Project Runway All Stars 2/9/12--"Fashion Face Off" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to steal clothes from random people and make outfits. It was mostly fun. Kenley sort of was annoying but nowhere near where she used to be. Mondo wins, because he has a good style. Jerell makes some crazy tacky outfit, but he manages to stick around over Anthony, who failed to follow the challenge guidelines. Now the workroom will be that much quieter. (click for more)

Mondo makes fun of Kenley by telling her he has a secret crush on her. Hee. He says while she is obnoxious and annoying he loves to push her buttons.

Angela has a double armful of bags. She labels them “weekend getaway bags”, which is kind of inaccurate because those bags are not terribly big. Michael thinks they are going out of town. No. Everyone gets a bag. Mondo actually takes a big orange bag which is very cool but not a print. Inside each bag is a luggage tag with a season on it. Austin and Kara both have spring, Michael and Jerell have winter, Mondo and Kenley get summer, and Mila and Rami end up with autumn. They are creating sportswear for a weekend getaway, based on whatever season they ended up with. And since two designers have each season, it’s…a Fashion Face-Off!! Not a team challenge! That makes me happy. There were so many team challenges last season, and this season on every other show I watch, and I am so tired of them. One member of each pair will be in the top, one in the bottom. You can tell people were expecting to work together, and now they are not so confident. $200 and one day. They splice in Angela saying they should remember who their girl is and what she’s doing and where she’s going. Also they don’t have to use the bag, which is stupid because you know everyone picked out their bag thinking they’d have to build the outfit around it. They should all use them anyway. Some of those bags are fantastic. Is this just so you don’t have to use the velvet bag and the giant buttons? Because I like them.

Everyone makes up stories about their girl and what she’s doing. Austin tries to mess with Kara’s head and insult her sketch. Actually what he does is he tries to be Kurt Hummel but he doesn’t quite get there. Kara tells him to do a full pleated pant with a baggy top and a knee-length sweater. Hee. Shopping is uninteresting as always.

Jerell starts right away on his coat. Mila has a cape. And skinny jeans. Mondo is not super confident about his pants, although I think he is not particularly worried about Kenley. Michael says his girl is going to fuck up Austin’s girl and cut all the flowers in his garden. Ha! They’re not even competing, but Austin did say his “girl” was going out to the country to check on her garden. Michael’s made a strange high-backed vest that didn’t turn out so well. He and Jerell are constantly giving each other the side-eye, trying to spy on what the other one is doing. Mondo says he doesn’t want to lose to Kenley. He thinks that last week’s outfit would be great for this week too. He thinks miniskirt, but Mila gives him a weird look and he curses. Rami has suede. Jerell tries his coat on Kenley to check the sleeve length, and he says he looked over and Michael has the same jacket. I remember everyone hating him when he was on his season, but it was all because of sewing, right? Not plagiarism? Now I don’t remember. Jerell basically calls him out and Michael denies it. They continue making passive-aggressive comments. Mila interviews that sometimes these things happen.

Joanna time! Kara and her lovely accent tell Joanna about going on “holiday” in high waisted pants, which are fashion forward and excellent, except for those of us who can’t wear them because we look stupid. Joanna yells “Aus-TIN!” to get his attention. He is talking origami and things of that nature. Mondo says his “girl” is really him going to his mom’s birthday, which is today. Kenley also has polka dots, and Mondo names her the Polka Dot Queen, while he is the Polka Dot Princess. Kenley does have blue and white polka dot shorts, but they seem kind of unflattering. Joanna labels Mila’s pants “Mila pants” because she makes the same pants all the time. Rami has a chartreuse and a royal blue. They just don’t really go together. Michael shows Joanna his coat, and she asks to see a sketch and he claims to have it “here somewhere” but never produces it. Oh, come on. We all saw you make it up. Why are you afraid to say “I don’t have a sketch because I made this up an hour ago”? Jerell is hanging on every word because he thinks Michael will incriminate himself. Michael says he played with some muslin and it “kind of came together itself”. Jerell is also doing a big coat. With leather detail. Joanna notices this, and Jerell tells her that the similarities bother him. Joanna says “gather gather gather” for a team chat and then she asks everyone else what they think about the two coats. Wow, Tim would never have done that. I don’t know if I like it. Everyone basically says they saw Jerell with the coat first, and then Michael had one. Joanna asks them if it’s wrong in a competition if you see someone with a great idea, and then you use it. Meanwhile in the background Michael still working on his outfit, while everyone else has stopped working to have this meeting. Mila says what I think is the best answer, which is that if you see someone doing something great, that should make you push yourself harder in YOUR direction. Then Joanna tells them to do their best and she leaves, having stirred up the pot.

Austin freaks out at the time left. He says American sportswear is immaculate and neat. Mondo encourages Michael to come eat dinner with him, and Michael complains that he feels accused of copying, which he was. He then says that when you’re doing well, people just want to hate on you, and that is bullshit. People are not accusing you of copying Jerell because you’re doing well, they’re accusing you of copying because they think you copied Jerell. And may I remind you that last challenge you were in the bottom two. No one ever accused Mondo of doing shit when he was doing well on his season. Mondo agrees with Michael. Jerell comes to eat, I’m sure because a producer told him to go eat right then. Mondo jokes that it’s just like dinner at his family’s house: awkward. Jerell says he doesn’t want any tension, just for Michael to put himself in Jerell’s shoes. Oh, that’s not going to happen. Jerell, you should just stop right now. Michael actually starts to demonstrate how he folded the fabric (which footage is suspiciously absent from this episode, don’t think we didn‘t notice, producers) and Jerell is like, I know how to make it, because I made it first. Michael seems to view this whole thing as insulting and a waste of time, and then Joanna had to get involved (like that’s Jerell’s fault, which it is not) and OK. Michael, you obviously came up with the coat after Jerell, it looks like Jerell’s coat, so don’t act like it’s impossible and you can’t imagine where everyone got this idea. Jerell, just drop it, because you’ll never be able to prove he copied you, and the more obnoxious you are, it just makes him look like a victim.

Mila is still working on the cape, putting leather on the seams and hems. It’s the morning of the show. Jerell bitches about Mondo helping Michael, and then Michael rolls his eyes and calls him a bitch AS IF HE DIDN’T DO THE EXACT SAME THING LAST WEEK. You saw Kenley helping Kara and you ran right to Mila to gossip about it. Don’t pretend you’re better than him. Mila is still cutting fabric and sewing a top when her model gets there. I don’t see hot makeup guy anywhere.

Guest judge this week is Cynthia Rowley. Interesting. For each season, both designs come out together. Austin: beige high-waisted pants, a pastel print top and a pink cardigan. Are those pants pleated? They’re pleated. It’s weirdly full around her hips. I don’t think it’s terribly “fashion”, but it’s cute, I guess. The cardigan has a strip of matching print along the opening, and the pants are about two inches above her ankles. Kara: wide-legged white pants, a raspberry V-neck top, and a gray cardigan. I like this one better. These pants hit the floor, and the cardigan is past her hips instead of hitting at her waist.

Kenley: a polka dotted jumper. It’s a pair of shorts, and a top with puffy sleeves like she used to always do, but they’re both in the same print so I’m not sure if they’re attached or not. The print is light blue with white polka dots. The top has a high neck with a Peter Pan collar. It looks very young, and the model has a ponytail which doesn’t help. Mondo: black and white shorts and a loose top in black and white polka dots. His girl looks much better. The shorts have a print too, kind of a stripe or a dot or something. The top looks like one piece of fabric draped over her front.

Rami: gray pants, and a royal blue coat/top. The blue has a cowl neckline, or at least there is a ton of extra fabric draped over her chest. It‘s belted, but that is still a lot of volume. Under the blue is a chartreuse top that has like, a rouched turtleneck. Mila: skinny jeans, or at least skinny Mila pants, and a red long-sleeved top. Over that is a beige cape with black leather strips along the edges. There are slits in the cape for her arms.

Jesus. When you put Michael and Jerell’s looks right next to each other, they look like they came from the same collection. I wonder if that’s why we had the change to the usual runway setup. Some producer wanted to make sure everyone saw it. Jerell: it looks like his girl has a skirt, made of gray striped wool or something, but I think that is just how long the coat is. The bottom is striped, and then it’s gray herringbone, with a big flat collar with checks. Underneath I can’t really see what is going on, because it’s all black and I have a crappy TV, but I think it’s a cardigan that laces like a corset and leggings. Michael: pants, or maybe a black skirt, and his coat is at least belted. Actually, I’m not sure he made a coat, or if that’s a big top he put a belt on. If there are two pieces, they’re made of the same fabric, so it just looks like she has a turtleneck and a matching scarf. I don’t know. There are skinny black pants, I guess. And the model’s arms seem to be solid black? So did he make a coat with arms in a different fabric? Or is this a big sleeveless vest with a big collar? Seriously, why is the top belted but not the collar?

