TAR15, Recap Leg 11, 11/29/09

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Mom, Don Giovanni Laughed At Me!, teams flew from Estonia to Prague, Czech Republic. It was the Barbies versus the Globtrotters, and the Gays stealing Yin-Yang’s taxi. In the end, Meghan and Cheyne still ended in first, and Brian and Ericka ended in last place in the last non-elimination leg. And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
2nd – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
4th – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang

Prague Castle, Prague, Czech Republic

9:46 PM Meghan/Cheyne (1st)
Clue: Take a taxi to the Spanish Synagogue, oldest Jewish house of prayer in the city, to get your next clue. You have 113 for this leg of the race.

10:13 PM Sam/Dan (2nd) – Sam: “We’re going insane.” Dan: “We just want to run a friendly race.”
10:17 PM Flight Time/Big Easy (3rd) – Big Easy: “We’re going to show off who we really are.”
11:40 PM Brian/Ericka (4th) – Brian: “We’re going to overcome more than a speed bump.”

Teams arrive at the Spanish Synagogue in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka

However, once they arrive, Brian and Ericka find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the third of three speed bumps on this race, teams must find M1 Pub and pay a visit to the Green Fairy by using a three step process to create a shot of absinthe. Then they must each drink their shot for the bartender and get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka

So, Brian and Ericka drink. Brian: “This is a party, not a Speed Bump! And I don’t even drink!” Ericka: “It doesn’t help that we’re surrounded by pretty girls.” Brian: “We are? I didn’t notice.” And they get their next clue.

Now, if a team didn’t have to do the Speed Bump, teams come to the eleventh roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
In order to obtain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd.
In this roadblock, one team member must solve a roadblock described as Kafka-esque. They must enter a warehouse filled with ringing phones and answer them to find the five that give letters out on the other end. These letters spell FRANZ. Once all five letters are received, teams must fill out a form for the supervisor and list the letters in the correct order. If they do, the supervisor gives you your next clue.


(Auburnium0513: “I'm not sure how I feel about this phone task. It seems like a different version of Swedish roulette.” Toyouke: "Dude. That's not even a question. We should get jobs as clue writers.")

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Meghan – who says each letter out loud. Meghan: “Rabbit, Zebra, Ferret. . .” (Auburnium0513: “What IS an animal that starts with N? All I can come up with is numbat...” Kmanpat: “How about newt?”)
2- Dan – “This supervisor is the biggest douche ever.” (Toyouke: “Dan is an asshat. I can't imagine that's anything new.”)
3- Big Easy – who asks Dan If he wants to work with him. Big mistake.
4- Brian – who is extremely polite to the guys on the phone. Brian: “Hello? Can you repeat that?”

(Auburnium0513: “Wouldn't you write down the letters FIRST before worrying about all the rest of the questions?”)

Teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan – Dan, as he title quotes on his way from the roadblock: “It starts with F!” (Auburnium0513: “You are such an asshole! You agreed to help each other!”)
3- Brian/Ericka – who had written out all the combinations before submitting. Brian: “And I did it drunk, too!”
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – who give up and quit the task and take a four hour penalty. (Toyouke: “Nooo! 4 hours! This is an elimination leg!” Auburnium0513: “Oh Globetrotters...I hope this doesn't knock you out of the Race.”)


Teams are then instructed to go to the Kryocentrum to get their next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – who arrive and get a clue telling them to go directly to the Pit Stop. Not good. (Auburnium0513: “You know you're far behind and eliminated when you get a different clue than everyone else...sad. I liked the Globetrotters.”)

Teams are then treated to 2 minutes of the coolest holistic treatment on the planet at -180° in their skivvies. (Toyouke: “This is the most random task. Stand in the cold?”) Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – Cheyne: “I feel bad for polar bears.”
2- Sam/Dan – Sam: “My ass is too big to fit in these.” (Kmanpat: “No worries. Wear them anyway.”) Attendant: “Take off your stuff.” (Toyouke: "I'm surprised there was no shrinkage comment.")
3- Brian/Ericka

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to Charles Bridge and find their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Legend OR Lager
*Legend: Teams make a golem using a prepared structure and wet clay. Teams then transport the Golem to the Old New Synagogue, where a rabbi will approve the golem and give teams the next clue.
*Lager: Teams go to a local brewery and pick up pints of beer to deliver to a local pub. Once all 30 glasses have been delivered, teams will get their next clue.

(Auburnium0513: “I'd go Lager all the way! Let's hear it for server training!”)

1-Meghan/Cheyne choose Legend – where Meghan takes the lead and gets a very tired Cheyne through the task. (Toyouke: “That's Cheyne yelling? Psshh.”)
2-Sam/Dan choose Legend – where there is much bitching from the peanut gallery. Sam: “We can’t have dirt on the Golem; the rabbi will be pissed!” (Toyouke: “Jesus, Dan is a whiny bitch. I'm not really paying attention but nothing exciting is happening except the golems are heavy and Sam and Dan dropped theirs. And you know what Sam? HE'S COVERED IN MUD.” Auburnium0513: “Waah, it's so heavy! Good grief! You boys are whining more than Ericka! I really hope the Rabbis reject the broken-armed man.”)
3- Brian/Ericka choose Lager – who are fighting drunk people the whole way. Ericka: “Touch me and you’ll get punched!” (Toyouke: “I'm sad for Ericka, but I'm impressed she dropped the glasses when they were by themselves and not near the drunk people. If these drunks aren't hired by production, which I'm pretty sure not all of them are, because their faces are blurred, that seems unsafe. Hee, this redeems Ericka slightly. She will cut you. Plus, you're trying to steal beer from random people on the street and you're going to complain about American attitude?”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan – Dan: “I was a baby!” (Kmanpat: “Yes, yes you were. Now put on a diaper.”)
3- Brian/Ericka – who arrive with their last beers to find the bartender asleep.

Teams get their clue and find that they must now take a taxi to Strelecky Ostrov, the PIT STOP of the eleventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win 2 52” LDC HD TVs. Whoop de doo.
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka – (Toyouke: “OK, they were cute spazzing out.”)
4- Flight Time/Big Easy

And Flight Time and Big Easy are eliminated, after we were treated to “Sweet Georgia Brown” and a compilation of the Globe’s best moments.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Sam/Dan
3rd – Brian/Ericka

Next week: Finale! Las Vegas! Reverse Bungee! Cirque Du Soleil! Elvis! Poker Chips! Winner! Until next time! Clicky clicky

TAR15, Recap Leg 10, 11/22/09

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Hottie Estonian Guys in the Mud, teams took a ferry across the Baltic Sea to Tallinn, Estonia. There was the discovery of the elusive candle-a-bra, and the Gays and the Globes got in a tripping match in a bog. But in the end, Gary and Matt found that seven minutes behind is too far behind and were sadly eliminated. And who will be eliminated. . . next?

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
2nd – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
4th – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang

Keava Rava Overlook Tower, Keava, Estonia

12:00 AM Meghan/Cheyne (1st)
Clue: Fly 700 miles to Prague, Czech Republic! Once there, travel to Old Town Square and find the Vintage Praga, which is a Czech convertible. Once there, the man in the convertible will give you your next clue. You have $0 for this leg of the race.

Cheyne informs us that his only goal is final three and that he and Meghan are taking it one leg at a time.

12:19 AM Sam/Dan (2nd) – Sam: “Prague? SWEET!” Dan: “What’s Prague? Do they speak Spanish?” Sam: “No, it’s a country.” (Auburnium0513: “When did Prague become a country?”)
12:20 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (3rd)
12:22 AM Brian/Ericka (4th) – Brian: “We’re looking for Vintage Prada?” (Toyouke: “PraGa, not PraDa. Sigh. Although, "Go to the Old Town Square and look for a man in a vintage jacket" is a totally acceptable task.”)

Teams travel to the airport and arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
4- Flight Time/Big Easy

The teams then find out that the fastest way to Prague will be a flight at 5:20 am to Riga Latvia on Air Baltic, and then transfer to a flight to Prague at 8:15 am. (Auburnium0513: “Looking up a Praga online, smart!!” Toyouke: “Did two teams just decide not to look up what a Praga was? Really? “) The Amazing Red Line then takes the travelers to their next destination. They arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka – who make the silly decision to take public transport to the city center instead of a taxi. (Toyouke: “Oohhh....subway?”) And while it is tempting to do on a leg with no additional money, in a pinch, the taxi gets your there the fastest, especially if it isn’t rush hour. Just saying.

Teams arrive in the Old Town Square and find the Praga in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan – (Toyouke: “Oh, the Globetrotters copy us all the time! They are following us! But it's totally OK for us to follow Meghan and Cheyne!”)
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka – Brian: “Maybe a Praga is a man on a horse.” (Toyouke: “Did...did Brian just say he's looking for a horse?”)

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to Kayaky Troya and find their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka – (Toyouke: “OK I distinctly heard Brian say "Wait for us?" to the cab driver. I'm not sure if they subtitled it, like they do when they know it will be important later. But I heard him.”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Fast & Furious OR Slow & Steady
*Fast & Furious: Teams change into wetsuits and do a man made white water rafting run through a course to get their next clue. Teams must complete the course without falling off the raft or they will have to restart the course. Once complete, teams pull the ribbons at the end to get their next clue.
*Slow & Steady: Teams complete an aerial ropes course and pull the ribbons at the end of the course to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Both these Detours suck. Well...Slow looks like you might just have to pull yourself and it's not that steep. So, doable, if you don't have the skill or strength to kayak.” Kmanpat: “I’d worry too much about tipping over.” Toyouke: “Wuss.”)

1-Sam/Dan choose Fast & Furious – and they attempt three times. Each time, Dan whines, Sam gets distracted and they flip over. (Toyouke: “This whole conversation between Sam and Dan is really dirty out of context. ‘Why am I in the front right now?’ ‘You're digging in!’ ‘Only the left side!’ Hee.”) So they Bald Snark to Slow & Steady. (Auburnium0513: “Good lord, Sam and Dan have turned into very bitchy gay men...”)
2-Meghan/Cheyne choose Slow & Steady
3-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Slow & Steady
4-Brian/Ericka choose Slow & Steady

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – but can’t get off the rigging because Flight Time actually finished first and heard Cheyne babble about him taking a long time. So he then goes and takes his time on purpose. (Toyouke: “See, Cheyne, that's why you should be quiet. You gave him the idea to screw you over.”)
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Sam/Dan – who finally complete an option, and proceed to bargain with Brian and Ericka cabbie to take them to their next destination. Which he does. (Toyouke: “"Smart", or "Asshat". How can Dan be such a whiny bitch about Big Easy and then steal a cab?”)
4- Brian/Ericka

Teams now find that the ribbons they pulled spell Stavovske Divaldo, which is the Estates Theater and the location of their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – who take a taxi and leave the Globetrotters after deciding to help them. (Auburnium0513: “Why help them? Keep them in sight, and so you know where your competition is.”)
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka

And teams come to the tenth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who can remain composed under pressure?
In this roadblock, one team member must search the 600 seat theater (Toyouke: “That really is a gorgeous theater.”) for a miniature mandolin (Toyouke: “World's Tiniest Mandolin!”) in a case while avoiding decoy instruments and empty mandolin boxes. (Toyouke: “They hid decoys? Awesome.) Team members then take the instrument to Don Giovanni on stage, who either laughs in your face (Don Giovanni: “Ha ha ha ha HA! No.” Toyouke: “Bwahaha! Mockery! This task is great.”) or gives you your next clue.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Cheyne – who grabs any instrument that he can find. (Toyouke: “Yeah, not miniature and not mandolins.” Auburnium0513: “I don't think that Cheyne knows what miniature means...”)
2- Big Easy
3- Dan
4- Ericka – (Toyouke: “EVERYONE knows Ericka can't remain composed under pressure.”)

