Project Runway All Stars 12/18/14--"Mix and Match.com" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: a weird gimmick with dice meant that everyone had a specific fabric and a specific event to design for. This ended up being the most unimportant criteria ever because I don’t think anyone cared. Sonjia won for making a tacky gold dress. Gunnar just failed so he was eliminated. (click for more)

Top Chef 12/17/14--"Big Sausage" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: everyone had to make chowder, which was expected. I mean, they’re in Boston. Anyway, Katie lost and it was a Sudden Death Quickfire so she had to battle. They brought back all the eliminated contestants for no reason and they threw in George because he was the first out. Dumb. He was so terrible he didn’t even last a whole episode! Anyway, suddenly he’s better than Katie so she went home and he got to stay. So then the judges did the shopping for everyone, but they didn’t try to screw people as much as I thought they should be. Make dishes for Top Chef fans. Doug won for being awesome. Adam scalded shrimp in oil and that was a fail so he got sent home. Or technically to Last Chance Kitchen. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 11, 12/12/14

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Our Oxen Are Definitely Still Broken, teams journeyed from Singapore to Manila, where somehow the Wrestlers took the lead, and Jim’s amazing attention to detail slowed down the Dentists once again.  A switchback caused a slowdown to all the teams, but it was the Wrestlers who ended up in last, but were not eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 12/11/14--"Luck Be a Lady" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: the show paid to take everyone to London so they could meet Duchess Fergie and then make coats. Fabio won with a cute coat with pleats, and Ben was eliminated for poor fabric choice and clear vinyl pockets. (click for more)

Top Chef 12/10/14--"Clean Up in Aisle 2!" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Restaurant Wars! One team was awesome and one team sucked, as always happens. Doug was the executive chef of his team, and he won for making pork and beans. That was the good team. The bad team had Katie for an executive chef, and she flailed and was useless. Keriann’s dessert was terrible, and set up weirdly, and then she didn’t leave an example and no one asked her if it was OK if they changed it. Then it was still terrible. In the end, Keriann was sent home. Yeah, that wasn’t her dish, but it’s not like she was going to make the finals or anything. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 10, 12/5/14

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Surfin’ Through Singapore, five teams race to Singapore.  Cyclists start strong by getting a better flight, but then lose a surfing Fast Forward to the surfers, who finish first.  Even with a clever misdirection from the Wrestlers, Kym and Alli find themselves in last place and are eliminated.  Misti and Jim were safe, and allow the Save to go unused.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 12/4/14--"Designing for the Duchess" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: everyone was supposed to make party dresses about their love lives. It was just as vague as it sounds. Also thanks to MoHub for pointing out to me that it wasn’t Ben who wrote the love letter on the dress that time. Helen’s dress had weird droopy rings of fabric around her arms but she won. Sure, I guess. Kate’s dress was a terrible color and the hem was unfinished so she was eliminated. (click for more)

Top Chef 12/3/14--"Restaurant Wars" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: cooking with cranberries, which resulted in a Quickfire win for Katie, and then a “traditional” Thanksgiving meal cooked outside in the summertime. Fun. Gregory stumbled, but survived. Katsuji won, and then Stacy lost and was sent home. It seems like so long ago. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 9, 11/28/14

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on The Wide World of Greased Pole Racing, six teams raced from Sicily to Malta.  The teams hatched a plan to U-Turn the Cyclists, who are one of the strongest remaining teams.  Adam and Bethany use their Express Pass, putting them in first, and Tim and Te Jay slip up the pole too many times and are eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 8, 11/21/14

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on Put Your Foot to the Florio, six teams raced to Palermo, Italy on the island of Sicily.  Much of the leg was occupied by the rivalry between the Cyclists and Dentists, ending in the fourth win for the Dentists.  Tim and Te Jay continued to flail and resulted in their last place finish on the second non-elimination leg.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 11/20/14--"Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: there was a weird challenge with “Wicked” and everyone was supposed to make either “good” or “wicked” outfits. I read that apparently they were told that their clothes were supposed to be 20% the other thing! So Chris had pink ruffles and Gunnar had black chevrons and stuff. Why didn’t you say that? It would have made so much more sense! Plus it was a big thing Fabio made pants but Jay made pants too. And they tried to pretend Fabio was the only one who didn’t follow the rules. Anyway, Sonjia won and Chris was eliminated. (click for more)

Top Chef 11/19/14--"The First Thanksgiving" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: some head-to-head battles with product placement. Gregory wins, even though his battle was with Mei which is clearly the best battle. Then there were “battles” where everyone served head-to-head but didn’t have to match their food to anything in particular except for not having a lot of money. It was fun to watch but not particularly exciting to talk about. Aaron’s dashi fell on the ground, which was terribly sad. Adam, Katsuji, Gregory (beating Mei again), Stacy, and Katie won. Katie beat Aaron, who tried to be a dick about her choice of cake and was shot down. Then Aaron was sent home for making terrible scallop noodles. Plus currently he’s out on bail for assaulting his girlfriend, so way to go. (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 11/13/14--"Something Wicked This Way Comes" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: the standard unconventional materials challenge. This time with construction materials. Woo. The usual people not knowing what to do and not making things feminine enough which is a dumb requirement anyway. Justin won with a dress made out of zip ties tied onto mesh like fringe. Alexandria was out because her dress wasn’t “feminine” enough and also it was a tarp with a two foot wide circle of mesh for a hem. (click for more)