Everyone gets to get a critique today. Spring and Summer are up first. Austin’s cardigan and pants are “almost so dorky they’re cool”, says Cynthia. They love the pants. I still think her hips look big, though. Isaac is bored and doesn’t want to hang out with this girl, and he actually says “she looks like a bore” but they’ve been using that sound bite in promos and that’s not what I thought he said. Everyone is bored. Kara’s outfit is good, but Cynthia doesn’t see anything original. Kara says when she’s packing for a getaway she’s not looking to be avant garde. Isaac tries to say the color combination is terrible, but Georgina shuts him down and says that she wouldn’t mind wearing that outfit. Kara had the higher score. Good. Kenley has paired her blue and white polka dots with orange high-heeled gladiator sandals. Sigh. Everyone likes them, and the only think anyone says is that she should have lined up the polka dots at the seams. Cynthia takes Mondo’s outfit piece by piece and says it goes in too many direction. Isaac says the “textiles” make it “junior”. But a polka dot jumper with a Peter Pan collar is not junior? WTF? The print he used this week is not as flattering. Kenley wins. Stupid.

Back in the Scrap Bin Mondo is really upset, because he designed that outfit while thinking of his mom, and the judges told him it sucked. Oh, honey, it didn’t suck. Kenley tries to make him feel better by making fun of Austin. Rami opens up the blue top, so you can see the chartreuse is cut on the diagonal. I don’t really object to his pieces, just not that color combination together. The top has suede shoulders. Isaac doesn’t like the color either, and the rouched turtleneck. Cynthia thinks the diagonal seam looks lopsided. Mila’s outfit is very Mila, and they like the cape. Mila obviously wins that one. Right away Georgina tells Jerell and Michael their looks are very similar. As Jerell talks about how he came up with his idea, Michael smirks. Jerell is like, I guess we got struck by the same inspiration! Dude, just say you made your coat and then Michael made the same coat. Don’t do that stupid “guess we’re just psychic, ha ha” bullshit. Accuse him and own up to it or shut up about it. Michael claims he didn’t see what Jerell was doing, at all, until after he was finished. Georgina likes Jerell’s “tribal” aspect, and Isaac loves the coat but hates the buttons. What I thought was lacing on the cardigan is actually big buttons. They do like most of it. Isaac tells Michael that leggings with black patent leather platform stiletto pumps are nasty. He should have used boots. Cynthia thinks Michael’s girl is older looking. Jerell wins. Too bad for Michael.

Everyone likes Kenley’s look, and of COURSE she would turn your head, Angela, because I would also stare at a grown woman in a jumper and orange sandals. Kenley always does the same thing, the judges say. Mila’s look was chic but the fabric didn’t look expensive enough. Jerell’s coat was great but Isaac still hates the buttons. It works for his mood, though. Kara’s look is perfectly OK, but they seem to think she won by default because Austin’s look was too weird. Isaac thinks his pants were the best today, but the top part was terrible. They hate on Mondo’s outfit, except Georgina at least says it’s good, just not as good as last week. Rami’s blue and green were terrible together. And the diagonal seam in the top was not attractive. Angela tells the other judges there was drama about Michael and Jerell. Isaac pipes in that Michael’s design is not his strong point, it’s his execution. It looks good, but they think he’s far less confident than Jerell, and they don’t have any sense of his point of view.

Mila and Kara are in. Jerell is the winner! He wishes Michael good luck as he leaves. He can’t resist a jab at Michael in confessional though. Kenley is in. Michael and Mondo are in. Rami is out. Oo. And I wanted him to flirt with hot makeup guy! Now how is that going to happen? Angela thanks him for being part of All-Stars, which is weird. But apparently those “gladiators” in Madonna’s half-time show? He designed that. So he’s not doing poorly. He seems totally OK with it. He says he got the exposure he needed (bicep exposure?) and he’s ready for the next thing.

Next week: Broadway! Kenley dances around. I couldn’t what was going on, but I looked it up on my DVR guide. They are going to be designing a costume for “Godspell”. Design for a show that can be set in any time and in any setting? Awesome. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 2/8/12--"Mentors" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Pee Wee Herman was there for some unknown reason. He asked everyone to make pancakes, and all of a sudden everyone remembered eating pancakes and watching “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”. Ed won that Quickfire, which he was very pleased about. Then we had an “Amazing Race”/“The Mole” challenge, which involved riding bikes around and cooking things in weird kitchens, and it just made me miss those two shows instead of making me pleased. Lunch for Pee Wee was fine, except Ed poached his chicken in beef tallow for some reason and got a weird texture, and Grayson had tomatoes with her butternut squash and Tom hated that. And Sarah didn’t season her eggs. Lindsay won somehow, which was weird because I think they showed less of Paul’s criticisms. Anyway, Grayson was sent to Last Chance Kitchen, and then they told the final four about it. Beverly and Grayson fought it out but we don’t know who won yet. (click for more)

Ed bets everyone else a pack of cigarettes that Beverly has won Last Chance Kitchen. Sarah doesn’t think so, but I’m willing to bet that’s mostly because if Beverly comes back, it proves that she’s not the total screw-up Sarah’s been insisting she is. Which would mean all that bullying was just because Sarah and Lindsay and Heather are bitches. I’m kind of tired of everyone this season except Paul and to a lesser extent Ed.

Before the Quickfire is announced by Padma and Tom, everyone lines up behind covered dishes. There is one extra, and that one is for…Beverly! Everyone looks pissed, although before this Ed had interviewed that he didn’t want anyone back at all. I’m fine with it, because I’m pretty sure she can’t beat Paul anyway. Everyone hugs her and pretends they’re not pissy. Tom flat out tells them that if she cooks like she’s been cooking in Last Chance Kitchen, they’re all screwed.

Today’s Quickfire: blindfold yourselves and pick out ingredients. Obviously you can take off the blindfold while you cook, but anything you pick up must be used in your dish. Winner gets a choice: a car or immunity. Well I would take immunity, but there’s a good chance someone will get cocky and pick the car. Car curse. Immunity also means you don’t even have to compete at all in the Elimination challenge.

30 minutes. Lots of blind flailing. Tom and Padma laugh at everyone. Sarah is making soup because she thinks she can add anything in there. She is not working to win but to beat Beverly. Someone has spilled something all over the floor. Paul tells Tom he’ll take the car if he wins because he didn’t come here to be safe. Ed has ended up with pork casings. Ha! Tom and Padma flat out laugh at him. Beverly has waited until the last minute to prep her fish.

Beverly: striped bass with avocado, lime, and jalapeno. The fish is undercooked, naturally. Paul: sautéed prawn with Thai-style tomato salad. That sounds like a real dish. Ed: “udon” with ribbons of zucchini, mushrooms, and scallions. The pork casings are not actually in the dish but he boiled them in water and then used that water for the base of the soup. Sarah: corn soup with onion, red chili, roasted mushrooms, and peaches. Lindsay: fish with bulgur wheat, mascarpone, and broccoli rabe.

Ed’s broth turned out to be really tasty. Paul didn’t cook his prawn enough, just barely. Beverly’s fish was also undercooked, and look producers, stop showing shots of Sarah or Lindsay every time the judges say anything to Beverly. WE GET IT. Lindsay did a good job. Sarah pushed peaches into her dish but it worked. It’s between Ed and Sarah, and the winner is Sarah. Woo. Beverly hugs her, though, which is nice to see. She takes the easy way out and claims immunity. Ed looks down on her for it, but I’m not surprised at that. Sarah thinks they’re looking at her differently because she’s in the final four. Yeah…that’s not why. Look, if it was me, I’m totally taking immunity. But I also know that there are going ot be other people who will think I should have earned my spot in the Elimination challenge.

So the other four chefs have to compete in the Elimination challenge. Tom says that they’ve brought some people in who have helped them get where they are. Beverly thinks that because Tom said “had a small hand” that maybe it’s her son. But no, it’s their mentors. Sarah shrieks and jumps up and down except that YOU ARE NOT COMPETING. Paul is in tears. Lindsay claims she thought “of course they would bring in their mentors” which is stupid because they’ve never done that before so don’t pretend you knew it was coming. Padma makes the contestants introduce everyone. Sarah’s mentor is Tony Mantuano. Lindsay’s mentor is Michelle Bernstein. Wonder what she thought of Lindsay screwing up Mexican food. Beverly introduces Sarah Stegner, who looks really familiar for some reason. Paul can’t get through his introduction of Tyson Cole without choking up, which on him is endearing. I mean, he can’t finish. Ed goes last, and introduces Frank Crispo. They need to make a dish to impress their mentors and exceed their expectations. Two and a half hours to prep today, and one hour to cook tomorrow. The winner will get the car that Sarah turned down. Padma reminds her she doesn’t have to compete, and Sarah celebrates as if she wasn’t listening before. Which I suppose is entirely possible.

Everyone gets hugs, and Sarah goes away. Pep talks ensue. Lindsay and Michelle really look alike. Tyson is cute. Ed tries to buy fresh oysters at Whole Foods, but there aren’t any fresh ones. He finds some smoked oysters in plastic packaging and he says they taste good. Lindsay also has trouble finding some of her ingredients. Sarah and Tony go out and have lunch and do shots.

Prep time. Ed says that if Beverly takes “his” spot he’ll be pissed off. Paul hopes his soup isn’t too simple. Ed asks for theme music, and the sound guys splice in some for him. Nice. Lindsay thinks if she does a poor job here she’ll get fired. Probably not. Lindsay can’t get her stock quite done, so she packs it with all the bones and vegetables in it to sit overnight.

They let Beverly move back into the house and she unpacks for some reason. Why? Even if you make it, you’ll be moving after this challenge. Beverly insists on making everyone tell her if they were excited to see her, and I can see why they don’t like her. I mean, she doesn’t deserve to be bullied or to have Sarah talk to her like she’s five years old, but maybe some consideration of other people. They probably were not happy to see you. I mean, Ed tells her they were all excited because they thought they were in the final four, and they cut to Beverly with her fork halfway to her mouth, looking shocked like she can’t believe it. Duh, another person to compete against is not going to be welcome no matter what.

