My monkey could do that

Project Runway All Stars 1/26/12--"Good Taste Tastes Good" summary

2012-01-26T22:44:00.001-06:00

Previously on Project Runway: Muppets were involved. Everyone had to make a dress for Miss Piggy. No one had to account for the fact that Miss Piggy is essentially a plus-sized woman with no neck and a giant head. Or the fact that she is made out of foam. Instead everyone pretended she is a real person and made loud dresses, which is fine, I guess. Michael actually won, as he made a fairly creative shiny dress with interesting loops. I couldn’t find a picture of the dress being worn, so who knows. Mila didn’t match the “client”, but in the end, Gordana made a nightgown and was sent home. (click for more)

In the apartment everyone cheers Michael for winning. Kenley seems extra happy for him. Michael knows this does not guarantee he will win anything else.

Rami is wearing a tank top. A small tank top. Not small as in tight but small as in lacking fabric. Somehow this challenge is inspired by taste. Not taste like Nina and Kors are always talking about taste, but “taste itself”. You must make a “tasteful” outfit inspired by the colors/flavors of “a seriously tasty dessert”. I know that’s a lot of quotes but I feel they’re needed. And now there is a gelato cart. Do they get to eat gelato? Tasty. Everyone will get a flavor and also a fabric swatch to match colors. Mostly you can tell what the colors will be, except for “Fruits of the Forest” might be anything. Michael gets to pick first for winning and he picks grapefruit. He hopes for ruby red grapefruit but gets pale pink. But he DOES get a cone of gelato. Gelato in a cone?! Jeez. Then each person picks their color, and the next person in the line. Everyone seems pretty happy with their colors, as I think each person had a color they really wanted. The designers are different enough that they don’t seem to have overlap. Kara gets stuck with chocolate and cayenne pepper, which I must say, would be my favorite to eat but not to make an outfit with. The gelato place near me lets you mix flavors and I like to mix the chai with chocolate. Delicious.

Now Diane von Furstenburg is here! She’s cool. Michael completely freaks out. And now Andrea and Diane tell them they have six hours. Why? Six hours? First of all, it’s not like no one has ever made a dress in under six hours, because if you account for all the people who have changed course last minute, I’m sure someone has made a dress in less than that. And second, is this because someone said “Hey, we can’t have too many “make a pretty dress” challenges, let’s screw them in some way”?

People sketch and talk about impressing Diane. Except Kenley, she doesn’t want to think too big or too risky, so she can finish. Apparently we’re in such a hurry they dragged a bunch of fabric to the lounge so they don’t have to go to Mood. April can’t find the black jersey she wants, so she’s already in trouble. Mondo runs out of time and doesn’t get to buy everything he was going to.
Now there’s a stupid countdown, because of course the half hour of sketching and the half hour at “Mood” counted as part of the six hours. Now Austin is in his wife beater. Weird. Everyone is freaking out already. April references Willy Wonka, as she has blueberry. Mila doesn’t have any black. Crazy! Michael lays his fabric on the floor, and discovers he’s measured wrong so it’s about 8 inches shorter on one side. That’s not good. Kara runs around. Anthony announces to the sewing room he wishes he had a cocktail. Austin is kind of freaking out.

Joanna time! She brings everyone little cups of their gelato flavor, which is nice of her. Kara seems to have a lot of white and pink in her dress. Joanna likes it. April tells Joanna she’s sticking with what she’s comfortable with, and Joanna is not impressed, you can tell. Mondo has a great orange color, and Joanna talks to him about accessorizing. Not in a “you don’t do that well” way. Austin uses the word “blouson” in a sentence and Joanna tells him not to do bridal. She also asks Rami outright if he is sucking up to Diane with his wrap skirt. Heh. Mila must remember to be creative. Joanna asks Michael what his secret is, because he’s so fast that he is mostly done. He’s been sewing forever? I think that’s what he said.

Model fitting. Anthony says something very true: this challenge has nothing to do with being a designer, and everything to do with being a fast seamstress. Austin is hot gluing things and is ashamed. Mondo has made a caftan, but it’s pretty cool looking. April’s dress doesn’t’ fit her model, so she has to add panels, but she might not have enough fabric. Mila has a sheer fabric, so she’s had to layer it. Guess who ended up with fruits of the forest? Jerell, who is making a belt or something with fruit buttons. Fruits of the forest I guess is just berries? Different berries? Let’s go with that. Kara has taken Austin’s sewing machine, which is weird, because shouldn’t there be enough machines for everyone?

The models then come back, I guess because this is a one day episode: get the challenge, make something, runway show. All in the same day. Gratuitous shots of the accessory wall. That six hours includes hair and makeup? This is rough. Everyone likes to badmouth everyone else but I must include Jerell’s comment about Kara, and that her model looked like “a pregnant cupcake”, because that is an excellent snarky confessional quote. Austin sews his model into his dress, which I get the feeling he never does.

Isaac is back, and Diane obviously, and then model Miranda Kerr, for no reason. Oh, because she’s going to wear the winning design to an “industry event”. Whatevs. Mondo: a cantaloupe caftan with light green sleeves and a thin black belt. It does really say “cantaloupe”. Deep V in the back. Anthony: full beige skirt and a halter top in green with a bunch of folds and stuff. He had green tea. Kenley: a Kenley dress in dark pink with yellow polka dots and a yellow Peter Pan collar. It’s not terribly exciting or “passion fruit”. Rami: a sleeveless top that looks like one piece of fabric slug over her shoulders with the ends crossed at her waist. The two sides of the top are different shades of green, and there is also a shiny skirt in green. And a big black belt. It’s not that great, sadly. And there are patches of another fabric over her hips? Something. Mila: color blocking, but in red and white, with long sleeves. It’s interesting but she put the poor girl in heavy black wedges.

Jerell: super-Jerell outfit. The top has horizontal straps and a straight cut to the bodice, then it’s loose all the way down to the hem in front, and then a train in the back so it’s a mullet hem. Why is there a black strap across her shoulders? It’s weird. And two prints. Kara: white sleeveless top, and then a ton of tiers of ruffles in the skirt shading from white to pink to brown to red at the bottom. Oh, that poor model really does look pregnant. Michael: very dramatic pink caftan. This girl looks huge because while it’s belted, there is a TON of fabric in this dress. Huge sleeves, practically a train, it’s ridiculous. April: strapless dress with a full skirt that seems OK in the front, but is very short in the back. Austin: short white dress with a swath of fabric over one shoulder with flowers or something. The swath dangles down in the back. Eh.

Austin, Rami, Jerell, and Kenley are safe. Kara talks about the layers of flavor in her gelato and the dress. Georgina thinks she spoke well when she explained herself, but the dress falls short. And it’s not flattering. Isaac says the minute the word “pregnant” shows up, you know you’ve missed. Anthony used beige because he liked the way the gelato looked melting over the cone. It’s messy, and the top is very worked. The concept is good, but it needs tweaking and there are back panels that are not working. They love Mila’s look, but I wish Isaac would stop saying “ice cream”. Gelato is not ice cream. Diane says Mila’s dress looks like it was done in little time. BECAUSE IT WAS. Whatever. The lightness of the sheer fabric got weighed down by all the black accessories. Michael wanted to do something beautiful, but also something he could finish. They love the dress, but maybe not the color. Really? Crazy. What woman is wearing that thing? April has a nice color, but the top looks wonky and then of course the back of the skirt is scary. It doesn’t look finished. Of course not. Andrea says she has good ideas, but they don’t tend to come through. They make her take off the belt and say how good it looks. Of course everyone loves Mondo’s caftan, seeing as how it’s far superior to Michael’s shiny pink giant thing. Andrea complains about the color, as if he had a choice. Someone would have ended up with that bright orange. This is stupid. Did they buy some crack off Kors?

Anthony’s design had to be perfect if he was going to pull it off, and he didn’t make it perfectly. Georgina wishes he had made the skirt the same color. Kara just fumbled and wouldn’t work with brown? Or something? I am not really following this argument. Her dress is unflattering but she at least had a good explanation for it. April should have gone for more Halloween? I have no idea what these people are talking about. They love Michael’s dress, the movement and elegance, and the giant arms. But they don’t like the fabric. Mila’s dress looked easy, although her styling was heavy. Isaac says this was his favorite. Mondo gets praise from everyone but Isaac. The model says she is thinking about how if they pick Michael’s dress she’ll have to wear it without a bra and she doesn’t particularly want to. Ha.

Mila is in. Michael wins, which is bullshit. Miranda claims to be excited to wear that shiny thing. Didn’t this happen on his season, everyone thought his clothes were so great and they weren’t? Mondo is in, but he feels the judges are recognizing his talent. Anthony is in. April should have fixed her dress. Kara made a maternity dress. Kara is in. April is losing it on the runway. She’s only 22? Wow. She’s going to keep at it as she’s only 22. I was so pleased with the judging, too.

Next week: go to the park and be inspired, accost some people for clothing, Austin has a sweet Sunday church hat.

Top Chef 1/25/12--"Block Party" summary

2012-01-25T23:02:00.001-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a conveyer belt challenge, which was fun because someone kept messing with Chris, teasing him with lobsters. Beverly had the best dish, but forgot one of her components, so Lindsay won immunity instead. Then the chefs had to make dishes for a dinner with Charlize Theron, fit for an evil queen. The quality of the food was apparently the best that this season has seen. One of the best dinners in the history of the show. There was a lot of cool stuff going on, and Chris busted out his crazy nonsense where it belongs for once. But Paul won, because he made an “enchanted forest” and then put a big bloody handprint on the plate. The bottom three didn’t make poor dishes, so it came down to nitpicking. Beverly had a couple of mistakes, but mostly she didn’t meet the theme very well, so she was sent home. I’m sure Lindsay and Sarah will brag about it. (click for more)

Then in Last Chance Kitchen Beverly and Nyesha had to make dishes based on one trip to the pantry. And then for no reason Tom came in and made them switch. I’ve seen some talk that this screwed Nyesha, and showed favoritism, but I think if Beverly didn’t have the skills she still would have screwed it up. And Nyesha could have done something. Anyway, Beverly won, which pissed off everyone, but whatever.

Grayson says she will miss Beverly, but maybe not everyone will miss her as much. Understatement. Ed throws something for some reason. I think he was making fun of Lindsay yelling at Beverly during Restaurant Wars. Lindsay defends herself (again). Then Charlize comes in, just to thank them for how spectacular the dinner was. Would have been nice if she’d done that when Beverly was still there, but OK.

The next morning Chris tells the other boys he doesn’t want to do a group challenge, no offense. For real. I’m getting tired of those. Grayson says she needs to step up.

Padma is wearing a terrible brown and white plaid dress that looks like a flannel shirt. Like, she bought a men’s flannel shirt that is long enough to cover her ass and she’s wearing it like a dress. That can’t be what it is, but that’s what it looks like. Also Emeril and Cat Cora. Did we get transported to Food Network and I didn’t notice? Oh, yes, Cat is co-hosting Bravo’s new show. So, new cooking show, “Around the World in 80 Plates”, co-host is Curtis Stone. Apparently it’s “Amazing Race” crossed with “Top Chef” somehow. It sounds like a show I made up, while combining my favorite shows. I hope it turns out to be actually good. Anyway, that’s why Cat is here. Padma “divides” them into teams of two, Grayson/Chris, Ed/Paul, and Sarah/Lindsay. I feel this is how they would have divided themselves. Now that Beverly is gone there’s no need to engineer drama, apparently. For your Quickfire, you will prepare a dish with the ingredients in front of you. In 40 minutes you must: peel, devein, and butterfly two pounds of shrimp; shuck a crate of corn; make a pound of fettuccini; AND cook something. The judges must approve your work. No immunity, but winners get $10,000. I think that’s total not each.

I feel kind of sad Tom isn’t here. He’s always here to judge the mise en place relay race. This is close enough. Everyone immediately makes pasta because the dough has to rest. OK, Padma’s dress, while not terribly attractive, I don’t think is actually a shirt. (But I just read Hugh’s blog and he thought the exact same thing: it’s a men’s flannel shirt. Hugh, you are awesome. I take back what I said before when you were competing.) Grayson talks to Emeril, and Lindsay says Grayson’s talking slows her down. Whatever, Emeril started it. Lindsay is good on shrimp. Chris is cutting the corn off the cobs, which is not shucking it, PADMA. He’s irritated that Grayson is bugging him to hurry up. Paul asks to check the corn, but he’s not cleaned the cobs enough. Chris finishes though. Grayson’s pasta is not coming out right. Sarah gets her pasta done, which means she and Lindsay are edging out Ed and Paul for first place. Sadly the girls get done first and start cooking. Ed and Paul finish with 1o minutes to cook. Grayson finally gets her pasta done, and the judges check it and approve it. Even though they’ve been talking about how her pasta is not good. Sarah and Lindsay are actually finished plating with like a minute left, and they’re tasting their dish and high-fiving each other. Ed and Paul forget to put their shrimp on the plate. Oops. Paul is upset because he says every time he and Ed are on a team together, it’s a disaster.

Grayson and Chris: fettuccini, toasted corn, oil-poached shrimp, chili, bacon, and rosemary. Sarah and Lindsay: fettuccini with corn milk, shrimp, tarragon, and parsley. Ed and Paul: Paul immediately says he forgot the shrimp, before they eat anything. Padma says the flavor’s really nice though. Grayson celebrates, which is weird. She’s gloating a lot, but I thought she liked Ed and Paul?

So, Ed and Paul can’t win. Sarah and Lindsay had a nice dish, although the tarragon was kind of overwhelming. Grayson’s pasta actually turned out well, and they managed to pull it off. And then suddenly Grayson and Chris win which I was not expecting. Sarah complains that her pasta was better, and I really hope she tried Grayson’s pasta. Although I’m sure it’s possible she’s just assuming it sucks. Sarah blames their loss on the fact that Cat doesn’t like tarragon.

Elimination Challenge: cook against your partner. I knew it was coming. Some of the product placement companies are sponsoring a community food drive. Why these companies can’t just donate some of their food, as they are FOOD COMPANIES, I don’t know. Anyway, they’re having a block party for 200 people. Are some of these 200 people the people that will benefit from the food drive? I think we know the answer to that. Each “team” will be making two different versions of the same dish, so it will be a real head-to-head battle. The diners will vote on who is up for elimination.

In an interesting twist, the pairs can decide what dish and what side they’d like to make, although they have to decide right now. So they can agree on something they’re both good at? That would be cool. Grayson says they’ll only have two hours to cook, and she is cursing the judges. Ed and Paul are like, Asian Showdown! Grayson suggests chicken salad sandwiches, which are not Chris’s favorite but he doesn’t have any other ideas. So they are making chicken salad and watermelon salad. Ed and Paul’s Asian Showdown will be Asian beef BBQ with pickled vegetables. Sarah and Lindsay are making meatballs and vegetable salads. Padma is like, oh that sounds good, but heavy. Chicken salad sounds heavy? So then there’s more healthy product placement, and you know what? Those frozen meals they keep pushing? You pay an extra dollar to get the ones that say “Top Chef”. Also all the other meals from that brand were on sale at the store today, except the official Top Chef ones. So…bite me. Everything has to be healthy. Ed is like, all Asian food is healthy, we got this. Winner gets $15,000.

In the past we’ve had “healthy” challenges before, and I think that the only one where it actually mattered if the dish was actually healthy was the first one, and that’s only because the one team added sugar to their cookies and the other team got pissed about it. I think it might have been Season 2? Anyway, Sarah wonders if Lindsay’s lamb and veal is healthier than her turkey, and it probably won’t matter in the end. Paul bought turkey, which makes Ed nervous. Really Ed thinks Paul is going to pull something out of his ass. Grayson stands at the meat counter haranguing the guys to hurry up so she can check out. Chris looks down his nose at the mayo Grayson has bought, but chicken salad without mayo is kind of gross.

Ed gives Paul some crap for being nervous and pacing all night. They will have 2.5 hours to cook, so that’s something. Chris makes mayo out of tofu. OK, that’s a good substitute for mayo. Lindsay is giving Sarah orders, I think about how to wash the mixer or something. Ed’s using kimchi and chipotles to replace ketchup. Paul has wisely picked lettuce wraps, because I think the average person will think anything is healthy when wrapped in lettuce. Ed and Paul reveal they’ve never been to a block party. I haven’t either. I mean, I understand the concept, I just have never been to one. Antisocial. With 5 minutes left, Chris is assembling his sandwiches while Grayson is still chopping things. That shot from the preview of Chris throwing a chair is because the chair is in his way, as he tries to wrap up the hot box. Not because he’s pissed at anyone in particular.

45 minutes on site. Someone did not plan well, because the site seems to be infested with bees. Grayson is going to make sandwiches to order, and Ed is making bread for 200. That might not have been the best idea. I get Grayson’s thought, though, so they don’t get soggy. Ed has decided to have people make their own sandwiches, but he was planning on open-faced sandwiches and of course he is worried about running out of bread because when faced with bread and meat, most people take two pieces of bread. Grayson has a long line but she is promising everyone it’s worth the wait. Chris is really freaking out about the bees, because he’s allergic. I’m not sure what he can do though, because it’s hot out and the back table seems to be covered in pieces of fruit and probably fruit juice.

