TAR17, Recap Leg 3, 10/10/10

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on Who You Ghana Call?, teams raced from England to Ghana, where teams experienced crowds! Poverty! Markets! Brook and Claire sold their way to first place, while Andie and Jenna suffered from not enough time together and fell to last place. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Brook/Claire, Team Infomercial
2nd – Katie/Rachel, Team Jersey Shore
3rd – Michael/Kevin, Team Internet
4th – Chad/Stephanie, Team Neverland
5th – Jill/Thomas, Team Who?
6th – Connor/Jonathan, Team Glee
7th – Nat/Kat, Team ER
8th – Nick/Vicki, The Geniuses
9th – Gary/Mallory, The Hillbillies

Kaneshie Market, Accra, Ghana

(Auburnium0513: “So are they not doing the 12 hour thing anymore?”)

7:34 AM Brook/Claire (1st)
Clue: Take a taxi to Jamestown on the other side of Accra and find the Akotoku Boxing Academy to get your next clue. You have $146 for this leg of the race.

(Toyouke: “SHUT UP BROOK.”)

7:35 AM Katie/Rachel (2nd) – (Toyouke: “I didn't realize how close second place was.”)
7:45 AM Michael/Kevin (3rd)
7:52 AM Chad/Stephanie (4th)
7:58 AM Jill/Thomas (5th)
8:01 AM Connor/Jonathan (6th) – (Toyouke: “OK, the singing isn't as entertaining as I thought it would be.” Auburnium0513: “It was better than nothing. It made me smile a little.”)
8:02 AM Nat/Kat (7th)
8:04 AM Nick/Vicki (8th)
8:06 AM Gary/Mallory (9th)

Teams take their taxis across town and some get lost in the process. Teams arrive at Akotoku in the following order:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Chad/Stephanie
3- Katie/Rachel
4- Connor/Jonathan
5- Michael/Kevin
6- Jill/Thomas
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Nick/Vicki
9- Nat/Kat

And teams come to the third roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
You’ve got a Rocky road ahead
In this roadblock, one team member must wrap their hands as someone training to box would. Once the wrapping is approved, the roadblocker must get into training gear and complete 60 seconds on a training bag and 60 seconds of jump rope without stopping. Once complete, the trainer will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Wait, they don't actually have to box anyone? How are you having a Roadblock at a boxing academy with no actual boxing? Lame.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Brook
2- Chad – who decides to show off.
3- Katie – (Kmanpat: “Can they please go away so that I can stop having to decipher who is who?”
4- Connor – and he fails at jumping rope. (Toyouke: “Connor, don't be a dumbass.”)
5- Kevin
6- Thomas
7- Gary
8- Vicki
9- Nat

After much boxing training, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Katie/Rachel
3- Chad/Stephanie
4- Connor/Jonathan
5- Michael/Kevin
6- Gary/Mallory
7- Nick/Vicki
8- Jill/Thomas
9- Nat/Kat

Teams are then instructed to take a taxi to the village of Tema in the Dodowa District and find the Supply Company.

So, teams arrive at the supply company in the following order:

1- Connor/Jonathan
2- Brook/Claire – who get slowed down by a “herd of very large beasts”. (Toyouke: “Those are "cows", Claire.”)
3- Michael/Kevin
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Jill/Thomas
7- Nick/Vicki
8- Chad/Stephanie
9- Nat/Kat – after dealing with their taxi overheating.

Teams are now instructed to choose a PAIR (Toyouke: “"Pair" = two.”) of wheelbarrows and load them with construction supplies. Once the supplies were loaded, teams took them to the Asebi D/A Primary school and deliver them to the foreman to get their next clue. They arrive at school in the following order:

1- Connor/Jonathan
2- Brook/Claire – on the second try, after leaving a wheelbarrow behind. Brook: “Ghanaian kids go to school in shacks and schools in the states are beautiful.” (Toyouke: “That doesn't look like a shack, but OK.”)
3- Gary/Mallory – who move forward because they read the clue.
4- Michael/Kevin – also on the second try due to a missing wheelbarrow. (Toyouke: “No! Read the clue!”)
5- Jill/Thomas
6- Chad/Stephanie
7- Katie/Rachel – Katie: “We need a wheelbarrow.” Rachel: “No, it says a pair.” Katie: “But the Asians only have one!” Rachel: “Well, they’re idiots.” Well played. But then they forget the trowels. (Toyouke: “Why isn't anyone reading the clue?”)
8- Nick/Vicki – who have and extra bag of concrete. And Nick starts to lose his cool. I think it’s the heat. (Toyouke: “You can read the clue too, asshat.”)
9- Nat/Kat

(Toyouke: “Oo, free manual labor for the school!”)

Teams are then instructed to find an open classroom and join a village class in their geography lesson about Africa. All teams need to do is locate Ghana on a map. (Toyouke: “They only had to pick out Ghana? That's it? This whole episode has the lamest tasks!!”) Once complete, teams receive their next clue from the kids. Teams complete the quiz in the following order:

1- Connor/Jonathan
2- Gary/Mallory – (Toyouke: “Why did Mallory get all patriotic all of a sudden? That was weird.“)
3- Chad/Stephanie
4- Jill/Thomas
5- Brook/Claire
6- Katie/Rachel
7- Michael/Kevin – (Toyouke: “Yeah Asians! Asians are good at school!”)
8- Nick/Vicki – (Toyouke: “How do you expect to locate Ghana if you don't know what a battlement is?” Kmanpat: “Don’t forget that London is a country.” Auburnium0513: “And if they can’t find Ghana with every other country filled in for them, that is some serious stupid.”)
9- Nat/Kat

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Bicycle Parts OR Language Arts
*Bicycle Parts: Teams must go to a nearby soccer field and play a game that Ghanaian children play by using a stick to roll a bicycle rim down the length of the field and back. Once both team members complete the task, the children will give them their next clue.
*Language Arts: Teams must choose a proverb and find the eight highlighted phrases. Then using a key from the Adinkra Symbol alphabet, teams must find the symbols in order on a large piece of fabric amongst a word search grid of symbols. Once completed, the children will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Never mind, the Detour is cool.”)

1-Connor/Jonathan choose Language Arts – (Toyouke: “That is EXACTLY how I look for symbols, in Myst or whatever. "Clover sun squiggly flower lightning bolt!"”)
2-Gary/Mallory choose Bicycle Parts
3-Jill/Thomas choose Language Arts – and Bald Snark to Bicycle Parts when they can’t find the Adinkra key. Cue Amazing Cameramen!
4-Brook/Claire choose Language Arts – and Bald Snark to Bicycle Parts when they can’t find the Adinkra key. But not after Claire tries to circle the children, and then get copied by everyone else. (Oh Claire. Seriously? You aren't even the blonde one.) Cue Amazing Cameramen!
5-Katie/Rachel choose Language Arts – and Bald Snark to Bicycle Parts when they can’t find the Adinkra key. Cue Amazing Cameramen!
6-Chad/Stephanie choose Language Arts – and Bald Snark to Bicycle Parts when they can’t find the Adinkra key. Cue Amazing Cameramen! And then Chad gets all misty about the children and their awesomeness. (Toyouke: “How is Chad getting all this stuff about children and how they view the world and whatever just from watching kids run around a field?”)
7-Nick/Vicki choose Bicycle Parts – (Toyouke: “Nick, you can't throw your hoop and sulk and then yell at Vicki about how she's not doing it either.”)
8-Michael/Kevin choose Language Arts - and Bald Snark to Bicycle Parts when they can’t find the Adinkra key. Cue Amazing Cameramen! (Toyouke: “I'm not sure why it's so hard for everyone to find the key, when the boys had no problem.”)
9-Nat/Kat choose Language Arts - and Bald Snark to Bicycle Parts when they can’t find the Adinkra key. Cue Amazing Cameramen! Can’t ANYONE read the clue?

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Connor/Jonathan
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Chad/Stephanie
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Nick/Vicki
6- Brook/Claire
7- Jill/Thomas
8- Nat/Kat
9- Michael/Kevin – after Michael got medical attention for heat exhaustion. (Toyouke: “Kevin is very supportive...but I am confused by the commercial break. Does that mean it's a non-elim?”)

Teams get their clue and find that they must follow the marked path to the Home of Awusa Ntso, the PIT STOP of the third leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Connor/Jonathan – who win $5000 each.
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Chad/Stephanie
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Nick/Vicki
6- Brook/Claire
7- Jill/Thomas
8- Nat/Kat
9- Michael/Kevin

First we find out at the mat that all the teams will be helping do some improvements on the school with all of the construction supplies that they carried. (Toyouke: “Oo, they ARE going to be free manual labor!”) Then, Michael and Kevin get the bad news that they are last. HOWEVER, this is the first of three non-elimination legs, and they are still in the race, but will have to complete a Speed Bump in the next leg.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Connor/Jonathan
2nd – Gary/Mallory
3rd – Chad/Stephanie
4th – Katie/Rachel
5th – Nick/Vicki
6th – Brooke/Claire
7th – Jill/Thomas
8th – Nat/Kat
9th – Michael/Kevin

Next week: Arctic Circle! Snowmobiles! Dogsleds! Until next time! Clicky clicky

Project Runway 10/7/10--"A Look in the Line" summary

Previously on Project Runway: all the designers got to make their own fabric designs, which is always a good challenge. They also got family visits, which consisted of everyone’s mom (except Chris got his boyfriend). Mondo won again, with a Mondo print that actually was inspired by his HIV+ status. I love Mondo. Valerie’s print was dark blue on black so it was hard to see, plus her dress looked too much like her party store dress, so she was sent home. Her decoy collection is full of shiny color and is very Valerie. (click for more)

Mondo is very excited. Gretchen is also excited because Valerie is gone and now it’s quiet. She tells April that she needs to focus on herself sometimes. Is Gretchen ever not focused on herself? I know she’s supposed to be the “villain” or whatever, but I just find her delusional, or full of herself, and not totally evil. Mondo says “The stakes are high. I don’t even like steak.” Heh. Andy must redeem himself.

Heidi has the velvet bag with her, and everyone is worried. For some reason the producers want everyone to change models. Whatever. Do you know any of their names? Do you care? I can’t be the only one who doesn’t care. Mondo is sad because his model is the one that ends up being eliminated. This challenge involves designing for Heidi for her New Balance line. I am so sick of designing for Heidi. Can’t we even at least once design for Nina? Or hell, design for Tim. Anyway, blah blah, active wear, head-to-toe, etc. Six models come out in some of the designs. How in the hell is a long-sleeved tunic with a belt and no pants “active wear”? You know what? It doesn’t matter. It’s all in gray and beige so Mondo is worried. So the winner gets to be part of Heidi’s line. Sold on Amazon, not on Piperlime which makes me laugh.