Paul gets a phone call to his girlfriend. Can’t tell what that means anymore. Beverly is using a wok, so she has to cook everything last minute. Paul says today he is mostly working on assembly. His dish is mostly cooked, but it has 14 steps for assembly. Ed doesn’t want to psych himself out.

Beverly is up first. Gulf shrimp and BBQ pork Singapore noodles. It looks really good. Tom’s impressed with the wok cooking. Padma is asking all the mentors about the contestants, and Beverly’s mentor is strangely formal about it. But it also sounded like Beverly doesn’t talk to her much. Michelle says she just wants Lindsay to be happy, which prompts Tom to tell her it sounds like she’s breaking up with her. Heh. Lindsay: seafood “stew” over toasted couscous and broth with emulsified cream. She pours the broth into everyone’s bowls at the table. The seafood is cooked perfectly but the cream is weird. Tyson tells everyone Paul just might be better than him. Paul does the same thing with the sauce. Chilled sunchoke and dashi soup with summer vegetables. It’s great non-Asian food from Paul which they haven’t seen yet. Ed: braised pork belly and smoked oyster crema with pickled vegetables. The pickles are great, as is the meat, but Tom is not a fan of the oyster crema. Everyone comes back out so they can applaud and say goodbye.

Commercial interlude: Ed’s not a crier. He mocks everyone for crying in front of their mentors and then pretends to cry. These interludes suck now.

Sarah comes into the Stew Room, I’m not sure why unless they just wanted her to rub it in that she didn’t have to do anything. Padma has them all come in, except Sarah. So now Sarah has to sit around in the Stew Room by herself. This is why it’s stupid. No guest judges today, just Gail and Hugh. Paul says this is a lot of pressure. Tom is impressed he had the balls to serve soup, but Tom also felt that it was a dish that should have come from someone with far more experience. Very impressive. Beverly also took a huge risk cooking in a wok, because you can’t really fiddle with your dish, and cooking noodles in a wok has to be done right or they get gross. Beverly and Paul are the top two of the evening. They’re both going to the finals, but Paul gets the car. Can’t break his streak, after all. I bet Ed goes home. I’m calling it now. He’s had too much screen time today. Paul’s celebrating is done in confessional, while Beverly does hers at Judges’ Table. I’m getting kind of tired of Beverly.

Sarah wants to know what they said about Lindsay, but they don’t know. Lindsay’s dish smelled wonderful right off the bat. She added the cream because she thought it needed some fat, but then she ended up cooking the fish in butter. Then she used dried herbs, which were too overpowering. She cries, and says she would love to move on but if not, she’s OK with it. Ed’s pickles were great, but the oysters were off. He admits they were not fresh. Hugh thinks there was a great dish in there somewhere probably. Ed does not cry but also does not say he is OK if he is eliminated.

Lindsay is losing it because she doesn’t want to embarrass Michelle. Tom for some reason praises Beverly again, and I am getting the feeling the producers desperately want me to root for her, and that makes me suspicious. Both Ed and Lindsay over thought their dishes. Lindsay knew she’d made a mistake with the cream but she didn’t fix it. Ed fixated on needing oysters and it screwed him.

Ed is sent home without fanfare. Told you. He of course says he’s been knocked out by Beverly. Not true. You were knocked out by Lindsay. He’s glad he stacked up so well, and he wishes everyone luck. He’s going to use his elimination as a force to be better.

Next week: British Columbia. Biathlon. That is where you ski and then shoot at things with a rifle. Also chipping things out of ice. This is totally “The Mole”. Also somehow you must cook in a gondola. “Cook something in the gondola car before you get to the next peak” is totally an “Amazing Race” Detour option. OK that one could be a Mole challenge too. I don’t mind these crazy things in those other shows, but those other shows are not claiming to be about the food. Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 2/2/12--"Clothes Off Your Back" summary

Previously on Project Runway: make a pretty dress in a color we will give you and make it in 6 hours. That’s pretty much it. So everyone made very simple dresses that tended towards weird because, 6 hours. I thought Mondo should have won because his dress screamed “cantaloupe” even though it was a caftan. But Michael made a caftan too, only with giant sleeves and all in satin. Apparently that was better. April’s dress wasn’t that bad, I thought, but she was sent home. I guess it wasn’t made very well, but if you want well-made clothes, maybe give people a couple of days to sew. (click for more)

Also thanks v for pointing out that the host’s name is Angela. I think I missed a couple of times. Whoops.

No apartment shots today. Just Angela and Central Park. I miss when Heidi would say something random and then Tim would take everyone on a field trip. This week’s challenge is about muses. You must find a muse to inspire a “fashion-forward” look. Mila thinks the casual park attire she sees is not good enough. HOWEVER! You must convince your muse to give you the clothes off their back. Interesting. Anthony laughs because he’s taken “daggers” for daring to have a personality, and now that personality will be an advantage. True, I bet Anthony has no problem getting someone to give him clothes. They are going to get $150, which they can use to bribe people. Leftover money can be used at Mood. No rules on how much or how little has to come from your “muse”? Oh…half. Never mind. They will have two days, I thought because they were taking a bunch of time to find muses. But they only have 30 minutes.

Everyone runs around. Anthony throws some shade about how Mila suddenly has a personality. He accosts some poor woman and says he needs her top. It’s pretty cool though. Thankfully they’ve given the designers some T-shirts and whatever to give out. He says she can put on a T-shirt and then her apron and cinch her waist and be high fashion again. Hee. He even has a portable changing room. Rami gets rejected by several people, which I’m sure is a new experience for him. Michael finds Rami and Austin and they all seem to be empty-handed. Austin (in his straw boat hat) has found some artist type. It seems the best approach is to just run up to someone, gush about their style, and then insist they participate. Pushy works in this case. Kara finds a very cute boy in a bright pink shirt who is willing to strip off his shirt without the changing room. Good for you, Kara. Jerell, of all people, has a random stranger offering to strip for him and calling him “big boy”. Everyone is promising their muse that they are going to make something awesome, but how will they know? Are the muses coming to the runway? Or will they all find out right now with everyone else? Anthony runs up to a hot boy who is already shirtless and greets him with “Hi hot white guy”. I love Anthony. Said boy agrees to strip off his shorts. As Anthony shrieks in glee, others notice, so he says “Back off bitches, this one’s mine!” Oh, he is HOT. And then Anthony takes the shorts without paying the poor man, not even a dollar. Austin tries to ask for his underwear and fails, but not before he got the guy’s phone number. Anthony: “Ladies, THAT’S how you get a man!”

Jerell brags at Mood that he’s not buying fabric because “that just, kind of, putting your baby in a bear trap”. He also throws out a Wendy Williams “HowYOUdoin” which I enjoy. Most people seem to run out of money. Kara has to borrow money from people.

Mila says she has to make the jeans she has into a model size. Look, I happen to know a guy who is a size 34, and he is pretty skinny already. I don’t think you have that far to go. Maybe because I am so far from model size I am not picturing it right. Mondo says this is how he learned to sew and design, by buying thrift store clothes and resewing them. Anthony is making hot pants. Jerell thinks he’s doing something wrong but Anthony is using 50% garments from the park so he’s fine. Michael has a macramé top or something. He wants to use it but doesn’t know how. And the first day is over.

Oh, I just had a thought. Did they give them two days so that they could show up today and make them make another garment? Crap. I think Mondo is lying down with his head in Michael’s lap for some reason. Anthony is still confused. He has too many ideas. Michael feels better, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know. Jerell wants to show off his model’s body.

Joanna time! She reminds Mondo he hasn’t won anything yet, just to rub it in I guess, but he seems confident. Jerell has like, a bikini top and a weird shrug thing and a necklace and cow print…it’s a hot mess. Anthony interviews “Somebody look like they’re Coming to America.” Hee! Austin asks Joanna’s opinion of his epaulettes. Anthony still is confused. He shows Joanna his haul, mentioning many shirts are from boys and possibly he was just interested in having cute boys strip down for him. “Inspiration can come from anywhere!” Michael explains how yesterday he was so confused but today he is doing much better, thanks. Joanna says “doilies”. Oo.

Michael has a whole new top out of peach lace now. Jerell still has a hot mess but he thinks he’s going to win. Anthony has questioned his choices so much that at the moment he may not have anything. I think he might come up with some pants. Mondo is making a jacket with 22 pieces.
Day of the show. Kenley stands in the middle of the room and primps. Anthony: “Kenley is loud. If a black person says that you are loud, you are too loud.” True. Michael appears to have made granny panties. Kenley apparently finished Kara’s pants. Michael goes into the sewing room to gossip to Mila about it. They bitch about Kenley, which I totally approve of. She’s telling everyone what to do. Mondo has spiked his hair and it is not terribly flattering. Hot makeup guy! Michael wants “Sarah Jessica Parker, circa 1999 to 2002, but futuristic.”

