Project Runway 9/7/11--"Can't We All Just Get Along?" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the designers got to work alone, for once, to make “avant-garde” clothes. These outfits were based on student artwork, which was actually a cool touch. As always happens on this show, there is disagreement about what is “avant-garde” and what is just weird. Anthony Ryan won, which is nice for him, even if his dress was kind of literal and not perfectly made. Josh C., instead of using his werewolf painting to make a wolf costume, went too far the other way and was boring. He went home, for the second time. Also, do you know when the finale collections are being presented? TOMORROW. That’s right, this is the last episode before the Fashion Week show. I would gladly deal with Andy Cohen, and you all know how much I hate him, if it meant that the producers could go back to planning properly so that you don’t have a million decoys. It’s not hard. (click for more)

Anthony Ryan has immunity, but he still wants to win. Anya points out that she’s never been in the bottom, but hasn’t won either. Josh is still pissy that he didn’t win last week for making a painted rubber skirt and a fluffy top. Whatever. Button your shirt. You know his behavior is heinous when I tell a cute boy to button his shirt.

Heidi says they’ll be working in two teams of five. I am SO SICK of team challenges. She also pretends there will not be team leaders, but then Anthony Ryan gets to pick out his first teammate. He picks Anya. Heidi randomly picks Josh from the velvet bag, and he immediately asks if that means he gets to be the leader. Listen to the teacher when she is talking. Kimberly interviews that Josh has been bullying people he thinks he can bully. He picks out Laura. So then the second people (Anya and Laura) get to pick out the next members of the team, and so on. The first team is Anthony Ryan, Anya, Viktor, Olivier, and Bryce. Second team is Josh, Laura, Kimberly (who sighs in confessional that she doesn’t want to deal with “attitudes”), Becky (oh, Kimberly, that was mean), and Bert. Oh, of course, Josh and Bert have to deal with each other. Anthony Ryan is thrilled with his team. No one on Josh’s team will admit to being happy.

Tim makes everyone gather ‘round to tell them that this is the textile challenge. You know, where you make your own print. Why does this involve teams? Each team has to make a 5 piece collection, and a “fashion show” which apparently means they have to have a video to play in the background and also music. They get two days. Tim says something weird: “At least three looks must contain the textile designs, and they must be prominent.” Wouldn’t everyone get their own print? And use their own print in their outfit? Then randomly Betsy Johnson is there to “help” them use the computer program. She says a bunch of stuff about her inspirations, and then they watch a video of her latest show, and then she tries to impress on them that they have to work together, but we know it’s not happening.

OK, I have to pause for a rant here. I love the “make your own textile” challenge. There’s usually something fun, and there’s always something crazy ugly. Remember Mondo’s print and how it was awesome and perfectly Mondo? Making it a team challenge is bullshit. There is absolutely no reason for it, except that apparently the producers’ new motto is “drama at all costs”. They’ve put in as many team and pair challenges as they could, just to make sure people fight and are assholes. We’re not going to get the same prints out of people, because now they all have to agree on prints that go together so they can make a collection. So you’re limited on what you can do. You are limiting people’s creativity in the interest of creating drama. If I just wanted to watch drama I’d be watching “Big Brother”.

OK, so anyway, 30 minutes to “discuss” as a group. Josh just suggested “5 female versions of the Village People”. Are you serious? Laura complains that her team has two people (Becky and Bert) who are not creative, and Josh who can “snap in a minute”. Becky is depressed they can’t come up with anything. Of course the other team is getting along. Becky tries to get a vote going, and Josh votes for clocks? Who knows. Laura argues for black and white, and Becky asks about a splash of color. Josh says they all have to make a print, so “put all the goddamn color you want on it.” Oh, so you can’t be in charge so your panties are in a wad? Why are you voting for clocks? He interviews that in a couple of weeks he’s going to make his own collection and if he was leading, it would be his vision. Duh.

People design their prints. Anthony Ryan’s team has called themselves Team Chaos, while Team Dysfunction’s official name is Team Nuts and Bolts. Becky and Bert are going literal, with gears and clocks. Bryce feels that the rest of his team is micromanaging him because he’s the only one who hasn’t won yet. It looks like everyone on Team N&B made a bunch of prints, then they lined them all up and now they’re voting on which prints end up in the collection. See what I mean? Someone’s getting shafted into not having their own print made, which is cool even for people who make something crazy and are doomed. Bert can’t get his to print, so his team just picks things without him. He curses about it, and Josh says people with dirty mouths aren’t intelligent. This is said while he is wearing a shirt that is completely open down the front, and also after he’s already been bleeped once in this episode himself. Josh then decides he needs to “deal” with Bert by asking if this is the attitude everyone is talking about it and saying “I WILL. Not have it”. He then refuses to let Bert explain and tells him to back up. Oh, like Bert is going to kick your ass. Bert explains himself, and then Josh is like “Put a clock in it! I want a yard of clocks!” Everyone rolls their eyes, except Becky is like “good, it’s not me this time”. Bert, trying to be nice like he said he was going to do last time, says he likes what they have, but Josh says to put Bert’s print in because he won’t listen to Bert complaining for two days. I mean…I guess Bert has that history of acting like that. But Josh isn’t team leader. Whatever, I’m tired of this. Josh pretends he’s going to quit because he doesn’t like Bert’s attitude. Please. Josh pretends to be upset with himself for being upset, and Becky blames the stress of his mom’s death. The teams talk video, because some people are going to shoot the video and some are going to Mood.

Bryce and Viktor go off together, to shoot video of Times Square and that chaos. Josh and Laura are shooting the video, which I think Laura thought was a fantastic idea. But their video is about a girl who wears great shoes? Aren’t all their prints about clocks and time? And not shoes? I don’t know. Josh puts on some of the shoes for some reason. Laura finally tells him they need some clocks.

Back in the workroom, the teams edit their videos. Anya has a great idea to take their footage and mirror it to make it more abstract. They work for a while, but it’s not terribly exciting because they don’t have the prints yet, and then Josh demands everyone’s attention, “especially Bert”. He says he wants to apologize for his “insanity” this morning. He says in confessional that it wasn’t fair “to the others in the competition” and that there was a black cloud “over my team. [beat] OUR team.” Specifically he apologizes to the other members of his team, and Bert, so there’s that. Bert knows what’s up, though, because he knows Josh could have come to him personally, without making a grandstanding announcement to everyone. But at the same time, he did apologize.

In the morning everyone gets their fabric. No one has any color. Seriously. All the prints are black and white. WTF is that? Kimberly says her team is really Nuts and Bolts: Josh and Bert are Nuts, Becky is a borderline Nut, and Kimberly and Laura are the Bolts that keep it together. Heh. Team Chaos is working outside the box, with people making things they don’t always make. Anthony Ryan seems to be making ink blot patterns with paint? He knows it might turn out like a cow. Kimberly is not using any of the prints in her outfit because she doesn’t like any of them, and she doesn’t have to. Laura asks Anya to come eat with her, so she can gossip about how Becky sucks. Becky actually comes in to where they’re eating, and Laura says, “Hey Becky, I think such a plain skirt with numbers reads ‘math teacher’”. Laura, have the balls to look her in the eye when you tell her she sucks. Anya tries to make a suggestion, but Becky knows Laura is already trying to throw her under the bus, or she wouldn’t be talking about it to Anya instead of coming to Becky. Becky stands up for herself and says that Josh blew the team up so they have to put it back together now. Anya quickly leaves.

Tim time! Team Chaos seems to have it together. It’s cohesive and Tim can tell they all get along. Laura has a jumpsuit? In royal blue. Tim is troubled, and Laura pretty much blames it on the rest of the team’s storyline. Tim is troubled by everything. But I will say that Tim doesn’t like the scale of the number print, and I believe that is all Laura. Seriously, we spend at least twice as much time on Team Dysfunction. Josh has designed a jacket and failed to come up with anything to put under the jacket. Tim asks them where their client is going, and Josh has the balls to say “I really don’t like this idea that things have to be going somewhere.” That is Josh for “I have no idea”. Tim informs them they need to let their egos go, because this is not a collection and they are failing. He makes them join hands in a circle and promise to communicate and be honest with each other. That is hilarious.

Josh’s bad critique has upset him so much, all he can do is sit there and be upset. It actually puts him in tears in confessional. Also it makes him freak out about missing his family and how he hopes one day it will be worth it. He calls his dad, which is cute. I’m sorry but you can’t edit him to be a giant asshole and then throw in that he couldn’t go home to see his dying mother one last time. You have to pick one. Because I still view him as an asshole but now I feel bad because I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. You can’t make him the villain and then be so heavy handed about trying to redeem him.

Model fitting. Josh claims to not be that person who is an asshat to people. He praises Bert’s outfit. Fitting seems to go well, and everyone finishes working. Becky says they’re all working together, and things should continue to go well if Josh can control himself. Olivier is taking a long time to finish things, which frustrates Anthony Ryan. Back at the apartments after the day is over, Laura says that Tim’s holding-hands moment was really awesome and now they’re all together. Kimberly and Becky do not look convinced.

In the morning, Laura thinks they’re all supporting each other. Olivier is still not done. Tim gives them 2 hours to finish. Hot makeup guy gets to talk and give suggestions. The crimping iron is used.

Guest judge is…actually there are two. Why are there two guest judges, plus Kors, Nina, and Heidi? Who knows. Rachel Roy and Rose Bryne. Team Nuts and Bolts is up first. Josh: pants in his “graffiti print” which is just a bunch of words written down, a royal blue tank, and a jacket. The jacket is cool, it’s half white and half black, and the two sides meet in kind of a geometric zig zag. The back doesn’t seem sewn up though. Becky: short skirt in the graffiti print, a chartreuse top, and a cropped bolero jacket. The jacket has slits at the elbows. Bert: one shouldered dress that hits below the knee. It looks pretty good, although I’m not sold on the booties. The top has a thin keyhole made by a zipper. Kimberly: a very short skirt with weird jodhpur poofyness at the hips and a chartreuse top with an open back and some thin chains. Laura: royal blue jumpsuit with the graffiti print in a belt. I just don’t like jumpsuits, although this one is OK I guess. It does look like it could be one collection.

Team Chaos. Anya: a short dress with cap sleeves and a boat neck top. The cap sleeves are black, and the print is pretty abstract. It’s almost like snakeskin, and when you get close up, there is more than one print there. The back has a narrow opening to her waist. Bryce: red T-shirt with a low-cut back and shorts in one of the prints. All their prints look very, very similar. They’re all black and white abstract designs. Anthony Ryan: full bell-shaped skirt in white with black squares on one corner, and a sleeveless button down top with a red bow at the neck. Olivier: a fitted jacket with leather lapels and no shirt underneath, and a peplum. It’s awesome. The pants are mostly OK, but cropped for some reason. My guess is no one is looking at the pants. Viktor: long skirt with high slits, in black, and a white bodice with that illusion netting covering her back and along her collarbone. The white has an inkblot design on it.
Heidi tells Team Chaos they have won. Like anyone thought they would lose. Team N&B has to leave, where they all sit around until Laura feels the need to make everyone talk about their feelings on their team. Kimberly pokes Josh, like, don’t do that. Becky says she thinks he wants her and Bert to go home so he can have fun with everyone else. This is true, of course, so Josh has to get bitchy and say this isn’t about “fun”, this is about “creating a product that people want”. He then says he knows what he wants to deliver to someone, and she doesn’t, so that’s why she should not be there. Well that was rude, but why didn’t you just let him sulk? Seriously.