Back in the workroom there are large bolts of fabric to look at. I don’t think anyone has made active wear ever. Mondo is going to pull something out of his ass. Gretchen pooh-poohs the designs as “retail driven” and basic. Of course it’s retail driven. That’s the point. Tim collects them to go to Mood where they get $100. Everyone ends up in the same section. Chris is putting chiffon in his active wear.

Andy has a hoodie and cargo pants, with “interest”. April wants to make a long maxi dress with kimono sleeves. Mondo has pulled a shiny pink. He wants to make something more cropped, as opposed to oversized. Gretchen feels that the collection needs a jacket. She also is pretty confident no one will ever exercise in any of those clothes.

Tim time! And Heidi time! Gretchen doesn’t like Heidi in the workroom. She’s the client! What are you thinking? First thing, Chris’s model had a family emergency so he gets Mondo’s old model. Chris has some draping in the back and really open armholes. Somehow this will not appeal to busy web browsing women. Gretchen comments that Chris’s design is flat. Mondo has a cropped top, and Heidi for some reason doesn’t believe him when he says it’s a size 6. With no prints it’s dulled down, says April. She also says it looks like Ivy did it. Hee. Heidi basically tears into Mondo’s look, trying to force him to admit she wouldn’t wear it to go shopping in, but he refuses to play along and actually gets pissed at her. She insists she can’t get the clothes on, but he’s like, well I haven’t fitted it yet, do you want to try that on too? Heidi’s offended he won’t take all her criticisms with a smile. Maybe she has some good points, but this isn’t the runway. Michael sees Heidi as the boss and not the client, but I think she’s more the client here. That’s how she always acts, anyway. That entertained me for some reason. Heidi likes Andy’s clothes.

Mondo is still pissed so he goes to the lounge to take a break. He doesn’t want to start over, because he’s gotten nothing but praise for being different and now Heidi is attacking him for being himself. Chris tells him he could win the whole thing and not to let this go.

Back to Heidi and Tim. April has a loose black dress with I guess a lot of detail that we can’t see. Gretchen also has chiffon and jersey for her jacket. For some reason she tells Heidi this will translate into the cashmere. Heidi asks my question for me: Why don’t you just make the jacket out of the cashmere I gave you? Yeah, seriously. Gretchen felt that part of the challenge was to show what they could bring, in addition to making something that would go in the line, and while that’s true, Heidi would have to make it in her fabric, so why not just do it now and save the step? Gretchen gets defensive about the fabric, saying she doesn’t want to “waste time” about the fabric, she wants to win, so if you don’t like it it’s gone! And she throws it on the floor. Wow. Why is everyone crazy? And why was she so adamant she use her own fabric and then all of a sudden claim they’re wasting time and change her mind? Her leggings have butt rouching. That is a bad idea, and Heidi says so. She’s just as pissy as Mondo was but she does not get yelled at for her attitude. In confessional she whines that she has to use the same fabric as everyone else. Michael is making a poncho with a hood. It’s very simple, which April is irritated by. Tim says it’s very speedy, without saying that’s because it’s simple, and then Heidi makes fun of Ivy because OBVIOUSLY Michael can sew, if he makes garments faster than everyone else. I don’t remember Heidi ever being so catty about the designers before. Was she?

Tim and Heidi, before they leave, announce that the twist this week is to make two more looks! Three complete looks! Woo! Mondo isn’t even paying attention. But they get help, which consists of who knows what. Tim will take them to Mood again, and they can buy more stuff, and they get tonight and tomorrow. Gretchen sketches a “fashion legging”. I just realized how glad I was to only have to talk about six outfits and now I have to talk about eighteen outfits. I hate these twists. Mondo is doing nothing. Tim says to think positive!

Tim shoots down all of Gretchen’s fabric choices and she’s flailing. She and Mondo really hate this challenge. Tim comes in with his gather ‘round and sends in the help. Which is eliminated designers some of whom I was glad to not have to listen to anymore. Michael says “Here they come. The past” with his eyes bugged out. Hee. He thinks they all hate him so he’s really not happy. Yeah…I wouldn’t be happy either if I was him. He would rather be eliminated. Mondo picks Valerie, Gretchen picks Casanova, Chris picks Ivy, Michael takes AJ (ee!), April gets to work with Peach. So Andy gets Mike D., and he interviews that he will have to simplify some things.

Mondo has no idea, but he is going to do something so he doesn’t look stupid in front of Valerie. Gretchen is still freaking out about Heidi, because for some reason it made her feel like she’s not a designer. When day one ends, Andy hasn’t finished any of his looks.

The next day, AJ admits he was nervous about working with Mike C., but he’s actually glad. Chris is taking advice from Ivy. He says he can’t see what’s going on right now, so he needs a fresh eye. Peach is nitpicking, so April has to tell her when to move on, which she seems to be fine with. Casanova calls Mike C.’s outfit pumpkin pie with pecans. At least I think so. Those are the colors he has right now. I don’t mind the colors, but the pants are weird. Mike C. totally admits that he has a Thanksgiving color palette. Casanova tries to give him shit while they all sew but he just laughs. Ivy asks Mike C. how it feels to be so near the end, and he says he kind of can’t believe he‘s still there. And she says “Why, because you cheated?” Like, out of nowhere, all fake calm, and why didn’t you bring this up when you were still on the show? So apparently, for the Jackie O. challenge when they were supposed to make “American sportswear”, Ivy thinks Mike C. taped the dress to his model so she wouldn’t fall out. This is not allowed. That was like, four weeks ago, and the week after that for the “advertorial” shoot I totally said something about one of Gretchen’s pieces, that it looked taped. Either no one has noticed anything or no one cares. Michael says his model uses “sticky boobs” which seem to be plastic shields that are tacky, and she puts those on with tape. But I guess that’s OK. He totally is not worried about it, and just asks Ivy how it feels to be eliminated for a crappy design. Mike D. is looking at him like “did you really just say that?” Ivy says “Well, you know, it’s a TV show.” EXACTLY. It’s a TV show, so why are you in here with your accusations of cheating from four challenges ago then? They bitch at each other for a while. Ivy interviews that Michael’s language is “low class”, but they bleeped what he said so I don’t know exactly what it was. Whatever. He’s now despicable, and all her being a bitch to him was justified because he cheats. I wonder if she’s proud of how she looks right now? Because I really don’t think Ivy of all people should be attacking anyone about how they talk shit about everyone. When pressed for details, Ivy just says he sabotaged everyone by cheating and “playing the game”, which to me is a red flag that she doesn’t really have any arguments. I mean, that’s what I do when I don’t have examples. If you have specifics, you list them. Eventually the producers just let her interview about how unfair it is, and they let Michael interview about how she’s just bitter because she lost. I mean…she calls him Satan.

Michael says this is a lot of drama, but imagine how he feels when everyone hates him. AJ tells him that people do think he cheated, and he didn’t always trust Michael to “do the right thing”. Is this from before what Ivy was talking about? Because AJ was gone by then. Michael tells AJ about how if Mondo hadn’t become his friend he would have quit. Ivy comes over to Mondo and says she made Michael C. cry because he’s not a good person. Mondo knows she’s bitter. Ivy is seriously going around to the entire workroom telling each person how she called Michael out on his cheating. Are you kidding me? …I can’t even come up with anything to say. At least Mondo backs me up. Dude, even GRETCHEN agrees with me. Ivy interviews that she totally believes in karma, as the producers then cut to something exploding off the sewing machine and hitting her in the eye. Amazing producers! Michael C. laughs and I don’t blame him one bit.

With 45 minutes left in the day, Tim appears with another gather ‘round. I guess someone finally told producers about Ivy, and she at least explains the accusation. Ivy claims she and other designers saw the trash from the tape in the bathroom. Mike C. is insulted they would think he would do such a poor job of hiding evidence of his cheating. Ivy claims not one of them mentioned it because they were each so concerned with putting out their own garments they had no time to talk to a producer. Why is it coming up now? Ivy says they did bring it to the producers the next morning, right after the challenge, and the producers told them it was too late. “It IS too late!” Tim says brightly. “There is no malfeasance and it’s all hearsay.” Woo Tim! Malfeasance! Michael is a little sad it happened at all but he’s OK with this outcome. Tim promises if he felt it was really serious they’d be dealing with it.

The day of the runway show the boys joke about how they’d like to see Mondo go home. He’s all, bitch, everybody does. Hee. The girls have gone back to hating Michael again. Andy has to finish things. Chris is basically done. Gretchen shows up at Michael’s table, unsolicited, to tell him to let things go and just be present and make this the best that you can. Thanks Mom. Casanova and Gretchen argue about if the clients here still want to have sex. Michael says he’s either safe for sure or the winner. So that’s foreshadowing. Ivy is thankfully silent. Mondo has made thick fabric headbands with weird shapes, like, boxes and discs. The best interaction yet? Michael describes his client as being about the gym and working out but also being about a man. The makeup guy, the main one with the handlebar mustache, says “I don’t know anything about that”, totally deadpan. Hee! Everyone says their goodbyes.

Why isn’t Heidi wearing some of her active wear line? Guest judge is Norma Kamali. Gretchen: first is a white dress, loose on top with an asymmetric hem and a long black duster. I think there are drawstrings. The top is just a tank top with a racer back and it hangs weird. Second look is black leggings with a gray cropped top that looks like something from the 80s. There’s a white jacket too. Like a cardigan. Last is a gray long cardigan, a bandage skirt with bike shorts, and a short sleeved top that is slashed, with netting, so you can see her bra. It’s all in white and gray and black.

Andy: wide legged cropped pants in black with white chevrons, and a gray shirt with elbow length wide sleeves. The collar of the shirt is black with a black stripe down the front. I like the pants, the V is low enough it’s not creepy. Second is a gray and charcoal hoodie, with a swirly design that is pretty cool, and I think just plain black pants. The last look is a very short dress, in black and white curvy stripes, long sleeved, off the shoulder.

April: very loose gray dress with an eggplant camisole underneath. I think. The top is asymmetric, and I think she has a leather jacket on. That’s what it looks like, anyway. Next is a shorts and top combo, the top in sheer. The last is the maxi dress, which has a mullet hem (knee length in front, long in back) and is one shouldered. The one shoulder has an elbow length sleeve, while the other one just has a wide strap. It moves in an interesting way but looks huge.

Chris: gray sleeveless top and navy pants. The pants have drawstrings at the bottom so you can pull them up and crop them, and the top looks like he just sewed two rectangles together. It’s not very exciting. The back is draped, though. Second is gray yoga pants and a red top, with a jacket that is cream and lavender. The lavender is striped across her shoulders, and the sleeves are very wide and ruffly. It looks more interesting, anyway. The last look is a short dress with very wide sleeves in gray, then a strip of pink and black in the middle. But I can see from here that it’s not done well. It looks crooked and is cut like a T-shirt.