Guest judge today is Sean Avery, who I guess is a hockey star? I don’t know. Michael: peach lace strapless top with a sweetheart neckline and granny panties in gray lace. I don’t know that you can wear it in public, but in terms of “fashion” it’s alright. Austin: black leather skirt, that is kind of full, and a cropped jacket with hardware. She does look edgy. There are striped panels in the skirt. Kara: black pants, a white sleeveless vest and a one-shouldered top in a gray and a blue. It’s hard to describe. It’s not bad. Mila: color blocked leggings in black and gray, with a black vest and a striped blue and white tank top. However I do notice it looks very close to the inspiration photograph: a girl in a tank top and leggings. Jerell: Dear God. OK. The top is a weird shrug in a bright orange with embroidery, that basically covers her shoulders. Then there is a blue and white striped bikini top. Then a very low-riding skirt, with a green and yellow belt and the rest is a rainbow. Yeah. Rami: white shorts with some blue along the hem, a black vest and a top in brown or something. It’s hard to see and his inspiration was a man in a plaid shirt so I’m not seeing it. Kenley: a Kenley dress in black and white stripes, with side panels of bright yellow and hip panels of pink plaid. Anthony: red pants with a weird hip ruffle. Like, along one side of her leg is a ruffle like an apron. And a sleeveless top slit down to the pants. Mondo: short skirt in stripes in a chevron, with yellow. And an cropped jacket with a bikini top underneath. Wait, I think it‘s hot pants? Yes.

Kenley, Mila, and Kara are safe. Rami wanted menswear inspired. The top has a big ruffle down the front that actually looks pretty good. They really like the shorts and that it’s fashionable. Michael used a top to make his “shorts”, but Georgina says if her daughter tried to wear that she wouldn’t be allowed out of the house. And the top is saggy. Jerell likes to mix things. Isaac says “Lion King costume”, but he is shown up by Sean who says “Lady Gaga and Gwen Stefani at Burning Man on acid”. Nice. There is too much going on and there is too much skin. Mondo knows the names of the people who gave him clothes. The jacket is fantastic, with a cutout, and the shorts are constructed so the patterns line up. Remember Anthony’s muse with that great print? It’s only in the bag now. However, everyone likes it. Sean says he would take a second look, and asks Isaac if he would too. Heh. Sadly the judges tell him that he didn’t meet the requirements of the challenge, as only the top and the bag are from the street. Austin’s outfit is tough but street. It all works somehow.

Rami focused on tailoring, although they don’t like the hat he put with it. The shirt is a great business shirt, and the whole thing is well made. Austin overall had a great effect and the jacket was just the right length. Mondo was modern and fresh, but it’s too stylish? Isaac says if it’s too stylish the woman can’t make it her own and then it’s hard to wear. Jerell at least had a viewpoint. But that was bad. Michael usually makes really great clothes, but this time his model didn’t even look comfortable. Anthony got lazy, because while it was a good outfit, he didn’t relate it to his muse and didn’t use enough fabric from the street.

Rami is safe. Mondo is the winner! He’s been waiting. Austin is in. Jerell is safe. Sigh. Michael had construction issues. Anthony didn’t really follow the directions. Anthony is out. Boo, now who is going to say fun things? He’s going to miss everyone but he’s glad to have been on the show again. No regrets.

Next week: fashion face off. Jerell thinks Michael is copying him. Someone looks like a whore. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 2/1/12--"Bike, Borrow, & Steal" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was almost the mise en place relay race, except that everyone was in teams of two and there were only three things. But then everyone had to cook with whatever time they had left after prep, which was interesting. Paul forgot to put the shrimp in his and Ed’s dish, so they were disqualified. Then Grayson and Chris won, which I was not expecting at all. And then one of the product placement sponsors had a food drive to have random people donate food and be on TV, instead of just donating some of THEIR OWN food, but I guess you can do that too. And I totally missed Ryan who was a previous contestant on this show. You know, he was the one who completely did not understand the concept of tailgating. So each team has to compete head-to-head, with dishes they had to pick out before they knew they had to make them healthy. Grayson decided they should make chicken salad, which is kind of boring but also not particularly healthy or what I am going to eat when it is hot out. Hers was better, though, so Chris was ousted. Oh, and Paul won, but you probably could figure that one out. (click for more)

In the Last Chance Kitchen, once Chris figured out they meant the Top Chef kitchen and not the house kitchen, Chris and Beverly had to compete on “Chopped”. Inside the baskets: marshmallows, pine nuts, parsnips, buttermilk, lamb chops, cinnamon, radicchio, and white anchovies. Beverly won, and if she can survive whoever gets ousted today, she will be back in the competition.

Grayson feels bad because she was close to Chris. Ed rolls out of bed and comes downstairs in a blazer and shirt, and boxers. Everyone laughs at him. Lindsay tells us her family wishes she had gotten a job that paid better.

The Quickfire seems to involve a table full of pancakes. She says it’s the guest judge’s favorite food. I’m not sure why Grayson thinks this means it’s Miley Cyrus, but that’s what she says. Then Pee Wee Herman rides in. He looks exactly the same. It’s impressive. They have 20 minutes to make pancakes. Exciting pancakes. Man, I thought they would have to use the pancakes on the table to make things! Wouldn’t that be an awesome challenge?
Sarah wants to win some money for her upcoming wedding. She seems to be going for confetti cake. Everyone talks about pancakes and watching “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”. The liquid nitrogen is produced, so that Paul can make champagne Dippin’ Dots. I do not like Dippin’ Dots because I don’t like chewing ice cream. Grayson is making Mickey Mouse pancakes and hopes it’s “whimsical” enough. The eye roll is implied. Sarah’s sprinkles are leaching color instead of being dots.

Grayson: ricotta buttermilk pancakes, peach compote, blackberry, and basil. Oh, Grayson. When they show the shot of the plate, you can see two blackberries and a big slice of peach. Not arranged as eyes and a mouth. You should have put more blackberries or something, because now I am seeing the face you didn’t make and I‘m disappointed. Also she kind of talks to Padma and Pee Wee like they’re small children. To be fair Pee Wee is making faces. Sarah: confetti pancakes, blackberry sauce, cocoa nibs, and vanilla whipped cream. Paul: rolled pancake with berries, black pepper, and champagne Dippin’ Dots. Lindsay: ricotta pancakes, whipped crème fraiche, marcona almond and anise cookies. Ed: pancake bits, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, bacon, and bruleed marshmallow. Pancake bits are the little edges and drips that get burnt in the pan because you are concentrating on the actual pancakes. Pee Wee tells everyone that their pancake is the best he ever had.

No one gets called out for sucking, but the winner is Ed. Good for him, it’s his first Quickfire win.
“Chefs, I’m sure you all remember the Alamo.” Hee! Now we discuss one of Pee Wee’s movies, involving the Alamo, or whatever. Everyone gets a bicycle! Tomorrow they have to make a family style lunch for everyone. They will get a map, a bike, and $100. They have to find their own food and kitchen to cook it in. And only one contestant per kitchen. Padma says “restaurant”, so I guess they can’t cook in someone’s house or anything. That would be interesting though. (Kmanpat: “This would make a great challenge on “The Mole”.) It would. At least it’s not a team challenge. “The Mole” would make it a team challenge, one team to find ingredients and one to cook. Then they’d all have to put the dishes on bikes and ride up a hill.

Everyone gets up at 5:45am. They are going to have 3 hours to do everything, I think. That means biking and cooking and transport to the Alamo. The bikes are old school and have baskets. No streamers, but they appear to have those little license plates with names on them. Ed says they are like a biker gang. Hee. Paul reveals that he used to bike to work, but one day he hit a manhole cover and faceplanted. That sucks. They find a farmer’s market somewhere, and everyone is budgeting and also planning how much they can carry. They will have to transport everything to the Alamo on the bikes, so Sarah is trying not to buy too much. Ed wants shrimp, but there aren’t any at the farmer’s market, so he is hoping that the restaurant he finds will have some. Grayson and Paul are still together, but I’m not sure why Grayson is racing him. I guess they were racing for the same restaurant? Grayson finds the right door, and Paul says it’s not cool, but RACE! Oh, sorry…wrong show. Sarah is lost. Paul does find somewhere to work. Lindsay finds a place, but then she leaves to find more ingredients. Without cooking anything? Seems risky. Ed is trying to barter or trade, but the place he finds doesn’t have shrimp. He makes do with chicken and grits. There is a weird ominous shot of Ed’s bike, not locked up or anything. Lindsay shows up to wherever Grayson is, just to try to find some ingredients.

2 hours until service, and Sarah and Lindsay seem to be riding around. Sarah finds a place, except it’s the place Lindsay already visited once. Sarah sets up, and Lindsay has to leave again because they can only have one chef at a time in any kitchen. 30 minutes later, Lindsay is still riding. Finally she finds a BBQ spot and sets up. Her beef is still frozen, so she tries to thaw it quickly. Sarah is chatting up the guys at her restaurant. Ed is planning to undercook his chicken slightly so it will cook the rest of the way. He’s at a bed and breakfast, and the owner tells him he’s got some people sitting down to breakfast and can he get two eggs over easy? Ed is flabbergasted, but he’s borrowing space so you kind of have to do it. Grayson is putting an egg yolk inside a chicken breast. Paul’s making pickles, and it’s very telling that he specifies he’s making them out of cucumbers. You know…the vegetable most people associate with pickles. Lindsay says she works best under pressure. Everyone starts packing up and getting ready to ride over to the Alamo. I think people paid for whatever food they used from the restaurant they cooked in. Grayson is terrified her yolks in her chicken will break so she’s carrying the big pan in her hand somehow as she rides her bike. Actually she’s doing a really good job balancing, except for the part where she forgot the pan would be hot and her hand is burning. There should be tootling though. Sound guys, come on.

