TAR14, Recap Leg 7, 3/29/09

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Shake Shake Shake Your Hips For Tips teams raced from Novosibirsk, Russia, to Jaipur, India where teams helped out the camels by stuffing hay wherever that they could find a spot. The Flight Attendants had a very cool speed bump, but were slow to complete it and finished in last place. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian
2nd – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow
3rd – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes
4th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
5th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders
6th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen

Jaigahr Fort, Jaipur, India

10:21 AM Tammy/Victor (1st)
Clue: Fly 2000 miles to Phuket, Thailand! Once there, travel by taxi to find the statue in this picture. (The picture is of a giant gorilla, located at the Phuket Zoo.) You must book your tickets either at the airport or at the Riya Holidays travel office. You have $130 for this leg of the race.

(Toyouke: “I am waiting for a mispronunciation of ‘Phuket’.”)

Tammy has been to Phuket before! “But, my parents wouldn’t let me go to the beach!”

10:50 AM Mel/Mike (2nd) – Mel: “Phuket, my favorite city!” Mike: “Do you speak any Thai?” Mel: “Mai Tai.” *crickets* Mel: “That was a pun.” Mike: “I know, dad.”

11:02 AM Kisha/Jen (3rd) – and Kisha gives money to the kids. You may need that later, darling.

11:03 AM Margie/Luke (4th) – Margie: “My arms are tired from signing all the time. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” That’s foreboding.

11:04 AM Jaime/Cara (5th) – Cara: “Jaime is not a patient person, she just doesn’t have strength for noise, or different languages.” Or, really, anything that foreign travel has to offer? (Auburnium513: “That's wonderful, that's exactly why you should go on an INTERNATIONAL race!!”)

11:11 AM Mark/Michael (6th) – Mark: “We know Phuket, it’s known for its diving.”

Teams arrive at Riya Holidays in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Mel/Mike
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mark/Michael
5- Kisha/Jen

Teams arrive at Jaipur International Airport in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara

Teams all end up on the same flight from Jaipur to New Dehli to Bangkok to Phuket, and then the Amazing Red Line takes us from Jaipur to Bangkok to Phuket, forgetting to stop in New Dehli.

Teams exit the airplane and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Jaime/Cara – who find out their driver is named Sek. Cara: “Jaime talks to them like little kids. If I were them I’d be calling her a witch with a b.” FINALLY, after 14 seasons someone realizes that this is NOT the way to talk to locals.
3- Margie/Luke
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Tammy/Victor – who find out their cab driver’s name is Bandit. Victor: “That means teacher in Thai.” Tammy: “Or AWESOME!”
6- Mel/Mike – whose cab driver take them to Patong Beach instead of the Zoo. Oh dear.

After much running around in traffic and asking about the monkey statue (Toyouke: “Gorillas are not monkeys. Gorillas are apes. They don't have tails.”), teams arrive at the Phuket Zoo in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams then find the gorilla hiding in the brush in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Mark/Michael
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams are then told to take a walk on the wild side, or rather, have the wild side walk on them. First, teams should have their picture taken with Esso the tiger. (Auburnium513: “Yes, running around yelling "tiger, tiger" in a non-English speaking country is going to help you SO much.” Toyouke: “I still love that the tiger keeper only has one arm.”) Teams then run to the elephant pen to take part in a traditional Thai performance. Teams then race back to the tiger pen to get their picture which is attached to the next clue. Teams complete the tasks in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael – Mark notices that the tiger handler only has one arm.
2- Jaime/Cara – who call the Stuntmen the Tweedles. Hee.
3- Kisha/Jen - Kisha: “I’m surprised that the tiger didn’t eat the Stuntmen, they’re bite-size! And I just took a picture with a tiger and didn’t pee myself.”
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams are now instructed to travel to Old Phuket Town and find Nguan Choon Tong Herbs Shop, the oldest herb shop in Phuket. (Toyouke: “I wonder if the herb shop has always had that nice English sign proclaiming it the oldest.”) Teams then take turns having the shopkeeper open the 99 spice drawers to find one of six clues. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Mark/Michael
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Margie/Luke
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Jaime/Cara – (Toyouke: “Boy are those girls cranky.”)
6- Mel/Mike

And teams get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
100 Barrels OR 2 Miles
*100 Barrels: Teams travel to Pae Yod Harbor, where they help prepare a ship for 10 days at sea. They must load 53 empty barrels on top of the ship for the fish, and 47 barrels full of drinking water on the deck. Once done, the ship’s captain will give them their next clue.
*2 Miles: Teams travel to a nearby temple and choose a rickshaw. Teams can use the provided bicycle pumps to reinflate tires as necessary. Then, one member should transport the other to King Rama IX Park to get their next clue. Teams may not follow anyone to the checkpoint.

1-Mark/Michael choose 2 Miles
2-Jaime/Cara choose 100 Barrels – and then Bald Snark to 2 Miles when they can’t find Pae Yod.
3-Margie/Luke choose 100 Barrels – and then Bald Snark to 2 Miles when they can’t find Pae Yod.
4-Tammy/Victor choose 2 Miles
5-Margie/Luke choose 100 Barrels
6-Mel/Mike choose 100 Barrels

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael – who first put all of the bike pumps into the box to confuse people. In my opinion, good strategic move. (Toyouke: “That was kind of underhanded with the pumps. I guess it's legal, but coming from racist bastards I am offended. Plus you can't talk about how you are so superior to other teams and then feel the need to mess with them like that.”) Then, they pay their taxi driver to lead them to King Rama IX Park. Ooh, not so good.
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor – who drop off their rickshaw too early.
4- Margie/Luke – and Margie has chills from running in the heat. Um, that’s not good.
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Mel/Mike


Teams are then instructed to walk, run, or hire a taxi to Wat Thep Nimit, a temple in Phuket. This will be the seventh PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in here MAY be eliminated!

Teams check in at the PIT STOP in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor – who win a trip for two to Oahu.
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Mark/Michael – who actually arrived first, but were assessed two thirty minute penalties (Toyouke: “Oh! TWO penalties! Ha on you!”), the first for messing with the pumps, the second for using a guide to the park. The problem is, they run so fast ANYWAY, that the next team only showed up with 5 minutes of penalty time left.
4- Margie/Luke – where on check in, Margie faints into Luke’s and Phil’s arms.
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Mel/Mike – (Toyouke: “This ending ruins the penalty satisfaction. It makes me cry.”)

Mel and Mike are eliminated, and the entire world was saddened by their loss.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Tammy/Victor
2nd – Jaime/Cara
3rd – Mark/Michael
4th – Margie/Luke
5th – Kisha/Jen

Next week: Teams travel to Bangkok and end up in Karaoke Cabs! (Toyouke: “The only thing that would make that better is if they were doing karaoke with drag queens.”) Oh, and Mark and Michael lose their backpacks. Why are people on this race so idiotic all of a sudden? (Auburnium513: “Now we know why they stopped having Phil mug people...the racers are doing it to themselves!”) Until next time! Clicky clicky

TAR14, Recap Leg 6, 3/22/09

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Let’s Run Through Russia With No Clothes On!, teams raced from Krasnoyarsk to Novosibirsk via the Trans-Siberian Railroad. Victor makes enemies when he accepts help and doesn’t return it, and Luke enjoys running naked WAY too much. In the end, the flight attendants finish last and are sadly not eliminated. However, they will encounter a speed bump sometime on this leg. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Margie/Luke, Team ASL, arrive at 12:18 PM
2nd – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian, arrive at 12:24 PM
3rd – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders, arrive at 12:30 PM
4th – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow, arrive at 1:01 PM
5th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen, arrive at 1:02 PM
6th – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes, arrive at 1:28 PM
7th – Christie/Jodi, The Flight Attendants, arrive at 3:09 PM

Novosibirsk Ballet and Opera Theater, Novosibirsk, Siberia, Russia

12:18 AM Margie/Luke (1st)
Clue: Fly 2000 miles to Jaipur India! Once there, travel by taxi to the outskirts of Dhula Village and find the sacred tree, Peepli Ka Pedh. You must connect through Moscow. You have $266 for this leg of the race.