Top Chef 11/12/14--"It's War" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Katsuji was kind of annoying but he won immunity for making the best bar snack for George Wendt. Mostly Aaron was annoyed so who cares, right? Then everyone had to get in groups of three to make a three-course Italian meal. Right as service was starting they surprised everyone by having a guest judge who was gluten-free. I have a problem with this twist, because of how manufactured it was. Sure, in real life chefs have to accommodate people. Mostly. But they also specified the second course HAD to be pasta. In reality your second course could be risotto or something, but they couldn’t have that because then there might be a team that didn’t have to deal with the twist. So I feel like they forced everyone to make pasta, just so they could “surprise” them and make them scramble. Anyway, even though Aaron and Katsuji ended up on the same team because no one likes them, they won and were safe. The double elimination sent Rebecca and James home. (click for more)

        

TAR25, Recap Leg 7, 11/7/14

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Ziplining the Casbah, teams continued racing through Morocco.  The Scientists and the Flight Attendants fell behind early, due to poor navigation and clue reading.  But everyone else tended to do a decent job, leading the Dentists to another first place finish, and eliminating Shelley and Nici, who drove three hours out of their way.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 11/6/14--"The Art of Construction" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: this show moved closer to the original by casting a bunch of people who actively hate each other. Yay. Pretty much this season is everyone from the teams season, and a couple other people. They split everyone into two teams, girls vs. boys, and they had to either be inspired by uptown or downtown. But nothing really had to go with anything else. Fabio won, which is nice, with a jumpsuit. Patricia was sent home which is too bad because I had been looking forward to a benign wack-a-doo designer. (click for more)

Top Chef 11/5/14--"12 Chefs Walk Into a Bar..." summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Aaron tried to have a redemption arc via the producers, but was still a jerk about everything. He almost got sent home during the Sudden Death Quickfire but sadly did not. Also, “immediate elimination” indicates that person is gone when they lose, not that they can cook head-to-head and stick around, PADMA. Then everyone cooked dishes with ballpark concessions foods and served on the field at Fenway. Katie screwed up and then told the judges she screwed up, which is never the best idea. Always pretend you did things on purpose. Gregory won, and he also won the Quickfire so he’s doing quite well. Ron’s giant fried fish croquette confused everyone so he was sent home. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 6, 10/31/14

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on I Think the French Guy Liked Me, teams raced from Denmark to Morocco and spent a lot of time hanging out in Jemma El-Fnaa in Marrakesh.  Food Carts!  Hanging carpets!  One armed Roadblocks (and Detours)!  Shelley gets into it with Keith and creates a rivalry which is snuffed when the Flight Attendants use their U-Turn and Keith and Whitney are eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 10/30/14--"Made in Manhattan" summary

Previously on Project Runway: All these people were on the show, and you’ll notice the only person from the Bravo era of the show is Chris March. Everyone else is a new Lifetime “eh, no one will notice our producer manipulation” contestant. Also last season you’ll remember Seth Aaron won, which means he won the regular show and then also All-Stars. That’s why you don’t need previous winners. (click for more)

Project Runway 10/30/14--"Reunion" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Sean won and a bunch of drama happened. I don’t need to recap it for you because we’re clearly going to talk about it for an hour. Should be some good drama. (click for more)

Top Chef 10/29/14--"The Curse of the Bambino" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: The Quickfire tried to teach us about Paul Revere, which was not really educational but we’ve certainly had dumber themes. James wins, which makes him and his Patrick Swayze tattoo happy. But he does not get immunity. The Elimination Challenge is to serve some firefighters and police, and also be in teams. Of course since Aaron and Keriann had a dumb argument in the Stew Room they are on a team together, and proceed to fight the entire episode. But you know how this goes. A non-drama team will win, while the drama team is on the bottom but no one actually goes home from that team. Instead Joy, who served raw veal, was given the boot. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 5, 10/24/14

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on It May Be Mating Season, teams raced from the Shetland Islands down to Copenhagen, where the Cyclists took an early lead.  The Dentists fell completely apart, and the Flight Attendants were passive aggressive towards each other.  In the end, Kym and Alli won two cars, Shelley and Nici didn’t kill each other, and Misti and Jim tried to use the Save, but silly Phil wouldn’t let them as it was a non-elimination leg.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway 10/23/14--"Finale Part 2" summary

Previously on Project Runway: This dumb season. I can’t even bring myself to care who wins, meaning that my earlier animosity for Amanda has faded out because I’m tired of this show. The only person I dislike is Korina and even then I just want her to go. She’s not even a good villain. So everyone made collections and they didn’t eliminate anyone last week but they did tell everyone exactly how to win. Especially Kini. (click for more)

Top Chef 10/23/14--"Boston's Bravest and Finest" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Our season started in Boston, where everyone bragged about their awards (as you do) and Padma introduced both Richard Blais as a new judge, and the Sudden Death Quickfire, where someone can be sent home in the middle of the episode. I like this. It turns out it’s technically the CHANCE someone will be sent home, as George was the slowest in the mise in place relay race, but he got the chance to battle Gregory by cooking the mise in place ingredients. Had he won, he could have stayed, but Gregory won so George went home. I couldn’t bring myself to care that much because we just met him 20 minutes ago. Then everyone had to cook for the Top Chef Food Festival. You have to make a dish based on the first thing you learned to cook. Or something. I wasn’t paying attention. Mei made congee and won, while Michael made corn soup with salmon roe and was sent home. It didn’t sound that great. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 4, 10/17/14

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on My Livestock Animals of Northern Scotland Are Broken!,  teams raced across the United Kingdom to the Shetland Islands.  Scott from the Boston Firefighters badly twisted his ankle at the beginning of the leg, greatly hindering his mobility.  The Wrestlers fell behind as usual.  The Dentists smiled their way to another first place finish, and even though Gaysian lack of driving ability threatened to eliminate Tim and TeJay, Michael and Scott got worse instructions from pub patrons, and were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway 10/16/14--"Finale Part 1" summary