15 minutes to reheat and plate. Gail is here, along with Tom, Padma, and Pee Wee. Lindsay says it didn’t turn out the way she wanted, but it tastes good. Paul puts too much curry sauce, so he starts adding pickles, but he feels it’s going downhill.

Sarah: summer vegetable salad with a soft boiled egg and chicken skin vinaigrette. Grayson: egg, spinach, and gorgonzola stuffed chicken breast and roasted butternut squash. Lindsay: stuffed zucchini with braised beef cheeks, rice, and goat cheese. Ed: chicken and grits, raw corn, kale salad with red eye gravy. Paul: roasted chicken, red curry gastrique, summer salad with basil blossom oil. And pickles. Sarah’s eggs were cooked very well, but it needs salt and pepper. Lindsay’s beef is good, but there is too much goat cheese and vinaigrette. Red eye gravy is delicious, but Ed’s chicken is just barely this side of cooked enough, so the texture is weird. Both Tom and Pee Wee agree, and Pee Wee says “Bet you never saw yourself saying ‘I agree with Pee Wee’ today.” Hee. The egg yolks in Grayson’s chicken did not break, leading Pee Wee to declare he has a prize. But I guess she had the chicken and squash and then like, tomatoes and salad things? Tom doesn’t like it. Paul’s curry is sweet, and the pickles did cut the sweetness the way he had hoped they would. Pee Wee points out that Paul’s plate is the emptiest out of all of them. Padma sinks to Pee Wee’s level, and then tells Pee Wee she’ll see him there after he rides his bike over. “Tom, you’re in the basket.” “That’s where he usually is.”

Commercial interlude: Ed climbs under a chair for some reason as Lindsay tries in confessional to relate cooking to Pee Wee’s Playhouse.

There are few enough people that everyone comes to Judges’ Table. Pee Wee thanks them for lunch and says it was great. Overall a good job. Ed tells everyone how he had to cook for the bed and breakfast and the judges especially find it hysterical. Paul did a delicious job as usual, although you had to eat everything together or it was too sweet. Ed explains how he poached the chicken in beef tallow, and didn’t cool it down like he normally would because of time. It ended up a little rubbery. Grayson tries to explain how she took the chicken skin off, but the “it’s healthier” explanation falls by the wayside because then there was an egg yolk and bacon and cheese. Tom says butternut squash and tomatoes don’t really go together. Sarah had a new take on egg salad but the eggs were under seasoned. Lindsay’s zucchini were like little boats but her salad was kind of lacking. The winner is Lindsay. For some reason this shows that she deserves to be there, as if being the final five is not deserving or something. Paul is also safe. Everyone leaves.

Sarah’s cooking was perfect, but it is too late in the competition to not have seasoning. Poaching chicken in beef fat was a strange way for Ed to cook chicken, and the texture turned out strange. Grayson had huge chicken breasts (I guess that’s a thing with her) and mixing butternut squash and tomatoes is like mixing a summer dish with a fall dish? Yeah, I can see that.

Will it be slightly undercooked chicken (Ed), under seasoned eggs (Sarah), or poor flavor combinations (Grayson)? Today it is Grayson. Really? You know, usually you go with the execution failure. Whatever. I didn’t think she would make it this far, actually now that I think about it. She stayed true to herself, doesn’t regret anything. You know the story. The final four are toasting themselves as Padma comes to get them again. Then they let them in on Last Chance Kitchen. Ha! They watch a little bit of the competitions and freak out.

Next week: someone comes back into the competition, and Paul cries. That’s it, they don’t show anything else.

Last Chance Kitchen: we start out with a stupid recap because Grayson is Beverly’s last friend and now they’re competing. We already know this. I don’t care anymore. Everyone hates Beverly and they bullied her and then she left and I stopped having to hear about it. Grayson thinks she’s on Punk’d, but Tom says he would not get up at 6am just to fuck with her. He actually says that. Beverly says she’s not here to have fun, like Grayson is. I think Grayson is just laughing because she’s confused. Lighten up. 30 minutes to make a dish worthy of the finale. Anything you want. Nyesha says if Beverly beat her, she’d better make it all the way. Grayson talks about what she’s making, but in confessional she is not looking at the camera. People make comments and talk to the chefs. Beverly has scaled her fish so aggressively there are scales in her hair. Dakota snipes that Beverly is making Asian again and she always makes Asian. Well she beat you with it. Beverly asks Grayson how she got eliminated, which Grayson answers with cursing. Seriously, now is not the time to ask that. Beverly takes it right up to the last second. Beverly: red snapper in coconut broth infused with lemongrass, ginger, Thai basil & cilantro with a fennel mango salad. As she’s babbling about how she decided what to make, Tom is eating. Grayson: bacon seared scallop with a gastrique of cherry and champagne grapes with pistachio and tarragon. It’s meant to be “a trail of goodness”. Beverly’s dish was a little sweet, although the fish was perfectly cooked. Grayson’s scallops were also perfectly cooked, but the butter was slightly burned. They won’t tell who made it. I guess we’ll all find out next week. Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 1/26/12--"Good Taste Tastes Good" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Muppets were involved. Everyone had to make a dress for Miss Piggy. No one had to account for the fact that Miss Piggy is essentially a plus-sized woman with no neck and a giant head. Or the fact that she is made out of foam. Instead everyone pretended she is a real person and made loud dresses, which is fine, I guess. Michael actually won, as he made a fairly creative shiny dress with interesting loops. I couldn’t find a picture of the dress being worn, so who knows. Mila didn’t match the “client”, but in the end, Gordana made a nightgown and was sent home. (click for more)

In the apartment everyone cheers Michael for winning. Kenley seems extra happy for him. Michael knows this does not guarantee he will win anything else.

Rami is wearing a tank top. A small tank top. Not small as in tight but small as in lacking fabric. Somehow this challenge is inspired by taste. Not taste like Nina and Kors are always talking about taste, but “taste itself”. You must make a “tasteful” outfit inspired by the colors/flavors of “a seriously tasty dessert”. I know that’s a lot of quotes but I feel they’re needed. And now there is a gelato cart. Do they get to eat gelato? Tasty. Everyone will get a flavor and also a fabric swatch to match colors. Mostly you can tell what the colors will be, except for “Fruits of the Forest” might be anything. Michael gets to pick first for winning and he picks grapefruit. He hopes for ruby red grapefruit but gets pale pink. But he DOES get a cone of gelato. Gelato in a cone?! Jeez. Then each person picks their color, and the next person in the line. Everyone seems pretty happy with their colors, as I think each person had a color they really wanted. The designers are different enough that they don’t seem to have overlap. Kara gets stuck with chocolate and cayenne pepper, which I must say, would be my favorite to eat but not to make an outfit with. The gelato place near me lets you mix flavors and I like to mix the chai with chocolate. Delicious.

Now Diane von Furstenburg is here! She’s cool. Michael completely freaks out. And now Andrea and Diane tell them they have six hours. Why? Six hours? First of all, it’s not like no one has ever made a dress in under six hours, because if you account for all the people who have changed course last minute, I’m sure someone has made a dress in less than that. And second, is this because someone said “Hey, we can’t have too many “make a pretty dress” challenges, let’s screw them in some way”?

People sketch and talk about impressing Diane. Except Kenley, she doesn’t want to think too big or too risky, so she can finish. Apparently we’re in such a hurry they dragged a bunch of fabric to the lounge so they don’t have to go to Mood. April can’t find the black jersey she wants, so she’s already in trouble. Mondo runs out of time and doesn’t get to buy everything he was going to.
Now there’s a stupid countdown, because of course the half hour of sketching and the half hour at “Mood” counted as part of the six hours. Now Austin is in his wife beater. Weird. Everyone is freaking out already. April references Willy Wonka, as she has blueberry. Mila doesn’t have any black. Crazy! Michael lays his fabric on the floor, and discovers he’s measured wrong so it’s about 8 inches shorter on one side. That’s not good. Kara runs around. Anthony announces to the sewing room he wishes he had a cocktail. Austin is kind of freaking out.

Joanna time! She brings everyone little cups of their gelato flavor, which is nice of her. Kara seems to have a lot of white and pink in her dress. Joanna likes it. April tells Joanna she’s sticking with what she’s comfortable with, and Joanna is not impressed, you can tell. Mondo has a great orange color, and Joanna talks to him about accessorizing. Not in a “you don’t do that well” way. Austin uses the word “blouson” in a sentence and Joanna tells him not to do bridal. She also asks Rami outright if he is sucking up to Diane with his wrap skirt. Heh. Mila must remember to be creative. Joanna asks Michael what his secret is, because he’s so fast that he is mostly done. He’s been sewing forever? I think that’s what he said.

Model fitting. Anthony says something very true: this challenge has nothing to do with being a designer, and everything to do with being a fast seamstress. Austin is hot gluing things and is ashamed. Mondo has made a caftan, but it’s pretty cool looking. April’s dress doesn’t’ fit her model, so she has to add panels, but she might not have enough fabric. Mila has a sheer fabric, so she’s had to layer it. Guess who ended up with fruits of the forest? Jerell, who is making a belt or something with fruit buttons. Fruits of the forest I guess is just berries? Different berries? Let’s go with that. Kara has taken Austin’s sewing machine, which is weird, because shouldn’t there be enough machines for everyone?

