90 Day Fiance--"Couples Tell All pt. 2" summary s6e13

Previously on “90 Day Fiance”: most of the reunion show was as expected, except for the part where Colt and Larissa decided to show up late. But no one minded because everyone else hates them. I am forcing myself to write this so that it can be over. Sorry it took me so long. (click for more)

Of course we have to recap all of this bullshit, and everyone walking out because Larissa can't keep her mouth shut. The weirdest part is how mad Asuelu was. I mean he was really freaking out. Ashley is the first one to bail, but then Asuelu and several others leave. Ashley gets superior about how she doesn't sink to their level, but honestly it's true. Kalani asks if the whole rest of the show is just going to be Larissa screaming at anyone who speaks up. Ashley, Kalani, Asuelu, and Fernanda end up in the green room, with Ashley saying she can't handle Larissa screaming in her ear the whole time, and Fernanda not knowing what she did. I mean, I think she gets what she did, but not why Larissa is so pissy about it. Ashley hopes Larissa hits her, because deportation. Colt is being a dick too, and now Kalani is expressing concern about Asuelu. She's only seen him that mad one time, so Kalani is worried about it. A producer asks the four of them to come back to the set, and Fernanda refuses.

Meanwhile, Jay says they've been there twelve hours, and he would just like to hear Larissa talk, and then Fernanda talk. Larissa interrupts to say that Fernanda is lying because Larissa is not playing with her fans. Eventually Larissa shuts up long enough to let Jonathan and Shaun explain that Fernanda just wanted to express that other people were concerned. Of course, Larissa thinks her fans understood her, which, maybe but your fans are also messaging other cast members about you. I'm not sure why. Colt feels Fernanda made a big thing about it. No, she just made a single comment, which Larissa could have responded to by explaining herself. Instead, Larissa's response was “stop trying to be relevant” and starting a fight. Then Larissa tries to argue that Jonathan and Fernanda are jealous of them? Because they commented? I have no idea what she's talking about. Or Jonathan has counted how many social media followers Colt has and he's mad about it? I really don't know what is happening. Anyway, Colt decides to be an ass and jump in, claiming Jonathan has dragged him into this. He won't explain how, of course, because he's too busy being his usual condescending asshole self. Also Larissa thinks Colt's shitty software engineer job, which causes him to be too broke to buy her everything, is superior to Jonathan being a real estate agent, a person who can buy Fernanda many things. I guess she thinks his house is small? Bitch you live with Colt's mom! Anyway, Larissa won't shut up enough for Colt to finish being an ass to Jonathan, so Shaun calls a break and everyone leaves. Jay is especially pissed because he feels like he's wasted his 12 hours here.

Jonathan interviews that he knows he has to be professional, but he can't handle people coming for his wife. He has been pretty professional, considering. From over here, Larissa just shouts over everyone. And everyone else seems to be on the same page, so it's not just editing. Jay interviews that as an immigrant, you should be in a “straight line”. Eric goes to Fernanda to see if she's OK, which I think is nice. Jay tells Jonathan that Larissa will never be better than Fernanda, because Fernanda is much more calm. Also pretty true. Fernanda says Larissa isn't worth it.

Shaun has to deal with Colt and Larissa all alone, and she tries, again, to explain that Fernanda wasn't trying to be insulting with her comment. Larissa hilariously claims to “respect victims” and also the cops. But if she keeps on suffering she'll be oppressed. In Larissa's mind, if you're really worried you would never make a public comment. But I think it's also possible Fernanda herself isn't that worried, but she's tired of getting comments from random fans about it. So because Fernanda made a public comment and not a private message, she can't possibly care about Larissa and it's all about how Fernanda needs attention. Never mind how if the fans are worried, a private message does jack shit to reassure them because they'll never see it. Or how about, don't attack your husband and get arrested so you'll be under less stress. Colt now has chimed in about “doofus” Jonathan because as we have seen, he's just as much of a dick. Both of them claim they would never attack anyone, except for when Larissa just did.