12:24 AM Tammy/Victor (2nd)
12:30 AM Jaime/Cara (3rd)
1:01 AM Mel/Mike (4th)
1:02 AMMark/Michael (5th)
1:28 AM Kisha/Jen (6th)
3: 09 AM Christie/Jodi (7th)

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Mel/Mike – Mel: "Would you fly on an airline named Kacca?"
5- Mark/Michael
6- Kisha/Jen
7- Christie/Jodi

Teams all end up taking flights from Novosibirsk to Moscow, and then the Amazing Red Line takes us from Moscow to New Dehli to Jaipur.

Teams exit the airplane and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Mark/Michael
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Margie/Luke
7- Mel/Mike – who can’t seem to find a competent taxi driver. (Toyouke: “Strangely, I think Mel really will feel bad all day for yelling at the cabbie.”)

En route to Dhula Village, teams see Indian poverty. *insert standard sound bites about Indian poverty on the Amazing Race here* (Auburnium513: “We have a lot of criers this season.”)

Teams arrive at the Peepli Ka Pedh in Dhula in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Margie/Luke
5- Mel/Mike
6- Mark/Michael
7- Christie/Jodi

Teams congregate around the tree and search for their next clue, which happens to be on these incongruous red phones next to the wise men under the tree. In an Indian-English accent, we hear: “Go to Amber Fort, Guera Parvati Parking.” So, teams drive to Amber Fort and arrive in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Mark/Michael
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Mel/Mike
6- Margie/Luke
7- Christie/Jodi

And teams arrive at the sixth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
*no question stated*
In this roadblock, one team member must care for camels by getting food for them that reaches a mark on a pole and filling their water trough until it overflows. Teams must use traditional tools for each task, and once complete, the camel master will give them their next clue.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Victor – who dumps camel feed all over his head. “Tammy, camel feed doesn’t taste good.”
2- Kisha – “I’ve never even had a pet.”
3- Mark
4- Jaime
5- Mel – who is worried that he won’t finish.
6- Margie – Luke: “She’ll be fine; everyone else on the race calls her the ‘Bionic Woman’.”
7- Jodi

Teams finish the roadblock in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Mel/Mike
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Margie/Luke
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Mark/Michael
7- Christie/Jodi

Teams are now instructed to take their taxi to Johari Bazaar and find stall 131, the “Ramniwas Ranagopal.” Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Mel/Mike
3- Mark/Michael
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Margie/Luke
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Christie/Jodi

However, once they arrive, Christie and Jodi find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the first of two speed bumps on this race, teams must travel to Kanahahuman Temple and decorate an elephant for a traditional festival. Once the elephant is painted, they may get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Christie/Jodi

So, Christie and Jodi paint the elephant, get back in their taxi and head to the bazaar to get their next clue.

Now, if a team didn’t have to do the Speed Bump, they get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Movers OR Shakers
*Movers: Teams find the Sanginarigate and locate the ccle rickshaws with nine barrels attached. Each team member must ride a bike with barrels for 1.5 miles to Zuriwarsin Gate and then unhitch the barrels, dump them out and find a small silver elephant. Once they find it, they will get their next clue.
*Shakers: Teams travel to a nearby intersection, don costumes and makeup and join a Rajistani dance troupe to shake their hips for tips. Once teams collect 100 rupees, they can get their next clue from the bandleader.

(Toyouke: “OK, seriously, who is going to pick "pedal this ridiculously overpacked cart and then look for a metal piece the size of your thumb"?”)

1-Tammy/Victor choose Shakers – (Toyouke: “Of COURSE Victor is not uncomfortable putting on makeup and dancing around.” Auburnium513: “I LOVE the split screen of Victor and the camel!”)
2-Mel/Mike choose Shakers
3-Kisha/Jen choose Shakers
4-Margie/Luke choose Shakers
5-Jaime/Cara choose Shakers
6-Mark/Michael choose Movers (Toyouke: “Oh. That’s who.”)
7-Christie/Jodi choose Shakers

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Mel/Mike
3- Jaime/Cara - whose taxi has seemed to disappear in the interim.
4- Margie/Luke
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Christie/Jodi
7- Mark/Michael – who, although they can ride massive bicycles, can’t find an elephant in a haystack.

Teams are then instructed to take a taxi to the Jaigahr Fort. This will be the sixth PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in here MAY be eliminated! (Which we all know should be WILL.)

Teams check in at the PIT STOP (Toyouke: “Oh man. Nose flute.”) in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor – who win ocean kayaks for two. Woo. (Toyouke: “Yeah, go kayaking in San Francisco, where the water is like 40 degrees. Good idea.”)
2- Mel/Mike
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Margie/Luke
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mark/Michael
7- Christie/Jodi

Christie and Jodi are eliminated, but not for lack of trying!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Tammy/Victor
2nd – Mel/Mike
3rd – Kisha/Jen
4th – Margie/Luke
5th – Jaime/Cara
6th – Mark/Michael

Next week: Thailand! Elephants! Tigers! And Margie fainting into Phil’s arms as Luke flips out. Until next time. . . Clicky clicky

TAR14, Recap Leg 5, 3/15/09

Welcome to Leg 5! Kmanpat is in Germany so it’s just me, Toyouke, and hopefully there won’t be an airline fiasco this leg. Let’s start, shall we? Last time, on I Don‘t Know Russian Playwrights But I Know My Star Trek Ensigns, teams raced from Bran Romania to Krasnoyarsk Siberia. Several teams failed at wood stacking but excelled at shutter assembly. Only to fail at locating the proper house to install the shutters. A new twist on the U-Turn allowed Luke and Margie to U-Turn Kris and Amanda in secret, without Kris and Amanda knowing who made them return to the wood stacking. After a Roadblock that combined bobsledding with spelling Russian names, Christie and Jodi somehow managed to come in first, but the U-Turn was too much for Kris and Amanda, who were eliminated. And with that, all of the married/dating teams were gone. Nothing but families and best friends left now. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Christie/Jodi, The Flight Attendants
2nd – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes
3rd – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian
4th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
5th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders
6th – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow
7th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen


Krasnoyarsk Theater of Musical Comedy, Krasnoyarsk, Siberia

12:34 PM Christie/Jodi (1st)
Clue: Ride the Trans-Siberian railroad nearly 400 miles to Novosibirsk (woah, spell-check), Russia! Once there teams must race to the Punkt Technicheskogo Osmotra. Make your way ON FOOT to the Krasnoyarsk station.

“Anywhere with that many consonants in it, is not warm.” I’ll be upfront, I can’t tell these two apart.

12:36 PM Kisha/Jen (2nd) Jen has the longer hair and Kisha has the striped hat. Check. Jen thinks they can beat anyone in a footrace and Kisha also does not want to follow the flight attendants.