Michael: knee-length melon colored pants, with a beige hooded poncho. It may be a coat with very wide sleeves and not a poncho. Second is more orange pants, more pumpkin this time, but these are tight around the calf and very loose at the hip. Like, weird draped fabric loose. Then a gray top and brown hooded cardigan jacket. Last is a short dress with a zipper and banded short sleeves. Eh.

Mondo: purple leggings and a tunic with wide sleeves, in dark gray and melon. Next is a white tank, a cardigan with a gold strip maybe? and black pants. Last is a white tunic that also seems to be two rectangles sewn together, but with vertical stripes and also some seaming or something to give her a waist.

Michael, Chris, and Gretchen are the bottom, so they have to leave and wait it out. In the Scrap Bin, Gretchen complains that she made ten pieces in two days, as if no one else did, and I notice she’s wearing those over-the-knee boots she likes from the accessory wall, and then I realize her dress is made in a fabric she was looking at when she was at Mood. How does she have time to make herself clothes? Plus, I didn’t know designers could borrow from the accessory wall. She also thinks Mondo only made one look. Whatever. Back on the runway, Heidi is bitchy to Mondo about her “favorite” look that she complained about before. He was playing with shapes. Kors loves the headbands, and knows he had a challenge working with the muted palette. But the leggings are boring. One of the jackets has satin which Nina loves. Norma feels the pieces look good and people will wear them a lot. April wanted high fashion but comfortable. They like the long dress, and Kors will admit that nothing active is happening in these clothes. Norma doesn’t like the colors so much, but it’s modern. Heidi claims she is afraid to wear short shorts. I can’t roll my eyes hard enough. Andy wanted clothes women would want to live in. Heidi loves the short dress. Kors is excited. His jacket is chiffon and jersey, and all the pieces go together. Nina feels they might look a little like Halloween, but she still loves the pieces. Classic and beautiful.

Bottom three. Michael wanted to go a little more fitted. There are a lot of new colors, which Heidi doesn’t like. They also don’t look that athletic, or relaxed. Kors thinks he tried to hard to make it look “fancy” and it didn’t work. Nina doesn’t like the styling--too many things and it’s not relaxed. Norma still thinks there are some good pieces. He didn’t put them together right. Chris wanted something easy and effortless. Kors wouldn’t pay more than $10 for anything here. Ouch. The gray pants have a slit along the inside for some reason. And Kors says the dress is “sadness personified”. The jacket doesn’t go with anything. The best piece is the dark leggings, and usually he’s finished things well, but he didn’t make these clothes with love. Gretchen wanted to fill in some gaps in the collection with her looks, and not make sweatpants. Heidi thinks there are pieces that just don’t look casual. The bandage skirt and bike shorts, Heidi says that hurts her eyes. “You call it ‘hoshkaposh’?” That’s “hodgepodge”. Kors corrects her without batting an eye. Gretchen says that’s just a difference of opinion. Nina doesn’t like the cut on the bike shorts, and is that on purpose? That the inside of the leg is shorter than the outside? Because my shorts do that just because I have fat legs, and I try very hard to avoid that. Why would you do that on purpose? The gray jacket has a drawstring and looks like a robe. Kors hates the styling and turbans, and Gretchen is done with the criticism, you can tell.

Gretchen thinks Heidi hates her. Possibly. April’s styling is strong, her clothes are easy and high quality. And it’s still edgy. Andy’s clothes are light and interesting, and it ended up special. Heidi brings up how Mondo had an attitude in the workroom, and Nina is looking at her like “why am I sitting here with this woman?” but they all agree that the finishing is perfect and the clothes are wonderful. Christopher had a pajama party at the retirement village. It’s sloppy and washed out. Michael had weird proportions, and Kors doesn’t like his taste level. “Talent but no taste”. Gretchen’s clothes were out of an 80’s dance video, and the styling was terrible. There were too many things going on. Heidi doesn’t feel that Gretchen made things that would fit in the line, and then they discuss Gretchen’s ego, because she basically said “your line is lacking, I fixed it for you”.

April is in. Andy is the winner. I think Heidi is still bitter about Mondo’s attitude. Andy will get all three of his designs produced as part of the line. Nice. Mondo is in. Gretchen is in, but before she goes Heidi tells her constructive criticism isn’t her enemy. Chris is out. Aww. He just wanted to get past one more challenge. He’s thrilled that he got this far and it was amazing.

Next week: Mayor Bloomberg, final challenge before Fashion Week, Gretchen wants to leave, but you know she won’t. Clicky clicky

Top Chef:Just Desserts 10/6/10--"Lucent Dossier"

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: the Quickfire challenge asked the chefs to make wedding cakes, but Seth refused to decorate one and got dinged for that. The Elimination challenge required teams and making things for a bake sale, and there was much discussion of “you must have X at a bake sale” which is pretty dumb, but whatever, it gives us criteria. After some minor drama involving peanut butter, Eric won with peanut butter Nutella rice krispy treats, which he is proud of because as a baker if he had lost it would be terrible. Heather C. was told by her team to make a cookie, and she sort of gave up and made peanut butter cookies that were too boring. Everyone spazzed when she brought it up, claiming that she threw them under the bus and ruined the day, and that if she had waited until the judges asked her about her cookie then somehow it would have been better. Danielle threw Seth under the bus too, saying he refused to interact with the kids, but everyone forgot about that to gang up on Heather for a while. Until Danielle just went off on him in the Stew Room. Everyone on the losing team had problems but Heather’s cookie was too boring and she was sent home. (click for more)

Jesus Christ, Bravo, just make the show 90 minutes already.

Seth shaves in the kitchen over the counter. Zac flirts with him, for some reason, but Seth offers no explanation as to why he’s shaving in the kitchen. Zac says there are two Seths, one normal Seth that is cool, and one crazypants Seth that freaks out about stuff. Malika is still thinking about whether she should be here and about how when she’s here, she hates cooking. She knows this environment is not good for her. She wants to stick it out, though.

Breyer’s ice cream greets everyone, as does Gail and Gale Gand, who I totally remember from her Food Network show. Today they will be making ice cream sundaes for the Quickfire. Seth of course is already planning how he can make some awesome ice cream which will make him win. He mutters to Morgan “this ones’ mine”. Gail talks about how they should wow them or whatever, and Seth (who has not stopped moving this whole time, incidentally) asks her if they can make their own ice cream. He looks like a little kid asking if they can go to recess. Gail shoots him down and says no. Then Seth hangs his head and says “Weeeeaak saauce, weak sauce”. He’s creeping everyone out because he won’t stop moving around and shuffling and sighing and stand still for like two seconds, dude.

So I guess the chefs don’t actually start the Quickfire right after Gail tells them about it. They all go to the Stew Room and hang out while the crew sets up. Of course, while they are there, the producers go over the rules with them, and Seth starts arguing about things becoming part of the pantry? And did anyone else hear that? I’m not really sure what is going on, except that Seth threw something away once, something he brought from home, and he’s still pissed about it. Everyone else looks sick of it, like he’s brought this up every challenge so far. Eric says something has changed in Seth. The producer tells Seth that whatever he is arguing about, it won’t affect this challenge, and Seth is all “How do you know?” Morgan reveals this argument is about paper cups. Because Seth needs paper cups for his sundae. A totally different producer shows up and tells him he threw the cups away on his own accord, so no, they won’t replace them. All Seth can respond with is “that’s not fair” and also something about being born at night and then demanding to leave. Magically he then leaves the room. The other chefs talk about how he’s not going through the same things they are and how they’re pretty sick of it. Morgan sort of defends him by saying he lacks the maturity level to handle it. Everyone sits around for a while until they hear sirens.

After commercials we see that apparently Seth got so agitated he hyperventilated, had an anxiety attack, and passed out. “I didn’t know what it was ‘cause that never happened, but I feel like a crazy person. At this point, at producers’ discretion, I am not cleared to compete any further and I’m done.” Really? The producers told you that you aren’t medically able to compete? After you passed out once? I feel like maybe they just wanted him to leave them alone. I mean, not to belittle having such a severe panic attack that causes you to pass out, but I feel like people have hurt themselves much more severely and been allowed to return. And I certainly don’t think I’ve ever seen producers make the decision about if someone is medically able to compete. He’s not happy about it, of course, but he does acknowledge he took his own dream away.

Johnny comes to see everyone in the Stew Room to give them the news. The general consensus seems to be that they hope he’s OK but they’re not sorry to have him gone. Johnny is trying to be supportive but I think he’s a little shocked to see that no one is very upset. Heather thinks Seth would have pushed them to do better, but it’s nice to have him gone.

OK, back to the show. Everyone pulls ice cream scoops to be assigned a flavor. Winner gets immunity and they have 30 minutes. Eric likes sundaes but not wacky sundaes. He wants to focus on “traditional American baking”. Malika is in a good mood. Morgan is thinking “Sunday” because that’s the day he spends with his son who has inspired him today. Danielle has always wanted a soda shoppe. Yigit hasn’t grown up with fancy ice cream like cookie dough, but he seems to be in good shape.

Zac: fried cherry vanilla ice cream. He has called it “Black Forest is burning”. Erika: chocolate banana s’mores frangelico sundae. There is a chocolate covered graham cracker. It looks so good. Morgan: Oreo mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwich and chocolate milk. Heather: vanilla fudge twirl bananas foster sundae. Eric: natural vanilla with sautéed peaches, brandy, and crisp. Malika: cookies and cream with malted chocolate caramel sauce and bananas. Yigit: peanut butter and s’mores cookie dough sundae. Danielle: rocky road meets Neapolitan sundae. I think there are strawberries and marshmallow in it.

Eric’s sundae was boring, or at least Gale wouldn’t want to meet him if she’d had it in a restaurant. Danielle’s sundae wasn’t very Neapolitan. Erika’s sundae was also too boring. Zac was interesting, of course, because he coated the ice cream in panko. Yigit had a fun sundae, and Morgan’s chocolate milk was a hot cocoa type drink which they really liked. Morgan wins. He’s kind of choked up about his son, but it’s cute.

Gail says the original plan was to have three teams of three for the Elimination challenge, but since Seth left, they don’t have the numbers. So they brought back Heather C. Everyone seems happy to see her. Heather C. immediately is wary of the team challenge. Morgan, Yigit, and Zac get to pick teams, and Morgan tries to pick Gale. Heh. The teams shake out as follows: Morgan, Heather H., and Eric; Yigit, Erika, and Danielle; Zac, Malika, and Heather C. Morgan tried to balance his team out, while Zac has nicknamed his team “Team Breakdown” because they are all prone to crying. Gail says tonight they will be headed to a performance by the Lucent Dossier Experience. I am leery of anything with “Experience” in the title. They will take inspiration from the performance, and make desserts inspired by them, for a party. This will be a “flame” experience. Hee. So, something has to be flambé, and there also must be a showpiece, which is no joke. Each member must make an individual dessert too. So that is three desserts, a flaming dessert, and a showpiece.

