Project Runway 7/28/11--"Come As You Are" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Jeez, it was a long time ago. But I do think I remember being dissatisfied with the winner. Did you know there are going to be 20 contestants when we start? TWENTY. Too many. (click for more)

Oh, yes, “Road to the Runway” or whatever. DVR info, please do not force shit like “behind the seams” on me. Tim pretends we don’t know the process of casting, and have never seen the other “Road to the Runway” specials. There are crazy people with jacked-up clothes, or no clothes, or whatever nonsense. Also people who do menswear, and bring menswear to their audition. Even though there have been a grand total of 3 menswear challenges (the outfit for Tiki Barber, and the two “makeover your fellow designers” challenges). It looks like Seth Aaron, Leanne, Nick, Mondo, Laura Bennet, and Daniel Franco (!) got to interview people. Some girl who only wears clothes she makes and hates everything everyone else does. The producer pretends they didn’t cast her for drama. Very young girl. Snowboarder. I mean…they set up interviews where each designer could talk about how awesome they were and how they wouldn’t get along with certain people, which people were promptly shown onscreen. It’s just asking for drama, and when you spend as much time letting people brag or talk about their sob stories as you do showing their clothes, that makes me nervous. These are the producers/network people who thought advertisements with a naked Heidi Klum would be the best way to reach their target audience. It also makes for a long recap and you’ll meet these people later. And they’re getting rid of four people the first episode so why waste time on them now? Also why are some people getting a “Yes” and some people “a strong Maybe”? Is that a spoiler? Whatever, I’m not rewinding.

Jesus. This show has been on for ten years. TEN. I know because Serena auditioned ten years ago and was turned down. I suppose this is season 9 after all.

For some reason we’re to believe the top 20 designers were forced to hoof it through New York, carrying their clothes and wandering about. These 20 will have to present to Tim, Heidi, Kors, and Nina. When everyone gets to…wherever they are, they unpack their clothes and pretend they aren’t checking everyone else out. Kimberly is up first. She says she works out in a sequined tank top. I see. Bryce, who is a gay Mormon like Keith was, has a feathered cape. Which Heidi tries on. Anya was Miss Trinidad. She says she didn’t learn how to sew until she applied to be on the show. Huh? The judges don’t buy it. They scrutinize her clothes, because they certainly don’t look like the work of a person who just learned how to sew. She does admit she had a lot of help, and everyone but Heidi wants to get rid of her. Kors points out that they’ll know if she can cut it after the first challenge. Becky feels old (she is 38). Her clothes have bright linings. Olivier is told by Heidi that he could model his clothes. Then she wants to wave him through because he’s cute and has an English accent. Who let her do this? She seems extra flighty. Josh C., who is another Mormon, would rather be broke than work in banking. Laura is from St. Louis, so I guess I should be like “what what!” but she explained in her audition video that they should cast her because they need a “spoiled city girl”, so I don’t like her. Kors makes a heinous comment about Midwesterners not liking color. Honey I have plenty of color. Nina says something disparaging and Laura’s response is just shy of an argument, but they move on so I guess it doesn’t matter.

David is nervous, and Nina thinks he is one-note. Viktor has a white top. That is all we see of Viktor. Julie, who is a snowboarder, seems to have only outerwear that is made of blankets and those multi-colored striped Mexican serapes. Amanda’s favorite piece is a romper/skort thing. Apparently she hates rompers, but is making a collection and rompers are popular, so she made one and then the bottom is a skort. Fallene has a dress of feathers, but is more into menswear-for-women. Gunnar…OK, his name is Gunnar Deatherage. But then when he talks he sounds like Christian, only higher pitched. Yeah. Danielle has made a whole line of sheer clothing. Josh M. says he has menswear but it will totally translate, mainly because it seems to be club wear. Cecilia is the woman who made it clear she will bring drama. Heidi calls her on it and says she’s showing more of her story than her fashion. Rafael has interesting lines, and thinks Nina is giving him the eye. No. Serena has a romper too. I know those were in, but seriously. Bert is 57, but introduces himself as being 102. And the chyron first lists 102 as his age. He’s designed for some big names, too. Anthony is wearing a tank top and a scarf. That Heidi wants. Also I would like to give MAD props to TLo for predicting this season’s Crier. Just to add another level of difficulty, Anthony is colorblind.

The judges deliberate but we don’t hear any names in the soundbites of their comments. Lots of interviews with designers about how nervous they are. Heidi and Tim come in and start making cuts. Fallene, Danielle, Rafael, and Kimberly are in. Viktor, Bryce, Becky, Olivier, Laura (see now I‘m not listening because obviously these people are in), Anthony, and Julie are also in. Josh M. is in. David is out. He seems pretty dazed, and talks about his elimination as if there’s no way he can become a designer except be on this show. You can be a designer without being on reality TV. Gunnar is out too. He is much calmer about it, maybe because he‘s only 21. Josh C. is in. Amanda is out. She is tearfully optimistic about her future. Anya is in. Bert is in. Serena is out, which means Cecilia is in. Oh, when it was down to those two you know Cecilia was in. They made too much of a stink about her drama. Serena is upset because she postponed her wedding to come here.

Now Heidi invites them all to toast, and for once she is not pregnant so I assume she has some champagne. They are back at Atlas! Yay! Tim tells them to unpack and settle in, because “you never know what’s waiting for you on Project Runway”. Sorry, foreshadowing.

Everyone moves in and gets settled. Laura pretends to be upset that everyone thinks she’s Barbie. Look, I know I’m being hard on her, but you can’t go to your audition and say “You should cast me because you need a spoiled pretty city girl” and then get upset when people think you’re Barbie. “Oh I’ve got a bite! I‘m not sweet!” Whatever. Everyone goes to bed, eventually.

At 5am Tim lets himself into the apartments to wake everyone up. Hee. He’s super nice about it, unlike on “Hell’s Kitchen” where they make as much noise as possible. He says to wake up right now for the “Project Runway Come As You Are Party”. Everyone has to grab one sheet from their bed (LAME, you’ll see) and come downstairs. They are not allowed to put on bras. Yeah…that would not be OK for me. Tim makes them walk the streets in pajamas and sheets. Nice. On the tour are Bryant Park, Red Lobster (Andre! Hee!), Times Square, and finally Parsons. Their first challenge: use your pajamas and the sheet from your bed to make an outfit. See? I was hoping for someone to sleep naked, and then be totally screwed. Plus, what if you were a girl and you slept in shorts and a camisole? What are you going to make from that? But if you have a sheet, then you can make anything. That’s why it’s kind of lame. On the other hand, I suppose you can’t have a bunch of mostly naked models. I know I saw someone wake up with no shirt, but I can’t see who that is now. Guess they threw on a shirt. In the lounge are notions and also fabric dye. They have until 10pm (so…over 12 hours). Tim throws a “Make it work!” over his shoulder as he leaves.