Tammy/Victor (3rd)
Margie/Luke (4th)
Jamie/Cara (5th)
Mel/Mike (6th)
Mark/Michael (7th)

Teams arrive at the Central Railway Station in the following order:

1- Christie/Jodi
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Margie/Luke
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mel/Mike
7- Mark/Michael

Kisha and Jen discover the train doesn’t leave until 10:26 PM, so all teams end up on the same train. They only show the first two arriving at the station. They didn’t even show what time they left the pit stop. While they are waiting Mike says “Let the last become first, and let the first become last.” Mel-”He’s quoting the Bible! Thank God! It’s a miracle!” Also everyone complains about the cold.

Train hijinks commence. Well…mostly sleeping at first, but then Mike complains to Luke and Margie about his poor sleeping. Luke runs one finger down his cheek to show his single tear of sorrow. Hee. Mike says he is creating a new archetype: the sinister deaf kid. Victor thinks alliances are falling apart.

Teams exit the train and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Jamie/Cara - who stop so Margie and Luke can follow them. And then complain that their driver is smoking.
2- Margie/Luke
3- Mel/Mike
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Christie/Jodi
6- Mark/Michael - after jaywalking and almost getting hit by cars.
7- Kisha/Jen - who were first off the train, but Kisha directed them the wrong way.

Teams arrive at Punkt Technicheskogo Osmotra in the following order:

1- Jamie/Cara
2- Margie/Luke
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Mel/Mike
5- Christie/Jodi
6- Mark/Michael - who mention on the way that they wouldn’t like to drive in this town.
7- Kisha/Jen

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Russian Bride OR Russian Snowplow
*Russian Bride: Teams choose a car with a 4-speed manual transmission (called a Lada) and find an apartment complex, where they search for a waiting bride. They must then figure out how to get her across town to a particular church where her groom is waiting. Kmanpat here would say, “Oo, cute Russian boys in greatcoats!” Once the photographer takes their picture they will receive their next clue.
*Russian Snowplow: Teams will use a Lada to drive downtown to a stadium. Then they will drive a Russian snowplow through an obstacle course. (Aubernium513: “Is it me, or do these snowplows remind you of Hungry Hungry Hippos?”) As teams arrive, there seems to be a lot of confusion about what exactly is a snowplow. One team member has to drive down one lane, with turns, then turn around and go back. Then they switch so the other team member can do the same thing.

1-Jamie/Cara choose Russian Snowplow
2-Margie/Luke choose Russian Snowplow – Luke thinks Bride has too many steps.
3-Tammy/Victor choose Russian Snowplow – after asking Margie what they are doing. Victor can’t drive stick and he and Tammy laugh about being stereotypical bad Asian drivers. They ask a cab driver for directions and ditch everyone else at the gas station. Then they ditch Margie and Luke again. But it fails because Margie is good at tailing cars.
4-Mel/Mike choose Russian Bride - Mike: “I’d rather party with a virgin bride than snowplow.” (Aubernium513: “Two gay men searching for a bride…how strange is that?”)
5-Christie/Jodie choose Russian Bride - after asking locals for directions but not trusting them because they’re drunk and gropey. Then they apologize to their bride for dressing so poorly.
6-Mark/Michael choose Snowplow - and they are almost too small for the car. They joke that brides are more technical and they don’t need any more.
7-Kisha/Jen choose Bride - they can’t seem to drive stick very well.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Jaime/Cara - after a lot of complaining that no one speaks English and no one will help them.
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mel/Mike
5- Mark/Michael
6- Kisha/Jen
7- Christie/Jodi - because they follow a Fern who leads them to the wrong church. They also talk about the girl while she’s sitting there. I wanted her to start talking in English to mess with them.

Teams are then instructed to drive to the Bibliotekah. Really it has a super long name but I’m not trying to write it down after only listening to it. It’s the largest library in Siberia.

Teams find the library in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jamie/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Mel/Mike
5- Mark/Michael
6- Kisha/Jen - who use their knowledge of Spanish to figure out it’s a library. But have serious problems driving stick.
7- Christie/Jodi - who follow a cab. Then Jodi slams her finger in the door.

And teams come to the fifth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who has stamina and absolutely no shame?
In this roadblock, teams must participate in a winter marathon the way only the bravest locals do: in their underwear. Oh, and then! Then, my friends, the camera pulls back to reveal Phil in his boxer briefs. Kmanpat will be SO jealous. Yum. Anyways, the actual roadblock is to partner with two local runners, warm up for a 10 minute period, and run 1.4 miles to the Novosibirsk Ballet and Opera Theater. This theater will be the PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. Sadly, Phil has put his clothes back on. The last team to check in here MAY be eliminated!

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Luke – boy he raised his hand fast. He is loving every second. (As are we.) Also I love the Rocky-esque music for his running.
2- Cara - she starts walking after a while and gets passed.
3- Tammy - but Victor is jealous because he wanted to run around in his underwear.
4- Mike – who is sad he’s wearing his “big Russian boots”.
5- Mark
6- Jen – who has to change into underwear because she normally doesn‘t wear any.
7- Christie - in a thong. “My dad’s gonna die. I knew it would be bare minimum, but not MY bare minimum.”

Teams finish the roadblock and check in at the PIT STOP in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke – who win a trip for two to San Lucia!
2- Tammy/Victor - Victor likes the ballet dancers. (Aubernium513: “This episode has been FULL of further proof that Victor is on Patrick’s team.”)
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Mel/Mike
5- Mark/Michael - who totally miss Phil in the theater. He has to whistle at them.
6- Kisha/Jen
7- Christie/Jodi – who are NOT eliminated!

Christie and Jodi have been saved by the first non-elimination leg of this season! Next week they will have to complete a Speed Bump. Jamie and Cara no longer trust Victor. And Christie thinks they do best when they’re last.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Margie/Luke
2nd – Tammy/Victor
3rd – Jaime/Cara
4th – Mel/Mike
5th – Mark/Michael
6th – Kisha/Jen
7th – Christie/Jodi

Next week: India! Camels! Possible theft! Poverty! OK, that last one probably shouldn’t have an exclamation point. Kmanpat will be back also!
Clicky clicky

TAR14, Recap Leg 4, 3/8/09

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Let Me Give You a Topic: Markers Are Neither the Right Colors or Arrows; Discuss, Ignore, Repeat, teams raced from Salzburg Austria to Bran Romania. Brad and Victoria flew to Amsterdam instead and missed their connection, opening the way for Tammy and Victor who can’t seem to navigate their way out of a paper bag. Kris left the fanny pack at the detour, allowing Mel and Mike to win their first leg. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow, arrived at 10:49 AM
2nd – Amanda/Kris, Team YDC, arrived at 10:53 AM
3rd – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes, arrived at 10:55 AM
4th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL, arrived at 11:06 AM
5th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen, arrived at 11:07 AM
6th – Christie/Jodi, The Flight Attendants, arrived at 11:08 AM
7th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders, arrived at 11:29 AM
8th – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian, arrived at 1:30 PM

Vila Panoramic, Bran, Romania

10:49 PM Mel/Mike (1st)
Clue: Fly to Siberia! Teams should choose a flight through Moscow to Krasnoyarsk. Once there, travel by taxi to the object pictured on the 10 ruble note (Toyouke: “Yay! Real Clue!”), which is the Soviet Era Hydroelectric Dam.