Imagine Cirque du Soliel, only right in front of you, in a smoky tent, with fire eaters and stuff. That’s Lucent Dossier.

The teams brainstorm menus. Heather H. volunteers to do the showpiece for her team. Morgan interviews that he’s done a lot of showpieces, but if she wants to, he has immunity so whatever. Heather C. seems out of it, and Zac is still bitter about the last challenge.

4 hours to prep. Morgan, Heather H. and Eric have named themselves “Team Exotic”. Heather is making triple chocolate torte, Eric has lemon roulade with caramel, and Morgan is making mango panna cotta. The flaming dessert is almond cream with spiced cherry flambé. Yum. Zac, Heather C. and Malika are “Team Naughty and Nice”. I wonder who came up with that one. Zac: banana bread with red curry. Malika: saffron panna cotta with candied ginger. Heather C: chocolate sorbet with meringue and peppered pineapple. Well, that sounds more exotic than Team Exotic. The flaming dessert will be chocolate cake with flambéed cherries. Heather C. is asking everyone a million questions and irritating Zac. Yigit, Erika, and Danielle label themselves “Team Sassy, Sexy, Sultry” which is for sure the worst team name out of the three. Team SSS. Yigit: raspberry lime Bavarian. Erika: pineapple with almond ice cream. Danielle: chocolate cake with basil ice cream. Flaming: almond mirliton flambéed with bourbon peaches. Yigit is comfortable with being a leader and understands he might go home over it. Zac is making the showpiece by molding things in brown sugar and then pouring chocolate in. Like his face. Eric is slightly worried because of his team, Morgan has immunity and Heather H. is pretty awesome. Heather C., however, can’t get her meringue off the silpat sheet, and is freaking out a lot. She begs Malika for something easy to do that she can just be mindless with. Malika has some sympathy for her. Yigit is freaking out because he doesn’t think Danielle listened to what he said, and that he had to help her so much that he might not have done enough for his own dish.

In the morning Malika gets a phone call home and talks about her determination to stick around. Morgan is feeling great. Heather C. is sitting on the couch wearing sunglasses inside and she doesn’t really seem to want to be here. Zac rolls his eyes, but Morgan goes to talk to her and she says there’s no joy in it. Pretty much what Malika said earlier. Heather H. is not nice about it and tells her she’s letting her teammates down and how it’s selfish and she should suck it up.
2 hours to set up. The showpiece has to be at least two feet tall. Eric can’t see because it’s dark. Heather H. has some pulled sugar ribbons and stuff but Morgan doesn’t think it’s exotic. Which it’s not. I mean, it’s impressive but nne of their menu is exotic compared to others. Zac’s showpiece is shiny, of course. He thinks it’s personal. Yigit says everyone else’s showpiece is too safe. They’re still building the showpiece with 5 minutes to go and no desserts plated yet. The Experience shows up to put on another show, while everyone is trying to finish setting up. Pretty much everyone is confident.

Hubert is here today. Heather H. describes her showpiece, which is a chocolate rectangular column with a sphere on top, and some pulled sugar ribbons and flowers. It’s not super exciting but it looks pretty good for being assembled in two hours. The mango panna cotta has acai fluid gel (whatever that is) and passion fruit sorbet. Originally Morgan said Heather H. was making chocolate torte, but this is now chai tea torte with some chocolate. Eric has candied kumquats. The flambé dish is served in a very narrow shot glass that is too narrow for the spoons. The judges like the dishes, except they seem vaguely bored by Eric’s dessert presentation. Johnny gets a star anise pod in his flambé. Oops.

Team Naughty and Nice don’t have a very tall showpiece, but it is glittery and interesting. It seems to be all chocolate, just a ton of stuff all crammed together with swirls and wavy lines and whatever. Plus a face and mask. Heather’s dish looks pretty good. Heather is still upset. Johnny liked the showpiece because it reminds him of the costuming. Heather’s dessert doesn’t go with itself very well, but they like the other two dishes. Actually Gail says that Malika’s dessert is the best thing from her yet. The black forest flambé cake goes over well also.

Team SSS has a sphere, covered in discs of chocolate, and then a tall cylinder with rings on the top. Also there are some lotus-looking flowers. It kind of reminds me of bamboo for some reason, the cylinder part anyway. As they serve the judges the flambé dessert, they don’t actually light anything on fire. It turns out they already flambéed the peaches for the judges’ dishes, but are doing flambes for the other guests as they come up. Johnny is all, so you just didn’t want to do it for us, and they kind of stammer that they ran out of time. That’s not good. Danielle’s ice cream does not have enough basil for Johnny. Erika’s been clever enough to freeze her plates before serving ice cream on them. Yigit’s is good too, but they’re all still irritated about not getting fire.
Heather H. is sweeping up flower petals, so Morgan decides she’s upset, but she says she’s “stoic”. She does seem to be kind of irritated, but she won’t say why. Heather C., on the other hand, is pretty upset, predicting Zac will throw her under the bus, but also admitting she squandered this opportunity.

Commercial interlude: Eric does yoga and is Zen and everyone loves him. The end.

In the Stew Room Heather C. is telling Zac and Eric she doesn’t know if she can go through another Judges’ table. It seems like everyone else can hear her, because they’re making faces, but she’s not trying to tell everyone. Gail collects Team “Exotic” as the winners. Yigit says their showpiece was better. Morgan’s flavors and textures were spot on. Heather’s textures were also perfect and Hubert could easily see the inspiration in the showpiece. They also praise Eric for making a dessert with multiple layers, and he quickly credits his team for helping him. The winner here is Morgan. Heather looks pissed. Gail sends them back but doesn’t tell them to collect the losers. Once they’re back there, we finally discover why Heather H. is pissed: she feels Morgan didn’t thank her for all the work she did. She did her dessert and the showpiece, and I guess Eric did his dessert and the flambé, so Morgan just worked on his own dessert and he won. Well…that’s how it goes sometimes. She says “Never again, I’m not going to carry anybody.” Morgan reminds us all that she asked to do the showpiece. After muttering and being pissy, she refuses to talk to him about it.

Gail returns to the Stew Room and says since there were a lot of hits and misses, they want to talk to everyone. Team SSS is up first. Johnny demands Yigit recite the challenge, because they’re still bitter about not getting fire. And then…they send them to get the other team. That’s it? You just wanted to yell at them about that one last time?

Team Naughty and Nice. Zac’s dessert was wonderful, and pushed the envelope. Gale says it did look like it was punched out, though. Malika had creamy panna cotta, and crunchy parts, and Gale is in the middle of praising her when Malika interrupts and asks them to eliminate her. Um…well then. She says she doesn’t want to see anyone else eliminated today. Gail tells her that she’s been doing a really great job, and tonight’s dessert was her best ever. Malika says this is the right thing for her, although she’s honored. So Gail doesn’t waste time and tells her to pack up. Malika doesn’t like to cook in a competitive environment, and I’m glad she was able to recognize that a reality show is not real life. She’s totally fine with it and she’s going to do what’s right for her.

Next week: Yigit and Zac and Heather H. make a clique and decide everyone else is threatened by them, there are shoes, Morgan likes women’s shoes, Zac flirts with Gail. Clicky clicky

TAR17, Recap Leg 2, 10/3/10

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on Are You a Battlement?, teams raced from Boston to the United Kingdom, eventually ending up at the fake castle Eastnor. Claire got pelted with a watermelon (just in case you hadn’t seen the internet footage), and Chad and Stephanie bicker. But in the end, it’s Ron and Tony who are first off the plane but last at the mat. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jill/Thomas, Team Who?
2nd – Nat/Kat, Team ER
3rd – Connor/Jonathan, Team Glee
4th – Brook/Claire, Team Infomercial
5th – Katie/Rachel, The Beach Bunnies
6th – Gary/Mallory, The Hillbillies
7th – Michael/Kevin, Team Internet
8th – Chad/Stephanie, Team Neverland
9th – Andie/Jenna, Team Adoption
10th – Nick/Vicki, The Geniuses

Eastnor Castle Meadow, Ledbury, Herefordshire, England, United Kingdom

11:55 AM Jill/Thomas (1st)
Clue: Make your way back to London Heathrow and take a flight to Accra, Ghana! Once there, make your way to Kwame Nkrumah Memorial Park and find the monument to get your next clue. You have $137 for this leg of the race.

12:00 PM Nat/Kat (1st) – Nat: “Kat is the big ocean liner and I’m the little dinghy on the side.”
12:20 PM Connor/Jonathan (1st)
12:21 PM Brook/Claire (1st) – Brook asks for directions back to Heathrow, and proceeds to accost an old British man. (Toyouke: “I love everyone standing around on the ground all impatient for Brooke to hurry up and kiss the guy.”)
12:22 PM Katie/Rachel (1st)
12:40 PM Gary/Mallory (1st) – (Toyouke: “Did she really just say she wants to hold an African baby? Huh?”)
12:41 PM Michael/Kevin (1st)
12:50 PM Chad/Stephanie (1st)
1:35 PM Andie/Jenna (1st) – Andie: "This is the only time we're ever going to have like this!" (Toyouke: “I don't really want to hear about how Jenna was adopted every week.”)
1:45 PM Nick/Vicki (1st) – (Toyouke: “I wonder if Nick and Vicki know where Ghana even is. Nicky and Vicki? ...nah”)

Jill and Thomas are the first to arrive at the airport, where they find that the only flight to Accra is on Virgin Atlantic, and so every team will make the flight. (Toyouke: “I love how they tried to pretend Team Who has conflict and I'm STILL bored. “) Thus, the Amazing Green Line takes us the six hours to the Gold Coast of Africa. (Toyouke: “Woo! Bunching! Phil carefully pronouncing the city correctly and emphasizing the correct pronunciation!”) Teams arrive in Accra in the following order:

1- Nick/Vicki
2- Brook/Claire – Brook: “Look at all the stuff on their heads!”
3- Chad/Stephanie – Chad: “Look at all the trash!”
4- Jill/Thomas
5- Nat/Kat
6- Michael/Kevin
7- Katie/Rachel
8- Connor/Jonathan
9- Gary/Mallory
10- Andie/Jenna – (Toyouke: “I like that Andie gave out money without talking about how she's an awesome person and everyone else sucks.”)

Teams make their way to the monument. Some of them choose to give money. Team Glee holds on for dear life.

