Previously on “Top Chef”: we had to deal with the stupid gelato sponsor, and talk about regional ingredients or whatever. Just go with it, you would hate it more if the [product placement] was for the Elimination challenge. Laurence won some more money. Then everyone had to make progressive menus, in teams, with hot peppers. Sure. Rhoda made a very spicy short rib dish that everyone loved, and she won again. Jassi doesn't do any spice, but then ended up having to make the spiciest dish, and he couldn't do it. So he was sent home, and now everyone left can go to LCK. (click for more)
Y'all the Monday night is not good. I don't like it. I was so tired, and then I thought I'd just do it Tuesday afternoon, but then I couldn't sleep. And then I went to finish the episode and felt tired again. Jennifer and Justin talk and it turns out, Jennifer fell out of a rope swing two weeks ago and busted her shoulder. Today it hurts but not how it has been hurting? A new thing? She's trying to power through.
They all arrive for the Quickfire, and there is one covered dish on a pedestal and it's smoky in the room. Kristen shows up and says not to worry about it, which is more ominous than saying nothing. Emeril is here. Everyone kind of freaks out. The twins are fans. The Quickfire today involves...livermush. Heh. This is basically pork liver and I'm sure various other meat trimmings, mixed with cornmeal so you can make big blocks and slice it. No one is happy about this, although there are laws about how much pig liver you have to have in it so it's clearly serious business on some level. You need to make a dish with this, of course, for $10,000.
30 minutes to cook. Sieger says it's just cat food, and Anthony compares it to scrapple. Jennifer is in a ton of pain and asking the producers what to do about it. In the end she just walks off set, and it turns out she's in a lot of pain and her fingers are tingling which is not a good sign. Then she goes to get an X-ray. Sieger plans some acid and he and some other contestants joke about not letting Laurence win again. Brittany talks about pate and Sherry talks about foie gras. Nana makes French toast. Sure. Rhoda is making meatballs. Oscar is making breakfast. One of the twins makes a bad pun joke in an effort to get screen time. There is a lot of cross talk which is weird but hey, at least they're getting along I guess. Brittany fries some thin slices for some texture. Nana was going to make livermush whipped cream but she overwhips it and and makes butter. Instead of using it she's just going to abandon it. You could have put livermush butter on your livermush French toast.
Duyen: livermush and grilled chicken banh mi with pickled carrots. Nana: livermush French toast and maple syrup. Anthony: livermush pate with tomatoes, cayenne, and livermush croutons. Justin: cornmeal fried livermush with brown butter hollandaise and roasted grapes. Jonathan: livermush Benedict. Sherry: livermush foie gras, pommes de terre, and pickled sunchokes. Pommes de terre is just potatoes. Laurence: Cantonese steamed egg with livermush and marinated tomatoes. Sieger: piccalilli beurre blanc with seared livermush. Piccalilli is a relish. Oscar: “livermushroom” toast with Parmesan whipped cream. Brandon: arpege egg with livermush. The arpege egg is I think when you cook the egg in the shell and then just cut the top off and serve in the shell. Brittany: crispy livermush, pate and grape mostarda. Rhoda: pork and livermush albondigas with peaches and marsala Dijon sauce. Albondigas are meatballs.
Nana made good French toast but there wasn't enough livermush, Laurence had wet steamed eggs, and Brittany's dish was dry. On the other hand, Duyen had a great banh mi, Anthony found a pairing with tomatoes and his croutons turned out, and Rhoda's meatballs turned out perfectly. The winner is Anthony. He says “Oh shit” and laughs. Feels great to win $10,000.
Elimination Challenge. Kristen talks about the textile industry, and then a bunch of cloth falls from the ceiling, and then there's a big table full of random stuff. There is something about natural dyes. You must make a dish where at least two components have been dyed with natural food dyes. Duyen says that natural dyes aren't as vibrant as artificial. 30 minutes and $200 to shop at Whole Foods, and then two hours prep tonight plus one hour tomorrow to cook and serve like 7 people. The winner will get immunity. Emeril says “kick it up a notch” and “Bam” and everyone claps.
Oscar admits to his car that the last time he used food dye, it was on St. Patrick's Day and he used way too much. Sieger says in confessional that he usually uses such good local produce that they never mess with it. I wonder if you get some good colors from your ingredients, but they aren't technically “dyed”, if you will get in trouble. Anyway Sieger is an artist so he's feeling like he's in a good spot. Brittany points out the judges had to eat hot peppers last episode and now they'll have tie-dye mouth. Jennifer calls Justin and she says nothing is dislocated so her shoulder pain is maybe a pinched nerve or a bad strain. Urgent care gave her some painkillers and she's hoping they kick in soon, or at least by the time she meets them at Whole Foods.