Everyone tells a producer that Larissa needs to fucking chill, for them to go back. Ashley and Jay say they could go out there one more time. One time. They also convince Fernanda to return. I think they're trying to be encouraging. Larissa at least controls herself for a minute. Steven encourages Jonathan to “be the real man” and say absolutely nothing, because it makes Colt and Larissa look terrible. Shaun says nothing is going to get solved tonight, so let's just move on and let Colt and Larissa talk about how Larissa got arrested. Of course Larissa can't talk about it, but we can talk about how Colt is afraid that Larissa might be deported. But apparently that's all they can say. Stupid. I mean, legal issues, but I think they can talk about this more than they are.

Now we can move away from this and bring Tasha into the party on Skype. This'll be great. Tasha says that she doesn't have a relationship with her dad any more. Eric looks uncomfortable, like he knew what she was going to say, and Leida looks bored. Tasha says that Eric “disassociated” himself, but he says he didn't. However he has told her he's not speaking to her until she apologizes. Apparently this apology is for making a mess. You mean the mess that you claim she made before Leida moved in, but Tasha says you contributed to? Jay can't believe this is over mess, but I guess in Eric's viewpoint it's about the principle of the thing and having consequences for your actions. Specifically, what she said on the previous live show where she said the mess was half Eric's fault. They're saying Tasha lied about that. I mean two of your daughters refused to come to your wedding, so there are some consequences. Tasha claims she was sleeping on the floor and trying to pack things. I'm not sure of the timeline here, though.

Montage of Leida kicking Tasha out of the house, with an assist from Eric telling her to take her shit and go. I wonder if Eric really knew how the argument went before they called him to tell Tasha to leave. I think Eric does look upset about Tasha and how upset she was when she moved out. Steven asks Eric if he knew what Leida had said about Tasha. Eric does admit that he knew, on some level. Both Ashley and Steven can't believe he would allow someone to speak to his own child that way. Eric says something about not being able to rely on Tasha for a long time. Everyone looks confused, because that's his child. She should be relying on you. There is an argument about when you are an adult, because Eric feels Tasha is an adult at 20. Fernanda pipes up that it's obvious Tasha doesn't respect Leida, though, so Tasha and Leida shout at each other about who started the name-calling first.

After the commercial, Leida claims that she would never have called anyone names if they hadn't called her names first. Kalani, of all people, points out that they're insisting Tasha is an adult, but then they're demanding she keep her room clean. Supposedly there was an agreement that Tasha would keep her room clean. Of course the other side of that agreement was that Leida would stay out of Tasha's room, which she didn't. Eric claims the door was open. No, we watched Leida open it. He also tells Tasha that she should have locked it, I guess. I mean there's footage of this too! Shaun tries to ask the general group a question, but Eric and Leida both say this is useless. Anyway the question is that no matter how upsetting Tasha is, does Leida have the right to call her obscene names? I mean technically Tasha shouldn't be calling Leida obscene names either, but sure. Colt, because if anyone here is attention-seeking it's him because he thinks he's better than everyone, says that they should have sat down and talked about this. Bitch you were losing an argument so you accused Jonathan of buying a 16 year old wife. Ashley is concerned that the word “cunt” was used, because in her mind that's an extreme insult. Asuelu tells Tasha that what goes around comes around and some day one of her kids is going to treat her like that. I doubt it, but sure. But Eric should have been the one to address the issues and step in. Leida should never been the one to kick Tasha out. She shouldn't have the authority. Eric declares he teaches his kids that if you demand someone choose between you and another person, you are in the wrong. Not “you have lost” but “you are in the wrong”. I think that's an important distinction. Tasha claims she never demanded that, it was always Leida. Eric of course disagrees, but may I remind you that like two minutes ago we watched Leida make a phone call and say “Tasha won't move out so I guess I'm going.” Tasha isn't a saint but I'd say that's demanding a choice, wouldn't you?