Mike: “My father is part Woody Allen, part Billy Graham, and a splash of Judy Garland.” We’ll see the splash a little later.

10:53 PM Amanda/Kris (2nd)
10:55 PM Kisha/Jen (3rd)
11:06 PM Margie/Luke (4th)
11:07 PM Mark/Michael (5th) – who try to call ahead. (Auburnium513: “What the hell? You try to call Lufthansa and call another cab? And why did the cab driver hand the phone to the cheerleaders?”)

11:08 PM Christie/Jodi (6th) – who find an internet café to do some research.

11:29 PM Jaime/Cara (7th) – Cara: “Some pretty powerful beavers must have made that dam. . . they must be female.”

1:30 AM Tammy/Victor (8th)

Teams arrive at the Bucharest International Airport in the following order:

1-Mel/Mike
2-Amanda/Kris
3-Kisha/Jen
4-Mark/Michael
5- Margie/Luke
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Tammy/Victor
8- Christie/Jodi

Teams choose flights to Krasnoyarsk. We watch the Amazing Red, Blue, Orange and Purple lines travel to Moscow, where only one continues on, carrying only three teams, since the other five missed the flight.

So, teams arrive in Krasnoyarsk in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Margie/Luke
5- Amanda/Kris
6- Mel/Mike
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Tammy/Victor

Teams now take taxis to the Hydroelectric Dam. They arrive in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Margie/Luke
5- Amanda/Kris
6- Mel/Mike
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Tammy/Victor

The first three teams arrive to find that the dam doesn’t open until 8:30 AM. So teams wait and get the clue to travel to the Church of Saint Innokenty to get their next clue.

Teams arrive at the church in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Amanda/Kris
5- Mel/Mike
6- Margie/Luke
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Tammy/Victor

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Stack OR Construct
*Stack: Teams must walk to the river bank and stack firewood in a traditional method to get their next clue. Teams must rebuild any stacks that they knock over in the process.
*Construct: Teams must travel on foot to a nearby shed where they must build and assemble a pair of shutters and deliver them to the house that is under repair. Once the shutters are hung at the correct house, the owner will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: "If you can't see that the stacks are taller than you, and that the shutters are tongue-and-groove and have minimal nailing, does the wood stacking look like a better detour choice? I mean...we can see those things and they just have a written description.”)

1-Christie/Jodi choose Stack – (Toyouke: “I like the fake Tetris music + locals + accordion = awesome. Oh and that woman is already drunk.”)
2-Kisha/Jen choose Stack – Jen: “It’s like Jenga!”
3-Mark/Michael choose Stack – and eventually knock over BOTH their stack and the example stack. They then do the first Bald Snark of the season and take CONSTRUCT. And then they promptly get lost finding the house for construction.
4-Amanda/Kris choose Stack - and eventually knock over their stack. They then bald snark to CONSTRUCT.
5-Mel/Mike choose Stack- and eventually knock over their stack. They then bald snark to CONSTRUCT.
6-Tammy/Victor choose Stack
7-Margie/Luke choose Stack
8-Jaime/Cara choose Stack- and eventually knock over their stack.

In the hilarity that ensues, the three teams that end up taking Construct are still unable to find the house under repair. Michael: “We’re the caravan of idiots.” Mel: “How can four smart guys and the rest of us not figure this out?” As he says this, the Amazing Editor pans to the house they need to find 50 FEET AWAY. (Toyouke: “Caravan of idiots + Amazing Editors = AWESOME!” Auburnium513: *ROTFL!*) So, they turn around to leave. *sigh*

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Margie/Luke
4- Tammy/Victor – Victor: “That’s Asian engineering for you!” (Kmanpat: “Because Asian people are smart.” Toyouke: “That’s JAPAN people! Get your own stupid quote right!”)
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mel/Mike
7- Mark/Michael
8- Amanda/Kris

Teams are then instructed to travel to the museum of the novel “The Last Bow”.

CAUTION: U-TURN AHEAD

This is the first of two U-Turns of the race. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. In this season, however, the U-Turn is blind, so a team does not have to reveal themselves as the culprits. (Toyouke: “THAT'S a blind u-turn?!?! That is the stupidest shit ever. My ideas were WAY better.”)

En route to the museum, teams arrive at the U-Turn and then get their next clue in the following order:

1-Kisha/Jen choose to U-Turn no one
2-Christie/Jodi choose to U-Turn no one
3-Margie/Luke choose to U-Turn Amanda/Kris – because they are a strong team.
4-Tammy/Victor cannot U-Turn
5-Jaime/Cara cannot U-Turn
6-Mel/Mike cannot U-Turn
7-Mark/Michael cannot U-Turn
8-Amanda/Kris have been U-Turned

Teams find the museum in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Margie/Luke
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mel/Mike
7- Mark/Michael
8- Amanda/Kris

Teams are then instructed to take a taxi to Bobrovy Log Park and search for the next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Margie/Luke
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mark/Michael
7- Mel/Mike
8- Amanda/Kris

And teams come to the fourth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to speed read?
In this roadblock, one team member must travel at 55 miles per hour on a dry bobsled track for 3 miles. They must complete the track in 4 minutes, and search for seven letters while traveling. If the team member does not get all the letters or complete the track in more than four minutes, they must travel again. Then, the team member must take the seven letters and rearrange them to form the name of a famous Russian playwright (Chekhov) to get their next clue. (Kmanpat: “That looks a lot like the fruit clue on the Mole.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Kisha – misses a letter on the first run.
2- Christie
3- Victor
4- Luke – who breaks down when he can’t spell Chekhov because he has enough of a problem with American Literature. (Kmanpat: “Luke’s dancing in the bobsled!” Toyouke: “Hee.”)
5- Jaime
6- Michael – misses a letter on the first run.
7- Mel
8- Kris

After bobsledding, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Tammy/Victor – (Auburnium513: “Kmanpat, I don't care if you don't want him, Victor is yours! the giddy jumping and clapping? The frolicking after the bobsled? He's yours!”)
4- Margie/Luke
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mel/Mike
7- Mark/Michael
8- Amanda/Kris

Teams find out they are to take a taxi to the Krasnoyarsk Theater of Musical Comedy, the PIT STOP of the fourth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Christie/Jodi (!) – who win a motorcycle each!
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Margie/Luke
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Mel/Mike
7- Mark/Michael – who are having a hard time paying the cab driver. (Toyouke: “How are you out of money? What happened to the $585 from the other leg? Jesus.”)
8- Amanda/Kris

And Amanda and Kris are eliminated. But they think that they were screwed by either Christie/Jodi or Kisha/Jen and that Margie and Luke would have been upset by their U-Turn. Oh, how wrong you are. . .