(Auburnium0513: “Check in the candles? What about the candle-a-bras? Are there candle-a-bras there?”)

Teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka

Teams get their clue and find that they must now take a taxi to Prague Castle, the PIT STOP of the tenth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win a trip to Lanai, Hawaii. (Toyouke: “My feelings on Meghan and Cheyne are: blah.”)
2- Sam/Dan – (Toyouke: “What's with the bitchface? If you're going to steal a taxi, then own it. Don't look all pissy when someone just states the facts.”)
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka

Phil: “Brian and Ericka, you are the last team to arrive. Did you enjoy the race? Well, good, because you get to do it again tomorrow!” This is the LAST of the three nonelimination legs and they are still in the Race. But they’ll have a Speed Bump. That should be fun.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Sam/Dan
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy
4th – Brian/Ericka

Next week: Teams play around in Prague at night, which looks like it includes ringing telephones, giant clay men and beer carrying. I’m not quite sure what any of that is, but I’m sure it will be fun. Until next time!
Clicky clicky

Project Runway 11/19/09--"Finale pt. 2" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Everyone has a lot of work to do, Carol Hannah made Tim work in the kitchen, Althea sort of knows what she’s doing, and Irina was told not to use copyrighted materials in her collection. I’m sure she’ll respectfully listen to Tim and make her own pictures. Or, you know…steal copyrighted materials from somewhere else. Oops! Spoiler! (click for more)

Last we left off, everyone was pretending to freak out about their 13th look, even though I’m sure they knew it was coming, and Carol Hannah had a relapse of her sickness. She looks terrible, which is so sad because normally she’s so cute. Irina says she feels bad but there’s nothing she can do about it, which is reasonable but sounds so bitchy coming out of her mouth.
The finalists and the designers come back to the workroom where Carol Hannah is kind of breaking down. She gets a hug from Logan and keeps going. (Kmanpat: “I know a hug from Logan would cheer me up. Logan! Here I am!”) Gordana thinks that Irina is “not 100% cool as she normally is”. Althea wears a big knit hat and tries to expose a seam. Carol Hannah really breaks down this time, and Chris comforts her while she sobs about not knowing what to do and this is not how this was supposed to go. Everyone else kind of watches her with that look, when you feel bad but you don’t want to intervene.

Hair and makeup consults. Irina has hats that look so so much like Jillian’s hats. Those ones with the crest down the middle? Yeah. Other than that, nothing is interesting but I do have this thought: why don’t they take Polaroids of their looks to the hair and makeup consult? Wouldn’t that help them explain their collections?

The models all trickle in for fittings. Althea says fit is essential for her clothes. Irina’s clothes are picky like that too. Carol Hannah is very optimistic; she thinks that for each look there is a girl to go with it.

Tim time! Irina’s 13th look is a black dress with folding and volume. Tim likes it but she also wants to put those hats on her models with chains under their chins so he warns her about costumes. Althea’s 13th look is khaki pants, a white shirt and a black leather jacket with bit shoulder pads. Oo, 80’s. Althea describes her makeup, which apparently is what Irina is doing. To be honest I wasn’t paying attention. Why wouldn’t the makeup people say something? Althea says she’s got a lot to do, and gets a bit emotional, but Tim encourages her. Carol Hannah’s 13th look is a long gown in dark turquoise, which is fitted to past her hips and then flares out. There is a big swath from one shoulder (the other shoulder has no strap) down to the opposite hip. It is very striking. She’s used the color of the gown to pull the same color out of her collection, I think.

Everyone works until midnight. In the morning, Carol Hannah is trying to not think about how she feels. I think everyone still has a ton to do. Irina wants to put her regular model in her 13th look. Just for fun. Everyone runs around and gives orders to the help. Tim has his last “gather ‘round” and does NOT cry or say how proud he is of them. Irina kicks Gordana off the sewing machine to have her go pack. She’s really freaking out. They all are trying to make sure they remember all their stuff tomorrow.

Wakeup time is 3:15am. Heh. They forget to take the safety chain off the door before they try to open it. The tent looks huge. Was it always that big? With two hours to go, a lot of people are already there in the audience. Very frantic flailing ensues. Irina is still sewing. Tim actually freaks out. Oh yeah. He raises his voice and says he is about to lose it because they should be lining up because only about 10% of the models are dressed. He’s using his hands and being stern. Who put him in charge? Oh, he has the concerned face on.

OK, so here is how this worked, apparently. When this show actually happened, no one in the audience actually saw the introductions from the designers. They just showed the collections. They taped the introductions later and spliced in audience reaction shots. That’s why it looks all wonky. Guest judge today is Suzy Menkes, fashion editor of the International Herald Tribune.
Althea is up first. She was inspired by science fiction. Actually, the editing looks OK. So normally I would post pictures of each look and talk about them. But I am so tired of this season. So tired. Plus everyone’s been looking at these clothes for months and months. I am just going to link to the collections which are over at Project Rungay, in high-def big pictures and everything. Incidentally, if you haven’t ever read that blog, which is run by Tom and Lorenzo, you really should. They are hilarious. Here’s Althea’s collection. The 13th look is the third one down. Yeah, those are harem pants. And the one after that looks like something Logan would wear. But there is a lot of tight leather, and I’m not sure I like the black headbands. I don’t like the headbands in any color. I don’t know, nothing is really blowing me away. There isn’t any color except for one green dress.

Carol Hannah is next and they make like there is some huge surge of applause for her specifically. She just says her collection is near to her heart. You can view it here. There’s some volume and pants! And there seems to be some braiding in a lot of the pieces. The gray dress with the tulle skirt is fantastic. The long turquoise dress is the 13th look. And she was right, it does bring out the same color that was in a bunch of the other looks. The next to last dress, the very short one with the ruffles, is very close to flashing everyone. But I really love the last dress with the seaming.

Irina has to go last. She says her collection is about New York and what it takes to survive in the city as a woman. Click here. Those hats bother me. It’s very hard edged, even with the sweaters. And dark. AND. The model with the tan sweater with the hood? You can see her T-shirt, which seems to have the “Reasons I love New York” written on it but I KNOW those are the same birds from the other T-shirts that she was told not to use. In addition to her having lifted the text of those shirts from New York Magazine. I hope they nail her for it. There seems to be a lot of texture and shredding, and also she kept the chains under the one of the hats. Her 13th look (I’m pretty sure) is the 7th one down, right after the fur vest. The gray skirt and leather halter top.

Afterwards it’s entertaining to watch everyone discuss the collections, where the big-name famous people are very generic because they don’t know anyone’s names. So they talk A LOT to the season’s eliminated designers. Ari now has a bowl cut and giant fake eyelashes. That’s about all I got from that.

The judges talk about how all three finalists have differences but worked hard and whatever, just bring them out already. Irina gets to go first. She talks about how tough it is for her to be a woman in New York, and you need shielding, and I’m mostly done with Irina so I don’t have sympathy for how tough it is for her. Kors is bored with the “warrior woman” character too. It looks finished, and Nina praises her for the T-shirts and how she made them herself so I guess they haven’t figured out yet where she got the idea from. Kors is impressed with how much work this is. Heidi wants some of the pieces. Nina asks why it’s all black, and Irina says it was “intuitive” but then Nina reminds her she told all of them not to use too much black. And then she gives Irina a withering look which makes me happy.

Carol Hannah played with volume and draping. Nina loved the first look, and Heidi praises the 13th look. She’s shocked when she finds out it was the last minute one. However Heidi and Kors don’t think it was a cohesive collection. Kors likes the draping though.

Althea was making a statement about the current political climate? So she made sportswear, which Kors praises because you can mix the pieces. Nina liked the one colored dress. Kors for some reason thinks a million people would want to buy the satin harem pants. Suzy didn’t think the knits were futuristic, and the last three looks Nina didn’t get.

Right away Kors says the word “photographical” so I’m distracted now. They love that Carol Hannah played with color, not enough, but certainly more than everyone else. Everything was well constructed and had a point of view. Althea has “a sense of coolness”, says Nina, and Kors thinks she’s “plugged in to the street”. Yeah. Kors didn’t think this looked like a collection either, but the style of clothes she makes don’t always take well to the runway. Irina’s clothes have an edge. Kors says she had the best sense of showmanship and details. They praise the T-shirts again, and if she wins I hope New York Magazine sues her. Suzy likes the way the models were supposed to be shielded but didn’t hide behind the clothes.

Heidi goes over how everyone did things right and also screwed some things up. Carol Hannah is out. Lame. I don’t care who wins. You know, I didn’t care who won back when there were three of them. So of course Irina wins, and there better be a lawsuit coming for that shirt. I’ve already seen some people’s blog comments about how we don’t know if the shirts were already addressed, but considering that article I linked to is on New York Magazine’s own website? If she had permission they’d shut up about it. Stupid all black collection that Heidi says was “sweet”. Spent so much of her time accusing Althea of copying her when she did it twice. Whatever, DONE.

Hooray! It’s over! Next season is already taped, all in New York and Nina and Kors are in every episode! Time to forget about this season, I think. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 11/18/09--"Culinary Olympics" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: a room service Quickfire was sad because there were no crepes. Robin’s blintzes don’t count. Eli won, and then everyone was supposed to be inspired by casinos, and that sort of went well, but they let Michael win and he made chicken wings. I’m sure they were good, but…chicken wings. Robin finally went home, after she tried to make clear sugar in colors and then panna cotta. NEVER MAKE PANNA COTTA. A public service announcement from My Monkey Could Do That. (click for more)

Somehow this is the last challenge in Vegas before the finale, but aren’t there still 5 people? So are they going to take 4 people to the finale location and kick on out? Everyone says how they have made it so far, etc. Eli says Richard, he of the fauxhawk, is his mentor. Sigh. That figures. Then he says he wants to win for Richard and compares himself to Inigo Montoya. Bitch please.