So, teams arrive at Kwame Nkrumah Memorial Park in the following order:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Nick/Vicki
3- Chad/Stephanie
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Michael/Kevin
6- Jill/Thomas
7- Nat/Kat
8- Connor/Jonathan
9- Gary/Mallory
10- Andie/Jenna

Teams are now instructed to make their way to Makola Market to get their next clue. So teams run back to their taxis and arrive at the market clue box in the following order:

1- Nick/Vicki
2- Brook/Claire
3- Jill/Thomas
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel – (Toyouke: “Aaannnnddd the volleyball players are the first with "Africa smells".”)
6- Michael/Kevin – (Toyouke: “You'll notice Michael is loving the market because it reminds him of his childhood in Taiwan and also because he kicks ass.”)
7- Nat/Kat
8- Connor/Jonathan
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Gary/Mallory – who had to switch cabs because of a dead engine.

When teams arrive at the market, they see the large sign. (Toyouke: “Makola Market. (Keep It Clean and Tidy.) Hee.”)

And teams come to the second roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who thinks they can handle some shady dealings?
In this roadblock, one team member must go into the market and sell enough sunglasses to earn 15 cedis ($10) and are not allowed to sell any pair for less than 3 cedis. Once the 15 cedis are collected, the roadblocker takes the money to the lead vendor so that teams get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “If sunglasses are so popular, Phil, why aren't you wearing any?”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Nick
2- Brook – (Toyouke: “I wonder if anyone even understands all the shit Brooke is saying. Or if they're just like, "Oh, cute blonde American."”)
3- Jill – Thomas: “I feel helpless because I can’t help.” Well, that’s profound.
4- Chad
5- Katie – I’m calling her Red, because I can only identify these girls by their shirt color.
6- Michael
7- Kat
8- Connor – who just wants to get out of there, so sells his first pair for 10 cedis. (Toyouke: “Oh, smart boy. Everyone is selling them for the cheapest price but maybe the better strategy was to see how much you could get for each pair.”)
9- Jenna
10- Mallory – “Get your sunglasses for your shaded pleasure!”

After much sunglass selling, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Michael/Kevin
3- Connor/Jonathan
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Andie/Jenna
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Jill/Thomas
9- Nick/Vicki
10- Nat/Kat

Teams are then instructed to make their way to the June Fourth area of town and find Tesshi Road and Peace Motor Spare Parts to get their next clue. Teams then arrive at the Motor Shop in the following order:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Chad/Stephanie
3- Katie/Rachel
4- Michael/Kevin
5- Connor/Jonathan
6- Jill/Thomas
7- Nick/Vicki
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Nat/Kat
10- Andie/Jenna

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Tune In OR Check Out
*Tune In: Teams must walk to nearby Adom Electricals and pick up a television antenna system. They then travel to a nearby marked house and install the system to the specifications of the owner. Once they have a proper television signal, they can get their next clue from the owner.
*Check Out: Teams must find Emmanuel’s Woodworking shop and collect a coffin in the shape of an object. Teams transport the coffin to Hello Coffin showroom, where the owner will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Those are the greatest coffins ever. Also, "Hello Coffin" is the best name.”)

1-Brooke/Claire choose Tune In
2-Chad/Stephanie choose Tune In
3-Katie/Rachel choose Check Out
4-Michael/Kevin choose Tune In – (Toyouke: “Asians! Electronics! ...that's all I got.”)
5-Connor/Jonathan choose Tune In – And then, in the First Bald Snark of the season, switch detours to Check Out.
6-Jill/Thomas choose Check Out – (Toyouke: “WELL there is a personality. Asshat. Because it's one thing to not care about the feelings of your fellow racers, THOMAS, but one would hope you might care slightly about random natives whom you are accosting.”)
7-Nick/Vicki choose Tune In
8-Gary/Mallory choose Tune In
9-Nat/Kat choose Check Out
10-Andie/Jenna choose Check Out

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Katie/Rachel
3- Michael/Kevin
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Jill/Thomas
6- Nick/Vicki
7- Connor/Jonathan
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Nat/Kat
10- Andie/Jenna

Teams get their clue and find that they must now take a taxi to Kaneshie Market and find the marked bridge, the PIT STOP of the second leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Brook/Claire – who win a 10 day trip to Hawaii, complete with spa package and helicopter tour. (Toyouke: “Brook. You came in first on Leg 2. Calm down.”)
2- Katie/Rachel
3- Michael/Kevin
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Jill/Thomas
6- Connor/Jonathan
7- Nat/Kat
8- Nick/Vicki – (Toyouke: “Hey! Nick and Vicki didn't say anything stupid today!” Kmanpat: “Darn, there goes my title quote for next week.”)
9- Gary/Mallory – Mallory: “Phil, any news will be good before I have a heart attack and die on the mat!” (Toyouke: “See? Mallory freaking out on the mat was funny.”)
10- Andie/Jenna

And Andie and Jenna are gone. There is crying and wishes of hoping to go farther. But we’re glad we got to meet each other. Woo.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Brook/Claire
2nd – Katie/Rachel
3rd – Michael/Kevin
4th – Chad/Stephanie
5th – Jill/Thomas
6th – Connor/Jonathan
7th – Nat/Kat
8th – Nick/Vicki
9th – Gary/Mallory

Next week: It looks like more Ghana. Nick finally blows his cool. And Michael can’t keep his, because he gets overheated. (Toyouke: “No! Michael is awesome! Crisis in previews means nothing! Previews lie!”) Until next time!

Clicky clicky

Project Runway 9/30/10--"There's a Pattern Here" summary

Previously on Project Runway: “advertorials”! Last minute stupid twists that involve complete new outfits! Everyone had to make a “high fashion” look for a magazine, then Tim came in halfway through and demanded a ready-to-wear look also. Everyone badmouths everyone else. In the end, Mondo wins, which is cool because he also wins $20,000. Ivy finally is eliminated, because this time she can’t blame her boring clothes on someone else. (click for more)

Valerie is shocked to still be in the competition. Now she wants to fight for Ivy. Pleh. Valerie says Ivy was her friend and encouraged her. I wonder what she thought when she saw last week’s episode where Ivy said her drama was wearying. Gretchen thinks Mondo is her biggest challenge. He didn’t think he was going to win, he thought Andy would win. Mondo is not threatened by Gretchen, or at least not as much as by Andy.

Heidi is wearing something much too short, but it has long sleeves and a high neck so she’s following her criticism of Michael’s outfit last week, I guess. She wants them to start from scratch.

In the workroom there are childhood pictures of everyone on their computer screens. Michael looks like his son. Cute! Mondo was a sharp dresser even as a child. Hee. Now everyone is missing their families and whatever. Tim tells them that this is the HP challenge where they can make their own fabric design and make clothes from that. That was pretty cool, actually. It’s a good challenge. There’s an HP person there too, but she’s pretty much an advertisement for HP. An “advitor”, if you will. That’s “advertisement” and “editor”. Hey, if “advertorial” is a word then I can make up words too. They will get $100 at Mood, and they’ll get their fabric tomorrow.
Everyone looks at everyone else’s pictures. Mondo dressed up as a matador once which is something he would wear today. Valerie is inspired by her dad, and is making a print with blue lines like a blueprint. Michael is making a circular print with red eyes and black background with white checks. Gretchen is making squash blossoms. Not like, realistic ones, but the ones you get on necklaces. April is making a print with hearts, but each heart has a person in it, and they’re small enough you can’t see all the details. Mondo’s mom had him when she was young and she told him not to tell people. He is making a bright magenta print with squares. It’s very Mondo. He says it’s actually based on a plus sign, “which is based on…you know…my HIV+ status.” Woah. He hasn’t told anyone for 10 years. Including his parents, because he doesn’t think they know how to deal with it. But he wants to tell them. Tim collects them to go to Mood. Andy’s print is layered circles. Chris has something abstract. I’m still kind of processing Mondo’s announcement.

They start working, and Tim shows up to announce “special guests” whom they should be nice to. Chris thinks it’s clients. They show a lot of “Oh my God!” and crying, then a commercial, then the loved ones come in. Pretty much everyone is crying. Gretchen at first is like “all these babies crying about their mammas” but she then segues into “my mom has a hard life and now I am crying” and did Seth from “Top Chef: Just Desserts” sneak into Parsons? Apparently they made Gretchen’s mom come in way after everyone else so she would think her mom wasn’t coming. It looks like everyone’s mom showed up, except Michael’s son is here too, and Chris’s mom isn’t here, just his boyfriend. But he’s been with him for 10 years, so it’s like a marriage. Tim says the workday is over, so they can hang out for the rest of the day with their loved ones.

Everyone escapes the workroom to go outside and hang out at restaurants and April and her mom get pedicures and whatever. They all talk about what’s happened, Mondo and that period when he didn’t think anyone liked him, and how they threw Michael under the bus, and how Valerie wanted to quit, and all of that. Chris’s husband is very supportive. Gretchen’s mom appears to be similar to Gretchen. Mondo’s mother brought him a bracelet as a gift, and he decides he doesn’t want to ruin her first time in New York and bring her pain by admitting he is HIV+.

The next day, it’s Valerie’s birthday. Everyone basks in the glow of seeing their family members. Some people are rejuvenated, but some are off their game now. Mondo wishes Valerie “Happy 43rd”. She’s taking the time to make patterns. Andy is still not in the zone, and he’s not inspired.
Tim time! April has a lot of black, and a black and white print. Tim tells her he appreciates the emotions she has, but the judges won’t care. Michael needs to make sure it fits. Chris wants to make a shell. I don’t know. Tim tells him he’s over designing a pant. Gretchen gives him a C+. Andy is flailing. He’d rather be home with his family. Michael actually says he likes what Gretchen’s doing. She’s sort of not keen on something, but she wants to put her model in it first. Valerie is making an ice skating outfit, says Tim. No puu-puu platter of construction methods! Mondo won’t tell Tim what the print is about, but Tim loves it anyway. He tells everyone that he is proud of them and gets verklempt.

Model time. Andy makes shorts. Chris’s pants make his model look old. Suddenly everyone is going home for the night.

Andy thinks his look is just OK, and he knows it might not be enough. For some reason everyone says Michael’s print looks like Andy’s. The girls do anyway. But they only show shots of Michael’s print, and then no one interviews about it, so who knows. Valerie wants to win. Everyone is already hard at work when Tim shows up and gives them an hour. Michael sings for some reason. Andy says Michael’s grown on him. Then we see Andy’s print is light gray circles on black, and we know Michael’s print is dark and angular. Nice try, girls. Hey, what was with all the previews of cheating?