Josh C. points out that he’s not wearing anything classy but he does have a lot of it as he is bigger than the average model. Fallene is wearing a T-shirt with a graphic of a clown puking a rainbow. She is convinced she must use this graphic. Laura of course is wearing pink satin pajamas. Bert is using his boxers. Heh. Cecilia is dyeing things and kind of freaking out. Actually, a lot of people are dyeing and not doing well. Anya doesn’t get the color she wants, I don’t think. Then there is a shot of her threading the sewing machine, complete with ominous music. She pretty much admits she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Now you can see why Nina and Tim were so hesitant to send her through. Julie has bright pink pants with candy and bows on them. Not great. Anya, on top of not being that great at working the sewing machine, is making pants. She’s never made pants before. First of all, pants are something you should know how to make before you come here. It’s like going on Survivor and not knowing how to start a fire. Second, why would you do something like that? Make something you know!

Tim time! Anthony wants to have a “cluster” of feathers on his model’s crotch. Yeah. Tim seems to talk him out of it, and then he calls Tim “Mr. Gunn” which is cute. Fallene had yoga pants and her T-shirt with the puking clown. You know Tim is disturbed. Rafael cuts her some slack: “You know some people can’t help what they sleep in.” Josh C. has three pieces, including some shorts that will hopefully fit. Julie has a lot of work but much confidence. Bert has a titscrepancy going on. Kimberly gets a horrified “Aah!” Josh M. is asked to lower the skirt, which means exposed belly, and says she’ll look like “a 50 cent hooker”. Tim agrees. Anya is very ambitious. Rafael is “waiting” to finish his top until he sees it on the model. Then he’ll figure out what he wants it to look like. Tim points out that his do-rag is his most interesting textile, and he’s kept that firmly on his head. He interviews that he doesn’t want to take it off now because his hair is a hot mess and he doesn’t want to look homeless. Tim levels with him: Rafael was almost sent home yesterday so he better not make the judges second-guess themselves. Tim says he felt Rafael needed a dose of “Tim Gunn medicine”. Oh, I think there are plenty of people who would like a dose of Tim Gunn Medicine. (Kmanpat: “Yes please!”) All of Tim’s discussions with people are cut with shots of other designers looking around. First of all, I doubt they’re all eavesdropping all the time. Second, they can’t possibly all hear every consultation. I’m not fooled, Lifetime.

With two and a half hours left, the models come in. Josh says his model’s measurements were wrong so things are tight. Olivier discovers his model is Italian, and since he spent some time in Italy they chat for a minute in Italian. Laura interrupts to ask if they are “speaking foreign”. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m ashamed she’s from where I am from. Anya is very far behind.

In the morning there is frantic working. Tim has a lovely gray pinstripe suit, with a checkered shirt in a light orange and a grayish blue tie. He looks very dapper, is all. They have 2 hours to finish. Rafael still has to figure out his do-rag. At least he doesn’t do like Kristin and refuse to cut it up. That hot makeup guy with the mustache is back.

Heidi says they will eliminate one person today. She pretends only 3 people will show at Fashion Week, but we all know that never happens, plus they either just finished filming this week or are still filming. Plus I can count, so if Fashion Week is in September, and it’s the end of July now, that equals too damn many decoys. Guest judge today is Cristina Ricci. Josh M.: black dress with a short skirt and white vest. I think she has a belt maybe? The back of the vest is a deep V, and from here it looks like he just pinned the bottom parts together. Laura: wide legged pants in a mottled gray and white, and a purple camisole and vest. So I guess the pants were from her bathrobe, but where are the peach silk pants she was wearing? It’s cute, I guess. Danielle: aqua shorts and a two-toned long sleeved brown shirt. It looks pretty good. Laura comments that she wants to steal the model, and I’m not sure if she meant for Danielle to hear her, but Danielle just says “We’ll see”. Nice. Viktor: a white shirtdress with black side panels and shoulder panels. It looks very good. Becky: one shouldered sheath dress with a slight A-line in the skirt. The fabric is aqua (Becky says she wanted it darker) with a dark gray strip down the front from her yoga pants. Bryce: black miniskirt and an off-the-shoulder top with bell sleeves, in a grayish-purple color. That skirt is pretty short. Anya: wide legged pants and a cropped top with a V neckline. The top has the print from her pajamas, and the pants are weirdly bunching at her crotch. Julie: loose pants in gray, and a one-shouldered top. The pants are from the sheet, and the top is two parts: top is the yellow shirt, and bottom is the pink pajama pants with the candy and bows. At least the dividing line is on the diagonal.

Olivier: brown skirt and a gray long sleeved top. It looks like he just sort of pinned the top together instead of using buttons, or a zipper, or something. If he sewed it, it’s crooked. It’s almost a suit jacket, but not really. Kimberly: white pants that are mostly OK, a band of light green from her nightie, and a top that is basically a giant bib. It really is, like two wings over her boobs. It’s stiff and it looks terrible. Anthony: very short green skirt, where the sides are green but the center in the front and in the back is black lace, and a black and white striped tank top. The top is nice but man, is that skirt short. Rafael: gray leggings, a white vest with a little triangle of stomach showing and a cutout on the back, and a necklace-looking collar made from his do-rag. Actually I like the necklace. Fallene: black and white striped dress with a halter top. The stripes are irregular, and there is a yellow belt. And of course, the puking clown. Bert: very short dress, mostly in a sort of putty non-color, with one side of the bodice in light checks that used to be boxers. The skirt is asymmetrical also, but not enough to be able to tell if it was done on purpose. Josh C.: white shorts that have a weird balloon around her waist, an orange sleeveless top, and a white sleeveless bolero with a hood. Cecilia: orange bubble skirt with a banded hem, pink vest, and a strapless top. When the model turns around her skirt is about to ride all the way up her ass.

Heidi calls out Anthony Ryan, Rafael, Josh C., Anya, Bert, and Julie as the top and the bottom. Kimberly is safe? Pff. Danielle bitches that “safe” is “not good enough”. Anthony Ryan (Heidi keeps saying both names so I guess that’s how he wants it?) started with a tank and shorts, and Heidi likes the final transformation. Kors likes the way the colors go together, which would be impressive for someone who is colorblind…except his outfit is green, black, and gray. They liked his use of the notions. Rafael’s leggings have some pleating, which only looks so-so. But the back of his vest has curvy pleats, like fish scales. Heidi doesn’t hesitate and calls the necklace a “bib”, which, it’s not that big. Kors says “Flintstone disco pouch” and Nina says it looks tight and dated. Cristina is nice and says the top is interesting. Julie wanted her pants to look like snow pants. Heidi says she loved all of Julie’s clothes at casting, but this is just bad. Cristina says the shirt is “charming” but she wouldn’t wear it. And there is elastic on the sides of the pants. There’s also a zippered pocket on the front of the pants, instead of on the side, and Kors calls it “an ‘I-like-myself’ kind of pocket.” Hee. Anya’s pants are deemed good, even though they bunch weird, and everyone likes her outfit. Weird. Yeah, the pants make her butt look great, but the front! Bert was trying to make his clothes more interesting, per the comments from the judges before. Heidi loves it. Huh? I…OK. Kors says he hates the styling, though. Josh C. also has a crazy pant issue going on. Between the waistband and the crotch, the fabric bunches out like the model has a tummy pooch. Anya’s pants had it too. Josh’s top has a weird panel in the front, and he admits this is where he had to put the extra fabric because he made the top too small. They seem to hate the top. He says he wishes someone had told him his outfit sucked, and Kors says it’s not up to them to tell him anything. Nina says this is a design competition, and he’s shown them white shorts and a tank top.