Previously on Project Runway: something about “street chic” and then everyone tried to make boring mall clothes, and then they had to remake a losing outfit. Mysteriously Korina got paired with Char, but she said she didn’t want to be there and she wouldn’t be any help anyway so she was allowed to leave. In the end no one actually won anything, and Emily was eliminated. Like they would eliminate Char. (click for more)

Top Chef 10/15/14--"Sudden Death" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Nicholas won and that wasn’t so great. He was kind of a jerk to his servers. Whatever, it’s over and this show is better than “Project Runway” or at least hides its producer manipulation better. Usually. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 3, 10/10/14

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on Roadblock?  We Don’t Need No Stinking Roadblock,  teams raced from the US Virgin Islands to London England.  The Wrestlers struggled at the Changing of the Guards, and other teams certainly couldn’t punt a boat.  But Adam and Bethany managed to snag an Express Pass and first place, while the YDC and Flight Attendants had a race to the finish, causing Dennis and Isabelle to be eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway 10/9/14--"Fashion Week: Who's In & Who's Out" summary

Previously on Project Runway: teams of two had to make clothing out of the contents of storage bins. Then they had to make a third look which was somehow related. The teams were pretty drama-free. Kini made a dress out of a soccer ball and was made the winner. Pretty much exactly what the judges love when they have “unconventional materials”. Korina and Char were deemed the worst, but rather than just getting rid of Korina (because we all know they won’t get rid of Char) they made the two of them make a dress in an hour to be judged again. Korina complained mightily about how Char was terrible and this was not fair and blah blah, and then was eliminated. Then went back to the Scrap Bin to call Char out and then be like “It’s not about you.” Should Char still be in the competition? Well she’s been saved three times, by many counts. Is Korina a better designer? Maybe. Is it possible that Korina knows it’s the producers’ fault she’s out and they just made sure to edit out all her bitching at them so it looks like she blames Char? Yeah they would totally do that. But I don’t care. She still complained about how Char was so much worse than her and she’s been complaining about everyone this whole time. All her sound bites are condescending declarations about how no one else is anywhere near her level. Yeah, editing, but the words still have to come out of your mouth. Char could have sent down a naked model and I would still be glad Korina was eliminated because then I don’t have to hear her anymore. And I am guessing many agree with me. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 2, 10/3/14

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on TAR8 Didn’t Leave the US on the First Leg, Why Should We?, teams raced from the original departure city of New York to the capital city of the US Virgin Islands.  We find out the winning team of the leg gets the Save, to be used on themselves before leg 9 to keep themselves from elimination.  We have a Roadblock reminiscent of TAR22, that caused three teams to take a time penalty and race to the Pit Stop.  The Dentists got the Save, and the Realtors finished last in a foot race, causing their elimination.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Project Runway 10/2/14--"The Highest Bidder" summary

Previously on Project Runway: not only did we have the makeover/”real” woman challenge, but everyone had to find models in a park. Just random people off the street. How interesting that every single designer picked out a thin, white, young, tall woman. Alexander even turned down a girl because she was too short. Terrible. Then Char got a preschool teacher who specifically asked for an outfit to wear to her husband’s band’s gigs on the weekend. She got some shorts and a jacket with a peplum, which weren’t that short. The peplum was weird though. But then Nina was like “but she’s a preschool teacher” which just infuriated me (and many people) because teachers do not have to be super modestly dressed all the damn time. She SPECIFICALLY asked for a non-work outfit. And the shorts were not as short as Amanda’s crappy skirt. Anyway, Alexander was eliminated for a mostly boring outfit, and Korina won because her model chopped off all her hair. Her jacket was OK, I’m not angry she won, but you know that’s why. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 1, 9/26/14

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after the summer hiatus, and find ourselves in New York City!  (Toyouke: “Hey at least they're not in LA again. However please do not remind me of the first season because I miss it.”)  Twenty-five seasons ago, TAR kicked off for the first time from the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park, and is back in town to start the twenty-fifth anniversary race.  On June 1.  At 3 am.  In Times Square.  FIFTEEN BLOCKS FROM THE HOTEL WHERE I WAS SLEEPING.  Not that I’m bitter or anything. Instead, lets get this party started, shall we?  Arriving in NYC Cabs, the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Project Runway 9/25/14--"Muse on the Street" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make clothes for pre-teens based on American Girl dolls. You’ll note that they never once said the outfits would be produced for sale. Not like Barbie. Kini won, because his tweed and red plaid were really cute. Not super exciting but cute. I would wear it. Sandhya kept going with her weird clothes and made a pink onesie with a damn peplum so she was eliminated. It’s true that she and Fade had the only interesting finale collections, but her clothes were crazy and I’m not upset about it. This show now rewards boring clothes you can sell and we will never have another runway show where you gasp and remember the outfits for years. Stupid. (click for more)

The Quest episode 10: "One True Hero"

Previously on “The Quest”: Twelve people were brought from our world to Everealm to defeat Verlox the Darkness. One by one they were banished, in search of the One True Hero. The last four paladins left were captured by the Rana, along with Ansgar, Crio, and the Queen. Everyone had to convince the Rana chief why they were worthy, and Lina jumped the gun in her eagerness to convince them. They had to make her stop so they could take out an hourglass to time her. Later the paladins had to escape from cages and free everyone, and Andrew finished first. Lina, Patrick, and Shondo had to cross a rickety bridge on a bog, carrying eggs, to appease a banshee. Shondo was first there. When it came down to the vote, it ended up being a tie, so Andrew was the deciding vote since he won the badge that day. He kept his vote for Lina, and Patrick was banished. Was it a strategic move? Or was it because Lina got further than Patrick in the Fates’ challenge? Or because of her argument about being the One True Hero? Because that really impressed me. (click for more)