Team Chaos talks about chaos but also that they didn’t want anything to look overdone. Heidi loves everything. Olivier’s jacket is fantastic. Kors says it’s one of the best tailored pieces they’ve ever seen. Viktor’s gown is chic, but Bryce’s shorts and shirt don’t go. Rose would wear everything. They like the little pops of color. Nina’s only criticism is that she wants more polished makeup and hair. Heidi asks who should win, but no one wants to say “Me, I should win” and no one wants to give the win to someone else. Heidi makes all of them say who should win, and as Olivier is brave enough to say “me, I should win” they all do the same. Except Bryce, who says Anya. Well his outfit seemed to be the only one to get criticism, so he must know he’s not winning.

Team Nuts and Bolts. Heidi says the collection is too busy. Kors complains that the prints are too literal. No one is wearing a clock, Kors. Rachel gets superior and says they should have thought of memories and their children, instead of writing “cancelled” and “delayed” and whatever. Plus the stupid “let’s make a video of a girl with fun shoes” does not go over well. Kors does say that overall, they have a more cohesive look to their models. Nina says there are missed opportunities here. She asks if everyone was happy, and Becky volunteers that they had a third print, the numbers print, but no one liked it. Kors calls Laura out on avoiding the prints, and she says she made the belt, and Kors says “So you didn’t have to have a belt that’s ugly”. Ouch. He also thinks Kimberly’s lack of any print is her way to save herself. She denies it, but we know that’s what she was thinking. “Not a lot of women want to have “cancelled” on their crotch”. Heh. Becky laughs, embarrassed, because it’s her skirt, and that is funny, but Josh is stonefaced. Sadly without the print her outfit is boring. They love that Bert’s dress is well-cut, but the length is bad. Heidi asks how they worked together, and Bert says they had a fight but Josh did apologize. Heidi calls Josh out on being an asshat, and fighting with Becky last time. Josh tries to pretend he has no idea what happened. Who should go home? Becky throws Josh under the bus. Nina points out that Josh wasn’t the leader, so they should all have spoken up. Bert says when that happened Josh left the room, and when he came back they just said whatever and moved on. Josh defends himself by saying that he has three pieces that are impeccable and that he “basically led the detailing” and that if the show is about design, then he did his part. Nina just says that all the prints are horrible. Bert agrees that Josh should go home, Laura says Bert because of some comments, I don’t understand what she says. Josh throws Becky under the bus because he doesn’t see any design in the outfit. Becky speaks up and says she made the skirt three times, and the top twice, and people just said it “didn’t look right” and wouldn’t give her feedback. Josh says she has no foundation and could have pushed her design. Kimberly says Becky has a simpler style but that is just a difference in aesthetics maybe.

Kors loved Olivier’s jacket, as did Rachel. Viktor’s dress was interesting but wearable. Anya has a great eye for prints. And everyone got along. Kors is bored by Becky, and Nina says there is no design there. Josh’s outfit had a lot going on, and Heidi mentions taste level. Nina gets indignant and says that it’s a print challenge, and his print was the most horrible. Kors knows he’s a bully. Bert also has an attitude problem, but his dress would probably be OK if it wasn’t in that print.

Anya wins. Huh? She beat out Olivier’s jacket? Stupid. I’m pretty much done. Laura is in. Kimberly is in. Bert is in. Oh, like they’d get rid of Josh before Becky. That means that little asshat has a collection to show tomorrow. Dammit. Becky doesn’t think she should go home, and thinks maybe she’s too commercial. She knows that there will always be someone better than her. She wishes everyone the best. Aww. She says she needs a vacation. Hee.

Next time: you will design for women using the suggestions of the husband/boyfriend of said woman. Interesting. Tim and Olivier have no personal experience with bra sizes. Obviously. Clicky clicky

Top Chef: Just Desserts 9/7/11--"Villa Rosa" summary

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: everyone had to make lemon desserts, which sounded delicious, and Matthew won. Orlando continued to try to convince us of how awesome he is. Then there was another team challenge where everyone had to make a fancy cake for the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Hopefully today they will do a non-showpiece challenge. Everyone was responsible for a layer of their cake. No one had very pretty cakes, but the Red team won as they had good flavors. Vanarin was sent home because his cake didn’t taste like anything. Oh, and Rebecca broke her wrist but splinted it and kept on going. (click for more)

The Quickfire looks like it will involve Extra gum. That one with those stupid “dessert” flavors. Also Hugh Acheson is there. Hugh, the cardigan/T-shirt combo is not flattering to you. They must come up with Extra’s new dessert gum flavor. For no reason other than that “make a dessert” is entirely too broad, they must also make it small enough to fit in little tiny cups and saucers. OK, there are individual ramekins you would get crème brulee in, and ice cream sundae glasses, so they’re not that small. Everyone acts like they are, though. The winner gets immunity, but also it becomes gum! Well…it will “inspire a flavor that will be placed in a consumer vote to become the new flavor”. So you probably won’t see it be gum. Oh, and $25,000. Wow.

1 hour to cook. Amanda is making pina colada. Craig is making pancakes and strawberries. He is tired of being on the bottom. Hee, I can’t hear anyone say that without thinking dirty thoughts. Matthew and Chris giggle about how Matthew is making an oatmeal raisin cookie. Sally says they have a bromance. Melissa talks about burning her butter, and Megan complains about her complaining. Nelson is working to plate on time. Looking at people plating, I was mistaken. The plates really are pretty small.

Rebecca: first she kisses Hugh’s ass, which is cute. My guess is that doesn’t happen a lot. Raspberry, panna cotta, and linzer crust. Craig: lemon mascarpone pancakes with cream and amaretto-macerated strawberries. Gail wishes she had her Barbies. Hee. It’s so cute though. Sally: passion fruit pina colada. It’s very sour. Matthew: oatmeal raisin cookie parfait. This one is sweet. Amanda: coconut rum mousse, lime-pineapple coulis and vanilla bean. Hugh wants an umbrella, which would be fun. Carlos: passion fruit gelee, coconut tapioca, and meringue. Melissa: white coffee cream with honey roasted bananas and brown butter crumbs. Katzie rolls her eyes. Whatever. Katzie: chocolate cream cookie, bitter chocolate cream and orange cheesecake. Also candied violets. Busy. Nelson: black forest dessert. This is a cherry soaked in brandy, with some chocolate.

Hugh did not like Rebecca’s, because it was too busy, and Melissa’s coffee was interesting but he feels no one wants to have coffee-flavored gum. And Matthew’s cookie tasted like a granola bar. However, Craig’s pancakes were delicious (yay) and Nelson’s cherries were really interesting, and Carlos’s dessert was clean. But the winner is Craig. Yay Craig! He says he was going to pay off his school loans with the money, but now he’s going shopping. Good for him.

So apparently “lemon mascarpone pancakes with mascarpone cream and amaretto strawberries” inspires the flavor “lemon square”. Stupid.

For the Elimination challenge, they’ll be in two teams. Craig chooses himself as a captain, and Amanda as the other. He says he just said any name. The teams shake out as Craig, Sally, Matthew, Orlando (who can’t resist bitching about it), Nelson, and Rebecca; and Amanda, Chris, Carlos, Megan, Katzie, and Melissa. Melissa is left for last again, even though she was one of the winners last week. The challenge is for one of the Real Housewives. I am tired of them. I don’t watch their shows, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask to not have to see them elsewhere. Anyway, this one, Lisa, owns a restaurant or whatever, so each team has to “come up with a dessert table pitch” for the anniversary party for the restaurant. The husband shows up, with a pointless small dog wearing clothes, which I never approve of. He says that since Lisa loves pink, everything should be pink, and also she is meticulous, loves fresh flowers and her dog. Amanda used to work for people like this, so she knows the key is to ask detailed questions so they get exactly what they want. Rebecca asks if there are any desserts Lisa would make for her daughters, and I doubt this woman cooks at all, but I guess it’s a good question. The husband seems to have an answer. Gail says each team can have no more than 6 desserts.

30 minutes to plan. Craig is worried about leading, while Sally says she knows what to do. They seem to have a lot of pages of sample colors and desserts? Amanda’s team is all talking over each other and not making any decisions. Melissa says she is “dead inside”.

6 hours to cook. Amanda’s team still has to make decisions on what to make. She says she learned in the last challenge to speak up, and that if it’s not right it’s her head on the line. Craig is making a lemonade cocktail, which he knows is not as labor intensive, so he’s planning to help everyone else out. Sally seems hesitant to let him do her macarons but she eventually leaves to go help Orlando make a blown sugar centerpiece. Chris seems to have bamboo and raffia and a chandelier of some kind. Orlando says something bitchy, shut up Orlando. It’s not even funny bitchy, it’s just smug superiority. Melissa and Katzie are making dog treats. Cute. Nelson is making dog lollipops. Rebecca says Craig did a good job of trying to be team leader. Melissa has to remake a ton of stuff. She works while the rest of her team stands around and talks about her.

Amanda wakes up feeling sick and congested. Nelson doesn’t think Craig is a leader. He randomly solves a Rubix cube as everyone gets dressed. Weird.

2 more hours to cook. Someone makes a dog out of frosting. Melissa knows she has a ton of work to do and that Amanda has done all she could to lead. Amanda, meanwhile, still feels sick, so she asks Chris to do all the talking, on account of he’s a good speaker and also cute. Nelson is making chocolate lollipops with cotton candy. But these are too simple so he starts making a side dish. Everyone starts setting up the tables. Craig’s table is a big sugar showpiece, glass jars of candy and of roses, flowers, etc. Rebecca is trying to keep it from being too much. Amanda has made a big bamboo fishing pole looking thing, with a big bunch of roses hanging from the end. It looks pretty good, actually, very rustic. Both tables look good. Melissa is freaking out in the kitchen because her stuff isn’t setting up like she wants. Orlando finds some flowers just lying on the table so he starts spreading rose petals around.

Amanda’s team goes first, and they’re serving them all the desserts at once. Amanda: cava gelee with buttermilk foam, hibiscus, and a fizzy raspberry. Someone says it’s a fattening day. Duh. Carlos: guava pate de fruit, fromage blanc and phyllo cigar. Katzie: macaron with mascarpone, strawberry jam, and mint. The mint is a sauce put in a plastic pipette that is sticking out of the macaron. Melissa: white chocolate brownie, white chocolate cremeux, rose gelee and rhubarb foam. She admits the cremeux didn’t set up properly. I think she should have pretended it was a sauce. Megan: pink velvet almond cake with chocolate mousse, cherries, and cream cheese sorbet. It’s very pretty. They also give the dog the treats they made, which he eats, although generally dogs do not refuse treats. (Kmanpat: “But you said when you bought my dogs ice cream they weren’t interested.” Me: “Well, your dogs are weird.”) Amanda thinks their team did really well.