Back in the Scrap Bin Josh C. immediately falls into Bryce’s arms for comforting. Mormons stick together, I guess. He seriously is shaken to the core about his criticism. Kors claims their sheets are made from crappy fabric that will never dye and never sew properly. Kors. It is a white bed sheet. It’s pretty much the best fabric they will get aside from muslin. Josh C. put the seams and panels in the worst possible place. However, Rafael’s outfit was just as bad. Cristina tries to save him, but it doesn’t seem to work, and Nina says he doesn’t understand he had a problem. Julie’s print is a problem, and Cristina tries to say she should have dyed it. Nina is more concerned with the pants. Anya’s pants are still praised, even though I CAN CLEARLY SEE THE BUNCHING. I know they didn’t mention the bunching on Josh’s shorts either, but seriously. Kors admits Anya had skills. Nina loves Anthony Ryan’s shirt. Bert’s dress was so great Cristina never noticed the dated styling.

Bert is the winner. Maybe I’m not getting it. He will get immunity. Bryce admits he underestimated Bert based on age. Anya is in. Anthony Ryan is in. Julie is in. Josh C. is in. That means Rafael is out. He’s going to fight for himself and keep going.

This season: shopping at a discount pet store, Nina in the workroom, outdoor runway, Tim jogging (!), models with exposed buttcheeks, glue, fights, lots of crying, Tim is concerned, medical attention. Anthony Ryan says “I haven’t been this pissed since I had cancer” which I think is a low card to play. It’s the usual. Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 11, 5/8/11

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on What’s Zermatter With You?, teams continued racing through Switzerland. Zev and Justin dug their way into a hole, literally, but got out of it simply because after eighteen seasons, racers still cannot read the clues! So, Kent and Vyxsin were eliminated instead. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
2nd – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
3rd – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies
4th – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers

Swiss Cabin, Intersection of Mittagstadel and Mürini, Zermatt, Switzerland

7:12 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (1st)
Clue: Fly to Rio de Janiero, Brazil! Once there, take a taxi to the Santa Teresa Tram and use it to get to the Escaderia Selaron. Find one of the tiles on the staircase that says Route Info to get your next clue.
Flight Time: “The women in Rio could also be men.” (Toyouke: “"Check the neck". Sigh.)

7:15 AM Kisha/Jen (2nd)
7:18 AM Gary/Mallory (3rd)
7:31 AM Zev/Justin (4th)

Teams arrive at the train to Zurich in the following order:

1- Flight Time/Big Easy
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Zev/Justin

All teams get on the same train to Zurich and arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Zev/Justin
4- Flight Time/Big Easy

And then Kisha and Jen started running through the terminal. Big Easy: "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm with the idiots who are running.” (Toyouke: “Were they all just going to walk until the girls started running? No one was going to try to get ahead? Interesting.”) Teams vie for flights. The Globetrotters and Zev and Justin find a flight that lands at 7:30 am, while the other teams find one first that’s ten hours later. (Toyouke: “That is a huge lead. Good for Justin and Zev for tagging along. They at least know they're even with one team.“) But Big Easy gives away the secret. (Toyouke: “Big Easy, if you were a better liar you'd still have your lead.”)

Teams then all get on the same flight to Rio. So, the Amazing Red Line takes us there, and the teams arrive in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Zev/Justin
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Gary/Mallory

Teams then make their way to the tram station and arrive in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Zev/Justin
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – (Auburnium0513: “Oh, Globetrotters, they don't speak Spanish in Brazil, they speak Portuguese.”)

Due to traffic issues, the Globetrotters miss the first tram to the top, and have to wait 30 minutes for the next one. (Toyouke: “I am super entertained by everyone on the tram being agitated and trying to leave.”) Thus, teams find the tile at the Escaderia in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Flight Time/Big Easy

On the tile, teams read that their next destination is the Largo de San Francisco da Paula and to search for their next clue near Rua Sacadura Cabral. Teams taxi there and arrive in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Flight Time/Big Easy

Once they arrive, teams get the tenth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s not afraid of shaking in their boots?

In this roadblock, one team member must dress in a Carnival outfit and learn the Samba. They must then lead their troupe through the streets and get approved in order to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “I was wondering how they would justify women's Carnival costumes vs. men's Carnival costumes. But I guess that answers my question.” Auburnium0513: “Kmanpat, this roadblock has your name ALL over it!” Kmanpat: “I demand a better costume.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Zev – who can’t really dance. (Toyouke: “Oh, if that girl can do this dance, in 3-inch heels, on cobblestones, then I think you can figure it out, ZEV.” Auburnium0513: “Zev's lack of dancing ability could be the Globetrotter's saving grace...”)
2- Mallory
3- Kisha
4- Big Easy

After much sambaing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Zev/Justin – (Toyouke: “Poor Zev. I appreciate their strategy of evening out the Roadblocks going into the final episode, though.”)
4- Flight Time/Big Easy

Teams are now instructed to travel to Copacabana and find Centro de Orientação Profissional Salon to get their next clue. (Kmanpat and Auburnium0513: “Down at the Copa, Copa Cabana...”) Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Zev/Justin

Once teams rip open the clue, they must prepare for “the ultimate rip and read”: teams must endure 15 minutes each of Brazilian Waxing to get their next clue. I felt bad for Zev and Justin.

Teams got waxed, and 15 minutes later, got their clue in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Flight Time/Big Easy – (Toyouke: “Of course the Globetrotters are flirting as they are getting waxed.”)
4- Zev/Justin – who are the hairiest, but are done after the allotted 15 minutes. (Toyouke: “Wait...time ran out and they're just going to leave with their jacked-up manscaping?” Auburnium0513: “Poor Justin looks so goofy!”)

At that point, we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
On The Rocks OR On the Beach
*On The Rocks: Teams travel to the Espacio X bar on Copacabana beach and follow a recipe to make 100 caiphirinas. Once complete, the bartender will give them their next clue.
*On The Beach: Teams go to Copacabana beach and get an umbrella with bikini tops and a portable changing room. They must then comb the beach to sell the bikinis and get the purchasers to wear them and earn about $60 to get their next clue from the proctor.

(Toyouke: “So, what you're telling me is, in Rio people buy new bikini tops from random people on the beach. Also, we're making drinks. There is no way I would pick selling bikinis over making drinks.”)

1- Gary/Mallory choose On The Rocks
2- Kisha/Jen choose On The Rocks
3- Flight Time/Big Easy choose On The Rocks
4- Zev/Justin choose On the Beach – but they Bald Snark to On The Rocks when they couldn’t convince a single lady to buy one. (Auburnium0513: “He speaks an impressive amount of Spanish.“) Toyouke: “She doesn't understand because Brazilians speak PORTUGESE. “ Auburnium0513: “I believe that is the killer bald snark...”) They should have modeled.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Zev/Justin

Teams get their clue and find that they must now travel across town to Niteroi and find the Niteroi Contemporary Art Museum, the PIT STOP of the eleventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Gary/Mallory – who win an eleven night cruise for two of the Mediterranean.
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Zev/Justin

And Zev and Justin are eliminated. Sad times. They were fun.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Gary/Mallory
2nd – Kisha/Jen
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy

Next: Three teams race for the finish line! In Florida! With Mermaids! Until next time!
Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 10, 5/1/11

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Do You Know the Way Through Liechtenstein?, teams raced from Salzburg to Switzerland via Liechtenstein. The cowboys fell behind when Jet made a mistake in his measurements of a tiny country, and Zev and Justin prevailed at eating cheese to come in first. The Globetrotters made wise use of a U-Turn to prevent the cowboys from eliminating them, resulting in the elimination of our beloved cowboys. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers
2nd – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
3rd – Kent/Vyxsin, Team Goth
4th – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies
5th – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters

Moos Restaurant, Zermatt, Switzerland

6:54 AM Zev/Justin (1st)
Clue: Make you way to the Zermatt Air Rescue Helicopter Port. Once there, sign up for a helicopter flight to an unknown destination. Helicopters leave at five minute intervals. You have $1 for this leg of the race.