TAR25, Recap Leg 0, 9/19/14

Welcome back to the Amazing Race!  It’s the show’s twenty-fifth anniversary, and it promises to be a doozy, with new twists, turns, and hashtags (Toyouke: “I HATE that the twitter hashtags are basically the nicknames everyone wants us to use. HHAAAAAATTTTEEEE. You can't make up your own nickname!”)  Don’t worry, I’ll still come up with my own, subject to change once we get started.  The eleven teams for TAR25 are: (click for more)

The Quest episode 9: "Escape from Rana Village"

Previously on “The Quest”: Verlox took over Sanctum, and everyone had to flee into the woods. They found a dragon, and then a burned-out village. Everyone had to trap the dragon in its lair, because dragons sleep during the day, down in hatches with grates and locks. Andrew and Shondo were the first to finish (Andrew first), and then they helped everyone else because they have to trap the dragon. The Fates’ challenge was to lift dragon eggs out of a pit, without touching them. Patrick was first, but Lina was right behind him. Patrick tried to tell Andrew and Shondo that Bonnie was further along than Lina, but it didn’t look like they believed him. Bonnie was banished, and got a whole montage of scenes and everyone talking about how much they’ll miss her. Even the Queen said so! I will also miss Bonnie but I’m also kind of surprised by how far she got, for someone who hated running. And that no one decided to vote for her to have someone “easy” to beat in the finale. (click for more)

The Quest episode 8: "The Dragon's Lair"

Previously on “The Quest”: everyone had to flee the castle as Verlox showed up to take over the place. The vizier gave the queen an amulet for “protection” and then promptly vanished for the rest of the episode. The paladins had to split into two teams to create a message out of signal flags, and the girls failed partially because two of them don’t know how many sides a pentagon has. The boys finished first, with Patrick taking the badge. The Fates’ challenge involved sitting in a tree and remembering details about an enemy patrol. Bonnie remembered the most, and then everyone voted for Lina, which is rude because Leticia was the one person who voted for Christian so no one would have to be abandoned. That bugs. Back at the camp everyone is interrupted by noises, and then they run up to a ridge to be super obvious, backlit targets and stare at something we haven’t seen yet. (click for more)

The Quest episode 7: "Verlox Attacks"

Previously on “The Quest”: the traitor ended up being someone Ansgar knew, who had fought by his side and then got kicked out of the castle for stealing. He’s planted “fire orbs” around the castle, which have to be located by watching footage from a “falcon”. Lina is the first one to find an orb, followed by Bonnie, Shondo, and Patrick. The remaining three must line up swords with circles on them to allow a beam of light to hit a map, telling them where Verlox is coming from. Andrew overcomes his ADD and wins the Fates’ challenge. Adria loses the narrow vote and is banished. While drinking with Ansgar, the paladins are interrupted by Verlox himself. (click for more)

The Quest episode 6: "A Traitor in Sanctum"

Previously on “The Quest”: everyone fails at making that giant crossbow weapon while Ansgar fights an ogre single handed and looks hot. Christian decided to scheme and throw the challenge (which was to barricade and then break down doors). Asshat. So of course his team lost, because he picked a lame team, but then he lost the Fates’ challenge (run through the woods wearing a cage). No one wanted to support him after he was a jerk. Woo! Weirdly I am fully behind everyone on this show playing with “honor” and “integrity” and all the things I hate on Survivor. Patrick gave himself a black eye and then sprinted out to “save” Bonnie when she fell even though she ended up being fine. That’s what I want to see. Lina won the challenge, by the way, because Shondo said she’s the smallest and she kept up so she deserves to win. After some chores (and another of Bonnie’s songs) everyone freaks out because there’s a “spy orb” flying around. Spying on them, I guess. (click for more)

Project Runway 9/18/14--"The History of the American Girl" summary

Previously on Project Runway: for some reason the producers thought they should have their product placement TVs sponsor a runway with rain. Rain. And electronics. Terrible. Anyway this is also the “avant-garde” challenge which means dumb gimmicks. And it will rain, did you hear? Sean and Kini won, because Sean’s dress had dye in it so it would color the dress, and Kini had an upside-down umbrella thing that everyone else compared to Alexander McQueen but apparently that was OK. But Emily’s dress is also McQueen and that is NOT OK. Who knows. Fade didn’t know what to do with himself, so he was eliminated, because when someone has good drama you can consider all their past work. But when someone who does not have drama does something terrible suddenly the judging is only about this week. This stupid show. (click for more)

The Quest episode 5: "Under Siege"

Previously on “The Quest”: a drill proves to Ansgar that the paladins are not battle-ready, so he makes them pick teams and then battle to the death in the Battle Dome. Well not really to the death. Leticia wins, because she let the boys knock each other out. Jasmine, Adria, and Lina were sent to the Fates to smash skulls, which Adria won. For some reason everyone thought Lina was more worthy of staying, so Jasmine was banished. Then there was an ogre. (click for more)

The Quest episode 4: "Battle Dome"

Previously on “The Quest”: the Queen was poisoned, so the paladins were sent into the woods to open some doors and get ingredients for the antidote. Andrew was the fastest, and was allowed to mix the ingredients and give the antidote to the queen. The vizier continued to be evil. Bonnie, Jim, and Christian were the worst again. Christian is terrible. The Fates’ challenge required grinding rocks and balancing a scale, and Bonnie was the fastest. Despite telling Christian last time that no one was going to save him again, everyone did which is dumb. So Jim was eliminated. The cliffhanger is that the castle is under attack and the paladins have to suit up. (click for more)

