Top Chef:All Stars 1/19/11--"Restaurant Wars: One Night Only"

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: everyone had to fish and there were many lame fishing puns. And also groups. Carla won again, which was awesome, because making smoked fish lettuce wraps with bagel chips, with a view of New York, is a very good idea. Dale also made fish tacos, which is nice and casual. Richard, Marcel, and Fabio made one dish between the three of them, which was overly complicated (shocker), but then Tiffani and Jamie both made poor dishes, and ended up going home. (click for more)

Carla is proud of winning, and is glad to be one of 3 girls left. Richard is pretty cocky, because he’s only been on the bottom during team challenges. Antonia lets everyone know Carla and Tiffany refused to move into her room. Remember how Antonia was the Hammer in her season and everyone who was on a team with her got eliminated? She was on Tiffani and Jamie’s team last time. Heh. Last season, this season…crazy.

Everyone heads straight to Le Bernardin, awesome! Eric Ripert! But waiting for them is Tony. He describes the life of the butcher/fish person who breaks down the fish at Le Bernardin. Who needs 3 people to do his job when he goes on vacation. Who knows where this is going? They all go downstairs to the kitchen to meet Justo Thomas and watch him break down some fish. It’s awesome. Fabio claims to be moved to tears. Tony doesn’t patronize anyone, knowing and admitting they’ve all figured out what their task is for the Quickfire. Each person must cut up one cod and one fluke to “Le Bernardin” standards. Since Justo can do it in 8 minutes, they will have “the relatively luxurious time” of 10 minutes. Hee. Carla says “Woo hoo, I say to myself. Woo hoo.”

Tiffany says she knows how to do this, but maybe not nicely in such a short time. Marcel, apparently, used to be allergic to fish, but because he’s so damn awesome he just ignored the pain and now he’s not allergic to them anymore. That’s too bad. It would have been interesting to see him try to butcher the fish with swollen hands. Carla is slow, according to Mike. Fabio cuts through his thumbnail. As is required by this season’s contracts, he must mention Jamie.
Watching Justo check people’s filets is not exciting. He’s nice to everyone. Carla didn’t finish. Richard left some scales, Tre left some meat on the bones, Tiffany cut it “wrong”. Bottom: Carla, Fabio, Tiffany, Antonia. Tiffany is super embarrassed. Top: Dale, Richard, Mike, Marcel. Someone must win immunity, so the top four have 45 minutes to make something with the waste: heads, bones, etc. Nice. Richard has to ruin it though, by making it about using refuse and recycling and like, being a hippie tree hugger.

Mike is trying to borrow things from Marcel, I guess? And Marcel can’t fathom why he’d let anyone borrow anything from him or why they would ask. Mike just shrugs and says Marcel is a dick sometimes. Dale is totally cool with this challenge because he’s been doing this for forever. Mike isn’t worried about Marcel, but he knows it’ll be hard to beat Richard and Dale. Richard interviews that he used to be the “fish cook” at McDonald’s. He tries to pretend that sending out the Filet O’Fish without a top bun is “avant-garde” instead of “dumbass”. Marcel gets into the hippie “throwing away a life is wasteful” nonsense too. Not eating bones is not wasteful.

Richard: schnitzel of cod belly, ragout of braised collar and fried skin. Mike: pan roasted belly, confit cheeks, charred collar and tomato sauce. Dale: fluke back fin sashimi with cucumber and fluke liver sauce, and also bacon dashi with salt roasted cod collar. Marcel: cod mousseline, yuzu chili oil fluke broth. He feels the need to tell us that Tony tasted it wrong and didn’t get enough broth. Your excuses are old and tired.

Out in the dining room, everyone says they can’t guess who will win. Mike interviews that he just hopes Marcel doesn’t win because Marcel sucks. I smell an editor’s storyline. I mean, from what we’ve seen, Marcel is pretty obnoxious and a pain in the ass. I can figure that out on my own, though, I don’t need everyone to tell me in confessional.

Richard had good textures and flavors, Mike’s dish was light and delicious, Marcel was creative but had no texture, Dale had excellent variety and used the liver. The winner is Dale. He says he’s not going to slack.

Padma is waiting for them with Ludo Lefebvre, who was on Masters and also is very cute with short hair. He’s been working on some new concept called a “pop-up restaurant”, which is a restaurant that is only open for one night, or maybe a month. It uses existing kitchens, and allows a chef who maybe can‘t open his or her own place to get their name out and make some money. Or try out a concept without the risk of a big investment. It’s Restaurant Wars time! And all of them made it far enough that they’ve all experienced Restaurant Wars. And that’s when Dale and Tre were eliminated. Since Dale won the Quickfire, he gets to be one captain, but he also gets to pick the other captain. He picks Marcel, on the basis that he won’t work well with Marcel and wants him as far away as possible. Marcel, of course, is honored. Marcel picks first, and Richard demonstrates for us in confessional how he tried not to make eye contact so he wouldn’t get called on. Hee. He takes Angelo, who seems to be OK with it. Marcel’s team ends up being Angelo, Mike (who curses for us), Antonia, and Tiffany (she’s not super thrilled). Dale has Richard, Tre, Fabio (Dale can’t believe the other team wouldn’t snatch up his front-of-house mojo), and Carla. This time, the diners will decide who wins. Interesting.

Marcel says he tried to get the team with the most talent. They volunteer Tiffany for front of house, which she’s not really thrilled about because those are the people who tend to go home. Angelo works on her, saying she’s charming, which is true. Angelo is just slightly too awkward, and Mike is out, and Marcel is DEFINITELY out. Antonia could do it though. Tiffany eventually agrees. Dale is thinking about a market? Maybe? Marcel says “modern global cuisine” which is the most generic statement ever. Seriously. Angelo tries to take over, but Marcel tries to insist on getting a menu. They get distracted by details, and he gets pouty that they’re just supposed to be putting down ideas and they’ll decide at the end. Whatever. Pretty much what’s happening is no one respects Marcel, and my guess is they’re afraid of going home for his crappy leadership, so everyone is just ignoring him to decide what dishes they want to make. Mike is especially guilty of this. It’s pretty bad, and I’d feel bad but Marcel’s been kind of a jerk. Richard promises Fabio they’ll never abandon him with no food. Fabio says that Dale’s team is full of marathon runners, while Marcel’s team is full of sprinters, and cooking is a marathon. That actually is a very interesting analogy.

Back at the lofts they keep talking. Dale’s restaurant is “Bodega”, which seems casual and lowbrow. For example, I think Richard just said he was going to serve caviar with ranch dressing. “What your redneck cousin would get if he won the lottery”. Marcel wants to name his restaurant “Medi” because they all seem to be making Mediterranean flavors. Mike protests but the best he can come up with is that this name lacks “vision” because it’s just an abbreviation. That’s pretty weak, dude. Marcel tells him that the restaurant is named “Medi” until someone comes up with something better. Angelo tells him that if everyone else hates his name then he should do what they want. Yeah, but he’s the captain. You can’t demand he do what you want when we all know if you go down, you’re throwing him under the bus.

Everyone arrives at the restaurant they’re working in, but they’ve set up the kitchens outside on the patio. Interesting. 5 hours to prep. Marcel is worried about motivating everyone on this team. Team Bodega is making what seems to be homey traditional dishes with twists. I mean, you know Richard isn’t making “canned tuna”. Medi is making Mediterranean dishes, oxtail, gnocchi, fish. Marcel says something is a “reverse amuse” which is a small dessert, I guess.
Tom time! He comes to ask Marcel what is up. He and Mike are going to work the line, making entrees. Marcel says he’s working the line so that if someone screws up he can step in. Tom keeps at him, asking another question, but Marcel asks him to get lost so he can keep working. Tom interviews that Marcel’s energy is a weird energy. Dale’s dishes aren’t traditional bodega dishes, but it might be good. I think a bodega is a type of bar? Maybe? Tom tells everyone they have 1 hour left, and there will be one winner, who will get $10,000.

Fabio sets up the tables and greets the servers. He says he’ll deliver the 50% of the task that is not food. Marcel tells Tiffany how the eggs should be ice cold after cooking, because they’ll peel better, and some other stuff, and she just keeps saying “Yes” and mutters “Yes, chef, teach me how to cook an egg”. I mean…the eggs are in an immersion circulator. You could leave them in there all day and they’d be fine. She’s freaking out because she’s not doing her front of house stuff. She says she checked an egg and it was fine, but Marcel says they’re raw, so they need a new dish. He’s disappointed in his team. So they figure something else out, but Tiffany’s pissed because she should have just cooked the eggs the way she knows how to cook eggs. Marcel of course thinks the failure is because his team doesn’t listen to him. He thinks all his orders were “suggestions” but that in the end, Tiffany just can’t cook eggs. Why wasn’t she just making them herself in the first place? Why was she trying to use the immersion circulator and do whatever random stuff Marcel told her? Did he insist she do it that way? All I know is that no one is claiming responsibility. Mike tries to help Tiffany out, but she has to go meet the servers, and Angelo promises to take care of her dish. All of it is done but the egg yolks. I’m sure that’ll be important. Angelo is pissed because Marcel is insisting he include a foam. Bodega is pretty quiet, and has no issues, so Richard is worried. Fabio tells the servers to ask questions if they have any. Right before time is called Carla and Antonia (on opposing teams) wish each other good service.
OK, so it’s not Team Medi, but “Etch!!! Forever in your mind” which is possibly the lamest restaurant name in Top Chef history. Do you want your restaurant to have a name that sounds like the noise you make when you retch? Not a good idea. Dana Cowin is here but not eating with the judges. So instead of having the diners fill out cards, or something, and total scores (which is what I thought they were doing), instead the diners will eat at both restaurants. They’ll start in one and then switch to the other one, and pick which one they like best. Dale curses at the servers I guess because they’re too crowded around the pass. Fabio tells him to chill and to come to him with problems. Someone sends food back to Marcel’s team to be cooked more. Oops. Dana and her table trash Tiffany’s dish as she stands there. Not looking good. Which is unusual, because usually the team that looks like it will fail ends up winning. Fabio knows Dana must be kept happy, so he says “Dana, you about to have a date with me tonight”. Heh. It seems Dana likes Bodega’s concept better.

The judges show up to Bodega: Padma, Tom, Tony, and Ludo. Carla thinks they’ve hit their stride. Chips and herbs for snacks instead of bread. Richard: raw tuna belly and fried chicken skin with chilies and lime. It’s served in an oval metal can, which is why Richard was calling it “canned tuna”. Dale: bacon, egg, and cheese with homemade focaccia. It looks like a poached egg, a slice of bacon, and a thick slice of bread. Yum. Dale’s dish was easy but delicious, it seems. The tuna is great but some random guy complains the can makes it hard to eat. Fabio is checking in with the judges and directing the waiters, which Tom says no one has ever done before. Richard: chicken-fried codfish and “Brussels kraut”, which is Brussels sprouts cooked like sauerkraut. Tre: pork shoulder, grits with cheddar cheese, Corona and lime sauce. The pork shoulder is delicious and the sauce goes over well. I know I hate Corona itself but Corona sauce intrigues me. Richard’s dish is busy but it all works. Meanwhile over in the other restaurant, people are telling Tiffany they love the food. Fabio: amaretto cake with candied lemon peel and cappuccino mousse (yum). Carla: blueberry pie with dry milk ice cream. Tony fucking loves Fabio’s dish. Hee. Carla’s pie is good, but not necessarily something you crave over and over.