(Toyouke: “Oo, only 5 minute intervals for the bunching?”)

7:02 AM Kisha/Jen (2nd)
8:00 AM Kent/Vyxsin (3rd) Vyxsin: “We wore extra glitter to match the snow.” (Toyouke: “GOD. I hope that little bit of interview about how awesome they are is foreshadowing.”)
8:18 AM Gary/Mallory (4th)
8:43 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (5th)

Teams arrive at the heliport in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Kent/Vyxsin – after having major issues getting a taxi. (Toyouke: “Is it bad I am so entertained by the Goths' trouble getting a taxi?”)
5- Flight Time/Big Easy

Teams arrive and get ready to depart on their helicopters a few hours later.

Once they prepare, we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Search OR Rescue
*Search: Teams fly to a glacier and brave the wind in order to use a training beacon to find a dummy buried in the snow. Once located, dig it up in order to get their next clue.
*Rescue: Teams fly to a crevasse and use a rescue device to send one team member down to find a trapped climber. The other member works the pulley in order to get both people out of the crevasse in order to get the clue.

Phil: "Use the device to find a dummy." (Toyouke: “Please someone make fun of their partner.”)

(Auburnium0513: “Hell, I don't like either one of those task options. Do you have to pick your task before getting on the helicopter? That will make bald snarking much more difficult.”)

1- Zev/Justin choose Search
2- Kisha/Jen choose Rescue
3- Gary/Mallory choose Search – (Auburnium0513: “Ha! You broke your avalanche victim! I shouldn't find that so entertaining, but I do!”)
4- Kent/Vyxsin choose Rescue – (Toyouke: “Yeah...if I saw Kent and Vxysin coming to rescue me I might pause also.“)
5- Flight Time/Big Easy choose Search

(Toyouke: “I mean, obviously they can't bury a live person, but couldn't they put a dummy in the crevasse too?”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Kent/Vyxsin
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Zev/Justin

Teams are now instructed to take their helicopter back to a ski resort, where they can catch the train to Zermatt and find Le Petit Cervin. Teams arrive at the resort in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Kent/Vyxsin
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Zev/Justin

Teams arrive at the ski restort and board trains to Zermatt:

Train 1
1) Kisha/Jen
2) Kent/Vyxsin
3) Gary/Mallory
4) Flight Time/Big Easy

Train 2
1) Zev/Justin

Teams arrive at Le Petit Cervin in the following order:

1- Kent/Vyxsin
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Zev/Justin

Once they arrive, teams get the eighth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who wants to make a new friend?

In this roadblock, one team member must create a chocolate version of the Travelocity roaming gnome using traditional Swiss methods, including using snow as a cooling agent. Once the chocolate gnome is approved, teams swap it for a real one, which has the next clue.

(Toyouke: “Stupid gnome. Although I guess this iteration is better than most. Also, "YOU want to make a new friend!" Is what I would say to you. I don't like people. Or gnomes.” Kmanpat: “True that. Good thing I like baking. But I’d need you to do something while I was busy with another task. . .” Auburnium0513: “Mmmm...chocolate! I'd be all over that task! Chocolate meets art? It's all me!”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Vyxsin
2- Flight Time
3- Mallory
4- Jen
5- Zev

There was this strange argument in the middle of the task involving pieces of gnome. (Toyouke: “I have no idea what this argument is about. Everyone gang up on Vyxsin? I guess? I don't know. What I do know, is that was stupid annoying drama as opposed to awesome drama. Although I think it's fair to say the Globetrotters were mighty quick to assume someone stole their stuff on purpose and that it was Vyxsin. For some people who stole someone's fanny pack and "misplaced" it, presumably by accident.” Auburnium0513: “Goodness, too much drama in the kitchen!”)

After much chocolate tempering, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Kent/Vyxsin
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Zev/Justin

Teams get their clue and find that they must now travel BY FOOT to the 300 year old Swiss Cabin at Mittagstadel and Mürini, the PIT STOP of the tenth leg of this racearoundtheworld. Note the Amazing Pink highlighter. (Toyouke: “Oh I LOVE the highlight on the clue.”) The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Flight Time/Big Easy – who win a trip for two to the Cook Islands.
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Zev/Justin
5- Kent/Vyxsin – who arrive at the Pit Stop third, and realize that they have a 30 minute penalty for taking a taxi instead of traveling by foot. Kent: “Maybe other teams can't read either!" (Toyouke: “Unlikely.”)

And Kent and Vyxsin are FINALLY eliminated. The whining can now stop, thank you very much. (Toyouke: “Aaaaaand failing to read the clue dooms another team.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Flight Time/Big Easy
2nd – Kisha/Jen
3rd – Gary/Mallory
4th – Zev/Justin

Next week: Four teams race in a two hour, two leg, season finale through Rio and the Florida Keys. There will be waxing! (Toyouke: “How is waxing a challenge?”) Dancing! Trains! Boats! And Phil! Until next time!

Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 9, 4/25/11

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Racers, teams raced from India to Austria. The Cowboys managed to start in last place again, thanks to another bum flight, and the Goths bickered incessantly. And Gary and Mallory were in last but were saved by the final NEL. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers
2nd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
3rd – Kent/Vyxsin, Team Goth
4th – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
5th – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
6th – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies

Villa Trapp, Salzberg, Austria

3:14 AM Zev/Justin (1st)
Clue: Travel by train to Feltkirch, Austria, and then cross the border at Schaanwald, Liechtenstein! Once there, find the clue.

3:25 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (2nd)
3:39 AM Kent/Vyxsin (3rd)
3:49 AM Kisha/Jen (4th)
3:50 AM Jet/Cord (5th)
4:36 AM Gary/Mallory (6th)

Teams arrive at the train station in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kent/Vyxsin
4- Jet/Cord
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Gary/Mallory

All the teams end up on the same train to Feldkirsh. Once there, teams get their taxis in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Gary/Mallory – (Toyouke: “Uh oh...Gary is getting the "I'm enjoying my train ride because travel is wonderful" edit. A bad sign.”)
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Zev/Justin – whose taxi driver’s name is Tuni. Zev: “We’re good American people!” (Toyouke: “I would probably break traffic laws for Zev and Justin too.”)
6- Kent/Vyxsin

Teams take their taxis and arrive across the border in Schaanwald in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Jet/Cord
5- Kent/Vyxsin
6- Gary/Mallory

However, once they arrive, Gary and Mallory find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this speed bump, teams must measure out the proper amount of gasoline that it will take to fill a VéloSolex motor bike with petrol (2 litres) to get the 25 part gas to 1 part oil necessary. Once completed, they will receive their next clue.