ORDER NOW:
1st – Christie/Jodi
2nd – Kisha/Jen
3rd – Tammy/Victor
4th – Margie/Luke
5th – Jaime/Cara
6th – Mel/Mike
7th – Mark/Michael

Next week: Luke gets a bad rap as the “sinister deaf kid.” And there’s naked running in Siberia (Toyouke: “HAHAHA I GET TO RECAP LUKE IN HIS UNDERWEAR!”) Oh yeah, I’ll be in Germany, so Toyouke has the next one. CURSES! Until next time!
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Top Chef 3/4/09--Reunion summary

Woo, reunion time. (click for more)

Great. Toby gets to hang out. Patrick has a T-shirt that says “I *heart* foie.” Heh. Andy Cohen (God I hate him) tries to make people say they’ll be fan favorite but instead it becomes Stefan saying it might be possible he’s fan favorite. Then Tom says, um. No. Stefan pretends he wouldn’t have shown up if he didn’t think he had a chance. Everyone claps for Hosea the winner. The only person who claims to have been surprised at Hosea’s win is Leah. He shares that she told him, I like you, but I don’t think you can beat Stefan. That’s what most people thought, I’m pretty sure. Hosea montage, which means he didn’t win fan favorite. I remember that a lot of Hosea’s food looked really good. Other contestants say nice things about him, even Stefan. Hosea doesn’t have any plans that he will admit to. He says he has ventures, but won’t say what they are. Tom says some nonsense about how hard it was and how Stefan and Carla just had off days. Toby pretends that he is OK with Hosea winning, which he’s not, because his blog says so. Stefan then claims that he’s glad he didn’t win. Everyone expresses disbelief, but no one makes him explain. This is why Andy Cohen sucks.

Question for Team Euro: What’s the deal with Stefan and Fabio? Why is everything a bromance with Andy? Jeez. Montage of Fabio and Stefan hanging out together and bugging each other, and a lot of Fabio kissing Stefan’s bald head. Eugene wonders if they sleep together. Fabio gives him a shoulder rub and Stefan warns him that his wife won’t be very happy. Then they argue like an old married couple. Back in the studio Fabio insists he likes women so Patrick invites him to join Team Rainbow anytime. (Kmanpat: “Yes please!”) Fabio is flattered but “it’s a European thing, we’re very touchy, very passionate”. Toby asks if they hold hands when they hang out, and Fabio says no, he uses a leash. Hee. We talk about how Fabio broke his finger, which we already know about. Andy gives Stefan this season’s T-shirt: it says “I *heart*” and then a picture of Fabio. That’s it? That’s the best you could come up with? With all of the things Fabio said? Don’t tell me none of what he said was appropriate, when last year’s T-shirt said “boner”. That sucks.

Now we move to Carla and her montage. Wait, Carla’s montage is now? She didn’t win fan favorite? What happened, America? Now she’s singing. She’s got a pretty good voice, but I think people are tired of her. She says hootie a lot. Now when she says hootie to find her husband there are too many people saying hootie to her. She says also that she felt that she was winning when she started to produce good food.

Did you know there’s a birthday curse? Daniel, Eugene, Radhika, and Leah all were eliminated on their birthdays. The best part is that by the time Leah is eliminated they all know it’s happening and she’s like, oh, it’s just a coincidence. After the montage Andy asks who was eliminated on their birthday. Which we just saw. Pay attention to your own show, JESUS. Lots of people think Daniel might win fan favorite.

Commercial interlude: montage of Jeff’s super complicated dishes. That was exciting.

Now we have a question from a view who asks if culinary students are trained in the Heimlich maneuver. Because Tom saved someone at a party. Why shouldn’t everyone know the Heimlich? Why should culinary students get extra training? Aren’t chefs back in the kitchen and away from the diners? Tom agrees with me. He says he couldn’t let the host of the party die. Andy asks Gail if Toby is the Simon Cowell of “Top Chef”. No, Simon is funnier and I am pretty sure he doesn’t practice his sound bites at home before he shows up to work. Gail tries to claim the editing made him look worse than he actually is. Of course Gail thinks he’s OK because he’s not judging her. Montage of Judges’ Table critiques, from everyone and not just Toby. And various contestants talking about how hard it is to be judged. At the end Padma apologizes. Aww, she feels bad about being so mean, and she’s the nicest one! Stefan talks about how nerve-wracking it can be, even if you know you’ve done well. Tom likens it to a restaurant review. Some viewer asks if simple food is the way to win. No, good food. That was productive. Someone else asks about cooking with apples, and how that is easy. Heh. Lauren I think is ashamed but she knows they won’t talk to her for very long. You don’t know who I’m talking about, do you. That’s why they‘re not going to talk to her for very long.

Now is the time for Hosea and Leah. Montage of flirting. Fabio and Carla don’t think it’s serious. Leah doesn’t think anything will happen. She at least is ashamed when they show the clip of them making out. Hosea has no trouble watching it though. When they show Leah crying in confessional and talking about how she has a boyfriend and she doesn’t want to screw that up, at the reunion she starts cursing and asking if they have to show that. Do you not watch reality shows? Of course they do. Hosea says they were drinking but he blames himself. They were trying to hide out. Fabio says that at least he got Leah, because he got Stefan. Hosea’s game was thrown for the rest of the time in New York. When asked if anyone else was offended, Stefan says he doesn’t care what they do, because everyone has screwed around, so whatever. Hosea also thinks that they couldn’t have been the first pair to do anything on the show, just the first to get caught. Andy is shocked, probably because he’s sad he missed it. He wants names, which is dumb, and I agree with Hosea but whatever. Someone says “OK you found out about Tom and I” and Tom’s like, you promised not to tell! I’m not sure who it was but it was for sure a guy.

Back from commercial we’re still on the Hosea and Leah thing. Hosea says he got home from New York, told his girlfriend, and they broke up. Leah “aww”s as if she didn’t already know that, which I’m sure she did. Leah and her boyfriend managed to date for a little bit before they broke up. Hosea then pretends that he and Leah weren’t just caught at a bar totally making out and says they’re just friends. Because they don’t live in the same city. WHATEVER we all know you’re dating so just say so.

Moving on finally. Montage of the Stew Room hijinks. Making beds out of the Ziploc bags, a volleyball court, basketball with containers taped to the wall. I’m so glad all that product placement crap gets used. Leah and Jamie get drunk on beer and start dancing like fools and then go out for judging totally trashed. I guess there was a lot of footage of them laughing at everything and ruining the judges’ table. Tom cracks that this is why they cut you off after the fourth quarter starts, and Leah says “Oh snap! You did not just say that Tom!” Hee. Padma says, “Two words. National. Television.” For reals. Jamie claims they knew they were safe and they needed to unwind. Tom is surprised that didn’t happen sooner. That’s very true. 5 seasons, with alcohol in the Stew Room, and this is the first time anyone was trashed when they went for judging?

Viewer question: who was the biggest crier? Crying montage. Ariane is the biggest crier. That was fun. Someone asks where Stefan’s cockiness comes from. (Kmanpat: “Sweden.“) He says you have to wake up in the morning and know you’re the best. Stefan montage. Which starts with his harassment of Jamie, which is still gross. Actually it’s not a “Stefan is cocky” montage so much as it is a “Stefan loves the ladies” montage. He claims that he likes Jamie’s cooking. Yeah. And her rack. She says she’d need a whole bottle of tequila to sleep with him and she might die first.

Viewer question: why aren’t there any nicknames this season? I didn’t know that was such a big thing. Anyways, here’s a list from the montage: Pocket Chef (Patrick); Big Gay Rich; Don Sorbet Johnson (Jeff, because of his sorbets); OT (Hosea, because his name is from the Old Testament); Gummy Bear (Daniel); Ho Fo Sho (Leah, ha); Hott Dawg (Radhika); Da Brain (Jamie); Fraggle Rock (I can’t see who it is; they had made a list on the chalkboard in the Stew Room); Cougar (Ariane, and she loves it). You mean I could have been calling Jeff “Don Sorbet Johnson” all season instead of “Dildo Beach Club”? Stefan came up with most of these. Also Leah’s was changed to “Ho Fo Sho” from “Black Widow” which is good because “Black Widow” is one of my nicknames and she can’t have it. They bug Ariane about being a cougar for a while and then produce another T-shirt which says “I’m a Cougar in the Kitchen”. Lame. Where is the monkey ass in clam shell?