Tiffany has to explain the restaurant name to someone, and she’s not around to seat the judges. To their credit, there is a server who steps up and seats them so they’re not standing around forever. Back in the kitchen Marcel asks if they can talk more. Mostly Mike. Ludo notices that Tiffany is chatting with the guests, but not directing the waiters. Tom thinks it’s forced, as they can hear her laughing but not a lot of other people. Tiffany: frisee and shaved asparagus salad with egg and chorizo. Angelo: crudo of fluke, grapes, pink peppercorns, lemon zest. I am pretty sure she says Angelo’s dish is finished with “EVO”, which makes me think of Rachael Ray and…you’re better than that. Tiffany’s dish is under seasoned and not that great. Tom wishes the fish was the star in the crudo. A guest sends back some food because everything is cold. Marcel tells Mike to put plates directly on the grill so they’re hot. Yeah, that’s not the best idea. Mike and Marcel get in a fight because Marcel tells Mike “I got it” and I guess Mike takes offense to his tone. Angelo tells them to chill out, and says in confessional that if this was his actual restaurant he’d send Mike home to cool off. Marcel: roasted monkfish with kalamata olives, pepperonata, and parsley. Mike: braised pork belly and octopus with cannellini beans. The monkfish is mushy. Well, some random people like it but Tony calls it baby food. Mike’s dish goes over well. Back in the kitchen Marcel accuses Mike of sandbagging the monkfish to focus on his own dish. Angelo tells them both they’re affecting everyone negatively with their stupid argument, and Marcel claims they totally understand that, because they’re moving forward, so no more comments from the peanut gallery. Angelo just laughs. Antonia, who has said like two words this entire episode, just looks on. Smart girl. Antonia: ricotta gnudi, braised oxtail ragout, arugula and lemon zest. Mike and Angelo: slow cooked lamb chop, cauliflower puree, turmeric and honey. Antonia’s dish is too salty for Padma, but Tony loved it. The lamb has good flavors. Antonia is expediting, but Marcel disagrees with whatever she says, so she shuts him down. Much more politely than Marcel told Angelo to back off. Marcel: duo of peaches--unripened peach and sweet peach with coconut powder and foam. It’s smoking, of course. Tiffany throws Marcel under the bus and says that she “guesses” this is Marcel’s dish but multiple people have had their hands in it. Tony hates it. Fabio kisses hands and schmoozes. Love him. Marcel tries to be cocky, but Antonia is like, let’s be real here and not pretend we are awesome. She thinks he’s on drugs if he believes they did a great job. Marcel calls her “Debbie Downer” and gets pissed and then asks her what her problem is. Yeah.

Commercial interlude: Dale talks about his season and how he totally lost it and cursed up a storm during Restaurant Wars. In contrast, Fabio loves Restaurant Wars and managed to collect someone’s phone number.

Padma collects Marcel’s’ team first. Richard is upset. He shouldn’t be upset, though, because only 17 out of 76 diners (!) liked Etch better than Bodega. Damn, those are crappy numbers. Marcel claims last minute dish changes and pick-ups sunk them. Tom knows they didn’t have a plan to execute their food. Antonia felt a lack of togetherness and calm, and Angelo thinks someone should have organized the kitchen. No one will say who should have done that, which is telling. Angelo’s dish wasn’t Mediterranean enough, but there was too much going on anyway aside from the fish. Mike’s pork belly wasn’t flavorful enough, and the octopus needed char. Antonia’s was actually salty. Tony calls Marcel out on the foam, which he says was his way of getting parsley flavor into the dish. Tom wonders aloud if this is the best way to get the parsley flavor. There was no texture. Also no one liked the peaches. Tiffany lost flavor in her dish. And then Tom starts in on the service, and Tiffany immediately throws everyone else under the bus and says that when there are arguments on the line, it’s hard to control and then the waiters are all in the kitchen and not in the dining room. Oh, snap. Tom, who is no dummy, asks what the arguments are about, and Tiffany says “Oh, oh no” because she’s realizing what she just started. Mike, pretty calmly actually, explains that he and Marcel got into it because he didn’t like how Marcel was talking to him, Marcel didn’t like how he was doing the fish, and eventually Angelo stepped in and then they were fine. Marcel complains that Mike wouldn’t talk to him and tell him when things would be ready. Mike is like, I kept my mouth shut but it’s ON now, and calls Marcel on plating desserts during pick-up, and because Marcel can’t do two things at once, no wonder everything was jacked. Marcel’s comeback is that Mike moves too slowly because he hasn’t worked the line enough recently, so Mike responds that Marcel did a poor job but no one wanted to say anything because he’s a “time bomb”. Tiffany tries to calm them, but I don’t know why, because it’s not going to work. Marcel feels he was a good leader because he told everyone how not to screw up their dishes. Antonia tells the judges that Marcel needed to step up and say “This is what we’re doing” and he did not do this. Well, he tried, but no one listened to him though. He’s bossy and obnoxious. Angelo cuts though everything and says he’s embarrassed, they acted like children and not professionals. Tom looks like he has a headache. Padma knows the kitchen atmosphere leaks into dinner service.

Marcel tells the other team they’re top, so Richard can stop worrying. Heh. He just takes a deep breath. Marcel is less of an ass about it than he was last episode to Carla when she won. Antonia needed someone to be in charge, but Marcel can’t force anyone to do anything, and he did try, in his own asshat way. Tom tells Bodega they killed it. Richard claims to be “technical advisor” while Dale was “executive chef”. The potato chips were Richard’s idea, and he helped everyone elevate their dishes. Fabio’s service was fantastic. Dale’s dish was “stoner food at its finest” per Tony. They loved Tre’s dish with the flavors. Carla’s dish worked with the rest of the menu. The winner is Richard. He’s shocked, because usually the team leader wins.

Antonia’s dish was too salty. Period. Marcel’s dessert was horrid, and he didn’t manage anyone. People sent Mike’s lamb back, and the pork belly was disappointed. Angelo’s dish was boring and not about the fish. Tony thinks Angelo saw the problems in the kitchen but kept his head down and didn’t say anything. Tiffany’s service wasn’t great, she didn’t direct the waiters, and her dish had no flavor. Tony feels prison breaks have more teamwork. And once again someone from Antonia’s team is going home.

Tom not only reminds everyone of why their dishes were bad, but tells Angelo and Mike they should have stepped up and lead. Marcel is sent home. Good. Of course he’s shocked he went home and doesn’t think he made any mistakes. Except for picking the wrong team. Then he claims he’s the most “notorious, diabolical contestant” which is certainly not true. He’s an asshat. Oh, but he’s a nice guy. Nice guys don’t threaten Dale and pretend to be gangster.

Next week: Italian guys, maybe, Tiffany burns things, someone’s not getting laid. Clicky clicky

Top Chef:All Stars 1/12/11--"We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat"

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: the chefs had to make a dish in less time than it takes Tom to make a dish, which is under 10 minutes and I wish they’d made everyone cook against him, like a head-to-head battle or something. Because you know Tom would pwn them all. Anyway, Jamie and Dale completely fail at finishing, but Mike apparently is good at cooking quickly, and wins a car. Then everyone has to make dim sum, and this causes stress because everyone is carefully plating and making everything perfect. Not fast enough. People go hungry and walk out and mob the food when it does show up and basically it’s chaos. Dale, who keeps his cool and puts out food faster than most other people, also put out tasty food and is the winner. I know everyone wanted Jamie to go, because she failed again, but you could eat her food, while Casey’s chicken feet were inedible, so Casey was sent home. (click for more)

Jamie says she fully expected to go home instead of Casey. Antonia says they all think so. Marcel complains about Dale, somehow, but he doesn’t make any sense. I think he is accusing Dale of only cooking the judges’ portions? Wasn’t Dale putting out 12 plates at a time?

Back at the apartment, while the girls go to sleep like smart people, the boys sit around on the roof in their wifebeaters while Marcel yells at them that he’s not sure how it worked in their seasons, but in his season, he embraced the challenges and cooked for the people. He continues to accuse Dale of not making enough portions, and he’s like, standing up waving his arms around trying to be intimidating. Marcel is not intimidating. Shut up, Marcel. Dale is not “crying about it” and your “gangster” hand gestures and lunging only serve to highlight how white you are. Dale interviews that he’s proud of how he didn’t start anything with Marcel, but left the roof instead. Tre interviews that he’s beginning to see that Marcel is an asshole.

Everyone has to get up super early and go to the Top Chef kitchen, only to discover a wooden “Gone Fishin” sign, a map, and a note. They couldn’t have sent the note to the apartment like every other reality show ever? Tiffani jumps up and down because it’s pretty obvious they’re actually going fishing.

No Quickfire today, just an Elimination challenge. You have 5 hours to catch whatever you can, then cook it on the beach for 200 people. That’s a lot of people. Also they have to work in 4 teams of three. Antonia ends up on a team with Jamie and Tiffani, and she interviews that the last time she was on their team, it was “the most horrific team ever”. Luckily Dale and Marcel are separated. Tom also says it’s a double elimination today.

Team 2 (Mike, Angelo, Tiffany) and Team 4 (Marcel, Fabio, Richard) board their boat. Angelo hates the water because he’s terrified of sharks. He won’t even go in pools. Weird. Fabio says he’s an awesome fisherman. Team 1 (Dale, Carla, Tre) and Team 3 (Antonia, Jamie, Tiffani) are also getting ready to fish, on another boat. Dale seems to be the first to catch something. I’d care more about this challenge, but having seen it before on “Next Iron Chef” I can’t care that much. Also because I know in that situation, if you didn’t catch anything you could use like, sardines and bait for your dish. Antonia catches one and screams and jumps around. That boat seems to be doing pretty well. The other boat is failing. Carla tries to yell to the other boat that they have a ton of fish, but they don’t fall for it. It might be because they’re like, holding the fishing rods upside down and moving them around up and down. Finally they start catching things, actual fairly large fish. Once someone hooks something, the procedure is apparently to have them sit in the chair while other people hold the fishing rod steady. Richard acknowledges that “sitting in Marcel’s lap, holding his rod” is a bad thing. Hee. Dale pulls a ridiculously large bass out of the water and compares it to Marcel. That is a 37 pound fish. I find it very interesting that everyone is catching striped bass and nothing else. Fabio is worried as his team wants to only do one dish.

30 minutes and $150 to shop at the farmer’s market. Oh, this meal should be fantastic. The freshest fish and the farmer’s market. There is no excuse for this meal sucking. Antonia says Richard and Fabio are having a bromance. Normally I hate the use of the word “bromance” but I think I’ll allow it in this instance. Carla tells us that she caught some bluefish, which is oily. So I guess people caught something other than striped bass. Tiffani is planning to keep distance from Jamie.

So now they are back at the apartments…I thought they were going to cook right then? So everything is a day old? Stupid. Tre tells us his wife gave him permission to not miss him. His family is so cute.