Montage of Eric's family reacting to his choice, where thankfully they included Eric literally saying he had to put Leida first so she didn't leave him. Tasha looks pretty pissed. Leida pretends to be upset about Eric being upset. I mean we all know she's not upset. I buy that Eric is upset he chose Leida over Tasha, that even though that's the choice he wants to make, it was emotional. I believe that. I do not believe that Leida is “sorry” about it, like she whispers to him. Tasha is upset too, because she's basically never seen Eric cry. Steven briefly channels a mature adult and tells Eric that he still has time to repair this. Steven will never forgive his mom (I forget what exactly she did but I do remember agreeing that he shouldn't be talking to her), but there's still time for this. I would love for Tasha to have responded that this clip proves that Eric chose Leida because of Leida's threats, so it's her fault. Sadly I don't think this is going to happen. Eric does want a relationship with Tasha, but he also wants everyone to get along. We all know that's not happening. Shaun demands that he tell Tasha he loves her, which he does eventually. Then he immediately ruins it with “but you have to learn these lessons”. Tasha wants him to imagine from her viewpoint. She and Leida have had several chances, too many chances. Shaun basically says she hopes they can get along, and then Tasha leaves. Stupid. I mean, nothing is happening here, but that was a waste of time.

OK now we have to talk about Colt and Larissa, and how Colt's cousin John hates Larissa. This argument is stupid. It's the same footage that showed Larissa being completely unreasonable. I don't think Larissa looks sorry enough. Of course John just attacked her for nothing, because she's not using Colt for money, because Colt isn't rich enough. But Colt also wouldn't stand up for her. Hilariously she acts like everyone thought she was demanding things from Colt like cars, which is a specific thing she demanded Colt buy. Colt's (stupid) opinion is that everyone was so upset that he wanted to stay out of it, and not add to the drama. Terribly convenient. Shaun points out that he was agreeing with his mom and cousin, and told Larissa not to give anyone a reason. So he tells Larissa that she gets emotional and that's a problem. Uh huh. Larissa of course regrets throwing the ring, I'm sure because the next day when he was researching flights to get rid of her she realized it was serious.

Oh time for Mom to be here. She immediately tells Colt to fix his shirt which is hilarious. Montage of Mom and Colt. Larissa looks embarrassed, but I'm not sure if it's because she regrets being a jerk or if she thinks it'll be a fight? Colt says Larissa was not patient enough. Larissa claims Brazilian women want to come in and cook and clean and be the queen of the house. But Larissa doesn't cook, as Jonathan mutters under his breath to remind us. Mom says she has no intention of taking Larissa's place. Fernanda pipes up, which I think is risky, to say that family is very important and she would never act like that to Jonathan's mom. That's true, even when his mom was being rude she never talked back to her. Larissa looks pissed but keeps her mouth shut. Jay is too afraid to even curse in front of his mother. I guess Larissa feels Mom doesn't respect her. Colt doesn't like to be in the middle. He acts like he's so great in admitting they all have problems. Sometimes he can't take Larissa's side. Larissa admits she should be more patient, I guess because somewhere along the way she's realized she's on the wrong side of this argument. I mean Colt is a momma's boy but you know what I mean. Currently Mom says she's planning on moving out, as soon as she finds a place. Both Colt and Larissa say they didn't know that. It's not ideal, and Colt hopes they can be a family again (you still are?). I don't think you should live with your mom? Like I would have a problem with this arrangement.

Montage of the stupid argument about how Larissa demanded Colt give him complements and stop flirting with other women. I still think he was giving her complements, and she was rude because he hadn't spent money, so he gave up. Colt thinks they just express themselves differently, and he just needs to figure out what Larissa finds “acceptable” as compliments. Larissa declares that Colt flirts too much. Then when Asuelu asks if Larissa complements Colt ever, she claims she does 24/7 and she makes him too confident. Did they cut all that out? Because I can't think of a single time I've seen her complement Colt except for when he was going to send her back to Brazil. But Colt only gives her compliments when he wants sex so it's not genuine. These people deserve each other.