The judges come in with bags of food that I’m sure they purchased on their own with their own money. Also, Dana Cowin is a judge today? When Emeril is also here? Why? Whatever. Paul: turkey kalbi, eggplant with white peach kimchi. Ed: open face kalbi, kimchi chipotle puree, pickled cucumber and daikon. Kalbi is Korean BBQ that is usually made with short ribs as Ed did. Paul had great flavor, but Cat says her beef from Ed is a little chewy. The bread seems to have gotten dry. Grayson: chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat buns, with arugula, pickled red onion, and feta watermelon salad with pumpkin seeds. Chris: chicken salad sandwich with tofu “mayo” and red lettuce, watermelon fruit salad with pineapple ice. Grayson’s making to order turned out well for her, but it doesn’t have a lot of flavor. Chris’s sandwich and salad tasted better, but his bread is drying out. Sarah: Calabrese style turkey meatball and vegetable salad. Calabrese style I guess means there is a southern Italian tomato sauce. Lindsay: Mediterranean meatball, lemon yogurt, black-eyed peas and quinoa Greek salad. Sarah’s meatballs are good and her salad is flavorful. Dana, however, didn’t get anything good in her salad so she’s not as thrilled. Cat thought Lindsay’s food would be heavy but it’s great and tastes wonderful. People start voting, and of course everyone is getting votes so who knows.

Commercial interlude: people curse because they believe Paul has lucky socks. There is a small discussion about which socks are luckier, and Paul reveals that he has several pairs of these socks that everyone thinks are his “lucky” socks. Heh. See, that is a good commercial interlude: something completely random that is amusing but not important to the show.

Padma calls Grayson, Paul, and Lindsay. These are the winners. Nice. Paul’s peach kimchi was fantastic. They praise Grayson for making her sandwiches to order, and then Tom is like, did you think you would win with a chicken salad sandwich? She thought it was possible, but obviously not, if Tom is asking her this question. Tom thinks it’s boring. He says that she’s up against dishes that are potentially more interesting than hers, and Grayson says, “Like a MEATBALL?!” Burn. She insists she was going to do an elevated chicken salad sandwich, but she obviously feels that meatballs are boring too. Tom just smiles and nods. Lindsay had perfect seasoning and the yogurt was great. Paul wins, of course, because he wins all the time. And he has his lucky socks on. Grayson looks pissed, but even if you think chicken salad is more interesting than meatballs, I’m not sure you can make the same argument about Korean barbeque.

The minute everyone is gone, Grayson says she feels “brutalized” and that she has noted that the judges want to do more. No mention of how she told the judges Lindsay’s dish was lame. Ed thinks using bread would be better than rice’s “empty calories”, but Padma tells him bread is also empty calories. Not true. Plus the rest of the dish was not perfect. He trimmed his short ribs, so they’d be healthy, but then the fat was the best part of the short ribs. Chris talks about how his dish was healthier than Grayson’s, and Tom agrees with him on that, but because he made the sandwiches the day before all the bread dried out. Sarah tried to be healthier, but she used cheese for some reason. Plus she didn’t give Dana all the different vegetables.

Chris says he doesn’t want to go home, only he curses every other word. Ed points out that every time Chris thinks he’s going home, someone else goes home. Obviously, or Chris wouldn’t still be there. None of the dishes were lost causes. Sarah’s meatball was very good, just not as good as Lindsay’s. Chris really went healthy for his dish, but everything was dry and bland. Tom doesn’t think he can execute. Ed’s short ribs were dry and they seem irritated about his making bread instead of using rice? I think they feel their intelligence was insulted.

Tom reminds everyone about what he just talked about, and tells them the details have really started to matter with only 6 people left. Chris is sent home. He’ll miss being here. Grayson decides it’s her fault because she suggested chicken salad. Probably not, but way to make it about yourself. Chris is glad to go home to Moto and tells the chefs left not to let Paul win a record-setting amount of money.

Next week: Pee Wee Herman. Heads are hung in shame and/or embarrassment. And then…everyone gets bikes and has to find ingredients? There is following? Pee Wee seems to be fairly entertaining.

Last Chance Kitchen: Chris stands around in the house kitchen, claiming to not have understood “kitchen” meant “Top Chef kitchen”. He talks to the honey bear, which hilariously has angry eyebrows drawn in with a marker. Hee. Chris says Beverly is a nice person but not particularly intimidating. Chris goes to the right kitchen, where the peanut gallery greets him. There are several long glances and declarations of feeling between Chris and Richie. Tom lets us in on an important detail: next week’s winner will be re-entering the competition. Huh. So, they’ll get down to the final four and then put them back in. The challenge: use everything in the mystery box. And in all the mystery boxes we decide to throw at you, whenever we decide to throw them at you. So it’s like Chopped. Or MasterChef. 30 minutes. The first box contains marshmallows, pine nuts, parsnips, buttermilk, lamb chops, and something that Chris describes but I have absolutely no idea what he says. Ah, the camera guy shows me it is cinnamon. Beverly refuses to play the “explain things to the peanut gallery” game. See, this is why they don’t like you. I’m not saying they weren’t bitches, but…it’s not like the producers didn’t force them to ask you. Dakota appears with a box of radicchio. Ty-Lor suddenly shouts “It’s Mom vs. Dad, let’s see who’s the better parent”. That was hilarious for some reason. Heather brings out white anchovies. Yum. Chris is frying them, I think. Richie tells Chris they cook with marshmallows all the time, which earns him the bird. Beverly: grilled lamb chop with parsnips, curry, radicchio and white anchovy vinaigrette. I think the marshmallows are in the sauce? Tom never asks. Chris: grilled lamb chop with a sweet puree, radicchio salad with pancetta, pine nuts, and apple. Beverly’s dish was nicely put together, not too sweet. Chris did the same thing. Well cooked lamb and good combinations. One didn’t quite hit the mark well, and that was Chris. Beverly’s celebration is much more subdued today.

Project Runway All Stars 1/19/12--"Patterning for Piggy" summary

2012-01-19T22:48:00.002-06:00

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make ball gowns for a night at the opera. Austin wisely pointed out that an opera gown is not the same thing as a red carpet gown. He was the favorite, and he ended up winning, naturally. His dress was actually very good. Michael managed to make a dramatic gown but did not win. Sweet P made a weird empire waist gown that I saw compared to a traditional Korean gown but the print was ugly and the top looked like a swimsuit so she went home. (click for more)

Andrea tells everyone they must create “a flamboyant cocktail dress” for a celebrity, blah blah, we already know who it is because you spoiled it last week. Also having a flat screen with Miss Piggy on it is weak sauce. I demand scrim shadows. Everyone laughs without thinking about the logistics of this. Anthony says “I’m going to get to design a dress for a Muppet” and I can’t tell if he’s thrilled or irritated. The winner will have the dress modified “for Miss Piggy’s figure”. I mean, obviously they will have to make a smaller version. But do they have to design for a plus sized person? Also she will be there to judge. Why couldn’t she be there now then? They have the rest of the day.

Sketching begins, and for some reason I’m irritated they are pretending this is a serious challenge. Mila is going “classic”. At least some people discuss their kids/nieces/nephews being thrilled. Austin is going with a “pink bow concept”. Gordana is also going pink and is noticing others are going black. Seriously, you need to make up some crazy shit for this.

Gordana thinks everyone is going for structure, but she is staying true to herself and going for youthful and “the family side”. Whatever that means. Everyone seems very serious. Rami is picking out accessories for some reason, now, and Mondo claims the pink satin gloves from his workstation. He and Kara fight about it. Well, Mondo shouts “I want the pink gloves, don’t take them” and Kara says “can I take the pink gloves” and Mondo says “whatever, I don’t want to fight about it, take the damn gloves”.

I don’t know why this challenge is irritating me. I mean, obviously there is a person or persons who are responsible for Miss Piggy’s “style”. I don’t know. Rami has polka dots. Anthony talks about being a lady. April is focused so she won’t be in the bottom two anymore. I am sure you will be shocked to know Kenly is doing retro. Mila interviews that SOME people are DESPERATE for other people’s approval, but SHE is not like that.

Joanna time! OK…that doesn’t sound half bad. Gordana has a short dress but the top is floaty and has ruffles or rosettes along the neckline. Joanna is feeling nightgown which is bad. Gordana is going for comfort, and Joanna basically says that celebrities will do anything, up to and including a saran wrap corset, to look good. Comfort is not important here. Mila is making a headband, and Joanna reminds her she is designing for a pig and ears are involved. See this is what I’m talking about. YOU ARE DESIGNING FOR A MUPPET. I think Kenley has pink cow print and a turquoise shawl thing. Austin feels a kindred spirit with Miss Piggy, with the random French phrases and the fashion. True. He is making a giant ass bow. I bet it won’t matter. Who else are you going to make a giant ass bow for? Mondo has a fabulous print, as he usually does, and is going 60’s. Joanna tells him to keep focused.

Models show up with one hour left. Mila’s fitting a muslin sleeve, but the rest of the dress is off and this is not good. Gordana’s dress is very loose and shapeless, but maybe she’ll make it work. Mondo doesn’t like the way his dress is going, but he’s almost out of time. Kenley is still yelling to Kara about her top. Mila thinks they are co-dependent. Yeah, maybe they are. But I think it’s early enough it might be OK. Also what do you care?

Apartment time seems to be slap-happy. Anthony quotes Oprah. Actually they all seem to be getting along which is a nice thing to see.

The day of the show, everyone is frantically working. Some things never change. Anthony says he was going to eat some bacon this morning but felt conflicted. Hee. Austin is horrified and says Anthony had better not admit to it on the runway. 2 hours for hair and makeup. Kara apparently stacked up accessories somewhere and didn’t label them. I’m not sure how that happened, but Austin has them now. He gives them back with a huge sigh and says this is the second time she’s stolen his accessories. Kenley thinks she will win. They let Austin quote the Muppet Show opening.

Isaac isn’t here, but Eric Daman is here. He designs for Gossip Girl. And Miss Piggy. Michael: a very short sheath dress, strapless, with big stiff loops down one side. And giant loops on her head. It’s shiny. Exposed zipper GAH. April: short flouncy black dress with an inverted skirt (like a big peplum and then it gets narrower). The top has a deep V with an inset panel in a contrasting print. Feathers along the armholes. It’s cute. Jerell: short pink dress with a mullet hem and a ruffle on the hem. The top has illusion netting and jewels and fuzzy shoulders. But it doesn’t fit right, it’s all baggy around her waist. Kara: short tight black dress with a cutout. Like, it’s a bikini top and then a high-waisted skirt with hot pink piping on the seams. The hot pink gloves…I guess they go. Eh. Kenley: a full circle skirt and a strapless top, with a weird deep cleft in the middle. As though she has ears on her boobs. It’s a pink giraffe print and there are petticoats and a white belt and a giant huge piece of netting on her head. Thank God she got rid of the turquoise shawl. The skirt is good but I hate the top. Anthony: black dress with a boat neck and no sleeves, and a mullet hem. The top is sheer over her shoulders, and there is a bunch of flowers or something going on on her chest but it’s all dark so I can’t tell what it is. The sheer has stripes in it.

Rami: a short flamenco dress in pink polka dots. There’s a ruffle along her shoulders and the neckline, and a flower, and then it’s fitted until just above her knees where there’s another ruffle. It really does look like a flamenco dress, just not floor length. You know what this would have been good for? A Barbie challenge. Mila: short black and white mod dress. She’s back to the color blocking, but all in black and white, with stripes on the sleeves and random white rectangles. Blah. Gordana: short dusty rose dress with a lot of rosettes along the neckline and shoulders. There is a slight mullet hem, and the hem is sewn strangely so it sits weird. It’s pretty shapeless. Austin: very fitted sheath dress, in gray with a dark pink panel down the front. There are big bows over each hip, and the bodice is gray with pink bra cups. I would not have though it was Austin’s dress, and it certainly doesn’t looks like anyone else’s. Mondo: very shiny pink dress, with a miniskirt and a high crew neck and little cap sleeves. I think there are two tiers to the skirt? As if she wore a tunic over a miniskirt.

Austin for some reason is dressed like a male flamenco dancer, with the wide flat hat and ruffled shirt and thin bow at the neck and jacket. Austin, Rami, Gordana, Kenley, Mila, and Michael are the top and bottom. Austin’s dress is well made, but his pink is too dark. It’s not happy. Eric starts talking about how on a real woman, hip bows are a bad thing, but seriously this man is wearing his shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest and then a necktie tied normally inside the shirt. I cannot take anything he says seriously. Miss Piggy asks if you could hula hoop in the dress. Sigh. Rami wanted a festive print and something that would move a lot. Angela wonders if the “average” woman could wear this dress successfully, but Georgina likes that he went for it. Eric makes a dumb comment about “Parisian hog couture”. Shut up. Miss Piggy loves it, although it is garish and outlandish. Gordana wanted to bring happiness, but this dress might be too understated. It’s a nice dress, but maybe not for Miss Piggy. Michael kisses everyone’s ass but Georgina likes his dress and the exposed zipper. Sigh. But it’s very dark, and maybe he could use some pink accessories. Miss Piggy thinks it looks like a present. Mila’s dress really needs some color. It’s graphic, but this was a challenge where she pretty much was required to use color. Kenley wanted her dress to say “This movie is fun, I’m in it….I’m fabulous…” Yeah. The color is great, but the top causes concern. Kenley says it has boning and then reveals that it is upholstery fabric. Who wants to wear upholstery fabric? Georgina says it looks like she’s about to fall out of it. There is a stupid conversation between Miss Piggy and shirtless loser about her ears and hats.

Austin’s dress was flamboyant but not classy. Plus shiny satin is not flattering. I am noticing that in the shots of all four judges, Miss Piggy is not moving at all. The only shots of her moving and talking are solitary shots. Mila’s dress is retro but Goth which is not Miss Piggy. Georgina thinks she made something from a collection of hers but she didn’t meet the challenge. They didn’t like Gordana’s shade of pink. Kenley’s bust construction looks like it will fall down any second. Rami’s dress is fun and attention-getting, which is not a bad thing here. Oh, now she’s moving in the full shot. He made a dress that probably would not work for any other challenge. Michael let himself down in the styling, although his dress was great. And he made a top hat, which is weird. Eric makes a dumb comment and gets smacked. The girls laugh, because the man just got shown by a Muppet.

Kenley is safe. Miss Piggy makes a big deal about the dramatic pause, and then declares Michael the winner. Eh. He’s super thrilled though. Rami is in. Austin is in. Gordana’s dress didn’t stand out enough. Mila’s dress didn’t fit the client. Mila is safe. Gordana is looking forward to going back home and being more creative. She says she would love to tell everyone it’s never too late to follow your own dreams.

Next week: Diane von Furstenberg! They have 6 hours to make something. I guess just any dress? The time is the important thing. Well some of them have made dresses in less time, I’m sure. You know, when people freak out and start over at the end of a challenge. They should have no problem.

Top Chef 1/18/12--"Fit for an Evil Queen" summary

2012-01-18T22:48:00.001-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: Restaurant Wars. The women continued to gang up on Beverly, and I guess she’s kind of annoying, but you aren’t her mother, SARAH. And she can cook. The women’s restaurant had better food (if crappy service) and Beverly was the winner of that challenge. The men sort of did OK, but in the end Ty-Lor didn’t season any of his dishes and ended up going home. (click for more)

In Last Chance Kitchen, Nyesha continues her reign. They had to make desserts, and in the end Nyesha wins again. Which is good because apparently Nyesha and Ty-Lor got into it after like, the first episode, so Nyesha had two people she wanted to beat: Heather and Ty-Lor. And now she has.

Sarah bitches that Lindsay should have won instead of Beverly because she held them together. You didn’t seem to think so when you told her you’d go talk to the judges if she couldn’t handle it. Whatever. Tom shows up in the Stew Room to tell them they’re going back to San Antonio. Whatever also.

In the car Chris says he’s done different things every time. He seems irritated. Also the boys know full well the girls are mad Beverly won. Cut to the girls’ car, where everyone is sitting in silence. Bev knows what is up, and she says she won fair and square. Lindsay complains about how hard it was to set up the room and brief the servers and so forth. She tells us she was justified in being a bitch to Beverly because “it was needed to keep us on the top”. Really? Is that really what you want to say on television? Bullying is totally OK if it means your team wins. Ugh. Sarah talks about being close to the final four, even though there are still seven people left. She “truly believes” she belongs there. False. Paul says competition is heating up.

Eric Ripert! He’s cool. Also there is a conveyer belt. Ed doesn’t know what it means, except that he’s positive it’s going to suck for them. Heh. Padma says this is about quick thinking. The Quickfire is about using 30 minutes to make a dish, and also using the moving conveyor belt. you must pick 3 ingredients from the belt and use them in the dish. If you wait, you could get something you want, but then you have less time to cook. Interesting. Winner gets immunity.

There seem to be junk food items like Pop Rocks. Lindsay runs to get staples because right now she doesn’t see anything on the belt she wants. Ed takes macadamia nuts and makes a nut pun. And now he has sauerkraut. Huh. Chris is making generic food? That will go with a lot of different things? He specifically says he’s not taking Pop Rocks, and I would think that’s right up his alley. Grayson is making a white wine carrot sauce and hoping some fish shows up on the belt. A whole pail of lobsters goes by, but before Chris can get to it, it disappears into the back. He stands around until he realizes they took it off the belt. Hee. That’s pretty evil. Paul gets frustrated and takes saffron, bread, and bitter melon. He says that no matter how you prepare bitter melon, it’s always a little bitter. Duh. Chris stands around and curses because of course, the lobster has been removed but the Oreos and Pop Rocks are still there. Sarah takes saltines because she’s worried it’s a trick and there won’t be any awesome ingredients at the last minute. Someone in the back has a warped and awesome sense of humor, because a cameraman catches the bucket of lobsters going around again. As Chris is too late to get them again. Bev ends up with Rice Krispies, black eyed peas, and tofu. Bleh. Some nice person hollers at Chris about the lobsters, and he just barely manages to snatch one out of the pail as it’s disappearing. I kind of wish there was a PA back there fighting him for the bucket. You’d see their hand on the bucket, smacking Chris so he’ll drop the lobster. Lindsay is still standing around with like 9 minutes left. But she gets clams and grouper, and decides on bouillabaisse. For Eric Ripert. Lots of frantic running around. Time is called, and then Bev suddenly drops her head in her hands. The Rice Krispies are in a pan next to her plate. Ouch.