Padma greets them with Gaven Kayson, who has won a James Beard Award. Padma says that 4 of them will head for Napa Valley to fight for the title of Top Chef, and am I missing something here? Because I distinctly heard her say 3 or 4 weeks ago that 3 people would be competing in the finale. In addition to winning that award, Gaven has competed in the Bocuse D’Or, which is a cooking competition from way before Food Network came along. That is the real deal. Michael likens it to the Olympics, which I think is about the best way to describe that. It’s a competition in classical French cuisine. For the Quickfire, the chefs will be recreating a dish Gaven made for that competition. That took him 4 months to perfect. I believe he calls it “chicken ballotine”, which is a roulade with crayfish and chicken livers and two layers of chicken. These chefs will be doing something similar, which is to make a 3-layer roulade of something, all layers of protein. There will be no immunity but a big advantage in the Elimination challenge. Jen makes a comment about turducken, which is delicious and also immediately what I thought of.

90 minutes, and go! Bryan has a plan with sausage and lamb. Michael smarms that this challenge isn’t about making a ballotine, but putting 3 proteins inside each other. Whatever. He has bacon, turkey, and chicken. Kevin thinks Michael and Bryan are doing way too much, and it’s too risky. Eli says something about making Scotched eggs and maple syrup. You need 3 layers. I don’t know. Kevin thinks he and Eli have balls, because they’re making homestyle food for Top Chef. Good point. Jen says she’s never made this before but since she’s strong in seafood she thinks she’ll be OK. Michael mentions how Jen has been flailing, which she has, but then he’s like, “there isn’t that much more for her to do” which is just toolish.

Eli: bacon-crusted breakfast sausage with a six-minute egg center. It is a brown lump. Michael: “poultry terrine” chicken with turkey and bacon mousseline. “Terrine” is not “ballotine” or even “roulade”. Layering and wrapping are different. Jen: calamari steak, scallops, salmon, shiitake, shiso, and rice noodles with shiso vinaigrette. They ask her why she did seafood and she says it’s her strong point. Padma says “Welcome back.” Bryan: rack of lamb and merguez sausage wrapped in caul fat. There are also 4 sauces. Kevin: cornmeal fried fillet of catfish with scallop and shrimp. Bryan shows himself to be a bigger man than his brother by saying that Kevin’s food is simple but simple can be great if done correctly.

Gavin tells Kevin that his fish was a little overcooked, which he doesn’t think is totally true. Bryan’s dish was great. Eli’s concept was good, but I notice there is no praise of his actual food. Jen didn’t overcook her calamari, and then Gavin totally calls Michael on making a terrine and not following directions. Michael interviews that he never was told to make a ballotine. Um, I can quote Padma for you, which is when she said “make a protein, inside a protein, inside a protein.” Also he says that he would have made one that was just as good as Gavin made for Bocuse D’Or. Right. Jen wins. It’s giving her a boost but she knows she’s not in the clear yet.

Elimination challenge: Bocuse D’Or! Ha ha! Everyone will make a “presentation platter” with one protein and two garnishes, probably on a giant silver tray. The garnishes must be intricate and show techniques and they can’t be just vegetables. They can pick lamb or salmon, and they will really have a mirror platter. Awesome. They’re going to get their asses kicked. 4 hours to cook tomorrow, and Jen will get 30 extra minutes. Oh and also there will be 12 judges, including some chefs who are on the American advisory board for Bocuse D’Or, plus Thomas Keller. Awesome. Taste, creativity, and execution are the criteria. Schadenfreude is rampant in my house right now.

Everyone goes home and Michael goes right to bed. Of course, because he thinks he is great. The rest of the chefs watch some DVD’s of Bocuse D’Or and the crazy fans and also what the final dishes look like. Crazy. Kevin asks how to sous vide his lamb, and I want him to shush, because don’t do that! Bryan knows that if he is competitive and shuts Kevin down, when everyone knows he has the answer, then he just looks like a prick. So he’s helpful.

The next morning everyone gets to work. Eli says it’s intense in the kitchen. He is going to make sausage wrapped lamb loin, carrot puree, and tomato-piquillo canapé. That carrot puree better have gold in it or something. Tom brings in Thomas Keller to freak them all out and mispronounce Bocuse D’Or. Also to encourage them. Michael says he’s done some culinary competitions. He is making salmon with cauliflower chickpea tart and zucchini tzatziki, which he has chosen because it’s harder to do. Jen is going to serve salmon and caviar, shrimp flan and truffle, celery root and shiitake. She’s stressed a bit. Bryan is pushing the envelope with crusted lamb loin, lamb shank crepinette (like sausage) and orzo au gratin. Kevin is trying to make poached lamb loin, sherry-glazed beet and asparagus in sunchoke cream. Michael is bored by Kevin’s food, but whatever. I wish I had a chef to cook for me on his days off. Hush.

Tom time! Bryan talks to him about braising his lamb shanks and gratin. Mmmm. Kevin is taking a different approach, which Tom points out. Oh, Kevin. You’re killing me. Michael and Jen seem to know where they are heading. As does Eli. Tom then interviews about everyone. Well, not the brothers. Then he tells the chefs that whoever wins the challenge will get $30,000. Damn. Everyone freaks out just that little bit more.

The judges show up while cooking is still going on. Kevin says he won’t do elaborate presentation, but instead worry about his flavors. He goes out with his giant platter, to discover Jerome Bocuse. The son of the person who STARTED THE WHOLE THING. Damn, but Top Chef has some pull. His platter is very simple: just the loin, with a beet tartlet and a little dish with the asparagus. As he plates (they make you plate at table, just for more stress) he says he picked lamb because of sustainability, and Thomas Keller asks if the lamb is from a sustainable farm. Ooh, burn. But it is. The vegetables are delicious, but they think it’s “elementary” for the quality of chef he is. Michael has all his food in bite-size pieces on the platter. It looks very pretty but also like a trio of appetizers. Sadly he described his dish as having “Mediterranean” flavors, but salmon and caviar don’t really fit, and his flavors themselves aren’t really there. Then someone finds a bone, so he’s pretty much screwed. Bryan freaks the hell out, because he’s behind. Jen is helping him out, and she’s worried about him. He can see mistakes in his platter, and in interview when he’s saying this he starts muttering about them. Hee. He also has whole lamb loin on the platter, and then little bites and the orzo gratin has sheep’s milk cheese. I just like the little dishes with food in them. However his lamb is too rare. They can tell he had a great concept but ran out of time. Eli’s platter has taller dishes with the carrot puree (with a FOAM). He is plating and talking at the same time, and saying “um” a lot. And not really making eye contact. It’s undercooked, and there is raw fat which is gross and no one is even eating it. Jen’s dish looks pretty good, the salmon especially. She cooked it from the bottom up, so the bottom is well done and the top is more rare. Some people get an undercooked piece, though. The whole thing is random, somehow. I think that they can’t see where she was going and they don’t think she took the time to think it out. All the chefs come back in so that Thomas Keller can tell them someone will get a spot to compete in Bocuse D’Or in 2011. Holy crap. They’d do that? Back in the kitchen the chefs clean the kitchen, which is nice, and everyone talks about how awesome this experience has been and how much they want to win.

Commercial interlude: in the Stew Room everyone is friends and that was 30 seconds of my life I can never get back. Thanks, Bravo.

Padma collects everyone, and they file in to the Loser Gong. Michael says his Mediterranean theme just came together and he has this tone of “I am just such a genius that things just fall into place.” Tom points out that if he is making “cauliflower couscous”, it’s still cauliflower. Something this big, you can’t play around with stuff like that. Michael kind of doesn’t react to the bone issue, but I don’t really expect him to anyways. Bryan tells the judges his lamb was supposed to be medium-rare to medium, and he didn’t want to cook it any more because of the marbling. They know he ran out of time. Kevin’s dish was too simple, they think, but he knows that if he had done a lot more he couldn’t have gotten the balance he wanted. Tom doesn’t think Jen cooked the fish as slowly as she thinks she did. The hotel pans aren’t thick enough. It wasn’t cut perfectly, so some were perfect while some were underdone. Eli’s sausage was a good idea, but it had a bunch of fat in it, and he didn’t cook it enough. Tom tells everyone he loved to watch them cook and they did a good job.

Back it the Stew Room Kevin knows he didn’t use enough technique and he let himself down. Gail (oh yeah, Gail is back) says that she could imagine how Eli’s dish would have been, sort of, but a very big part of it wasn’t any good. Jen’s dish was inconsistent. That’s about all they say. Kevin’s dish was too simple for competition, but it was cooked correctly. Michael’s dish was very elaborate, but his garnishes were weak. And they still are annoyed by the salmon bone. Bryan also had a lot of technique, but he couldn’t execute it properly. If he had, he would win hands-down. Bryan is irritated too, but Kevin points out that you could tell where he was going with his dish.

The winner tonight is Kevin. Really? Kick ass. I didn’t think they were going to do that. They give him a jacket and some books, in addition to his money and the spot on the team. He says he’s going to keep trusting his instincts. Good, I like Kevin. Tom tells the remaining four what they did right and what they did wrong. Eli goes home, which I think is the right choice. Although I am tired of Michael. Eli is pleased with having gotten this far, and the four left are fantastic chefs in his opinion, so he’s OK with it. Then he claims not to be reactionary, except he was with regard to Robin. I think he really is upset though. I’d like to point out Inigo won.

Next time: Padma has bangs, there is the Wine Train! I love the Wine Train. Then they say they can only bring 3 to the finale, so I guess they bring someone to Napa Valley only to kick them out last minute. That sucks. Clicky clicky

TAR15, Recap Leg 9, 11/15/09

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on Swedish Roulette II: Biggger, Longer, Haybaleier, teams flew from Amsterdam to Stockholm, Sweden, where Pinky and the Brain get lost and fall into last. (Gary: “Are you pondering what I’m pondering, son?” Matt: “I think so, dad, but me and Pippi Longstocking? What would the children look like?”) There’s lots of dynamite and unrolling of haybales, and Dan starts cussing out his brother. But it’s Gary and Matt who end up last, and find the second non-elimination pit stop. And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
2nd – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
3rd – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang
4th – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
5th – Gary/Matt, Pinky and the Brain

Bögs Gård Farm, Upplands Vasby, Sweden

2:23 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (1st)
Clue: Cross the Baltic Sea by ferry over 236 miles to Tallinn, Estonia! Once there, use the provided keys to open the door to the Mustpeade, the secret lair of the Brotherhood of the Blackheads, a medieval technicians guild, in order to get your next clue.

(Auburnium0513: “It's about clogged pores?”)