2 hours to cook, outside on grills and hotplates. The editing is cut to make it seem like Jamie is doing nothing but complaining about the sand and the sun and whatever. Her team is each doing their own thing. Carla is making sure to get rid of the bloodline in her fish. Marcel’s team has put Fabio up front so he could schmooze everyone, and they also have him prepping vegetables. Fabio knows his prep work is crucial to the success of the dish. Marcel had the idea to only do one dish, but that one dish has like 7 things, so Richard is concerned. Tiffany is feeling the pressure as she works in a seafood restaurant.

Tom time! He tries to make Marcel’s team nervous, but it only works on Richard. Dale is using tortillas he bought. Tom is really fucking with people today. He leaves a string of nervous chefs in his wake, all second-guessing themselves.

Richard harasses Fabio, which, I think he is moving as fast as he can. Mike gloats about it, for some reason. Last minute flailing. Everyone shows up at once.

The judges show up and claim bright pink cocktails. I wish Tony was here. Instead we have Kerry Heffernan, who is a chef and also Tom’s fishing buddy. Fabio, Richard, and Marcel: sea bass, succotash, corn puree, tomato confit, concord gastrique and jamon air. That is a lot of things. “Gastrique” is a sauce and “jamon air” I believe is ham foam. Stupid foam. Dale: fish taco with bass, corn and avocado relish, crème fraiche, radishes, and cabbage. Carla: smoked blue fish lettuce wrap, pickled watermelon rind, radishes, bagel croutons. Tre: striped sea bass with gazpacho salad, tomato and avocado. That sounds good. Fabio’s team has a very busy dish, which does not seem to go over well. The fish tacos are tasty, as is Carla’s smoked fish. Tre cooked his fish well.

Jamie: striped bass, watermelon salad, with fresh dill, shaved radishes, and cucumber water. She’s been searing her fish in a pan, and she says they’ve been sticking. Tiffani: smoked blue fish with tomato, roasted corn, and zucchini ribbon salad. Antonia: open faced porgy po boy with Old Bay mayo and cabbage slaw. She discusses with Tom about porgys and how they have a smaller yield than other fish. Tiffany, Angelo, and Mike: pickled blue fish, spicy watermelon, shallots, red chilies, potatoes, and oil. They also made striped bass with corn puree, tomato, aleppo spice rub and watermelon. Aleppo is a kind of pepper. The pickled fish is nice but some random person doesn’t like the potatoes. Gail thinks there’s something off about the other dish from that team. Jamie’s “cucumber water” is kind of pointless. They like Antonia’s use of the porgy. Tiffani’s dish lacks acidity and finish. Tom and Gail approach some random table to find out what they liked. Mike tries to hook Angelo up with some random girls.

Commercial interlude: everyone compares their competitors to fish. Mike is gassy so would be a blowfish, Tre is one of those fish that buries themselves on the floor, and Angelo is a mermaid. Hee.

Dale, Carla, Tre, Tiffany, Mike, and Angelo are called up first. These are the winners. The winner of the challenge gets to go to Amsterdam. Tiffany and Angelo cooked the bass perfectly. Mike made sauce, and I guess it doesn’t get any extra praise. Gail tells Dale the crowd went crazy for his taco. Hee. It was perfectly suited to the environment. Carla was very creative and it worked. Carla wins! Yay!

When they all get back to the Stew Room, Marcel refuses to congratulate Carla because he knows now that he’s on the bottom. No, really, that’s what he tells her. Asshat. Pretend to be glad for like 30 seconds. Marcel claims his team’s dish came about “organically” when it seemed like he told Richard and Fabio what they were doing. Richard wanted to do one dish really well, instead of 3 average dishes. Fabio says they were pushing each other, but Tom finds this a trust issue. They went for a restaurant dish, that ended up muddled and too much for the beach. It also sounds like they were given a dish to serve in, and then served it in something else? I’m not sure why or why that was a problem. Antonia’s dish was absolutely delicious, but her teammates dragged her down so she couldn’t win. Harsh. Jamie added water to cucumbers, to make cucumber water. Because apparently cucumbers don’t have enough water in them already. After the fish, the rest of her dish didn’t taste like anything but water. Tiffani left the bloodline in her fish. Oops. Gail demands that Antonia pass judgment on her teammates’ dishes. Oh, that’s mean. Antonia says she tasted parts but not whole dishes, and then Padma asks if she’d tasted them, if that would have made a difference. So…you want her to admit she would have left them to screw up? What is going on with this question? It puts Antonia in tears, and she says she doesn’t want to see anyone go home, so I guess now no one wants to hear an answer from her.

Tiffani left the bloodline in her fish, and her dish wasn’t refined. Jamie’s dish was bland and too light. The boys needed to edit, and they seem to feel Fabio didn’t contribute enough to the dish. I agree with Fabio, who was going to do all that prep work? And I didn’t hear anyone blaming uneven knife cuts for that dish failing. Gail agrees, and says Richard and Marcel were responsible for the concept of the dish, and should be blamed. Both Richard and Marcel were responsible for parts of the dish that failed.

Tom makes sure to tell Antonia that if she’d helped out her teammates, she wouldn’t have ended up in the bottom. Padma sends Jamie home, finally, but also Tiffani. Boo. Tiffani says she enjoyed her time and she’s’ different from her season. Jamie stands behind her dish, and she’s OK if they didn’t like it. Jamie wouldn’t change it for anything. Tiffani is going home to her girlfriend.

Next week: restaurant wars! Everyone argues and Tony is back! Clicky clicky

Top Chef:All Stars 1/5/11--"Dim Sum Lose Sum"

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: Everyone had to cook dishes for tennis players, except that Top Chef spent all their money on flashy graphics and things with the logo on them and probably Andy Cohen’s wardrobe so they couldn’t hire any actual tennis players to eat the food except for one. They must be broke. How else to you explain the silly Quickfire and having to make stuffing with no utensils? They must have sold them all. Anyway, as it turns out Tre wins the Quickfire and then ends up on the losing team in the Elimination challenge, but he’s immune so he doesn’t care. And Jamie once again doesn’t have to finish a dish and is safe from elimination, which I would care more about except that Spike lost and went home and I’m perfectly OK with that. Carla fought her team and made African groundnut stew which won, so yay for Carla. (click for more)

You guys, I’m already kind of offended by the episode title, and we haven’t even gotten to the episode yet. And I’m not even Chinese. It kind of makes me excited.

Casey tells everyone how Spike threw Angelo and Tiffany under the bus at Judges’ Table and blamed them for screwing up his dish. Angelo points out that Spike let him do stuff, and they were all there, so…what is the problem. Antonia calls it “chef Tourette’s”. Richard makes fun of Jamie for not cooking and calls her an octopus for some reason. I don’t get it either.

Padma gets to greet everyone by herself in a weird shirt with narrow horizontal stripes and mutton chop shoulders. I think her fashion sense is going backwards. She says something about getting food out on time, and then says they’re going to test their speed “against one of the nation’s best chefs”. This “mystery chef” (oh, you know who it is from the previews) will set the time to beat. Tom walks in, and this should be good. I have no doubt Tom will pwn every last one of them. Angelo tries to mess with his head, but no dice. Carla thinks this will be a 15 minute Quickfire. Everything is organized and there aren’t any wasted movements. I wonder if he practiced? He does knock a bin off the table and almost hits Padma. Hee. Marcel says something in confessional but his stupid ass gang signs piss me off so I don’t know what it was. Tom finishes his dish, which is black sea bass with clams, tomato, and zucchini, in 8:37. Ha! Everyone gets to taste it, and of course it’s delicious. Tom says it’s the last time he’ll do this. Aww, this was fun!

So…Padma then says they have to make a winning dish? They don’t have to copy Tom? Suck! I wanted them to have to copy Tom. However Tom does point out that if they try to weasel out of the challenge with something like tuna tartare they won’t win. And the winner gets immunity and a Prius. Getting the car curse out there early, are we? Marcel says something cocky so I hope he’s going home today.

Marcel dives for Tom’s leftover fish instead of going for the fridge like everyone else. Tre gives him props. Dale wishes for a wok. Angelo, even though he was told not to do a raw dish, is making a raw dish. Seriously, dude? Dale is trying to make noodles and failing. I’ve never seen people run this fast ever.

Antonia: seared ahi tuna, tarragon and fresh tomato salad. Richard: foie gras roasted with aromatics, corn, fresh coriander, and port. Tiffani: New England clam chowder with celery and cream. Fabio: clams, fish, zucchini, tomato broth, thyme and garlic. Tom casually mentions that the ingredients seem familiar, with a sly parting look, and Fabio calls after him that Tom must lead by example. Hee. Angelo: yuzu branzino crudo with jalapeno and cilantro. Tiffany: pan seared bass with tomato relish, olives and capers. Tre: grilled beef tenderloin, seared foie gras with mushrooms and brandy sauce. Carla: shrimp with mango, cilantro, and mint. Dale: well, the chyron SAYS “pad Thai with egg noodles” but the plate is one sad noodle, with some sauce splashed around it in a ring. It’s horrible, according to Dale. Casey: spice-rubbed filet and fresh tomato relish. Marcel: black sea bass with dashi broth, bok choy, and chili oil. He’s had a chance to clean up his plates, because I seem to remember a shot of a very messy plate. Mike: pan roasted branzino with black olive and caper stew. Marcel interviews that they like Mike’s dish so maybe they still taste his dish? Oh, so now you’re forcing me to choose between Marcel and Mike?! God this sucks. Jamie: clam amuse bouche with bacon, tomato, and cream. Jamie couldn’t get her clams into the pot on time so since she only got one cooked she called it an amuse bouche. Clever.

Dale obviously failed, as did Jamie. Plus Angelo did exactly what they told the chefs not to do. Mike had a flavorful dish, Richard’s was “nice”, and Marcel also did well in the short time. The winner is Mike. Sigh. Well, at least Marcel is pissed.

Today’s Elimination challenge: go to Chinatown. Marcel interviews that going to Chinatown is like going to China because it’s full of Chinese people speaking Chinese. Shut up, Marcel. They will go to Grand Harmony and serve dim sum. Ha! Dim sum? Dim sum is like a buffet in that you have to constantly have food and you cannot run out of anything or you fail. With the added challenge of plating everything. They will work as one team. Poor Fabio is not pleased at having to make Asian food again. Dale is looking for redemption. They must keep the food carts full at all times. And shop in Chinatown, so that should be fun. Tony Bourdain’s blog says that what we are about to see is actually a normal day, and that dim sum in Hong Kong is even worse, and that is when people know what they are doing. So…there really is no way this will turn out well.

Mike’s Prius is outside, and Marcel makes a “Jersey Shore” joke but Mike doesn’t act like that so it’s pointless.