Ed: sauerkraut soup, shrimp, and shaved truffle. And macadamia nuts somewhere. Chris: butter poached lobster with foie gras. Cauliflower with milk and vanilla? I don’t know. Grayson: butter poached Dover sole with Goldfish, rosemary, and grapefruit. Paul: mussels in ginger and bitter melon broth. Sarah: fried soft shell crab and cottage cheese sauce, shaved artichoke salad. Lindsay: bouillabaisse with grouper and clams, and fennel-Pernod broth. Beverly: glazed sockeye salmon and black-eyed peas. She has to admit she didn’t get the Rice Krispies on the plate. They ask to taste them anyway, and tell her it’s nice. Ed says she should have cheated and just thrown them in the air and hoped they hit the plate. Oh please, you’d be the first person to bitch about her cheating if she did.

Eric says Chris’s dish didn’t come together, Grayson’s grapefruit zest was too overwhelming, and Paul didn’t get the bitterness out of his bitter melon. Sarah did well with her cottage cheese, Lindsay’s flavors complimented each other, and Beverly did a good job with her tofu. Padma rubs it in and says if she had gotten the Rice Krispies on the plate, she would have won “by a mile”. That sucks. So instead, Lindsay wins immunity. Bleh. She’s pissed, though, because Eric and Padma basically told her that her dish wasn’t the best. Well too bad.

For the Elimination challenge, everyone must make a dish “fit for a queen”. Chris begins guessing queens: “The Queen of England? Queen Latifah?” Oo, they should get Queen Latifah on this show. Maybe it’s RuPaul. Sadly it is Charlize Theron. She is in one of the Snow White movies coming out this year. Actually the Queen in the other movie is Julia Roberts, so either of those two would be awesome. Sarah has another fangirl moment like she did earlier. She explains that this movie is “epic” and “darker”, and that the Queen in this movie is basically a serial killer. Nice. Each dish in this feast must be “gothic” and “wickedly beautiful”.

They don’t show menu planning, so hopefully this won’t be a team challenge. During shopping Paul says he’s making an “enchanted forest” and I have a flashback to Hung and his cereal landscape or whatever the fuck that was. Grayson is getting violent I guess. Sarah is finding red wine for risotto. Beverly shoves around Grayson, and Grayson interviews that Beverly isn’t loud, but then all of a sudden she’s all up in your grill and you’re running into her. Grayson calls her a “bulldog” and seems to respect it, which is a nice change. Lindsay is making scallops and short ribs and dragon beans, whatever those are.

Back at the house, Ed is suggesting he throw pig’s blood on everyone. Is he serious? With Ed there’s always that little part of him that sounds like he’s serious. Chris is getting into his dish and waving his hands around. He gets a phone call home, which normally would be a sign he was doomed, but they don’t always do that anymore. Paul asks everyone sitting around if they’re comfortable with “the plan”, which seems to be a list of ways to be respectful, not taking things, asking for things you need, etc. Lindsay says Beverly grabs things without asking or whatever, and Paul says to play nice. Sarah says “No wicked games tomorrow”. My head is going to explode if I think about that any more.

2 hours to cook. Ed is making a black sauce and a white sauce. Interesting. Paul says he has 14 components to make. Then he tells us that Beverly is making halibut, and he thinks it’s because she wants to show Lindsay she can cook it when she can do it her way and not Lindsay’s way. Paul says some of the other chefs underestimate Beverly, and that she has the most cooking experience of anyone left in the competition. It’s nice to see people respecting their fellow contestants. Lindsay’s dish is sort of stolen from Michelle Bernstein. Sarah is cooking lamb heart, which I have to admit is a good dish for the evil Queen from Snow White. Grayson is cooking black chicken, and she is realizing the heads are attached, and that they can get dry easily. Chris looks like he’s stuffing things into an apple and then covering it in pastry, which I think would be cool if done well. Paul burns something so he trashes that part of his dish. The judges show up (Eric and Emeril) and Charlize says if she was making a “wicked” dish, she would just make whatever and put poison in it.

Ed: tuna tartare with black garlic ponzu, and Asian pear vinaigrette. There are fried fish scales on top for spikes. The sauces taste great together. Tom says when you combine good and evil you get a politician. Paul is putting bloody handprints on his plates. Nice. Paul: foie gras with bacon, pumpernickel, pickled cherries, and beets. All the food is over on one side, around the edge of the plate, and then a big red handprint in the middle. Actually it looks cool. Eric is a little worried about hands on the plates. It all comes together and it’s fantastic. Beverly: seared halibut with red curry coulis and forbidden black rice. She says Snow White is the halibut, prevailing against blackness. Or something. They love it and the fish is perfect.

Lindsay: seared scallop over “witch’s stew”, which is braised short rib and dragon beans. It has blackening spices in it, which smell great. Plus they love the dragon beans. Sarah: amarone risotto with lamb heart. Amarone is the wine. It’s flavorful and the heart is delicious. Although I must say, and only partially because I don’t like Sarah, her plate is the least appetizing looking. Risotto cooked in red wine ends up kind of dark brown. Lumpy dark brown. Grayson: black chicken with beets, quail egg, and foie gras. She wanted the beets to look like blood (which they do) and then she says the quail egg represents “the baby she had inside her when she was slaughtered.” Ew. They do love the presentation, and the taste doesn’t disappoint. Chris: poisoned apple and cherry pie. So, he cored the apples, stuffed them with cherries, and then covered the end in pastry and baked them. Also there are Rice Krispy “maggots”, gummi worms, and some apple powder frozen in liquid nitrogen so it smokes. This is where the crazy molecular gastronomy works. It’s smoking, and baked apples always get wrinkled and look brown and old and questionable, and then when you cut it open, bright red cherries ooze out everywhere. Awesome.

Tom says this is the most exciting meal they’ve had this season, and Eric responds that this is one of the best meals he’s had on this show. They’re going to be nitpicking to get rid of someone. Charlize asks if she gets the head of the loser on a silver platter. Heh.

Commercial interlude: making music with pots and containers of nuts and whatever random shit is lying around. Like small children.

Padma collects everyone, for a change. Nice. Eric isn’t here, for some reason. Boo. Tom praises all of them, as does Charlize. Various judges praise everyone, actually, since they all had really good dishes. Charlize says that they were impressed by everyone, but the winner is Paul. Nice. He gets two tickets to the world premiere of the movie, and he’s impressed that he won with such tough competition. Padma tells Ed, Lindsay, and Chris that they’re also safe, so they can take off.

Everyone has done well, but someone has to go home. Tom starts by telling them they should put all their dishes on their menus back home, and Grayson is shaking her head. Hee. Charlize liked Sarah’s presentation, but she says the first bite was salty. Tom also says the risotto was a touch undercooked. Sarah begs for her spot and says she loves food and she lives food and whatever. Beverly used arrowroot to thicken the sauce and it got a little sticky. Tom says she should have served on hot plates. Beverly says she wanted her dish to be elegant and not grotesque. She also begs for her spot and says she’s doing this for her family and gets choked up. Tom asks Grayson how a girl from Wisconsin comes up with crazy things like bloody black chicken. The greens were a little salty, and the egg was hard to handle. Also the foie gras was just kind of thrown on there. Grayson tells the judges she went all out on the theme, and how Beverly said she wanted to go elegant. She pauses, and then drops it. Was she going to talk about how grotesque is better than elegant, but then realized she didn’t want to attack Beverly to save herself? She could have done pasta or risotto, but she didn’t so let’s hope they see that. I find it interesting that Grayson was the one person last episode defending Beverly, and yet today, Sarah isn’t the one saying disparaging things about other people at Judges’ Table.

Grayson made some clear mistakes, but her presentation was fantastic and she took a risk. Beverly had a well-balanced dish, although it didn’t look wicked or dark. Plus the sauce had a weird texture. Sarah’s risotto was undercooked and had too much cheese. That’s really about all they have to say.

Everyone made good dishes, but someone has to go home. And that person is Beverly. Dammit. It’s telling that Bev turns to Grayson, who hugs her, while Sarah starts walking out of the room without her. And she could have had immunity! Damn Rice Krispies! She’s glad she showed people how strong she was, in addition to how well she cooks. According to Tom’s blog, it came down to the theme. Beverly just didn’t do as well fitting the theme as the other two.

Next week: head to head battles, Cat Cora, Grayson gets bitchy. Fun!

Last Chance Kitchen: why do we have to watch all of people’s bitchy nonsense? OK, good. That’s over. Nyesha is feeling confident. I don’t know who to root for. Tom asks the peanut gallery who will win, and Heather immediately says Nyesha. Tom calls her on it, because Tom is awesome, and says they’ve had some history so…it’s an unfinished sentence but clearly Tom doesn’t care what she thinks. No one thinks Bev will win, but she believes in herself. Today’s challenge: 30 minutes to cook with black drum, which is a local fish. They will have one chance to get food and equipment from the pantry. So plan ahead. They both load up (true to what people said earlier Beverly totally gets in Nyesha’s way at the fridge) and head back to start cooking. Tom comes running back in like the place is on fire and orders them to stop and switch ingredients with each other. Heh. Nyesha is pissed, partially because Bev has already dredged her whole fish in cornstarch. And covered the whole station in cornstarch. Beverly has a plan, while Nyesha is not interested in Beverly’s ingredients. With 6 minutes left, Beverly hasn’t even filleted her fish yet, which is a problem. And now her pan is so hot it’s a weird color. And now she’s pouring out her oil into the grill? What? That is so unsafe. Both girls put their fish in the pan at the same time and the peanut gallery is freaking out. Beverly: seared black drum with oranges, fennel, and black olives. Nyesha: seared black drum with julienne of tri-pepper, slaw, and pineapple chutney. They both did an excellent job, and it comes down to seasoning. And whose dish was under seasoned? Nyesha HOLY CRAP NYESHA?! Wow. Beverly shrieks, as the peanut gallery is obviously pissed off. Nyesha says Bev deserves it as much as the next person, but she wanted it more. So Nyesha got to beat the two people she wanted to, and Beverly wins and I’m sure it irks Heather something fierce.

Project Runway All Stars 1/12/12--"A Night at the Opera" summary

2012-01-12T22:19:00.001-06:00

Previously on Project Runway: A gang of people we’d all seen before showed up and were thrown feet-first into making clothes from the dollar store. Rami tried to prove that he had moved beyond draping by making a strange structural dress that was very impractical but pretty much screamed “FASHION” so he won. Elisa, love her, but a weird tube top and hot pants and wings are not really good. So she’s already gone. But everyone seems to have some level of respect for each other and it’s good to see most of them. The only one that I was not terribly happy to see was Kenley and she really didn’t say anything. (click for more)

Angela tells everyone they made it past the first week, and now it’s all about “high end glamour” and show stopping ball gowns. The guest judges get to come out now, who are Badgley and Mischka, and basically say exactly what Angela said. Design a gown for the opera with a “true couture touch”. Everyone thinks Austin will win. They will have one day. Mondo is slightly worried.

30 minutes to sketch. However, Mondo never designs before he shops. He just goes and lets the fabric speak to him. I miss Tim at Mood. Kenley buys pink. April is buying “off-blood red”. Michael starts talking about red too, and apparently Michael asks if she’s going to use red, and she’s like, yeah. That’s why there’s red fabric here. April interviews “If you want to do red, do fucking red.” Michael makes it sound like she’s copying him, but I doubt it. I like April’s comment. Who cares, indeed. Michael tells the employee that he’s not doing red because SOMEONE ELSE is doing red and he’s losing it. OK, drama queen. He buys black matte jersey. That’s elegant. Look, I have nothing against jersey, just that I don’t think of it when I think “couture gown for the opera”.

Kara thinks everyone has realized their competition is good and they’re buckling down. April dyes her red. Several people are worried for her. Michael still works quickly. Austin would hate to lose.

Joanna shows up to investigate. Kenley says she likes that Joanna is the mentor, and pretends it has nothing to do with how she was a bitch to Tim when she was on the show before. Rami has some triangles. Austin knows everyone expects him to win, so he’s kind of nervous about it. Gordana thinks it shouldn’t be a big deal for him. He is making something with gold lamé. April has a very ambitious plan which better work because there is no Plan B. Michael has some like, feathers, or something. Joanna asks if he is making cups for the top, I guess because that helps to prevent nip slips. See, Tim would never have asked that. Kara has some pastels, which is a problem. Joanna tells her so, and I think she might cry which is so sad. Sweet P has a floral thing. Anthony has white, but he promises it will be too sexy to feel bridal.

Rami tries to tell us he’s only human and it’s nice to get some approval. Sweet P has a lot of work to do. Kara still has her pastels. Mondo thinks she’s the weakest, because she doubts herself too much. Yeah. Anthony is wearing a T-shirt that says “Thank you Mood!” Where can we get those? Austin thinks Michael’s dress is too “celebrity” and not enough “socialite”. Interesting. Which will the judges respond to more? Michael still has plenty of work to do.

In the apartment everyone complains about the lack of time and how you can’t make “couture” in one day. Anthony thinks it’s insulting to the world of couture to use that word, so we’ll just call it “really, really, really pumped-up prom dresses”. Hee. Kara confides in Kenley, which saddens me, but then she confides in Austin too so that’s good.

Everyone comes in the next day and freaks out about how much work is left. Trash talking others. Hot makeup guy. I want him to say his name and flirt with Rami. Jerell thinks his model looks like “mo fo money!”

Kenley: it’s pink. It’s a bubble-gum pink ball gown with one tier and a bodice that is hidden by a giant floppy bow that is pink with black polka dots. Jeez. Gordana: long periwinkle dress with a sequined (beaded?) halter top and a skirt that seems to have inset panels in a lighter shade. It’s not flattering at all, because it just highlights where her legs are and the top of the skirt is tight…it’s not good. Rami: off the shoulder dress in a deep pink, almost a red. The bodice is fitted until her hips, right under her butt, and the skirt is pleated where it meets the bodice. The top is all pieced together and looks interesting. It just ends at an unflattering spot. Mila: black sparkly tight dress with a swath of tulle over one shoulder. And sparkly shoes. It’s not exciting, but it’s not bad. Sweet P: halter top in coral and a empire waisted skirt in a coordinating floral print. Oh, it’s bad. It’s not evening and I always think an empire waist makes one look pregnant and it doesn’t look good for Sweet P. Honey, she does not look like Cinderella. Mondo: shiny, shiny silver cocktail dress with a miniskirt and a tail. The train attaches to her butt and drags on the ground, but the skirt is a miniskirt. And she has over the elbow white gloves.

Jerell: empire waist gown with a print and a black bodice with illusion netting. I think the bodice has feathers. It seems fuzzy. The print is a subtle spotted “animal” print that isn’t as bad as the prints we’ve seen so far. The back is sheer. Kara: empire waist strapless gown in a pastel floral print with a black thin belt. You know what it reminds me of? And I hate to say this, but my prom dress was from Laura Ashley, and it was pastel florals with a white lace thing on the bodice. It was TERRIBLE. I am ashamed of it. This is not good, Kara. Anthony: long white Grecian draped gown. One side has a long swath of fabric, which covers her arm, and the other arm is bare. It’s slit down to her navel, with a chain and a pendant for a belt. It’s not bridal, I’ll give him that. Black gloves!? Why? Austin: shiny gold, sweetheart neckline. Then over that is straps and black tulle. Like, the straps cross over her waist and go around her neck like a collar, and the tulle is threaded around the collar so it covers her boobs, and then flares out behind her like a cape. It’s interesting, but I think I want the tulle to be another color. April: red dress, with the bottom half dyed a darker red. It’s one-shouldered, and the bodice is all piecemeal like Rami’s. But there’s nothing going on with the dyed part. It just looks like she waded through a river to get here. Michael: black gown with a keyhole opening. I think he had a rectangular piece that he put across her shoulders, and sewed to the gown so it looks like she has shoulder pads. But the rectangular piece has beading and feathers along the margins. It does look pretty interesting, although then randomly in the back is a train and also that thing where there’s a belt, and then the top of the skirt is like six inches lower on her butt. I don’t really like that.

Anthony, April, Sweet P, Austin, Kara, and Michael are called out as the winners and losers. Anthony made sure to have leather gloves and other touches to keep from having a bridal gown. They love the edge, and that it’s vampy. April did some color, but the dyeing is a problem. When they show a close-up, it’s obvious she was going for an ombre effect, only she didn’t quite make it. The top has some pleats, and a weird neckline. It looks unfinished. Badgley and Mischka hate red and black together. You know, someone somewhere decided that plus size women only want to wear red and black, because I know there was one year when those were the only colors I could find. Bleh. There’s a weird flap over one hip, too. On close-up this dress looks worse. Poor April. Sweet P talks more about Cinderella, and Isaac says “prom dress”, and Georgina wanted her to use the print on the bodice. It’s colorful though. Isaac claims a woman’s boobs are the focus, so the bodice must be fantastic. Everyone loves Austin’s dress, of course. It’s modest, which Isaac loves. Kara says her print isn’t conventional for evening, and they agree (not that that makes it bad), but it’s so simple it must be absolutely perfect. They are nitpicking her belt, because there’s nothing to her dress so it must be done exactly right. Georgina doesn’t see Kara in this dress. Michael wanted everyone to look at his girl when she walked in. Isaac can’t believe he made this in one day, and then says something about Kim Kardashian at the opera. Really? Let’s not encourage that. The judges love the belt thing in the back, so whatever. It’s a thing, I guess. I just don’t like it.