Sally is waiting until the last seconds to plate her sorbet because she’s afraid it will melt. Sally: chocolate and raspberry tarte nouveau, ganache, and lychee sorbet. It’s melting. Matthew: white chocolate cherry and pistachio entremet. It’s got gorgeous layers of cake. And apparently he covered the pistachios in white chocolate so the green wouldn’t ruin the look of the cake. Nelson: passion fruit cheesecake lollipop and pink chocolate namelaka. Namelaka is a ganache-type construction. The housewives do not seem to understand the concept of cotton candy. Or how to eat it. Or something. Craig: pink lemonade with rose cava gelee with a pink sugar rim. One of the housewives pretends she never has drinks with sugar rims. Please. Orlando did the entire centerpiece, which is very impressive to everyone. Rebecca: chocolate beet cake, beet cream cheese, and orange sauce. Someone makes a face, but it tastes good. Rebecca also made rhubarb rose crisp with crème fraiche sorbet. They love it. But the team does get called out on not making anything for the dog.

Commercial interlude: we actually get to see what Chris made, which is an almond strawberry tart and a rose ice cream push pop. Johnny says “Going into your tart--” but he gets cut off, because that is inappropriate. Then he finishes by saying it was a tight tart. Hee.

The judges discuss how Craig’s team had a nicer table, but the other team had better desserts. It’s telling that Lisa keeps calling it Chris’s team. There is a lot of discussion of the look of both tables, and who had better desserts overall, and whatever. Both teams come back out, and Lisa says one team embodied what her husband said, so the winners are “Chris’s team”. Amanda is disappointed they didn’t acknowledge her as the team leader, but she’s trying to remember it’s a team challenge and the whole team won. I’m kind of surprised Gail let them go the whole time calling it Chris’s team when she knows perfectly well who the team leader is.

Judges’ table. Craig thinks they maybe were too whimsical and had too many things on the table. Hubert tells them they heard “pink” but didn’t match it to a grown woman who is elegant and refined. Nelson explains how he was going to sculpt dog heads from his lollipops, but he ran out of time. Hubert wishes you could eat it in one bite. Both his dishes were too sweet. Sally says something about making a dessert that would last longer on a buffet table, but then she made sorbet. Hugh says it was a petit four with melted sorbet. Johnny wants to know who put the rose petals all over the table, and Rebecca pipes up and says “I would not have done that”. Maybe wait for someone else to admit they did it, possibly. She keeps talking, though, and says Orlando probably did it on accident, just seeing a flower lying on the table and thought that was how it should be. He basically says that, but she continues to talk as he’s explaining himself. They should have left it clean, like Rebecca wanted. Hugh says, “Dessert Hoarders”. He’s like the Michael Kors of this show. Nelson agrees, and then Craig starts talking about how he should have been a stronger leader, and did they cut out the part where the judges asked them questions? Is this team really just volunteering their faults? Craig continues to talk about his drink kind of sucking, and Hugh says he would have fired Craig because he put up nothing. He wonders aloud what Craig did all day, and Rebecca defends him and says that he helped everyone out. But Craig has immunity, so he’s not going home anyway. Sally gets really upset, and she says all of them are good at what they do. Gail admits that it’s hard sometimes.

Nelson’s lollipop was bad, and it wasn’t enough. Sally’s dessert was “mediocre”. Orlando made a beautiful showpiece but smothered it in flowers. Hubert is impressed by the sugar, though. Johnny says in his mind it is between Sally and Nelson. In the Stew Room, Sally thinks they’ll excuse Craig before they actually eliminate anyone, and Craig says he’ll use that time to go vomit and cry while someone else goes home. Rebecca tells him to shut up because it wasn’t his fault. He really feels responsible. It’s weird. I mean, how often does the team leader take so much responsibility for someone else’s dish?

Rebecca and Matthew both made delicious desserts and are safe. Craig made the worst dessert of the whole challenge, and Johnny tells him if he didn’t have immunity, he’d be going home. Ouch. Nelson is sent home. He interviews that he is disappointed to go home for lollipops, and that Craig doesn’t know what he’s doing. The Stew Room erupts in a fight after Orlando says he’s sad someone he likes went home, but then Craig starts yelling about how Johnny messed with his head by saying he should have gone home instead. I thought at first he was yelling because Orlando had said something. Anyway, Orlando says they’re all there to win, they’ll do whatever it takes, so he doesn’t care about anything anyone says, keep your sad stories to yourselves. Yeah, everyone’s going to love you after that one.

Next time: the original cast of Willy Wonka. The good one, not the Johnny Depp one. They transform a whole room into the candy room with the chocolate pool from the movie, which is a very cool challenge. Two people will go home. Clicky clicky

Project Runway 9/1/11--"The Art of the Matter" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the producers made everyone race for team leader spots. Cecilia finally succumbed to her unhappiness and quit, but not before Heidi railed on her for a bit for sucking. Because apparently Julie is too boring, the designers were told they could bring anyone back that they wanted, so they wanted Josh. C. Teams had to design for Heidi‘s New Balance line, and make clothes specifically for her “fashion sneakers“ or whatever they were, looking like retro 70‘s low-top Nikes. Designers were specifically told to think outside the box and make dresses and suits, but then were docked points for making things women could not work out in, and also for making the models look like business women who commute on public transportation and wear sneakers to walk in. Bert continued to be a jerk, going so far as to grin and fist-pump on the runway when the rest of his team was told their clothes sucked. Josh M. was a complete asshat to Becky, because he only picked her so she could sew everything for them. Then he told her her clothes were dowdy and tried to explain that he didn‘t mean it in a bad way. For some unfathomable reason (which would probably just irritate me more) this action was praised by the judges, because he “ran his team“. So, the first time that I can remember in the history of the show that the judges gave a crap about team dynamics, and they praise the team leader for being an asshat. Oh, and then give him a co-win, even though he didn’t actually design the dress that “won“. Viktor won too, and Danielle went home. Oh, and they‘ll probably have a million decoy collections again. I do not like where this show seems to be heading. (click for more)

Also, now I have Don Henley in my head, so thanks for that, Lifetime.

The boys sit around the apartment and it seems pretty awkward. Anthony Ryan says that he and Bert are calling a truce. Bert says that he’s just going to worry about what he has to do today, and try not to be an asshole to anyone. Is that remorse? Or an “Oh, I’m such a bad boy, ha ha”? I can’t tell. The girls are much better, except that Becky has just moved in, and apparently Laura doesn’t like her? I feel like I missed that, or Laura had kept her mouth shut maybe.

Heidi reminds Viktor and Josh M. they have immunity. Then she says that she wants to send them “back to school”. Then she makes a lame old person joke at Bert’s expense and sends them on their field trip. Anthony Ryan says they’re either dressing students, or dressing teachers.
The designers end up at Harlem School of the Arts. And there are students who have made art for them. They seem to be about 11 or 12 years old. Viktor does not seem to like children much. The designers will be collaborating with the students on a piece of art, which should then inspire an “avant-garde” design. Oo, and they get two days! Anya loves the arts. Once they get inside and start working, it seems that the age range is like, 12-17. Viktor wishes he had a cocktail. I think most people are having fun, even Viktor, and no one is mean. Josh C.’s student promises to cry if the judges say anything bad about his clothes. Hee. Laura is gossiping to her student about the last challenge. Her student (who is ELEVEN) tells her it’s an opportunity to be better and other adult mentor-type things. Tim collects the students, gives them 30 minutes to sketch, and then he’ll take them shopping. Viktor randomly says “I’m never having kids. Oh my Lord of the Rings.” …people really say that? Olivier was pretty confident when he started, but now he’s more confused. Josh M. likes things that are fake. Yup. His picture is a tree with roots and he has no clue what he’s going to do. Sigh. Josh C. is not doing something literal, which is good as he seems to have a painting of a werewolf.

30 minutes and $300. Tim chases the poor dog around. Olivier is using chiffon but he’s never used it before. Tim tells Josh C. (and the rest of us) that he is not allowed to use real fur. Then he only spends like, $170 somehow. Huh? What happened with that?

Back at Parson’s, Viktor rolls his eyes and mocks everyone’s fabric choices. Tim appears and says they have until 10pm tonight, and all day tomorrow. He’ll come back tomorrow to see what they’re doing. Why not today? Bert asks him to clarify something, and Tim says that this is not a “red carpet” challenge, it is an “avant-garde” challenge. Bert thinks this does not mean he has to make a costume or do anything weird, but it does have to be forward thinking. Becky and Laura both seem to go with “weird”, with Laura further clarifying that she does not expect that anyone would wear an avant-garde piece in real life. Except Lady Gaga. Oo, that’s a good example. Viktor thinks it is edgy and should make you wonder how it’s made. Olivier knows his look is more quiet than others. Josh M. is painting panels of his skirt to look like wood. He uses the word “breastplate”, but as he has a tree, and he wants to carve a heart and initials into it, that’s actually not bad. Possibly. Anthony Ryan says you have to be the right person to use fur. The implication is that Josh C. is not the right person. Viktor makes a joke about length. Bert dyes some of his fabric for jodhpurs. Anthony Ryan’s dress must fit perfectly. Laura is cutting organza and burning the edges so they don’t fray. She says it smells like when she used to burn her Barbies. Your Barbies were made of raw silk? I doubt it. She jokes about burning down the workroom and Josh C. says he is a Needle Scout so he can put out the fire. Or possibly he says “Eagle Scout” but Needle Scout is funnier. Josh M. claims interest in what Becky is doing. Why, you ask? Because he hopes his “direction” last week will help her think outside the box and make better clothes. You mean your “direction” of “Shut up and sew, I didn’t pick you to design”? Ass. Viktor hopes his dress does not turn out like a House of Dereon dress. Hee! Laura tells Bert he could play the straight card, and then he tells them he was widowed and interviews to us that he turned to alcohol. He gets a phone call home. To be fair, the other designers express sympathy. Kimberly is behind.

Everyone meanders home, where Laura says she is worried about Josh C. because he is inspired by a werewolf. Josh C. is so thrilled about it though.

Next day! Everyone back to work! Olivier is kind of a slow worker, says Viktor. And he worries. Josh C. describes his skirt to Laura, and you can tell she thinks it sucks. Tim appears to tell everyone their artwork has arrived, and so have the students. Fun! I think all the students like the designs, and some of them have suggestions which seem to be well-received.

Tim time! Anthony Ryan wants his dress to look like paint, but not orange and black together. Anya wants something tasteful, and Tim thinks that it would be impossible for Anya to not be tasteful. Bryce is talking to his student to see how she thinks. Kimberly has literal wings, as she is working from a bird painting. Tim predicts Kors will say “Take me to Geronimo”. Laura has peach and flowery or something. Her student’s opinion? “I think it will look much better when it’s a finished product.” Ha! Well played. Becky has some cubes on the shoulder, and Tim warns her against “craft project”. Her dress is made of denim, so she’s already in the hole for that, and Tim says right now it’s not enough. Becky knows if she hasn’t wowed Tim, she certainly won’t wow the judges. Bert has…a bustier and a giant pair of jodhpurs. Like, Kenley puffy sleeves-level of giant. Ugh. Olivier is not used to working with color. He may not be taking his dress far enough. Every time Olivier tries to pin Tim down he dodges, which is weird. Tim reminds Josh M. that his dress should stand on its own, without explanation. Josh C., however, might be too literal. Tim doesn’t want him to go home again. Viktor for some reason is worried when his student talks to Tim. I’m not sure. She’s selling his dress. Tim collects the students and says they’ll be at the runway show. Nice.