The models then come back, I guess because this is a one day episode: get the challenge, make something, runway show. All in the same day. Gratuitous shots of the accessory wall. That six hours includes hair and makeup? This is rough. Everyone likes to badmouth everyone else but I must include Jerell’s comment about Kara, and that her model looked like “a pregnant cupcake”, because that is an excellent snarky confessional quote. Austin sews his model into his dress, which I get the feeling he never does.

Isaac is back, and Diane obviously, and then model Miranda Kerr, for no reason. Oh, because she’s going to wear the winning design to an “industry event”. Whatevs. Mondo: a cantaloupe caftan with light green sleeves and a thin black belt. It does really say “cantaloupe”. Deep V in the back. Anthony: full beige skirt and a halter top in green with a bunch of folds and stuff. He had green tea. Kenley: a Kenley dress in dark pink with yellow polka dots and a yellow Peter Pan collar. It’s not terribly exciting or “passion fruit”. Rami: a sleeveless top that looks like one piece of fabric slug over her shoulders with the ends crossed at her waist. The two sides of the top are different shades of green, and there is also a shiny skirt in green. And a big black belt. It’s not that great, sadly. And there are patches of another fabric over her hips? Something. Mila: color blocking, but in red and white, with long sleeves. It’s interesting but she put the poor girl in heavy black wedges.

Jerell: super-Jerell outfit. The top has horizontal straps and a straight cut to the bodice, then it’s loose all the way down to the hem in front, and then a train in the back so it’s a mullet hem. Why is there a black strap across her shoulders? It’s weird. And two prints. Kara: white sleeveless top, and then a ton of tiers of ruffles in the skirt shading from white to pink to brown to red at the bottom. Oh, that poor model really does look pregnant. Michael: very dramatic pink caftan. This girl looks huge because while it’s belted, there is a TON of fabric in this dress. Huge sleeves, practically a train, it’s ridiculous. April: strapless dress with a full skirt that seems OK in the front, but is very short in the back. Austin: short white dress with a swath of fabric over one shoulder with flowers or something. The swath dangles down in the back. Eh.

Austin, Rami, Jerell, and Kenley are safe. Kara talks about the layers of flavor in her gelato and the dress. Georgina thinks she spoke well when she explained herself, but the dress falls short. And it’s not flattering. Isaac says the minute the word “pregnant” shows up, you know you’ve missed. Anthony used beige because he liked the way the gelato looked melting over the cone. It’s messy, and the top is very worked. The concept is good, but it needs tweaking and there are back panels that are not working. They love Mila’s look, but I wish Isaac would stop saying “ice cream”. Gelato is not ice cream. Diane says Mila’s dress looks like it was done in little time. BECAUSE IT WAS. Whatever. The lightness of the sheer fabric got weighed down by all the black accessories. Michael wanted to do something beautiful, but also something he could finish. They love the dress, but maybe not the color. Really? Crazy. What woman is wearing that thing? April has a nice color, but the top looks wonky and then of course the back of the skirt is scary. It doesn’t look finished. Of course not. Andrea says she has good ideas, but they don’t tend to come through. They make her take off the belt and say how good it looks. Of course everyone loves Mondo’s caftan, seeing as how it’s far superior to Michael’s shiny pink giant thing. Andrea complains about the color, as if he had a choice. Someone would have ended up with that bright orange. This is stupid. Did they buy some crack off Kors?

Anthony’s design had to be perfect if he was going to pull it off, and he didn’t make it perfectly. Georgina wishes he had made the skirt the same color. Kara just fumbled and wouldn’t work with brown? Or something? I am not really following this argument. Her dress is unflattering but she at least had a good explanation for it. April should have gone for more Halloween? I have no idea what these people are talking about. They love Michael’s dress, the movement and elegance, and the giant arms. But they don’t like the fabric. Mila’s dress looked easy, although her styling was heavy. Isaac says this was his favorite. Mondo gets praise from everyone but Isaac. The model says she is thinking about how if they pick Michael’s dress she’ll have to wear it without a bra and she doesn’t particularly want to. Ha.

Mila is in. Michael wins, which is bullshit. Miranda claims to be excited to wear that shiny thing. Didn’t this happen on his season, everyone thought his clothes were so great and they weren’t? Mondo is in, but he feels the judges are recognizing his talent. Anthony is in. April should have fixed her dress. Kara made a maternity dress. Kara is in. April is losing it on the runway. She’s only 22? Wow. She’s going to keep at it as she’s only 22. I was so pleased with the judging, too.

Next week: go to the park and be inspired, accost some people for clothing, Austin has a sweet Sunday church hat. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 1/25/12--"Block Party" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a conveyer belt challenge, which was fun because someone kept messing with Chris, teasing him with lobsters. Beverly had the best dish, but forgot one of her components, so Lindsay won immunity instead. Then the chefs had to make dishes for a dinner with Charlize Theron, fit for an evil queen. The quality of the food was apparently the best that this season has seen. One of the best dinners in the history of the show. There was a lot of cool stuff going on, and Chris busted out his crazy nonsense where it belongs for once. But Paul won, because he made an “enchanted forest” and then put a big bloody handprint on the plate. The bottom three didn’t make poor dishes, so it came down to nitpicking. Beverly had a couple of mistakes, but mostly she didn’t meet the theme very well, so she was sent home. I’m sure Lindsay and Sarah will brag about it. (click for more)

Then in Last Chance Kitchen Beverly and Nyesha had to make dishes based on one trip to the pantry. And then for no reason Tom came in and made them switch. I’ve seen some talk that this screwed Nyesha, and showed favoritism, but I think if Beverly didn’t have the skills she still would have screwed it up. And Nyesha could have done something. Anyway, Beverly won, which pissed off everyone, but whatever.

Grayson says she will miss Beverly, but maybe not everyone will miss her as much. Understatement. Ed throws something for some reason. I think he was making fun of Lindsay yelling at Beverly during Restaurant Wars. Lindsay defends herself (again). Then Charlize comes in, just to thank them for how spectacular the dinner was. Would have been nice if she’d done that when Beverly was still there, but OK.

The next morning Chris tells the other boys he doesn’t want to do a group challenge, no offense. For real. I’m getting tired of those. Grayson says she needs to step up.

Padma is wearing a terrible brown and white plaid dress that looks like a flannel shirt. Like, she bought a men’s flannel shirt that is long enough to cover her ass and she’s wearing it like a dress. That can’t be what it is, but that’s what it looks like. Also Emeril and Cat Cora. Did we get transported to Food Network and I didn’t notice? Oh, yes, Cat is co-hosting Bravo’s new show. So, new cooking show, “Around the World in 80 Plates”, co-host is Curtis Stone. Apparently it’s “Amazing Race” crossed with “Top Chef” somehow. It sounds like a show I made up, while combining my favorite shows. I hope it turns out to be actually good. Anyway, that’s why Cat is here. Padma “divides” them into teams of two, Grayson/Chris, Ed/Paul, and Sarah/Lindsay. I feel this is how they would have divided themselves. Now that Beverly is gone there’s no need to engineer drama, apparently. For your Quickfire, you will prepare a dish with the ingredients in front of you. In 40 minutes you must: peel, devein, and butterfly two pounds of shrimp; shuck a crate of corn; make a pound of fettuccini; AND cook something. The judges must approve your work. No immunity, but winners get $10,000. I think that’s total not each.

I feel kind of sad Tom isn’t here. He’s always here to judge the mise en place relay race. This is close enough. Everyone immediately makes pasta because the dough has to rest. OK, Padma’s dress, while not terribly attractive, I don’t think is actually a shirt. (But I just read Hugh’s blog and he thought the exact same thing: it’s a men’s flannel shirt. Hugh, you are awesome. I take back what I said before when you were competing.) Grayson talks to Emeril, and Lindsay says Grayson’s talking slows her down. Whatever, Emeril started it. Lindsay is good on shrimp. Chris is cutting the corn off the cobs, which is not shucking it, PADMA. He’s irritated that Grayson is bugging him to hurry up. Paul asks to check the corn, but he’s not cleaned the cobs enough. Chris finishes though. Grayson’s pasta is not coming out right. Sarah gets her pasta done, which means she and Lindsay are edging out Ed and Paul for first place. Sadly the girls get done first and start cooking. Ed and Paul finish with 1o minutes to cook. Grayson finally gets her pasta done, and the judges check it and approve it. Even though they’ve been talking about how her pasta is not good. Sarah and Lindsay are actually finished plating with like a minute left, and they’re tasting their dish and high-fiving each other. Ed and Paul forget to put their shrimp on the plate. Oops. Paul is upset because he says every time he and Ed are on a team together, it’s a disaster.

Grayson and Chris: fettuccini, toasted corn, oil-poached shrimp, chili, bacon, and rosemary. Sarah and Lindsay: fettuccini with corn milk, shrimp, tarragon, and parsley. Ed and Paul: Paul immediately says he forgot the shrimp, before they eat anything. Padma says the flavor’s really nice though. Grayson celebrates, which is weird. She’s gloating a lot, but I thought she liked Ed and Paul?