April had a good idea but it didn’t go far enough. It was sloppy, but at least it wasn’t boring. The back looked like she just stitched the extra fabric down. Sweet P had a nice skirt, that is appealing, but the bodice looked like a cheap swimsuit. It wasn’t a ball gown. Well, by that definition, you didn’t have that many ball gowns at all. Kara’s dress gets mixed reviews. The fabric is a problem. Now for the top. Anthony had a beautiful white dress with a specific drape to it, and it was fantastic. Austin’s dress was tasteful but exciting, fresh, executed wonderfully. Michael’s gown was spectacular, if somewhat familiar. And made of jersey, I forgot about that.

Anthony is in. Austin wins, because I’m pretty sure no one wants to tell Austin he got beat by Michael Costello. Michael is in. Kara is safe. April is in. Awe, Sweet P. She’s happy to have met people she watched and respected from afar. And she has a happy life.

Next week: create a “flamboyant” cocktail dress. For Miss Piggy. Awesome. She is on the judging panel. Austin dresses as a flamenco dancer. That is almost as good as dressing drag queens.

Top Chef 1/11/12--"Restaurant Wars" summary

2012-01-12T01:13:00.001-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire involved “modernist cuisine”, which everyone took to mean “molecular gastronomy”. I don’t know what it means either. Sadly MotoChris did not win, but Ty-Lor was the victor. Then everyone had to make BBQ for 300 people. This involved teams, staying up all night, and various people not wanting to be with various other people, and grilling things which is not the same as barbeque so getting in trouble for that. It also involved Sarah avoiding passing out by going to the hospital, and Ed bitching about it. Then he bitched when she came back. Ed’s not a happy person. The team of Paul, Lindsay, and Grayson won with some Asian flavors, and while everyone else seemed to suck at some level, Chris C. goes home for making the rubs for his team. Salty rubs. Yeah. (click for more)

At Last Chance Kitchen Chris and Nyesha go to a gas station to buy things, and they seem to do fairly well, but in the end Nyesha remains victorious.

Didn’t the promo say this Restaurant Wars was men vs. women? Did they just come up with that? As in, they saw that it was even and said “Let’s divide them that way instead of drawing knives or whatever”? Because otherwise that means they had to plan to have even numbers by making sure to get rid of certain people, and while I would totally assume that of Project Runway, I would like to think this show is better than that.

No Quickfire today. Padma and Hugh get right to it and declare Restaurant Wars: Girls vs. Boys. Ed of course thinks the boys are better, and decides to get in a jab at Sarah by saying her weakness is “barbequing in the sun”. I’m pretty sure with three other people she’s going to be able to avoid that, if their restaurant even has barbeque. Sarah is worried about Beverly. It sounds like this season they’ll be taking over the same restaurant, so one team will serve one night and the other team the night after. Plus you get to eat in the other team’s restaurant. Interesting. The team that goes second gets a whole day to adjust and analyze the other team’s problems. They flip a coin to decide who goes first, and the boys win (lose?) so they go first. Three course menu, two choices per course, for 100 guests. One person must be front-of-house, and each person has to make at least one dish. 5 hours to cook and decorate.

45 minutes to plan. Ed says he can do front-of-house. Right. He claims to have some experience because he owns his restaurant, but he’s been acting like a jerk for a while. Maybe he’ll be nice to customers? Let’s hope so. Lindsay sort of gets volunteered to be in the front, because as Grayson says, she’s opened restaurants and can keep her cool. They seem to be going for rustic and homey, with the name “Half Bushel”. That’s not a bad name. The boys want to go for “Canteen”, which doesn’t suck. I think they are collaborating on their food, except I can’t tell what the theme is. Who knows. Someone tells Beverly she has to take over a dish, and Sarah shoots down all her ideas. Then she volunteers short ribs, and Sarah is all, do you want to do short ribs AGAIN? And someone says “Why not? She’s fucking good at it.” Exactly. Beverly says “I gotta have a dish. I’m sorry” to Sarah, and Sarah condescends, “That’s not what I’m saying, Bev”. What are you saying, then? Did Sarah decide someone has to bully Beverly?

People shop for decorations, but that never matters. You know, based on EVERY PREVIOUS SEASON. Food shopping involves $4000. Grayson says she feels bad for Beverly, because “the girls” don’t like her, but everyone is here to win. Does Grayson include herself in “the girls”? Really it seems Sarah is nitpicking everything Beverly does while Grayson and Lindsay stand around. MotoChris (hey! I can just call him Chris now!) thinks the girls are self destructing. “Boys rule, girls are gonna lose.” Oh, you can’t even get THAT right? GOD.

In the morning Chris says this whole thing is the Kobayashi Maru. So…it’s an impossible test that everyone fails because the test is rigged, and the only way not to fail is to cheat. Oh, I paused too soon. He explains what the Kobayashi Maru is. Actually he explains it as an impossible test but leaves out the part about cheating. And William Shatner. Lots of prep and cooking, and Ed setting up the dining room by himself. I think Ty-Lor says something about fish caramel sauce. Ed’s making a dessert, but Chris is helping him out. I think their decorations are “rustic” or at least playful. Amusingly Ed says he has to clean the bathrooms too. But I am glad to see he gives good directions to the wait staff.

Service starts, and the food looks interesting, and Ed is running around seating people and reminding the waiters to put table numbers on things. Ty-Lor is realizing they never agreed on who was going to expedite, so they’re kind of standing around in the kitchen talking about it. Ed is asking people to wait. Someone says her wine is warmer than her meal. Ouch. Of course this is when the judges show up. Emeril is here, and Hugh and Tom and Padma. No guest judge today? However, between the four of them (well, three aside from Padma) they own or operate 39 restaurants. Wow. Ed says “Canteen” is about a community dining place, and all their menu items started out simple but are elevated. Chris tells us the servers don’t seem to understand where to take food or what is going on. Not sure if that’s due to dumb servers, or no one expediting, or Ed not doing things, or what. The judges notice that Ty-Lor is outside the kitchen, in his apron. They don’t quite know what he is doing, although we can see he’s trying to figure out who gets the entrees that are cooling in front of him. I think they were fired too early. The girls show up too, but I’m guessing no one will care what they think.

Ty-Lor: Thai style crab and shrimp salad, caramel fish sauce and peanuts. Paul: ham and pork pate with mushrooms, braised mustard seeds and duck fat crostini. Ty-Lor’s dish looks like a wedge salad, like a wedge of endive and sauce. Paul has served a jar for some reason. Is the pate in the jar? Why is his dish called “ham and eggs” when there are no eggs? The crab and shrimp are kind of flat, but cooked well, and I guess the duck fat and mustard sort of looks like an egg. The brioche is greasy. Now Paul is outside the window. Why can’t they expedite inside the kitchen instead of at the window where they block the waiters from picking up plates? Ty-Lor: poached salmon in warm tomato water, clams, salmon skin, and tomatillo jam. Paul: crispy skin pork belly with green apple and sweet potato puree. Yum. Hugh immediately notices none of the salmon has mushrooms. Not good. It’s OK anyway, as is Paul’s, although Tom thinks he could have done more. The girls talk about how intense this will be tomorrow. Ed: Almond Joy cake with malted chocolate mousse, and banana coconut puree. Chris: homemade Cracker Jack, cherries, and peanut butter ice cream. Ed’s Almond Joy has no coconut. How do you have Almond Joy with no coconut? This seems to be that thing where you promise something you don’t deliver. Chris’s dish is weird but Tom likes it, for reasons he doesn’t quite understand. Sarah and Lindsay say they have to stay calm tomorrow and support each other. Paul tells us that the salmon dish needs salt, and that he and Ty-Lor split the dish up but it was Ty-Lor that was supposed to season it. Overall for an opening night it was good, and the desserts were clever. Somehow the diners are voting too. The men know they could have been better.

Back home everyone hangs around and self-flagellates. Paul is especially hard on himself. Ed says the best they can hope for is the women completely screw up.

Time for the girls to cook. Lindsay tells us in high school she was an overachiever and will not quit. People talk about the things they are making, which sound pretty good. Lindsay tells us that Beverly only has one dish, as if she didn’t throw out several options and got shot down every time. Sarah asks someone to help her do part of one of her dishes, and Lindsay says that Beverly is just searing short ribs and has plenty of time to help her. Beverly is also going to execute Lindsay’s dish for her. I guess since Bev is helping, Sarah turns on Grayson and asks her if she really needs to cut blueberries in half. Grayson is like, yes, because I’m working on my dishes. They complain at each other, and Sarah claims they’re all simplifying their dishes, and Grayson says she should ask in a nicer way. Lindsay races into the kitchen to show Beverly how to execute her dish, and Bev says in confessional that it’s very rushed, and not how she would do the dish, but it’s not her dish.

Food is going out. Sarah asks for some containers of olives, from Beverly, who I guess doesn’t find them and then says “if you wanted them earlier, you should have done something”. There’s a weird silence, and then Bev starts apologizing while Sarah is going “Beverly” in that Mom voice. The one that says, “I can’t yell at you because we’re in public, but you are in deep shit later”. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Then Bev says they’re treating her like a child, which is true. Sarah condescends to her that this is not how they’re going to start service and she has to support the team. I don’t see you doing anything to support the team, SARAH. Naturally the judges appear when Lindsay is in the kitchen telling Bev and I guess everyone what to do. Lindsay just says it’s hard to seat everyone. The guys get the same treatment. Some guy says the halibut was overcooked, so Lindsay goes back and tells Beverly not to overcook her fish. There is a serious line at the door, and people seem to be waiting for food. Finally. Grayson: grilled peach salad with pickled shallots, bacon vinaigrette and candied pistachios. Sarah: arancini (a risotto ball stuffed with cheese and fried), sweet and sour eggplant, and celery salad. The arancini are hot, and the peach salad is also great. Back in the kitchen, there is a slight freakout because no one has plated dishes for the judges, even though they’ve been fired and someone should be cooking them. Hugh knows that if the judges are frustrated, the contestants must be too. Lindsay appears in the kitchen again, saying the judges are fucking pissed, and all the short ribs in the window are dead. Sarah snaps that she’ll go out and talk to everyone if Lindsay can’t face them. Sarah says she’s behind because she has three courses to fire (three? She’s only making two, I thought). And now Lindsay is micromanaging Beverly, down to what spoon she’s using. Sigh. Hugh’s blog points out that Beverly was responsible for both entrees, which is probably why it took so long. You know no one helped her. Beverly: braised short rib with Thai basil potato puree, apple slaw, and kimchi. Lindsay: grilled halibut with Spanish chorizo, fennel and sherry salad. The halibut is overcooked and the chorizo doesn’t have enough flavor. Of course they love Beverly’s dish, because as much as the girls hate Beverly, she’s proven she can cook, and cook well. Some table gets the wrong dishes. Grayson is flipping out because her dessert has ice cream and has to be served immediately, but Lindsay tells her they don’t know where they are right now. So I guess Lindsay just wants her to shut up about it. Then the next time Lindsay is in the kitchen she says to hurry up with dessert because she has to move tables. Grayson: schaum torte (like a pavlova) with vanilla meringue and champagne berries. Sarah: hazelnut cream Italian doughnuts with banana sugar glaze. Sarah’s doughnuts are heavy, and just OK on taste. Grayson’s food goes over well. Yeah, Sarah, I only count two things.

I guess now that the judges are served, Lindsay feels she doesn’t have to do anything, so she comes into the kitchen to stand around and complain to Grayson that no one is eating her halibut, and it’s all Beverly’s fault because it’s overcooked. 1. She’s standing right in front of you and can probably hear you, so maybe not be a bitch within earshot, 2. Way to “support everyone” like you and Sarah were ordering everyone to do, and 3. Even Grayson admits that it might not be all Beverly’s fault because she’s only doing what Lindsay tells her. Grayson then earns points because she tells Lindsay exactly that: Beverly didn’t do it on purpose and it was probably because of bad cooking instructions. The judges think the food is better here but the guys were better at service.

Commercial interlude: everyone sits around and talks about how they screwed up this challenge. Can we please have more interesting commercial interludes?

In the “Stew Room”, Beverly brings up how everyone was talking about her, and Sarah shakes her head as if she never does that. I hope you watch this show and feel horrible. Lindsay says that Beverly screwed up her dish, which is basically what she was saying behind her back, so I guess that’s something, that she was honest. Sarah gets back into Mom mode and says that Lindsay spent a lot of time with Beverly “helping conceptualize” her dish. So Beverly starts pointing out all the parts of the short ribs that were her own idea, and Sarah is shouting that’s not what she meant, except that it totally is. What else to you mean by “conceptualizing”? Sarah just keeps insisting that’s not what she’s saying, which is what people do when they know they’ve lost but can’t admit it because then they’d have to admit to lying. Trust me, I know people who have done it to me. Padma appears to collect the women. The men wish them luck, because they all know the judges will talk to everyone so it’s impossible to tell who is winning. They nail Lindsay for making everyone wait, and she says it’s because they had a “big build-up” in the kitchen. The women all think they did better than the boys, and luckily they did. They scream and hug each other, even Beverly, because of course now that they’ve won everyone loves her. Grayson’s peach salad was perfect, Sarah’s arancini was hot and the perfect temperature. Beverly’s short ribs and kimchi get high praise (so of course there is a shot of Sarah and Lindsay looking annoyed, along with the single kettle drum beat they always put in). The judges also say the fish was slightly overcooked. Lindsay nods sagely. Hugh says the winner is Beverly. Grayson hugs her, while the other two can’t even bring themselves to clap. Bev wins 3 liters of wine and a weekend trip to Napa. She’s so thrilled I can’t help feel glad for her. She interviews that she can’t believe she won against “such amazing chefs”. No gloating, you will notice. And no sarcasm! She’s a better person than me.

When the guys have gone, Sarah finishes her takeover of Heather’s top villain spot by telling everyone that they wouldn’t have won without Lindsay and she deserves just as much “if not more” praise. Lindsay is like, scraping a bottle with her fingernail or something. Grayson hides her head in her hands. Seriously, you didn’t win, but you’re not going home. Do you hate Beverly so much you can’t let her enjoy winning? She’s not gloating or rubbing it in your face like she could be. And Lindsay’s shitty service is what kept you from winning in a landslide. But no, can’t let anyone you don’t like get praise without saying “I think Lindsay should have won, she did more than everyone else.” Gah.

The judges weren’t wowed by the food. Neither were the diners. Ty-Lor’s crab and shrimp appetizer wasn’t spicy enough, at least for Tom, who expected more Thai flavor. The salmon dish had good components but there was no seasoning and the components didn’t go together. The brioche in the “ham and eggs” was greasy. Then Tom nails Chris for only doing one dish, while Paul did way more than him. Chris helped everyone, but Tom wanted him to claim a dish. Hugh thinks maybe he should have spent some prep time organizing the expediter. Ed says the coconut in the Almond Joy was some powdered stuff on the side of the plate, but Tom is like, that’s the best part! Not enough coconut!

The girls were nice and got beers for the boys, and left them on their chairs. Ed jokingly asks if they’re for sitting on. Heh. At least Bev and Grayson are giggling when they come in. Padma could make a case for any of them going home. If Ed had named his dish something else, they would have loved it because it was the best dish out of that team. Chris’s dish was weird, but Tom can’t explain why he likes it. Also Chris didn’t appear out of the kitchen expediting like the others. Tom points out that the other three didn’t expedite properly, so why should they get points? Ty-Lor didn’t season anything enough.

Ty-Lor is sent home for not seasoning any of his dishes. He seems to be in good spirits, and proud of himself. Let’s see if he can survive Last Chance Kitchen.

Next week: Charlize Theron, Eric Ripert, and a lot of blood and things of that nature.

Last Chance Kitchen: some time between elimination and Last Chance Kitchen Ty-Lor has shaved his beard but kept his mustache. Nyesha claims that she wanted to battle two people: Heather and Ty-Lor. Apparently these two were the worst to her. Today’s challenge is to make dessert. Ha! They have 30 minutes. Double HA! And then just for fun, they have to pick a sous chef out of the eliminated contestants. Nyesha picks Heather solely because she knows Ty-Lor and Heather have cooked together and she wants to break them up. Love her. Ty-Lor takes Malibu. There’s a lot of random things going on. Chocolate. Mascarpone. Nyesha has to remind Heather who is in charge. Malibu is fine. Actually I guess she’s listening to some of Heather’s suggestions. Malibu burns some caramel. Lots of claims to be the best. Nyesha: coconut and lime tart, with coconut crème fraiche mousse and caramel sauce. Ty-Lor: puff pastry with dark chocolate mascarpone cream, vanilla bean rum cherries and caramel sauce. That sounds fantastic. Tom is very impressed with both desserts, actually. However, the one that he would have again is Nyesha’s. Woo girl! She’s also pleased to have beaten the two chefs she had personal grudges against.

Project Runway All Stars 1/5/12--"Return to the Runway" summary

2012-01-05T23:01:00.001-06:00

Previously on Project Runway: oh, many things. Many, many things which upset many, many people. But most of these people you’re about to see again are from before the show moved and the judges started smoking so much crack. Can we survive without Tim? That is the important question. (click for more)

Oo, the prize is $500,000. Nice. Also, how is it possible that Austin Scarlett’s facial hair makes him somehow look LESS butch?

Mondo! Mondo should have won, but he has short shorts on and he looks fab. Michael Costello. Really? All Star? OK. Mila, Anthony (yay), Jerell (who has also grown a little goatee), all talk about how great they are. Elisa! Love her crazy time! Austin says someone had to put the “star” in “All Star”. Hee. Also, your hair is tall. Boo, Kenley. She says she’s totally fine with everyone hating her. Oh well, guess we do need a villain. Everyone is carrying around garment bags for some reason and “running into each other” “by accident”. Rami looks pretty good. And Sweet P! Gordana! Gordana is worried about Sweet P and Mondo being competition.