(Toyouke: “This Speed Bump is HORRIBLE! Where's the sitting on ice?! Where's the running through fireworks?” Kmanpat: “What about the Saunabus?” Auburnium0513: “It's actually very lucky that the Speed Bump is so early in the leg...”)

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory

After much gas measuring, they continue with the rest of the teams in getting the clue in Liechtenstein.

Once they arrive, teams get the eighth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s ready to give a measured response?

In this roadblock, one team member must ride a VéloSolex motorbike the entire length of the country of Liechtenstein from Schaanwald to Balzers, a distance of 22 kilometers. Using a map and odometer, roadblockers must give six time Olympic skier Marco Büchel the correct distance to get their next clue. Otherwise, they must return to Schaanwald and start over.

(Toyouke: “I am super entertained by this Roadblock. Also, cute skiier.” Auburnium0513: “I love this task! I want to go to Lichtenstein...and Luxembourg...just so that I can have stamps in my passport from such tiny countries.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Justin
2- Flight Time
3- Jen
4- Jet – who is the only one who screws up and has to travel the whole distance three times.
5- Vyxsin
6- Gary - "It’s just like the Tour du France!” (Toyouke: “Hee!”)

After much bike riding, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Kent/Vyxsin
6- Jet/Cord

The Roadblockers are directed by Marco Büchel to the Castle Gutenberg to meet their partners. They arrive in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Kent/Vyxsin
6- Jet/Cord

Teams are now instructed to take a bus and a train to Zermatt, Switzerland and to find the clue at the train station. Teams take buses to Sargons:

Bus 1
1) Zev/Justin
2) Kisha/Jen

Bus 2
1) Gary/Mallory
2) Flight Time/Big Easy

Bus 3
1) Kent/Vyxsin

Bus 4
1) Jet/Cord

Teams arrive in Sargons and board trains to Zermatt:

Train 1
1) Zev/Justin
2) Kisha/Jen

Train 2
1) Gary/Mallory
2) Flight Time/Big Easy
3) Kent/Vyxsin

Train 3
1) Jet/Cord

Teams arrive at the Zermatt Train Station and get their clue in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Kent/Vyxsin
6- Jet/Cord

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Cheese OR Wheeze
*Cheese: Teams travel to Restaurant Walliserkanne and eat a full pot of cheese fondue to get their next clue printed on the bottom of a clean fondue pot.
*Wheeze: Teams travel on foot to the porter at the train station and pick up 20 pieces of luggage to deliver to at least five hotels in Zermatt. Once all pieces are delivered and tags are returned to the train station, the porter will give teams their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Another eating challenge? Sigh.”)

1- Zev/Justin choose Cheese – who enjoy this thoroughly. (Toyouke: “Why do I find Zev and Justin so hilarious?”)
2- Kisha/Jen choose Cheese – who quickly realize that it’s not going to happen, and Bald Snark to Wheeze. (Auburnium0513: “Why would you quit? What is so hard about eating cheese fondue?”)
3- Gary/Mallory choose Wheeze
4- Flight Time/Big Easy choose Wheeze – who seem to lose bag tags. (Auburnium0513: “I am kind of sad that there wasn't a "Total bags 22 out of 20" for the Globetrotters...”)
5- Kent/Vyxsin choose Wheeze – (Auburnium0513: “SHUT UP KENT! Goodness, I really want them to be eliminated!”)
6- Jet/Cord choose Wheeze

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Kent/Vyxsin
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Jet/Cord

Teams are now instructed to find the Inderbinen Brunnen Fountain.

CAUTION: DOUBLE U-TURN AHEAD

This is a Double U-Turn. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is doubled, meaning two teams may U-Turn two other teams. This is the second double U-Turn of the Race.

1-Zev/Justin choose not to U-Turn
2-Kisha/Jen choose not to U-Turn
3-Kent/Vyxsin cannot U-Turn – because they used it earlier in the race.
4-Gary/Mallory choose not to U-Turn
5- Flight Time/Big Easy choose to U-Turn Jet/Cord – (Toyouke: “I mean, I like the Globetrotters, and this is exactly how one should use the U-Turn to save yourselves, but it makes me very sad.”)
6-Jet/Cord have been U-Turned

So, the Cowboys head back to Cheese and complete the other Detour.

Teams get their clue and find that they must now take an electric taxi to Moos Restaurant, the PIT STOP of the ninth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Zev/Justin – who win a trip for two to Curaçao, the only country in the world named for a liquor. And Zev has the fondue pot on his head. (Toyouke: “See? Zev is wearing the pot on his head, working the word "fondue" into as many sentences as he can, and it's hysterical instead of super annoying.”)
2- Kisha/Jen – (Toyouke: “I am glad that they are checking to make sure they are using the appropriate method of transportation to get to the Pit Stop.”)
3- Kent/Vyxsin
4- Gary/Mallory – (Toyouke: “AND I love Mallory! I must be a crazy person.”)
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Jet/Cord

And Jet and Cord are eliminated. Aw! No more cowboy brothers. Cord: “They hit the nail on the head when they said this race was amazing.” And they ride off into the sunset, with the TAR Cowboy music playing.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Zev/Justin
2nd – Kisha/Jen
3rd – Kent/Vyxsin
4th – Gary/Mallory
5th – Flight Time/Big Easy

Next week: To the Matterhorn we go! And the Travelocity Gnome makes a chocolaty appearance. Until next time!

Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 8, 4/17/11

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on Fun In and About the Ganges, teams continued their way through India. The Cowboys find their way onto a flight by themselves, which happens to be the last flight to arrive. But, with Ron struggling, and Zev having issues with the environment, the Cowboys catch up, helping to eliminate Ron and Christina. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
2nd – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers
3rd – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
4th – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies
5th – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
6th – Kent/Vyxsin, Team Goth

Ramnagar Fort, Varanasi, India

2:07 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (1st)
Clue: Fly to Vienna, Austria! Once there, go to the parking garage and find a marked 2012 Ford Focus to get your next clue. To purchase tickets, you must go to one of the listed travel agents.

(Auburnium0513: “A 2012 model year car? Already?! 2011 isn't even half over yet!”)

2:12 AM Zev/Justin (2nd)
2:53 AM Kisha/Jen (3rd)
3:30 AM Gary/Mallory (4th)
3: 35 AM Jet/Cord (5th)
3:44 AM Kent/Vyxsin (6th)

Teams travel to their respective travel agents and arrive in the following order:

1- Flight Time/Big Easy
2- Zev/Justin
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Jet/Cord
6- Kent/Vyxsin

Teams get flights. Most of the teams discover the Varanasi – Dehli – Mumbai – Vienna flight that arrives at 5:35 AM. However, Jet and Cord opt for the Varanasi – Dehli – Vienna flight that arrives at 6 pm. (Toyouke: “Hmmm....at first I thought the Cowboys were going to do a stupid thing again, but at least this time they have a reason for being behind. And the connection thing is a good point.” Auburnium0513: “I like the thought process of the cowboys, slightly later flight, but 1 fewer connection. I think it's a wise decision.”) And although less layovers is generally a good thing, I’m not sure it’s the smartest idea in this situation. I mean, RACE!

