Previously on “Project Runway”: No one was eliminated so all that drama was for nothing. Bryan sulked because Jeffrey called him out and he was mad no one stood up for him. Honestly he was a pain in the ass all episode and the producers put in as many sound bites from him as possible. I guess to make us hate watch. The actual challenge was to make outfits inspired by dance styles, which is not the worst challenge. Jude won, because Jude is good at this. Jeffrey and Bryan were both eliminated, and then Christian revealed he had a Save this whole time and he's decided to save one of them. (click for more)
Of course he Saves Bryan because the universe sucks. Also fuck this show. No one says anything about how they are glad Bryan got Saved. Although Bryan announces to the room that they are amazing and like, Season 22! I'll drink to that! Naheim where's my drink? I hope this shot of Naheim, stone faced, while Bryan demands he get him a drink, is an accurate shot and not edited for drama. Like I hope Bryan said that and Naheim stared him down. Every shot of everyone except Bryan is a shot of pissed off designers. Naheim is gonna ignore him because everyone knows his weird behavior.
Last challenge before the finale. Oh good, this show is almost over. So Heidi comes out in a wedding dress. Bleh. Joseph kind of freaks out. Bryan says some shit, and listen y'all. I am so tired of hearing this man talk, because it's nothing but smug bullshit about how amazing he is. I'm not recapping all of his confessional interviews. Hilariously the sponsor for this challenge is David's Bridal, possibly the last place I am going for fashionable wedding gowns. Don't get me wrong, they have plus sizes, and reasonable pricing, but fashion? So you will make a wedding dress, and the chyron says it's a two day challenge. Supposedly David's Bridal will sell your dress. Sure. You get $1000 which is so much. Also only three people will go to the finale, so it's a 50/50 chance you go home. Anna points out that she's the only person here who hasn't won a challenge, and also the only woman left. Christian jokes that he'll carry Heidi, but instead does a piggy back on Heidi's back. Heh.
At Mood, Christian does a gather 'round, and says this shopping trip is important because they need a reveal. All weddings have a great reveal moment. Do they? Whatever. Also how dare you eliminate the drag designer before a challenge with a reveal. So then he says you must make a second dress. THAT'S NOT A REVEAL. Ugh, now I gotta talk about 12 outfits instead of six. The only thing this has going for it is the part where this announcement happened in Mood and not on the morning of Day Two. Joseph just laughs because what else can you do? David's Bridal will make this dress too. They actually have $1400 for both looks. Naheim hasn't been to a wedding since he was like, three, so he doesn't even know what a wedding dress should look like. He pulls a bolt of like, olive green, and Christian yells at him and takes it. Everyone giggles. He yells at Bryan that he didn't Save him for nothing, and Bryan asks if he wants to have a moment, and Christian immediately yells NO and walks away. Good.
Design Day 1 of 2. Six hours to work. Anna, Bi, and Joseph discuss how they miss Jeffrey and how he would have killed it at this challenge. Bryan has to put his two cents in, because of course, so that Bi can argue with him about if Jeffrey is more than a costume designer. At least Bryan has some understanding that no one wants him here.
Christian Time. Everyone has a bridal look and an “after-party” look. Bryan talks about cathedrals, and then he says “Barcelona” but the American way, not the Spanish way, which makes me hate him a tiny bit less. Right now his fabric just looks wrinkled, because he doesn't have the shape down yet. Christian tells him it should be like his first look, as in his look from the first episode. In confessional he kisses Christian's ass, like it's gonna help him. Naheim wants to make a gown, because he wants to show everyone he can make a gown and not just streetwear. But a leather gown. Christian labels it “an abstract one of your pants” which is praise. Anna is thinking lingerie for the after party look. She's pretty confident. Jude has a tuxedo jacket and Christian gives him shit for it being the same thing he did last week. It's very Jude, but also kind of boring. Christian knows it's about time for the judges to finally realize Jude makes the same clothes most of the time, and yell at him about it the way they've been yelling at Joseph. He had a lot of details planned, but he doesn't think he has time with two looks to make. Bi has a black dress and he says “haunted beauty”. He wants to set it apart. Then he reveals he's working on sewing the veil right now, and the dress is not done and is not being worked on currently. Christian is horrified. Joseph is making his bridal gown in lavender. Also giant pants that Christian can fit in one leg. I think Christian just leaves.
Oh and “a guest”. Another influencer, named Becca Bloom, whom I have not heard of. Whatever. She's just here to say shit about people but she's not judging. Apparently she just had a massive wedding, and then Anna is all, oh she knows what the modern bride wants. Does she? Or did she just plan a massive wedding for views and “normal” people would never do any of that? Becca is scandalized that Anna is the only woman left. She doesn't tell anyone anything particularly useful, but she doesn't say anything crazy so I guess that's enough.
Day 2. Only like, six hours to work. They had two days but they didn't really get a lot of time for this. Bryan for some reason shows his work to Bi, I don't know why, and then Bi is like “it's not my style, I don't like it.” Good for him. Bryan wants to know why he doesn't like it, as if he gives a shit about anyone else's opinion.
Model fitting. Jude's suit is fine but not that interesting. Christian likes Anna's look which she is happily shocked by. Joseph's lavender pants have the most insane crotch. The waist is so high and then it's like, flowy, so it does not look good. Joseph knows and he's going to fix it. Bi did not listen and finished his veil before finishing his dresses. They all know. It's beautiful but the dresses aren't done and he has under two hours. Naheim is chatting up the models and Christian gives him shit about it. He doesn't think Naheim's look is really Naheim enough.
Runway Day. Joseph has fixed the crotch of the pants, but like, then we see that the back of the pants are wild. From her knees up to the waist, the backs of her legs don't have fabric, just wide purple ribbons and corset lacing. Naheim is like, “Damn, she looks like a bad bitch. Gotta go to that wedding. Am I marrying her? No, but I'd go to that one, for sure.” Hee. Time for Ulta to pretend people go there to get their hair and makeup done for their weddings. I mean I guess they could.
Nina is here, thank God, and two guest judges: designer Sergio Hudson and actress Kiernan Shipka. Jude: black tuxedo jacket and pants. The pants are slit up the sides almost to her hip, and then the edges of the slit are lined in satin ribbon, with some pieces hanging down for movement. The jacket is fine, nothing super exciting, and then she has on a dark brown top that looks like a basic shell with a deep V that hits just below her boobs. It might be a sheer black top. The after-party look is a sleeveless ivory dress, very simple. It's two vertical rectangles over her shoulders, held together with a waistband and clasp just under her breasts, and then ending at her thighs. There are two layers, and I thought it was the top and a miniskirt, but it's all the top, and then there are hot pants under this.
Naheim: long white gown, long sleeves, with a wide V neck. It looks like the skirt has panels of different lengths, so on the sides it's shorter, but the front is floor length. It's full enough that it doesn't look like weird rectangles. I think there might be a train. The second look is a white long-sleeved shirt and long pants. The pants are a little wide, but not crazy, and it looks like it's a brocade, or something with texture. Sadly the shot where I can see the texture, there's a really obvious loose thread. The top is pretty tight, and it looks like a zipper up the front maybe?
Anna: a strapless white gown, with a corset or at least ribbon to make it look corseted. There are white lace sleeves, or gloves. On the sides of the skirt, there is a narrow oval panel made of lace instead of the solid satin. And then corset lacing in the back of the skirt? It's a narrow skirt but I guess she can walk in it. When the model turns around, you can see there is corset lacing all the way down the back of the dress, from the top of the bodice to the floor. One set of laces tied at her waist, and the other set down by her ankles. The after-party look is a white bra and sheer lace skirt. I mean it's a white cotton bra with a square neckline and it doesn't really extend down past where a bra would end. The skirt is like, one layer of white lace, with a rectangle in front and then two on the sides and one in the back. They're only attached as far as they need to be to not show her underwear, and then that makes the slits in the skirt. And the skirt only comes down to just below the knee.
Joseph: first of all, both of his models are carrying “flowers” that I think are purple satin, bunched up, with a fall of green for the stems. The bridal outfit has a tulle scarf, the kind where you put it to your throat and then let the ends hang down your back. The top is strapless, and then the pants are flared at the knee. It does look like a mermaid skirt from the side, train and all. All of this is in lavender velvet maybe? I don't know if there is anything weird going on with the top because the model never moves the flower. On the back of the outfit, the pants are laced with ribbon, like a corset, from her knee to her waist. I think he put some fabric under this so her ass isn't hanging out. The after-party dress is the same fabric, but a short full skirt and lacing across the front of the bodice. There are cap sleeves and the neckline and lacing comes up pretty high. This bodice has no back to it.