Menu planning at the loft. Richard correctly identifies dim sum as “Chinese tapas”, which is pretty accurate. I think the difference is that tapas can be cooked and plated like regular restaurant dishes while dim sum has to be cooked and plated constantly. Jamie says something about scallops, which she made like a million times her season. Mike volunteers to expedite, as he’s immune. Two of them must also be front of house, trying to get people to eat their food. Jamie argues that she doesn’t trust them with her dishes (if she’s pushing the cart, someone else will be finishing her food). Casey and Carla end up volunteering to do it. Mike insists he won’t have time to make two dishes. Some people are doing two or three dishes. Angelo is taking his usual role of trying to boss everyone around, but we all know Mike is not going to listen. Dale and Angelo are going to do three dishes. Marcel says some asshat comment again, and I’m pretty sure at this point he’s just saying shit to have more camera time. Upstairs they drink, except for Dale sits by himself and talks about his girlfriend and how much he’d like the money. Uh oh. Meanwhile the drunk people are talking about bras, with Tiffani saying “I’m a 36 DD, if I didn’t wear bras, you’d have gotten hurt in the Quickfire today.” Hee. Antonia starts screaming about getting jalapeno in her eye, and goes to wash it out. Tiffani hands her a bra to wipe her eye with, and the guys pretty much run out of the room. Hee!

Asian market! I love the Asian market by my parents’ house. It’s so much fun and they have awesome stuff. Fabio says he has a turtle that he takes for walks. Oo…kay. No one seems to know what is going on for sure. Antonia is going to do a dish with Jamie, and she’s skeptical, but she’s trying to be a team player. Casey is making chicken feet, which Tiffani likens to “making gumbo in New Orleans”. True.

3 ½ hours to prep. Strange kitchen and strange equipment. Dale says it’s his challenge to lose. Fabio is trying to braise ribs in the oven and then grill them, but there’s no grill and the oven won’t go above 300. Interesting. Each chef is making 180 portions of each dish. Jamie’s dumplings aren’t working out at all, so the dish she’s doing with Antonia isn’t getting done at all. Casey is discovering that chicken feet have claws she has to cut off. Then she says she likes butchering and she wants to be a bad ass female butcher. Carla is making summer rolls and doesn’t know why she’s making something “fiddly”. Tre is worried about his dessert because it’s so hot in the kitchen. Angelo says his dad used to make him sort rice and that if there was a black grain left “[his] ass was grass”. That doesn’t sound like a happy childhood memory. But his dad was proud when he made the finals his season. Upstairs there are a lot of Chinese people arriving for dim sum. Casey is setting up her station and leaving it for Antonia. Fabio’s short ribs are perfect and he calls it a “Top Chef miracle”.

So…as we begin, we get chyrons about how Mike is “The Expeditor” and Carla and Casey are “The Runners”, like we didn’t already know that. Mike is upstairs, calling downstairs to the kitchen to get things fired. Then Tiffany puts them in the dumbwaiter so they can be taken out to the dining room. Guest judge is Suser Lee, who is awesome. Tiffani: Chinese cabbage, cilantro, and sesame salad with crispy curry chicken. Fabio: soy honey glazed spicy pork rib. Carla: vegetable summer roll with lemongrass dipping sauce. Angelo: shrimp and pork spring roll. Marcel: boneless chicken wing with scallion mayonnaise. Downstairs Tiffany hollers for food, as everyone is slow. Angelo’s rolls need dipping sauce but are well cooked. Fabio’s ribs are indeed a miracle. Richard’s dish (which we didn’t see but I think it’s sausage rolled in cabbage) is alcoholic, as the wine didn’t burn off. Marcel’s wings are bland. Tiffani’s salad is tasty but Gail complains that all she has is sesame. Carla’s rolls look pretty but they don’t taste like anything but rice noodles.

Everyone is taking too much time to plate. Antonia and Jamie can’t agree on their dish. Mike, Tre, and Dale show up at the judges’ table with trays so the judges can get fed, at least. Antonia and Jamie: long beans with Chinese sausage. Dale and Angelo: cheung fun with XO shrimp. Cheung fun is a rice noodle roll, and XO is a spicy sauce. Dale (by himself): sweet sticky rice with Chinese bacon, wrapped in banana leaf. Tiffany: spicy pork with vegetables in a steamed bun. Tre: orange ginger dessert with fresh water chestnuts, toasted pine nuts and Thai basil, served in a hollowed-out orange peel. Food finally is coming out of the kitchen, and people are getting up from their tables and taking food off the carts, instead of waiting for the carts to come to them. Antonia doesn’t know if she can finish both her dishes and Casey’s dishes. Gail predicts a revolt. Some woman says all she knows about what she just ate is that it was fried meat of some type. Someone calls it “Caucasian dim sum”. Ha ha! It’s kind of refreshing to have people talk about the food and it’s NOT praise. Mike says if he was working there he’d have been fired. The XO shrimp is very spicy but good. The rice is delicious, but the long beans are overcooked and greasy. Tiffany’s pork is very Chinese. Dessert has the wrong texture. Casey complains her dish doesn’t look right, and Antonia has been ignoring it. It’s taking too long to plate, and people are walking out. Tom comes down, which freaks everyone out. As Carla puts it: “When you see that your daddy has shown up where he’s not supposed to be, you know you’re in trouble.” Perfect. Dale is calmly plating, a little too calmly for some people, but he says he’s been putting out 15 plates at a time, and if others think someone is slacking they should say so, and say it to their face.

Casey: Chinese chicken feet and scallion pancake. The chicken feet look black, which is not particularly appetizing. It’s supposed to be like chicken and waffles. Antonia: shrimp toast with pickled scallions and mushrooms. Mike: pork and prawn steamed dumplings with spicy soy sauce. Jamie: scallop dumplings with water chestnuts and Chinese chives. The spicy soy sauce is too strong. The chicken feet are not cooked right. Jamie’s dumplings have too much wrapper and not enough scallop. Finally near the end of service they catch up but it’s too late.

Commercial interlude: Tiffani says there’s nothing more humiliating to a chef than leaving people hungry. Someone says it’s worse than Restaurant Wars.

In the Stew Room, Antonia complains about how everyone looked out for themselves and had no sense of urgency, but Tiffany calls her on how she neglected Casey’s dish. Antonia makes it sound like she did everyone a favor by stepping up to cover Casey when no one else would, but we already heard from Casey that Antonia abandoned it so it rings false. Padma asks for Casey, Antonia, Carla, Jamie, and Tre. Padma says they’re all there because they needed to be speedy but it was dismal. So were they the slowest? Had the worst dishes? I don’t understand, but I think I heard the Loser Gong. Antonia claims there was a plan, when Tom asks, and she says the plan was to have Mike downstairs making them do stuff. None of them got enough food out, plus they were the worst dishes. Jamie kind of nods, and then admits the dumplings didn’t turn out. She bought wrappers that are supposed to be steamed, not boiled, so they were heavy. The long beans had too much oil, and Antonia says Jamie cooked the dish while she just prepped. Antonia’s shrimp toast, though, was delicious. Casey didn’t cook her chicken feet enough, and people left them on the tables. Her pancakes were supposed to be light, but Tom says they were lead. She tells the judges Antonia was supposed to make her dish while she was serving food. They try to get Antonia to admit Casey’s dish was bad, but all of a sudden Antonia is going to cry and it’s so much and it’s sad they didn’t have time to help each other and ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION. Tre knew his dessert wasn’t executed properly, but it tasted good. Carla’s noodles were bland, and Gail and Suser nail her for trying to make her dish pretty without making it taste good.

Tiffany, Angelo, Dale, and Fabio are the winners. Fabio jokes that he thought they were going to kick him out without bothering with Judges’ Table, and Tom jokes that they thought about it. Suser says it’s amazing that Fabio doesn’t have a lot of experience with Chinese culture. Tiffany’s pork buns were delicious and Gail calls them “savory marshmallows”. Dale’s rice was flavored well by the banana leaf, and Angelo was authentic. Suser says that the winner is Dale. Yay! He knows service sucked, but he’s not about to give up his win.

Jamie both had poor dumplings and cooked the long beans poorly. Antonia was also involved in the beans but her shrimp toast was so great that had she left the beans to Jamie she would have been in the top. Tom calls Tre’s dessert “hospital food”. Casey’s chicken feet were a disaster. Carla’s roll was bland.

Tom is harsh to everyone, and then Padma sends Casey home. Holy shit. Oh, everyone is going to be pissed Jamie’s still there. Even Casey says she expected Jamie to go home, everyone did, even Jamie. She left her dish to Antonia, so I guess she’s blaming her. Damn. Tom’s blog says her chicken feet were inedible, and Jamie’s dishes, while sucky, could still be eaten.

Next week: fishing, double elimination, Marcel is an asshat, Dale might beat his ass. Hey, it might be justified this time. Clicky clicky

Top Chef:All Stars 12/22/10--"Advantage Chef" summary

Previously on "Top Chef": there was a mise en place relay race, sort of, and then everyone had to cook for various restaurant owners, in different styles that perhaps they are no good at. DaleT won, because he made eggs for Wylie Dufresne who loves eggs. Stephen and DaleL went home, which is sad because I like Dale. (click for more)

Oh, they let everyone escape the house and go to a bar. How nice of them. Casey misses Dale. Tiffani "cannot allow" being in the bottom again. Dale doesn't want to sit on his laurels. Mike thinks Angelo is his biggest challenge. Whatever, dude.

Tony Mantuano, who was on Top Chef Masters, has the Quickfire challenge for everyone. The chefs must make stuffing. Really we're talking about dressing, as it's only stuffing if you actually stuff things with it, but we'll pretend for today. Tiffani says that stuffing is very different from region to region and also home to home. Tony puts Italian ingredients in his. Oh, boo, it's a [product placement] challenge. For broth. Don't pretend these people wouldn't rather make their own broth/stock/pretty much anything. Padma pretends this Quickfire will settle the debate of whose stuffing is the best. For added fun, they cannot use any knives or kitchen tools. Mike pretends he saw it coming. What is the point of this twist? I know it's a reality show so they need a gimmick but this is so pointless. Fabio is going to crush things with his head. Winner gets immunity AND $20,000. Tre has two daughters and he says "girls are expensive".

45 minutes to cook. Everyone shoves each other around the fridges while Casey and Carla stay out of the way. All that is left for Carla is quinoa. Casey is going Asian, which is out of her comfort zone, but she says if you're here to just cook food you already know how to cook, you're in the wrong place. Yeah, I can see that. People are pounding things and Fabio is grating cheese on the bars of shelving units and who knows what all is going on. Tiffani talks about her mom's stuffing and how her mom kicks them all out of the house and when they get back it's "Jedi fucking stuffing." Hee. Tre's family doesn't like his cooking? Wait, they can't use utensils but they can use the liquid nitrogen? Tre is freezing things to crush them with a pot. Many people are grabbing quail or Cornish hens or something so they really are making stuffing. Carla thinks her quinoa is undercooked.

Casey: mushrooms with crispy chicken liver, miso cake, mushroom dashi. Jamie: stuffing crepinette with pork, lemon oil, broth. A crepinette is a "sausage parcel", according to Wikipedia. Carla: Thai inspired vegetable stuffing with black quinoa salad. She calls it "undone-te", and when Tony is like "Why did you call it al dente?" she corrects him. Hee. Spike: stuffed quail with raisins, herbs, port and apricot glaze. Marcel: whole squab, stuffing with raisin brioche, cherries, currants, and ras al hanout gravy. Richard: pressure cooked onion, nitro fried fennel, raisins and pine nuts. Tre: Southwestern stuffing with bacon, cheddar, bell pepper, chili powder. Dale: Spanish influenced stuffing with crabs, oysters, chili lemon aioli, grapes, olives. Tiffani: soy maple stuffing with quail, grilled mushrooms and quartered grapes. Fabio: polenta bread, vegetables, smoked bacon and grated parmesean.