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Zev/Justin
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Kent/Vyxsin
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Jet/Cord

The Amazing Green Line takes most of our teams on their longer route and the Amazing Red Line takes Jet and Cord and then flies to and arrives in Vienna in the following order:

1- Kent/Vyxsin
2- Zev/Justin
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Jet/Cord

Teams get in the car and receive a video clue from Phil to put their car in reverse and activate the back up camera to read the next clue. (Toyouke: “LAME. Product placement. Plus, you could just GET OUT OF THE CAR AND LOOK.” Kmanpat: “Which is totally what I would have done.”) The letters on the ground spell “Schloss Schallaburg”, which is the teams next destination. Teams depart in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kent/Vyxsin
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Mallory – who have a rough time. (Toyouke: “How do you miss the part that says "Put the car in reverse"?”)
6- Jet/Cord

Teams now drive themselves (Auburnium0513: “Why aren't the teams using the in-car navigation system??”) and arrive at Schloss Schallaburg in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Kent/Vyxsin
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Jet/Cord

When they arrive, teams must walk through the castle and find the attendant that hands them a book. Inside the book reads: "Librarian Prunksaal / Österreichische Nationalbibliothek", which directs teams to the National Library back in Vienna. Teams get their books in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Kent/Vyxsin
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Jet/Cord

Teams now drive themselves to the National Library (Toyouke: “That's a pretty awesome library.”), find the proctor and get their next clue in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – and Flight Time decides to pee. (Toyouke: “Peeing on a building. Nice.”)
5- Kent/Vyxsin
6- Jet/Cord - Cord - "We'll just kick ass on tasks to make up for our poor airline decisions." (Toyouke: “That is not a valid Race strategy. Even if it seems to work every damn time.”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Long Hard Walk OR Quick and Easy Meal
*Long Hard Walk: Teams make their way to the Freud Museum and pick up a psychoanalyst’s couch. Teams must then carry it one mile to the University of Vienna and drop it off to get their next clue.
*Quick and Easy Meal: Teams make their way to Wiener Riesenrad and pick up two meals of schnitzel and chocolate torte. Teams then board a dining car and finish both meals in 12 minutes or less to get their next clue.

(Auburnium0513: “Too bad Ron isn't still in the race, he'd be all over "Quick and Easy Meal."”)

1- Kisha/Jen choose Quick and Easy Meal – who go around, are unable to finish, and Bald Snark to Long Hard Walk. (Auburnium0513: “This is not the time for good manners, don't waste time with the knife and fork, use your fingers!”)
2- Zev/Justin choose Quick and Easy Meal – who go around, are unable to finish, and Bald Snark to Long Hard Walk.
3- Gary/Mallory choose Quick and Easy Meal – who go around, are unable to finish (but Gary comes close), and Bald Snark to Long Hard Walk.
4- Flight Time/Big Easy choose Long Hard Walk – (Auburnium0513: “Oh, Globetrotters, you make me sad. You don't know who Freud is? Aww...”)
5- Kent/Vyxsin choose Long Hard Walk
6- Jet/Cord choose Long Hard Walk

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Flight Time/Big Easy
2- Kent/Vyxsin – Vyxsin: "I just need you to quit acting like a chick.” (Toyouke: “What? Shut up, Vyxsin.” Auburnium0513: “Do the Goths not see the dolly?”)
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Jet/Cord
5- Zev/Justin
6- Gary/Mallory

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to Salzburg and find the Sternbräu Restaurant to get their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Flight Time/Big Easy
2- Zev/Justin
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Kent/Vyxsin – (Toyouke: “Vyxsin, I don't think saying "I'm never speaking to you again if we lose" is going to be a threat at the moment.” Auburnium0513: “I really want the Goths to get eliminated, I can't stand them any longer.”)
5- Jet/Cord
6- Gary/Mallory

Once they arrive, teams get the seventh roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s feeling as lucky as can be?

In this roadblock, one team member must don a chimney sweep outfit, climb a ladder and clean out a chimney using a weighted cleaning tool to clean the chimney. Then, roadblockers open the cleanout door to pull out the next clue.

(Toyouke: “This Roadblock doesn't seem terribly complicated.” Auburnium0513: “How do you know when you're done? Will the sweep tell you? I certainly wouldn't know if I was done on my own.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Big Easy
2- Zev
3- Kisha
4- Vyxsin
5- Cord
6- Gary

After much cleaning, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Flight Time/Big Easy
2- Zev/Justin
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Kent/Vyxsin
5- Jet/Cord
6- Gary/Mallory

Teams get their clue and find that they must now make their way to Villa Trapp, the PIT STOP of the eighth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

(Auburnium0513: “Oh man, I'd have to start singing show tunes at this pit stop! First chimney sweeps with a Mary Poppins reference in the clue, and then the Von Trapp home? Show tunes, baby!” Kmanpat: “Sweet!” Toyouke: “Don’t even think about it.”)

1- Zev/Justin – who each win a 2012 Ford Focus.
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kent/Vyxsin
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Jet/Cord
6- Gary/Mallory

And Gary and Mallory are . . . not eliminated. Which makes this the third non-elimination leg. However, this time, there is a Speed Bump on the next leg that they must complete. I’m not horribly worried.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Zev/Justin
2nd – Flight Time/Big Easy
3rd – Kent/Vyxsin
4th – Kisha/Jen
5th – Jet/Cord
6th – Gary/Mallory

Next week: We trek across Europe, and Gary and Mallory fight for their standing. There’s biking through Liechtenstein, and a fondue eating challenge. Thank you, voice over guy who is not Phil. Until next time!

Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 7, 4/10/11

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Kolkata Out, Folks!, teams competed in a Snapple sponsored tea tasting. Luke got frustrated and very behind, which forced his and Margie’s elimination. And that’s about it. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies
2nd – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
3rd – Ron/Christina, Team Asian
4th – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers
5th – Kent/Vyxsin, Team Goth
6th – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
7th – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters

Fountain of Joy, Victoria Memorial, Kolkata, India

Gary/Mallory (1st)
Clue: Fly to the city of Varanasi on the Ganges River. Once there, make your way to the Tonga Stand. You have $80 for this leg of the race.

Jet/Cord (2nd)
Ron/Christina (3rd)
Zev/Justin (4th)
Kent/Vyxsin (5th) – who stop at a travel agent, even though it’s a domestic flight. (Auburnium0513: “What is with the skinny shiny headbands?”)
Zev/Justin (6th)
Flight Time/Big Easy (7th)

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Ron/Christina – who have some time after getting tickets, so they grab food. (Toyouke: “Ron, seriously. Always eating.”)
3- Zev/Justin
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Jet/Cord
6- Kent/Vyxsin
7- Flight Time/Big Easy

When the Hillbillies arrive, they go to the Kingfisher counter and find the earliest flight to Varanasi gets them in at 10:45 AM. So, logically, if there’s enough tickets on the flight, everyone should be on it. Unfortunately, the cowboys decide that they should trust everyone and get a Jet Airways flight that arrives at 11:45 AM. (Toyouke: “Auburnium0513 said she didn't like the drumroll after the cowboys' comments, and she was right.”) This they don’t discover until the Amazing Red Line plops them all in Dehli. The Amazing Red Line then flies to and arrives in Varanasi in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Ron/Christina
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Kent/Vyxsin
5- Gary/Mallory – and Mallory wonders what happened to the cowboys. (Toyouke: “When MALLORY wonders what you did wrong, then you REALLY screwed up.”)
6- Flight Time/Big Easy
7- Jet/Cord

They take taxis and arrive at the Tonga Stand in the following order:

1- Kent/Vyxsin
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Ron/Christina
6- Zev/Justin
7- Jet/Cord

Once they arrive, teams get the sixth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s ready to search for the meaning of life?