At shopping, one of the twins asks what's a good substitution for banana leaves, and Rhoda says Swiss chard. Then she says if he wins with that idea she'll kill him and she and Brittany giggle. Laurence is making bao because it's a blank canvas. I feel like I have seen bao buns that were colored. Rhoda is getting mussels and coloring her sauces. She is thinking out loud for the camera, and then Oscar comes up next to her and jokes that he's going to do mussels, maybe play with the sauces, basically whatever the winner does. There's a lot of jokes during shopping which is fun. No one hates each other, yet I guess. Jennifer straight up asks Justin what protein to make, which normally would be obnoxious but I'm assuming she's on major painkillers right now. Nana knows she's not great at time management, so she's making chicken galantine stuffed with crab, since she's done it before and she knows she can do it. She says 75% of her dish is the chicken and crab, so if she finishes those today, then tomorrow she's “home free”. I include this because it seems like extremely heavy foreshadowing. Oscar has been making a game about spending every penny of his budget, and everyone chants for him as he checks out. He says this is the closest he's come to a win, and then everyone cheers because his total is $199.01.
Two hours to cook. Someone immediately says “One hour, 59 minutes, 30 seconds left”. Jennifer doesn't know exactly what she's doing, but she likes turmeric, and she knows she's making a milk bun that needs to get done tonight. Justin went to art school, but he also admits he did a lot of drugs in art school. Heh. He's vacuum packing his vegetables to get the color in. Laurence and Anthony joke about how Anthony “took” Laurence's Quickfire. Sherry is making tri-color spaetzle which sounds delicious. This is something she's done before, and she wants to win. Someone is putting activated charcoal on pork chops and it does not look appetizing. Anthony has chlorophyll to add to his mole verde, but he's doing it tomorrow because otherwise it will break down while it's cooking. Someone says “chlorophyll more like bore-ophyll”. Heh.
Tom Time! And Emeril. The chefs do greet him, but Anthony and Oscar continue to trash talk each other about how Oscar hasn't made any moles but Anthony has made two already and he's making another one so they need a mole-off. Tom and Emeril talk about dyed fish and salmon covered in beets and how mostly the ingredients for the dyes don't have strong flavors, except saffron. Also someone says they have squid ink which I'm pretty sure is a strong flavor. Tom says that if they add too much acid, or cook their dishes for too long, all the colors will break down. Tom and Emeril have this conversation off to the side, and then they walk around and look over people's shoulders and make comments. I'm not sure why they aren't actually having conversations with anyone. Oh, wait, they're going to talk to Duyen. She's making basil stuffing for her chicken, and saffron and turmeric in her sauce. She also has a parsnip puree, which she might leave white, but Tom demands she dye that also. Brandon is making deconstructed lasagna. When Tom and Emeril leave they laugh about it.
Laurence is freaking out because he's trying to make dough with cherry juice, but it's not working how he wants and is also not the red he wanted. He starts over with freeze-dried strawberries. Duyen is making something with liquid activated charcoal but it's grainy. A twin makes hibiscus pickles. Nana has all her ingredients prepped but she's struggling to roll the galantines as tight as she wants them. She interviews that she's going to seal them up and deal with them tomorrow. Foreshadowing. Jennifer's drugs are wearing off so she's leaving her bread for tomorrow and hope they rise properly overnight. Oscar is curing his fish on the outside in like three colors, and hope they taste OK. I think Laurence also says his dough should be fine, so there are a lot of people leaving big stuff for tomorrow and hoping it's fine. Everyone gets packed up.
Back at the apartments, Rhoda interviews that she, Brittany, Sieger, and Oscar are all a tight group. They sit on a couch in matching sweats and Oscar deals out facemasks. How did they get matching outfits? Oscar says this is how gangs start. Heh. Sitting on the couch drinking rose with beauty treatments.
Everyone has one hour today to get their stuff done. Brandon is making pasta with like, blobs of color. Nana has overstuffed her galantine, so she has to reroll them. See I told you it was foreshadowing. I think there are staggered start times for service. Nana is putting her chicken in the oven with like half an hour left. Jennifer is making dough so hopefully that turns out. She's got to make bread and then stuff it, I think. Brittany interviews that she really struggled when she lived in New York, and starting using drugs to cope, so she moved back to Charlotte and got clean. Nana's chicken is still raw, and she's searing them in pans and basting with butter but I'm not sure that will help because those rolls are pretty big.