4:12 AM Meghan/Cheyne (2nd) – Meghan: “We struggled with decisions last round.”
4:37 AM Brian/Ericka (3rd) – Brian: “The only leg that matters is the final one as long as we aren’t last.” True that. (Auburnium0513: “Lassoing taxis...I love it!”)
5:04 AM Sam/Dan (4th) –Sam: “We shouldn’t bicker, we need to beat the Globetrotters.” Uh-oh, I hope this isn’t going where I think it’s going.
6:29 AM Gary/Matt (5th)

Teams drive themselves to Frihemnsterminalen to catch their ferry to Estonia, but find that the only one leaves at 4:45 the next afternoon. And even though this seems like extreme bunching, I researched the ferry and Tallink Silja only runs one ferry a day at 4:45 PM from Sweden to Estonia, probably because it takes 17 hours to cross the sea. (Toyouke: “But notice how spread out the teams are. It's TOTALLY NOT A COINCIDENCE there is massive bunching. Not that I'm really complaining as I like Gary and Matt.”) So everyone makes the ferry and has a great 17 hour trip, and arrive in Estonia and get taxis in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
4- Gary/Matt
5- Flight Time/Big Easy

Teams then make their way to the Mustpeade. They arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – who open the door for. . .
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka – who open the door for. . .
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Matt

However, once they arrive, Gary and Matt find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the second of three speed bumps on this race, teams must find the SaunaBuss, a sauna on wheels, strip down to a towel and sit in the sauna for five minutes. Once they are done, they may return and get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Gary/Matt

So, Pinky and the Brain sit in a sauna. What kind of task is THAT? (Toyouke: “Um...yeah. This Speed Bump, as all Speed Bumps, is lame and not difficult.”) And they get their next clue.

Now, if a team didn’t have to do the Speed Bump, teams come to the ninth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who wants to solve a medieval mystery?
In this roadblock, one team member must descend into the cellar and find a candelabra with a room number on it. The Roadblocker then finds the room to get a scroll from a waiting member of the Brotherhood. Team members must then hold the paper over the candle to display the next clue, written in invisible ink.

(Toyouke: “Oo, using your brain. I think we might fight over this one.” Kmanpat: “Yes, yes we would. I’d probably give it to you though.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Cheyne (78)
2- Sam (112)
3- Ericka (82)
4- Flight Time (78) – who decides it’s a rubbing and colors the whole sheet. (Toyouke: “I thought about laughing at Flight Time but I might have done that too.”)
5- Matt (88) – who can’t seem to find a candle-a-bra. (Billy Mays: “The Candle-a-bra! For all of your drooping candles! Catches wax like a pro! Hurry and order now and we’ll send you a second for free. But wait, order now, and you’ll get this lovely stand with a room number on it!” Toyouke: “Hee, Gary and Matt. Mostly Matt.”)

After much searching and ink revealing (Toyouke: “I'm noticing that no one is actually holding the paper over the candle long enough to read the clue properly.”) (it says Pikk Hermann Tower Garden), teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Sam/Dan – and Sam keeps pronouncing it Tover.
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Matt – who only get Pikk Hermann Tower.

Teams race on foot to Pikk Hermann Tower Garden to get their next clue in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Sam/Dan
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Matt – who totally miss the clue. Gary: "I don't see anything..." (Auburnium0513: “Oh Amazing Camera Men...how we love thee!”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Serve OR Sling
In both tasks, teams must take a taxi to Tarsi Talu outside of the village of Keava. Once there, teams follow a marked path to the task.
*Serve: Teams strip to their underwear and play volleyball in the bog against a pair of hot locals. (Toyouke: "There's your eye candy for the week.") Teams must score 5 points against the local team to get their next clue from the scorekeeper. There are only two courts, so if another team arrives, they must wait for a free court in order to play.
*Sling: Teams put on bog shoes and use a sling shot to shoot vegetables at a target with a moose on it. (I could not make this up.) When teams get a good shot on the moose, the table with cabbages on it will collapse and release the next clue.

1-Meghan/Cheyne choose Serve
2-Sam/Dan choose Serve – Sam: “Look! Hot Estonian guys!” (Toyouke: “Lord, why are Sam and Dan's crotches blurred?” Kmanpat: “Well, it doesn’t look like anything is hanging out, so I’m guessing that they got hard in their underwear in the mud staring at the hot Estonian guys.” Toyouke: “Ugh. I guess I asked for that.”)
3-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Serve – Big Easy: "We can spike on volleyball!"
4-Brian/Ericka choose Sling – Ericka: “I don’t want to wear just underwear, I wore a thong today!” (Auburnium0513: “Erika, we already know that you wear stringy thongs...remember the duck herding?”) And they chose this only because they arrived at the same time as Hot Boys and Globetrotters, and it therefore made sense to do the other task. (Toyouke: “At least Brian and Ericka aren't going to stupidly wait for volleyball.”)
5-Gary/Matt choose Sling

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Flight Time/Big Easy – and then proceed to run the wrong way.
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt

Teams get their clue and find that they must now travel by foot through the bog to the mat at the top of Keava Rava Overlook Tower, the PIT STOP of the ninth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win a red cedar sauna. (Toyouke: “Hee, I don't think Meghan and Cheyne know what a red cedar sauna is.”)
2- Sam/Dan – who arrive after a little bit of an incident. They were running to the pit stop, the Globetrotters were running the wrong way, caught up, Big Easy tripped and fell into Dan.
3- Flight Time/Big Easy – who then argue that the boys are out to get them. (Toyouke: “What's messed up? That you can't stay on the path? Please, he didn't do anything to you. Shut up, you are my favorites.”)
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt

And Gary and Matt are. . . eliminated. Darn. Gary got what he wanted out of the race, and is very proud of his son. Matt doesn’t ever want to see another candelabra ever.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Sam/Dan
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy
4th – Brian/Ericka

Next week: Teams travel to Prague, where Flight Time serenades the teams and gets glares from everyone. Sam and Dan, however, decide to take Brian and Ericka’s taxi, apparently, which, while underhanded (and I’ll mention this next time) COMPLETELY LEGAL. Just saying. Until next time! Clicky clicky

Project Runway 11/12/09--"Finale pt. 1" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make an outfit based on some art, or possibly the museum. Irina continued to be mean to everyone, and her dress was ugly, but the judges think she can do no wrong, so she moved on into the finals. Carol Hannah designed from a bed, but it wasn’t very close to the bed, but it was a non-offensive dress, so she moved on too. Chris made a long skirt that showed everyone why he never makes long skirts, so he was out. Big surprise. The real big surprise was Gordana, who made a gorgeous dress, that the judges said was gorgeous, and the only dress really inspired by her work of art. Really, they said that. But then they were like “oh, but I don’t know her as a designer” so they kicked her out. What is really sad is how she has said in interview that by this point she had already figured out the judges hated her so much they’d never let her in the finals so she said “screw them then” and made a dress for herself. And it happened. They loved her dress but didn’t want her in the finals so they had to come up with something. Just like how they had to let Althea get away with a super puckery skirt and a horrid, horrid “tank top” that I wouldn’t buy on clearance. But “she has vision” or whatever. Stupid. (click for more)

Heidi reminds everyone they’re going to Fashion Week and Tim also is proud of them. They will have 12 weeks and $9000. Then they go behind the scrim and Tim drops it like it’s hot. Or at least lukewarm. Hilarious.

Everyone packs and Althea reminds us that she and Irina don’t get along because of how Irina accused her of cheating on the runway. She says she might forgive but she won’t forget. Irina claims that she knows Althea and Carol Hannah are intimidated by her.

Tim goes to Huntington, New York, 10 weeks later. So with 2 weeks to go? Doesn’t he usually go earlier to some places? This is where Carol Hannah lives now. Then the chyron says “5 weeks to Fashion Week” which makes no sense at all. She got a tour of Duke University, and some of the buildings, so she’s been inspired by those. There’s a gown with tulle, wide at the hip and narrowing to the knee. She has a sparkly belt with it but Tim recoils in horror. He does the same with a shrug for a long gown. Also she claims to have made pants. Hee. Shorts too! She then tells Tim that her family has come into town and made him a good Southern meal. Hee! Tim claims to love the kitchen and they go downstairs and Tim puts a floral apron over his suit and makes biscuits. Which they cut out with a wine glass. We see childhood pictures of Carol Hannah which are nerdy. She loves that fashion changes how people see you. She is slightly intimidated because she doesn’t have training but she knows what she is doing. Notice there are no shots of Tim pretending to drive.

Irina is in Manhattan. It’s pretty soon after his last visit. Her apartment is tiny. Irina’s collection is inspired by Coney Island. For some reason she has a T-shirt with a picture of Coney Island on it. Her knits are great. Also she has a fur, but it’s unfinished. Tim tells her to make sure her clothes don’t look forced. He leaves, so I guess we don’t get to meet her family or anything. Oh, he is meeting people for lunch. For a minute I thought she was getting a Kenley edit. Irina says her parents and family didn’t get to always do what they dreamed. Her mom looks just like her except with lighter hair. Irina says she needs the approval from her father, and that she needs to win to prove to him she can be successful at this.

Althea lives in Dayton, Ohio. She seems to have a studio space, rather than working out of her home. Tim is disturbed by the freight elevator in her place and lets go an “Egads!” Althea is so glad to see him because she feels like she’s been stuck. She’s inspired by sci-fi movies. She shows Tim a long coat with a long skirt and Tim declares it costumey. Yeah…it kind of is a long black costume. Tim wants her to recalibrate her thinking and edit. She brings Tim to her house (I think it’s her house) which is very cute and painted pink. Her boyfriend is also very cute. She’s very excited about showing.

Back in Manhattan, 10 days before the show, Tim calls Irina to tell her that the Coney Island pictures on her T-shirts are copyrighted and she can’t use them. He wants her to use the idea but with her own images. I think she’s trying to only use the birds but not the Ferris wheel, but probably the birds are copyrighted too. Althea arrives in New York with 5 days to go. Everyone goes to their hotel room that the show got for them, even Irina, who lives there. She and Althea seem friendly enough, if slightly stiff. Not hostile or anything, but think if you ran into someone you sort of knew from school but never talked to. You’d kind of say hi, how are you, what are you up to, and then everyone would just stand there and it would be awkward. They both mention that they’ve been there for hours and Carol Hannah is still not there. After commercials we find out from Tim that this is because she has a stomach virus and it’s contagious. Poor thing. Althea knows that it must be bad if she is not there. They drink the champagne Heidi sent them and talk about how terrible it is that Carol Hannah isn’t there.

The next day they actually arrive at the workroom which might actually be at Parson’s. No one is very talkative but then Carol Hannah shows up looking puny. She spent that last day throwing up and now she feels horrible but has to perform. I feel bad for her.