Everyone goes to a club and looks around and is greeted by Angela Lindvall, who will be playing the part of Heidi for the duration, only without an accent. April Johnson? …OK. There are a couple of people that I didn’t expect to see. Angela says there will not be any immunity for the whole competition. Winner gets their own boutique in various Neiman Marcus stores, and online, fashion spread in Marie Claire AND guest editor position for a year. Kara Janx says she would love to be guest editor. I love Kara. You also win a gang of industrial sewing equipment and fabric printers, $100,000 in HP software and so forth, and then on top of all that, $100,000 from L’Oreal. So the $500,000 is the total value of all the prizes. Angela promises a clean judging slate, and then introduces the new judges, Georgina Chapman and Isaac Mizrahi (obviously he is there to be Michael Kors).

Everyone was tasked to bring a recent creation with them, which explains the garment bags. They have 30 minutes to dress their models and then they’ll have a runway show. Hope you can all alter the clothes in half an hour! Everyone talks about who they are threatened by. It’s nice to see people respect their competitors.

Jerell: it’s a maxi dress, with a deep V and a ton of Jerell wickety wack trim. Mila: leggings and a loose dress, half beige and half vertical stripes. Kenley: royal blue ball gown with a sweetheart neckline and a mullet hem, only underneath the mullet hem is white tulle. And a giant white flower on one shoulder. Let me just tell you, I paused the screen on this dress and I don’t even have to unpause it to know whose dress it is. Austin: turquoise gown with a deep V and a ton of origami folds on one hip. Also this pearl of wisdom: “We’re born naked, but as humans, it’s our nature to EMBELLISH oneself, to beautify ourselves, and I just take it to the highest level possible.” Elisa: short white dress with a design painted on, and wings. No really. The model spreads her arms and there are wings. It’s pretty though. Rami: a Rami folded textural short dress. Not draped though, so that’s something. Gordana: dress with a mullet hem (sigh) but the top is cool. It’s got sculptural shoulders in shiny red, and a piece on her chest that looks knitted maybe? I know Gordana knits. April: little black dress with long sleeves. Anthony: bright green short dress with lots of folds and one shoulder and a bejeweled giant safety pin? I think that’s what that is. Michael: makes a comment about how hot his model is. It’s a long maxi dress that is vaguely shiny. Mondo: short full skirt, and a long sleeved blouse with a high collar, in a black and white print. And a fascinator.

Some people have not changed at all. The judges talk in very general terms about how great everyone is, and then Angela sends them to their “penthouse suite” to chill. First challenge tomorrow. Elisa jumps on the beds. Then she kisses the nice white duvet to mark what bed she wants. Heh. Michael finds a remote control with a note to hit play, and he immediately starts scanning the room to decide what he’s going to use to make a dress. Ha! Totally. Giancarlo Giammetti (who is Valentino’s partner and of course Austin recognizes him on sight) comes onscreen and invites them to a museum? And then Valentino himself shows up and tells them don’t forget to be awesome! Seriously, people are moved to tears. Champagne drinking and then I assume bed.

Field trip time brings everyone to a dollar store for the unconventional materials challenge. Woo! I love the unconventional materials challenge. The “All Stars Twist” is that they must be inspired by the look they showed yesterday. Whatever. I mean…probably they won’t care. Plus they get $100. 20 minutes to shop means a lot of running. April says she needs a “clusterfuck” of mops. Remember that for later. A group of mops is a clusterfuck. Sweet P is just taking anything bright. Mondo is trying to stay away from cloth. Michael has also bought a clusterfuck of mops. Sorry, but that is hysterical. April is not worried, but Michael thinks she might show him up because she’s so good.

The NotParsons workroom is nice. Neiman Marcus accessory wall, HP tablets, etc. You know the drill. Later Joanna Coles will be here because she is Tim. I know, right? I did read though that she was very aware that she is not Tim and so didn’t try to be Tim. They have until 10pm tonight to finish.

Elisa puts her cutting mat on the floor and sits under her worktable to sketch. Mila sort of makes fun of her, but Anthony says he totally will give her a pass because he had a grandmother who was “committed to the crazy house” so Elisa is just fine. Michael is sort of making draping but it involves sewing each mop strand one by one. Jerell tells him that April’s dress looks just like his.

Joanna strolls in, and I’m struck by her resemblance to Tabitha who is awesome. I hope she is fun. Sweet P has towels. Joanna asks her if there is anything that will wow the judges, but she doesn’t really have anything but towels. Gordana is doing well, at least Joanna thinks so. Mondo says it looks like a piñata, which was kind of bitchy, but then he says “I hope her model is full of candy” which is funny. Mondo, naturally, has no idea and says he’s not in competitive mode yet. Joanna makes Elisa promise not to spit at her. Hee.

Austin freaks out a ton and says his glue gun has melted a hole right in the front of his plastic dress. He has vapors, but it seriously is jacked up. Michael gloats that this might be the end of Austin. Shut up, Michael.

Day of the show. Lots of running around. Austin patches his dress and seems to be satisfied with the result. Hair and makeup. Hot makeup guy! Yay!

Angela comes out wearing a short shiny dress, so I guess she has been taking notes on Heidi. Guest judge is the senior VP of Neiman Marcus, Ken Downing. Austin: short dress in clear and turquoise plastic, with a weird peplum/ruffle right at her waist. And exposed midriff. Kara: black skirt with a mullet hemline and a strapless bustier in pink. Somehow this involves pans? I don’t know. Maybe the shiny belt. Jerell: it looks like a Jerell dress, all scarves and short skirt with a long dangly piece and complicated straps and a keyhole and whatnot. So it looks like his first one, anyway. Elisa: bright pink hot pants and a bustier, and huge bell sleeves with words on them. She’s so cute. Rami: short skirt and top with huge giant rolls of shopping bags or whatever they are. It’s very stiff, and she looks like she has football pads on, because she has huge giant shoulders. It’s weird. Sweet P: long skirt in horizontal stripes and a simple halter top with belts. Mondo: little black dress with ruffles on the skirt and a sleek top, and bow on her belt. Made of trash bags, but it looks pretty good. Kenley: short wrap dress with one side blue and one side white. It’s stiff, and there’s a loofah on her head. Gordana: very full short dress made of streamers, cut in little tabs, and a high flat neckline. It looks cute and she does not look like a piñata. Anthony: short, magenta dress with a halter neck and a slit keyhole in the front. It’s made of crepe paper with gold safety pins making embellishment. It looks good. Mila: shiny striped tunic and leggings. It has a weird hemline. Michael: long dress that actually looks like real fabric instead of mops, but the front of the dress comes up in the front like an inverse V neck. It’s heavy. April: long dress with the skirt all loose from about mid-thigh down to the floor so it’s all fringe. It’s sculpted well on top.

Austin, Mila, April, Anthony, Kara, Kenley, and Michael are all safe. Rami was going for tweed and lots of volume. Isaac loves the execution, and Ken thinks it looks like real fabric. Sweet P has a ragged dress, Isaac thinks, and then she turns around and there is a weird cutout. Under the belt, there is about a handspan’s worth of bare skin. Weird. Jerell’s dress moved well, and upon closer inspection the neckline is very interesting, although the rest of the top says “look at my boobs!” Elisa talks about sacred geometry and how there’s a story on her sleeves and stuff. They seem to enjoy that her clothes have stories and are interesting. Mondo’s dress is fun and not serious, and executed wonderfully. Isaac praises his proportions. Gordana has straps out of steel wool? Georgina worries she had too many things going on.

Rami pulled off his look, and it looked expensive. Isaac worries that it’s too similar to yesterday. Mondo mad a black dress, but it was very interesting and the hat was fantastic. Jerell didn’t push boundaries, maybe, but the dress he did make was made well. Sweet P’s dress was eccentric, but not enough to look intentional. Gordana was smart to use streamers because they moved, but then she had too much time and started putting other things on it and that was not a good idea. Elisa might not be up to par. She takes too long to explain her looks, people should get it right away.

Jerell is safe. Rami wins. Eh. He says he proved he can construct as well as drape. Mondo is in. Gordana is in. Sweet P is in. Aww, Elisa. She’s totally satisfied with what she made.

This season: dodge ball, crying, a mostly naked hot boy, famous people and Muppets, Isaac and Austin bitch at each other. Oh, THAT fight is going to be epic.

Top Chef 1/4/12--"BBQ Pit Wars" summary

2012-01-04T23:20:00.001-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: actually, TWO episodes have happened since I last recapped. First there was that team challenge where Heather was a bully and then Nyesha and Dakota were sent home. Then, just before Christmas, the chefs went to Austin and had to make a Quickfire dish based on Twitter suggestions. These consisted of 1. Use bacon, 2. Make a hash, and 3. Screw a fellow contestant with a random ingredient. So that was fun. Paul wins some money but not immunity, but the highlight is Grayson saying she’s serving a “shrimp puff”, which is called a puff because she wanted the judges to think it was light and airy. That was a fail. The Elimination challenge involved pretending the contestants were going to relax and listen to Patti LaBelle, and then telling them they would be making a dish inspired by the person who taught them to cook. Everyone tells lovely stories about their parents or grandparents. Heather buys rib eye to make beef stroganoff, which is weird because you do not simmer rib eye in sauce, and it does not turn out well at all. Emeril says it’s like those hotel banquets Tom drags him too. Hee. Grayson also buys rib eye that ends up gross, which makes me wonder if the rib eye at Whole Foods was just bad. But Grayson also made EXACTLY the same dish she used to make, instead of the “inspired by” dish she was asked to make. Beverly uses the pressure cooker, for the second time in the episode, to make short ribs that are delicious and look so good. Ed makes bibimbap, which is basically rice and veggies and an egg, but that would totally be good. Sadly for the two of them, it is Sarah and her stuffed cabbage that carries the win. And even though there is fierce competition from Grayson and Chris C. (who I am going to start calling Malibu and also when you cook salmon too fast that white stuff oozes out and it is called albumen), Heather is sent home. But not until she complains at Judges’ Table that she didn’t use the pressure cooker because the last challenge she did and the duck turned out stringy and they yelled at her, and Tom is all “Well, Beverly used the pressure cooker and she’s not here.” BURN! It was so satisfying though. (click for more)

And on Last Chance Kitchen, Nyesha is the victor, having beaten all comers, and especially Heather. Yay Nyesha!

The remaining chefs sit around and discuss if it’s maybe time to stop helping each other. Ed reveals that the tres leches cake that has won twice now (both times when Heather made it) is his recipe. For some reason this pisses Sarah off and she says he should have had the balls to say something to Heather, or make the cake himself. Huh? I mean…I get what she’s saying, I’m just not sure why she’s so angry about it. Suddenly there is a knock on the door and some guy enters with a copy of Modernist Cuisine. That’s the crazy like, 6 volume “cookbook” with the detailed recipes and it’s like an encyclopedia. I kind of want to get my hands on a copy just to look at it. Padma leaves them a note to “study up”. Wow. There are some molecular techniques but a lot of classic stuff too. Beverly stays up studying.

Padma greets them for the Quickfire with Nathan Myhrvold, who is the author of Modernist Cuisine. MotoChris says if he was 1/10th as smart as Nathan is, he’d rule small continents. Heh. Padma and Nathan tell them they must “illustrate Modernist cuisine”, whatever the hell that means. Winner gets immunity and a copy of the book(s). Nice.

45 minutes to cook. It occurs to me this is a very vague directive. MotoChris is using “miracle berries” which are things that make everything taste sweet. Ty-Lor is making watermelon and olive oil powder or something. Paul says he uses molecular gastronomy, even though he can barely pronounce it. Grayson is making tarragon dill caviar. You know, I’m pretty sure they said molecular gastronomy wasn’t everything, but that seems to be what everyone is falling back to. Although, with a vague instruction like “illustrate Modernist cuisine” I’d probably do the same thing. Random clip of Chris C. (henceforth, Malibu) and his audition video and all the nude paintings in his apartment.

Beverly: flash steamed clams and mussels, curry whipped cream and mango chili. She goes to dispense the whipped cream but sprays it on Nathan and Padma. Sigh. And then she drops some stuff? Ed says he respects her but she is an oddball. I’ll give him that, she admits to being social awkward. Turns out she forgot to take something off the dispenser. Sarah: breakfast raviolo with pancetta, and egg yolk, and sauce made from orange juice. Tasty. Ed: salmon belly sashimi, compressed watermelon, brunoise radishes held together with coconut coulis instead of rice. Grayson: trout sashimi, dill caviar, pickled watermelon, cucumber, and radish. Ty-Lor: watermelon, vanilla bean honey, black pepper, and salted olive oil powder. Lindsay: marinated baby octopus, tempura sea beans, and togarashi. Togarashi is chili pepper. Malibu: risotto foam, scallops, raisins, and fried capers. Paul: endive salad, egg yolk, parmesan and truffle powder. MotoChris: so first he makes them eat the “miracle berries”, which is less impressive than he hopes because Nathan grows them in his basement. Which leads MotoChris to say he wants to visit Nathan’s basement, which doesn’t sound right. Anyway, the dish is deconstructed cheesecake, with blackberries, and sparkling water with lime and lemon.

Nathan says that Paul had a good dish but not good flavor, Beverly’s dish wasn’t different enough, and Grayson had a simple preparation but the ingredients weren’t great enough to make up for it. Ty-Lor had a good set of spices and the olive oil powder was interesting. Sarah had a great dish in the right context. MotoChris composed his dish well. Ty-Lor wins! Poor MotoChris.

Elimination challenge: BBQ. They must make three teams of 3. Lindsay takes up Heather’s refrain and says that whenever there’s a team challenge, Beverly causes her team to lose, so Lindsay wants no part of that. Sarah ends up with Ed, but also Ty-Lor. She doesn’t really want to work with Ed, but she thinks Ty-Lor will do well. But if your team loses, Ty-Lor has immunity. Sigh. Malibu doesn’t move fast enough, so his team is the two Chris’s and Beverly. They will serve 300 people at The Salt Lick. They will have all night to cook again. Chicken, beef brisket, and pork spareribs, plus two sides.

$1000 at Whole Foods and $1000 at Restaurant Depot. Ty-Lor is glad to work with Ed again since they won the game meat challenge. MotoChris likes his team, and says they’re making coleslaw and baked beans for sides. Paul says Ty-Lor’s team is also doing those sides, so his team is going with miso, curry, and Asian flavors. Ed for some reason complains about how Sarah’s Texas accent is getting thicker, but I can’t hear it at all. She says “yonder”. Whatever.
Bravo. Andy Cohen every night. Are you fucking serious?

Here I am thinking I’m doing well, not too far behind, and then I remember: super-sized episode. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggh. Everyone gets to The Salt Lick and they talk to the owner, who explains about the wood and the grill and everything. I cannot get over the fact that Beverly has a huge color tattoo covering half her left arm. It just doesn’t seem to go with her personality. Paul is getting nervous about making barbeque this good.

Everyone gets to the pits, along with a pickup truck full of wood. It is 10:18pm. Ty-Lor tapes a “courtesy” sign to his team’s RV that says “If this RV’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’”. As one does. Paul’s goal is to get his meat in the smoker first. Ty-Lor is loving immunity, but he wants to redeem himself from the steak debacle. Sarah is inside the RV telling Ed how to cook onions for some reason, which he curses about. The directions, not the onions. Malibu strips down to his wife beater. Nice. Beverly says she’s reducing the bourbon inside their RV, and Malibu is like, “be careful”, all calm. Cut to inside, where the pot is on fire and licking at the bottom of the cabinets. Beverly, possibly because she has nerves of steel, actually stirs other pots until the smoke alarm goes off, at which point she takes it outside and puts it on the ground. And leaves it there. Malibu thinks she’s book smart but not street smart. Lindsay asks Paul a bunch of questions, as he’s been designated the leader. Ty-Lor kind of rolls his eyes about Paul’s Asian flavors.

At 3am, MotoChris says whoever has the foil-covered brisket, your meat is on the ground. Damn. It’s Paul’s team. The meat is still good, because it was wrapped in foil, but it hasn’t been circulating in the smoker like they thought. Grayson thinks they might be in trouble because of losing cook time. MotoChris makes beer can chicken. The sun comes up, and the beds have not been slept in. 3 hours until service. MotoChris has made up a song. It’s very hot.

Tom time! I am distracted by Malibu in his mostly-naked state. Everyone is well on the way to being done, of course. Sarah asks for water in an ominous way. Tom laughs at everyone when they admit to not sleeping. Grayson babbles to Tom that he will love their BBQ, because it will be “like sex in the mouth”. Tom just leaves. That was pretty funny though. Tom then announces that the winning team will take home $5,000 EACH. Damn.

Grayson is now doing pelvic thrusts. Malibu thinks the spareribs are salty. Lindsay is making Brussels sprouts, but their fire is low and they don’t have time to build it up, so they might be raw. Sarah comes inside, I guess to where they’re serving, and asks Ty-Lor if they’ve got it, and he says they do. She goes and sits down, and then suddenly the medics are there. She’s been outside, where it’s probably 100 degrees, breathing in smoke for hours, on no sleep. They give her oxygen so she doesn’t pass out. And then the medics call an ambulance for her. Scary! Ty-Lor says this is no joke, and goes over to tell her he and Ed have it under control and she is crying, and probably hyperventilating which doesn’t help. And I would like to point out that the other person who’s been seriously injured this season is Ty-Lor, and he is currently telling Sarah to go to the hospital right now and miss service.