Heidi is wearing something ridiculous again. Guest judge is Rachel Roy. You know…I think Heidi is wearing hot pants. April: one shouldered short black dress, with one long sleeve in her print, that looks like hearts, the skirt is a lot of pieces of fabric so it’s poofy and cute. Andy: shorts in black and a sleeveless top that looks like a button down top I can buy anywhere. I think there is also a vest. His print is nice but not super exciting. Mondo: high waisted pants in his print, which fit wonderfully, and a cropped jacket in black with a handkerchief top in a gray checked pattern. Those pants are awesome. Valerie: short dress. The top has two long panels over her boobs and then the rest is sheer. The skirt is ruffly and full and I think that’s where the pattern is, but her pattern is blue lines on black so it’s hard to see. Under the ruffles, at the hem, is a plain band of black. Gretchen: high waisted black pants, with a drawstring? And a sleeveless top with a racerback and a weird v-neck. It’s not that exciting. The back of the pants has a weird loop so it looks like a flap over her butt. Michael: the bodice is in his print, which is purple and geometric, and there are small wings over her boobs, and some yellow accents and piping. It looks OK. The bottom is a plain black skirt. Chris: off the shoulder blouse in an abstract blue ray print, and weird wide-legged pants with a giant exposed zipper.

Everyone has to stay on the runway today. They like Gretchen’s outfit, and Heidi likes the butt flap. Kors calls it “disco earthy” but her squash blossoms in her print are spaced unfortunately on her boobs. Nina is disappointed, as it’s just fine. Rachel thinks it’s “almost” there. Michael talks about the evil eye. Oh yeah, his print has red eyes on it. Heidi and the judges couldn’t see it either. Kors tells him that he tried to design over the print, since it wasn’t too visible, but the front panel looks like a necktie, with a belt over it. Yeah…he’s outlined the panels in the bodice in the yellow and it looks like a tie. Heidi likes that though, but she does say she hates the styling. Nina agrees about the styling. Chris’s print is supposed to be about the water, but Rachel can’t see that. Nina doesn’t think this is fashion, and that applies to other people as well. It’s boring. Chris doesn’t think every time someone goes out they should be loud, but it’s a TV show, so your designs do have to be loud all the time. Andy wanted to be more relaxed. The print is wearable but the outfit is weird. She’s’ not sexy but has hot pants on. Nina is disappointed because she knows what he can do. He explains how his visit from his mom threw him off his game, and he knows this isn’t him. Kors likes the print too, but the whole design is dumbed down. Kors sees a face in her top. Heidi thinks it’s unwearable. April explains her divorce print. Kors likes the top, and the contrast, but the bottom looks like strips of fabric she just stuck on there. Nina say over all it’s interesting. April cut her print just right so it lies straight up her arm. But the skirt seems to be the problem. Valerie’s skirt appears to be made of triangles. Heidi tells her it looks like her napkin dress from the party store, and they put them side by side and they do look sort of similar. Apparently to the judges they are identical. Kors says there’s no life in the fabric anymore. There are like four layers to the skirt, which looks sloppy, and the overall effect is heavy. Rachel doesn’t know her other work, but it needs to fit properly. Mondo tells the judges his print tells a story that is very personal, but he won’t tell them what it is. Nina says she wishes she knew what it was, and then they cut to commercial on shots of everyone looking serious and dramatic music. Please.

Anyway, after the commercial, Nina continues her sentence and says she loves it. The pants are fantastic and Kors loves the color and it’s sharp and when the model takes the jacket off Nina pretty much moans in ecstasy. Rachel says the print is perfect, but his life isn’t perfect, so it threw her off. Seriously? Anyway, Nina says she would put it in her magazine, and finally Mondo admits to everyone that he’s HIV positive, and the print is plus signs. You can tell it takes a lot out of him to admit it, but he doesn’t break down, which is awesome and makes me love Mondo more if that is possible. The other designers are crying, though, as he says he feels so much better. Good thing he went last.

In the Scrap Bin, I expected a lot of fawning over Mondo, but really, they just show Gretchen making it about herself, and saying she’s so glad to have been a part of that. Mondo felt that was the time to reveal his secret, and now he’s free. He felt he might never admit it if it wasn’t now.
Rachel says Andy’s was the worst. Unflattering but his print was fantastic. Valerie’s was super boring and ill-fitting. And the judges are still bitching that it was a repeat of her other dress. Chris had basic pants, a basic blouse, but at least it was constructed well. None of the judges can remember anything else he’s done. Oo, that’s a problem. Kors hates Michael’s dress, but Heidi likes it. Kors calls it “Annie Hall going to the country club”. Gretchen’s print was a good idea, she just didn’t do enough. Kors feels she is the best stylist. April used her print very well. Heidi thinks she is always unhappy in judging, but Rachel points out there are a lot of tortured designers that make pretty things. Of course they all love Mondo. Smart, chic, etc. The pants are joyous, but the print is based on something terrible. So they decide the message is to make something joyous out of bad news, which I don’t know if that’s what he was doing exactly but I like Mondo so I don’t care.

April is in. Mondo wins for the third time! Yay! Now he’s crying. Gretchen is in. Michael is in. Chris is in. Oo, Andy vs. Valerie. Andy is in. Valerie doesn’t seem very upset, but she’s proud of herself, and she goes around the room and talks about how everyone is awesome. Plus she apologizes to Michael. She’s sad to say goodbye because of how inspiring it was to work with other designers. Tim tells Mondo he’s proud. Mondo is scared of telling his family, but he seems prepared. So…no cheating?

Next week: make a dress for Heidi BORING. Gretchen throws things. Mondo is rude apparently. Also apparently there is cheating, but they said that last week and at least one week before that so WTF, Lifetime? OK I just saw a commercial where Lifetime would like you to believe the eliminated designers return and bitch at everyone and Tim tells someone “you will not be returning to the show” like he’s kicking them out. But he could have said “If you don’t turn this crappy design around, you will not be returning.” I mean…I know how producers work. Clicky clicky

Top Chef:Just Desserts 9/29/10--"Glee Club"

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: Seth had, like, a complete mental breakdown. Maybe not complete, but pretty far. He failed to finish his Quickfire, burst into tears, forced the guest judge to comfort him, and then bitched at everyone when his “shopping” at the bar for the Elimination challenge didn’t go as planned. The actual challenge was to create a dessert inspired by a cocktail, which is pretty cool, actually. During plating Seth was overly subservient to everyone, to the point where he was in the way and agitating the whole kitchen. And he probably knocked all of Zac’s chocolate on the floor. Zac was OK, though. Erika won with her margarita bombe and Tim lost with his basil pudding that curdled. (click for more)

Why is this another extended episode, Bravo? You’re just adding in commercials and useless babbling.

Seth says he is “misunderstood”. He no longer cares if anyone forgives him or is nice to him anymore. Eric and Zac lament Tim’s absence, if only for the cigarettes he provided for them. Eric’s feeling good because his lack of technique and pretty plates hasn’t caused him to go home yet.

Gail has Sylvia Weinstock with her. She makes huge wedding cakes, not crazy cakes, but just extremely tall cakes with lots of sugar flowers. For the Quickfire, they must make a wedding cake. Interesting. Oh, but in 90 minutes. Zac thinks Gail has been snorting buttercream. They will get sheet cakes already baked, but they’ll be responsible for fillings and decorations. Winner gets immunity.

Malika doesn’t make wedding cakes so she’ll have to improvise. Heather C. just got engaged. I don’t think most people make wedding cakes. Heather says that fondant tastes like sugar, so you have to add flavor. Yeah, my sister says fondant doesn’t taste good. Danielle says she always uses buttercream. Seth’s never made a wedding cake before, so he decides to just ignore the challenge and make a plated cake and call it an engagement cake. You can’t just ignore the challenge whenever you feel like it. He thinks doing his own thing will make him win. Danielle is irritated he won’t even try. Erika is making Kahlua buttercream. Heather H. made her own wedding cake. Yigit jokes that Zac does not have a diva cake but a hot mess cake. Yeah…it looks like he tried to frost it with chocolate syrup. Eric realizes he is going to run out of buttercream, but he is no worse off than everyone else. Malika’s frosting is melting. She’s not going to finish again. She puts her top layer on crooked, takes it off, and a bunch of the bottom layer comes off too. As she’s freaking out and trying to fix it, Morgan comes over and calls her “Shakey” and tells her to quit shaking the table. Malika explains that Shakey isn’t her name. She’s not going to knock your cake over, calm down. She manages to get one layer done.

Heather H. snobs about how everyone else’s cakes suck, except for Malika, who is in tears. Both Heather H. and Seth comfort her, but it’s her second Quickfire failure. Heather C.: vanilla simple syrup and Nutella buttercream. There are three low layers with cut out fondant snowflakes. It looks simple but not super clean. No one’s does. Eric: pistachio buttercream and apricot brandy filling. He’s covered it in buttercream with roses and piped borders. Eh. Zac: toasted meringue, “fruit of the forest” jam, and dark chocolate ganache. The meringue covers the chocolate ganache, and then there are spiky chocolate pieces on the tops of the layers. Unfortunately meringue always looks melted to me. Erika: mocha explosion with Kahlua buttercream. Sounds good. It looks pretty too. Danielle: cream cheese lemon filling with strawberries and pistachios. The whole cake is covered in piped frosting, so it looks like a baked Alaska, and it’s tinted a light green. It’s a weird color and it kind of looks lumpy. Seth: “engagement cake” caramel chocolate mouse with marsala apricot jam and absinthe honey and olive oil dust. First of all, olive oil dust. Second, your fondant cracked which makes me pleased. He also basically says “I don’t know how to do the challenge so I didn’t bother, but I think this is my best dish ever.” Everyone looks down or away from him and they all look embarrassed. Gail calls him on it, and he says he knew he’d be in the bottom three so he said fuck it and decided to have fun. See, but when Hung decided to have fun and made his crazy cereal landscape, at least that was following the challenge. Sylvia tells him he should have made an effort. Yigit: passion fruit, vanilla and lime soaked cake with vanilla orange diplomat cream. His cake also has vertical piped frosting and a weird half circle on top. It sounds good though. Heather H.: lemon and orange zest buttercream. It’s a beautiful cake with pretty flowers. Morgan: Italian cream cake with coconut rum syrup, cream cheese icing and toasted pecans. It’s pretty nice looking. Sylvia asks him what he thinks of wedding cakes, and he kisses her ass, which she says is a good answer. Malika: aww. While she was waiting to be judged the cake literally fell apart. There is a piece of it that is now on the workbench. Heather H. doesn’t know what’s wrong with people as she’s never been this upset about a dessert not turning out. Malika says there is coconut custard with cardamom and vanilla, and raspberry jam. She hasn’t even plated a piece, but Sylvia and Gail demand tastes. They’re super nice to her too.

Sylvia tells everyone that they did a great job in the timeframe. Seth is on the bottom, as he didn’t even try to do the challenge. Also in the bottom are Malika (delicious though), and Eric (sloppy icing and uneven layers). Eric says the easiest thing to do is get the layers even so this is the most embarrassing moment of his life. Erika’s cake has nice detail work and is tasty, Morgan’s cake is clean, and Heather H. had a delicate cake. The winner is Erika. Oo, upset. Heather H. doesn’t think she should have won.