Tim time! He doesn’t like a sequined jacket Althea has, and he asks her to think about her looks, and whether or not the same customer would buy her outfits. She’s spent a lot of time knitting. Cut to Irina looking pissed. Oh, and then he calls one of her pieces “borderline Hilary Clinton.” Hee. Irina makes some comment, about how Althea copied her, maybe, but that would be hard what with them being in different states and all. Irina says “What would you do without me? You have a good memory.” That was pretty bitchy. Carol Hannah asks for Tim’s advice because she has pieces that she doesn’t like. He suggests she ditch a jacket and has the same comment about making sure all her pieces will appeal to the same customer. Althea is not intimidated. Irina is like, oh, you have no idea how much I have freaked out and I am just tired! It sounds fake. She’s made T-shirts with the same technique, but with words about how she loves New York. That piece is gray but then everything else is black. She claims that she mixed materials. Irina has leather pants and Tim finds them to be like chaps. They walk over to her finale dress, which is “precious” on top and “modern” on bottom. Althea tells us that the dress is full of pins and there will be about 20 yards of hemming. Oo, that is a lot of work. Tim leaves with a warning to make the most of their time.

Now it is model selection time. Althea wants confident edgy girls. No one else talks about it and I don’t recognize any of the models, which doesn’t mean there aren’t models to recognize.
Back in the workroom Kors and Nina show up. Woo! They all sit down for a chat. Kors demands they show the judges who they are as a designer, and Nina says that if they see something they’ve seen before, they should take it out. Kors suggests the first look is a wow look, but then some “regular” looks, and then alternate. They should go with their gut. Carol Hannah is still worried because she’s sick and not on her game.

In the morning Tim sends in their models, and reminds them that whatever look their regular models are wearing will be their “showstopper”, so to speak, and that will be the look that ends up on the runway during judging. And then Heidi shows up. Why is everyone coming into the workroom to interrupt them? Of course, it is to give them a last-minute challenge. Oh, you knew it was coming. How could you not see it coming? Do they not watch the show? Or do the producers tell them to pretend to be surprised? No one is pleased. Then Tim tells them that their “muse” model (the one they’ve been working with) will be casting the model for their 13th look. Plus they have help! Cue the eliminated designers! Logan, Chris, and Gordana. Poor Gordana. Althea takes Logan, Irina takes Gordana, which leaves Carol Hannah with Chris. 30 minutes to sketch, and $250 at Mood. Althea wants a jacket with strong shoulders, but Logan has his own opinion. Gordana tells Irina she’s very good at finishing, and also that she would wear any of those pieces. Chris doesn’t want to make decisions, but he will throw around ideas. Tim informs them they’ll be walking to the “Original” Mood. For real.

Everyone has a lot of work to do. But I want Gordana’s boots. Irina knows she scored with her help. Carol Hannah knows tomorrow has all the fittings so she wants to get far enough along that there will just be finishing to do. Althea is kind of worried too.

Once they get back to the hotel Carol Hannah feels like crap and is sitting on the floor in the bathroom with a bucket and ice on the back of her neck. That is not good.

Next time: Althea describes makeup that is apparently similar to Irina’s, which upsets Althea, Irina runs around, Carol Hannah breaks down, Tim freaks out, Heidi wears that bright pink pantsuit we all saw her in. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 11/11/09--"Strip Around the World" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: well…there was a Top Chef reunion dinner which was lame and apparently people forgot that if Bravo asks you to show up to something then probably they will ask you stupid questions about drama. Before that, though, some stuff happened. There was a random “reimagine TV dinners” challenge, with “inspiration” from classic shows. I put “inspiration” in quotes because “Cheers” does not say chicken parmesan to me. Nor does “Seinfeld” say…whatever Mike made. Kevin got “Sopranos” and made Italian and won easily. Then everyone had to make dishes for Natalie Portman, who is a vegetarian, and of course they were in a steakhouse. But no one did anything useful like, make pasta. Kevin won again, because he is awesome, and Mike was too cocky and went home. But not before the editors made sure we know that no one likes Robin. (click for more)

Bryan misses his family. His son calls him “Bryan” on the phone and he just kind of chuckles. Hee. Jen thinks Mike’s leaving is odd because she thought he’d be in the finals. I thought so too, and then he started to fail. She proclaims in interview that she’s going with the crazy concept of not worrying about anyone but herself.

All 6 chefs go to the Venetian instead of the usual Top Chef kitchen and they don’t know why. The phone rings and Padma is on the line. She’s in bed in a bathrobe. Hee. CJ must be thrilled. Anyways, Padma says they have to make room service for her and also Nigella Lawson. First of all, I love Nigella Lawson, because her food looks delicious and also non-threatening. No fancy presentations and so forth. Second…Padma and Nigella are both in bed together in bathrobes. I’m just saying. Eli refers to an “F Word” episode with Gordon Ramsay which sadly, forces me to give him a point. That show rocks. Ramsay has a restaurant where he takes random people and makes them work in his kitchen to serve lunch for 50, with the idea that al the dishes are really simple and so anyone can make them, therefore he can have a kitchen staff made up of nurses and still do better than the average group of “Hell‘s Kitchen“ contestants. In between those shots are clips about how he raised his own turkeys (one of which he named Nigella) and his search for weird foods and random stuff like that. It’s on BBC America if you get that.

30 minutes and whatever they can find in the kitchen. Allez cuisine! Robin and Eli are up first, apparently because the kitchen is too small for all 6 of them. Robin flails. Eli flails less. Michael and Kevin are the second pair, and Michael has to clean up after Robin before he can get started cooking. That seems pretty unfair. Awwww….separate beds. Robin serves blintz with goat cheese, caramelized pineapple and blueberries. Eli has fried egg Ruben Benedict with Thousand Island hollandaise sauce. Interesting. Rye bread and corned beef and all. Nigella declares it a great hangover breakfast. Back in the kitchen, Michael is pretty much in the weeds. Robin returns and I’m not sure why she’s all of a sudden in his way. I guess she’s cleaning up but why didn’t she wait for him to be done? He snaps that he’d rather she not be there right now and she gets all offended (or as my sister would say, “butt hurt”) and says she’s not going back in there. Well, yeah…you’ve got your stuff and you’re done cooking. See, that was edited to look like he was just a jerk for no reason, but I think she caused that. Michael gets upstairs and serves his huevos Cubana with banana puree, crispy rice, bacon, and arugula salad. Salad? Eh. Michael claims that if you like his food it doesn’t matter how crazy it was in the kitchen. Shush. Kevin has steak and eggs with crème fraiche, aged cheddar, and green onion. There is a coffee dusting on the beef. Yum. Jen tells us she works in a hotel and makes room service. She makes creamed chipped beef on toast, with potatoes and tomatoes. Stupidly she shares the nickname of this dish which is “shit on a shingle”. Duh. Nigella looks worried. Bryan has a four minute egg with vanilla beurre fondue, king crab, asparagus spears, and corn polenta. Sounds good. Nigella is thrown by the vanilla. Sadly the only one making anything resembling crepes is Robin. CJ would be disappointed.

Everyone traipses into a lobby where Padma and Nigella are dressed and waiting. Nigella says that Bryan’s vanilla made her think of desert and threw her off. Robin’s dish was too one note. She volunteers that she’s not proud of her dish. Kevin’s dish, however, worked very well, and Eli’s Ruben was great. It did sound good. She picks Eli as the winner. He can’t win immunity but apparently there is going to be a Top Chef Quickfire cookbook and he gets his recipe in it. OK, you fooled me with the regular Top Chef Cookbook and that thing is generally useless. I got more use out of Christian Siriano‘s book. Yes I bought Christian’s book SHUT UP. Only if you didn’t let the chefs tweak the recipes so they can all still be done in like, 30 minutes or whatever will I get it. Because that other cookbook, has all these complicated techniques and 3 hour cooking times and stuff I’m never doing.

For Elimination today, everyone must make a dish inspired by a casino. Huh? Knives are drawn, and everyone gets something different. Sadly they’re mostly resorts. I think they should go to the old Vegas Strip and make food for old-school casinos. Not Mandalay Bay and whatever. They will make dishes for 175 guests at a party. Kevin tells us that’s a lot.

So all the chefs will get field trips to their “casinos” to figure out what is going on. Michael has New York, New York. He takes notes outside before going in, and decides to make something honoring firefighters. Jen goes to the Excalibur, while she tells us about how she decided to go to culinary school. She wastes time in the medieval floor show. AND she gets food. Well…she sits at the table, then there is a shot of food and beer and then she leaves. She has no idea what to do. Bryan has Mandalay Bay, and goes for the Shark Reef, to watch sharks and think about sustainable fishing. Also he gets a stuffed shark for his son. This editing is not promising. Robin ends up at the Bellagio, with the Chihuly glass ceiling and sculptures. She looks to be headed for a dessert, or something with gelatin. She also talks about how she got started in cooking, so maybe everyone is getting that edit. Kevin is at The Mirage, very tropical. Also he playas with dolphins and tells us that he’s not a redneck, he goes for slow food and substance over style. Eli is at Circus Circus, which is more what I think of when I think of “casino”. He talks about circuses a lot, but I think he may be thinking more of the fair.

Back at home everyone talks about their trips. Michael and Kevin make fun of Eli, because he arguably has the easiest “theme”, but has no idea what he’s doing. Eli complains that there aren’t any restaurants there, but Michael points out that he’s not there to be inspired by other people’s food. Kevin likens Eli’s story to “standing in an art gallery looking at a really sad velvet painting.” Hee. Robin is pushing herself, especially now that she knows Eli is flailing.

In the morning, everyone wakes up, and Kevin sleeps shirtless but sadly the brothers do not. Everyone has 3 ½ hours to cook. No shopping today, I guess it was boring. Kevin is making salmon. There are a lot of other things happening, but I didn’t catch them all right away. It sounds great though. Michael has a dream, and that dream is winning and being a chef and getting his own restaurant. He is making chicken wings? With a twist? He doesn’t say what the twist is. Robin is making panna cotta, and I want to reach through the TV and shake her. Desserts are notorious on this show, and I think panna cotta is the most notorious. Do you guys agree? Rarely does one of them make a good dessert. Robin hasn’t made it a lot, but she at least knows it’s slightly crazy to make something she’s never made before. Jen flirts with Bryan, asking if he wants to be her Prince Charming. Her theme is “sword in the stone”, which somehow involves 3 sauces with red wine. Eli is making caramel apple and peanut soup with popcorn and also raspberry. That could be great or really horrid. He opens champagne and makes a lot of noise. Bryan is poaching fish in olive oil, slowly. Eli complains about how Robin is lucky and is still here. Dude, worry about your apple soup. Everyone runs around to pack for travel.

The party is on the top of the World Market Center, only inside. Eli babbles about Orwellian and 1984 but I’m not sure what he’s talking about. Everyone has one hour to prep. Michael has to make his wings crispy so he has 20-30 of them ready when the party starts. Jen is trying to prep everything early. Robin’s sugar doesn’t turn out. It’s too humid, which I know from watching “Food Network Challenge” is a very bad thing for sugar. The party starts and I know they like to make it dramatic and have everyone rush in, like a mob, but why can’t they do it like a real party? Say when it starts and maybe have some people there then, but then let slackers and latecomers trickle in whenever?