The Quest episode 3: "Save the Queen"

Previously on “The Quest”: the remaining paladins were introduced to Queen Ralia XXIII. They were also told Verlox is within a few days of the castle. When everyone was learning to ride, Leticia lost her piece of the Sunspear. In case you were wondering, she just got yelled at a little bit instead of being disqualified. The main challenge was to shoot arrows and spears and joust on horseback. Shondo destroyed the challenge and earned “the Dub” as he says. I love Shondo. Andrew called the Queen “my lady” and everyone acted like it was a big thing. Jim, Ashley, and Christian were the bottom three, which is sad because Ashley is a horse trainer and Christian has been going on about how he does this kind of thing for a living. I mean, he goes to Ren Faires and does demonstrations. Jim won the Fates’ challenge (this very long thing involving horseshoes) and then Christian was saved by the vote, sending Ashley home. The other paladins told Christian this was his last chance. Later at dinner the Queen appeared and then was poisoned! Gasp! Can the paladins save her? Spoiler: yes. (click for more)

Project Runway 9/11/14--"The Rainway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Char came back, which was nice because I like Char. Everyone had to make outfits to showcase some super expensive jewelry. In general it was pretty blah, as it was the last time they had this challenge. Amanda made the ugliest black jumpsuit and white sheer shirt and was praised, but luckily she did not win. Korina made a coat out of upholstery fabric and she won. To be fair the coat was really dramatic. Alexander got harassed for not using fabric properly, except it seemed like Amanda and Kini got a pass for their fabric. Whatever. Samantha lost because her dress was too “boring”/the producers decided to get rid of her, because there were more boring outfits up there. (click for more)

The Quest episode 2: "Tournament for the Queen"

Last time on “The Quest”: twelve people were chosen to live in an RPG video game. Destined heroes? Check. Evil guy who wants to rule the world? Check. Magic women who brought you here from the “real” world? Check. Evil vizier? Check. Everyone is really into it, playing their characters and interacting with the actors and basically buying into this idea that one of them is the One True Hero. This is continued into the part where they’re nice to each other and play “honorably” for lack of a better word. Teams of three try to launch arrows over a wall and hit scarecrows. When the winning team is asked to choose one winner they quickly pick Bonnie and don’t argue about it. The losing team must complete a challenge put forth by the Fates, which basically is to shoot arrows at dummies and hope your dummy has the fewest arrows. Then there is a public vote, which was prefaced by a rational discussion of everyone’s strengths and the idea that maybe getting rid of threats like you would in “Survivor” is not how this show works. Maybe you should keep the strong people around to help you later. Katie was the first person sent home, or technically she went to “meet her fate”. Which means she walked through an archway and “melted” into smoke. (click for more)

The Quest episode 1: "The Quest Begins"

“The Quest” is what happens when you admit that all of those challenges on your reality show are fake anyway, so you might as well make your entire reality show “fake” and have a story and actors. I’ve been watching this show on ABC for a few weeks. I started a little late, but then I thought “You know, I should at least say on the blog to watch it” but then I forgot. And then they started burning off two shows a week and it’s almost over. But you can watch all the episodes on Hulu or on ABC’s website. Mostly all of them; they take a week to be available (unless you have Hulu Plus). Clearly this is just me recapping something for fun instead of being timely, because if all I ever write about is “Project Runway” I will lose my damn mind. But I think this show is great and I hope the two-episodes-each-week is because of poor planning and not poor ratings. (click for more)

Project Runway 9/4/14--"Priceless Runway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Everyone had to pair up and make “unconventional” wedding dresses and reception outfits. Really this was only important because Korina said something to Amanda and then Amanda cried and then of course they were on a team together. Sean won again, with a top that Kini said he made. Char was eliminated, for listening to Sandhya and using a not-so-great yellow and also for poor construction. I like Char, but that dress was not good. Really it ended up being a boring episode for all that it was teams. Eh. (click for more)

Project Runway 8/28/14--"Rock the Wedding" summary

Previously on Project Runway: make a dress for Heidi for the Emmys. Boring. Some people made things short and shiny and tacky, but they were told it was not OK. Everyone had the chance to go back to Mood and buy more fabric, which not everyone did. Sandhya took all the extra money and everyone complained about it, but you snooze you lose. Anyway, Sean won, for making a long dress with fringe. Apparently fringe is in. It was a fine dress. Then in a weird shocking development there was a double elimination as both Mitchell and Kristine were kicked out. Very surprising. I could have done with getting rid of Korina also but I’ll take Mitchell. (click for more)

Project Runway 8/21/14--"The Klum of Doom" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the most tenuous tie in to Red Robin caused everyone to take vintage men’s suits and make new clothes. It wasn’t horrible, except for how Sandhya got to pick out everyone’s suit so the loudest drama queens complained about how she had it out for them. Which is silly because that is exactly what she should do: be strategic and screw over her enemies. It’s not like this show is about fashion. In the end it was for nothing because Amanda is Gretchen 2.0 and the judges gave her the win for two different kinds of pink paisley and floor-length black fringe. Hernan tried to blame Sandhya for all his fabric problems but he did choose to purchase brown vinyl to complete his look. At least the elimination is something we can agree on. (click for more)