With 30 minutes to go until service, Tom tells Ed and Ty-Lor that Sarah is headed to the hospital. Ed says the first thing they were thinking is “Is she dead?” but he says it in kind of an asshat way. Plus you know Ty-Lor has been talking to her so he knows more of what is going on. Then Ed says he would have pushed through it, which, whatever. Ed says they can‘t cut meat to order because they‘re down a person. He’s inside the room throwing things around, because he says the pre-cut meat will dry out or be gross or something. They had been planning to carve as people showed up, but only having two people means they can’t.

Everyone shows up at the same time, of course. MotoChris’s T-shirt says “I eat vegans”. Hee. Oo, live music. Top Chef, come to St. Louis so I can figure out how to get on the show. Kmanpat can talk about flavor profiles and he says “back palate” a lot when tasting wine so that’s good sound bites. Also if you want I can get some boring Midwesterners to show up and talk about how weird everything is. Yay, Gail’s here!

Blue team (Paul, Grayson, Lindsay): Asian spare rib, chicken and brisket, Brussels sprouts with okra and kim chee flavor, and watermelon salad maybe. Their food goes over really well, although Tom says the brisket is under seasoned and the Brussels sprouts aren’t cooked.
White team (MotoChris, Malibu, Beverly): beer can chicken, brisket, Dr. Pepper glazed pork ribs. What about the coleslaw and beans? I guess they’re boring. The chicken is good but not smoky so not really barbeque. The beans are not cooked. Oo. And the ribs are salty. Brisket is chewy, but the mayonnaise is OK. I think they are the ones with the agua fresca, which Gail wishes had alcohol. Nathan says “Bite your tongue, CANADIAN!” Hee.

Sarah sneaks back in! She’s OK! She immediately asks to help, and Ed completely ignores her while Ty-Lor asks if she’s OK. Then Ed bitches in confessional that she was only worried about her chicken. Well, with the way you reacted to her leaving, I could totally see you ignoring her chicken just out of spite. She tries to offer to help, but Ed has changed his tune from “Sarah screwed us because now we’re down a person”, to “Sarah is fucking up our system and she should go away”. I mean…I won’t pretend I’ve never been mad at someone for ditching out on work, and then still been mad when they actually showed up and tried to help. But I at least get some points for knowing how stupid that sounds. Right? Right. Ed is bossy and an ass, and Ty-Lor is very nice about it. Red team: Texas chicken, KC style pork ribs, smoked brisket, poppy seed coleslaw, pinto beans. Once the judges get served, Sarah cuts some things and then goes to sit down. She even acknowledges this and says she feels no guilt at all. Ed thinks it’s mighty coincidental she magically reappeared to serve the judges. I think she tried to help, was rebuffed, stuck around for the important part and then bailed. Ed might have a point but he’s coming off as an asshat. The meat is good, except for Ty-Lor’s ribs are a weird texture. Sauce is good though. They also seem to know they sliced all the meat early.

When the service is over, Ty-Lor and Ed stand around outside and smoke while Ty-Lor says he’s ill because he didn’t serve great barbeque. Quit smoking if you feel ill! Gah. Ed complains that since Ty-Lor is immune and Sarah showed up “just in time” to pick out good chicken, he might go home. Whatever.

Commercial interlude: Grayson loves camping and she sings a campfire song which, too many years of Girl Scout camp have made me HATE campfire songs. Including this one which I am sure I have sung far too many times. This is why I hate some of the songs we sing at church.

OK, this is a weird thing and I don’t know what to make of it. Everyone is sitting at a table, and Sarah is saying that she doesn’t think they were communicating, and something about her chicken, and Ty-Lor asks if she didn’t think they supported her? Is she really complaining about her chicken? I mean, yeah, hospital, but they covered for you, and now is probably not the best time to tell them you don’t think they did a good enough job. Ed tells her not to get emotional, even though she is completely unemotional. That was so weird. Why were they even talking about that? Padma calls Paul, Lindsay, and Grayson, to declare them the winners. Tom wants the chicken recipe. They weren’t traditional, which put them above everyone else. Paul admits he has won a total of $35,000 so far.

Tom says that Sarah’s chicken was good, but more like grilled chicken and not enough smoke flavor. Sarah wishes she’d put them in the smoker, and Nathan says some of the skin wasn’t cooked, which is a problem when you put the sauce on it because then it’ll never cook. Ty-Lor over seasoned his ribs and then they weren’t cooked enough. Ty-Lor and Ed put orange mint (?) in the coleslaw which Gail didn’t like. Orange mint? They get nailed for pre-slicing the brisket, but Ed explains they were down one person. Tom thinks they should have still sliced to order, but I’m sure if they were slow, someone would have complained about that. On to the other team. Beverly’s coleslaw was too traditional and Gail is bored. MotoChris had the same problem as Sarah because it wasn’t smoky. Malibu gets harassed about the ribs and the Dr. Pepper sauce. “Because it’s from Texas” is not a good enough reason for Tom. Ribs were too salty. Beverly had undercooked beans.

MotoChris cooked all the proteins for his team, but then Malibu made all the rubs, and they don’t really know which one was responsible for the meat being bad. Beverly’s beans were undercooked. Ty-Lor can’t be sent home. Ed helped with the bad coleslaw, and was responsible for the bad brisket. Sarah’s chicken was sort of better than the other team’s chicken, which doesn’t say much.

They make Ty-Lor come back out, which doesn’t make a ton of sense, but whatever. Malibu gets sent home. Aww. Bye eye candy. He wishes he had taken charge and lead the group. He’s more comfortable in his style now.

Next week: Restaurant Wars! Girls vs. Boys! Who in the fuck put Ed in front-of-house? Lots of bitching.

Last Chance Kitchen: Malibu is really confused about why Nyesha is around. They must use ingredients found at a gas station, for $20. Kick ass. I love unconventional materials challenges, no matter what show it’s on. The audience harasses everyone. Nyesha has purchased pork rinds to make chicharron. Malibu stacks pans on each other to make a Panini press. Nice. Also Nyesha warns Malibu his soup is boiling over, which is a friendly gesture. Nyesha: beer glazed smoked sausage with a pork rind tuile and chili cheese sauce. Malibu: togarashi spiced tomato soup with spicy pork rinds, and grilled cheese with fried ham and pickle. Everyone in the peanut gallery seems divided, but Tom selects Nyesha as the winner.

Top Chef 12/14/11--"Game On" summary

2011-12-14T23:05:00.002-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: Mother sauces and steak awaited. Grayson wins the Quickfire, which is nice for her, and the last we’ll see or hear from her for the rest of the evening. Everyone has to make one giant team to cook a four course steak dinner for 200. Somehow this fails. Heather puts herself on dessert so she can make cake again, which she keeps calling “my cake” in the same breath she’s yelling about how it’s a team challenge. She also puts herself on dessert so she can have the day of the dinner free to boss everyone around. Oh, sorry, “expedite”. Heather decides Beverly is too slow and spends most of the episode bitching about it, even though if Beverly had been done sooner it wouldn’t have prevented Lindsay from firing all the steaks way too early and having them be overdone. Heather tries to throw Beverly under the bus even before she finds out whether or not that needs doing. Because Heather won. Boo. Whitney gets the most screen time she’s ever gotten, but sadly that’s because her potato gratin is terrible. She’s sent home. (click for more)

In Last Chance Kitchen, Whitney and Chuy make burgers with different proteins, (ostrich and elk) while everyone who’s come through before them gets to watch and taste. Whitney’s burger ends up tasting better than Chuy’s so she gets to stay.

Nyesha can’t believe how harsh Heather was to Beverly. I hope she apologized. I mean, we didn’t see it, but if I was a producer writing the “story” of “Heather is bossy” then I wouldn’t show it either. But I hope it happened. I do also notice that Nyesha is being listed as the executive chef at the Wilshire, which is the thing I saw her win on that Food Network show. So…interesting timeline, if so. Ty-Lor thinks he’s been in the bottom too much this competition.

Padma is in the kitchen with Tim Love. Aww, he’s such a clean-cut cowboy type person. Behind him is a table full of tequila. The Quickfire for today is to make something to pair with one of the tequilas. Oo, I do not like tequila. It gives me terrible heartburn. Winner does NOT receive immunity, but you do get $5000.

30 minutes to cook. And also to taste tequila and try not to get drunk. Sarah says she always has a shot of tequila at the airport before she flies. Ty-Lor says his style of cooking is “warm Southeast Asian flavors” which seems fairly vague. Chris C. is making a raw oyster, so then what are you doing with your 30 minutes? There is a hilarious shot of Beverly running full tilt across the kitchen, yelling “Coming through!”. She’s moving so fast I’m surprised I understood what she said. Or saw her go by. Dakota has a lamb chop and she thinks it’s pairing well. Lindsay is using the tequila instead of sherry. Ty-Lor thinks MotoChris is overcooking his chicken. MotoChris seems to agree.

Ty-Lor: steamed clams in Thai style fish caramel sauce. Heather: mango avocado salad with rock shrimp. Beverly: cold-smoked green tea oyster. Heather didn’t seem to get good feedback, and Beverly did, so there’s a shot of Heather looking pissed. Sarah: fennel risotto with glazed scallops. Lindsay: salmon with fennel puree and brown butter sauce. Ed: bok choy lettuce wrap with lamb. MotoChris: pan seared chicken with lime vinaigrette. Grayson: sesame cod with tequila brown sugar glaze. She says she is a beer girl from Wisconsin and never drinks tequila. Chris C.: raw oyster with tequila tapioca pearl and sea salt air. Air. Shut up, Chris. Tim likes it, sadly. Dakota: lamb with Medjool date pistou. Pistou is a garlic basil sauce.

Heather’s dish is compared to a special at a chain restaurant. Hee. MotoChris did over cook his chicken. Sarah somehow curdled her risotto and Tim thought it was undercooked. Chris C. made a great pairing, Lindsay cooked her salmon well and carried the tequila through, and Ty-Lor had bright, spicy flavors. The winner is Ty-Lor. He feels like he’s redeemed himself.

Padma says this Elimination challenge involves teams. Of course it does. Then she says the person next to you is your partner. Heather is paired with Beverly. Of course she is. Thanks for nothing, Bravo producers. Now I have to listen to her bitch about it for an hour. You know they told them how to stand so that would happen. Tim is hosting a “game dinner” for his friends but now they have to cook it instead of Tim. Tim’s friends are obviously famous chefs. Each team gets assigned a chef who will give them a protein they must cook. So that’s “game” as in “wild game” and not as in “sports game”. Which is what I thought at first. That would also be a cool challenge though. Nyesha and Dakota, venison; Paul and Sarah, squab; Grayson and MotoChris, elk; Chris C. and Lindsay, boar; Heather and Beverly, duck; and Ed and Ty-Lor, quail. Ed says he does game dinners twice a year. Also everyone is going to judge everyone else’s dishes. Nice. Sarah hopes that people are professional about that, but she also knows they probably won’t be. They (the contestants as a group, I guess) will pick three teams that are in the bottom. The judges will pick the TEAM that goes home. Ah, double elimination. The team that wins will split $10,000.

30 minutes and $200 to shop. Beverly says Heather is bossy but she’s going to be a team player so they can work together today. MotoChris has some grandiose idea about carving potatoes or something. Grayson is kind of freaked out, but she extracts a promise from him that it won‘t suck.

3 hours to cook today. Ed makes a road kill joke. MotoChris has never cooked elk, so he’s got a small piece cooking to test it out. Sarah is making sausage. Paul seems to trust her. Beverly says something about a spice rub, and Heather says she doesn’t want the dish to be too Asian because that’s not her style. So? If it’s good, it’s good. Then Heather says she’s going to focus on making her food great. I wonder if she hears herself complaining about how Beverly isn’t a team player, and then saying “me” and “I” and “my food” all the time. Sadly, Heather keeps talking about how she doesn’t want the dish to be too Asian, and they have to think about the name, and no one else seems to be talking at all right now so I’m pretty sure everyone is listening to her. They all seem to be making faces. Ed says Heather is “a complete bitch”. All of a sudden there are 5 minutes left to go. Heather says they probably don’t need to pack something. I don’t know what, but when they show things like that, chances are it was something important. Sarah is nervous about her sausage.

Back at “home” (I’m not sure if it’s still a hotel or what) everyone seems to still be talking about the dishes. Or at least Heather is telling Beverly what to do. Beverly tells us that she used to be in an abusive relationship, until she ran away one day while he was at work. That makes me feel bad for her having to deal with Heather. Seriously, this must be terribly hard on her. I want to give Beverly a hug.

Day of Elimination. Everyone freaks out about the pressure and the double elimination. The kitchen is very hot and very cramped. MotoChris seems to have screwed up whatever grandiose plans he had. I think he was carving things? But the sweet potatoes won’t carve right? Something. Grayson is pissed but she can’t really say so. Heather is bossy, some more, and complains that Beverly asks too many questions. I wonder if she’s asking questions because otherwise Heather will be even worse than she currently is if she doesn’t like it. Oohhh…knowing Beverly was in an abusive relationship makes it make more sense. Now I really feel bad for her. I like Beverly, but I almost would be willing to lose her to get rid of Heather too. Beverly doesn’t like the onions, but Heather basically tells her that’s her own “style” so they’ll have to “compromise”, which I’m sure means the onions stay in. The boar is rare, but Lindsay says they made enough that they have enough servings that are good.

Lindsay and Chris C.: roasted wild boar with kohlrabi slaw and farro fried rice. Tom says it’s nice but not terribly exciting. The contestants like it, probably, although the slaw is watery. Beverly and Heather: five spice duck breast with creamy polenta and pickled cherries. And a salad. It’s safe, although Hugh thought the breast was rubbery. However one of the contestants thinks the duck is perfect. Nyesha and Dakota are kind of freaking out. Grayson is irritated about the sweet potato. Grayson and MotoChris: juniper roasted elk with sweet potato and bouquet of citrus greens. MotoChris admits he failed at the sweet potato carving, but Grayson interrupts him and says “It is how we wanted it to be.” Weird. The meat is good, but the presentation sucks. Grayson hisses at MotoChris that they’re probably going home so don’t say anything to the other contestants. Sarah is still worried about her sausage. Dakota completely freaks out about the venison being undercooked.

Ed and Ty-Lor: sorghum quail with pickled cherries and eggplant. The quail is excellent. Sarah can’t get the sausage to poach, so she’s on Plan B which involves forcemeat, and Paul is nervous. Dakota is plating raw venison, and Nyesha is not happy about it. Nyesha and Dakota: roasted rack of venison with kabocha squash and beet gratin. They like the dish, although the venison is rare. Sarah and Paul: squab breast and sausage with nectarine pickles. The presentation is a little sloppy but they seem to like the taste. Sarah gets back to the kitchen and breaks down because she’s so horrified she might send Paul home and she’s ashamed of her work.

Padma asks to see Ed and Ty-Lor. Everyone applauds because everyone assumes they’ve won, which of course they have. Well that was fun. Then Padma gives them all 15 minutes to decide as a group who is in the bottom. Oh, that will be fun. It’ll be like the one game in “The Mole” where you all have to agree on who gets an exemption. It always ends in yelling and no consensus. And the Mole doesn’t ever have to do anything!

Commercial interlude: everyone sits around. Grayson says they should just all vote, and Heather is all “You won’t vote for yourself” and Grayson says “Neither will you”. I mean…duh. Ty-Lor says Heather is his friend so he wants her to stay. Isn’t the commercial interlude supposed to be fun and random?

Paul says he’ll start and he says Heather and Beverly was not his favorite, and Nyesha and Dakota (obvs), and MotoChris and Grayson. Nyesha and Dakota know full well the meat was too rare so they are not shocked. Heather says pretty much the same thing, but refuses to pick a third group, and Grayson says they all are doing that and it’s tough, or something. And Heather is like “Oh, I understand the process, you don’t have to tell me about it, Grayson”. Then follow the fucking process. They vote with a show of hands, and Beverly and Heather, Grayson and MotoChris, and Dakota and Nyesha are headed out. Ed says something weird about how people are plotting, but tomorrow you might be on the same team as someone else? So the claws aren’t out yet? I’m not sure if he was saying he voted based on who he wanted to get rid of or what.

Heather says she and Beverly don’t deserve to be here (hey, she did say “we” so I have to give her credit) because she would serve that dish again in her restaurant. She thinks that everyone is trying to get rid of her because she won the last challenge. Then for some inexplicable reason Tom stops talking to her and nails Dakota for the undercooked elk. Tom! Tell Heather she’s not all that! Anyway, Dakota says they ran out of time, and Nyesha tells them she didn’t check on the elk in time so she wasn’t able to help. Dakota is upset at screwing up something so easy. The flavors were great, but the meat was raw. MotoChris and his weird potatoes get him in trouble. No one got it, and they think he did it just to show off the carving. Tom asks Beverly why she’s there, and as she’s explaining about “too much protein” or something, Heather INTERRUPTS her and says they were trying to balance two chefs on one plate. Guess what, Heather? If you throw Beverly under the bus, you get dragged down under the bus too. They wanted the duck to render longer and get more crispy. Beverly agrees. Tom didn’t think the ingredients went together. Heather says they haven’t seen eye-to-eye, but she has the most obnoxious, condescending smirk on her face and I want to smack it off her. Beverly tries to say something but Heather talks over her again and says their work ethics are totally different and she brings up the shrimp again, and IF SHE GOES HOME SO DO YOU SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Has she not figured this out yet? Grayson looks totally embarrassed. Beverly sadly argues back and Heather has some comeback which makes no sense. Dakota says she is uncomfortable because she thinks Beverly is a very hard worker and sometimes people don’t agree. Tom asks if Heather didn’t trust Beverly, but Heather says Beverly doesn’t trust herself and she should have more self confidence. That last is delivered directly to Beverly. Now I really want her to go home. And I want Beverly to destroy her in Last Chance Kitchen. Beverly says she asked questions because that’s part of teamwork, and she stands behind her dish.