Gail is not here but Nigella and Toby are. Of course Jen has nothing ready. NY strip with red wine reduction, beets, truffles, and herbs. Each cube of meat has a toothpick, like the sword in the stone. NOW it makes sense. Sadly it is chewy and overcooked. Kevin: wild Alaskan sockeye salmon cured in salt and sugar, with compressed Napa cabbage and cucumber. Delicious. Michael’s sign at his table says “boneless chicken wing, blue cheese “semifreddo”, celery cream. He confit the wings and then put curry on them. Firefighters. The blue cheese is on the reverse griddle so it’s a frozen disk. Robin: panna cotta. That’s all it says. She shows them the failed sugar so they know it was there. She’s used too much gelatin. See, if she had just watched past seasons she would have seen the error of using too much gelatin. Bryan: escabeche of halibut with bouillabaisse consommé, parsley coulis, and garlic chips. Escabeche sounds like ceviche, only you cook the fish first before marinating in acid. The judges like it. Eli: caramel apple peanut soup with pulverized popcorn and raspberry froth. Nigella refuses to be the first to try it. Padma hates it. It’s grainy but Toby at least admires his going all in. So to speak.

Commercial interlude: everyone drinks [product placement] champagne and toasts each other. That was lame.

The winners tonight are Kevin, Michael, and Bryan. Well…top three. The salmon was delicious and Kevin’s broth was perfect. Bryan’s dish was beautiful and elegant. Michael made chicken wings and reworked them so they were better. Toby says his food is often “effeminate” and Michael replies that he puts his personality on the plate. Um, OK. Michael wins, which is weird because they didn’t show any shots of Kevin or Bryan getting any criticism, but they did show Toby not liking Michael’s cheese. He wins a magnum of Terlato wine and a weekend trip to the vineyard.

Everyone else comes back for the Loser Gong. Jen knows she didn’t have a plan so her dish suffered. Tom gives a mini-history lesson about how food was all spoiled in the Middle Ages so they had to use a lot of spices. He wanted Jen to go further. Nigella tells her the meat was overcooked and Toby agrees. Then Toby says it was more Spamalot than Camelot, which he obviously worked on for some time, and also, is it even possible to overcook Spam? Robin liked her flavors but not the execution. It was too humid, but I also seem to remember that sugar sculpture like that actually doesn‘t taste very good. Nigella says a perfect panna cotta should “have the quiver of a 17th century courtesan’s inner thigh.” That was wildly specific and awesome. Tom accuses her of being distracted by other chefs’ tricks, which causes her to fail. Not because she’s distracted but because she hasn’t ever done that stuff before. Eli had his dome thing, with the raspberries, but he covered it up. The soup had a really grainy texture too, and he tried to melt some white chocolate into it, but that stuff doesn’t melt. Padma hates on the flavors and says she would never eat that again.

Jen’s sauce was very thick and didn’t help the meat at all. Tom points out that she did so well at the beginning, and Toby thinks maybe she’s hit a wall. In the Stew Room she says she’s ready to go. Robin might have been so distracted by her inspiration, she failed at execution. Panna cotta is easy, and no one saw her inspiration in her dish. Eli’s dish was horrible and a fiasco and the texture was terrible. And Toby didn’t even like how it looked. Nigella wanted to spit it out.

I hope Kevin is named Fan Favorite. That is my vote. Actually I hope Robin wins and everyone’s heads explode.

Tom hates on everyone and then Padma finally sends Robin home. I say “finally” only because now we don’t to listen to Eli complain about her. Oh, I’m sure he’ll have something to say at the beginning of next week, but then that should be it. Robin is glad to have made it this far but she knows that she should have just cooked her comfort food and stuck with what she knew.

Next week: Kevin makes a mistake, Michael talks smack about him, Jen says something about training years for whatever. Thomas Keller is there. If you are unsure why he sounds familiar that is because he owns The French Laundry. Don’t worry, I had to look it up too. Clicky clicky

TAR15, Recap Leg 8, 11/8/09

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on If We’re Going to Holland, I’m Going Dutch, teams flew from Dubai to Amsterdam, The Netherlands, where Ericka found out that she has a counting problem, Sam and Dan run really fast in their underwear, the Globetrotters can break it down even while wearing dresses and wooden shoes, and Maria has no upper body strength. None. Whatsoever. Which is why Tiffany does all roadblocks, and why the girls couldn’t complete the Detour and were eliminated by default. And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys, arrived at 9:33 AM
2nd – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie, arrived at 9:48 AM
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters, arrived at 10:32 AM
4th – Gary/Matt, Pinky and the Brain, arrived at 11:08 AM
5th – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang, arrived at 1:38 PM

Zoutkamp Harbour, Vierhuizen de Marne, The Netherlands

9:33 PM Sam/Dan (1st)
Clue: Fly to Stockholm, Sweden! Teams now fly 700 miles and use train and ferry transportation to get themselves to Tivoli Gröne Lund and find the tallest ride in the amusement park, Fritt Fall. You have $220 for this leg of the race.

9:48 PM Meghan/Cheyne (2nd)
10:32 PM Flight Time/Big Easy (3rd) – It’s Flight Time’s birthday in this episode.
11:08 PM Gary/Matt (4th)
1:38 AM Brian/Ericka (5th) – we finally find out that the reason for them running the race is to show Ericka’s mother that Brian is a good husband and they make a good couple. You know, because he’s a little white boy. (Toyouke: “Oo, Brian and Ericka were really behind.”)

Teams drive themselves to Schipol Airport (Auburnium0513: “I wish our airport had sunflowers at the entrance!”) and arrive in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Gary/Matt
5- Brian/Ericka

When teams arrive, the airport is deserted. Meghan and Cheyne find out that KLM has two flights to Stockholm, 6:55 AM and 9:25 AM, and so they camp out. The first three teams get on the early flight, leaving the later flight for the other teams. So the flights are as follows:

Flight 1: KLM, 6:55 AM
1) Sam/Dan
2) Meghan/Cheyne
3) Flight Time/Big Easy

Flight 2: KLM, 9:25 AM
1) Gary/Matt
2) Brian/Ericka

(Toyouke: “Nooo! Oh wait, Gary and Matt > Brian and Ericka so I think that's OK. Please tell me they tried standby, though.”) Teams fly to Stockholm and catch their trains in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan – who mention that they want the Globetrotters gone because they are athletic. (Auburnium0513: “Really? The Harlem Globetrotters are athletic? I'm so glad you told me that! I never would have known otherwise!”)
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt

It is important to note that the Hot Boys and Malibu Ken and Barbie are the only teams that make it on the same train.
Teams then arrive at the ferries to the amusement park in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt

Teams arrive at the Fritt Fall and get the clue in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt

Teams now have to choose one member (isn’t that called a Roadblock? Whatever. Toyouke: “'One person from each team must ride the ride'...um...wouldn't that be a Roadblock then?” Kmanpat: “That’s what I thought!”) and they have to ride the Fritt Fall to find an arrow on the ground pointing the way to the next clue. The team member must be less than 6’4” and only has 15 seconds at the top of the ride to spot the arrow to the next clue. (Toyouke: “Good thing Mika's not here anymore.”)

Team members find the arrow in the following order:

1- Cheyne
2- Sam
3- Flight Time
4- Ericka
5- Matt

Teams find the arrow and head to the next clue box in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt

Teams now must play the Roaming Gnome Ring Toss (ah, the obligatory gnome game!) and ring a gnome hat. If there is a gnome underneath, the teams must take that gnome with them to the pit stop, and the gnome also has their next clue on the bottom of the base. (Toyouke: “Stupid gnomes.” Auburnium0513: “Oh goody, the product placement gnome...”)

Teams ring the gnome in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Flight Time/Big Easy – who promptly name their gnome. (Auburnium0513: “I'm on gnome duty. Why wasn't that the episode title?” Toyouke: “’Louisiana Shorty.’ Love it.”)
4- Brian/Ericka – and Ericka gets it for their team. Brian: “That’s not fair, the boy should win the prize for the girl!” (Toyouke: “Wow, Ericka's not totally useless.”)
5- Gary/Matt

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Nobel Dynamite OR Viking Alphabet
In both tasks, teams must make their way to Country Road 263.
*Nobel Dynamite: Teams gear up in protective clothing, fill sandbags to build a bunker, with explosives and make an explosion in the side of a hill. This exposes a box which contains their next clue.
*Viking Alphabet: Teams (apparently) would have decoded a message with an Ancient Viking alphabet that tells them to find Truveg the strong Viking to get their next clue, but no one did this, so it really doesn’t matter.

(Toyouke: “OK, this Detour name sucks ass. "Science or Spell". Done. Or I bet you have one too. Or we could call it "Blow Shit Up or Some Other Choice No One Is Going To Pick Because Blowing Shit Up Is Way More Fun." Kmanpat: “I was thinking Nobel or Norse.” Toyouke: “I mean, I know you have to fill sandbags or whatever, but what boy is going to turn down explosives? OK, you might.” Kmanpat: “No, I want to blow things up. Finally, a task for my useless knowledge about Alfred Nobel inventing dynamite!”)

1-Meghan/Cheyne choose Nobel Dynamite – and they decide to fill one bag at a time with the shovel.
2-Sam/Dan choose Nobel Dynamite – they decide to use their hands and go two bags at a time. It’s faster.
3-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Nobel Dynamite
4-Brian/Ericka choose Nobel Dynamite – and Ericka doesn’t care that she’s getting dirty.
5-Gary/Matt choose Nobel Dynamite – who promptly get lost. (Auburnium0513: “Oh I love listening to Pinky and the Brain reading Swedish street signs! It's funny because I know I'd be doing the same thing!”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Meghan/Cheyne
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt

Teams are then instructed to drive themselves to Bögs Gård Farm to get their next clue.

And teams come to the eighth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who thinks they can spot a needle in a haystack?
In this roadblock, one team member must unroll haybales to find a flag buried in seven of the 136 bales of hay in the field. Sound familiar? That’s because this is a Switchback, a task previously performed on the race in the same location. This one is from TAR6, causing the elimination of Lena and Kristy, who unrolled hay bales for eight hours without finding the flag. It was also the spot of Phil’s first elimination at a task. So, woot.

(Toyouke: “Anything but that Roadblock. Any other Roadblock. What about going back to IKEA? Making bricks? Eating meat? Soup? Caviar? Haul salt? Put on a suit of armor and lead a horse? I am willing to consider any other Roadblock to revisit. Just not that one. AND in the rain. Jesus. They didn't make it any easier.“)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Sam – who can’t get a moment’s peace from his brother. (Toyouke: “Yeah, shut up Dan. You have to dig through them. Seriously. How can you have watched enough TAR to remember this Roadblock and the 8 hours but not remember you have to dig through them?” Auburnium0513: “Dan, you are being so NOT supportive right now.”)
2- Meghan
3- Big Easy
4- Brian
5- Gary

After much hay bale unrolling, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Flight Time/Big Easy – who (according to Sam and Dan) are the luckiest people in the history in the race. Enough with the lists people!
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Brian/Ericka – (Toyouke: “Are you kidding me? How do they skate through all the damn time?”)
4- Sam/Dan
5- Gary/Matt

Teams get the flag and find that they must now travel by foot to the mat at Bögs Gård Farm, the PIT STOP of the eighth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated! (Toyouke: “Aww, the greeter is so adorable!”)