Viktor has discovered that his student is awesome and he and Kimberly hope she stands up to Kors if Viktor ends up on the bottom. That would be fantastic. Bryce is losing his mind. He talks about straightjackets. Olivier seems to be behind, and Laura says that is par for the course. Anya doesn’t think Josh C. is proving himself enough. He cuts himself a Mohawk out of his fake fur.
Model fitting time! Bert’s model tells him his giant pants are good. Seriously, I could probably fit into them, and I am FAR from a model. Becky has been in the middle a lot, so she thinks if she’s in the bottom they’ll declare their boredom and get rid of her. Laura asks Bert about his “jodhpurs”, and he declares them “fat pants”. Viktor says it’s at least fun to look at which is important. Josh C. is sitting with his head in his hands thinking. They make it looks like everyone is standing around looking at his dress and making comments. He’s starting to freak out. Aww.

Morning of the show. Everyone still has work to do. Anya worries about Olivier, but unlike everyone else, she worries about his design instead of how he’s going to finish. Josh C. would have had fun, if he hadn’t had to make an outfit inspired by a werewolf. Tim appears and gives them 2 hours. Olivier is seriously out of time. Hot makeup guy! Oh, everyone loves him. How come we can’t get a challenge with him talking instead of Collier Strong, who, incidentally, I have not seen all season? I mean really. Olivier borrows glue. To glue the dress onto his model. Tim busts in and tells him it’s against the rules to glue things to the model. It’s not sticking now, so it’s OK? That was anti-climactic. A ton of frantic working. Josh M. says something bitchy. Actually, a lot of people say bitchy things about other people. I don’t remember everyone hating on their competitors so much before.

Guest judge is Kenneth Cole. Also Nina is not here, but Zanna Roberts Rassi is. Kimberly: her painting is a bird, and her dress is a very short skirt with an asymmetrical overlay, like a flap on one side. And lots of feathers. The whole thing is in red and black, with a keyhole opening and a tight hood over her head. Or maybe a thick headband and slick ponytail. Becky: a space scene with a red orb and green stars. Her dress has one shoulder, and the opposite hem is very long. All down the diagonal is green cubes and squares, and cutouts on the skirt. Olivier: the painting is swirls of blue and yellow and red, and the dress is white with a splash of blue and yellow. It looks terrible. It’s just like, flowy pieces slapped together, like something else was supposed to be going on but it just didn’t happen. Josh M.: the painting is an orange tree with green roots. Orange puffy top with just like, ruffles crammed in everywhere, and no back. The skirt is a circle skirt in brown that looks like wood, but I can’t see the initials he “carved” into it. Bert: the painting is all abstract random shapes in lots of colors. The outfit is a bustier with random stuffed shapes on it, and some netting. The pants are stupid huge, with more cut out colored shapes down the sides. I find it fugly. Viktor: lot of swirls and greens and blues. The dress has one long sleeve and the other side has no sleeve, and it looks like it’s gathered in horizontal layers, in white and blue, and it’s wrinkled and slit just so. Actually it’s not bad. Laura: she kept saying her painting was a flower, but it looks more like a fruit still life. She has a long peach dress, with a ton of horizontal ruffles in the bodice and vertical ruffles in the skirt. Except that the peachy yellow color is not the most prominent color in her painting. It’s very “dusted fairy” as she says. Bryce: this really creepy painting of a person with bulging eyes. The dress is a red turtleneck, with a black skirt. The top has long straightjacket sleeves. Josh C: it’s a werewolf painting. Short leather skirt, with a white blouse and a black like, holster type thing over her shoulders and upper chest. I’m not sure. Anthony Ryan: the painting is self portraits of himself and his student. The dress is gray with lots of strips of color, yellow and blue and black. The color is supposed to look like paint, which it kind of does. Anya: two barren trees and yellow ground, and a sun. Very low cut v-neck with a short skirt and a voluminous overskirt in a red/brown print. The top is made from feathers to make a fringe over her shoulders. I kind of dig it.

Kimberly, Viktor, Becky, Bryce, and Anya are safe. Boo, Anya is safe? They go back to the Scrap Bin and talk about who is in the top. Bryce says that Bert’s outfit sucks, and Viktor says that he thinks Bert will be the winner. Bryce responds that if Bert wins, he’ll jump out the window. Josh M. tells his explanation, which hopefully they don’t need. But they like the skirt and how it’s painted. In other news, what is on his shoulders? Like, black leather with spikes. Kors thinks his styling is a little over the top. Josh C. talks about wolves. Kors says “Victorian cocktail waitress in Vegas”. Zanna says it’s trashy. Heidi says it looks like a hooker, but Josh C. stands up for himself and says he doesn’t think it’s that trashy. Zanna basically tells him that since they all think it’s ugly, it is ugly. Cole says it doesn’t come together. Bert basically explains that it’s literally the painting. Zanna doesn’t think anyone would ever wear it. Kors tells him it’s not modern. For some reason, Heidi likes that it was literal. Why is there always some serious crazy coming from the judges? Laura somehow says her boning in the bodice is like thorns. Zanna couldn’t see how the painting was connected to the dress until Laura explained it. Apparently even though Tim warned against it (making your dress so confusing you have to explain it), this is not a problem. They all like the color and the ruffles and all. Olivier says his dress is dreamy, but he knows they don’t like it. The painting is not as sad as his dress. Most of the skirt is a gray non-color, and would have been better in the colored chiffon. Cole says it’s not boring, but too busy. The constructed side of the bodice is great, but the blue side he tried to glue to his model sucks. Anthony Ryan has a great dress, which they point out is great even though he’s colorblind. Look, gray, black, and yellow are not that many colors. It’s not literal but has dimension, and even the unfinished hem works. Cole doesn’t like the unfinished though. But the other judges seem to really like it.

Josh M. had a cool skirt with great texture, with painting, and the bright top. Laura’s mix of ruffles and visible boning was apparently really cool. I guess it was. And very well made. Anthony Ryan made a beautiful, interesting dress. It’s wearable but also powerful. Cole insists on bringing up his lack of finishing. Olivier had just too many layers going on, and his clothes are boring. Heidi points out that in casting she was blown away by his designs, and now she’s bored. Josh C. gets nailed for not making an interesting enough dress, and they decide he just missed it. Bert made a Teletubby outfit, says Kors. There is a diaper joke. The cut out shapes were bad, and the fact that they were 3D just made it worse.

Anthony Ryan is the winner. I did like his outfit. Plus Josh M. looks pissed so that is all I really need at this point. Josh M. is in. Laura is in. Bert is in, apparently because Heidi liked his outfit for some reason. Olivier is in. Boo. Poor Josh. Not that I hate Olivier, but his dress was pretty bad. Josh says it’s easier the second time.

Next time: teams AGAIN. Looks like Josh M. and Bert are put together. Josh cries about his mom for some reason, and I’m not sure how that got brought up. Tim wants them to join hands. I don’t really want to watch Josh and Bert be asshats for 90 minutes again. Clicky clicky

Top Chef: Just Desserts 8/31/11--"Sweet Symphony" summary

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: We met 14 pastry chefs who seem to be more sane than last year’s batch of pastry chefs, but with the same proportion of cocky loudmouths as always. The Quickfire involved working in pairs to make a soda fountain-inspired dessert. No drama! I know! The winners got to pick what team they were on for the Elimination challenge, which involved fairy tales and showpieces. The showpieces were OK, mostly, but the team that had “Hansel and Gretel” just made a chocolate house. You have the easiest showpiece! Gingerbread house covered in candy! Anyway, this failure of logic causes Lina to go home first. The “Red Riding Hood” team had the best showpiece and plated desserts so they won. (click for more)  

Nelson appears to be staring at the toaster oven. I think it’s Nelson. Rebecca has broken her wrist, but she just put a brace on and wants to keep on competing. Well…it’s not like breaking an ankle and insisting on walking. If it’s braced properly, she can probably use her hand or fingers. We’ll see. 

Gail has brought Margaret Braun, who is a cake artist. Also a table full of lemons. Today’s Quickfire is 45 minutes to make a lemon dessert. Yum! This is tricky, we are told, because lemons are tart and the rind can be bitter if you screw up zesting it. Matthew (seriously, he is cute even with the eyebrows) is going to try lemons and hazelnut. Nelson is making pavlova. Orlando discusses not stopping because of allergies. My cable is still stupid so I’m just going to assume he’s allergic to lemons. Megan wants to keep winning. Poor Rebecca is having a hard time juicing lemons. I don’t think she can grip with the broken wrist. Katzie’s making crepes. Carlos breaks out the liquid nitrogen. Nelson’s stuff isn’t done and he’s run out of time. 

Nelson: lemon pavlova with mango coulis. He wanted it to be more, and makes the mistake of telling them so. Orlando: coconut lemon cream cake, lemon curd, lemon fritters, and chocolate. Katzie: lemon crepe ribbons with egg yolk and butter emulsion and candied fennel seeds. It looks like fettuccine. Actually that sounds really good. Matthew: lemon vanilla crème with mint puree and hazelnut sable. Carlos: citrus soup with reverse sphered yogurt, olive oil powder, honey, and thyme. Why do you need to do all those things? Olive oil powder does not sound appetizing. Amanda: caramel cremeux (mousse), with café dulce confit lemon segments. Melissa: lemon beignet with Thai basil sugar. Interesting. Craig: lemon sour cream pound cake with French meringue and coconut cream. Vanarin: lemon curd semifreddo with coconut brown butter streusel and blackberry compote. Rebecca: lemon meringue pie with blueberries in ginger and lemon syrup. 

Now I want dessert again. Margaret says the bottom two were Nelson, because lemon and mango aren’t really a good pair, plus he admitted he ran out of time. Also Orlando. She says maybe it’s just personal, but lemon and chocolate don’t’ go together. Orlando bitches that she should be judging on a professional level, “so leave your personal shit at the door”. Dude, there is “cocky” and there is “asshat” and you are toeing the line. A PERSON eats your dessert, so their PERSONAL tastes are important. You don’t see people on regular Top Chef complaining that Tony Bourdain likes stoner food. They just make stoner food. Amanda also is in the bottom, because caramel and lemon did not work. Matthew’s cake was wonderful, Katzie’s dessert was fun, and Carlos had a nice balance. The winner is Matthew. Yay! He has immunity. 

For the Elimination challenge, they will be on teams again. Orlando, Carlos, and Amanda were “randomly” chosen to “be responsible for picking the teams”. Notice she did not say “team leaders”. Matthew gets to pick the fourth team. The teams shake out this way: Matthew, Chris, Megan (Red Team); Orlando, Nelson, Craig (Black Team); Carlos, Sally, Rebecca (Green Team); Amanda, Katzie, Van (Blue Team). Orlando specifically says he’s staying away from Melissa because she threw Lina under the bus, even though Lina totally deserved it. Melissa ends up last, so is put on Matthew’s team. The challenge today is about the Walt Disney Concert Hall, where the Los Angeles Philharmonic plays. They will need to make a cake for 150, for the opening night party. Each person on the team must be responsible for one tier. So…I guess you get judged on how well your cake turns out? Will they care how the layers go together? Matthew says in the real world this would take 3 days. 

They have 8 ½ hours to cook. Chris wants something mostly traditional, with maybe “crooked” layers. You know, where you build a round cake, and then put slanted pieces on the sides so it looks wobbly. Katzie is making the bottom tier of her team’s cake, so she knows it has to be more architectural. She spouts some line about how pastry is a marriage of science and art, which I think you can say about any kind of cooking. Van loves to make cakes and be creative. Musical instruments everywhere! Orlando shockingly says cakes are a specialty of his, while Nelson is architectural, and Craig is…something. I don’t understand what he says, and it‘s not because the signal went out. But I’m pretty sure he thinks Craig is a nitwit. Carlos is leading his team, because he has a vision. But this team is having communication issues because Carlos has a weird vocabulary, so they’re not sure what he’s talking about exactly. Sally and Rebecca are smiling and nodding. 