Gail talks about her wedding for a while and how her food was awesome. There’s a gorgeous picture of her and her husband from their wedding.

Radhika says she never made “traditional” Indian food, just Indian-influenced food. Viewer question: Jamie, you were in the top a lot but you whined about it all the time, what’s the deal? Yes, Jamie, what IS the deal? Montage of Jamie being bitter about not winning. Actually, she complains about a lot of things. Jamie says she’s a perfectionist and she didn’t think that’s how she was. Andy then attacks Jeff and says that in People magazine he said Tom’s food was boring. Jeff insists he was misquoted. The look on Tom’s face says, “Whatever, we both know you said it.” Jeff also said the show used him as a sex symbol, and I do remember that comment. Because they showed him half naked all the time. (Kmanpat: “I’m not complaining.”) Some viewer lusts after Tom. Montage of all the bald men. OK, Patrick is not bald, he has really short hair. As does Eugene. For some reason Andy thought it would be funny to Photoshop hair onto various contestants. I think the funniest one is Hosea, since they put Marcel’s hair on him. Either that or Patrick with Christian Siriano’s hair. Now we have to talk about how Richard had a crush on Tom. Or still does. He works at a bar called “Pecs”. Kick ass. Tom is very embarrassed.

Time for Fan Favorite. Some people were campaigning on Facebook. Richard claims the bear community is supporting him, and Padma makes a comment about bears and how they made Tom what he is today. Ha! The fan favorite is…Fabio. So finally we get the Fabio montage with all the quotes they SHOULD have put on the T-shirts. This includes porn music as they show him in a suit for Restaurant Wars. OK…he did look hot in that suit. Toby says, OK, Stefan, are you glad you didn’t win fan favorite? Heh. Fabio’s going to remodel his restaurant so he’ll use the money for that. His mom is hanging in there. Oh good. Hosea’s dad is a little bit worse. We end on that note.

Thanks everyone for reading all season! I’ll be back when/if they start “Project Runway” and for the next season of this show, which I’m sure they’ll have set up soon.
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TAR13, Recap Leg 3, 3/1/09

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on Your Target is Your Partner’s Face! (Kmanpat: “OK, so that title quote was too good to pass up to reuse.” Toyouke: “I agree.”) teams gallivanted from Switzerland to Bavaria. The Flight Attendants and their rollaboards keep coming in second to last, And Tammy and Victor continue to be awesome, but wait! Watch them unravel this episode! Oh, and apparently we’re not special enough to be reminded about Steve and Linda’s elimination. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian
2nd – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow
3rd – Amanda/Kris, Team YDC
4th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
5th – Brad/Victoria, The Ohio Team
6th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders
7th – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes
8th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen
9th – Christie/Jodi, The Flight Attendants

Schloss Helbrun, Salzburg, Austria

10:13 AM Tammy/Victor (1st)
Clue: Make your way to Bucharest, Romania! First, take the train back to Munich. Then, take a flight to Bucharest. Once there, find a taxi to take you to the Sala Gymnastica. You have $332 for this leg of the race.

The Asians bicker about whether or not to go to a travel agent with their two extra hours. They do, and Victor gives us the first bit of flight information: 3:20 on Lufthansa and 4:45 on Taron.

12:01 PM Mel/Mike (2nd) – Mel: “I’m happy to have a famous son.” (Kmanpat: “And yet, I think more people know who YOU are, Mel.”)

12:12 PM Amanda/Kris (3rd)
12:30 PM Margie/Luke (4th) – Margie: “I thought Bucharest was in Hungary.” (Auburnium513: “No, that’s Budapest.” Kmanpat: “HUNGARY!” Toyouke: “And you’re done.”)

12:53 PM Brad/Victoria (5th) – and we learn that Brad is a recovering drug and alcohol addict. Interesting.

1:17 PM Jaime/Cara (6th)
1:51 PM Kisha/Jen (7th)
2:00 PM Mark/Michael (8th)
2:42 PM Christie/Jodi (9th)

Teams arrive at the train station in the following order:

1-Tammy/Victor
2-Mel/Mike
3-Amanda/Kris
4-Margie/Luke
5- Brad Victoria
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Mark/Michael
9- Christie/Jodi

Teams are now on their way to Munich. Some teams use cell phones to find their way. In the process, Brad and Victoria find the 9:30 flight on Taron, but hope for something earlier.
Teams arrive at the Munich Airport in the following order:

1-Tammy/Victor
2-Amanda/Kris
3-Mel/Mike
4-Margie/Luke
5- Brad Victoria
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Mark/Michael
9- Christie/Jodi

Teams choose flights to Bucharest. (Auburnium513: "Why are they freaking flying??? You're in Europe!! Take trains!!") So the flights shake down:

Lufthansa, 3:20 PM
1) Tammy/Victor – which would have given them at least an hour lead. But, due to mechanical problems, the airplane has to return to Munich after take off.

Taron, 4:45 PM
1) Mel/Mike
2) Margie/Luke
3) Amanda/Kris

KLM, 7:30 PM
1) Brad/Victoria – in an interesting move to get ahead, Ohio opts to try for a connection in Amsterdam, only to have their connecting flight arrive after their Bucharest flight had already departed. Thus, we ALL know what happens to Brad and Victoria.

Taron, 9:30
1) Tammy/Victor – after they rebooked after the first flight issue.
2) Jaime/Cara
3) Kisha/Jen
4) Mark/Michael
5) Christie/Jodi

So, teams arrive in Bucharest in the following order:

1- Amanda/Kris
2- Margie/Luke
3- Mel/Mike
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Mark/Michael
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Christie/Jodi
9- Brad/Victoria

Teams now take taxis to the Sala Gymnastica. They arrive in the following order:

1- Amanda/Kris
2- Margie/Luke
3- Mel/Mike
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Mark/Michael
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Christie/Jodi
8- Tammy/Victor – who can’t seem to find the place.
9- Brad/Victoria

And teams come to the third roadblock. (Toyouke: “Why isn’t Phil in a leotard?”)

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to access your inner Nadia?
In this roadblock, one team member must don a gymnastics leotard and perform three routines: balance beam, parallel bars and floor exercise. Once all three routines are completed successfully, teams will get their next clue from the instructor.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Amanda
2- Margie
3- Mike
4- Kisha
5- Mark
6- Jaime
7- Jodi
8- Tammy
9- Victoria

After much falling and gymnastics fun, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Amanda/Kris
2- Margie/Luke
3- Mel/Mike
4- Christie/Jodi
5- Mark/Michael
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Tammy/Victor
9- Brad/Victoria

Teams are now instructed to take the train to Brasov in Transylvania to the Biserica Neagra. Problem? First train leaves at 6:30 AM. Teams arrive at the train station in the following order.