In this roadblock, one team member must use a set of pictures to find six sahus, or holy men, who will each give roadblockers part of a clue. Once they have all six pieces, they must find a seventh sadhu and arrange the clues into the meaning of life: “Once you’re over the hill, you pick up speed.” The seventh sadhu would then present them with their next clue.

(Toyouke: “A "Where's Waldo?" task. Interesting.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Kent
2- Big Easy
3- Jen
4- Gary
5- Ron
6- Justin
7- Cord

After much searching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Zev/Justin
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Kent/Vyxsin
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Jet/Cord
7- Ron/Christina

Teams are now instructed to make their way to Tulsi Ghat and find the Swaminath Akhara. There, teams will find a strongman to give them their next clue. (Toyouke: “I'd be excited about wrestling, except for that "boxing" challenge last season. Lame.“) Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Kent/Vyxsin
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Jet/Cord
7- Ron/Christina

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Feed the Fire OR Feed the Buffalo
*Feed the Fire: Teams make their way to Sakka Ghat and find the milkman. Once there, they make fifty patties of traditional fuel made of buffalo manure. These must be slapped on the wall for drying. Once complete, teams use dry patties to light a stove to boil milk and get their next clue.
*Feed the Buffalo: Teams make their way across the Ganges to pick up two bundles of hay, and then return to Ksameshwar Ghat and deliver them to the address on the bundles. Once delivered, teams get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Why is "Feed the Fire" so much longer and more involved than "Feed the Buffalo"?”)

1- Zev/Justin choose Feed the Buffalo
2- Flight Time/Big Easy choose Feed the Buffalo
3- Kisha/Jen choose Feed the Fire – (Toyouke: “Heh. Children are laughing at you.” Auburnium0513: “At least they gave them gloves.”)
4- Kent/Vyxsin choose Feed the Fire
5- Gary/Mallory choose Feed the Fire – and Mallory is coincidentally wearing the same outfit that she had on the last time she played in manure. (Toyouke: “Mallory! Why did you keep that outfit in the first place?”)
6- Jet/Cord choose Feed the Buffalo
7- Ron/Christina choose Feed the Buffalo


Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Kent/Vyxsin
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Jet/Cord – (Toyouke: “I guess being good at tasks can make up for being stupid at travel decisions.“)
7- Ron/Christina

Teams get their clue and find that they must now make their way to Ramnagar Fort, the PIT STOP of the seventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Flight Time/Big Easy – who win a trip to Hawaii. (Toyouke: “The Globetrotters seem underwhelmed at a trip to Hawaii.”)
2- Zev/Justin
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Jet/Cord
6- Kent/Vyxsin
7- Ron/Christina

And Ron and Christina are eliminated. But Ron is happy that he got to come back!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Flight Time/Big Easy
2nd – Zev/Justin
3rd – Kisha/Jen
4th – Gary/Mallory
5th – Jet/Cord
6th – Kent/Vyxsin

Next week: Vienna! Gary and Mallory tackle an eating challenge. And the Goths blow up at each other. Again. Until next time! Clicky clicky

Top Chef:All Stars 4/6/11--"Reunion Special" summary

Is Andy Cohen hosting this too? I mean, they already let him have half an hour right after the finale. So he gets another hour? Can’t Padma and Tom host? (click for more)

Padma, Tom, and Gail apparently are not as qualified to host the reunion special as Andy Cohen. We congratulate Richard, and then Andy asks him if he wishes he’d won his season, or if it was sweeter to come back and win. Mike interrupts to say he wishes Richard had won Season 4. Shut up, Mike. You’ll get your chance to pretend to be a gracious loser in a minute. Richard tells us he thinks he learned a lot about himself by not winning back in his season. Tom says it came down to what moved each judge. Gail goes on about Mike’s pepperoni sauce.

Montage of Richard. He says when he lost the first time, he thought about not cooking again. They’ve had some deaths in the family, so it’s been rough. Aww. He’s gotten over being creative just to be creative and do crazy things. They show the interview where Mike says he’ll punch Richard in the face. Mike laughs. Yeah. You know where they have the insets of the reunion show? They show the moment where he won, and then an inset shot of Mike looking pissed. He also says it’s about his wife and family, and that his wife is the only thing he’s ever won up until then. Aww! And hee! He’s still kind of choked up, and Gail jokes that he might be easier on himself, now, maybe. Fabio is like, “He won and he still freak out! Jesus Christ!” I love Fabio. Richard also tells us that he has a new daughter. Andy also reminds us that Richard promised Mike some money if he won. Oh yeah, he did. Richard says they’re going to talk about it, he might invest in Mike.

Now let’s talk to Mike! He says he “went the distance” and it was an honor. Tom thinks Mike won more than anyone else, especially when you take into account things like how Mike never cooked Italian food before the Ellis Island episode, and now he’s gotten that back. Andy makes Antonia talk about how she lost on an amuse bouche, and she says that was easier because everyone was nitpicking. Montage of Mike being gross and Antonia being disgusted, and then they discovered they were related.
Montage of Jen and how everyone respected her and then how in the second episode she went off on the judges and argued with them about everything. And then she was eliminated and everyone freaked out, and she left the room and forgot to turn her mike off and let loose with a string of profanity. She tells Andy she was disappointed in herself, and Gail admits she was shocked it took so long for anyone to go off on the judges.

Pretend viewer questions! OK, I know these are probably real people. But they always seem to ask the same questions and it’s just as likely the producers wrote questions they felt would cause the most drama. First question: did the guys have stylists or are tight T-shirts and hair gel their own idea? Then he makes fun of Angelo. Montage. There are clips from the shots in the intro, which are cut together to make Angelo look like a cologne model or something. That’s kind of funny, actually. Tre says he cooks in $300 pants. Really? He walks around in the house in tight lavender pants, which he looks very good in, to be fair. Dale tells him he looks like he has an avocado in his pants, and Angelo says they’re Padma’s pants. Hee. Mike says to Fabio that Angelo tells people he has an avocado in his pants, and Fabio laughs and says “More like walnuts, Mike.” Ha! Dale says he feels uglier around Angelo. OK, that was hilarious.

Viewer question! Gail, would you rather go on a date with Angelo, Fabio, or Spike. Duh, Fabio. Gail says she and Spike have “a Canadian connection” and then there’s a shot of some guy…oh, damn, that’s Spike. I didn’t recognize him without any hat whatsoever. Then she very carefully reminds everyone she’s married. Padma gets the same question, and she says, “Elia, or Casey.” Oh, now you’ve opened a can of worms. “Or I could motorboat Antonia.” WTF!?! “I just learned that word!” Is she high?