The judges arrive and the restaurant looks fun, big purple banquette seat along the wall, and an open bar/kitchen area with what looks like a wood-burning grill? But the contestants aren't cooking there. It's an old church so some of the long tables have pews for seating. Not the original pews. Laurence asks Brittany if she's wrapped bao before, and she's like no show me one, and he immediately says “this one's bad, don't look at this one”. Heh. He says his mom bought a bakery, and she insisted on finding a building with a big basement, because she has a rock band and they needed the rehearsal space. Wild. That is not where I thought that story was going. Nana is starting to freak out again and run around frantically. Brandon is feeling like, contact stress from her, but he's also got to plate his own dish. He says you gotta put the mask on yourself first when the plane's going down. When the timer runs out, Nana screams again like the first challenge, because there is no chicken on any of the plates. Oof. She only has sauce because she was trying to get the chicken cooked and she didn't even take it out of the oven until there were like 30 seconds left.
The judges quickly figure out Nana didn't get done in time. She is shaking but not hyperventilating. Brandon: deconstructed lasagna, bolognese with marbled pasta and whipped ricotta. It's the meat sauce in a bowl, covered with a round of pasta that has green and blue and black blobs in it, and then he had everyone pour some bright green herbed olive oil over everything. Nana: well what everyone has is yassa onion puree, but it should also have chicken galantine stuffed with crab. She does tell them that it's done, just downstairs. Yassa is an onion sauce. They love Brandon's dish and for some reason pouring the sauce on it. One of the guest judges says he loved that the bolognese was actually red and not brown. Kristen says you can't even judge Nana's dish. Down in the kitchen as Nana is still freaking out, Brandon immediately goes to give her a hug and says “Look, the whole life lives beyond this” which is some great advice. I said this when Dawn was on the show. Some people are just not cut out for televised competition with time limits. It doesn't mean you're a bad chef. Although Dawn didn't scream when she ran out of time and force everyone else to ask if someone is hurt.
Sherry is the one with the big pork chops covered in charcoal. Jennifer: pickled shrimp bun with red eye gravy. It's a bright yellow turmeric milk bread, and a red gravy. Jennifer is holding her arm bent (with her hand up by her collarbone) and she tells the judges she hopes it's edible. Anthony: mole negro, mole rojo, and mole verde with chicken. It's concentric circles of sauces, but the green chicken is not the most appetizing color. But it's a nice looking plate. The judges like Anthony's because it tastes good as well as being nice looking. Jennifer's bun is dense. One of the guest judges says that they don't feel there are two colored items because coloring shrimp with tomato isn't enough of a “transformation”. OK but you didn't ask for “transformation” you just asked for coloring. Turns out the judges actually wanted wild shit and like, staining your mouth colors which really, you want the kind of thing you get from artificial colors. I'm not sure you can stain your mouth with carrot juice.
Laurence is very nervous because it's all in his buns and he just has to stand there watching the oven. But it turned out. Laurence: bao flight: yellow chili pork, green curry beef, and strawberry matcha. It's like a stoplight but not in the order of a stoplight which immediately pisses me off. Good colors though. Inside each bao the fillings are also colored. Brittany: pan seared scallops, broccoli and chlorophyll puree, daikon, carrot and saffron broth. It's scallops in a bright green sauce, with another sauce that's sort of yellow, and some vegetables. After they leave, Kristen immediately says there's no way this daikon was poached in chlorophyll because it's completely white. It's a perfectly good dish, but not for a color challenge. Tom complains that she should have colored the scallops. They love Laurence's dish, because apparently instead of telling the chefs “you must color at least two components of your dish” what they really wanted was “color your ingredients but not the colors they should be”. They wanted them to go outside the box but I don't feel like that's what they said when they presented the challenge. But it's 2am and I'm not going back to check.
Rhoda feels pressure even though she has immunity. She doesn't want to peak early. Justin: lamb and clams with dyed vegetables. All the vegetables are in matchsticks and piled in one big pile off to the side of the bowl. At least he's got three or four colors. Sherry: charcoal-brined pork with rainbow spaetzle, red cabbage, kumquat, and sourdough vinaigrette. There's a slice of pork and then little piles of individual ingredients, but the spaetzle has a sauce on it so the colors are muted. The strongest color is the red cabbage but that's just it's own natural color. The pork is very chewy and none of the components go together. Gail points out what I did which is that putting sauce on the spaetzle ruins the effect of the color. Lamb and clams don't go together, and the vegetables are flat. Tom is in that mode where he feels this is so easy and everyone is struggling for no reason and he's very disappointed dad about it. I'd like to see what you'd make, Tom. I don't think you were clear enough.