1- Amanda/Kris – Amanda: “I’m not staying here; it’s kinda freaky.”
2- Margie/Luke
3- Mel/Mike
4- Christie/Jodi
5- Mark/Michael
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Tammy/Victor
9- Brad/Victoria

Teams then arrive in Brasov and make their way to the church. They get their clues in the following order:

1- Amanda/Kris
2- Christie/Jodi
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Margie/Luke
7- Mel/Mike
8- Mark/Michael
9- Brad/Victoria


And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Gypsy Moves OR Vampire Remains
*Gypsy Moves: Teams must travel to a nearby gypsy camp and load a family’s belongings onto a cart, which they much then transport 300 yards to a new location and unload the cart. Once their, teams get their next clue.
*Vampire Remains: In a very Survivor challenge, teams travel to the grounds of Bran’s Castle, of Vlad the Impaler fame, and follow the MARKED PATH (which says “To Coffins” and “To Impaling”. Toyouke: “Hee.”) to an area with coffins. Teams choose a coffin and take it to an impaling stake where they must unlock a series of chains to find the mirrors inside. Teams then drive the mirrors through the stakes to find a red and yellow flag, which they hand to Death to get their next clue.

1-Amanda/Kris choose Gypsy Moves
2-Mel/Mike choose Gypsy Moves – Mike: “Why did you choose the more physical task?”
3-Kisha/Jen choose Gypsy Moves
4-Tammy/Victor choose Vampire Remains – in a very hay bale rolling maneuver, Victor convinces Tammy to follow red and white marks on the trees to get to the tax. Tammy: “But the markers are usually red and yellow arrows.” So, they climb a mountain, and Victor, being the smart older brother, decides that he’s right and they should NOT go back down the hill. (Kmanpat: “Realize that if this was me and Bethie, she would have kicked my rear about five times by this point for not listening to her.”) Anyway, they finally go down the hill after finding a double headed arrow (Toyouke: “Hee.”), find a coffin, and promptly lose one of the keys.
5-Christie/Jodi choose Vampire Remains
6-Mark/Michael choose Gypsy Moves
7-Jaime/Cara choose Vampire Remains
8-Margie/Luke choose Vampire Remains
9-Brad/Victoria choose Vampire Remains

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Amanda/Kris and Kris loses the Amazing Fanny Pack. (Auburnium513: “Don't let go of the damn fanny pack!! Don't you people watch this show??”)
2- Mel/Mike
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Margie/Luke – (Toyouke: “Luke in glasses is totally cute.” Kmanpat: “Isn’t he?”)
5- Mark/Michael
6- Christie/Jodi
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Tammy/Victor – (Auburnium513: “OMG, is he crying?” Toyouke: “He is SUCH a drama queen. Maybe he’s one of yours.” Kmanpat: “I’m sorry, I’m not claiming him. Even I know that the Race colors are red and yellow unless otherwise specified.”)
9- Brad/Victoria

Teams find out they are to take a taxi to Vila Panoramic, the PIT STOP of the third leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Mel/Mike – who win a trip for two from Costa Rica. Mel: “That’s his favorite place!”
2- Amanda/Kris
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Mark/Michael
6- Christie/Jodi
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Tammy/Victor – Phil: “I’m sorry to inform you that you are the second to last team to arrive.”
9- Brad/Victoria

And Brad and Victoria are eliminated. That’s the shocker of the evening.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Mel/Mike
2nd – Amanda/Kris
3rd – Kisha/Jen
4th – Margie/Luke
5th – Mark/Michael
6th – Christie/Jodi
7th – Jaime/Cara
8th – Tammy/Victoria

Next week: Siberia! Wood! Luke! Until next time! Clicky clicky

Top Chef 2/25/09--"Finale pt. 2" summary

Previously on Top Chef: the first part of the finale took place in New Orleans. Bravo thought it would be great if they let one of the eliminated contestants back on the show to compete with the people that actually made the final. Jeff won the Quickfire and was then told that he had to win the Elimination challenge in order to stay in the competition. Even though he made some decent food, apparently his sterno cans flavored everything and he didn’t win. Carla made the most fantastic food ever, if you listen to what the judges say, and she won the challenge and a car. It looked sketchy for Stefan for a minute but in the end Fabio went home because his food just wasn’t right. Now no one is left to give good sound bites. (click for more)

And another thing. How many “extended” episodes did we have this season? And the damn FINALE isn’t extended? What the hell Bravo?

Everyone is excited to be in the finale. Are you surprised? The final 3 have breakfast on a paddleboat, where they chit-chat over coffee and beignets about how exciting it is. It’s the usual discussion about how important this is, aside from Stefan, who takes this opportunity to tell us his food in the last challenge was way better than Hosea’s. Yeah. Eventually they end up at the New Orleans Collection Museum, meeting Padma and Tom. The knife block is there. Each of them must make a 3 course meal, serving head to head, making whatever they want. Tom also reminds them that they don’t have to do dessert if they don’t want. I’m thinking with only 3 courses they may pass on that. The cooking will be done at Commander’s Palace. 12 judges and guests. 2 hours to prep and 3 to cook tomorrow. Of course there is a twist and some sous chefs to help out. Carla understands that they wouldn’t bring back eliminated contestants again, since they already did that. 3 figures show up under the archway and it takes forever for them to get into the light and we see it’s Marcel, Casey, and Richard. Lord. Marcel has giant 70’s sunglasses on. God he looks like a tool. The knife block is for pecking order. Hosea picks Richard (who looks like a woman today, sorry, but I look at him and think “lesbian”), Stefan picks Marcel (Jesus H. Christ that combo), so Carla gets Casey.

At the Audubon Tea Room everyone starts collecting ingredients. Hosea grabs like 3 foie gras, but Stefan is too slow to figure this out until Hosea is across the kitchen. He demands that Hosea bring them back so he can have 2. Wait…Hosea took all 3 livers, and Stefan claims he took them first so he wants 2, which would leave Hosea with one. I think. Hosea is all, finders keepers, dude, and gives him one. Heh. Stefan continues to bitch, so Hosea offers to split one with him so they each have 1.5, but Stefan gets martyred and is like, whatever keep it. That was so pointless. Richard takes scallops out of a can. No, seriously, it’s a can that says “oceans alive scallops” on the side. Hosea only has the barest outline of courses (raw fish, scallops and foie gras, and game) and he claims he’ll figure it out tomorrow. That doesn’t sound promising. Stefan is now realizing Richard and Hosea took all the caviar. Was he asleep or something? Why didn’t he grab anything he wanted? Carla is making French food and something comforting. Casey tells her to sous vide something, which Carla hasn’t done before. Stefan is making “basic” food which probably is killing Marcel. He doesn’t get to talk, Marcel. Hosea ominously interviews that they can’t screw up or forget anything.

Commercial interlude: Bravo has hired a “voodoo tarot card reader” according to Carla, to amuse everyone. Stefan wants to know about Jamie. That is disgusting, you tool. Then he says he stabbed his voodoo dolls of Hosea and Carla. See, that was amusing, while still lusting after Jamie is gross.

When everyone shows up for work in the morning, Tom is there with a giant platter with an alligator. Oh, there’s some other stuff too, but probably everyone only saw the alligator. There’s one more course coming. Why couldn’t they tell them this yesterday? I’m all for the random “make food out of this crazy” challenge, but why does it have to be sprung on people last minute? Everyone has to make an appetizer for a tray pass before dinner. Someone gets crab, someone gets redfish, and someone gets the alligator. To decide, we have…not the knife block, but a king cake. (Me and Kmanpat, in unison: “Don’t cut the baby!”) Whoever gets the baby not only gets to pick their protein, but they also assign the other chefs’ proteins. Everyone gets their sector and commences eating. Hosea wins. King Hosea. He takes the redfish, giving Carla crab and Stefan alligator. You knew that was happening. In confessional he flips Stefan off and laughs. Stefan seems annoyed but resigned, like he knew as soon as he saw that alligator that he was getting stuck with it.