Project Runway 8/14/14--"A Suitable Twist" summary

Previously on Project Runway: you were supposed to imagine an outfit 20 years in the future, inspired by 20 years in the past. Yeah, it didn’t make a ton of sense to me either. Most people made really boring clothes for some reason. I’m not sure why, but it made for a boring runway. Amanda made some weird sheer top and bell bottoms, so the judges made sure to call her out for sucking (since she had immunity). Sandhya won again, for at least making a dress with metallic tubes that was interesting. Of course everyone is mad about it and faked their clapping. Korina didn’t even bother to fake clap, though, because I guess she forgot everyone would see that. Angela was eliminated for a pretty boring pink suit and also probably because she was headed for a mental breakdown. (click for more)

Project Runway 8/7/14--"Welcome to the Future" summary

Previously on Project Runway: we had both an unconventional materials challenge AND a team challenge lumped together. All had to make clothes out of “movie” items, which meant film reels and cellophane and whatever. Sandhya’s team was a disaster, not made any better by Sandhya’s immunity and initial idea of “let’s all just do whatever”, and when Hernan got snippy with her she went straight to Tim about it. Their team ended up on the bottom, because apparently using the same technique to make all three dresses is far too boring. Instead of blaming Hernan, who came up with the idea, everyone decided they hated Sandhya’s look the most, so that Carrie could be as passive-aggressive as possible when asked who should go home. This continued when Carrie was sent home. However the winner of the challenge was Amanda, who wrapped her model in cellophane and then hung string off her. It was terrible and now she’ll be full of herself. Ugh. (click for more)

Project Runway 7/31/14--"Unconventional Movie Nite!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the producers brought 18 people to New York so they could get rid of 3 of them right away. I’m not sure why, but I guess so we can see Heidi and the judges doing things. Whatever. Then everyone got random ugly fabric and had to make something. Anything. This season’s Drama Queen quickly established himself, so when he was on the bottom we all knew he wasn’t going home. Also Amanda from season 11 (the teams season) returned for no reason. Actually I guess the reason is so she can pretend that she failed that season because she didn’t speak up, as her excuse for being a terrible person now. I am already tired of her obnoxious judgments. And THEN hot makeup guy Scott is gone! I know! So anyway, Sandhya wins, which, I didn’t like her dress that much but it’s fine, and drama queen Mitchell and Amanda hate it so that was satisfying. And then Mitchell was on the bottom but clearly he’s not leaving. Instead Jefferson is sent home for really bad shorts. (click for more)

Project Runway 7/24/14--"The Judges Decide" summary

Previously on Project Runway: some serious bullshit drama and casting that clearly shows that they don’t do psych evaluations anymore. I’m not super excited for this season, but I’m sure this particular episode will be OK. The first one usually is. But there seem to be 18 designers, which is too many. (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 12, 5/18/14

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Throwing the Wrong Type of Boot Is Really Problematic, teams raced from Spain to England and Wales.  Leo and Jamal had directional issues and ended up in last place, causing them to finish fourth for the second race in a row.  This season, we’ve had a Frankenteam.  Tension!  Frustration!  Competition!  And Challenge!  In the end we have three teams: Brendon and Rachel, who promised less crying and more baby making (Toyouke: “Rachel's popularity was gone before that U-Turn.”); Caroline and Jennifer, who managed to flirt their way through the race again while surviving two NELs and never winning a leg; and Dave and Connor, who self eliminated the first time they raced due to injury, but probably could have won anyway.  Who will win The Amazing Race 24? (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 11, 5/11/14

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on How Many Spanish Stereotypes Can We Squeeze Into One Hour, the remaining four teams raced from Switzerland to Spain.  Everyone wanted to U-Turn the Brenchels, but when Jamal twisted his knee, the Afghanimals U-Turned the Cowboys instead.  Dave and Connor made their way to their fourth first place finish, and Jet and Cord were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 10, 5/4/14

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Climb to the Top of Mount Titlis, Hee, the remaining five teams raced from Italy to Switzerland.  Everyone wants Brenchel out, and the Accidental Alliance of teams forms.  Dave and Connor finish first again, and Caroline and Jennifer are last on the final NEL of the season.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 9, 4/27/14

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on You Don’t U-Turn The Old Guy!, teams continued racing through Italy.  Brendon and Rachel used the U-Turn against Dave and Connor, who then U-Turned the Afghanimals but helped them survive.  Brendon and Rachel managed to win the leg, and Flight Time and Big Easy had their time run out on them again.  Who will be eliminated. . . next?

TAR24, Recap Leg 8, 4/20/14

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day, teams raced from Sri Lanka to Italy.  There was remote controlled chariot racing and gladiator fighting.  Teams had to count steps, and when it was all said and done, the Afghanimals helped two other teams, creating a three way foot race for the Pit Stop.  Jessica and John lost the foot race and were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next?

TAR24, Recap Leg 7, 4/13/14

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Tuk-Tuk-A-Palooza, teams continued to race through Sri Lanks.  Rachel failed at a Roadblock.  The Afghanimals and the Cowboys battled for first place in a footrace to the mat.  And Caroline and Jennifer found themselves in last place on the second non-elimination leg of the race.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or It's Weird How I Am Not as Angry as Usual

I feel like my usual opinions of "Project Runway" depend a lot on who wins and if I think the producers were too involved with it. And that answer is usually "yes". You can see it if you look at the ratings for this show. There's a site where you can view ratings by episode, and see trends, and for every season of "Project Runway" the ratings at the end of the season are lower than at the beginning. Meaning as the season goes on people abandon the show. I wonder if this show had the same thing. (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or I Think I Saw Superhero Fashion on Tumblr

We've only got one more episode to go I think. I wonder how this show's been doing and if they'll do it again. Overall it wasn't that bad. Somewhat less rage-inducing than "Project Runway", although that isn't particularly hard. (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 6, 3/30/14

