisine. Patrick and Daniel get to go to Chinatown. Patrick is taking a chance on something he’s never used before: black rice noodles. He’s babbling to Daniel, and then Daniel clarifies something that I got wrong before. They’re not cooking in pairs. Each pair is going head to head. UGH that means I have to talk about 16 dishes after all. Daniel thinks this is dumb. Alex and Eugene are in Little India, where Eugene is in new territory and Alex is amused by the spices.

Inside and outside the Top Chef Kitchen they’ve tiled the walls, and put a mosaic of the logo in the middle of the walls. It reminds me of a subway station. Everyone marvels at the kitchen. 2 hours to cook. Jeff thinks he has a lot of time, time to do some more garnishes. We have some info on what people are doing, but I’m going to wait until the end. Hosea notices that Carla has bought whole trout, not trout filets like him, and she’s got a ton of pin bones to take out. Leah feels pretty confident, it seems, since Melissa has not much experience. Eugene is just trying to finish. Ariane is running out of time to cook her farro. Patrick is trying to prove himself, but he’s not satisfied with his noodles. Jeff hasn’t budgeted his time, and he has 3 minutes to plate something with 19 steps. He’s running around all over the place worse than Hung. And he doesn’t get done.

Did you know Ted won’t be back this season? I know! But he was taping his new Food Network show, which sadly, sucks ass. I’m sorry but all the stories I saw on his new show, I’ve either seen on “Mythbusters” or “Good Eats”. The judges come in: Jean-George Vongerichten (he is a very famous chef), Tom (introduced as head judge), and Gail. Stefan and Ariane are up first, with Middle Eastern. Ariane: cous cous-crusted rack of lamb, farro “risotto” and dates with chickpeas. Stefan: lamp chops with tabouli salad and a beef onion skewer, with some fennel seed and cinnamon as spices. Ariane’s lamb is great but her farro is undercooked. Stefan’s is excellent so he wins. Richard and Jamie, Greek. Richard works in a comment on how cute Tom is. He’s married, you know. Richard: lamb slider with orzo feta pasta salad. Jamie: eggplant puree, seared sea bass with wild arugula salad and Greek honey and olives. The lamb is overcooked, sadly, so Jamie wins. Jill and Radhika, Jamaican. Jill: macadamia crusted plantain fritters with jerk spiced scallops. Radhika: jerk rubbed halibut on three bean rice with mango salad. The fish and rice are too close in texture. The scallops are a little overcooked but Jill’s dish is declared better. Fabio and Jeff, Latin. Fabio: sous vide pork chop with mango and jalapeno demi-glace and mushroom and avocado salad. Jeff: coffee seared tenderloin, smoked plantain with black beans and rice. Fabio needs more salt, and his knife work is covered by other garnishes. Tom thinks the beans and rice weren’t very good, but he is outvoted and Jeff wins. Hosea and Carla, Russian. Hosea: smoked salmon with caviar and crème fraiche, smoked trout with apple chutney, and smoked turbo. Carla: smoked trout and wild salmon cake on a potato latke, with Russian sour cream and caviar. Her salad doesn’t have enough sauce, but Hosea nailed Russian cuisine and was “eloquent” so he wins. Leah and Melissa, Italian. Leah: farro risotto with seared red snapper and mushrooms. Melissa: seared rib eye, arugula salad, fried mushrooms and tomato sauce. Melissa needs salt and pepper, so Leah wins. Daniel and Patrick, Chinese. Daniel: ginger poached chicken salad with bok choy, shitake mushrooms, and fried wontons. And “honey sriracha scallion foam”. Patrick: seared salmon, bok choy, black rice noodles. Sadly the noodles are gummy and his flavors are one-note. Daniel’s salad is kind of soggy and they are bored with Chinese chicken salad. Daniel wins, barely. Alex and Eugene, Indian. Alex: grilled lamb chops, spicy ragout and basmati rice. Eugene: malasa rubbed lamb, basmati rice and tzatziki. Alex’s flavors aren’t too hot or over the top. However, Eugene, despite never having made Indian food before, has made what Padma labels curds and rice, one of the most classic dishes from South India. So he wins. Wow. Tom thinks that there was no one dish that was so horrible that it stuck out. But Chinatown stuck out as missing the mark. The judges go through pretty much everyone bad, but it‘s all the same things they just said.

In the Stew Room everyone sits in a semicircle talking about how they freaked out up there. Also how the judges apparently like things salty. Padma appears to collect Stefan, Eugene, and Leah, but also Patrick and Ariane from the losing group. Ariane says the last thing she wants is to go first. Except that Lauren already did. Patrick thinks he has more to overcome. All 5 of them get to go in at once.

Winners first. Leah captured “new” Italian cooking, and focused. Stefan’s dish had a lot going on, but it all worked together. Everything blended and complemented each other. Eugene had a delicious dish and hit Indian cuisine head on. Padma is all, no pressure, but 3 out of the 4 seasons the winner of the first challenge is the winner of the whole competition. (The exception would be Hung, if you were wondering.) Stefan wins. He is pleased, of course, and thinks it would be great if a European won “Top Chef” because it’s been all Americans so far. Well that would be because it’s AN AMERICAN SHOW. Duh. The winners get to leave Patrick and Ariane to the judges.

Ariane went shopping and looked for the things there were the most of, thinking those were popular. They nail her again about the farro being undercooked. Patrick’s dish was one-note and wasn’t really original. They wanted to see more “Chinatown” and more inspiration in his dish. Tom calls it “cliché” but yet “sanitized”. Tom tells them both to get out of their comfort zone and learn some new things. He asks Ariane what if someone asks you for a Middle Eastern meal, and she laughs that she has books to look at. Cut to Tom looking disgusted. Look, Tom, I don’t go to an Italian chef and ask them for Japanese food, OK? He gets on his high horse and says they don’t learn to cook from books. Whatever. Both Ariane and Patrick beg to stay and do better. They go back to the Stew Room and tell everyone that they don’t know who won. Everyone acts shocked, which…they always do that.

Patrick is a culinary student, and he lacks experience. Gail thinks he can’t handle doing things out of the box, on the fly. Ariane has 20 years of experience and should have known better. She had decent ingredients, but made a mistake on basic cooking techniques. Well that was a nice short deliberation.

Ariane’s technique was pretty poor, and she won’t win that way. Patrick lacks inspiration and he could have taken it further. Patrick is out. (Kmanpat: “Aww! He was cute.”) He announces this to everyone by telling Stefan he’ll have to make his own coffee tomorrow. He’s not very fazed since he’s just going to go back to culinary school and graduate.

This season: fire, plenty of arguing and arrogance, Martha Stewart! That almost makes up for seeing Rocco, again, no one wants you.
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