Much like the Soviet Union, Andre cannot last

I was rooting for Andre. I really was. VJ bugs me. He's a cocky bastard and he reminds me of people I know who think they are all that and a side of fries, but in reality, they're not even worth bad potato salad. Andre thought about it, realized he can't even speak proper English so giving a Power Point presentation would be tricky, and used his phone to call Pickel, who everyone loves and who can talk anyone's ear off. No one saw it coming and even VJ was like, very sneaky, you coward. And then he had to go speak up and babble about nothing and I think that might have ruined it.

If I could do a good Russian accent when people asked me how I was doing I would say "I'm feeling Soviet!" Clicky clicky

I hate promo monkeys

So I'm enjoying the photo shoot, loving Andre and noticing that Andrea is really, really bossy. And VJ isn't that great but he thinks he's hot, which is pretty typical. And then they're showing how similar all of VJ's shots are to Andre's. And they really are. VJ insisted that he didn't copy, but come on, dude. You hide encyclopedias, you eavesdrop on people practicing their lines, you outright cheat and call your friend for info about the car. Do you really think we're going to believe you when you're like, "I only copy off people I like, so I didn't copy you"? And then Mary Alice is all, VJ, this shot looks totally like Andre's, and Andre is laughing and VJ looks uncomfortable, and then commercials.

And then when we get back from commercials, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS. Mary Alice goes back to talking about how VJ sucked at the beginning but then got better, and then never mention it again. Something must have happened because Andre doesn't interview that Mary Alice let it slide or whatever. I wanted to see VJ get called out! The previews implied he'd get called on all his BS! Stupid promo monkeys. Clicky clicky

"How are you feeling, Andre?" "I'm feeling Soviet."

That was hilarious. I still don't like Andre that much but "I'm feeling Soviet"? Classic. Also I'm changing my mind about VJ. Not that I don't like his skirting the rules and getting praised for it. But he's kind of turning into That Guy and I always root against That Guy. So when he was battling Andre on the treadmill, I wanted him to trip or something. And I wanted the "alliance" to get rid of him but they seem inept. I'm sad for Pickel. I like Pickel. :( Clicky clicky

Why you should never drink while on TV

I am a big fan of surprise challenges. Well…OK, maybe not all surprises. When you get a challenge and then the host non-chalantly says, “Oh, by the way, you also have to do this,” sometimes that’s a little much. Make an outfit describing the person who owns this dog, under budget, under the time limit, and oh, by the way, make some clothes for the dog too. You don’t need to make clothes for the dog. On the other hand, when the contestants “get the night off” and they buy that (making me think that they’ve never watched a reality show before) and then the hosts show up to shout Surprise! Party’s over! Make new clothes out of what you’re wearing/new dishes out of leftovers/remember what happened at the party! I very much enjoy that.

So when I heard that on “America’s Most Smartest Model” they were going to have a surprise challenge I thought that would be hilarious, but it ended up being sad. It’s Daniel’s birthday and Mary Alice told them they could go out for drinks, and Rachel ended up getting pretty drunk, and a lot of them were drinking. And then there were random agents/casting directors wandering around seeing if they could act coherently and network. The models didn’t know it was a challenge until the end of the evening. I don’t like the explanation that “You always have to be on and be aware of who you’re meeting because you might let your chance for your big break slip through your fingers.” If Andrea thought that guy was hitting on her, maybe he was. If he’s trying to hard to be tricky, then that’s what he gets. If you’re not up front about why you’re talking to someone, that’s pretty unprofessional. Although, Daniel’s tantrum was pretty extreme. I felt bad that he had to work with the ostrich the next day in the photo shoot, because ostriches are uncooperative. All the animals were trouble somehow except for the horse. And Pickel’s chicken. Hilarious. I love Pickel. And I have to give reluctant points to VJ for figuring out that there wouldn’t be so many agents at the bar if something wasn’t going on. He’s obviously watched a lot of reality television, so I have to admit he may be “playing the villain”, which is what people say they’re doing so they can turn up the douchebaggery.

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Ha ha

I wonder if you can actually make tanning lotion out of kitchen products? Plus, I was pretty sure that the nerds were supposed to be the focus of the whole photo shoot so I'm not sure why people got yelled at for not showing off their bodies enough.

What makes my day though is the news that Andre got arrested. Clicky clicky

Hot boys + Ben Stein + stupid = gold

I guess since this is my first post it should be an introduction or something. But I think you'll figure it out. It's about TV and I mock it or talk about how things are so worth watching.

My sister told me to watch "America's Most Smartest Model", which is on VH1 so you know it's not the highest quality show. I mean, it's no "Beauty and the Geek", even. But I turned it on, and within 5 minutes I was proclaiming its glory.

See, I've been waiting all summer for some good trashy reality show. But I'm picky about my guilty pleasures. They have to be pretty stupid, and they need to have hot guys in them. Actually, that's not that picky. "Kept", about boys competing to be Jerry Hall's pool boy? Totally qualifies. "Strip Search"? Dude, that show was about a competition to part of a group of male strippers performing in Vegas. So you see the level that I am operating at. And in honor of being smart I think I'll make a proof about why you should watch this show.

Given: "America's Most Smartest Model" is a reality show where models compete in mental and physical challenges to win a $100,000 prize.
Prove: "America's Most Smartest Model" is awesome.

1. Models are fun to watch. Reason: Hot boys. And girls too. Although Mandy Lynn, who has fake boobs and a bad lip job, isn't that hot. Her mouth bothers me. I almost can't watch her talk.

2. Models aren't very smart. Reason: That's the whole idea behind the show, trying to break the stereotype. Only they haven't been very successful.

3. Schadenfruede. Reason: If you haven't seen Avenue Q, schadenfruede is when you laugh at other people's misfortune. The first challenge was a spelling bee. They made sure there was a graphic onscreen so you could see just how poorly they were spelling words like Lacroix and von Furstenburg, which they should probably actually know. I nearly spit out my drink.

4. Ben Stein. Reason: Ben Stein is awesome. His deadpan delivery and contempt for stupidity are exactly what is needed here. He makes fun of the contestants when they are particularly stupid, and at the end of the show when he eliminates them he says things like, "Much like an extra toe you are vestigial!" Cue crickets.

5. Evil producers. Reason: The bathrooms, kitchen, and refridgerator all have combination locks on them, with signs like "The year the USA celebrated its bicentennial". Making models come up with stuff first thing in the morning so they can go pee? I'm waiting for Amazing Editing. Bonus: they change them every day.

6. "America's Most Smartest Model" is awesome. Q.E.D.


For those of you who watched "Kept", which is probably no one, Slavco was cast on this show. But they did one of those, "Welcome, here's the rules, let's eliminate some people" twists and within 10 minutes they had kicked his ass out. I cheered. Clicky clicky