For the Elimination challenge, they will be on teams. Oh, we don’t have knife blocks here on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”. We have a cookie jar with fake cookies. Seth pulls a cookie that says “Glee” which is exciting until Malika pulls one with “Pep”. So it’s not what you think. Danielle notices that she is on a team with Seth, Zac, Yigit, and Heather C.--basically most of the people who had a conflict with Seth in the last challenge. Gail then calls in a glee club. …Sigh. Zac says that was totally him in high school which is unsurprising. Also there are cheerleaders and a fairly creepy mascot that I think is a sailor possibly. Creepy. Oh, it’s a mariner. I see. The glee club is called “The Rainbow Riders”. …I can’t. Seriously. They both need fundraising, which is why they’re going to have a bake sale. Heather H. was in band. As she says she’s been to band camp, we see a picture of her with a harp. Also unsurprising. 3 hours to bake today, and 30 minutes to prep at the school. The bake sale will be 2 hours long, and the school will give out tickets (worth $1). Each person has to make one thing. Wait…the school will “give out” tickets. So why doesn’t the school JUST GIVE MONEY TO THEM? This challenge hasn’t even started and I’m already annoyed. Also the winning team will get $5000, which would be $1000 for each person.

OK, now everyone must be embarrassed by high school photos. Zac, who clearly watches “Glee”, proceeds to label all the “misfits” in their group: Seth is the jock, Zac is the theater geek (and apparently flexible based on his photo), Yigit is the art kid, Danielle is the valley girl (who totally looks like my downstairs neighbor in her senior portrait), Heather C. “is like the girl who just got broken up with, over and over and over again. The one who’s always crying.” The pep squad group is going more “bake sale” than “pastry chef”. Seth insists on doing a financier, which is a cake without crumbs so business people don’t mess up their suits, because “that’s the only thing I feel comfortable making for a bake sale.” Danielle tells Heather C. she shouldn’t make a whoopie pie because Yigit is already making something with marshmallow and chocolate. She sulks, but I’m not sure why Yigit won that round. Danielle insists that a bake sale must have cookies. Eh…whatever. She’s making peanut butter cookies.

They make it seem like the three hours included the planning time so now they have two and a half hours left. Erika used to make money off her baked goods in elementary school, plus her team has Eric. The Pep team is making chocolate chip walnut cookies (Erika), peanut butter crispy bars (I think Rice Krispy treats, from Eric), toffee brownies (Malika), black and white cupcakes (Morgan), and dulce de leche cookies (Heather H). Eric discovers that Heather C. took all the peanut butter, not that she needs all of it, but because she wants to make sure they have enough. Morgan promptly gets pissed and takes all the butter. Ridiculous. Heather C. tries to convince Eric she’s not trying to screw him over on purpose. Once she measures out what she needs she gives it back to him, so then Morgan is all magnanimous about the butter. It’s still not enough peanut butter, apparently, so Eric mixes Nutella in too. That sounds fantastic. Seth is freaking out and claiming it’s not a financier if he can’t brown his butter but he doesn’t have time, and he totally thinks Johnny will notice, and I’m tired of his talking. THEN he has the balls to claim he’s trying to keep “under the radar”. Yigit is trying to keep everyone calm, but mostly he’s dealing with Heather and Seth. Glee team is making chocolate pudding cups with ginger (Yigit), strawberry shortcakes (Zac), coconut caramel cupcakes (Danielle), peanut butter cookies (Heather C.), and financier cakes (Seth). Wait, didn’t they tell Heather she couldn’t make whoopie pies because it was too much like Yigit’s dessert? Chocolate pudding is not the same as a whoopie pie. Seth puts coffee extract in his mix instead of vanilla, talks about it to the camera people, and Danielle pretty much rolls her eyes.

Johnny comes in to discuss things. He likes Nutella, and thinks Zac’s strawberry shortcake is ambitious. Malika admits her Quickfire screw-up. She is beginning to think competition is not for her. 30 minutes to go. Lots of last minute flailing.

Back at the house Malika is thinking of quitting. Heather H. knows she’s had a rough couple days. Seth is downstairs talking at Morgan, who has sympathy for Seth but knows Seth doesn’t understand a lot of stuff.

Bake sale time. Lots of students. Seth is helping, which Yigit is glad to see. Malika is now not quitting. The pep squad shows up with their creepy mascot and the Pep team yells and screams. Danielle tells her team that when the glee club shows up they need to be just as loud, and Seth says he’s depending on them to do it because he’s “in the zone”. I know he’s helping, and everyone is happy to see that, but it’s that kind of helping where you spend a lot of time going “Look at me helping!” and that is not useful. As promised, the whole team yells except Seth. Zac must represent his peeps. Seth has told his team that he can’t interact with children or he will curse. Yeah, probably. At least he is in the back plating things.

The judges show up to judge. Pep is up first, and Morgan gives the judges the last two cupcakes, as the rest have sold out. The “dulce de leche” cookie is two thin butter cookies, with chocolate and dulce de leche cream filling in between. Yum. The judges I guess taste everything, and like it, but they don’t say anything about Morgan’s cupcakes or Heather H.’s cookies. 15 extra minutes and you can’t mention that? Seriously?

Glee team. Zac put rainbow sugar on his shortcakes, of course, but he baked it in so it’s all mottled like rainbow sprinkles in a cupcake. Yigit’s pudding has caramel and chocolate, and it does have marshmallows, and hazelnut crumble. Seth’s cake has orange creamsicle sauce. Zac’s shortcake is dense. Yigit’s pudding has a lot of ginger, and Seth didn’t follow the challenge AGAIN because his cake is not a bake sale item. The cupcakes are dry. The peanut butter cookies are maybe too simple. Obviously, the producers would like you to know that the Glee team was the worst. But the winner is determined on how much money they made. The winner, by $10, is Pep. Somehow we are to believe $250 is enough to send the pep squad to cheerleading camp, but then Gail says that everyone can go on their trips anyway. Because Bravo is going to multiply the totals by 10, plus another $5000 for the school in general.

Commercial interlude: high school cheerleaders love Morgan. The end.

Pep gets to be judged first, as they won. So the reason we only saw them make comments on three desserts, is because those three were the top. Eric’s dessert was an elevated Rice Krispy treat, which was fantastic. Malika’s brownies were actually Eric’s recipe that she just added toffee too. Erika’s cookies were “the ultimate” according to Gail. Sylvia wants the recipe. However the winner is Eric. Awesome! He’s so pleased.

Danielle starts off for the losing team by saying that working together went better than expected, and that 4 of them made a lot of stuff and also interacted with the kids, but Seth never spoke to anyone and didn’t make an effort. Zac stands up for Seth and says he prepped all the desserts. Seth can’t even stop from interrupting Zac when Zac is defending him. Shut up, Seth. Seth says he was feeling great about their team until he got thrown under the bus. Danielle says she’s going to be herself and that’s her opinion, which the judges asked for. Yeah, but he actually was helpful, I think. Seth doesn’t help his cause, demanding Yigit stand up for him. This backfires when Yigit I think says yesterday he was helpful but not today. Heather C. then pipes up that she wanted to do a cookie, and Yigit tells her she wasn’t forced into anything, except that if she had stood up for herself they would have thrown her under the bus for that too, so what is she supposed to do? Heather all of a sudden is so flabbergasted she can’t form sentences. Seth starts talking about doing this “honorably” and I guess they all think Heather threw them under the bus, but she said she wanted to do something and they told her not to. That’s the truth. Seth is still talking about how they had fun and that they had to have a cookie and blah. Dannielle says the cookie was a great idea but it’s about execution which they haven’t talked about yet. Now is time to talk about food. Seth wanted to make kids get into things they never got into before and whatever, and Johnny tells him “Your role is not to educate people, it is to make delicious food and to make people happy.” Sadly it was perfect, but Johnny makes it clear that it wasn’t a bake sale dessert. Heather C.’s cookie was good, but too simple and maybe too dry. Danielle’s cupcakes were dry. Zac’s shortcake was too messy, but his biscuits dried out overnight and were too tough. Yigit’s pudding was very gingery, and he thinks it sold well, but it made the least money on the team.

Stew Room. Heather C. still doesn’t get why her team is pissed, and Yigit’s response makes it seem like he’s mad she just spoke up without waiting for the judges to make her defend herself. He says it’s selfish. The judges know they’re a dysfunctional team. Yigit complains this is his first time in the bottom, and Heather says she’s never been there at all, which of course irritates everyone because it’s no excuse. Yigit’s poor sales were due to too much ginger. Zac’s biscuit was not a biscuit, and he knew it. Heather really didn’t want to do a cookie, but Gail does remind everyone she took a backseat to make everyone else’s food better. But she could have done a better cookie. Heather is telling everyone basically what Gail said, and that apparently that was her own decision, to do what everyone told her to do. Both Zac and Eric try to explain to her that the judges would have been fine if she’d done a better cookie. Yeah, but they probably would have been fine with a whoopie pie too. Seth’s dessert did not belong at a bake sale. Johnny says he never plays it safe, but Gail responds that sometimes that’s because he refuses to do the challenge. Danielle’s cupcakes were dry, and Johnny for some reason takes offense to her “I do what I know and am true to myself” statement. Back in the Stew Room, Seth I guess is trying to shame everyone into being nice, because he’s still on how great the day was until Danielle threw him under the bus, and she just lays into him. She says he’s a piece of shit, he treats everyone poorly, and he stayed in the back not because he was such a helpful person but because he refused to interact with the students. Seth claims that part was a joke. It devolves into Seth saying his food was better so he won’t be going home so whatever.

Heather C. goes home, to no one’s surprise. She says she should have done what she really wanted to do. Yeah. She seems fairly calm.

Next week: Seth does not care if he pisses off everyone else here. Eric is frightened. Everyone talks shit about him in the Stew Room. Someone passes out. Clicky clicky

TAR17, Recap Leg 1, 9/26/10

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, which, in my opinion, was a bit too long. But we’re back, and this time departing from the EAST Coast, for the first time in six seasons. There’s lighthouses! And Gloucester! It’s dangerous! It’s beautiful! And it’s Phil! From the lobster boats, the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Brook and Claire, AKA Team Infomercial, are hosts on a home shopping network type channel (what are we, describing a new Whose Line game?). Brook says they are communicators that manipulate. I just say you’re loud.

Chad and Stephanie, AKA Team Neverland are dating from Miami Florida. Chad bench presses Stephanie in their intro. Apparently he was a football player. And he has only been with Stephanie for eight months, but plans on proposing to her on the race. (Toyouke: “Oh Lord. Another proposal.”) Maybe she’ll say no.