Jonathan: cochinita pibil, jalapeno cilantro crema, turmeric rice, hibiscus pickled onion, habanero salad, and guajillo oil. It's a green sauce, with red pork and then bright pink onions, and some edible flower petals. Sieger: vadouvan poached scallop, yellow braised daikon, braised calamari with squid ink, and onion soubise. Black and green sauces, with the daikon cut in slices and then laid out like a flower, with the scallop in the center. Jonathan's dish is great but one of the guest judges complains that maybe the rice could have been blue? OK, see, that's not what you told them to do. You just said color things. So he took the colors that things already were and pumped them up. If you didn't want that, then you should have told Kristen to tell them to color everything and be creative. He made a colorful dish and that's what you asked him to do. To bitch that it should look unnatural is just whining at this point. Sieger's dish is dramatic looking but it's murky. Tom whines that he should have dyed the scallop black, and Gail says they're overthinking. No, you all just bitched that they weren't creative enough, so please explain how you can overthink and also not think enough. Tom is grumpy but that's entirely his own fault.
Oscar is discovering his fish is not stained at all, and he's flailing. Oscar: tricolor red snapper, corn nuts, and leche de tigre. It is not particularly colorful. Rhoda: mussels in escabeche with marbled potatoes, mojo rojo, and mojo verde. I don't see a lot of green in there but there are some colors. Escabeche is similar to ceviche. Duyen: brioche-stuffed roasted chicken, preserved lemon tangine, and charcoal parsnip puree. The puree is the exact color of “the gray stuff” from “Beauty and the Beast”. Rhoda overcooked her mussels and the sauce is broken. Oscar really failed on the color and after he started flailing his knife cuts were terrible. Duyen had a good sauce but they all complain that gray is the “opposite” of color. You wanted unnatural colors, so there you fucking go. No one is making blue rice because that shit is unappetizing. It feels like the judges decided they wanted unnatural things, but then they got that and then it was gross looking. Very “you need to do this” “no not like that”.
Tom complains to the table that the last challenge was perfect and amazing and this doesn't feel like the same chefs. Well, yeah, you told them to do some stupid shit that had nothing to do with flavors and then decided you had secret requirements. This show has done a challenge based on color, or on how the plate looks visually, but then no one ate it. It was just for looking at.
Judges' Table. Tom immediately says they all fucked up, but I guess they shouldn't feel super bad because every season there's a challenge that throws everyone. More like Tom gets a bug up his ass once a season and decides everyone sucks. Jennifer is wearing a sling. Anthony, Laurence, and Brandon are the tops. Brandon wanted to make beautiful pasta, and they mention the pasta was good, almost as an afterthought, because we've decided taste was not as important to this challenge as coloring. Laurence was relieved his dough worked out. The fillings were good. That's about all they say. Anthony does a lot of moles, and mixed together they did work. The winner is Laurence. He's won immunity. He is happy to please the bao gods.
Kristen says they want to talk to...everyone else. Tom says no one did what they asked, and he's like what is the difficulty? Anyone? Fuck off, Tom, you told them to color at least two ingredients with natural dyes and they did that. He then asks people to tell him if they thought they did a great job, but no one falls for it. They do cut in like Sherry answered him, but I think she's just explaining how her dish was supposed to work. You were supposed to garnish the pork how you wanted? She cooked the pork sous vide, but it needed a sear. Tom asks if anyone else wants to reflect on what they did, and he just sounds like such an asshole right now. Jennifer basically says she's glad they got food from her. Kristen asks if anyone feels less than confident about their dish, but she manages to sound way more supportive than Tom. Nana talks about how her nerves are her downfall. Nana is eliminated. I mean, for all that they're complaining about whatever, in the end she didn't even get the two colors on the plate. Kristen literally says “the brief was two naturally dyed elements”. Not “color everything you serve us”, not “be as crazy as possible”, not “don't color anything its natural color”. Nana is upset but she does get to go to Last Chance Kitchen. Which, apparently Tom is claiming will only have one winner. So none of this someone comes back halfway through and then someone else will come back right near the end.
I was mad so I went back and rewatched the brief. They did not say to be as crazy as possible. Kristen referenced “viral pink sauce” and said bright colors were having a moment, and then Emeril said “kick the color up a notch” which I assumed was just him working his catchphrase into his lines. Not a direct instruction. Then when Tom and Emeril did their walkthrough, they told Duyen to color her parsnips, then laughed at “deconstructed lasagna”. But they could have asked more people what they were doing, instead of just looking over peoples' shoulders, and then Tom could have made an announcement about what they actually wanted instead of just whining about it later.
Next week: Tristan is here, southern food, serving Tom okra again but he deserves it.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment