Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Hot boys + Ben Stein + stupid = gold

I guess since this is my first post it should be an introduction or something. But I think you'll figure it out. It's about TV and I mock it or talk about how things are so worth watching.

My sister told me to watch "America's Most Smartest Model", which is on VH1 so you know it's not the highest quality show. I mean, it's no "Beauty and the Geek", even. But I turned it on, and within 5 minutes I was proclaiming its glory.

See, I've been waiting all summer for some good trashy reality show. But I'm picky about my guilty pleasures. They have to be pretty stupid, and they need to have hot guys in them. Actually, that's not that picky. "Kept", about boys competing to be Jerry Hall's pool boy? Totally qualifies. "Strip Search"? Dude, that show was about a competition to part of a group of male strippers performing in Vegas. So you see the level that I am operating at. And in honor of being smart I think I'll make a proof about why you should watch this show.

Given: "America's Most Smartest Model" is a reality show where models compete in mental and physical challenges to win a $100,000 prize.
Prove: "America's Most Smartest Model" is awesome.

1. Models are fun to watch. Reason: Hot boys. And girls too. Although Mandy Lynn, who has fake boobs and a bad lip job, isn't that hot. Her mouth bothers me. I almost can't watch her talk.

2. Models aren't very smart. Reason: That's the whole idea behind the show, trying to break the stereotype. Only they haven't been very successful.

3. Schadenfruede. Reason: If you haven't seen Avenue Q, schadenfruede is when you laugh at other people's misfortune. The first challenge was a spelling bee. They made sure there was a graphic onscreen so you could see just how poorly they were spelling words like Lacroix and von Furstenburg, which they should probably actually know. I nearly spit out my drink.

4. Ben Stein. Reason: Ben Stein is awesome. His deadpan delivery and contempt for stupidity are exactly what is needed here. He makes fun of the contestants when they are particularly stupid, and at the end of the show when he eliminates them he says things like, "Much like an extra toe you are vestigial!" Cue crickets.

5. Evil producers. Reason: The bathrooms, kitchen, and refridgerator all have combination locks on them, with signs like "The year the USA celebrated its bicentennial". Making models come up with stuff first thing in the morning so they can go pee? I'm waiting for Amazing Editing. Bonus: they change them every day.

6. "America's Most Smartest Model" is awesome. Q.E.D.

For those of you who watched "Kept", which is probably no one, Slavco was cast on this show. But they did one of those, "Welcome, here's the rules, let's eliminate some people" twists and within 10 minutes they had kicked his ass out. I cheered.

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