So, Ed and Paul can’t win. Sarah and Lindsay had a nice dish, although the tarragon was kind of overwhelming. Grayson’s pasta actually turned out well, and they managed to pull it off. And then suddenly Grayson and Chris win which I was not expecting. Sarah complains that her pasta was better, and I really hope she tried Grayson’s pasta. Although I’m sure it’s possible she’s just assuming it sucks. Sarah blames their loss on the fact that Cat doesn’t like tarragon.

Elimination Challenge: cook against your partner. I knew it was coming. Some of the product placement companies are sponsoring a community food drive. Why these companies can’t just donate some of their food, as they are FOOD COMPANIES, I don’t know. Anyway, they’re having a block party for 200 people. Are some of these 200 people the people that will benefit from the food drive? I think we know the answer to that. Each “team” will be making two different versions of the same dish, so it will be a real head-to-head battle. The diners will vote on who is up for elimination.

In an interesting twist, the pairs can decide what dish and what side they’d like to make, although they have to decide right now. So they can agree on something they’re both good at? That would be cool. Grayson says they’ll only have two hours to cook, and she is cursing the judges. Ed and Paul are like, Asian Showdown! Grayson suggests chicken salad sandwiches, which are not Chris’s favorite but he doesn’t have any other ideas. So they are making chicken salad and watermelon salad. Ed and Paul’s Asian Showdown will be Asian beef BBQ with pickled vegetables. Sarah and Lindsay are making meatballs and vegetable salads. Padma is like, oh that sounds good, but heavy. Chicken salad sounds heavy? So then there’s more healthy product placement, and you know what? Those frozen meals they keep pushing? You pay an extra dollar to get the ones that say “Top Chef”. Also all the other meals from that brand were on sale at the store today, except the official Top Chef ones. So…bite me. Everything has to be healthy. Ed is like, all Asian food is healthy, we got this. Winner gets $15,000.

In the past we’ve had “healthy” challenges before, and I think that the only one where it actually mattered if the dish was actually healthy was the first one, and that’s only because the one team added sugar to their cookies and the other team got pissed about it. I think it might have been Season 2? Anyway, Sarah wonders if Lindsay’s lamb and veal is healthier than her turkey, and it probably won’t matter in the end. Paul bought turkey, which makes Ed nervous. Really Ed thinks Paul is going to pull something out of his ass. Grayson stands at the meat counter haranguing the guys to hurry up so she can check out. Chris looks down his nose at the mayo Grayson has bought, but chicken salad without mayo is kind of gross.

Ed gives Paul some crap for being nervous and pacing all night. They will have 2.5 hours to cook, so that’s something. Chris makes mayo out of tofu. OK, that’s a good substitute for mayo. Lindsay is giving Sarah orders, I think about how to wash the mixer or something. Ed’s using kimchi and chipotles to replace ketchup. Paul has wisely picked lettuce wraps, because I think the average person will think anything is healthy when wrapped in lettuce. Ed and Paul reveal they’ve never been to a block party. I haven’t either. I mean, I understand the concept, I just have never been to one. Antisocial. With 5 minutes left, Chris is assembling his sandwiches while Grayson is still chopping things. That shot from the preview of Chris throwing a chair is because the chair is in his way, as he tries to wrap up the hot box. Not because he’s pissed at anyone in particular.

45 minutes on site. Someone did not plan well, because the site seems to be infested with bees. Grayson is going to make sandwiches to order, and Ed is making bread for 200. That might not have been the best idea. I get Grayson’s thought, though, so they don’t get soggy. Ed has decided to have people make their own sandwiches, but he was planning on open-faced sandwiches and of course he is worried about running out of bread because when faced with bread and meat, most people take two pieces of bread. Grayson has a long line but she is promising everyone it’s worth the wait. Chris is really freaking out about the bees, because he’s allergic. I’m not sure what he can do though, because it’s hot out and the back table seems to be covered in pieces of fruit and probably fruit juice.

The judges come in with bags of food that I’m sure they purchased on their own with their own money. Also, Dana Cowin is a judge today? When Emeril is also here? Why? Whatever. Paul: turkey kalbi, eggplant with white peach kimchi. Ed: open face kalbi, kimchi chipotle puree, pickled cucumber and daikon. Kalbi is Korean BBQ that is usually made with short ribs as Ed did. Paul had great flavor, but Cat says her beef from Ed is a little chewy. The bread seems to have gotten dry. Grayson: chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat buns, with arugula, pickled red onion, and feta watermelon salad with pumpkin seeds. Chris: chicken salad sandwich with tofu “mayo” and red lettuce, watermelon fruit salad with pineapple ice. Grayson’s making to order turned out well for her, but it doesn’t have a lot of flavor. Chris’s sandwich and salad tasted better, but his bread is drying out. Sarah: Calabrese style turkey meatball and vegetable salad. Calabrese style I guess means there is a southern Italian tomato sauce. Lindsay: Mediterranean meatball, lemon yogurt, black-eyed peas and quinoa Greek salad. Sarah’s meatballs are good and her salad is flavorful. Dana, however, didn’t get anything good in her salad so she’s not as thrilled. Cat thought Lindsay’s food would be heavy but it’s great and tastes wonderful. People start voting, and of course everyone is getting votes so who knows.

Commercial interlude: people curse because they believe Paul has lucky socks. There is a small discussion about which socks are luckier, and Paul reveals that he has several pairs of these socks that everyone thinks are his “lucky” socks. Heh. See, that is a good commercial interlude: something completely random that is amusing but not important to the show.

Padma calls Grayson, Paul, and Lindsay. These are the winners. Nice. Paul’s peach kimchi was fantastic. They praise Grayson for making her sandwiches to order, and then Tom is like, did you think you would win with a chicken salad sandwich? She thought it was possible, but obviously not, if Tom is asking her this question. Tom thinks it’s boring. He says that she’s up against dishes that are potentially more interesting than hers, and Grayson says, “Like a MEATBALL?!” Burn. She insists she was going to do an elevated chicken salad sandwich, but she obviously feels that meatballs are boring too. Tom just smiles and nods. Lindsay had perfect seasoning and the yogurt was great. Paul wins, of course, because he wins all the time. And he has his lucky socks on. Grayson looks pissed, but even if you think chicken salad is more interesting than meatballs, I’m not sure you can make the same argument about Korean barbeque.

The minute everyone is gone, Grayson says she feels “brutalized” and that she has noted that the judges want to do more. No mention of how she told the judges Lindsay’s dish was lame. Ed thinks using bread would be better than rice’s “empty calories”, but Padma tells him bread is also empty calories. Not true. Plus the rest of the dish was not perfect. He trimmed his short ribs, so they’d be healthy, but then the fat was the best part of the short ribs. Chris talks about how his dish was healthier than Grayson’s, and Tom agrees with him on that, but because he made the sandwiches the day before all the bread dried out. Sarah tried to be healthier, but she used cheese for some reason. Plus she didn’t give Dana all the different vegetables.

Chris says he doesn’t want to go home, only he curses every other word. Ed points out that every time Chris thinks he’s going home, someone else goes home. Obviously, or Chris wouldn’t still be there. None of the dishes were lost causes. Sarah’s meatball was very good, just not as good as Lindsay’s. Chris really went healthy for his dish, but everything was dry and bland. Tom doesn’t think he can execute. Ed’s short ribs were dry and they seem irritated about his making bread instead of using rice? I think they feel their intelligence was insulted.

Tom reminds everyone about what he just talked about, and tells them the details have really started to matter with only 6 people left. Chris is sent home. He’ll miss being here. Grayson decides it’s her fault because she suggested chicken salad. Probably not, but way to make it about yourself. Chris is glad to go home to Moto and tells the chefs left not to let Paul win a record-setting amount of money.

Next week: Pee Wee Herman. Heads are hung in shame and/or embarrassment. And then…everyone gets bikes and has to find ingredients? There is following? Pee Wee seems to be fairly entertaining.

Last Chance Kitchen: Chris stands around in the house kitchen, claiming to not have understood “kitchen” meant “Top Chef kitchen”. He talks to the honey bear, which hilariously has angry eyebrows drawn in with a marker. Hee. Chris says Beverly is a nice person but not particularly intimidating. Chris goes to the right kitchen, where the peanut gallery greets him. There are several long glances and declarations of feeling between Chris and Richie. Tom lets us in on an important detail: next week’s winner will be re-entering the competition. Huh. So, they’ll get down to the final four and then put them back in. The challenge: use everything in the mystery box. And in all the mystery boxes we decide to throw at you, whenever we decide to throw them at you. So it’s like Chopped. Or MasterChef. 30 minutes. The first box contains marshmallows, pine nuts, parsnips, buttermilk, lamb chops, and something that Chris describes but I have absolutely no idea what he says. Ah, the camera guy shows me it is cinnamon. Beverly refuses to play the “explain things to the peanut gallery” game. See, this is why they don’t like you. I’m not saying they weren’t bitches, but…it’s not like the producers didn’t force them to ask you. Dakota appears with a box of radicchio. Ty-Lor suddenly shouts “It’s Mom vs. Dad, let’s see who’s the better parent”. That was hilarious for some reason. Heather brings out white anchovies. Yum. Chris is frying them, I think. Richie tells Chris they cook with marshmallows all the time, which earns him the bird. Beverly: grilled lamb chop with parsnips, curry, radicchio and white anchovy vinaigrette. I think the marshmallows are in the sauce? Tom never asks. Chris: grilled lamb chop with a sweet puree, radicchio salad with pancetta, pine nuts, and apple. Beverly’s dish was nicely put together, not too sweet. Chris did the same thing. Well cooked lamb and good combinations. One didn’t quite hit the mark well, and that was Chris. Beverly’s celebration is much more subdued today. Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 1/19/12--"Patterning for Piggy" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make ball gowns for a night at the opera. Austin wisely pointed out that an opera gown is not the same thing as a red carpet gown. He was the favorite, and he ended up winning, naturally. His dress was actually very good. Michael managed to make a dramatic gown but did not win. Sweet P made a weird empire waist gown that I saw compared to a traditional Korean gown but the print was ugly and the top looked like a swimsuit so she went home. (click for more)

Andrea tells everyone they must create “a flamboyant cocktail dress” for a celebrity, blah blah, we already know who it is because you spoiled it last week. Also having a flat screen with Miss Piggy on it is weak sauce. I demand scrim shadows. Everyone laughs without thinking about the logistics of this. Anthony says “I’m going to get to design a dress for a Muppet” and I can’t tell if he’s thrilled or irritated. The winner will have the dress modified “for Miss Piggy’s figure”. I mean, obviously they will have to make a smaller version. But do they have to design for a plus sized person? Also she will be there to judge. Why couldn’t she be there now then? They have the rest of the day.