Tony says overall they did well. Carla is on the bottom, which she expected, and her stuffing is maybe closer to cereal. Tiffani's stuffing was too sweet, and she thinks her mom would kill her. Casey I think was too deconstructed. Tre's was spicy but well balanced, and Marcel's had a good bird too. The winner is Tre. Marcel looks kind of pissed.

Elimination challenge: Cook at the US Open. Oh, sorry, at "the home of" the US Open. Padma says some line about healthy food, and then makes everyone pick a tennis ball can. See, if you had just let them draw knives, then you wouldn't have to spend money on tennis ball cans with the logo on them, and then you wouldn't have to beg money off of advertisers and end up with stupid [product placement] challenges. This divides everyone into two teams. Spike whines about his team because he has no "allies". They will serve dishes one at a time, head-to-head. Winner of each battle gets a point for their team, first team to 4 wins. Padma says that chefs on the winning team will be up for the win, but only those chefs who lost a point on the losing team will be up for elimination. Interesting, as it means someone with a poor dish will skate through if their team wins. They will have to use some strategy about when to play strong dishes. 15 minutes of menu planning now.

Angelo argues that the other team (with Richard and Marcel) will go too cerebral. Carla wants to make African peanut soup, but Dale for some reason feels the lack of meat is not appropriate for the US Open. Marcel starts to argue about dishes, but Mike claims they all have to agree on everything. Yeah, but you're putting your name on a dish, which will cause YOU to go home. They aren't being judged on a total menu.

Back in the loft, everyone splits up to plan, even though this means they all go over 15 minutes. Spike decides they should put their weakest dish up first, because this will cause the other team to "waste" their best dish. That only works if you're sure that's what the other team is doing. Jamie interviews that she's just kind of going along with it to avoid fighting.

30 minutes for shopping. Tre's been eating healthy so he feels good about this challenge. Carla is going to make whatever she wants. Good for her.

3 hours to cook at the US Open. The teams shake out this way: One team is Marcel, Carla, Richard, Fabio, Mike, Dale, and Antonia. The other team is Angelo, Spike, Jamie, Tiffani, Tiffany, Tre, and Casey. Richard has a punny name for his dish. Antonia admits that rather than play sports she smoked pot in high school. Hee. Fabio is making gnocchi, which might backfire for being too heavy. He can't find a paddle to mix so he's making them by hand. Jamie is making dried chickpeas which might not get done in time. Angelo for some reason doesn't like the look of his fish, which he himself purchased. He asks Tre if he can have some salmon for sashimi. Tre knows that even though he has immunity, helping Angelo will screw him, so he throws Tiffany under the bus and laughs about it. Wow...that's kind of cold and I love it. Tiffany is a nice person so she gives Angelo some tuna.

Tom time! Jamie says they have a secret plan she can't tell him. Actually no one will tell him, and Antonia laughs about it in interview, although in the kitchen she seems pretty interested in what people are telling Tom. Finally Angelo and Spike tell him what they're doing. Tom just kind of chuckles.

Carla gets distracted while cutting and cuts off half her fingernail. Good job. She asks them to bandage it up and keep going, which is called "manning up" by Dale and also "professional". Antonia makes sure to slam Jamie about it. I think the only person who can legitimately slam Jamie for that is Jen. I'm glad you all will work through cutting off your finger but other people won't so shut up about it. I don't hear Carla going on about it. Jamie's chickpeas aren't cooking. Spike has to make new shrimp and he blames the time factor for any lack of "seasoning and love".

They get to set up and serve on an actual tennis court. Well, along the sides anyway. The court itself is roped off. Bravo paid some random people to show up and watch them cook for some reason. Spike says they tasted everyone's dishes except Jamie's, and an unfinished dish by definition is the worst dish so she should go first.

First dishes are due. Fabio asks to go first, with confidence. The other team tries to force Jamie to go, but she refuses because her dish is not ready. Casey finally volunteers, and Spike whines because no one is paying attention to his strategery. Guest judge is Taylor Dent who is a tennis player. I don't watch tennis so I can tell you nothing about him. Fabio: whole wheat gnocchi with pork loin ragout, caramelized fennel and zucchini. Casey: grilled pork tenderloin with farro, cherries, sugar snap peas, and vinaigrette. Everyone likes Fabio's dish as Casey's is deemed too heavy. Fabio leaps over the tennis net and goes to his knees like a soccer player who just scored a goal. Nice.

Marcel is supposed to go second but Dale says his dumplings have to go now. Marcel complains that they should have told him before he started plating, which is a valid complaint, but then he throws his utensils around and has a tantrum. Angelo takes over and says they should just go for it now, no dumb strategy, so Tiffani goes up. Dale: edamame dumpling, spicy carrot froth, crispy soy nuts. Tiffani: sashimi of black bass, avocado and ponzu vinaigrette. Tiffani wins, as her dish is light and tasty. Dale curses.

Angelo vs. Marcel. Well...at least it'll be full of posturing. Angelo is 100% confident his dish will win. Smoked tuna, yuzu gelee, red onion and capers. It's one bite, served on a plastic spoon. And froth. Marcel: cauliflower couscous with pomegranate seeds, golden raisins, and yellowfin tuna. Tom can't taste the tuna, and he and everyone else goes with Angelo. Marcel curses and complains that Angelo always serves on a spoon. Does he?

Jamie says she hopes she won't have to go at all. I guess...if your team got their 4 points then the other matchups wouldn't matter, but everyone should still have to serve food, right? That doesn't seem fair. Angelo is futzing with everyone's food and Tiffani is irritated. Tiffany (who is the one actually up): spiced tuna with fennel, peppercorns, coriander seeds and lentil salad. Antonia: scallop, Indian lentil puree, mint, dandelion greens, cilantro and chives. Antonia wins.

Richard and Spike, who says he's the best they have left and he's afraid of Richard. Angelo and Tiffani are really "aggressive" about Spike's dish, as they've already heard the judges' comments. To the point where Angelo is adding gelee to Spike's food. Oh, you'll have to shove him out of the way before he'll leave you alone. Spike just leaves it and takes the food up, while interviewing that this is no longer his dish. You're going to get the same thing everyone else gets: you should stand up for yourself and make your own food. Spike: tomato tamarind soup, olive oil poached shrimp, pineapple, tomatoes and dill. Richard: "Thai-bouleh" with lamb, herbs, and yogurt. Curse his stupid naming he always does, but it looks good, anyway. Both proteins apparently suck, but Richard's tabbouleh saves him.

Carla vs. Tre. Jamie's chickpeas STILL aren't cooked, after all this time, which makes me think she has no idea what she's doing. Casey worries that Tre has immunity, so if he loses and their team loses, he's still safe. Did you just figure that out? Mike is worried about Carla's dish, to the point that he's assuming she'll lose and is getting his stuff ready. Angelo offers to help Tre, and ends up burning some of the fish. You guys just need to tell Angelo to get lost, seriously. Carla: African groundnut soup with baked sweet potatoes, adzuki beans, and peanuts. Adzuki beans are what they make sweet bean paste out of. I bet it's good soup. Tre: Coho salmon, parsnip puree, olive oil sauce with citrus, tomatoes, and olives. Carla wins and her team goes insane, pretty much. But I still think Mike and Jamie should have to serve. Tiffany says Spike's plan was stupid anyway. Wait, Jamie didn't have to finish her dish and she's not even eligible for elimination. See my point?

Commercial interlude: Everyone dances and Mike is an obnoxious frat boy but everyone says they love that he's a big kid and makes them playful. Sure.

Mike asks Jamie if she's upset she didn't get to serve, and she claims she wanted to present her food. Spike complains AGAIN that she had the worst food. Fabio, Carla, Richard, and Antonia are up first for the win. I guess you're really only up for the win if you win your point, not just if you're on the winning team. Winner gets a trip to Italy. Gail says this is the best food ever. Richard says their team just randomly picked out people to go, and it probably helped them to not have a strategy. Carla's soup was homey but she elevated it. Antonia layered her flavors very well. Richard's tabbouleh tasted great. Tony says to Fabio that light gnocchi is "a miracle". Carla wins! Yay! I love Carla. She gloats about winning with her dish that her team didn't want her to make.

Casey, Tiffany, Tre, and Spike are up. Back in the Stew Room Richard says to Jamie "You've got a story going now". She fires back that she's trying not to be offended but what exactly is that supposed to mean? It means that it's an "odd" story because she hasn't cooked (she didn't cook for the museum challenge and didn't cook this time either). Jamie just shrugs, like, "Whatevs, I'm not going home for it" and Richard I think is surprised at the non-reaction. Well, she hasn't cooked. I don't think she's so stupid she'd pretend that's not the case. Padma asks the losers about their "strategy", and Spike shares his idea. Casey shakes her head, and Gail is like, you thought Casey's dish was the WORST? but he claims that's not what he said. You said you were going to put your worst dish first. Casey went first. Shut up, Spike. Spike tries to throw Jamie under the bus but Tom points out his strategy failed since she's not even in danger of going home. Plus as Tom points out in his blog, they could have told Jamie "Tough shit, you're going" and then shouted her name at Padma, forcing her to go first. Then Spike throws Angelo and Tiffani under the bus for screwing with his dish. Tre pretty much laughs at him. Gail asks if Angelo messed with Spike's dish without asking, and Spike hems and haws enough that I think he gave Angelo permission. The dish was too sweet, but Tom says that's because the shrimp were bland. Tom asks Tiffany if Angelo sabotaged Spike, as Tiffany was there in Angelo's season where he interfered with things. She said she thought so at first, but in the end, you cook your own food. Ha. Tiffany's salad was overdressed and "flaccid", and her fish was lacking something. Tre's fish was overcooked and his dish was the judges' least favorite, but since he has immunity that's all we're going to hear about that. Casey's dish was heavy, but she argues that it's "hearty, so...you can feel like you can eat a lot of it without feeling guilty". Is that how she defines "hearty"? With the pork loin it was too much. She argues (with a lot of hand waving) that she disagrees.

Spike FINALLY, in the Stew Room, stands up for himself and his dish. Tiffany tells him he's responsible for himself. Tre would have gone home, it sounds like. Spike's dish didn't need yuzu, it needed salt. Tom says he shouldn't have let anyone touch his dish. Casey disagreed with the judges, but understood what they objected too. I think also they just feel it's bad luck she lost. Tiffany's dish was underseasoned and lacking something to make it perfect.

Tom says to stick to the system, and then Spike gets sent home. Good, take your asshat and go. He says he got screwed and of course, there are people worse than him who should have gone home. Like the people on his team. But of course he is still "the best of the best".