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Sewing.  It Just Had to Be Sewing, teams made their way from Kuala Lumpur to Colombo, Sri Lanka (which, I might add, is not the administrative capital, that’s Sri Jayawardenapura Kotte, but Colombo is so much easier to spell).  Two teams took flight risks, and one didn’t pay off.  In the meantime, Dave and Connor rocked their way to another first place finish, and Margie and Luke finished last and were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or "Real Women" Challenges Just Aren't the Same

Look, I cringed just as much as everyone else when they would have the "real women" challenge and some designer was an asshat to whoever. But for several seasons there hasn't been any drama at all because everyone got genre savvy and quit doing it. So now...I guess we focus on someone's allergy to the fabric. (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 5, 3/23/14

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Your Homework Is to Go Home and Watch “Cocktail”, teams flew to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Teams jumped on wood, and mostly failed at trick pours. Jet and Cord managed to actually win a leg, despite 47 attempts at the Roadblock. Brendon and Rachel felt switching Detours was the same as quitting and wasted three hours trying to get done, only to find out it was a non-elimination leg and they’re still racing. Woo. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or Who Is Going to Wear a Lace Ruffle For a Bra?

Were we supposed to hate Natalia from the start? And think she doesn't deserve to be there? Because I can think of more than one person *cough*MICHAEL COSTELLO*cough* who very good but stuck around and won challenges with ugly/boring clothes. And I felt much more strongly about that. Natalia I thought was OK; not like I thought she'd win or that I was rooting for her, but I didn't rail about how she should be gone. (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 4, 3/16/14

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Let’s All Hope Sequined Hot Pants Disintegrate When Wet, teams flew to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia. Teams rappelled down a waterfall, built rafts (sort of), and used blowguns to shoot fake birds. Dave and Connor missed their goods drop-off but still managed to win the leg, the first leg they’ve won while everyone has two intact legs. Joey and Meghan failed to keep their cab around when it dropped them off in the middle of nowhere, and were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or Tell Me Again How NICK Is the Bad Guy

So I spoke too soon about how all the drama is about the mentors. Not that the mentors didn't have any drama this episode. Just that suddenly the designers decided to get in on it too. (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 3, 3/9/14

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on Since When Do All Stars Forget Bags? , teams race about Guangzhou China.  Team Kentucky takes an early lead, and then manages to forget their bags at the Roadblock.  The Country Singers use their charm to get the Express Pass and weasel it out of the Cowboys, and promptly use it.  But it’s Brendon and Rachel who win the leg in a photo finish, and Mark and Mallory’s mistake costs them the race.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or Mondo's Turn To Be Harsh

I know we all like unconventional materials challenges, but putting more than one in a season gets old fast. At least this one didn't offer the choice of using fabric, which is as it should be. (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 2, 3/2/14

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on Why Do Even Number Get to Have All the Fun?, teams raced from Los Angeles to Guangzhou China.  We find out the winning team of the leg gets two Express Passes, one to use and one to give away.  We also find out that Bopper was too ill to race, so Mallory has stepped in in his place.  But the Cowboys get off to a rousing start, and get the two Express Passes, and the Twinnies manage to fight themselves out of the race.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or Doctor Who Is Not Really Steampunk

Sorry, but I watch "Doctor Who" and it's not really the best example of steampunk. There are some steampunk aspects but overall it doesn't really fit the bill. But then again most people didn't do steampunk OR avant-garde so there you go. (click for more)

TAR24, Recap Leg 1, 2/23/14

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, and it couldn’t come soon enough.  This time, we find Phil at UCLA hanging out with their ninety year old marching band.  And then the all-star teams come running down the bleachers.  The eleven teams are: (click for more)

TAR24, Precap, 2/23/14

Welcome back to the Amazing Race!  This time, we get our second round of All-Stars!  And, for the first time, we get to see some of our favorite teams for a third time!  (Toyouke: “Wait.  Are we getting all these people playing three times because CBS thinks we still want to see them? Or because latter seasons have lame casts that no one cares to see again and the only people we remember are the ones that are so annoying we never want to see them again?”)  Well, whether we wanted to see them again or not, here they are, running the race for a second or third time because they were All-Stars / Unfinished Business / Falling Apart / Whatever.  The eleven teams are: (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or Why is Nick the Villain?

I yelled at the TV a lot when I was watching this episode. Ugh. (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or, Flannel is Fashion, I Guess

Oh yeah, this is what I remember from "Project Runway". Weird drama, some celebrity I've never heard of, and a win that doesn't make any sense. (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or "Unconventional Materials" Does Not Mean Offer Fabric

So one thing that I found weird, is that I was not aware of how my knowledge of New York Fashion Week was tied to "Project Runway". NYFW has started and I had no idea until it started. Normally I would have been all over it weeks ago to complain about how many decoy collections there would be. (click for more)

Top Chef 2/5/14--"Finale" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: everyone went to Hawaii, where we discovered Louis had won Last Chance Kitchen which was awesome. The Quickfire was to cook with Spam, which is fun, and even though Nicholas said he hadn’t prepared and should have, he won. Boo. But he didn’t win immunity. Just money. Didn’t stop him from trying to buy immunity later. The Elimination challenge is revealed as a double elimination. Make a dish with only the crops that Polynesians would have brought with them in canoes. Actually I’m making it sound dumb but I like the concept of this challenge. It’s relevant to the location without being a gimmick. Anyway, Nicholas won that also which is sad, and then Nina was second so that means Louis and Shirley were eliminated. Aww. (click for more)