1- Flight Time/Big Easy –who win a trip to Turks and Caicos.
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Brian/Ericka
4- Sam/Dan
5- Gary/Matt

And Gary and Matt are. . . sorry to be told that the next leg will be tough because they have found the second of three nonelimination Pit Stops on the race and will encounter a Speed Bump in the next leg.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Flight Time/Big Easy
2nd – Meghan/Cheyne
3rd – Brian/Ericka
4th – Sam/Dan
5th – Gary/Matt

Next week: Teams are off to Estonia, where Matt can’t find a Candle-A-Bra, and it’s Gays versus Globes in a footrace deathmatch! (Toyouke: “My analysis? Manufactured drama and misleading previews. “) Until next time!

Clicky clicky

Project Runway 11/5/09--"The Art of Design" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the remaining contestants had to design an outfit to go with another outfit that they had made for this competition. It was an outfit that won (or in Logan‘s case, whatever they felt like picking). So it was kind of like saying “here’s a really cool thing you did; pretend that’s the basis for your collection. Some people did this and some did not. I think it would have been better had they been given one of their worst looks and told to fix it. Althea turned against Logan because he copied her collar from a previous week. I didn’t notice at first because of the horrid lighting on the runway, but he really did. She decided not to say anything, but this just gave Irina an opening to complain that Althea copied her sweater, because apparently Irina has a copyright on sweaters. Althea won anyway, which was nice, and Logan finally got sent home. (click for more)

Althea says she and Irina aren’t speaking due to the drama last week. Seriously, that design was on Althea’s sketch. No one copied. Irina complains that she will never say something behind your back if she can say it to your face, but apparently people would rather you say things behind your back. I think they really would rather you weren’t a bitch. Chris is the last man left. Gordana says this is her last challenge before the final so she has to do well.

Everyone says they’re one challenge from Bryant Park, so I guess they will eliminate two people today? Because only 3 people showed at Fashion Week. Did they plan on a decoy before they realized the show wouldn’t have aired yet? Heidi is sending them on one final field trip to an iconic place, or whatever, the title is “the ART of design” so obviously it’s a museum. It ends up being the J. Paul Getty Museum. Tim claims they have fully embraced L.A. (even though the next season was filmed entirely in New York where it belongs) and then he introduces the mayor. Doesn’t he have anything better to do? The mayor, not Tim. The mayor claims that this is the creative capital of the nation. Yeah. So they have to use the museum as inspiration. Any part of the museum: the grounds, the view from the grounds, the architecture, or the pieces inside. They’ll get a 30 minute tour and then 30 minutes to sketch. And two whole days to work! Then Tim reveals that the models are here to help inspire the designers. Cool.

There’s some cool stuff inside. All they do show are some rooms which are decorated in 17th or 18th century French style (I don’t know if that’s right or not, I have no idea about these things). Sketching time! Althea is going with the architecture of the building itself. Carol Hannah is sitting on the floor in front of an ornate French bed with draperies and everything. Irina has a Renaissance painting. Chris loves the fountain, and the algae. Gordana picks out a Monet painting with colors she loves that reminds her of her homeland.

Shopping time! $300 and 30 minutes to shop. I think Gordana is shopping without her shoes on. Irina has some fur, that she thinks the outside looks like marble. However she has no idea what kind of fur it is. I can’t tell either based on the size, but she thinks it’s sheared rabbit and I can tell you it’s 3 or 4 times too big to be a rabbit. Tim agrees with me and says maybe it’s a giant Scandinavian rabbit. When they’re done everyone claps for the last trip.

Tim reminds them that it’s the last challenge. Also to take risks, because we all know that the last challenge usually produces some boring stuff. Chris says for someone like him to come from a small town and then go on to Bryant Park is so crazy. Is he talking rhetorically or is this an interview from after the episode is over?

Everyone is pretty tense. Gordana and Irina are laughing with each other, and Chris and Carol Hannah are joking, so Althea feels left out. Then Irina bitches that Althea is taking up three tables so she always has to look at her. Or, Irina, you could face away from the room. Just a thought. Everyone is really bitchy today. Carol Hannah thinks it would be better if everyone just shut up and did their own thing.

In the morning Irina and Gordana “joke” about how Gordana thinks Irina is always making fun of her but Irina says she’s mocking other people. I put “joke” in quotes because if I was there I would assume Irina was always mocking me. Althea thinks they couldn’t make it work for any longer so it’s a good thing they can all go their separate ways soon. Irina really wants to show her collection to show her parents she can do it. It’s a weird clip, because up until now all she’s done is complain about how no one else is as good as she is, but now suddenly her parents don’t believe in her and she wants to prove to them she’s grown. I don’t know, it doesn’t quite go with the persona she’s been edited to have.

Tim time! Chris has gray for the stone of the fountain and a little green for algae accents. And some spiky parts for stalactites, maybe. Tim reminds him that he wants an “Oh wow!” response and not a “Huh?” response. Chris says that happens to him a lot. Carol Hannah is making a gown in champagne, one shouldered, and she wants to put a swath of fabric across the bodice, but Tim says ack! And tells her it ruins the sophistication. Irina has two pieces, for some reason. A draped Grecian gown in sea foam, very Rami, which she calls “fleshy”. Fleshy? To her it means “barely there”, which would be “diaphanous”. Tim makes me feel smart because he refers to the gowns in the painting as “diaphanous”. I use the same vocab as Tim Gunn. Hee. Irina points out that her gown is lined, obviously, so it‘s not quite the same. And then the skins are this mostly shapeless sort-of-vest on another dress form. Tim calls it road kill and that paired with the dress it’s “post apocalyptic.” Nice. Althea has a gold gown with stitching that makes lines down the gown. It’s hard to describe, but it looks like she wanted panels with parallel lines, all set at different angles. Tim is worried because it’s all puckered and that’s all he can see. Gordana has the same colors from her painting, and she’s also draped the front of the gown in an inverted V, which mimics the tower of the cathedral in the painting. That is excellent. Gordana then is about to cry, because she hasn’t told anyone, but she’s very spiritual and she thinks the colors are so angelic. She’s made this for herself. I like it.

The models come in for fittings. Carol Hannah says she likes where Althea is going but her dress is so puckered. Chris knows his place in the competition is “wacky guy who doesn’t listen”. Irina is going to spend the rest of her time on the dress and ignore the fur thing. Althea claims to like Gordana’s dress but says it’s not a “last challenge” dress. On the contrary, it’s exactly a last challenge dress. Althea thinks it’s too boring and she’s got that smirk on her face that says “Look at me, I can’t help but pity that poor woman.” Sigh. Your dress is wrinkled.

Chris shares with everyone that the iron is hot. Yes, irons do tend to get hot. Althea interviews that everyone is nervous, as if she is not.

The last day. Chris sits alone and talks about how it’s a big day. Pretty much everyone does that. Althea hopes she can finish her skirt, which is still puckered. Carol Hannah runs around. Tim sends in the models for an hour of prep time. I had thought that they had cut the prep time to make things harder, but now that I think about it, in the beginning of the season there are so many models and only so many hair and makeup people, it must take two hours to do them all. Now there are only five. Chris seems confident. He tells Irina he has to do what’s right for him, or something. She interviews that Chris is confident but it’s a “false confidence” because he is too much in his head and is clueless. I believe that’s called “delusional”. “False confidence” would be when you fake being confident when you really aren’t at all. Althea says that Irina’s dress isn’t a “Wow look at that” type of garment, but her own gown may be the wrong type of “wow”. You know the judges always get all uptight about puckering. Irina doesn’t like how Althea has poor construction. Whatever. Tim says he wants everyone’s designs to be so fabulous that Nina’s stilettos fly off her feet and shoot across the runway. Hee.

Heidi finally reveals this will be a double elimination. I’m surprised they didn’t do that up front. Judges today are Cynthia Rowley, Nina, and Cindy Crawford. OK then. Althea: a very loose gold tank top and a fitted lighter gold pencil skirt. The top has these huge armholes, and it looks terrible, like she failed at sewing. The skirt has diagonal strips of fabric and kind of looks quilted, but I can see how wrinkled it is even from the crappy lighting they usually use. Carol Hannah: champagne long gown with one shoulder. Actually it looks like it started out strapless and she braided loops to go over one shoulder. The bodice and most of the skirt is satin, and the skirt has a diagonal hem from one hip to her knee on the other side. The underskirt is chiffon and goes to the floor. Chris: long gray dress. The skirt I think is satin, not very full, and then there is a corset-type piece with a thin black ribbon belt. I don’t think it’s laced like a corset but that’s what it looks like from the front, and it ends right under her boobs. Then the top is sleeveless with a high neck. Not so great. Gordana: very long strapless gown with a train, all in shades of gray and pewter and pink. The front of the gown makes an inverted V with the colors. I think it’s wrinkled silk? Irina: very loose short dress in sea foam with Grecian draping. There’s a gold sash and the sleeves are those kind of sleeves where they attach at the shoulder and then are slashed open so your arms show. And her hair looks weird.

Althea describes the parallel lines in the architecture. Cindy thinks she’s brave to take on so much work. Cynthia thinks she may have overworked the skirt but under worked the top. On closer inspection the top doesn’t fit at all and looks terrible. Nina knows she didn’t get the top done. Heidi tries to shame her with her disappointment. Irina wanted something sensual but with tough styling? I’m noticing that the sash is very low on her hips. Nina likes the back but the length is old lady. Cindy is pleased with the color but not the shoes, which are dark platform pumps. Heidi says she wants to take the shoes and a bunch of the accessories off. So she does, and they tell her that’s much better. Gordana explains her gown, which is actually silk organza, because that looks like brush strokes. Heidi can see the connection, but Nina wishes she had taken a chance. They don’t like the zipper, or the back, but the front is where the interesting pattern is anyway. Carol Hannah talks about beds. The dress fits very well, but they don’t see the inspiration and Nina thinks she’s playing it safe. Chris has not yet learned to not mention the algae. Cynthia thinks the bottom is too heavy. Possibly in the wrong fabric. As they pan down, we see the skirt has green sunbursts on it, as if he drew on it with a marker. Weird. Heidi asks if he is confident with his final challenge look, which prompts him to cry and say that this look is more him than any other look, because he saw the beauty in the rocks, and others won’t, or something. Gordana deserves it because she grew up with nothing and would love the chance to shine. They of course want to know who she’d take and she’d take Chris and Irina. Althea has pushed herself and she has the skills. She wants to take Carol Hannah and Irina. Carol Hannah? She makes beautiful clothes that women want to wear. She would not take Irina, but Chris and Althea. Interesting. Irina shows a soul and says it’s OK to dream as long as you work on it, and does not mention how she is the most talented one on the runway. She doesn’t want to pick, because she knows everyone thinks she’s mean, but eventually she picks Althea and Gordana. Chris naturally tears up and says that he deserves it and that Irina and Carol Hannah should come with him.