Montage of Jamie. She figures out it’s about her when Andy says it’s about a chef whose “heart wasn’t in the game”. God, then we have to bring up again about how she went to get stitches. Look, I understand that she only got two stitches. But you can’t tell a grown woman she can’t go get stitches if she wants to. It’s her decision. And then they show the tennis match thing, where she never finished cooking her chickpeas and then she wouldn’t go first or whatever. And as I read on another site, and totally agree with, if you were so dead-set on your stupid strategery, you could have just yelled her name when asked and threw her under the bus that way. Plenty of interview clips of people making fun of her. A viewer asks if Jamie feels bad after watching everyone else not getting stitches. Jamie rolls her eyes and she says she stopped watching the show so she has no idea. She gets really defensive, and I think sort of tries to drag Fabio into it, but not really, and bottom line, this is stupid. Tom points out that for all of them to be satisfied she was really hurt, she probably would have had to come back without her thumb. True that.
Tiffani admits she was a total bitch her season and “wrote the manual” on how not to do this show. She is also glad she didn’t win because it would have validated her bullshit. She wanted to compete but not become that person. Someone asks all of them if they’d come back a third time. Richard, Jen…a lot of people. Mike says it would depend on who was competing, because he would rather do Masters. Please.

So, apparently, Xbox Video Connect is a thing where you can have people join you in a videoconference via Xbox, I guess. Curtis Stone shows up and asks them who they would send up to Top Chef Masters. Jen would go herself, DaleT says they should send Richard obviously, and Spike tells Tiffani he’d send her and then when called on he says he’d send Marcel.
Montage of Fabio and Richard, and Angelo and Mike, having bromances. I know Fabio and Richard had a thing, but Angelo and Mike? Do I need porn music for this montage? No. No I do not. Do I need to watch Mike spank Angelo? Andy, no one wants to watch whatever footage you’ve found to watch late at night in bed. Fabio says he and Richard’s wife have an agreement.
Viewer question: is Antonia really the Black Hammer? Montage of Antonia’s teammates falling one by one. Seriously, it’s like…every time. Creepy. They argue over whether or not Antonia has a curse, and if it extends to her roommates. Hee. Another question: DaleT, does your girlfriend have the ring you said she deserves? DaleT is like, where’s my money bitches? He has everything picked out but Bravo hasn’t sent the check. Hee. Andy then says that apparently 97% of female viewers want to know if Fabio has a girlfriend. First of all, it can’t be that high unless you are lumping gay men in there too. And secondly, Fabio says he does but his private life is private. Montage of Fabio being Italian and telling crazy stories and charming women. And trying to pronounce words. Nothing beats “monkey ass in clam shell” though. Fabio insists to Andy that all his stories are true. Jen doesn’t believe Fabio walks his turtle. She’s kind of belligerent. Also everyone wants him to say “burger” because he sort of says “booger”.

Kids being healthy, for some reason this question goes to Antonia. What is the difference between cooking for adults and children? She goes off on a tangent about how she hates when a restaurant has a kids’ menu because it’s condescending and it says kids are stupid. Montage of outtakes from the Muppets. Hilarious. You have to remember there are adults under there saying things and making fun of Padma and probably looking up her skirt. Richard says when his daughter saw how Elmo said “hi Riley, Elmo loves you” she loved it. Montage of the museum challenge, and how some chefs were like “I don’t like kids…shhhh.” Padma tries to shush them, which doesn’t work, and Dale interviews that Padma probably just saw the next 10 years of her life flash before her eyes. Heh.

Commercial interlude: OK, so now we’re making a music video of Marcel being an asshat? With autotune? This autotune sucks ass. SUCKS. ASS. Don’t think I don’t know good autotune. Don’t clap! Jesus!

Now we have to bring up how Mike stole a dish from Richard that time. Oh, yeah, you can’t steal ideas or whatever. He totally did it and then was an asshat about it. Mike says everything has been done before somewhere, so that absolves him of blame. Richard says it was probably best labeled as “inappropriate”. He also admits that he wouldn’t have made it the same.

Montage of Judges’ Table outtakes. Lots of cursing. Tony says he’s an “egg whore”. Even Paula Deen curses! Wow. Someone calls Padma on being super upset when Tre was eliminated. She says she has a “sweet spot” for Tre but she hates eliminating anyone. The judges’ tell their favorite dishes: Padma liked DaleT’s egg dumpling at Wylie Dufresne’s; Tom loved Carla’s chicken pot pie she made for Jimmy Fallon, hamachi sweetbread from Richard, and Mike’s conch/fish dish on the beach. Tom wasn’t nervous to cook in front of the chefs, but he was nervous to cook in front of the cameras.

Oh, now we’re going to get into what Elia said about Tom after she got eliminated. I almost forgot about this. She said that he was a sellout and was not all about the food, not supporting farmer’s markets, not using grass-fed beef. She says she went to Craft in Vegas and they told her they only had corn-fed beef. After he published his reaction to what she said, she claims she went back and there still wasn’t any grass-fed beef. She also admits she called him a sellout, and she tries to get out of talking about it but Andy is insistent. She says she doesn’t believe in his selling Diet Coke because it has “bad stuff” in it, and that chefs of his caliber shouldn’t sell it, or drink it, or something. DaleL starts to stand up for…someone…and says it’s tough to know where to draw the line when you’re looking at endorsements. Tom is like, I drink Diet Coke and I sell it, so there’s no line. He says he buys food from small farmers, and he never said anything bad about what Elia said. She tells him she’s admired Tom since she moved to the U.S., but she saw the animals that were brought into his restaurant. He stops her and asks her if she actually went back into the kitchen. She says she did, but Tom clarifies and she says, “Into your kitchen? No.” Then whose kitchen is she talking about? Tom tells her that she really didn’t see animals being broken down, then. Spike is making finger guns and rolling his head around like he’s super bored. The argument continues, and basically, Tom is trying to get a name out of Elia but she doesn’t remember who she talked to. The other chefs are tired of hearing about it and start a shouting match about how they should drop it. Tom finally just flat out tells her she’s wrong, they’ve always served corn-fed beef, and grass-fed beef too. Elia’s argument is that he’s so successful, and such a great businessman, he should only buy grass-fed animals. How is that relevant? Tom says you can’t have a steakhouse and only serve grass-fed beef, and then he’s like, “I understand you were the first person to go, and it was hard, but it wasn’t personal, and there are 3 other people on the panel and the decision was unanimous”. Oh, good point. What about Gail and Padma? DaleL says something about questioning integrity throughout careers or something. Tom tells everyone that he’s eaten at some of their restaurants, outside of the show, and he feels it’s off limits to comment on it. Then he reminds everyone to be careful what they say in the press. Yeah…I think Tom won that. Andy asks Elia if she regrets what she said, and Padma tells her she doesn’t have to comment, but Elia says no, she stands by what she said. Oo.

Montage of judges, especially Tony. Because Tony Bourdain is great for soundbites. They say lots of mean things. Padma doesn’t think they were harder on these chefs, just that it depends on what else is on the table. One more viewer question: why doesn’t Carla say “Hootie Hoo!” anymore? Yeah! I missed that. While she saw her husband on Ellis Island, they were together, and “hootie hoo” is for when they can’t find each other. Montage of Carla being crazy. So much fun.

It’s over! Everyone gets fleeces! Congrats to Richard, and bye Andy Cohen! Clicky clicky