Under the Gunn, or How Not to Be a Mentor

I fully set aside enough time to watch 90 minutes of show, only to discover that those 90 minute episodes were only for the beginning? The auditions, if you will. Whatever, sounds good. Sadly, what does not sound good is the feeling that the arbitrary, producer-dictated judging is in full effect. (click for more)

Top Chef 1/29/14--"Maui Wowie" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: a two-part Quickfire involving amuse bouches for Gail and vegetables for Tom. Carlos won the whole thing and also a car which made Nicholas look pissed. Then everyone was supposed to use what they’ve learned to make a dish that could possibly be served in all of Emeril’s restaurants, if they win. This is the last challenge before the finale so of course everyone freaked out a lot. Shirley won, because she’s on a roll. Carlos and Nicholas were the bottom, but Carlos was sent home. Boo. (click for more)

Under the Gunn episode 2

The second group of designers still had six hours to make an outfit, but this time they had to race for fabrics. It's not a bad twist but it does allow for more variety in the outfits. I also think this group had a different vibe since they knew for sure two of them were going home. The first group didn't know how many of them would be out. More thoughts under the cut. (click for more)

Top Chef 1/22/14--"Leaving New Orleans" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the chefs made po’ boys and were all yelled at for sucking. Eventually guest judge Roy Choi gave Shirley the win and immunity. Then everyone was supposed to make a dish that represented a turning point in their career, for Jon Favreau who is making a movie about a chef who has lost his voice and is sucking. Isn’t that a crazy coincidence? Stupid show. Anyway, cooking, Nicholas being a dick to Carlos because he tried to be smart and say “do whatever you want, don’t touch my pots” and then freaking out when the pots got moved. If I was Carlos, I would hear “do whatever you want” and go OK! And then ignore the rest of his talking. Then Nicholas burned some quinoa which was nice, because he tried to claim someone messed with the oven on purpose. Except for the clip where the camera clearly showed him not checking the temperature on the oven. Shirley won again. Brian was sent home because I guess Nicholas is just better? Sometimes the jerk is obviously talented so you know they’ll stick around for a while, but I just don’t see that level of talent from Nicholas. (click for more)

Under the Gunn is pretty good

DianeP asked me if I was going to talk about "Under the Gunn", and I said I probably wasn't. It's nice to have a break, and I was expecting it to be exactly like "Project Runway" in terms of everyone having a sob story and the producers interfering all the time. However, I did finish the first episode and it's not bad, actually. I watched Tim Gunn on "The Daily Show" and what he said made it sound like we were supposed to have another season of "Project Runway" but we have this instead. He said that he and Heidi have a secret pinkie swear pact that neither one will do a season of that show without the other one. So they went to Heidi and she said "I'm busy", and they went to Tim and he said "I'm not doing it without Heidi." So they...made a brand-new show without Heidi. I'll put the rest of my thoughts under a cut in case you haven't watched it yet (you can get it streaming on Lifetime's website). (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 1/16/14--"Reunion" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Seth Aaron won the whole thing. So yay? I guess? I find that I’m kind of sad that Korto didn’t win but on the other hand, I really don’t care that much. Guess it’s a good thing we’ve got a break coming. (click for more)

Top Chef 1/15/14--"Po' Boy Smackdown" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire featured Jacques Pepin, which was cool. He created a fish dish with a lot of technique and then made everyone try to replicate it, which resulted in plenty of fail. Nicholas won, and gained immunity. Then the chefs were divided into two teams of three, to cook the same ingredients in different cuisine styles. French vs. Spanish. The Spanish team ended up doing the best overall, and Nina won. The French team only seemed to have one week link: Nicholas. While Shirley and Stephanie made the best dishes of the evening, they were on the losing team. Nicholas had terrible dishes, made worse by the fact that his team warned him and he ignored them. The judges suggested he give up immunity and quit but Nicholas refused, so Stephanie was sent home. I mean, he’s entitled to keep the immunity he earned but that doesn’t mean he’s still not a jerk. (click for more)

Project Runway All Stars 1/9/14--"Are U.N. or Are You Out" summary

Previously on Project Runway: I missed last week’s episode due to travel and DVR being stupid. But it wasn’t super exciting. Everyone had to make a dress for a specific line, taking into account the price point and stuff. Remember the first All-Stars season when Mondo made that dust ruffle pillowcase and everyone said they loved it? Same challenge. Seth Aaron announced at the beginning of the episode he hasn’t won a challenge yet, so it was seriously no surprise when he won. At least his dress was fine. Korto and Chris were the bottom, so naturally they had to take all their clothes from the previous challenge and make something new. Like Korto was not going to the finale. I bet what happened was the guest judges hated her dress and wanted her gone, but that doesn’t fit with the decided narrative of the season, so they had to make another challenge to declare her safe. You didn’t see any of the guest judges after this last surprise challenge, did you? Anyway, Chris is eliminated so it’s Korto vs. Elena vs. Seth Aaron for the finale. (click for more)

Top Chef 1/8/14--"Oui Si a Challenge" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: I’ve missed an episode! I was out of town and couldn’t get to the episode. Then when I got back the DVR had malfunctioned so I didn’t have it. Plus, weather and travel disasters so I just said forget it. Anyway, new episode on New Year’s Day. John Besh was heavily involved. For the Quickfire, everyone made crawfish etouffee and Shirley won immunity. The Elimination challenge was catering for some party, each chef making a dish that highlighted at least two different kinds of seafood. Before that, though, everyone got to go to John Besh’s house for dinner, which was fun and looked delicious. Stephanie won the day with her fried oyster. Carrie made fritters from her nice fresh fish which ruined it, so she was sent home. (click for more)