Katie and Rachel, AKA The Beach Bunnies, are beach volleyball players from New Jersey, and have been partners for five years. They could be good.

Connor and Jonathan, AKA Team Glee, are friends and members of an a cappella group at Princeton. So they sing. A lot. Not that I mind. Connor: “Tenors are tough guys, bad ass, manly.” (Kmanpat: “Yeah, we are!” Toyouke: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!”)

Nat and Kat, AKA Team ER, are heart doctors and surgeons, and self-proclaimed nerds. I’m going to like them.

Michael and Kevin, AKA Team Internet, are a father-son teams from Sugarland Texas. Hey, I have a great aunt and uncle there. Kevin, also known as KevJumba to his fan base, has posted a number of videos online featuring him and his dad. Kevin says that conflicting culture is funny. (Toyouke: “5 seconds in and I love Kevin and Michael even more than I already did.”)

Nick and Vicki, AKA The Geniuses, are dating from Las Vegas. They have tattoos. And Mohawks. And they look badass. But don’t let looks deceive you. . .

Ron and Tony, AKA The Stagemates, are best friends from Los Angeles. And that’s all we really need.

Jill and Thomas, AKA Team Who?, are dating. And outspoken. Hey, I skipped them originally when I started typing this section, so maybe they’ll impress me. (Toyouke: “Still bland and pointless.”)

Gary and Mallory, AKA The Hillbillies, are father-daughter from Kentucky. Mallory is the current Miss Kentucky. And dad still wishes she were a boy.

Andie and Jenna, AKA Team Adoption, are mother-daughter. But Andie gave Jenna up for adoption at birth, and so they met for the first time when they were applying for the show. And they are running the race to get to know each other. Yeah, we all know how that goes.


The camera careens to the Eastern Point Yacht Club where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be twelve legs where each team will get a “small amount of cash”. Phil tells them that their first clue is on their bags. They are to run to their bags, solve the clue to get their tickets, and then to get themselves to the airport, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Oh, but wait, there’s more. There is a new element to the race. The first team to check in on Leg 1 will get a special prize: an Express Pass, which will allow them to skip any one task on a leg that they choose, either before they start it or during. (Toyouke: “"Express Pass"? Is this the new Fast Forward? I don't like it. “) Plus, teams have to drive themselves to Boston Logan in Smart Cars. (Toyouke: “HA Smart cars!!”) Once they arrive, only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight on American. Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. (Toyouke: “Woo! Eyebrow pop!”) GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Eastern Point Yacht Club, Gloucester, Massachusetts

Clue: Travel to London, England, United Kingdom! You may take one of two flights: American Airlines Flight 108, or Virgin Atlantic Flight 12, which departs a half hour later. To get tickets on a flight, teams must drive themselves to the airport. Only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight. Once in London, drive yourselves to Stonehenge. You have $100 for the first leg of the Race.

Teams find routes to the airport. Everyone piles into their Smart Cars. Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Nat/Kat
4- Chad/Stephanie – Stephanie: “I’ve seen Stonehenge!” Chad: “Where? On TV?” Stephanie: “. . . yeah, because I've never been."
5- Nick/Vicki
6- Ron/Tony – Ron: “We’re really good at navigating.” Foreshadowing, anyone? (Toyouke: “A compass is probably a good thing to bring with you.”)
7- Jill/Thomas – Thomas: “Oh, good, at least they speak English.” If he sticks around, later could be fun.
8- Andie/Jenna – (Toyouke: “Wait...mom and daughter have never really spent any time together? They never even TALKED before their application video? WTF is that?”)
9- Connor/Jonathan – get lost right away. Jonathan: “I hope we get out of America.”
10- Katie/Rachel
11- Michael/Kevin

Teams drive to the airport and find the marked parking lot. Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Ron/Tony
2- Chad/Stephanie – who promptly get in the wrong line to catch their flight. Marked flags, people. Do you not watch this show? (Toyouke: “Too bad Chad and Stephanie didn't get more lost. Idiots.”)
3- Jill/Thomas
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Brook/Claire – Claire: “I feel sick.” Brook: “So puke in the trash can.”
7- Nat/Kat
8- Michael/Kevin
9- Nick/Vicki
10- Andie/Jenna
11- Connor/Jonathan – (Toyouke: “Jonathan totally does look like Harry Potter.”)

Once everyone arrives, there’s the jockeying for position, especially from the lost Neverland team and the Beach Bunnies. But Neverland figures out that they need the second star on the right, not the big ass line on the left, and get the third set of tickets. Thus, the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1: American Flight 108
1) Ron/Tony
2) Jill/Thomas
3) Chad/Stephanie
Flight 2: Virgin Atlantic Flight 12
1) Gary/Mallory
2) Brook/Claire
3) Michael/Kevin
4) Nat/Kat
5) Nick/Vicki
6) Katie/Rachel
7) Andie/Jenna
8) Connor/Jonathan

So, teams board their respective flights. We follow the Amazing Red and Yellow Lines across the Atlantic to London. Cue stereotypical shots of London! Teams leave Heathrow for Stonehenge in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas – Thomas gets in the wrong side of the car, and then gets lost.
2- Ron/Tony – they decide they need a map, but then get on the wrong road to Stonehenge. So much for good navigation.
3- Chad/Stephanie – apparently, Chad has a temper. Oh, great, more bag throwing in Berlin. (Toyouke: “Of course the team that is like "We have a fast-paced relationship and I am going to propose after 8 months" is the team that is having the most drama.”)
4- Brook/Claire
5- Nat/Kat – we learn that Nat is a Type 1 diabetic. I wonder if something happens at some point.
6- Nick/Vicki – are lost. Please note: this is a trend.
7- Katie/Rachel
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Michael/Kevin
10- Andie/Jenna – Andie has a hard time getting a hang of stick shift and burns out the engine. (Toyouke: “Aaaannndd another team fails to learn stick shift.”) Jenna is very supportive, but eventually they get help from:
11- Connor/Jonathan

Teams arrive at Stonehenge in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat – Kat: “Those are big fricking rocks.”
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Katie/Rachel – and now Rachel has issues with the car, so Katie gets out to push. (Auburnium0513: “This is entertaining, stick shift flailing AND wrong side of the road flailing together. Excellent.”) And then the car takes off, leaving Katie. Hee.
4- Brook/Claire
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Connor/Jonathan
7- Andie/Jenna
8- Chad/Stephanie
9- Nick/Vicki – Vicki: “I’ve never heard of Stonehedge and find out it’s a bunch of rocks.” (Toyouke: “How can you never have heard of Stonehenge?”)
10- Michael/Kevin
11- Ron/Tony

Teams get the clue which tells them to go to “the castle that’s the opposite of Noreaster.” (Toyouke: “Real clue clue!”) Teams are to figure out that this means Eastnor Castle.

Teams drive themselves to Eastnor Castle and find their way to the Clue Box in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat
3- Brook/Claire
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Connor/Jonathan
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Teams are now instructed to storm the castle. Teams wear hoods as they climb up the side of the castle on a ladder. They are bombarded by peasants, and when they get to the top, they are to take one of the flags on the battlements. Teams then take the marked path to the moat, where they will find a Flo Boat (you know, TAR3, Vietnam, Flo meltdown, Boat, Bike, Boat, Bike, ZACK!!!, Boat, Nonelim, You win, blah, blah, BLAH!) and cross the moat to find a knight in shining armor with the same colors as the flag for your next clue.

Teams climb in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat
3- Brook/Claire – Brook: “We’re medieval!”
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Connor/Jonathan – Connor: “We’re missing graduation for this.” Jonathan: “Do we have time for a bathroom?” Um, No.
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki – Vicki: “Are you a battlement?” (Toyouke: “At least they KNOW they're stupid.”)
11- Ron/Tony

Teams then run to the Flo Boats, and most of them flail as they get their balance. Once it’s all said and done, though, teams get to their knights and get their next clue in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Brook/Claire
3- Nat/Kat
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Connor/Jonathan
6- Chad/Stephanie
7- Gary/Mallory – Gary: “Team Internet looks like carnies in a dunking booth.”
8- Michael/Kevin – (Toyouke: “See, I enjoy that Chad and Stephanie had trouble with the boat, but Kevin and Michael make me sad.”)
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s ready to go into battle with a knight in shining armor?

In this roadblock, one team member must mount the horse with their knight and travel through the battlefield. When the roadblocker dismounts, they must fire a Ballista, a giant slingshot, at a knight 50 feet away, and use watermelons as ammunition. Teams then find the jester to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Look! A jester!” Kmanpat: “Yet sadly, no jester stick.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Thomas
2- Claire – you all know her from the viral video of her stopping the watermelon with her face. (John Vito: “You know how she stopped it? With her FACE!”) The funny part is that Brook shouts right before that shot, “Right in the kisser!”
3- Nat
4- Rachel
5- Connor
6- Chad
7- Gary
8- Kevin
9- Jenna
10- Nick
11- Tony

After much watermelon launching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat – Nat: “You kicked his ass!”
3- Brook/Claire – Claire: “I made it my b1tch!”
4- Connor/Jonathan
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Chad/Stephanie
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Michael/Kevin
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Teams must now get themselves on foot to the PIT STOP, the Eastnor Castle Meadow. The pit stop is somewhere on the grounds, and they must find it. (Toyouke: “That's not very much searching. I mean, they made it sound like it was over the river and through the woods.” Kmanpat: “To grandmother’s house we go!”) This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Jill/Thomas – who win the first Express Pass. (Toyouke: “The most boring team won. Woo.” Auburnium0513: “May I point out they said "first" express pass.”)
2- Nat/Kat – (Toyouke: “Why do people insist on wading through water for no reason?”)
3- Connor/Jonathan
4- Brook/Claire – Claire: "I can't feel my face." Brook: "There are teams behind us, just run!" (Toyouke: “Yeah, that's super proud of your teammate right there.”)
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Gary/Mallory
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Chad/Stephanie – (Toyouke: “Because Chad and Stephanie thought like I did, that the Pit Stop would be far away. But I would have looked around nearby first.”)
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki – Phil: “SO, what country are you in?” Vicki: “The country of London!” (Toyouke: “Even Phil is making fun of them.”)
11- Ron/Tony

And Ron and Tony are the first team eliminated. Ron: “I can always call Tony if I need him.” How cute.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jill/Thomas
2nd – Nat/Kat
3rd – Connor/Jonathan
4th – Brook/Claire
5th – Katie/Rachel
6th – Gary/Mallory
7th – Michael/Kevin
8th – Chad/Stephanie
9th – Andie/Jenna
10th – Nick/Vicki

Next week: The teams travel to a new country: Ghana! Connor: “I want my mom!” Mallory: “What do we do?” Apparently, pray. Until next time . . . Clicky clicky