Next week: cooking against Tom and working in a Chinese restaurant. People are ready to walk out. So...Hell's Kitchen, then. Clicky clicky

Top Chef:All Stars 12/15/10--"New York's Finest"

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: for some inexplicable reason a Jonas brother showed up to have the chefs make snacks for a children’s sleepover at the American Museum of Natural History. I didn’t hear anyone say it had to be healthy, but I think some people did. Tiffani was praised for her sugar bombs, though, so I guess in the end it didn’t matter. Spike also was praised, and in a situation that was NOT CONTRIVED AT ALL there was a tie so they had to make teams and have the kids decide between the two snacks. Of course, sugar wins over carrot chips and Tiffani’s prize is to pick what menu she wants for the Elimination challenge: all meat or all plants. She picks meat, making the false assumption (as I did) that she could still use things like herbs and flour. Nope, meat, eggs, dairy. Oh, and the challenge was to make breakfast for everyone on less than an hour’s sleep. The vegan team did quite well, winning and awarding Richard, Angelo, and Marcel the win for banana parfaits. Jen went home for soggy pork belly, but not before she called out all the judges and was generally belligerent and defensive. It was kind of awesome. (click for more)

So I guess instead of doing “Previously on” clip sequences, they have a couple of clips and then some interview pieces from everyone as they hang out in the Stew Room. Mainly the comments this time revolve around how Jamie didn’t need to go to the hospital to get two stitches in her thumb. Tom said she had never gotten stitches before, but I will admit that I had more sympathy for her before I knew how many stitches she needed.

David Chang is next to Padma for the Quickfire. He owns a bunch of restaurants. Today it is time for the mise en place relay race! The teams are divided randomly based on what order they wandered into the kitchen. First, as a team, they will all need to prep artichokes, meat, and garlic. Aww…not the mise en place relay race. After that, then they have to make one dish using the ingredients. The first team to finish their prep will start the 15 minute clock. So…if you are slow, you won’t get enough time to cook? Interesting. I hope later they have the usual relay race, though. I like it. Oh, and of course, no immunity for the winners. However, each winning team member gets $5000.

Each team has racks of lamb (they have to french the bones, I think), artichokes to clean, and garlic to crush. Fabio is using two cutting boards to smash piles of garlic. Tre’s restaurant had their own butchers to do this. Marcel for some reason is thrilled because he has some magic method for cleaning lamb bones. DaleL tells us that Casey is flying through the lamb, probably because during the relay race in her season, she had dull knives and failed at chopping onions. Woo, flashback shot of CJ! Fabio is the only one smashing garlic in volume. Everyone else is doing one or maybe two cloves at a time, so Fabio’s team finishes that part first. Tiffani is using a mandolin for some reason. Mike sadly finishes the lamb, and he’s on Fabio’s team. They finish the artichokes and no one else is anywhere near finished with anything. Like…everyone else only has one thing done. David makes Spike rechop the garlic which makes me laugh. Sadly his team finishes next, with 12 minutes to make something. DaleL’s team gets 10 minutes to cook. Tiffani’s team is still working. Casey’s team has decided to make lamb carpaccio, since it’s raw and they won’t have to take time to cook it. FINALLY Tiffani’s team finishes, and makes the same decision since they have 8 minutes 40 seconds to make something. Lots of frantic flailing and plating.

The white team (Tiffani, Marcel, DaleT, and Carla) were the last ones done. Lamb carpaccio, artichoke chips, artichoke salad, garlic oil. The blue team (Stephen, Tre, Spike, and Richard) took 12 minutes to make crispy lamb chop with artichoke 3 ways. “Crispy” is not an adjective I want describing my meat. The 3 ways are raw, crispy, and braised. The red team (Antonia, Casey, Jamie, and DaleL) get a greeting of “Hello, ladies” from Padma, as DaleL slowly raises his hand in the back. Hee. Lamb carpaccio with capers, garlic, reggiano, and salad with artichoke. The green team (Tiffany, Fabio, Mike, and Angelo) had the full 15 minutes to cook. Lamb with garlic, tandoori spiced yogurt, slivers of artichoke, dill salad.

The red team had too much parmesan and parsley, and the green team had too much thyme and dill. Aww, and Mike JUST got done bragging about how he won. Ha. Angelo is embarrassed. The white team had a complex dish, and apparently “crispy” lamb chops are good. The blue team wins. Richard claims that because he took the lead on the dish (they didn’t have time to collaborate on anything so he kind of just gave orders) that his team trusts him and that’s better than money.

When they go to talk about the Elimination challenge, there’s a wide shot and you can see the floor of the kitchen is just covered in random pieces of artichoke and things. Padma says something about elite restaurants or whatever, and then says each team will go to “one of New York’s finest restaurants” to experience the food and then each one has to make a dish the head chef of that restaurant would put on the menu. Interesting. The restaurants are ma peche (David‘s restaurant, Asian) david burke townhouse (modern American), Marea (Italian), and wd-50. Awesome. You know Marcel and Richard will die if they don’t go to wd-50. Oh, I get it now. Each team drew one knife and that whole team will go to that restaurant. So the team competes against itself, basically. The black team is going to ma peche (Angelo is thrilled), red team to townhouse, blue team to Marea, and white team to wd-50 (meaning Marcel gets to go there). Casey is kind of nervous because DaleL already cooks American food. Then Padma breaks the news that two of them are going home. Fabio curses because he has to make Asian food.

Everyone goes to their restaurants, meets the chefs, takes notes. And why was Fabio cursing? Because ma peche serves French-Vietnamese. Heh. Angelo babbles while Tiffany sits there and realizes how annoying he is. They all look kind of worried. While at Marea, apparently a place where Stephen eats all the time, Tre is served sea urchin crostini. Well, they all are, but Tre doesn’t like sea urchin so much. Neither do I, dude. Stephen gets all Stephen about everything, which is to say, arrogant and obnoxious. Tre just kind of rolls his eyes. Richard knows he will have to have restraint. Wylie Dufresne looks the same as always. Poor Carla! I feel for her. I mean…they’re being served aerated foie gras that looks like a sponge. DaleT is going to make eggs because Wylie likes them. Carla is full on freaking out. And then we go over to townhouse, where the chefs are served cocktails in glasses that have fish in the bottom. You know those martini glasses that are one piece that is a cone, and the other piece is a bowl you’re supposed to put ice in to keep your drink cold? Inside the bowl piece they’ve put water and a live fish. Crazy. This food is really playful and wacky. DaleL is in heaven. Everyone else (Antonia, Jamie, and Casey) is very worried.

Back at the loft Stephen thinks he is in good shape. That’s about all that happens in that segment. I guess the point is to make sure you know Stephen is confident. So that’s a bad sign for him.

Everyone gets 2 hours to cook. Mike is still an asshat about everyone else, but he at least understands that he is competing against Angelo, making Asian food, and that could be a problem for him. Antonia wants to make peas and carrots but elevated. Carla is trying to stretch herself, and I’m worried for her. Stephen breaks a blender, maybe, and Richard is totally aware of his flailing. Tre laughs that people call him “The Black Italian”. I can’t tell if he’s serious. Everyone puts their hands up when time is up, except for Spike who has plates in his hands. There is a shot of Tre with his hands up, and Spike behind him very calmly and quietly saying “I can’t put my hands up right now”. Hee.

Kate Krader, who is an editor at “Food and Wine”, is here instead of Gail for some reason, along with Tom and Tony and the owner of whatever restaurant they’re in. The blue team, at Marea, is up first. Tre: grilled swordfish, braised artichoke, mushroom panna cotta, basil oil. Spike: seared branzino with caponata and spicy prosciutto vinaigrette. Richard: crudo of Spanish mackerel, braised veal shank, fennel mustarda. The veal is stuffed into onions carved to look like squid, Richard makes sure to mention. Stephen: Coho salmon, Black Mission figs, broccoli rapini, fennel pollen. Does pollen really taste like anything? Spike made a good dish, but it isn’t really “caponata” (like eggplant relish, I think) and he gets dinged for making everyone expect one thing and not delivering. They love Richard’s dish. Apparently pollen does have a flavor, if you use enough of it. A bad flavor. Tony says it tastes like a head shop. Tre’s food is simple and perfectly cooked.

I would like to go on record and say I do not like Padma’s dress. Fabio says his task is like asking an Asian grandma to make fresh pasta and osso bucco to please him. Angelo is putting white chocolate with his dish, for some unfathomable Angelo reason. Fabio: roasted lamb, hoisin plum BBQ sauce, corn tomato salad, lemongrass chevre ricotta (which he made himself). Tiffany: crudo of summer flounder, pickled radish, peach puree. Mike: warm sockeye salmon, eggplant, marinated tomatoes and pickled peach. Angelo: turmeric marinated fish (what kind of fish, Angelo?), dill, cilantro, salmon roe, chorizo, and white chocolate. They love Angelo’s dish, so the chocolate paid off. Sadly they like Mike’s too. Fabio’s dish is heavy, and they aren’t really thrilled with the combination. Tiffany is missing the one thing that would elevate it. Plus I think they are bored with the crudo.

DaleL is asking Casey for advice on everything, and he has a huge number of things going on. DaleL: roasted veal loin, peanuts, popcorn, French toast, corn puree, thyme caramel. Weird. Antonia: pea puree, carrot puree, seared scallop, pickled carrot. She put the purees in concentric circles so it looks very pretty. Casey: coconut halibut “scallop” (she cut the halibut to look like a scallop), tapioca pearl “caviar”, ginger-carrot emulsion. Jamie: smoked tomato and bacon soup with heirloom tomato salad. I think it sounds good, but they want more creativity and more wow factor from Jamie’s dish. DaleL is too sweet and it’s like a sweet dish with a veal chop. They love Casey’s dish. Tom thinks Antonia’s dish is very salty but David Burke (the chef) likes aggressive seasoning.

Dear Campbell’s Soup: My sister and I have been eating your Vegetable Beef Soup over rice for at least 15 years. I’ll let you know where you can send the royalty checks.

Commercial interlude: Marcel tells DaleT apparently some time in the past one of Wylie’s sous chefs accused him of stealing some techniques. Wait, you took a preview clip from the commercial interlude??

Andy Cohen if I thought that by watching your stupid fucking show I could eliminate YOU I would be all over it. But since I know you’ll be around to plague me forever you can forget about it.

DaleT doesn’t know Wylie’s techniques so he’s not going to try and screw it up. Tiffani thinks she shouldn’t have frozen her melons. Real quote. DaleT: sunny side up egg dumpling, braised pork belly, milk ramen with bacon, beef, and pork. Yum. Tiffani: broken summer heirloom melons with powdered ham and taleggio. The melons were vacuum packed, frozen, and then broken up with a hammer. Carla: poached shrimp, grits, and okra chips. It looks good but not crazy. Marcel: vadouvan lamb, tzatziki, pickled red onion, and “anti-flatbread”. The flatbread is supposed to be like the aerated foie gras, and “vadouvan” is a spice blend that has Indian and French elements. Tiffani’s dish had to much going on and the melon is an intruder. They absolutely love DaleT’s dish, and they think the broth tastes like buttered toast. Carla’s dish is safe, but technically well done. Tony was afraid Marcel’s dish would be crazy, but it was timid. Wylie thinks he knows how to use all the equipment, but he didn’t use it to improve the dishes.

In the Stew Room, Carla brags about using the immersion circulator. Padma calls DaleT, Angelo, Antonia, and Tre as the top group. The winner of this challenge gets a week in New Zealand. Nice. Antonia’s flavors were delicious, Angelo’s white chocolate was “genius”. Tre perfectly cooked his fish. Tony asks DaleT if he was aware that Wylie is “a total egg slut”. Hee. Of course he was! He used restraint to keep from overdoing it with the techniques. The winner today is DaleT. Sweet. I wonder if Wylie is going to steal the dish.

Stephen, Tiffani, Fabio, and DaleL get called out. No Loser Gong, though. I am sad about this group. Someone I like will be going home. Fabio tries to defend himself, knowing he just threw in ingredients, but his sauce was too thick and it needed a thinner sauce. Stephen is frustrated because he’s cocky and feels he should have nailed it. He knows he put too much on the plate. Tony didn’t like the pollen. Tiffani made everything watery and mushy. She’s upset. DaleL was trying to be crazy, and says he was inspired by a dish of his that is buttermilk French toast with banana black pepper caramel. See, that sounds delicious! The judges point out that maybe he shouldn’t have put veal in a breakfast dish.

DaleT’s dish didn’t taste good; too sweet. Stephen’s fish was perfect, but he kept going when he should have stopped. Fabio had Asian ingredients, but he kind of threw them all in together in a pile. Tiffani had one technique too many and it ruined the dish.

I find it interesting that Tom reminds everyone of how they screwed up but it’s Padma that ultimately sends people home. Stephen and DaleT are sent home. Aww. I like Dale. Stephen, I’m OK with. He’s kind of out of his league. Dale is sad, but Stephen also admits he’s out of his league. Dale wants back on the next All Star season.

Next week: the U.S. Open, someone cuts themselves, some fighting, Gail says “flaccid”. I'm not sure when I can write the recap because of the holiday, but I'll try. Clicky clicky

TAR17, Recap Leg 12, 12/12/10

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on It’s All About Seoul, teams raced from Hong Kong to Seoul, South Korea. There was a visit to the border, and Nick and Vicki falling extremely behind. This led to their elimination, which left two awesome teams (and an asshat): Nat and Kat, the doctors and best friends, Brook and Claire, the HSN hosts, and Jill and Thomas, the YDC. Who will win The Amazing Race 17? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jill/Thomas, Team Who?
2nd – Brook/Claire, Team Infomercial
3rd – Nat/Kat, Team ER

Temple of Heaven, Seoul, South Korea

3:57 AM Jill/Thomas (1st)
Clue: Fly 6000 miles to your FINAL DESTINATION CITY: Los Angeles, California, USA! Once there, take a taxi to the Port of Long Beach and find Pier J.

Thomas: “Oh, good, California. I can work on my Spanish skills.”

4:23 AM Brook/Claire (2nd) – Brook: “I would like to boot Thomas.”
4:27 PM Nat/Kat (3rd)

Teams leave the Pit Stop and head towards Incheon International Airport. They arrive in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Brook/Claire
3- Nat/Kat

Teams discover that everyone will be on the same Korean Air flight to LA. And Brook and Claire will be in their cheetah pants. (Toyouke: “The "cheetah pants" are EXACTLY why they shouldn't win.”) So, the Amazing Red Line takes us across the Pacific Ocean. (Toyouke: “Is no one going to ask to be seated in the front of the plane?”) All teams arrive in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Brook/Claire

Ubiquitous shots of LA, plus Katy Perry’s “California Girls”. (Auburnium0513: “Noooo! The music, really?” Toyouke: “Oh, CBS, Katy Perry? Really?”)

Teams take a taxi to the Port of Long Beach, find Pier J and arrive in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Brook/Claire

Teams are welcomed to the Drop Zone. This means that the teams will ride a cramped elevator up a crane, pick up their clue, and then bungee swing 120 feet down to a raft below. (Toyouke: “What is the point of the bungee swing?“) Once teams are on dry land, they can open their next clue. Teams jump in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Brook/Claire

Then, teams finish the task and open their clue in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat – Nat: “I’ve never loved asphalt so much.”
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Brook/Claire


Teams open their next clue to find that they must board a helicopter which will take them to a surprise destination. They board helicopters in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Brook/Claire

Teams then ooh and ahh at their air tour of LA. After the comments of it being better than taking the freeway (Toyouke: “I love that everyone keeps complaining about LA traffic but every freeway shot has had NO TRAFFIC.”), teams land at their surprise destination: The Rose Bowl. Teams get their clue in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Brook/Claire

And teams come to the twelfth and final roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
“Who’s bright enough to float?”

In this roadblock, one team member must complete three different parts of a Rose Bowl float: mums on the edge, tulips in the middle, and a large rose for the outside. Once all parts are completed correctly and verified by the float captain, teams get their clues from Rose Queen 2009, Courtney Lee.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Nat – who forgets to fill water tubes on the tulips. Not a mistake to make on the last leg, ladies.
2- Thomas – who strategized to make sure Thomas got the final Roadblock. (Toyouke: “That's an interesting Roadblock strategy for Jill and Thomas. But I don't think it takes decorating skills to do this.”)
3- Brook

After much float building, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Brook/Claire

Teams are now given their next clue:

1: I am Sancho Panza’s Master.
2: I am the place to hear the Symphony of the Glen.
3: Monroe’s Year of the Itch

Fill in the blanks: ___1___ Studios, ___2___, Stage _3_.

So, everyone ponders the clue. (Toyouke: “This clue is tough.”) Nat and Kat call information and somehow get the woman to look stuff up for them. Brook and Claire convince their taxi driver to take them to a hotel so that they can access a computer. And Jill and Thomas irk their taxi driver into doing nothing. After all that, all three teams eventually figure out their destination: Quixote Studios, Griffith Park, Stage 7.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat
2- Brook/Claire
3- Jill/Thomas

Once teams arrive, the final task begins.

FINAL TASK:

Teams arrive at stage 7 and are greeted by game show legend Bob Eubanks. He leads them to a podium in front of a video screen with 48 flashing pictures of people in hats. All 48 of them have greeted at a Pit Stop on the Amazing Race over the last seventeen seasons, including the eleven from this season. Teams are instructed to find the 11 greeters and put them in order. Once completed, teams get their next clue. For reference, the Pit Stops were Eastnor Castle, Accra, Doyumo, Norwegian Border, Narvik, St. Petersburg 1, St. Petersburg 2, Muscat, Dhaka, Hong Kong, Seoul.

(Toyouke: “Remember the GREETERS!? That is EVIL. Oo, I wonder if you could get close enough to read lips.”)

Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat – (Auburnium0513: “Nicely done, ladies! Way to take notes!”)
2- Brook/Claire
3- Jill/Thomas

Teams get their clue and find that they must now find Greystone Mansion, the FINISH LINE of this racearoundtheworld. The first team to arrive WILL win the Amazing Race 17!

1- Nat/Kat
2- Brook/Claire – (Toyouke: “Brooke, being a strong woman DOES NOT INVOLVE BEING SHRILL AND WEARING CHEETAH PANTS.”)
3- Jill/Thomas

4 continents, 30 cities, 32000 miles, Nat and Kat, you are the first ever all-female team to win The Amazing Race, and the winners of TAR 17! Now, THAT was satisfying.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Nat/Kat
2nd – Brook/Claire
3rd – Jill/Thomas
4th – Nick/Vicki
5th – Chad/Stephanie
6th – Gary/Mallory
7th – Michael/Kevin
8th – Katie/Rachel
9th – Connor/Jonathan
10th – Andie/Jenna
11th – Ron/Tony

Next season: Remember all those teams you loved? And they all lost because of a technicality or a silly situation that knocked them out of the race? Well, they are back in TAR 18: Unfinished Business! Join Amanda & Kris, Flight Time & Big Easy, Gary & Mallory, Jaime & Cara, Jet & Cord, Kisha & Jen, Kynt & Vyxsin, Margie & Luke, Mel & Mike, Ron & Christina, and Zev & Justin as they race AGAIN! Until February 20, 2011 . . . see you next time!


Clicky clicky

Top Chef:All Stars 12/8/10--"Night at the Museum"

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: there was a minimum of drama, I guess because everyone wanted to wait a while before starting fights. The different seasons had to cook together, which wasn’t that exciting, except for the part where Jamie said she was better than everyone else on her season and didn’t want them to drag her down. Then each contestant had to remake the dish that got them kicked off the first time. An excellent challenge. Some people had an easier time than others, in that they just had execution problems the first time. As opposed to deciding miso butterscotch scallops was a good idea. In the end Elia served raw fish and didn’t think there was anything wrong with her dish anyway, not even the first time, so she was the first one eliminated. She’s still super bitter about it; she’s been interviewing about how she followed the rules when others didn’t, and how Tom is a sell-out anyway and isn’t qualified to judge. (click for more)

Instead of starting in the house in the morning, we start in the Stew Room right after the challenge with everyone in shock that Elia went home. Richard is still weirded out that he got disqualified for plating after time. Also Fabio got insulted by Tony, who went on his blog and said he might have been drunk and overly mean.

When everyone comes in for the Quickfire, Padma is standing next to some generic guy, and had I not seen the previews I wouldn’t know it was a Jonas, and I am proud of that fact. Spike, however, knows Joe Jonas on sight. DaleT has no clue who the Jonas Brothers are. Good. For their Quickfire, they’ll be going to the American Museum of Natural History to cook for a “Night at the Museum” sleepover for 150 kids. Each one will make a dish, and Joe will decide which one will be the midnight snack for the kids. Richard points out that what kids will eat and what Joe will like may not be the same. The kids won’t have any utensils or plates. Joe jokes that they have 30 seconds, and everyone freaks out before he says he’s kidding. Winner gets immunity and “an advantage”.

45 minutes. DaleL seems to be making something with marshmallows, graham crackers…random stuff. He calls it “crack for small children”. Hee. DaleT takes the big bin of sugar out of the pantry and leaves it on his station while everyone hollers for it. He doesn’t respond with “I have it” or anything, so everyone gets pissed as he’s not even using it. I can’t tell if he’s just in the zone or if he’s trying to mess with everyone. Marcel is glad to cook for kids, because his mom took over the food program at his school…we get photos. Spike is making chips and dip. Tiffani reminds us how her season, they had to cook for kids and she went off at Judges’ Table about how 10 year olds don’t know anything, and Tom is like, good thing you have immunity. She knows she was an asshole. I think she is freezing marshmallows with liquid nitrogen. Richard used to do things like put heavy cream on his cereal because no one told him not to. You know, that kind of explains a lot about Richard if he used to make up crazy things when he was a kid. Stephen is making “healthy” snickerdoodles, in that they are sort of healthier than regular cookies. DaleT says healthy food sucks. I think I remember liking DaleT. He wants to put Nyquil in his dish so the kids will sleep. Mike is sweating a lot. His cookies aren’t as sweet as he wanted.

Antonia: white chocolate and cherry muffin with cinnamon and allspice. Richard: white bread, spiced apples with whipped honey and crunchy chocolate. Spike: homemade potato and carrot chips with mascarpone and marshmallow dip. Ew. Individually, OK. But not together. Tre: cracker with cranberry and cherry jam and apple smoked bacon. Casey: chocolate and bacon lasagna, with apple juice and candy. Mike sneers at it. DaleL: SweetTart nuggets and caveman boulders with chocolate sauce. He says his goal is to get the kids as jacked up on sugar as he can. Like a 10 year old rave. Hee. Jaime: mini cheddar biscuits with homemade cinnamon applesauce. Tiffany: coconut rice pudding with grapefruit sauce. It falls apart. DaleT: corn cake with dried cherries and whipped maple topping. Fabio: apple with white chocolate, caramel, and blueberry, and an apple with dark chocolate, marshmallow, and candied ginger. Tiffani: rice krispy treat snowball with malted milk and graham crackers. Angelo: fried dough, white pepper, Old Bay, and cheddar crumbs. Stephen: snickerdoodle with white chocolate, coconut ganache, apricot, and mint. Jen: bacon ginger taffy and honey grilled peaches. She says if the kids don’t like it they can throw it. Mike: chocolate coconut corn bar, and coconut horchata chaser. Eh. I don’t feel it’s so superior to chocolate bacon lasagna.

I wanted to see what craziness Marcel made. Tiffany’s was messy, Mike’s chocolate wasn’t strong enough (ha), and Stephen’s cookies were good but the other stuff wasn’t great. Spike and Tiffani were the top, and Joe won’t make a decision, so Padma says they’re all going to the museum to let the kids decide. Awesome. Several people discuss how they don’t like kids. Padma says they each have to make 150 snacks so the losers have to help them. That’s rough. They take turns picking, which is boring. Fabio is last, and he decides to be on Spike’s team just to piss off Spike, which is a thing I can get behind.

2 hours to cook. DaleL likes the teams because it’s “the Spice Girls and a bodyguard” (Tiffani’s team with him and Tre and most of the girls) and “all the cool guys and their babysitter Carla”. Hee. Spike claims he has fun in the kitchen and is in no way abrasive. Richard kind of wishes he was on the other team to play with the liquid nitrogen. Angelo and DaleT make fun of Jen for some reason, and then DaleT complains about making the dish. Everyone for some reason is really into the teams, even though Padma didn’t say anything about anyone on the team getting anything except for Spike or Tiffani. But whatever. Fabio says he likes to fly under the radar. You know what, I bet they’re gambling that the immunity/advantage will be applied to the whole team in a “twist”.

Everyone sets up at the museum. There is a brief discussion about how to charm the kids, even though each kid is going to get a bag from each team and then probably go away to eat it. A herd of kids shows up. Casey says they’re getting a lot of sugar, but it’s not HER kids. Heh. Spike thinks he won’t win if he doesn’t campaign. Some kid doesn’t like raisins. There’s a lot of yelling. Jamie never wants kids. Joe walks in but no one faints, sadly. They make the kids cheer for their favorite, and do you think the kids cheered for carrot chips or rice krispy treats rolled in chocolate? Yeah. Only Tiffani wins anything, immunity and some advantage.

The kids file out, after having TRASHED the room they were in, and the chefs are wandering away when Tom shows up. No one is happy to see him. Antonia actually flails, like rolling your eyes but with your whole body. Tom says the Elimination challenge starts right now. Ha! Everyone stares at him. It is 1:30am. They will join the sleepover, and make a breakfast dish for the kids and their parents. Breakfast will be served 6 hours from now. Tiffani is super psyched. They can use whatever they find in the museum kitchen. For no reason, one team has to cook with meat and “meat by-products” (meaning eggs and dairy), and the other has to go vegan. Supposedly it’s being done because of the dinosaurs, a T. Rex and a brontosaurus. “Inspired by a dinosaur’s diet”. Whatever. Tiffani, as winner, gets to pick, and of course she picks meat and dairy. They can spend the night in the Hall of North American Mammals, and everyone laughs so you know they’re slap-happy. There will be a winning team and a losing team, and one chef from the losing team will go home.

2:10am, and there are cots in the hall, with flashlights and jammies for everyone. Stephen of course does not camp or “rough it”. Tre is also not totally pleased because he sleeps naked. The teams take some time to plan menus. Jen tries to run her team and says they’re all against each other and they need to plan, because everyone is against everyone else or whatever. Both teams seem to be pairing off. Casey points out they don’t know what they’ll find in the kitchens so planning a menu may backfire.

Eventually a group of them decides to go on a “flashlight tour”, a group of them being the boys pretty much. Antonia interviews they’re only going to have like, 45 minutes of sleep, so she’s taking it. Spike feels this will make the other team sleepy and they’ll fail. Yeah.

Antonia was right, they only got maybe an hour of sleep, and that’s the ones that didn’t wander around. The alarm goes off at 3:45, and they run to the kitchen at 4am. The vegan team has plenty of stuff that they wanted, and the meat team is discovering that “carnivore” means “meat only”. Oops. No acid, no herbs. DaleL is pissed that they don’t even have flour. Yeah…I thought meat would be better too, but it seems to have backfired. Carla and Spike are making gazpacho. Fabio is making gnocchi. Jamie slices up her thumb and the medic tells her she needs stitches. So she leaves to get stitches. Casey is pissed, but seriously? THIS IS A TV SHOW. Jamie has to be able to use her hand after this is over, and if she needs stitches for that, then she should go to the hospital to get stitches and come back later. The medic is a professional. Fabio is also annoyed because he broke his finger during his season. Yeah, but that’s different because had he gone to the hospital, they would have just splinted it the same as the medic did in the kitchen, so what is the point? Jen is fine with it, even though she has to work twice as hard. Tre and Casey are making salmon and sauce. Casey is taking the pinbones out of the salmon, in case that comes up later. She makes a very stupid comment that she’s never seen a live T. Rex. Tiffany and Antonia are trying to make mini frittatas in muffin tins but the oven isn’t cooking evenly. One of them says “just give the best ones to the judges” and why haven’t they figured out by now that if you say “I’ll give the best ones to the judges and the rejects to everyone else” that it pretty much guarantees the judges will get a reject messed-up one? DaleT and Mike can’t get the polenta to set up into a cake so they’re just going to serve creamy polenta. Fabio is trying to be gentle with the gnocchi, and apparently told Spike to cook them 10 at a time, but Spike is in a hurry. So they probably didn’t turn out right. Antonia wonders who wants to eat gazpacho and gnocchi at 7:30am. Casey says right before service she tasted Jen’s pork belly and it tastes like wet bacon. Jen thinks it’s good. I don’t know, “wet bacon” does not conjure up horrible images to me.

They have an hour to set up outside. Everyone works but not flailing. Angelo tells Marcel the plums in his dish are too large, and apparently told Carla to cut up the plums, which Marcel discovers. I know Angelo spent a lot of time telling other people what to do his season, but messing with other people’s dishes is going kind of far. Jamie returns and jumps in to help. Apparently she only got two stitches, which no one thinks was worth the time. Yeah. Casey says she didn’t have time to taste Tre’s sauce right before service, and he said it was spicy, but that sounds ominous.

The guest judge today is Katie Lee. Is it not Katie Lee Joel anymore? I guess it’s too early for Tony. The vegans are up first. DaleT and Mike: fresh corn grits, stewed peppers and salsa verde. Angelo, Richard, and Marcel: banana parfait with seasonal fruits and tandoori maple. Carla and Spike: “V9”, gazpacho with fruits and vegetables (redundant). Fabio and Stephen: potato gnocchi with leeks, spinach, and mushrooms. Tom and Katie Lee accost some kids and sit at their table. They like the gnocchi, but not the gazpacho so much. The grits are OK, and the parfait is great.

Meat group. Tiffany and Antonia: mini frittatas; bacon and cheddar, ham and cheese, and chevre. Casey and Tre: salmon with shrimp and apple-smoked bacon sauce. Jen and Jamie: braised bacon and hard-boiled eggs. Tiffani and DaleL: steak and eggs with hollandaise. The pork belly is not cooked right. The salmon sauce is too salty, which Tre blames on having to keep the sauce on the burner. Some of the frittatas are undercooked, but I like my scrambled eggs to be almost underdone so that would never bother me. Like, take the eggs out of the pan when you can still see raw egg in places. Tiffani and DaleL had better steak and eggs.

Commercial interlude: Fabio charms all the women in line. Everyone else on the show makes fun of him.

For some reason in the Stew Room they are arguing about whether Tiffani’s advantage was to get the better menu or the chance to choose. Padma comes to get the vegan team. The other team is so confused, and DaleL says he thought the vegan team’s choices were weird for kids, and Jen is like, I don’t cook for people anymore, I cook for the judges, I learned my lesson. So DaleL says that’s selfish, and Jen just says, do you want to win? Or do you want to please 150 people who you’ll never see again? The vegan team is the winners. Fabio jokes about throwing Spike under the bus for the gnocchi. They also liked the parfait, which ends up being the winning dish. Richard claims he’s going to be back to work in 5 minutes. Angelo thinks it’s hard to beat him when he’s on a streak. Marcel thinks he had more stuff on the plate than anyone else so if one person had to win, of course it would be him.

Tiffani starts off by complaining that having a choice of two ingredient lists, with no explanation, is not really an advantage, because she had made a poor assumption. Gail says the point of the challenge is being limited, and Tom says he told them that they could only have meat and meat products. Did he? I don’t remember, but even if he didn’t, stop whining about it. Tiffani finally says that she thought they did a good job with what they had. The frittatas were inconsistently cooked, and they know about it. Tiffani and DaleL did a good job, but with a very simple dish. The salmon was salty, and Tom is annoyed that Tre seems to be admitting he knew the sauce was too salty. Jen is fidgeting and pretty much rolling her eyes and sighing, and when Padma calls her on it she says she doesn’t think they should be there, even though she tasted the other team’s food and she won’t answer a question about whether she liked the other team’s food. Jen tells them she thought they were better and that’s all she’ll say. If you’re going to be so obviously pissed off, then you’d better back it up. Otherwise, STFU and stand still. Tiffani didn’t think it was breakfasty, and Jen makes a face about gnocchi. It was inventive and they weren’t as inventive. Tom asks them why they didn’t plate everything individually, and it doesn’t even sound that annoyed, and Jen is like, you’re the judges, you’re smart, why don’t you ask for a separate plate? Tiffani can’t even believe it. Tom just replies that he’s smart enough, and someone on her team should be smart enough too. Jamie admits she left to get stitches, and didn’t really help. Antonia pipes up to say she would have just duct-taped her finger and stayed to help. I don’t think Jamie’s being around would have helped you win. They tell Jen her pork was good but the eggs were bland, and Jen flat out tells them they’re all wrong and the eggs were great and not bland. The rest of the team just kind of stands there.

Tom says no one will go home for talking back to the judges. I guess that’s true, they usually don’t do that. DaleL and Tiffani had a good dish so they’re safe. The frittatas are boring and not cooked evenly, and they should have been. The salmon was cooked well but the sauce was too salty and Tre should have fixed it. The pork belly was soft and not crispy and the eggs were bland, no matter what Jen said. Jamie was apparently unnecessary, which is not a good thing.

Tiffani and DaleL get to leave and are safe. Tom attacks everyone and then Jen goes home. She curses and I think she is trying not to cry. She also thinks her dish was great and maybe she was “too strong” and vocal at Judges’ Table for them. Yeah. On her way out of the Stew Room after saying goodbye she curses up a storm.

Next week: double elimination, Wylie Dufresne, Marcel gets in trouble. Clicky clicky