Bi: the bridal look is black, a long narrow gown with some black satin fabric swags over one hip. Either satin or leather. The bodice has a corset, and she's got a veil that's trimmed in sparkly black lace. The second look is a white mini dress. The bodice is another corset, this one with a tab that extends down over her crotch. The skirt is several layers of sheer white lace. Enough layers that if she's standing still, you can't see anything, but as she moves, the layers part and suddenly she's got one sheer layer on. Above the corset is more sheer lace up to her neck.
Bryan: the wedding gown is a long white gown with a very full skirt. The fabric looks textured, but I'm not sure how. The sleeves are super wide but they do stick out and create volume, instead of being flowy. But it does kind of look like the dust ruffles he's been putting out. At least these aren't a contrasting color. The skirt has several layers that are kind of architectural, and I don't think it's floor length. I don't like Bryan, but this is certainly “Fashion”. They show a close-up of the top, and you can see rows of buttons along the seam between the bodice and the sleeves. The second look is white floral lace. There is some corset boning, or it looks like there is, but then it feels like he just took two rectangles, sewed them together at the top, and put it over the corset. There doesn't seem to be a waist. Or maybe there is, and then he put fins on the sides. I can't tell. But the sides of the skirt are slit all the way up to her waist, basically.
We'll talk to everyone today. Bi's two looks do go together, and they love the veil. He managed to arrange it so the sparkly trim is right at the top of her bodice, so you can't immediately tell if the lace is part of her dress. OK that is interesting, fair. Law says this girl is never gonna be a trad wife, which is somehow a good comment? His only complaint is that the grommets in the corset on black dress should also be black and not nickel. That's fair. Bryan gets the critique from the one actual designer on the panel that his two looks don't go together. They don't look like the same person would wear them. It's original, but the skirt of the wedding dress is draped and gathered in such a way that she has an insane crotch. Everyone laughs at him for a second. The second dress is clearly an afterthought, where he ran out of time. Nina says at least he didn't play it safe this week. True.
Anna's bride looks hip, and the lacing all the way down her back is impressive. The second look is sexy and effortless. Law says it's maybe her best work all season. Anna starts crying and she says she's just an emotional person, and then she says she decided to be a fashion designer after watching this show when she was EIGHT YEARS OLD and excuse me while I wither into dust. Naheim made a beautiful wedding gown, although it has some fit issues. But the second look sucks. The top is too tight, and Nina points out he could have made his street style for the second look, and that's the one that is boring.
Jude made perfect clothes, because his tailoring is perfect. Nina says he knew this was what he did best, so that's what he decided to show. Oh so they're not going to be bored with him making suits again? Huh. I'm fine with it, I just thought that's where we were headed. The guest designer knows this was a ton of work, and he says he's looking out for Jude because his clients don't need to see anything Jude is making. Heh. Joseph's looks do not go over well. I thought the crotch was no longer insane but it is. It folds into a weird pocket like halfway down. You know on men's khakis that sometimes when they sit down, everything bunches up and it looks like an erection? Like that. That's what the flowers were hiding, not the bodice. The pants don't fit, and it needed to fit first and then have style. Nina says it's not her taste, but it's creative and whimsical. Law is actually nice and says he was surprised that this was Joseph's look, and in a good way.
Time for the traditional “Who should come to the finale with you?” question that is only here for drama. Joseph says he would take Jude and Anna. Bi says Anna and Joseph, because his viewpoint is strong. Law calls bullshit, Bi wants Joseph because he thinks he can beat Joseph. Why not Jude? Bi refuses to answer, which is hilarious to me and I am pleased Law won't get his way. Bryan says Jude and Anna, Anna says Jude and Naheim, Jude says Anna and Naheim. Naheim says Jude and Anna. So everyone wants Jude and Anna. Interesting. Law points out no one picked Bi, and Bi is like “Thank you!” Naheim claims if he could have another person he'd pick Bi. He thinks he can beat Bi. I mean even if you pick a strong competitor like Jude, you still have to think you can win. Right? No one picked Bryan either but no one is surprised.
We come back from commercial and there is no deliberation. The winner is Anna. Of course, because she hasn't won yet. When Heidi asks how she feels, she says “I think my boyfriend better put a ring on it.” Ha! Jude is in. Bi is in. Oo, no cliffhanger. No this is correct. I am sad because I like Naheim, and admit it, you want to see what kind of crazy shit Joseph would do. Naheim is sad, and of course Joseph and Bryan thought they would be in the finale. Joseph is less annoying about it. Then Heidi says they decided to send a fourth designer to the finale, because of fucking course. OK well here is the cliffhanger, and that's fine, because I don't feel like screaming about it right now.
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