Van is making instruments out of modeling chocolate, which he’s never done before. He talks about his parents coming from Cambodia. Melissa is making cardamom sponge cake. Chris worries about spice in cake, forgetting that spice cake is delicious. Nelson is building towers. He was in architecture school, and then dropped out his senior year to be a pastry chef. 

Johnny shows up to quiz everyone. Both Sally and Rebecca are making chocolate devil’s food layers. But Sally is using buttermilk and oil, and Rebecca is using milk and oil, so it’s totally different! Johnny doesn’t buy it either. They need to make a cohesive cake. Van has one instrument drying, and it’s small. They need bigger. The Red Team tells Johnny they have a bold design, but he says it’s ordinary. Chris promises they’re going to put a bunch of stuff on there later. Craig says something about “pow pow flavor”. I’m not sure either. 

Amanda says she likes their flavors, but she’s worried about their decorations. Nelson’s cake is heavier than he thought, so he needs new dowels. Cake moving. Time is up. 

In the morning, Craig and Sally joke around. He says if he gets kicked off, she’d better cry, or he’ll kick her until she cries. Hee. He tells us he was the fat kid who got picked on, plus he was flamboyant. He hopes those people are watching him do well now. 

One hour to cook and pack for departure. Carlos kind of freaks out and starts ordering people around. Nelson cuts up his cake to put new columns in it. Craig is painting his cake layer, with a brush that is too small, according to Orlando. People pack and consider what to decorate now and how to make sure nothing breaks on the way. Katzie’s cake is heavy, and soaked in hazelnut syrup so it’s heavier than it would normally be. 

At the venue, they have 90 minutes to finish set up. And we discover they’re outside. Oo. That’s a dirty trick. Everyone starts moving umbrellas for shade. One of Katzie’s panels cracks, and Van is having a hard time sticking all the decorations on. Also there is glitter everywhere. Carlos is airbrushing, but the color doesn’t come out right. Too late, though, Carlos already sprayed the cake with your weird bronzy-pink color. Nelson interviews that two teams were doing the same things, and two were doing random things, so someone is wrong. Orlando breaks something. Things are also falling off the Blue Team’s cake. Is…is that a glue gun? Please tell me someone didn’t just stick chocolate on a cake with a hot glue gun. 

People arrive for the party in fancy clothes, to eat cake and be on TV. The chefs describe their cakes to everyone. Margaret is back to judge, with Hubert and Johnny and Gail. Red Team up first. A four tiered cake with slightly crooked layers, in a light gray. Lots of small sheet music sheets for decoration and some flowers. On top is a stylized sax. Johnny can’t resist pointing out flaws in the fondant. Matthew: lemon pound cake, almond daquoise, creme fraiche mousse, strawberry jam. Megan: yellow butter cake with honey caramel cream, preserves, mocha praline feuillitine (little crunchy things, I think). Chris: chocolate and hazelnut sponge cake with praline jam, and vanilla cremeux. Melissa: cardamom sponge cake with ginger cream and strawberry jam. Yum. Everyone seems to get praise for their flavors. 

Blue team: their cake is a standard round tiered cake. The bottom layer is gray, middle is white with chocolate music notes, and the top has silver and gold vertical stripes with holes? Or something? And chocolate instruments. They’re kind of ragged. And there is glitter everywhere. And big silver wings, to represent the building…it’s a bit of a mess. Katzie: buttermilk cake with black currant jam and pistachio buttercream. Top layer is spongy, says Johnny. Amanda: devil’s food cake with raspberry gelee, chocolate buttercream and praline feuillitine. Margaret wants to eat around the fruit. Van: smoked salted caramel cake with pistachio buttercream. It is dry. 

Black team: triangular base, then a cube with columns of cake so you can look right through it, and then a round top with some red accents which is supposed to be a drum. On the very top is a piece of sheet music and a guitar. Orlando admits something fell off the top, because the judges notice right away. Orlando: vanilla sponge soaked in Chambord, blackberry and port buttercream. Too much fondant. Nelson: vanilla and lemon zest cake with pistachio buttercream and white chocolate pearls. Johnny can taste the texture but can’t see it. Craig: Grandma’s chocolate cake with caramel and marshmallow buttercream. Margaret asks him if it’s really his grandma’s cake, and he says no for some reason. They think it’s a bit too sweet. Orlando hopes they aren’t on the bottom, but if they are, he will not hesitate to throw Craig under the bus. 

Green team: white round tiers that are slanted on top. There are a bunch of rose colored squares, that seem to be put on crooked. Hubert thinks it looks like they all worked together. But the color is weird. Sally promises if they lose, it’s Carlos’s fault. Carlos: vanilla sponge cake, lemon cream, and strawberries. It has good flavor but is dense for being the top layer. Sally: devil’s food cake with chocolate buttercream, salted caramel, and raspberries. Rebecca: ??? Sorry guys, I watched two different viewings and both times it got cut. But it doesn’t matter anyway (spoiler!). 

Commercial interlude: Craig and Sally flirt. Possibly. Or he is annoying and she knows how to shut him down. 

Gail collects the Green and Red teams first. These are the winners. Rebecca is getting emotional, and she admits her wrist really affected her during the Quickfire, so she was pretty worried it would keep her from continuing. The Green team had a cohesive cake, even though it was a weird color and the top of it doesn’t seem to be musical. The fresh fruit was great. The Red team did a great decorating job, and they loved Melissa’s spice cake. Margaret tells Matthew he is the king of lemon desserts. The Red team wins! Melissa is relieved she has proven herself. 

Craig thinks they thought too far outside the box, and then nothing came together. Nelson admits that they each did something different to identify themselves and their layer. Craig’s layer was messy. Orlando blames his dense sponge on the fact that he had the bottom layer and had to support the rest of the cake. Johnny responds that they had dowels so that is crap. Hubert says Nelson’s cake was much more professional, so it made the other tiers look bad in comparison. Hubert tries to get him to throw Craig under the bus but he won’t. Katzie thinks they were cohesive, but there were too many details and it didn’t turn out well. Van takes responsibility for the instruments, and he says one of them should have stepped up and edited the design. He tells them he was too focused on his piece. Katzie’s cake had a weird texture. Amanda’s cake ended up being Hubert’s favorite, but Van’s flavors should have been bolder. 

Blue team’s cake was a wreck, but Black team’s cake was not cohesive. Orlando had the only breakage of the day. Margaret asks if Johnny would prefer a broken cake, or an ugly cake. Oo. Katzie’s mushy cake is singled out on the Blue team, and Craig’s layer is singled out also. Van promised smoked salt which Johnny says he could not find. 

Johnny reminds everyone they failed, and then Gail tells Van he is eliminated. Well then. I mean, Gail says his dessert didn’t measure up, and then Johnny rubs it in by telling him he says he’s a flavor guy but his flavors weren’t there and also his design was lame. He couldn’t show his full potential, and wishes he could have stayed longer. He feels inspired, and he hasn’t felt like that for a long time. 

Next time: $25,000, Melissa freaks out, stupid Real Housewives flirting with Johnny, stupid Hugh Acheson, why is he here? Better him than housewives, I guess. Clicky clicky

Project Runway 8/26/11--"Off the Track" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the producers finally let Nina be the boss and force the designers to design for her. Everyone immediately freaked out, which was fun to watch. Most people didn’t really design for Nina as much as they designed some chic, fashionable clothing that they hoped she would like. Kimberly won, with a shiny gold top and some pants. They were cool, I guess. I mean…pants. Eh. And Anya did well, even though people had to help her sew, and Victor thought she should have admitted it. Cecilia gave up about halfway through the challenge, but somehow made it through when Julie didn’t. She then made the mistake of telling the Scrap Bin that she wasn’t interested in hanging around, and it was too bad Julie was out because Julie really wanted to stay in the competition. When they (logically) ask her why she didn’t say anything and let Julie go home, she had no response. (click for more)

In the morning the designers wake up to piles of clothing and shoes with their names on them. Sitting on the sink. Yeah, someone came into the apartment while you were asleep, that’s not creepy. Oo, Josh looks pretty good with no shirt. Sorry, distracted. Cecilia stays in bed and refuses to look. Also there is a note that says to go to “The New Balance Track”, whatever that is. Bleh, making athletic clothes. Cecilia is angry that she is still there. You know, you CAN quit. It’s been done. Becky is confused, as Cecilia says she doesn’t want to wear anything. Kimberly throws out the opinion that maybe it’s a weight loss challenge.

They find Heidi and Tim on the track. Heidi is wearing a weird jacket and leggings combo in like, mottled gray. And platform heels. Tim, meanwhile, is wearing a blazer and shirt and tie, and jeans. And sneakers. It is hilarious. Blazer and jeans, OK. Athletic footwear, hilarious. Josh is going to leave everyone in the dust. Heidi claims to be thinking of the contestants and their “cabin fever”. Tim lets everyone know they will be working in four teams of three, each team with a captain. Anthony Ryan says he doesn’t want Bert. Bert doesn’t want any partner at all. Viktor doesn’t want Bert, so I guess one team is Bert, Anthony Ryan, and Viktor. To choose team leaders, they must do one lap around the track. First four to finish are the team leaders. Cecilia is so miserable she doesn’t even want to run, because she thinks it’s unfair to everyone else. Anya sees her talking to Tim and knows it’s serious. Cecilia admits to Heidi she was trying to get kicked out yesterday and she hates this. Heidi tells her that everyone wants to be there really badly, and if she doesn’t, then she should go before they start running. So Cecilia quits. She doesn’t want to take anyone’s opportunity by taking up a spot. Anthony Ryan says it doesn’t make sense. She knows she might be missing a chance here, but she also is pretty confident in her decision.

OK, race time. People are more athletic than I thought they’d be. Josh is winning, even though he runs strangely. Olivier totally bites it, which looks painful. Josh wins, and then Bryce, Anthony Ryan, and Viktor finish next. Viktor says he never runs unless someone is chasing him with a gun. Bert is last, and Heidi actually runs out to run the last little bit with him in her heels. Olivier is getting medical attention, and it looks like he bruised his knee or something, and then suddenly he’s lying on the ground and they’re taking his blood pressure. And then his feet flop over, and I watch Survivor so I know what’s up. Olivier just passed out. He eventually gets up and is fine, but that was weird.

Team choosing time! Josh picks Anya and Becky, Bryce picks Kimberly (who does a high kick for some reason) and Danielle, Anthony Ryan takes Laura (and gets stuck with Bert), and Viktor picks Olivier. Usually this team would get Julie, as the last person eliminated would come back into the competition. But Heidi says that since it’s early, they get to pick any of the four eliminated designers they want: Fallene, Rafael, Josh C., or Julie. They pick Josh C. Everyone has to make an outfit that will go with the sneakers Heidi has designed. One pair looks like standard sneakers, and one looks like black fashion sneakers that are not really for working out or anything, but they are pretty comfortable. Actually neither pair looks particularly “sneaker” like. They must also use the materials in the sneakers, which are denim and suede. Each team must have three looks, which is STUPID WHY DON’T YOU JUST HAVE AN INDIVIDUAL CHALLENGE!?!? Sorry, but a team should have to all work on one outfit. Each person is going to make one outfit, so the only reason to have a team challenge in this case is because you hope everyone will get into fights. The winning outfit will be produced and become part of Heidi’s line. She specifically says to think outside the box, like suits, or dresses.