Time for Natalie. I honestly was on Natalie's side, until she couldn't take the hint and leave it alone. But we do get to watch Ashley defend Jay all day. Also so this is the one person Ashley has called a cunt. Hilarious aside: Fernanda asks Jonathan what that word means, and Jonathan says it's not a word she needs to learn. Heh. Ashley claims that Natalie made up the whole thing, she never lived in Jamaica, she doesn't understand the language. Shaun does point out that Natalie did tell Ashley that Jay would cheat and told her not to do this. The whole room agrees that Natalie didn't have Ashley's best interest at heart. So here's Ashley's mental gymnastics. Natalie isn't a psychic, and she wasn't right about his cheating in Jamaica, therefore Ashley is under no obligation to listen to her or admit that she had a damn point when she warned Ashley not to marry him. Ashley claims that she's glad Natalie isn't in her life because she's too crazy. Bitch the minute you found out Jay was cheating you ran straight to Natalie's house! Don't act like you hate her and would never speak to her again.

Now we have to have a montage of everyone's weddings. Well, except for Steven's stupid ass. A very long clip of Ashley and Jay. Then they talk about canceling their wedding. Ashley reveals that the wedding they had planned cost $20,000. Both Steven and Fernanda and Jonathan say they're having two weddings. Larissa claims that she thought maybe she and John just had a misunderstanding, but now she has discovered he doesn't like her at all. How in the fuck did you think he still liked you? Come on. She claims to be grateful he came. Eric has to be reminded not all his daughters showed up.

Finally we are done with this filming. Shaun asks Asuelu to dance them out. He wants music, but of course they don't have any, so he asks for clapping instead. Heh. That was entertaining. Everyone gets to pack up and leave. Steven wishes Olga had been there, but he does seem to accept this was all his fault. Ashley doesn't know what she's going to do with Jay. She knows the smart thing would be to leave him.

So now we're going to go back to the hotel with everyone to spy on their fights? Jay tells Ashley in the car he knows they're going to fight and this is hard. Ashley blames this fight on Jay defending himself. Like, that's the only reason she's upset, is his “defending” himself. Eric says that this evening was useless. He also says Tasha is his daughter but she was disrespecting Leida. His interview is very choppy, so I would like to know what else he said that they cut out. Kalani hates hearing people yell, but she is pretty confident she and Asuelu are in a good spot. Comparatively. Fernanda and Jonathan bitch about Larissa in the car. Fernanda tells Jonathan she heard Larissa was late because she was picking out outfits. I wonder which PA spilled the beans. Jonathan also tells Fernanda he's proud she kept her cool. Colt is stupid and deserves her, she's only here for a green card. Somehow Leida is here for Eric, but fine.

Colt and Larissa get to the hotel, and Colt doesn't get why anyone cares about them. Newsflash: your wife can't shut up. I still want to know why they were so late. That had to be deliberate. They decide that Fernanda and Jonathan attacked them out of nowhere, because apparently all of Larissa's shrieking was justified. Colt does tell Larissa that “they” need to be more calm in the future. He's still an ass about it, because Colt. She just makes thing worse. Larissa says they have a lot of struggles, and her relationship is complicated. She also claims to be very afraid of the court case. Again, maybe you are both stupid and maybe don't call the cops on people randomly.

Jay tells Ashley that he knew nothing would get better today. It was always just going to be worse. In Jay's mind, divorce means throwing everything away. Ashley is still harping on his not admitting he was wrong, which is ridiculous. He's done that. You can't just keep harping on that as if he's not saying anything. Ashley doesn't think he's been trying, and he doesn't love her, blah blah. She doesn't know if she wants to be with him any more.