Frantic cooking begins. Carla shrieks because the crabs have pinched her. She’s making soup for her appetizer, as is Stefan. Hosea is serving corn cakes with blackened redfish on top as his appetizer. We get a peek at his whole menu: trio of sashimi, scallops and foie gras with pain perdu, venison loin with wild mushrooms. Pain perdu is like French toast. He says dessert is not his strong point. Stefan, in addition to alligator soup, will serve halibut and salmon carpaccio with microgreens, squab with braised red cabbage and schupfnudeln, and ice cream and chocolate mousse with vanilla syrup and lollipops. Schupfnudeln are potato noodles. (Kmanpat: “Gesundheit”). Stefan has liquid nitrogen, and I hope he let Marcel play with it. Carla has crab soup, seared snapper with saffron aioli and brioche crouton, sous vide NY strip steak with a potato rod and merlot sauce, and cheese tart with apple coins and marmalade. However, Casey suggests a soufflé instead of a tart. Casey is full of ideas…I don’t know how I feel about that. Stefan wants to freeze his carpaccio to slice it thinly, and Marcel is very confused about why you would freeze good fish.

Guests begin to arrive, and are immediately greeted with cocktails. Aside from the usual judges, I manage to spy Fabio (yay!), Rocco (boo!), and also John Besh (who you may have seen most recently on “Next Iron Chef”). Those are just the people I recognize on sight. Other judges include Ti Martin, who owns Commander’s Palace, and Susan Spicer, owner of Daytona, and Hubert Keller. Hosea has plated his blackened redfish on corn cake with Creole remoulade and micro cilantro and corn shoots on upside down tall shot glasses. They look cool, especially since Richard helped him and something is (lightly) smoking on each one. When the waiter passes them out he leaves the shot glasses too. The judges seem to enjoy all of it. Stefan has alligator soup with celeriac, parsley leaves, and puff pastry, in cappuccino mugs. They like this one too. Damn, Toby is there. Carla’s “soup” is in Chinese soup spoons. Sigh. I say “soup” in quotes because even though it says shiso soup with blue crab and chayote Thai salsa, it isn’t very soupy. Oo, Branford Marsalis! Sorry, distracted. They like that you can taste the crab.

Someone decides to plate in the walk-in. I think it’s Richard and Hosea, with the sashimi. Everyone gets introduced as they serve the first course. It’s pretty swanky, lots of big names. Stefan managed to claim some caviar for his Carpaccio, which looks…fuzzy. Carla’s snapper has a grilled clam for some reason. It’s busy. Hosea’s dish gets more detail: tuna, hamachi and black bass with fennel oil, citrus and fried tempura batter bits. A lot of people praise Carla’s dish, but Tom’s comment is cut like he said something nice and then something not nice. Hosea didn’t have enough salt. Stefan froze the fish and it’s watery (only Tom seems to think that). Toby says Stefan and Hosea made perfectly executed dishes that were boring, while Carla’s dish had personality.

Round 2. Stefan’s squab has grape jus and looks fantastic. Carla’s dish is odd looking, but, steak. Hosea’s scallop and foie gras has apple preserves and foie gras foam and candied pecans. Foie gras foam? Nasty. Carla’s meat is tough and it has no soul. The squab is excellent, but Gail can’t stop eating Hosea’s dish. Rocco is complaining about not wanting any more foie gras, and there is a great shot of Gail bopping her head like she is singing “LA LA LA” in her head to drown him out. Branford says he could eat foie gras all day.

Round 3. But before that, Carla watches her soufflés in the oven window and realizes she didn’t turn the oven down, so her soufflés boiled over and curdled. She won’t serve them, but she’s pretty bummed. Stefan’s ice cream is stracciatella flavored and the lollipop is vanilla. So when I searched for “stracciatella” the first results that come up are for “Roman-style egg drop soup” which is pretty confusing. But it’s also vanilla gelato with chocolate shavings. Poor Carla is only serving an apple tartlet with blue cheese and walnuts. It’s all Casey’s fault. The marmalade is kumquat, and Carla tells everyone her soufflé failed. Hosea’s pan roasted venison is served on chestnut and celery root puree, with blackberry demiglace and carbonated blackberries. Gail is relieved that something happened and Carla didn’t just get lazy on her third course. Stefan’s whole set of dishes was good, but Tom is under impressed with the dessert. Gail thinks the presentation is dated. It is kind of “eh”. Hosea’s dish is well done. Stefan’s final impression isn’t exciting. It kills Fabio to say, but he thinks Hosea did a better job with his last course. Hubert Keller is almost insulted that Hosea didn’t take a risk and push himself with a dessert, because this is “Top Chef”. Huh? Chefs don’t bake. Most of them.

Carla is worried but she knows that she put her heart and soul into her food. Hosea is proud of his food too. Stefan is the only one to express doubt and say it’s up to the judges. Looks like Stefan just won.

The “Top Chef” reunion will be next week at 9/8 Central, in case you were wondering. Andy Cohen will get on my last nerve and he’ll make Hosea and Leah talk about themselves. But you probably already knew that.

As I am at this point a friend of mine just instant messaged me a comment about the winner. THANKS FOR NOTHING. Judges’ table time. Carla is up first, and they praise her up until the sous vide, which made for poor texture and “anemic” food according to Toby. They ask how much Casey helped her, and she admitted that the sous vide and also the soufflé were her idea. She let Casey talk her out of the food that got her there, and also if you’ll notice the two things that failed were all Casey’s idea. Hosea is up next. He wanted big flavors. He also admits it was fun to stick Stefan with the alligator. Toby wanted more citrus in the sashimi. His second course was very well balanced and his best dish. The venison was also earthy and his dish looks so tasty. Maybe because I am hungry. Toby tries to get him to admit he can’t make a dessert, but Hosea just says he went with his strengths and it was only three courses. When Gail brings up the watery carpaccio that Stefan served, he is just like, did it taste good? As if that would make watery fish not matter. Luckily for us Tom jumps in and says no, it did not taste good. The squab gets praise and Tom calls it the strongest dish of the night. Stefan talks about how dessert ends the meal, and Gail asks if that dessert is the last thing he wants the judges to taste, and he says yes. They ask everyone why they should win, and Stefan says he is great and the best, and Hosea and Carla talk about putting themselves in their food. Carla starts to cry. Poor girl.

The judges’ deliberations start off right away with the elimination of Carla. You guys. Car curse. Stefan and Hosea come from different places, but both have their strengths. Stefan’s menu was better thought out, but his carpaccio was not well executed. His squab was the clear winner for that course, but the dessert was “pedestrian at best”. And that comment is from Padma. Hosea’s menu was thought out, and was an excellent progression from light to heavy. Gail thinks Stefan was more precise, but Hosea had more soul. Toby pipes up that if they’re giving it to the chef with the most soul they should give it to Carla. Hee. Toby’s blog says he and Tom had a giant argument about this, and Toby lost.

Tom praises everyone for doing so well, and says the decision was made based on how well the meal tasted overall from start to finish. Congratulations to Hosea! Stefan thinks if he had made another dessert he could have won. He also claims not to be bitter. Carla regrets not doing her food, but she’s very proud of competing with love. Hosea is extra glad to have kicked Stefan’s ass. Leah comes to give him a kiss but I think he dodges her a little bit. Ha.

Reunion next week!
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