They have 30 minutes to “caucus and sketch”, says Tim. Becky thinks this is right up her alley, but her idea of a dress over leggings is shot down by Josh M. as being “over”. He picked her for her energy, but he doesn’t like her style. Anya feels bad that they’re shooting down all Becky’s ideas. Viktor tries to think of active wear, but Olivier reminds him Heidi said they didn’t have to do that. Bryce knows he has good ideas. Anthony Ryan and Laura are working together, while Bert sits slightly apart and works by himself. They don’t like any of his designs, not surprising.

$300 per team, 30 minutes at Mood. Becky is still getting shot down. Viktor thinks only having to work with Olivier right now is an advantage, because it’s easier for two of them to agree.

Tim reminds all of them that they have to make the suede and denim “prominent” in their designs. Then he gives them until 11pm. Currently it is 4:29pm. Seriously? That is ridiculous. Danielle and Bryce are both worried because neither of them has done very well recntly. Josh C. returns and everyone cheers. Laura says that people don’t get a chance to come back very often, but I’m feeling like it happens a lot. We get a close-up shot of the sneakers, and they’re like, retro 80’s low-top sneakers. Josh M. and Anya discuss their design but they don’t bother to include Becky, who is pissed. She pipes up and tries to join in, but Josh tells her to get back to work, and then interviews that he doesn’t need her to be thinking or designing, just working. That was pretty bitchy. Viktor worries about a long skirt and tennis shoes. Anthony Ryan says his first duty is to keep the peace. However, Bert is difficult to work with. He mutters something with cursing, but whoever did the subtitles thought we could read white letters on a white background. Bryce complains about him too. He appears to forget Anthony Ryan’s name, and then loses all points by saying he doesn’t remember some people’s names because they’re not “significant”. Anya asks Becky to sew because she’s never sewn jersey. Really, it looks like every time Becky tries to make a suggestion, they tell her to sew. I didn’t think her stuff was that bad. Josh claims this is for the good of everyone.

Tim time! And Heidi! Bryce has off-the-shoulder designs, with cowls or something. Heidi doesn’t like it, so now he’s wasted all that time. They also have a dress, but she says it’s boxy and is made out of leather. Great. Laura thinks Bryce should have lost on purpose and let someone else be in charge. Viktor has a leather piece like a motorcycle jacket, and a long skirt that Heidi tries to put on for them. Viktor says it actually looks cute, but only with the jacket she has on. Their looks have to go together. Olivier thinks he can prove her wrong. Anthony Ryan and Laura talk about their designs. Heidi asks if they all like the neckline on Laura’s design, and Bert opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything. Heidi thinks Anthony Ryan is making a rouched-bodice high-waisted jumpsuit. With sneakers. Bert has something chic, but even though she told them to think suits or dresses, she doesn’t want anything fancy. Laura’s model has a big ass so they have to pick the right design for her to wear. Josh M. has a plain shift dress and she says every week there is a dress like that. Anya admits she wouldn’t wear it. Heidi likes Anya’s dress, but not the other dress which I think is Josh M.’s dress. They ask what Becky has been doing, and she basically says “All the sewing” without throwing anyone under the bus. She is sewing, and the other two are designing, “so far”. Tim tells Becky (and the other two) that he doesn’t want her role to be so trivialized that they throw her under the bus. She hadn’t seen it that way. I hadn’t either, I was just thinking “you know, if the designs suck, she had no part of it, because they wouldn’t let her change anything.” But now everyone knows that’s how Tim sees it, including Heidi. Before she leaves, she says she’s worried, since it’s 9pm already. So she’s giving them until 4am. Wow. A GOOD twist.

Becky immediately starts designing, and she asks someone to help her design a top, and Josh M. says…actually I don’t know what he says. I can’t understand him, but it sounds like it was bitchy, and anyway, Becky gets pissed and storms out. Josh talks shit about how her demographic is “40 to death”. Based on what Becky says later, I think he said “You DO know this dress is dowdy, right?” Anya tells him to fix it, and I think he feels “fix the dress” but not “fix your issue”. Then he tries to claim he didn’t mean “dowdy” in a bad way. What? Seriously? And you think someone will believe that? He starts talking about “style wise” or some shit, and Becky interrupts him to point out that he told her to make a princess-seamed dress, which she did. So he can’t really blame her if it turns out dumpy or uncool. That’s a good point. Josh has nothing to say to that, so he says “I’m not having drama with you, so you can cry or do whatever you need to do to get over it, but I’m not going to console you.” No, but an apology would go a long way. Man, I was just realizing how cute he was, but now I want to smack him. Anya stays to comfort Becky, while Josh yells across the sewing room that she should take a nap and he’ll do it himself. Oh, honey, that is the point where I would throw the dress in your face and tell you to get started.

Anya follows Becky into the bathroom and asks her if she would talk to her, or would she rather Anya leave her alone? So of course that is when Josh comes into the bathroom, like, I know you’re gay, but, WOMEN’S. He does apologize, though, and manages to sound sincere. Becky for some reason now thinks that all the contestants think her designs are terrible. In confessional he does say he means it, and only says it’s time to move on and sew. So the lack of bitchy comments makes me think he might actually mean it.

Model fitting. Olivier loves the skirt Heidi didn’t like at all. Laura doesn’t like Bert’s skirt, and she tries to get him to see that he could fix it, but he won’t. Anthony Ryan takes the interesting tactic of explaining to Bert that when they are being questioned, and he and Laura say that they told Bert to fix it and he wouldn’t, that they are not throwing Bert under the bus. Surprisingly, Bert agrees, as he likes his design. He is willing to stand behind it, and he thinks his is the best anyway.

Danielle knows they had a ton of extra time so they need to pick it up. Josh M. puts a stripe on his outfit. Lots of working. Finally everyone gets to go home and wake up probably 4 hours later.
Anthony Ryan is sick and has a fever. He thinks his design is not what he wants. Tim arrives to give everyone 2 hours to finish. Josh M. breezes into the sewing room and asks Bert how long he’ll be. Bert’s putting in a zipper, and then Bert says “I don’t see your name on this machine” and Josh responds “You have no courtesy” and “It’s not all about Josh” and “It’s not all about Bert either” and who knows. But it ends with Bert cursing, Josh saying “Watch your language” and Bert telling him to drop dead. Yeah…may have to root against both of them now. However it ends with “Bert, you’re closer to death than me” and “Good, that might be a blessing with you around” which is kind of funny. Hot makeup guy greets Anthony Ryan with “Hi, gorgeous!” Hee.

Guest judge is Erin Wasson, model and designer. Viktor: short dress with a lot of volume and a motorcycle jacket. It’s actually really cute. The dress I think is denim. Josh C.: black slim pants, and a blue t-shirt with shoulder pieces that look like a gun holster. Olivier: long gray skirt, and a sleeveless black top with a racerback. I think the three looks go together, pretty much. Bryce: short black dress with a boat neck. I don’t know that it goes with sneakers. Kimberly: shorts, and a black top and jacket with snaps. It’s cute and casual. Danielle: black skirt? Shorts? I think it’s a skirt. And a turquoise tank top. Anthony Ryan: a loose poncho looking top and very loose shorts. It’s weird. Laura: a long vest, shorts, and a tight blue patterned tank top. The vest is kind of interesting, but the rest of the look is not that great. Also, I have to say, those shoes look weird in general. Bert: short black skirt and a sleeveless top with a wide boat neck. The outfit itself is not that bad, but the sneakers do not go. Josh M: black shorts, a tank, and a weird stringy vest. Eh. Becky: a tank top and a short skirt with a stripe up the side. The tank top is sporty enough. Anya: long dress in gray with a bright pink strip up the front. Is it a zipper? I can’t tell.

Heidi says within each team, there were good and bad looks, so there is no clear winner. Josh M. and Anthony Ryan and their teams get talked to first, and then the other two teams after. Interesting. Anthony Ryan explains his team’s outfits, and says that he and Laura worked well together, but Bert was off doing his own thing. Of course Anthony Ryan doesn’t like Bert’s look, but rather than saying “Bert stands behind his outfit because he likes it” he says “Bert wouldn’t listen to the two of us telling him how to fix things”. This devolves into an argument about whether or not Bert compromised at all, and he and Anthony Ryan call each other liars. I will say, when he worked with Viktor, he said Viktor had HIS story wrong. And now he says Anthony Ryan is lying. They can’t all be lying. Heidi points out that Anthony Ryan’s outfit sucks, which he knows, and Nina thinks he should have left Bert and worried about himself. Bert can’t resist putting his two cents in, and eventually Heidi says that Bert’s outfit is the only good outfit, even though it doesn’t fit the challenge either. Laura’s outfit is ugly too, and Bert is grinning and pumping his fists, and dude. You cannot call other people unprofessional and act superior if you do that. The three outfits don’t go together. Anthony Ryan says he liked working with Laura, anyway. Josh M. explains the outfits, and Heidi thinks he took his extra time to bedazzle the outfits. Heidi likes Anya’s maxi dress the best, that it goes well with the sneakers (because you can’t see them) and the back is cool. Kors thinks it’s jersey and too tailored. Heidi likes the top, but not the shredded vest. But Erin likes it? I think. Nina hates Becky’s, because the shirt is too short, skirt too tight, its back. Josh redeems himself a bit because he takes partial ownership of the outfit and says it’s not all Becky’s fault. Then he owns up to “a little…thing” and Kors wants to know the details, and Becky makes sure they know he didn’t trust her. Which he admits to. He says the top is all her, but the skirt is a group effort, and then Becky says “It was very hard to be on this team, because they shot down all my ideas and I was just a seamstress and not a designer”. Josh says he had the authority to tell her what to do. Their collection seemed to turn out better, anyway.

In the Scrap Bin, everyone sits around awkwardly until Anthony Ryan just lays it on the line and tells Bert he’s not easy to work with. Bert is not upset they don’t like him, because they’re two generations apart. He says everyone laughs at him when he says things, and Anthony Ryan brings up his behavior just now on the runway. Seriously. Viktor’s team split up some of the outfits, but Heidi likes Viktor’s the best. It’s the jacket that does it. They still hate Olivier’s skirt, but Josh C.’s T-shirt gets high praise. Overall, a good collection. Bryce’s dress is fantastic, with snaps on the side, that’s cool. Kors says it doesn’t look bad with sneakers, but I think it kind of does. The other two outfits were Kimberly and Danielle together, and it shows. The green tank top is a green silk with a black knit lining. Huh? Kors knows that will not work and is sloppy. Nina doesn’t understand the random color, because everything else is gray and black. The green would have been better under the jacket.