So now it's several weeks later, and for some reason we have to let everyone Skype in to watch behind the scenes footage and then ask them what's up. They show the shots from the car where Colt and Larissa talk about people, and just all of Larissa's posturing. Jonathan and Fernanda basically just roll their eyes, and Steven of all people points out that Larissa was claiming she wouldn't come for anyone, but she started the whole thing. Fernanda just laughs about Larissa refusing to come out until she looks hotter than anyone else. Fernanda feels bad because Larissa's shitty attitude will make her look bad. Oh, and here's Colt and Larissa watching the footage of everyone saying shit about them. Colt claims to not be interesting, and they can't imagine why Jonathan and Fernanda hate them. Larissa claims Jay has shittalked everyone else to her, so he's super fake. Also that Ashley is rude for cringing away, rather than trying to avoid the insanity. Every single person says something about them, so now Larissa says it's just because they are so popular and interesting. Uh huh. Colt judges Ashley. I think Fernanda just laughing and rolling her eyes at Larissa was the better reaction. I mean, there's way more shots of people hating on Larissa. Larissa is still claiming that Fernanda's statement that she doesn't care if Larissa and Colt are here, and another calm statement that Larissa is jealous, were “attacks” and then justified all of Larissa's interrupting and shrieking. Steven thinks maybe Fernanda shouldn't have made that accusation. When everyone leaves, Colt claims that everyone should have just apologized and calmed down. Ass. You know he doesn't include Larissa in the list of people who should apologize.

Oh also, when Steven and Asuelu had an “argument” about how Steven shouldn't have demanded Olga thank him. I mean, they disagreed and left it. No one even yelled. But of course Steven's stupid ass says that Asuelu should shut up because he's an emotional wreck and Steven handles himself better. OK first of all, hilarious, and secondly, pretty brave of you to wait to say so when Asuelu isn't there to kick your ass. Asuelu says Steven's job is to look after his wife and Olga doesn't need to thank him. Ashley felt Steven was about to come for anyone who argued with him so I guess she just decided not to say anything. Kalani feels Steven's just young, but also she gets why Olga is upset. Steven does admit that when Shaun asked if he wanted to apologize to Olga, he said “no” too quickly, and he should have apologized.

We all watch the argument about Tasha and how everyone agreed with Tasha. Also how Eric said that you're an adult at 18, period. Even if Steven thinks you aren't one until you're like 25. Ashley doesn't think this is going well. Steven of course has many opinions, so Eric responds with the “snowflake” insult, and how his generation doesn't grow up and needs a participation trophy, or whatever. Let's think about this though: Eric has kids that are the same age as Steven. Kids don't give themselves participation trophies. They got them from their parents, and that's Eric's generation. Now you wanna complain about it. Steven of course has his own issues to cause him to be extra mad at Eric. Fernanda and Jonathan agree that they don't know everything so they can see both sides. Steven just spits that Eric's kids didn't go to his wedding.

We gotta watch Jay and Ashley. Ashley is still pissed, a month later, because she still won't accept that Jay admitted he fucked up. Jonathan gave him advice, but Jay thinks because of the underwear thing, he has no space to talk. Jonathan did admit to fucking up that time, though. Ashley is just unhappy, she hasn't filed any paperwork yet. Just make a fucking decision already. Fucking STEVEN agrees with me. If you don't think you can forgive him ever, then why are you still there?

A producer asks if he can talk to Jay alone, and they ask him what he thinks he can do. Jay doesn't know. All he can do is just tell Ashley that he loves her. He can't do much else because he doesn't have a job. I wonder if he can't get a job until she files that paperwork. They show Jay an interview clip of Ashley saying she doesn't know what's up or whatever, and he doesn't deserve her. Jay says he isn't there just for a green card, but all he can do is try to make her change her mind.

Final updates: Jonathan and Fernanda have separated (this makes me sad, you guys), and Larissa got arrested again for another “incident” (I believe this one she tried to lie about Colt assaulting her but was thwarted because his fingernails were too short). Other updates are, Kalani and Asuelu have two kids now, Steven and Olga are married, Colt and Larissa have divorced, or at least have been dating several people, Jay is waiting to be deported. Ashley filed a Protection from Abuse order, which is like a restraining order, and Jay turned himself in after a violation of that. So he's in ICE custody.

Thanks for sticking around! I know I intended not to drag this out but writing about these people is very draining. But we've got a short break until “Project Runway” starts on December 5^th, just in time for the holidays and getting busy again. “Top Chef” is doing another All-Stars season, and they JUST wrapped filming like, a week or two ago. So my guess is that will start as “Project Runway” is ending.