I’m interested that there wasn’t one person excluded. Remember when everyone said Chloe shouldn’t go to Fashion Week? Heidi feels this may have been such an open-ended challenge it was harder. Althea sent out an unfinished garment but she pushed herself to take a risk. Irina had great inspiration but her skirt was dowdy. Chris always has a beautiful bodice but the skirt was heavy and he still doesn’t understand why that was the wrong fabric. Carol Hannah had a perfectly made gown but she is pretty safe. Gordana had the closest gown-to-inspiration ratio. Nina doesn’t know who Gordana is as a designer. Hmm, not so good.

Irina has done well all season and is going to Fashion Week. Oh, we all knew that was happening. Chris has done some inspired things but he needs more experience and is out. Heidi tells him to remember he can see beauty in the unusual and that is a strength. Carol Hannah’s dress was beautifully made and very her, so she is in. Gordana had a beautiful dress, but suddenly it has construction issues and was not spectacular enough. Althea disappointed everyone with her hot mess of a look, but she did take a risk. Althea is in. MAN. How can you send out that hot mess and still be in? Stupid. I love Gordana. Heidi says they see great things ahead, but it’s a voiceover so who knows. I’ve seen her most recent collection and it’s gorgeous. Tim is saddened. Chris is glad to have been in every challenge. Gordana wants to leave proud to have come from nowhere to make it this far.

Next week: Tim checks on everyone and it’s fun! Irina is still a bitch! Carol Hannah has a contagious disease! Well they didn’t let the contestants show their faces so it’s not like she has to fake health. Poor thing. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 11/4/09--Top Chef Reunion Dinner summary

Sigh. Bravo decided that we were bored this season so they’re letting Fabio host a party with “the most loved” contestants from past seasons, and I don’t know what kind of crack Andy Cohen is smoking, but no one in their right minds would label Ilan or Lisa “most loved”. I don’t mind Marcel as much as everyone else does but I surely wouldn’t name him most loved either. (click for more)

So we have Tiffany and Harold from season 1 (woo Harold!), Ilan and Marcel from season 2, Hung, Casey, and Dale from season 3, Richard and Lisa from season 4, and Fabio, Stefan, and Carla from season 5. Out of those 12 people, I “mostly love” 7. Everyone comes in to schmooze and talk about what they’ve been doing, and nothing exciting happens. Except that Marcel thinks the drama from his season was because he was young and talented. Well…partially, and partially because he’s kind of a jerk and also Ilan is a jerk too. So, a combination of things. Marcel claims all that is under the bridge. I notice Ilan claims no such thing. Blah blah, everyone loves each other, it’s fun, etc. Dale lives with Sarah now. The Asian Sarah? Sara? I forget. Sorry. It looks like Hung hasn’t opened his restaurant yet. There is a clip about how fast he is which is only awesome because it has CJ in it. He says after watching the show he’s calmed down a lot. Fabio mocks Richard’s hair, asking him if he copied it from Jen. Ha! It is pretty stupid. Casey points out that she hasn’t seen Carla since the end of the season. Oohhh. So it was edited to seem that Casey talked Carla out of doing all the things she was good at, and so there was a lot of backlash on Casey because people blamed her for Carla losing. Even though Carla didn’t have to listen to her and Carla also admitted that she thought she needed to do something different. Casey was on a blog (her blog? MySpace? something) the next day saying that Carla had no idea was she was doing and that Casey felt she had to step in and save the entire meal. So it was kind of ugly. Stefan shows up and Fabio flirts with him. No really, Fabio says that now he is complete.

There is a lot of schmoozing and random chit chat. Montage of Lisa scowling. She claims that people tell her she’s awesome. Ilan and Richard talk to each other about how they totally miss competing, in a conversation that is not instigated by the producers at all. Tiffany owns her bitchy attitude from her season, which I didn’t like at the time but now I think she was a great villain from her season. She was irritating but somehow less irritating than, say, Ilan. Fabio asks Marcel something about a bottle? I’m not sure, but Marcel refuses to play along and says Fabio is just trying to start shit so what’s the point? Then he says he’d ask about season 5 but he didn’t watch it. See, that’s why people don’t like Marcel. Why’d he even come back then? I mean…you have to know they’re going to bring up every stupid thing from when you were on the show the first time.

Fabio has a surprise! It’s the knife block! What fun! Not. Although I’m not surprised. Harold wishes to napalm the knife block. Richard apparently is a crazy paranoid person, reading importance into every little detail like what van he’s in today. He goes on this litany in interview about it, and then finishes with how he misses the competition. Well, yeah, being that paranoid in real life generally doesn’t go over that well. One person from each season pulls a knife for choosing order. Each season is making a course for dinner. $500 for shopping. On a side note, I could listen to Fabio and his accent all day long.

Carla and Stefan have the last course but don’t feel like making dessert. Seriously? Lame. But then Fabio comes over and says they have to do dessert. Woo! He promises that they are both good at it. While shopping Stefan insults Fabio using cucumbers. You can figure that one out. Many shopping montages. Ilan and Marcel joke about buying some wine just for them. They seem to not be fighting at this moment. Ilan claims he’d take back all the stuff he‘s said. They go over budget by $88. Nice.

Cooking ensues. Everyone seems pretty relaxed. Even Hung, which Harold notices. Dale has tied a dishrag around his head. Also he is making salty ravioli and the wine he’s used wasn’t good. Fabio plays Tom and comes in to see what’s up. The producers (via Fabio) ask about crazy dishes they’ve made. The montage begins with Hung’s cereal landscape that was insane, yet hilarious. Hee! There seem to be duos and trios all ‘round. Marcel and Ilan are making a salt crust grill, which is kind of cool. We are reminded of Michael Midgely and his Cheeto-Snickers vending machine thing. That was hilarious too. Richard claims one of his favorite challenges was the Wedding Wars when they stayed up all night. Huh? OK then. It was a realistic challenge but real caterers don’t stay up all night. Carla calls Stefan “Uncle Joe” and that he’s the glue that keeps the family together. He asks Tiffany if she needs help and she gives him crap about breaking up with Jamie so quickly. Then she calls him a “lesbian opportunity whore”? I think? It’s funny either way. The cooking is much calmer than usual.

So apparently during the season 5 finale the judges talked to Marcel, Richard, and Casey individually, to see what the finalists were like. They ask Richard something about Hosea but as he’s talking Marcel tries to talk over him about how Stefan really wants it or something. Eventually Toby tells him to shut up, and then Marcel gets all offended that Toby was rude to him. Seriously? I think I was one of the few people who actually didn’t mind Marcel, but…it’s fading. He continues to be a jerk until Gail shuts him down and he walks out of the room.

Harold thinks dinner will be civilized. Right. First course by Dale, Casey, and Hung, is a trio of sardine, oyster, and crab. No chyrons to tell you what is in it. Wait, I was wrong. Casey did the oysters, which are Fanny Bay oyster puree, puffed rice, with watermelon and red onion. Dale made a crab pierogi with mushroom and asparagus ragout. The dough is instant mashed potatoes and there is also a curry hollandaise. Tiffany says it’s a train wreck. Ouch. Hung made sardines with black pepper pork broth and scallions. Fabio says it’s nice that no one will go home and asks leading questions so that someone will say that they were judged unfairly. Montage of insults. Tiffany brings up the box cake mix they used to make the wedding cake in the first season. She points out that they didn’t’ have recipes and baking needs recipes. I would rather have box cake than no cake, I agree. Plus I don’t mind box cake anyway.

Second course is seared scallop with scallop sashimi noodles and tom yum broth, by Tiffany and Harold. I think they also bought some nice wine. Montage of boozing. Especially Leah and Jamie, from when they got drunk in the Stew Room and went in front of the judges plastered. Padma admonishes Leah that she is on national television, but this woman already cheated on her boyfriend and then tried to pretend like she didn’t like Hosea, so I don’t think that argument will work.

Marcel and Ilan made Thai snapper baked in a salt crust, stuffed with lemongrass, lemons and basil, and ratatouille. Everyone praises it. Fabio tells Marcel it looks like he wants to fight everybody all the time. Marcel claims that he doesn’t know him at all, etc., and Casey jumps in to defend him. Fabio says that’s why he’s brought it up, I guess to point that out and ask him what the deal is, but of course Marcel is on the defensive now. Dale claims that out of the past 5 seasons, Tiffany and Marcel have been dumped on pretty badly. I notice he didn’t mention Lisa. Then Fabio brings up the Casey/Carla drama from the finale. Carla takes responsibility for her choices and doesn’t blame Casey at all. Casey didn’t understand how it got turned around on her. I think they all got along great but when she saw the final edited episode it was not accurate. All of a sudden everyone is jumping in that they don’t want to talk about it anymore. Fabio says “you know the deal” which makes me think contracts have been signed. Everyone is tired of it, and then Fabio asks to say something and then tells the camera people they can leave because this is off camera. Of course they do not leave. He says if they want to go home, they need to wrap this up. They all know the drill, and no one forced any of them to come tonight, so don’t make him look like the bad guy. If he gets upset, it will be bad off camera. Next time “Top Chef” asks you to do something, then just say no. I love it. Everything he said was right. Fabio sits back down, everyone laughs, and Fabio immediately asks Marcel to talk about the head-shaving. Rehashing of nonsense. We learn nothing new, except that Fabio asks Marcel if he feels like a victim and Marcel is like “Did I feel like a victim when Cliff dragged me off the couch and held me down and physically assaulted me? Yeah, kind of.” Yeah, they deserved that comment.

Fourth course is corn fed beef, confit in its own fat I think, duck pate with savory root beer caramel. And a damn foam. Fabio asks for the most fun fight. Casey brings up the Howie-Joey fight that was random but very angry. Richard remembers Spike/Antonia/Jen/Hung/Lisa. Oh yeah, that was fun. People getting angry for no reason and Jen being insulted because her girlfriend screwed up.

Dessert is raspberry panna cotta with chocolate mousse and an almond crisp. Harold begs to talk about something positive, so then we get the montage of people acting crazy in the Stew Room. CJ sings. People dance and look like fools. Season 5 made both a volleyball court and beds out of the Ziploc bags. And then all of a sudden Fabio thanks everyone for coming and that’s the end. They should have named a winner. Also, Bravo, just for future reference if you wanted to do a clip show you could just pay Andy to do one. I would be angrier because I hate Andy Cohen but it would have been so much cheaper. Clicky clicky