Kors doesn’t think that there was ever this much team drama in the history of the show. They probably has been. Usually it’s only one team, though. Anthony Ryan was responsible for a mess, and they seem to think he spent all his time fighting with Bert. As a result, his outfit was horrible, and the shorts! Weird loose shorts. Josh M.’s team had drama, but he picked the right team and directed every garment. They like Viktor’s team, except the long skirt. But the rest of the collection is urban. Bryce’s team did a fantastic job, they love Bryce’s dress and Kors thinks it would look great on a million girls, but I don’t know. The other two outfits and team members didn’t do so well. Danielle couldn’t deliver on her plans, and they’re already tired of chiffon from her. And they drop the word “sportswear” which does not include suits and dresses, which is what Heidi said to them. Dresses, maybe, but suits? Heidi and Nina fight over if Anthony Ryan was the worst, or if it was Danielle.

Heidi says they’re having trouble with the judging, and it’s Heidi’s challenge, and she’s been “changing the rules”, so now more twists. Viktor, you are the winner! Josh M., you are also the winner! Lame. Have one winner. Viktor’s dress and jacket will be sold, but it’s Anya’s maxi dress that is being produced from Josh’s team. He said he had a part in all the outfits, so I guess it counts? Both of them will have immunity next week. Becky, Anya, Olivier, and Josh C. are also all in. Josh M. is feeling great and thanking his team, except for the part where he calls Becky “Kimberly”. Bert is in. Laura is in. Kimberly is in. Bryce is in. Heidi says the decision was not unanimous. Anthony Ryan is in. Heidi rubs it in that if it was up to her, he would be out. Danielle is sad to leave, it seems mostly because she will miss everyone. Tim comes to get her and says he’s proud of everyone for being “truth telling” on the runway. She doesn’t think she did the worst, either.

Next week: children. Like, actual children. Also Olivier has glued his top to his model which is against the rules. Other than that I have no idea. Clicky clicky

Top Chef: Just Desserts 8/24/11--"Showpiece" summary

Do you think they can beat the crazy from last year? I’m not sure they can. Winner gets cash and prizes, as usual. Magazine article, some cookout, $100,000.

UPDATED: I came home and checked my DVR, and one of the later tapings had enough audio for me to fill in the gaps. (click for more)

Our judges are Gail Simmons, Johnny Iuzzini, Hubert Keller, and Dannielle Kyrillos (Editor-at-large of DailyCandy). Just as last year.

OK, can I just point out that when the caption in your bio says “Favorite Simple Fall Dessert Recipe”? It should be simple. Pecan and cashew pie with pumpkin ice cream, OK. Vanilla Basque cake with confit apples, apple cider sabayon with cinnamon candied walnuts? Not simple.

Chris Hanmer shows up to the boardwalk and orders a Coke. He is cute. He says he’s the youngest world champion pastry chef. Orlando Santos knows Chris, and he’s competed against him already. Nice. Nelson Paz has worked in 17 different kitchens. Craig has only run the pastry for his restaurant for a year. Sally Camacho was his teacher. Well that should be interesting. Rebecca Masson looks like Stephanie, season 4 Top Chef winner. Gail and Johnny show up, and Vanarin Kuch talks about how beautiful Gail is but Johnny’s eyes stare into your soul. And the first Quickfire starts now! They have to work in pairs, so pair up right now! Ha, awesome. Lina feels bad because no one would pair with Craig so she’s stuck with him. Gail talks about soda fountains and says they must go inside and make a dessert that “takes a soda fountain treat to the next level”. Johnny says a root beer float will not cut it. They have 30 minutes to make something. Winners get immunity.

Everyone runs inside to make soda fountain desserts. Matthew Peterson wants to keep it simple, and I have to say, Matthew looks very much like my friend Neil. (Kmanpat: “Oh gawd, that IS Neil. Hottie.) Katzie Guy-Hamilton is making an egg crème. Katzie? OK. Carlos is making a shake with Cap’n Crunch? Or that’s something he makes at his restaurant? Lina says she’s a good team player if the rest of the team knows what it’s doing. That…seems like a big “if”. She is thinking bananas and Elvis. Melissa Camacho says they don’t have soda shoppes in Haiti where she grew up, but she makes beautiful plates so she’s confident. What does that have to do with anything? Also I know Sally and Melissa have the same last name, but Melissa is Haitian, and Sally is Asian and also from L.A., so I’m pretty sure they’re not related. Amanda Rockman is worried that they’re using bananas, and everyone else is using bananas. She says she’s going to make pickled cherries and plan the rest of the dish around that. Everyone freaks out at the end, pretty much. Orlando says he would have done better by himself.

Chris and Sally: Chris is plating and his hands are shaking pretty badly. Sally notices and hopes he doesn’t screw up. Caramelized bananas, wafer crunch, white chocolate and butter pecan ice cream. Melissa and Vanarin: micro cake with shattered banana carpaccio and white sauce. Orlando and Megan: feuilletine, bruleed bananas, chocolate ice cream, and chocolate syrup. There’s chai spice there. Yum. Oo, garnished with a vanilla bean that you can’t eat. Carlos and Rebecca: “breakfast” milkshake, chocolate chip ice cream with bananas and Cap’n Crunch. Katzie and Matthew: chocolate egg cream with ile flottante. “Ile flottante” refers to the lemon poached meringue on top. Amanda and Nelson: chocolate sponge cake, pickled cherries and pistachios. Craig and Lina: almond crispies, raspberry sauce and butter pecan ice cream. Sadly Lina cannot answer how this is modern.

Orlando and Megan made a banana split, boring. Lina and Craig, even though Johnny is an Elvis fan, they did not step up a classic. So it was also boring. Carlos and Rebecca, had good flavor and texture. Amanda and Nelson had great presentation and flavor balance. Amanda and Nelson are the winners and have immunity. Gail sends them to the kitchen to meet her later.

For the Elimination challenge, Gail presents a shelf of old books. They must pick one but not open it, everyone except Amanda and Nelson. Each book contains one of four famous fairy tales. This will assign teams. Hee. Orlando has “Goldilocks”, along with Sally and Rebecca. It looks like the books are boxes, with inset pages with names. Not real books. Chris, Carlos, and Matthew are “Red Riding Hood”. Craig, Megan, and Katzie are “Jack and the Beanstalk”. Vanarin, Melissa, and Lina have “Hansel and Gretel”. Amanda and Nelson can pick their teams. Nelson doesn’t even know what fairy tales are, as he’s from Argentina. He picks Goldilocks, and Amanda picks Red Riding Hood. Each team will have to make a showpiece and two plated desserts. There is a fairy tale costume gala, with 150 guests. Man, showpieces are tricky. They have 6 hours now, and 4 hours tomorrow.

Planning happens for 30 minutes. For some reason, Carlos never heard of the end of the story, where the wolf gets cut open. Craig is talking about clouds and beanstalks. Nelson has to admit he doesn’t know the story he picked out. Rebecca wants to make rice pudding, for “porridge”, and Orlando thinks rice pudding is for old people. Then he laughs and says he has an evil laugh. The Hansel and Gretel team are probably going to make a gingerbread house. Lina wants to make cake for the showpiece, except that showpieces are usually sugar and chocolate, not cake. The rest of her team tries to talk her into a candy house, obviously, but she has been making cake for too long and refuses to consider other options.

Everyone gets to work on cooking and also showpieces, because those have to set up and molds must be made and all of that. Team Jack is making a beanstalk, of course, out of sugar. Chris is working on his team's showpiece while the other three do the desserts. He says Orlando is known for is showpieces, but Chris is going to make some sugar. Everyone else is using chocolate so he feels it will set him apart. Orlando is confident he can kick Chris’s butt. Melissa is annoyed at Lina because Lina is supposed to be working on the showpiece, but she’s busy trying to work on the desserts too, and put her two cents in. Orlando, who hated the rice pudding idea, tells Rebecca to use steel cut oats. While delicious, I don’t know that they won’t set up by tomorrow. Also the "rice pudding" = "porridge" was very cute. Literal porridge is not as fun. Sally has to redo some stuff. People hyperventilate. Megan and Katzie didn’t get everything done because they had to help Craig.

Megan and Katzie are freaking out even after they get back home. Mainly because Craig seems rusty on things like pulling sugar and drilling things. Megan tells us that tomorrow she and Katzie are taking over showpiece duties.

In the morning, Orlando bitches about Rebecca and apparently she’s whining too much. To be fair, she's worried about his stupid oat porridge setting up, or not setting up, so while she is whining that she didn't get to do what she wanted, I think she has a legitimate issue with the stuff not turning out right. Also Orlando's superiority is getting old. Team Jack is just now getting the showpiece together, and they manage to break one of the sugar tubes. To cover they just pull some sugar into a long strand so they have something. Lina says Melissa has been nothing but negative, as Melissa tells her she's not doing something. Apparently Melissa has been going on and on about how their showpiece is going to be lame. Team Jack is reduced to damage control for their showpiece. Melissa hates her team's showpiece so much she wants to kick the table to break it. Chris has been to busy with his showpiece and hasn't tasted his team's desserts.

A lot of Ren Faire costumes and whatnot. Oh, and Gail has a red cape on. Actually she looks great. Team Goldilocks has a chocolate showpiece with flowers and a chocolate house on a hill. Then at the top is a white chocolate mask with blonde “hair”. It’s cool looking. Almond bar and fruits of the forest, with honey ice cream. They also serve “Baby Bear’s porridge”, hot Rainier cherries, basil soup, and cherry sorbet. The cherries are too hot, and the sorbet is too cold. There is also New Mexico chilies in the hot cherries. That’s not a horrible idea.

Team Jack has a beanstalk, which is actually pretty, if not imposing. Johnny complains that the showpiece has a "back" where all the mistakes are, which would be fine if it was up against a wall or something instead of in the middle of the floor. Bergamot cloud, whipped lemon ricotta, sweet pea sorbet, and spiced golden syrup. Lots of ginger. The other dish is brown butter hazelnut cake, lemongrass stalk infused cream and passion fruit. Oo, they don't like the cake either.

Team Red Riding Hood: their showpiece includes a sugar Red Riding Hood, which looks excellent. Rose scented bombolini, coconut tapioca, and red berry gelee. The strawberry consommé is in a little dropper thing, and the rose is because she was picking flowers in the woods. The second dish is supposed to represent the wolf: blackout sponge cake, cocoa nib nougatine, poached cherries, and micro basil.

Team Hansel have a showpiece with a little house and people. But the house is boring. There’s no candy or anything. Butterscotch brioche, goat cheese mousse, and smoked pineapple. Also they serve chocolate cloud, milk sherbet, and hibiscus apple seltzer. Stupid, there should be a candy gingerbread house. And I'm not sure how their dishes go with their story.

Commercial interlude: Melissa is super embarrassed by her showpiece and promises to fight.

Ah, the Stew Room. Fun stuff. Craig knows he didn't do very well today. Gail collects teams Red and Goldilocks, who are the winners. The judges loved Team Red's dessert flavors, and how their showpiece was constructed with a great sense of balance. Nelson made Team Goldilock's showpiece, and their desserts went very well with their story. The winners are Team Red. Orlando, of course, thinks he should have won and declares he's winning next time. Gail sends them to collect the losers.

Team Hansel should have covered the showpiece in candy. Lina says her opinion is that it's a witch's house, so it shouldn't look like a gingerbread house? The hell? Did you read the story. Melissa throws Lina under the bus and tells the judges she wanted a candy house, and she told Lina that many times. Lina tries to defend herself, but Melissa tells everyone that Lina wanted to do cake. Lina LIES and says she never said that. You just dug your own grave, girl. The chocolate cloud dish didn't have any crunch or texture. Lina's dish was supposed to be light and airy, but it was not. At least I think so. The sound went out. Craig jacked up his showpiece and he knows he should have admitted he had no idea what he was doing. Also Team Jack had too much ginger in their plated dessert.