When they get back to the kitchen, someone asks how it went, and Heather says things “came up” and she fake apologizes to Beverly but “that’s the truth” and she also says she had no say in their dish. Bitch please. I saw you telling her how the dish was going to be. Several times. Thankfully everyone else seems to be defending Beverly. Grayson points out that Heather just signed her own elimination, which she did, only Grayson says she sold her out, and Heather of course didn’t sell anyone out, and everyone who’s ever worked with Beverly has felt the same way and hates her or whatever but no one will say anything. Grayson is so confused, for the same reason I am, which is that complaining about Beverly will also send Heather home. Heather wants to go home for her own food, which, fine, that makes sense, but you’ve gone above and beyond that.

Tom says that he doesn’t care about people’s emotions. They don’t like that MotoChris started with “I’m going to carve sweet potato” and not with the flavor. Dakota couldn’t cook the venison, and Tom can’t believe Nyesha didn’t check on it. The duck was messy, and underwhelming, and Hugh can’t believe Heather would hold the last challenge against Beverly, because every day is new. I kind of wish Tom had said that while Heather was complaining: that each challenge is new and she should have complained last week. So thankfully they aren’t going to care about the last challenge. But they make it seem like the dish itself isn’t as bad as the other two. Also I have to say I’m not as annoyed at Hugh as I was when I heard he was a judge. Maybe it’s because he agrees with me about Heather. Maybe it’s because his blog seems to combine the best overtones of Tony Bourdain’s blog with someone who‘s been in the competition. I’m not sure.

Tom reminds everyone of how they are subpar, and then they send Dakota and Nyesha home. Aww. Nyesha is upset she didn’t take control, and Dakota knows it’s her fault. She feels terrible for taking Nyesha down too. Aww, they’re both so upset.

Next time: going to Austin, Patti LaBelle, Emeril shows up. They pretend Heather is in trouble but I’m sure that’s a lie.

Last Chance Kitchen: the challenge today is to make a dish with cactus, using a wok. Hee, cactus. Sorry, inside joke. Someone I don’t like compared me to a cactus, trying to insult me, only I thought it was pretty accurate and I ran with it. Anyway, they can only use a wok. Nyesha is looking for redemption. It seems kind of frantic, but I think that’s because everyone is desperate. Whitney: cactus and chicken fried rice with sriracha and soy sauce. Nyesha: Asian-style scallops with cactus garnish, cilantro, and Thai basil. Dakota: shrimp tostada with watermelon and prickly pear shooter. In the end, the person who used the wok best, and also used the cactus best, was Nyesha. Good for her. Dakota is pleased Nyesha gets another chance.

TAR19, Recap Leg 12, 12/11/11

2011-12-12T21:43:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Tintin-abulation and Dancing Girls, teams raced from Belgium to Panama. There was tightrope walking, shoe making, fish delivery, and a doozy of a pit stop clue. Andy and Tommy made a wrong decision, taxi drivers talked to each other, causing the elimination of a team that had won six legs, proving once again that it doesn’t matter how many times you finish first, provided you make it to the last leg. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
2nd – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
3rd – Amani/Marcus, Team Football

(Toyouke: “I really don't care a lot about any of these people. I mean...I guess at least that means I don't have hatred for anyone.”)

Panama Viejo, Panama City, Panama

12:04 AM Jeremy/Sandy (1st) – and Sandy is not happy about Atlanta, as it is Amani and Marcus’ hometown. (Toyouke: “Oh, that's why Sandy hates Atlanta. BUT! Teams have been screwed in their hometown before.”)

Clue: Teams must fly to their FINAL DESTINATION CITY: Atlanta, Georgia, USA! Once there, teams make their way to Flight Safety International to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “"Flight Safety International"? I smell skydiving.”)

12:05 AM Ernie/Cindy (2nd)
12:06 AM Amani/Marcus (3rd)

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy –who have an issue with cab fare. (Toyouke: “Auburnium0513 and I both notice the big deal about Jeremy and Sandy's cab fare. We don't know what it means, but I would like to mark down that we noticed it.” Kmanpat: “Note taken.”)
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus

Teams all get on the 8:30 AM Delta flight, which follows the Amazing Red Line to Atlanta.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy – who look for a taxi with a full tank of gas.
2- Ernie/Cindy – who look for a taxi with a GPS.
3- Amani/Marcus – who are from Atlanta, so they should be fine.

Teams arrive at Flight Safety International in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to pick a flight instructor who would teach them how to operate a Learjet flight simulator. They then must successfully complete a simulated landing at Hartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport from an altitude of 2,500 feet in order to receive the next clue. So, they complete the task in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy – on their first try.
2- Ernie/Cindy – on their second try.
3- Amani/Marcus – on their TWELFTH try. (Toyouke: “Why can't Marcus stay on the runway?“ Auburnium0513: “Don't punch the million dollar equipment!”) And that’s the last we see of them.

(Toyouke: “I dislike that all the men seem to be the "pilots" and the women are the "copilots".”)

Teams are now instructed to travel to the former residence known as “The Dump”. Teams must figure out that this is the home where Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone With the Wind.

Teams arrive at The Dump in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy – but only after traveling to the furniture store known as The Dump. You know, in the old Home Depot. (Toyouke: “This is hysterical. Jeremy and Sandy wandering through Weekends Only.” Kmanpat: “Why couldn’t this be Tuesday so that they were closed?”)
3- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the thirteenth (!) roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

“Who gives a damn?”

In this roadblock, one team member must type their next clue using a Remington typewriter. The copy must replicate the original exactly, including the number 1, which needs to be typed using the lowercase l, because the key with the 1 is missing. If correct, the Southern gentleman will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “This is the stupidest Roadblock they've had in a while. "Use an old-timey typewriter! But it's broken! Ha ha WACKY!"” Auburnium0513: “Speed typing on a typewriter will jam the typewriter. “)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Ernie – who looks at the typeface to figure out the missing 1 problem.
2- Sandy
3- Marcus

After much key punching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to use the numbers “44-715-74” to figure out their next destination. This directs teams to Turner Field, in referencing Hank Aaron’s uniform number, his home run total, and the year he broke the record in order to get their next clue. (Toyouke: “This clue is INSANE. Did you forget this group is stupid?”)

(Toyouke: “I love that I lamented the lack of clue boxes for weeks and weeks, when we were all over the world, and now back in the States they are everywhere. Now that everyone walking by can easily recognize them.”)

Teams arrive at Turner Field in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy – Cindy: “Is there an Internet?” (Auburnium0513: “AN INTERNET??? There is only one Internet?”)
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

Once teams arrive, the final task begins.

FINAL TASK:

Teams arrive at Turner Field and three larger than life maps of the world. Teams use the large vertical map and rock climbing gear to map out the Race course from start to finish by looping a rope through a series of carabiners on the map, each representing a specific country. One team member was required to work on the map while his or her teammate gave help from the ground. Teams were not allowed to use notes while working on the task, and the countries on the map were unlabeled. Once completed, the teams would get their next clue. For reference, the order is: USA, Taiwan, Indonesia, Thailand, Malawi, Denmark, Belgium, Panama, USA.

(Toyouke: “Ooohhhhh. "Working without any notes". They've wised up.” Kmanpat: “See, with all of the wacky clue delivery systems, I thought those would have been the final task, as in identify the country in which you found each clue box.”)

Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

(Auburnium0513: “This seems very anti-climactic.”)

Once teams get their clue, they learn they are on their way to Swan House, the FINISH LINE of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL win the Amazing Race!

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

Four continents, 10 countries, 30 cities, 35000 miles, Ernie and Cindy, you are the winners of The Amazing Race 19! Cindy talks about starting a foundation with the money, making anyone who wins the race in the future look selfish if they don’t do the same thing.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jeremy/Sandy
2nd – Ernie/Cindy
3rd – Amani/Marcus
4th – Andy/Tommy
5th – Bill/Cathi
6th – Laurence/Zac
7th – Justin/Jennifer
8th – Liz/Marie
9th – Kaylani/Lisa
10th – Ethan/Jenna
11th – Ron/Bill

Next season: Who knows?!?!? It’s been cast, and we’ll be back soon! Until next time!

Top Chef 12/7/11--"Higher Steaks" summary

2011-12-07T22:56:00.003-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: Everyone moved themselves to Dallas and had a Quickfire outside in the middle of a field. Then they made food for rich socialites, because maybe Bravo wants to try out “Real Housewives: Dallas” or something. Who knows. Anyway, Beverly didn’t seem to share well and Ed complained a lot about his back and the lack of sophistication of these rich people and whatever else he decided wasn’t up to standards. Paul won because he listened to the clients enough to make what they wanted, but not so much that he made bad food. Like Chris C. Several people had issues but in the end Chuy went home for overcooked salmon, in a dish that was designed in such a way that he was forced to overcook the salmon. Also, I didn’t realize that Nyesha looked familiar because she was on “Chef Hunter” earning an executive chef position at a restaurant. So…does that mean she lost? She won and this is what she’s doing until she finds the space to break out on her own? I’m not sure. (click for more)

On Last Chance Kitchen, Chuy and Keith had to make steaks. Tasked by Tom to make the perfect steak, they both did very well. Sadly Keith seared his steak a tiny bit more on one side and was sent home.

Everyone sits in the hotel suite and talks about Chuy. Ed is the first person to be like “girls vs. boys!!1!” MotoChris says he’s going to concentrate on food.

Padma greets everyone with Dean Fearing. The Quickfire today is to be a saucier. Heh. Dean says this is the most prestigious position on the line in a kitchen. Nyesha says if she could pick a position, this would be it. Uh, then why did you go on that other show to be an executive chef? They draw knives for sauces. Grayson brags that she is classically trained. Each chef has drawn a knife with a mother sauce: hollandaise, veloute, béchamel, espagnole, and tomate. They must make a dish with a NEW sauce that stems from whatever sauce they picked out. Winner gets immunity.

90 minutes to cook. Padma makes a “mother of all Quickfires” joke which is kind of lame. Someone says they feel saucy. Sigh. Everyone cooks, and puts things into their sauce to flavor it. It’s pretty crazy. Dakota thinks she overcooked her scallops.

Chris C: butter poached halibut, andouille, mushrooms, and veloute made with the sausage. Ed: cauliflower milk béchamel with poached red snapper, crab, and fried oyster. Grayson: scallop, charred corn hollandaise, corn ravioli, and blueberry balsamic reduction. Paul: quail with pickled and roasted mushrooms, garlic scapes, and okra. He also was supposed to use espagnole, but when Dean asks him what color his roux was, he says he didn’t use one. Oops. Whitney: poached shrimp, fennel pilau, sautéed okra and pancetta. The tomate sauce has some of the shrimp shells, but again no roux. She says in confessional that she never does that. Heather: gruyere croquette, apple and ginger compote and Asian slaw. There is béchamel somewhere. Beverly: crab maki roll with rib eye, charred shallots, peppercorn, sake, and red wine, and espagnole. Heather bitches that Beverly always makes Asian food, but…so? Everyone has their hook. Dakota: peach infused béchamel, seared scallop, truffle, and lemon crab. Ty-Lor: hollandaise with lemongrass and citrus zest, ahi tuna and baby bok choy. I think he screwed up too. Nyesha: tomate sauce with coconut ras el hanout and braised lentils.

Dean says that Dakota used too much peach, and Nyesha used too many flavors, period. Also Beverly made some different sauce, and used her mother sauce sparingly. On the good side, Grayson managed to make ravioli, Chris C. made a great variation on his sauce, and Paul pickled things perfectly. He says that Grayson is the winner. She says to watch out.

Padma warns them that this Elimination challenge will be the toughest they’ll face. They must work as one team to make a four course steak dinner for 200 people. Wow. Ty-Lor says he’s worked in a steakhouse, but working as a team will be challenging. Two of their courses must have steak. This dinner is at the Cattle Baron’s Ball. Nice. Sarah says that these people eat steak every day. Dean says they must produce perfect medium-rare steaks. 30 minutes to menu plan, 3 hours to cook tonight, and 3 hours to cook tomorrow. At South Fork Ranch, which reference I don’t get until Heather mentions “Dallas”. Then she says someone needs to look that up “on the Google machine” and if I wasn’t already annoyed at her for bitching about Beverly for no reason, that would do it. Winner of this challenge gets a car. I’d say “Woo! Car curse!” but this show already destroyed the car curse.

There’s an extra person, so when they split up the courses, they get three on each course except for dessert, which has four. Why not put the extra person on the steak course? I would have done that to make sure as many people as possible are watching the steaks. Soup course is Sarah, Beverly, and Dakota, second course (sirloin appetizers) is Ed, MotoChris, and Paul. Third course, which is the rib eye, is Nyesha, Ty-Lor, Whitney, and Chris C. I thought Paul just said that four people were on dessert? Maybe they have some sense after all. Dessert is Lindsay, Heather, and Grayson. Ed is the “secretary”. He says that Heather is making the same cake she made for the quicianera, but what we didn’t see then was that it’s Ed’s recipe. He is not pleased that she is using his recipe again.

Product placement car commercial.

45 minutes and $4000 to shop. Wow. They seem to be destroying the store. Ty-Lor talks about his dad and inspiration and they show pictures of him while he was small. Whitney finally gets some screen time and says she’s making potato gratin. Nyesha is making two parts of the entrée.

Cooking. The soup is going to be tomato watermelon gazpacho. Sarah thinks that with two meat dishes this will be a nice break. The appetizer course is seared NY strip steak carpaccio and salad. Main course is rib eye (Ty-Lor), “greens” (Chris C.), sauce and compound butter (Nyesha), and potato gratin (Whitney). Heather starts talking about how Beverly is cleaning shrimp, and it’s taken her three hours, and she’s so selfish because she’s just saving her own ass, and aren’t Heather and Beverly on different courses? Or did I mix up Sarah and Heather again? Because why are you so concerned with what Beverly is doing when she wouldn’t be helping you anyway? Whitney is not going to cook her gratin tonight, which worries Ed. Ty-Lor is using a paring knife to poke the marrow out of bones when he puts the knife right into his hand. Yikes. It looks like he stabbed himself between two fingers, and he’s basically telling the medic how it’s going to bleed a lot, and he’s not going to stop, and she should patch him up. He sounds like a total jerk but I wonder how much of that is him trying not to freak out. They wrap his hand up, and he goes back to work and he’s worried because he’s the one responsible for the steaks tomorrow.

After prep he I guess goes to the hospital, and everyone else sits around and tries to come up with a solution to who is going to cover for him. No one will step up to take over for him. Lindsay thinks it’s because of what happened with the first group challenge, which is that Lindsay and Sarah got bossy and they got in trouble for it. At least somewhat. She doesn’t offer either, though.

In the morning, Ty-Lor finally returns to the hotel with four stitches. The hospital was busy, and he was not a priority. He’s going to be running on espresso.

OK, Bravo, that is the worst fake-ass “Dallas” music I think I’ve ever heard. Heather interviews that she finished baking last night (not “we finished”, but “I finished”) so she and Lindsay are pulling plates and apparently “organizing everybody”, which involves reading off a to-do list and shouting. I get that someone needs to set tables and that’s good. I just think the other people can figure out what their courses need and don’t need. MotoChris is searing steaks, but he’s shocking them in liquid to stop the cooking? He also manages to burn a pot holder. Whitney is redoing some of her gratin, because the potatoes turned brown. She thinks she has time. Heather complains about Beverly, who is prepping shrimp, and tells her to move her station closer to the stove so she can cook easier. No one put you in charge, Heather. Heather is now pretending they are a 13 person team, which is ridiculous. You can’t say “I finished the cake” and then say “we’re all a team”. The judges won’t give all of you a car. You know that if Lindsay and Grayson get cars too she’ll bitch about that. And where is Grayson anyway? If you’re so far ahead because the cake’s done, what’s she doing? Don’t hear you whining about her. Dakota tells us Heather’s a bully and “the first person that I would boot from the island”. Oh totally, she would be that one person that starts giving orders about how to make the shelter and where it should be, and how people are drinking too much water, and they’d get rid of her quick.

Tom time! Heather tells Tom she has the most pastry experience out of everyone, and it’s the smartest thing because now she and Lindsay can “execute and expedite”. So in case you were wondering, she purposely put herself on dessert and made dessert early so she could spend today telling everyone what to do. Dakota is making garnishes, and she made mousse too. Dean asks Whitney something about making potato gratin in a double boiler? What? Ty-Lor says he’s marking the steaks on the grill and finishing in the oven. Tom looks slightly skeptical. Beverly says her shrimp are perfect.

Guests arrive and schmooze. This is a giant fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. Heather checks on Ty-Lor, who is manning several grills, outside, where it is 112 degrees. That sucks.
Hugh is here. Woo. Sarah introduces the first course, tomato-watermelon gazpacho, poached shrimp, and avocado mousse. There’s not a lot of watermelon, and Tom thinks it’s too safe. Second course is being plated, and suddenly Lindsay is freaking out about the third course. Second course: New York strip steak carpaccio, heirloom tomato salad, pistachio vinaigrette, and mushroom “bacon”. Tom is irritated at the lack of focus. Hugh says with this much time, they should have peeled the tomatoes.

