Project Runway All Stars 3/31/16--"Once Upon a Runway" summary

Previously on “Project Runway All Stars”: so the judges decided no one could pick out fabric ever. The answer to that is obviously to assign types of fabric to everyone and then force them to switch fabrics with other designers once purchased. Everyone traded around but you will note that Kini and Sam, two designers who have “drama”, exchanged fabric with each other. There was a lot of Sam crowing that he found something awesome to do with Kini's shit fabric, and a lot of Kini bitching that he couldn't do anything with Sam's shit fabric. Kini made a horrible horrible lace bathrobe but was safe somehow. Dom created a striped skirt out of solid colors of linen, and it was really cool, so she won. Valerie's jumpsuit was boring, and Layana's was puckery and tacky, but I guess boring was more of an issue because Valerie was sent home. (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 3/24/16--"Bait and Stitch" summary

Previously on “Project Runway All Stars”: the designers were supposed to make “couture” with a Baroque inspiration. Really that meant a lot of brocade. Sam got help from people and I guess because he didn't tell anyone he had help everyone is still mad at him. Whatever, you guys. I get it, no one likes Sam. Layana made a great coat which was not brown but dark red, at least I thought so. The judges didn't like it. Ken made a very dramatic long gown and cape in dark bronze sequins and he won. It was actually a great dress. Mitchell had all these ideas but he ran out of time and failed so he was eliminated. I am fine with it because he should have gone home for that hot pink travesty from a couple of weeks ago. (click for more)

Top Chef 3/17/16--"Finale" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: we had a whole season in California. Jeremy did really well and then screwed up a bunch of times, then the last episode or two he was great again. Amar was fine but was eliminated. He won Last Chance Kitchen and is now in the finale. I like Amar but the fact that Tom didn't want to eliminate him in the first place makes me suspicious. “Project Runway” has ruined reality shows for me because now I'm always assuming there are producer shenanigans. (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 3/17/16--"Going for Baroque" summary

Previously on “Project Runway All Stars”: the designers were asked to design winter outfits for naturalists. To be fair, the task “design clothing for people who normally do not wear clothing” is an interesting challenge. So you know this show didn't explore any of those ideas. Mitchell got a high score because his clothing was not super tacky and “boring” is a success for him. Valerie made a big bathrobe and Sam a boring maxi skirt and sweater. Both clients liked the outfits, which I guess is something. Then the judges decided not to eliminate anyone which is some bullshit, and then no one was happy about it (obviously) and Alexander said “Maybe we should all flirt with the judges” which is cold but also true. (click for more)

TAR 28 Recap Leg 5, 3-11-16

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Remind ME Again What Country Switzerland Is In, 9 teams flew on the same flight from Colombia to Switzerland. #Blodie was established, and the Detour was Steady versus Accuracy. Teams had to know their flags in order to catch trains to the Pit Stop in Chamonix, which ended in 8 teams pretty much vying for first place, and the models Brittany and Jessica being eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Top Chef 3/10/16--"Magic Hour" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: an ACTUAL Sudden Death Quickfire involving...toast...had Carl and Amar battling to not be eliminated. Sadly Amar lost and was sent home right away. Then Hubert Keller came out and said everyone would be cooking the last meal before the finale at the location of the first ever Quickfire. Never mind that it's closed. This will be the last meal to come out of the Fleur de Lys kitchen. No pressure. Jeremy impressed everyone with his potatoes and fish and won the challenge. Carl tried to make a foie gras torchon in 3 hours instead of 3 days and was eliminated. (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 3/10/16--"Birthday Suits" summary

Previously on “Project Runway All Stars”: we had the usual “unconventional materials” challenge. You guys know how it works. Anyway, the judging was the usual shitshow, because Kini and Dom made really cool outfits and were safe, and Mitchell put hot pink medical tubing and sheriff's badges all over his model and he was safe too. Sam won with some dumb shapeless coat, which, fine. But then everyone wants to flirt with him which is terrible even if he's cute. No chill. Stella was eliminated for making boring mall clothes. I think boring clothes are better than fugly clothes, but I clearly am not in charge of anything. (click for more)

TAR 28 Recap Leg 4, 3-4-16

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Maybe You Should Talk to the Person Who Gave You the Clue Before You Lose, 10 teams kept racing through Colombia. Tyler and Korey somehow leapt into the lead, while Zach and Rachel start to implode, because they can’t count. But it’s Brodie and Kurt who retake the top spot, and Darius and Cameron who get eliminated after being unable to find the person with their Roadblock clue. Sigh. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Top Chef 3/3/16--"Back Where It All Started" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Martin Yan was here which was super awesome! Everyone made chop suey and Marjorie won. She got to pick her partner for the Elimination challenge and then assign everyone else's partners. The partners were eliminated contestants just for fun. Spoiler: there was no drama from this move even though one of the eliminated chefs was Phillip. The actual contestants had to make up a concept for a fast casual restaurant, then make a menu and one dish to serve the judges. Carl created a southern Mediterranean menu plan which looked really good and ended up beating out Marjorie's pasta idea for the win. Kwame wanted to do chicken and waffles, which was a good idea, but he used frozen waffles and was eliminated. (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 3/3/16--"Fashion 911" summary

Previously on “Project Runway All Stars”: designers were paired up to create red carpet looks for Little Big Town for the Academy of Country Music Awards. The venue is important in red carpet challenges because the same thing that you could sort of get behind for MTV is way too tacky for the Golden Globes and so forth. Plus we are talking about two members of the same group so they have to mostly coordinate. The “make the two looks opposites of each other” is dumb but it's Project Runway so what are you going to do? Asha and Alexander made the only two items that went together AND were appropriate so they won. Mitchell made a horrible gathered and draped pink skirt and Daniel Franco put his model in her underwear and then wrapped her in lace, basically. They were both terrible and I don't know why they didn't eliminate both of them but in the end they only eliminated Daniel Franco. Probably because Mitchell hasn't caused enough drama yet. (click for more)