Team Jack's showpiece ended up prettier. But their desserts were unbalanced, and Craig was out of his element. It seems unanimous that making a showpiece out of cake was a bad idea. Lina is back in the Stew Room saying how much work she did. Melissa's dessert wasn't that great, but they feel she at least tried to make the showpiece better. Vanarin should have tried to save his team.

Hansel and Gretel and Jack in the Beanstalk are on the bottom. In the end, Lina is sent home. She’s kind of embarrassed, and says Melissa threw her under the bus and she’s pissed. She’s dedicated and talented, and didn’t have enough time.

This season: Beastie Boys, Willy Wonka, someone is a sugar hooker, drama, of course.
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Project Runway 8/18/11--"All About Nina" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make outfits for stilt walkers. Wouldn’t you assume this meant costumes? I would also. However the judges wanted “real” clothing, and eventually Laura won and Fallene went home. Of course, this was a team challenge and there was some drama, but not a lot from Cecilia, who, if you’ll remember, said when she was cast that she would bring the drama. And yet, nothing. Really, it was Bert and Viktor, and yes, Viktor was rude to make faces when he knew he was paired with Bert, but it certainly looked like he at least pretended to try to get along. Bert was just snippy and then threw Viktor under the bus, even though he had designed half the outfit and insisted on his fabric that was ugly. Bryce was kind of a jerk too, but apparently cutting fabrics on the grain is really a thing that everyone should know how to do. I guess in all the previous seasons of the show every single person knew how to do it so it was never mentioned. (click for more)

Cecilia has confidence. Bryce says he has to bring it. Viktor knows the judges have a bad impression of him so he has to bring it also.

Heidi says they have to design for a client. Who knows a lot. Whatever, we already know it’s Nina. It’s about damn time. She says she’ll be very tough, obviously. It also has to be a day-to-night look: work during the day, and an “industry event” at night. She describes her style as “classic with an edge” and says she likes streamlined, clean, tailored things. No volume, no pleats, no loud patterns or colors. Bryce is like, what DO you like? Streamlined and tailored, weren‘t you listening? Also, haven’t you ever watched this show? The prize for this challenge is bragging rights and also you get your look to be in a Marie Claire ad that is for some reason being put on top of taxi cabs. Nina will get a consultation with each one before they go shopping.

30 minutes to sketch. They also have desktop computers with portfolios on them. Everyone seems to be a mixture of excited and frightened. Anya is particularly freaking out because she uses a lot of pattern and color. Julie talks about having a second chance.

Consultation time. Anya has a jumpsuit. Nina likes Viktor’s dress and hates Bryce’s cowl. She tells Danielle to make her a blouse. I think Nina has a favorite! Maybe. Kimberly wants to make a dress to get away from pants, I guess because she feels like she’s being “known for pants”, and Nina is like “Make me some of your awesome pants!” Nina tells Cecilia her dress is OK but the jacket is a lot and also “Dynasty”. Cecilia knows she can’t convince Nina Garcia to change her mind. Tim comes in and says “Don’t bore Nina!” and also don’t all buy gray.

$200 and 30 minutes at Mood. Anya is buying a silk with a subtle print, all in mustard. Becky discovers she and Anthony Ryan have picked out the same fabric. Cecilia seems freaked out, as the fabrics she had picked out originally were too expensive.

Anya wants to win and not just be safe. Josh reassures her that Nina has great skin and the color will be great. Julie jokes that she thought this would be a cruise. She starts talking about fashion school, which is not a good sign for her. Cecilia praises her personality and says she’s an artist and is such a nice person. Anthony Ryan and Josh gossip in the corner about how Becky has the same fabric as Anthony Ryan and he tries to make it seem like she stole it off his table or something. It’s kind of a fail in terms of gossip, as it fails to make me care. Cecilia discovers her fabric is gray, not purple like she thought it was in Mood. Viktor explains how to use muslin to make a mock-up of your garment, because it’s easier to change it.

Tim time! And Nina! Danielle’s green jacket sketch was “hard and soft” but now the actual jacket is “soft and soft”. She says it’s not pressed, but Nina is not impressed. Danielle tries to change it, and offer options to Nina, but Nina just says “No” to everything. Julie’s collar is too big. She seems in better shape that Danielle, or at least Nina likes the muslin better. Tim reminds her that she’s always confident and sometimes she should not be. Nina sees Anya’s fabric and asks if there’s a Plan B. Oo. Anya admits she does not. Josh for some reason asks Nina if she wears a bra. There is more drama about the stupid fabric. Olivier is “old fashioned”. Bryce may have a very short skirt. Bert for some reason has a plunging V. Viktor gets some actual useful suggestions. Cecilia has the gray and a sad beige. Kimberly has a completely blue outfit with gold shoulders. I don’t know. Nina basically tells her it’s like a prison jumpsuit, but then she and Tim backpedal and tell her it’s Kimberly’s decision as a designer. In parting Nina says the winning look will also be in an editorial in the magazine.

Kimberly starts talking about the people she’s lost, and how it hasn’t broken her, which confuses me because didn’t we hear about Julie’s life too? Josh suggests to Anya that she dye her print, and then we get a close-up shot of said “print”--which is a herringbone yellow on yellow. I wouldn’t classify that as crazy at all, but whatever. She just hopes it turns out. Anthony Ryan gets to call his fiancé Matthew on Skype. Anthony Ryan says they’ve been together for 2 ½ years as if that is FOREVER but maybe it is for him.

Model fitting. Anthony Ryan discovers his model’s bra is already padded so it probably isn’t getting any bigger. Cecilia hates her fabrics but she has to make something. Julie is feeling her lack of sewing experience. At the end of the day, I think she’s pretty far from finished.

In the morning, no one seems confident or happy about anything. Cecilia says her model has huge nipples. Yeah. Tim comes in to give everyone their 2 hours, but not one single person is in the workroom. He has to come find everyone in the sewing room and tell them he‘s sweating through his suit, he‘s so nervous. Bryce finds that he’s screwed up his garment. Becky thinks Anya’s lack of skills is going to show up sooner or later. Viktor managed to make a lined skirt. Cecilia’s garment is not lying flat so she cuts off a strap. She seems to have given up. Julie is very far from finishing, so Cecilia helps her. Someone uses glue. Laura decides to help Anya, although she manages to talk about it in confessional in a condescending way. Viktor tries to imply this is cheating, although I’m pretty sure no one else cares.

In addition to Nina and Kors, Joanna Coles and Kerry Washington are here. Joanna doesn’t mess around, you guys. Josh: sheath dress that is gray with a coral border. The back is all coral, with an exposed zipper that goes the length of the dress, and two triangular cutouts. That’s nice and all, but I don’t think she’d wear it. Bert: little black dress. A low V with a cowl, I think, and the skirt has a slit up the front. Eh. Olivier: top and pants in shades of gray. The pants look cropped, and the jacket has a panel that goes around the middle, so it looks like one of those belts people wear when they lift heavy loads. I don’t know. Anthony Ryan: short brown skirt, and a sleeveless vest in the fabric he shares with Becky, which is sort of a black speckling to gray. There is a v-neck with lapels and a thin belt. Actually it’s not bad, although the skirt is pretty short. Becky: v-neck dress with diagonal lengths of fabric, in dark brown and gray, and the speckled fabric is in the skirt. Oh, of course the two people who have the same fabric walked one right after the other. Kimberly: gold sleeveless top, with an asymmetrical hem and a keyhole, and dark blue pants that look pretty fantastic.

Cecilia: one shouldered dress in gray and beige. It is boring and nothing Nina would wear. Anya: brown pantsuit, sleeveless with an exposed back and capri-length pants and a weird collar. Danielle: emerald blouse with elbow sleeves, and dark pants. Julie: dress with small lapels, in two shades of gray and a light orange. It’s all pieced together strangely, somehow. I think it was supposed to be a coat dress. Bryce: long sleeved dress which is pretty short and also the hem is jacked up. It’s navy with a panel of dark blue down the front. Laura: shiny green dress, with cap sleeves that have straps somehow. The skirt is not full, but bell-shaped (it stands out from her hips but that’s all the volume) and at the bottom of the skirt are two sheer bands. Viktor: black dress with pointy shoulders. The rest is fitted, and there is an exposed zipper on the back.

Danielle, Kimberly, Anya, Viktor, Julie, and Cecilia are the top and bottom. Bert says he thinks Olivier has a good chance…as Olivier is sitting next to him in the Scrap Bin. Viktor wanted to keep it simple, and Nina loves that it’s separates. Viktor kisses ass a little bit, and everyone tells him how great it is. Julie talks about the collar she got rid of, but Nina tells her she didn’t think the neck opening was so wide before. Kors calls it a housecoat. Joanna says if Nina showed up to work in this dress she’d fire her. Cecilia knows she is in the bottom. Kors hates the fabric, it’s not a daytime look, sad fabrics. Kimberly’s choice to make the gold top instead of blue was the right choice. They love her pants, but they look to me like the crotch doesn’t fit right. Joanna says the top is the kind of top that “transforms your life”. Uh huh. But she also says she’d wear it if Nina won’t, so that’s good. Anya explains how she dyed her fabric so it wasn’t mustard. Nina is thrilled at how it turned out. They bring up again how she only just learned how to sew. Danielle wished she had a fabric that was more sheer. Kors is bored and says it’s 80’s. Nina admits she tried to steer Danielle and that Danielle had to improvise. It’s not the outfit for Nina, and it makes Joanna think Danielle is depressed.

Back in the Scrap Bin, Viktor stews that Anya didn’t tell the judges she had a ton of help to sew her garment. He says he didn’t say anything because it’ll come out later. Danielle’s design was ambitious and Nina tried to warn her but it didn’t work. It’s not fashion editor enough. Cecilia’s dress was terrible and she gave up. The judges all hate her attitude. Julie had an idea but it turned into a mess. Plus it’s not day-to-evening. Heidi points out Julie has made bad clothes every week. Viktor’s dress was sharp and clean, but not boring. They love Anya’s jumpsuit, and Nina praises her recovery from not having a Plan B to having a great Plan B, apparently. Kimberly’s outfit was powerful, Nina could put a jacket over it, pants, etc.

Nina wastes no time telling Kimberly she is the winner. AND she gets immunity. She’s so thrilled. Viktor and Anya are in. Danielle is in. Cecilia is in. see? They talked about Julie’s fashion school and life. Then she was eliminated. Cecilia gets backstage and says she feels bad because she knows Julie really wants to be there, and that she wouldn’t have minded going home instead. Laura pounces on this and asks her if she told the judges that, and pretty much tells her that she should have quit and gone home so Julie could stay. That’s harsh, but I’m not sure why Cecilia brought it up at all. Julie is kind of surprised, but not emotionally crushed. She seems OK.

Kimberly goes to Marie Claire, where Nina is wearing her outfit, and it looks fantastic. Nina says she has a book signing and a party after work, and she’s just going to change jewelry. Kimberly leaves and gets picked up in a cab with the “ad” on it, which is a shot of Nina from the waist up, arms folded so you can’t see the top that well, and no mention of Kimberly.

Next time: physical activity! Race winners get to be team captains! Olivier needs medical help, team challenge so everyone is bitchy, things suck. Clicky clicky