Sketching begins, and for some reason I’m irritated they are pretending this is a serious challenge. Mila is going “classic”. At least some people discuss their kids/nieces/nephews being thrilled. Austin is going with a “pink bow concept”. Gordana is also going pink and is noticing others are going black. Seriously, you need to make up some crazy shit for this.

Gordana thinks everyone is going for structure, but she is staying true to herself and going for youthful and “the family side”. Whatever that means. Everyone seems very serious. Rami is picking out accessories for some reason, now, and Mondo claims the pink satin gloves from his workstation. He and Kara fight about it. Well, Mondo shouts “I want the pink gloves, don’t take them” and Kara says “can I take the pink gloves” and Mondo says “whatever, I don’t want to fight about it, take the damn gloves”.

I don’t know why this challenge is irritating me. I mean, obviously there is a person or persons who are responsible for Miss Piggy’s “style”. I don’t know. Rami has polka dots. Anthony talks about being a lady. April is focused so she won’t be in the bottom two anymore. I am sure you will be shocked to know Kenly is doing retro. Mila interviews that SOME people are DESPERATE for other people’s approval, but SHE is not like that.

Joanna time! OK…that doesn’t sound half bad. Gordana has a short dress but the top is floaty and has ruffles or rosettes along the neckline. Joanna is feeling nightgown which is bad. Gordana is going for comfort, and Joanna basically says that celebrities will do anything, up to and including a saran wrap corset, to look good. Comfort is not important here. Mila is making a headband, and Joanna reminds her she is designing for a pig and ears are involved. See this is what I’m talking about. YOU ARE DESIGNING FOR A MUPPET. I think Kenley has pink cow print and a turquoise shawl thing. Austin feels a kindred spirit with Miss Piggy, with the random French phrases and the fashion. True. He is making a giant ass bow. I bet it won’t matter. Who else are you going to make a giant ass bow for? Mondo has a fabulous print, as he usually does, and is going 60’s. Joanna tells him to keep focused.

Models show up with one hour left. Mila’s fitting a muslin sleeve, but the rest of the dress is off and this is not good. Gordana’s dress is very loose and shapeless, but maybe she’ll make it work. Mondo doesn’t like the way his dress is going, but he’s almost out of time. Kenley is still yelling to Kara about her top. Mila thinks they are co-dependent. Yeah, maybe they are. But I think it’s early enough it might be OK. Also what do you care?

Apartment time seems to be slap-happy. Anthony quotes Oprah. Actually they all seem to be getting along which is a nice thing to see.

The day of the show, everyone is frantically working. Some things never change. Anthony says he was going to eat some bacon this morning but felt conflicted. Hee. Austin is horrified and says Anthony had better not admit to it on the runway. 2 hours for hair and makeup. Kara apparently stacked up accessories somewhere and didn’t label them. I’m not sure how that happened, but Austin has them now. He gives them back with a huge sigh and says this is the second time she’s stolen his accessories. Kenley thinks she will win. They let Austin quote the Muppet Show opening.

Isaac isn’t here, but Eric Daman is here. He designs for Gossip Girl. And Miss Piggy. Michael: a very short sheath dress, strapless, with big stiff loops down one side. And giant loops on her head. It’s shiny. Exposed zipper GAH. April: short flouncy black dress with an inverted skirt (like a big peplum and then it gets narrower). The top has a deep V with an inset panel in a contrasting print. Feathers along the armholes. It’s cute. Jerell: short pink dress with a mullet hem and a ruffle on the hem. The top has illusion netting and jewels and fuzzy shoulders. But it doesn’t fit right, it’s all baggy around her waist. Kara: short tight black dress with a cutout. Like, it’s a bikini top and then a high-waisted skirt with hot pink piping on the seams. The hot pink gloves…I guess they go. Eh. Kenley: a full circle skirt and a strapless top, with a weird deep cleft in the middle. As though she has ears on her boobs. It’s a pink giraffe print and there are petticoats and a white belt and a giant huge piece of netting on her head. Thank God she got rid of the turquoise shawl. The skirt is good but I hate the top. Anthony: black dress with a boat neck and no sleeves, and a mullet hem. The top is sheer over her shoulders, and there is a bunch of flowers or something going on on her chest but it’s all dark so I can’t tell what it is. The sheer has stripes in it.

Rami: a short flamenco dress in pink polka dots. There’s a ruffle along her shoulders and the neckline, and a flower, and then it’s fitted until just above her knees where there’s another ruffle. It really does look like a flamenco dress, just not floor length. You know what this would have been good for? A Barbie challenge. Mila: short black and white mod dress. She’s back to the color blocking, but all in black and white, with stripes on the sleeves and random white rectangles. Blah. Gordana: short dusty rose dress with a lot of rosettes along the neckline and shoulders. There is a slight mullet hem, and the hem is sewn strangely so it sits weird. It’s pretty shapeless. Austin: very fitted sheath dress, in gray with a dark pink panel down the front. There are big bows over each hip, and the bodice is gray with pink bra cups. I would not have though it was Austin’s dress, and it certainly doesn’t looks like anyone else’s. Mondo: very shiny pink dress, with a miniskirt and a high crew neck and little cap sleeves. I think there are two tiers to the skirt? As if she wore a tunic over a miniskirt.

Austin for some reason is dressed like a male flamenco dancer, with the wide flat hat and ruffled shirt and thin bow at the neck and jacket. Austin, Rami, Gordana, Kenley, Mila, and Michael are the top and bottom. Austin’s dress is well made, but his pink is too dark. It’s not happy. Eric starts talking about how on a real woman, hip bows are a bad thing, but seriously this man is wearing his shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest and then a necktie tied normally inside the shirt. I cannot take anything he says seriously. Miss Piggy asks if you could hula hoop in the dress. Sigh. Rami wanted a festive print and something that would move a lot. Angela wonders if the “average” woman could wear this dress successfully, but Georgina likes that he went for it. Eric makes a dumb comment about “Parisian hog couture”. Shut up. Miss Piggy loves it, although it is garish and outlandish. Gordana wanted to bring happiness, but this dress might be too understated. It’s a nice dress, but maybe not for Miss Piggy. Michael kisses everyone’s ass but Georgina likes his dress and the exposed zipper. Sigh. But it’s very dark, and maybe he could use some pink accessories. Miss Piggy thinks it looks like a present. Mila’s dress really needs some color. It’s graphic, but this was a challenge where she pretty much was required to use color. Kenley wanted her dress to say “This movie is fun, I’m in it….I’m fabulous…” Yeah. The color is great, but the top causes concern. Kenley says it has boning and then reveals that it is upholstery fabric. Who wants to wear upholstery fabric? Georgina says it looks like she’s about to fall out of it. There is a stupid conversation between Miss Piggy and shirtless loser about her ears and hats.

Austin’s dress was flamboyant but not classy. Plus shiny satin is not flattering. I am noticing that in the shots of all four judges, Miss Piggy is not moving at all. The only shots of her moving and talking are solitary shots. Mila’s dress is retro but Goth which is not Miss Piggy. Georgina thinks she made something from a collection of hers but she didn’t meet the challenge. They didn’t like Gordana’s shade of pink. Kenley’s bust construction looks like it will fall down any second. Rami’s dress is fun and attention-getting, which is not a bad thing here. Oh, now she’s moving in the full shot. He made a dress that probably would not work for any other challenge. Michael let himself down in the styling, although his dress was great. And he made a top hat, which is weird. Eric makes a dumb comment and gets smacked. The girls laugh, because the man just got shown by a Muppet.

Kenley is safe. Miss Piggy makes a big deal about the dramatic pause, and then declares Michael the winner. Eh. He’s super thrilled though. Rami is in. Austin is in. Gordana’s dress didn’t stand out enough. Mila’s dress didn’t fit the client. Mila is safe. Gordana is looking forward to going back home and being more creative. She says she would love to tell everyone it’s never too late to follow your own dreams.

Next week: Diane von Furstenberg! They have 6 hours to make something. I guess just any dress? The time is the important thing. Well some of them have made dresses in less time, I’m sure. You know, when people freak out and start over at the end of a challenge. They should have no problem. Clicky clicky