Lindsay claims that no one would decide when the steaks should go into the oven, so she had to do it. I think it’s because everyone thought Ty-Lor was in charge of steaks, and he’s outside. He does know that he’s depending on everyone else to finish the steaks properly. People start to plate, and then suddenly Heather says they should wait. She interviews that people are still eating the appetizer, so they shouldn’t get the steaks ready, but timing is an issue. Heather is still telling people what they should do and Paul tells her the steaks are already in the oven. Yeah, should have thought about sooner. Heather tells people everything will be fine. Ty-Lor is pissed. A kitchen timer goes off in the kitchen, and is that how they knew when to serve what courses? Does that mean they knew when they would be serving the steaks? What is Lindsay doing then? Ugh, Judges’ Table is going to be stupid. Nyesha hopes her contributions will be strong enough. Grilled rib eye, creamy potato gratin, braised greens and compound butter. The steaks are not all medium rare, and the gratin is not cooked. The judges do distinguish Nyesha’s good contributions. Heather is telling people about how to plate the cake, and she says this: “At this point we have nothing to do except focus on getting my cake out the door.” MY cake. So you’re going to spend an hour complaining about how Beverly is not a team player, but it’s your cake. “Right side up” Texas peach cake, peach salad, and candied pecan streusel. Sadly they love the cake. Tom expected a lot more from them. Ty-Lor thinks he’s going home because the steaks didn’t all come out the same. Whitney knows her gratin wasn’t good.

Commercial interlude: apparently Beverly has considered Ed her idol for a long time. She tells him how she used to stalk him. Creepy.

As everyone waits in the “Stew Room”, Heather wants to talk about what happened with the steaks. Ty-Lor takes responsibility, which is too bad because from what we saw, clearly Lindsay was the one who fired everything early. Heather asks if everyone pulled their weight and then tells Beverly to her face that she didn’t do enough work. Shut up, Heather. Beverly stands up for herself and says peeling and deveining 400 shrimp will take a long time. Heather then threatens to throw her under the bus if she needs to. Heather also thinks she and Lindsay are in trouble because they were responsible for execution of the whole banquet. Beverly brings up an excellent point (sadly, only in confessional) that her taking so much time to prep shrimp had absolutely nothing to do with screwing up the steaks. More whining from Heather. Padma collects Nyesha, Heather, and MotoChris. Damn, I wanted Ed to jump in somewhere and call Heather out on using his recipe. MotoChris cooked the steak carpaccio perfectly. Heather’s cake was well done. Nyesha’s butter saved the dish, according to Tom. The winner is Heather. Are you serious? Car curse! She was such a bitch to Beverly and now she’s all smiles.

Ty-Lor, Whitney, and Ed get called out. Well at least Beverly didn’t get called. Whitney randomly reminds us Hugh is her mentor. Oh, Ty-Lor knows why he’s there. You don’t have to ask him. The steaks were inconsistent and Tom thinks he had the time and manpower in the kitchen to grill the steaks and avoid the oven in the first place. Ty-Lor says the steaks were fired at the wrong time, but the buck stops with him. Whitney wanted something traditional, even though it was so hot outside, but it was raw. And then she served it raw when she should have noticed that. Ed made the salad for the carpaccio, and Tom thought it was too safe. Ed thinks no one wanted to take over anything, and Hugh supports having someone get bossy and order people around. Whatever, Hugh. Although, apparently because I am in an alternate universe, Hugh on his blog agrees with me about Heather.

Ty-Lor is pissed because he thought he should have been able to execute steaks. Lindsay keeps her mouth shut. Whitney took 6 hours to make undercooked potatoes, and any chef should know how to make gratin. True, I probably could do it. Ty-Lor should have grilled the steaks and they would have been good. Ed didn’t do enough and Tom thinks he underestimated his audience.
Tom complains about everyone, and then says he’s thinking maybe he picked the wrong chefs at the beginning of the show. Whitney is sent home. I barely know who she is! They never gave her any screen time. She’s proud of herself.

Next week: double elimination, Heather gets paired with Beverly (OF COURSE), Heather bitches at Grayson. Shut up everyone.

Last Chance Kitchen: All the eliminated chefs are hanging out to watch Chuy and Whitney make burgers. Of course, because this is Top Chef, a random knife draw determines that Chuy’s burger is ostrich and Whitney’s is elk. Both of these proteins are lean and dry. Everyone is making aioli and Keith reminds Whitney to put pans on the burner. And Chuy. No one thinks they’ll be done in time, but everyone finishes. Chuy: ostrich and ground pork burger with Fresno chili aioli and onion straws. Tom doesn’t think he can fit it in his mouth. Also it seems to not be as cooked as Chuy claims to have wanted it. Whitney: elk and pork sausage burger, shallots and garlic, and a fried egg. After Tom has his tasting he invites the boys to come have some too. That was nice. Tom asks around, and Keith says Whitney’s burger had more flavor. Tom agrees, so Whitney gets to stick around.

TAR19, Recap Leg 11, 12/4/11

2011-12-05T22:02:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Sprouting Up All Over Belgium, teams raced through Belgium. There were cars and waffles and rafts. Ernie and Cindy lost their lead. Again. Andy and Tommy won the leg. AGAIN. And Bill and Cathi were eliminated. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
2nd – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
3rd – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
4th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football

Atomium, Brussels, Belgium

The teams slept in the Atomium all night!!! (Toyouke: “I would much rather sleep in the Atomium than customize a car online that I can't have for another two weeks.”)

3:46 AM Andy/Tommy (1st) – (Toyouke: “I guess Andy and Tommy are not as irritating as past teams. Such as Team T-Tow. Or Flo.”)

Clue: Teams should dress in the costumes provided in the box. Once in costume, teams travel to Rue de l’Etuve 37 and find the pictured character (Tintin) and describe to him who you are dressed as and what you do. (Detectives Dupond and Dupont)

(Toyouke: “Uh...what? Although, Tintin is hot.” Kmanpat: “I second that emotion!”)

4:20 AM Jeremy/Sandy (2nd)
4:35 AM Ernie/Cindy (3rd)
4:40 AM Amani/Marcus (4th) – (Toyouke: “Them in the cab giggling and Marcus trying to stop so he doesn't lose his mustache? Hilarious.”)

Teams arrive on Rue de l’Etuve in the four o’clock hour and start asking locals who they are dressed as. (Toyouke: “Yes, let's ask random people who are on the street at 4am. They'll totally recognize comic book characters. If you went to any random city in the US and asked people questions at 4am, you would probably not get any help whatsoever.”) They are provided with various translations of the names, and Andy and Tommy find internet kiosks and determine that they are Charlie Chaplin. (Toyouke: “Seriously they look like Charlie Chaplin.”) Obviously, they are wrong. Anyway, teams get their clue from the ever adorable Tintin in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Andy/Tommy

Teams are now instructed to take a train to Amsterdam and go to the airport to fly over 4000 miles to the city of Panama City, Panama! Once there, teams were to make their way to Puerto Cerado and take a boat to Parara Paru and locate Embera Village to get their next clue.

We find that the Tintin clue had no bearing on the teams, as they all make the same Amazing Dotted Red Line to Amsterdam and Amazing Red Line to Panama City.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

Teams arrive at the motorboats in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Ernie/Cindy

Teams find that there are NOT hours of operation and the motorboats will drive them in the middle of the night to their destination. (Toyouke: “I am totally expecting creepy pictures to jump out at them like in Willy Wonka.”) So, they arrive at the village in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus – Marcus: “We’re going to get a crash course in head shrinking.”
4- Ernie/Cindy

Teams arrive and are invited to sign up for tattoos in three time slots.

7:00 AM
1) Andy/Tommy

7:20 AM
1) Jeremy/Sandy

7:40 AM
1) Amani/Marcus
2) Ernie/Cindy

And then teams spend the night on hammocks in the village.

Teams wake up in the morning, and go and get their tattoos, which is their next clue. (Toyouke: “Oh, this isn't a tattoo. Weak sauce. At least poke them some.”) Teams are now headed back to Panama City to locate the San Francisco Bay Towers.

Teams arrive back at the port in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

And then teams taxi to the San Francisco Bay towers to arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the twelfth roadblock clue. (Toyouke: “CLUE BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, I MISSED you!!”)

ROADBLOCK:

“Who wants to walk in rarified air?”

(Kmanpat: “In reality, this should read, “Who GETS to walk in rarified air?” as they tell us exactly which team members are taking the roadblock.” Toyouke: “It looks like the 6-Roadblock-rule is still in effect. But if Sandy's done 5, and Jeremy's done 6, then after this one they'll be even. So does that mean there aren't any more Roadblocks? Or what?”)

In this roadblock, one team member must travel 35 stories into the air and walk a tightrope between two buildings in order to get their next clue. Roadblockers then walk back across the rope to unsuit and return to their partner where they can open their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock, because they have to:

1- Andy
2- Sandy - who is afraid of heights.
3- Cindy
4- Amani

It is interesting to note that Ernie spots the taxi drivers talking. Jeremy remarks that his cab drier knows where he is going after the Roadblock, and then proceeds to tell the other ones. (Toyouke: “See, that's why you don't discuss directions where everyone else's taxis are.”) This could provide for interesting leg endgame.

After much tight rope walking, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to find the man who had “success in Suez” located “beneath a rooster.” (Toyouke: “A real clue clue! It's like they decided in this leg to go old school. Or maybe Panama insisted.”) This directs teams to the Ferdinand de Lesseps Statue to get their next clue.

Teams arrive at the statue in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Filet OR Sole
*Water: Teams travel to El Mercado de Mariscos and deliver specific amounts of fish to each of the marked vendors. Once complete, teams return to the fishmonger and get their next clue.
*Waffles: Teams travel to the Salsipuedes Market and find Tacho Cuterras to use one piece of leather to make one pair of traditional sandals. Once complete, the cobbler will give them their next clue.

1- Andy/Tommy choose Sole
2- Ernie/Cindy choose Sole
3- Jeremy/Sandy choose Sole
4- Amani/Marcus choose Filet – but end up at Sole because their cab driver had been communicating with everyone else’s cab driver. Instead of performing the task, they took the risk to be delivered to the actual task they picked. (Toyouke: “No! When you stumble on the other Detour choice you do it instead of losing more time by looking for the one you want! Although, if you're in last and everyone else is doing the same Detour choice, I can see that.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Amani/Marcus
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams are now instructed to make their way to the Polera demonstration in Cathedral Square to find the name of their Pit Stop. We are told that the clue can be spotted written on one of the dresses or pictured on a medallion.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy – who arrive first, and determine that since the medallions all say Balboa, they must be looking for Balboa. (Toyouke: “See? This is too tricky of a task for this group of racers. Because if I saw the word "Balboa" and I knew that was what the money was called, and I saw the word on COINS, I might think twice about it.”) So their driver takes them to the Panama Canal and the Balboa Statue (Toyouke: “Oh, Balboa was a thing that exists? That sucks.”) before they return to take another look. In the meantime, the other teams have come and gone.
2- Amani/Marcus – they go with the Balboa clue, but are redirected by their cab driver who is following . . .
3- Ernie/Cindy – who also have the Balboa clue, but are redirected by THEIR cab driver who is following . . .
4- Jeremy/Sandy – who found the medallion with the picture of Panama Viejo on it. (Toyouke: “Sandy, stumbling on the right answer.”) They told their cab driver, and you can determine the rest. (Toyouke: “Not one of these racers knows if they're right or not. That's not a good task.”)

(Toyouke: “Wait...so Ernie and Cindy, and Amani and Marcus, are now going to the right place because Jeremy and Sandy's cab driver told their drivers where to go. But they didn't actually have to solve the clue. That is DEFINITELY not a good task.”)

Once teams find their clue, they learn they are on their way to Panama Viejo, the PIT STOP of the eleventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Jeremy/Sandy – who win a trip for two to Turks and Caicos.
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Andy/Tommy

(Toyouke: “Although I don't mind the snowboarders are out, in particular, I don't like how it happened. Because it seemed to happen because Andy and Tommy went off on their own. Everyone else collaborated, and finished through no effort of their own. Ernie and Cindy, and Amani and Marcus, they didn't figure out the clue. So they should have driven around and gone back and so forth like the snowboarders did.”)

And Andy and Tommy’s luck due to other team stupidity has finally been thwarted by intelligent Panamanian cab drivers. Andy is thankful he experienced God’s awesome creation.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jeremy/Sandy
2nd – Ernie/Cindy
3rd – Amani/Marcus

Next week: The pressure is on in the final destination city of Atlanta! There is flight simulation, a typewriter roadblock, and a final task featuring maps and carabineers. Who will win TAR 19? Until next time!

Top Chef 11/30/11--"Don't Be Tardy for the Dinner Party" summary

2011-11-30T22:41:00.002-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: a Quickfire with chilies rewarded people with guts, as Paul used ghost chilies in a soup, to earn $20,000 and immunity. Then the chefs went through a chili cook-off. They had all night to cook, which was nice, but they had to be in groups, which was minorly irritating. Richie, Nyesha, and Beverly had the idea to make mole chili, which did not turn out well. As a result, they had to reuse their chili to make another dish. Beverly did this well, while Nyesha and Richie did not. In the end, Richie was sent home, and was very upset about it. (click for more)

And then after he was sent home, he went to Last Chance Kitchen and was soundly defeated by Keith. He unfortunately suffers from a common problem with molecular gastronomists, which is making things that are all flash with nothing to back it up. And Tom is not impressed by that.

Everyone sits around after the rodeo, and Padma comes to see them. They all kind of freak out, but Padma is just telling them that tomorrow they’ll be moving to Dallas. I don’t know why they didn’t just stay in one spot, but whatever.

Everyone packs and seems to get along with each other. MotoChris is called “Ugly Chris” for some reason, but he just kind of laughs.

Are they driving themselves? Guess so. The car ride involves getting to know each other. Ed talks about his wife, and Ty-Lor talks about his boyfriend. He has a 70’s mustache and matching sunglasses. Beverly has a ton of ink all up her arm. Weird. I would not have thought she would have tattoos. Chris has lost 70 pounds. I don’t think he looked that bad before, but apparently everyone gave him shit when he was in a magazine, so he was shamed into losing the weight.

So now everyone is magically on some side road, in the middle of nowhere, with no other traffic. Because they just “happened” to get off the highway and this is totally the way to Dallas, I guess we’re supposed to believe. Bravo got a cop to block off the road and stand there waiting for them in a vaguely menacing fashion. Dakota reveals that she has an unpaid speeding ticket in Texas. Why did you decide to come to Texas if you thought you had a warrant? They all pull over, supposedly because they don’t have insurance or driver’s licenses. This is stupid. Just give them directions to drive to the middle of nowhere. Of course when the cop says to pull over Heather decides to pull off the road into a field. Padma and John Besh wait for them by some picnic tables. Chris C. talks about how John Besh is hot. I know, right? Anyway, the Quickfire is to cook in the middle of this field with military survival kits. Winner gets $5000 and immunity.

30 minutes to cook. MotoChris runs straight across the empty field to the corn field to take some corn. Ed feels this is ridiculous. That is how Quickfires work. Also it’s windy so the camp stoves are not working as well as they could be. People trade up cans for things they want. Whitney whines that she would never cook with this food ever. There’s always one. Lindsay is using canned sausages in honor of her dad. Ed, in addition to being irritated, is offended by everyone making “camp food”. Then he says he threw out his back. MotoChris has dry corn.

MotoChris: fried chicken on lemongrass noodle. Chuy: he says it’s “Chuy’s Dirty Mouth, Dirty Rice”. Padma asks if she wants to eat that, and he says in all seriousness “You do. You do.” Basmati rice, black eyed peas, with smoked trout. Grayson: pickled herring with hearts of palm, dates, and herring juice. Mmm, herring juice. Lindsay: triple club with tuna and sardines in French onion soup with Vienna sausage. The “triple club” is made with saltines instead of bread. Ty-Lor: black pepper chicken stew with garbanzo beans and rice. Sarah: dried beef and pineapple rice, applesauce, and hearts of palm. Chris C.: spicy garbanzo beans with tofu and crab. I want to know what was originally in these kits. Whitney: beer and peach glazed chicken with green bean casserole. Ed: Thai peanut soup with salmon, tofu, and fried shrimp. Paul: pork and beans with coffee and basmati rice. Dakota: sweet and spicy noodles with crab meat and pineapple juice.

Whitney’s chicken and green beans were straight out of the can. Dakota’s dish was too sweet. Chris C. somehow managed to have raw tofu and crab. Ed’s detail was perfect, Lindsay’s dish looked scary but was delicious, Chuy used canned smoked trout which was also delicious. The winner is Lindsay. Ed looks pissed and says that her sandwich looked dry. Ed, I’ll give you that you’re in pain, but seriously. You aren’t making yourself look good.

For the Elimination challenge, they’re going to Highland Park. They will have to make all the food for a progressive dinner party that three neighbors are having. A progressive dinner is where you start in one location, and have maybe appetizers and salad, then you go to the next place and have the main course, and then to another place for dessert. Generally the work gets split between the hosts. Ty-Lor name drops some people and tells us he knows how rich people think. Padma divides them into teams based on where they’re standing; five people for appetizers, five for entrée, and four for dessert. Dakota bitches that she’s stuck with dessert again. Then for some reason Padma emphasizes that this is an individual elimination challenge. So I guess they’re not really “teams”.

They’re staying in a hotel in Dallas, and I’m not sure if this is permanent or just for today. It’s a sweet hotel, though.

Kim and Justin Whitman own the “appetizer house”. This team seems to be MotoChris, Whitney, Paul, Lindsay, and Sarah. Whitney talks about how poor she used to be. Of course, the wife writes party planning books. Sarah asks if there’s a theme, and Kim says they thought about having them make all pink food. The boys look horrified for about 5 seconds before she says they don’t have to make pink food. Then she lists the things she doesn’t like: bell peppers, cilantro, stinky food, food that gets stuck in your teeth, things that are hard to eat. Also she is not adventurous.

The “entrée house” belongs to Kari and Troy Kloewer. Ty-Lor, Chuy, Nyesha, Heather, and Beverly. Troy likes spicy, Kari does not. She also does not like cilantro or raspberries. Troy loves beef, but Kari is a vegetarian. It’s wacky! But at least she told them now that she doesn’t eat meat. Spoiler: this is never mentioned again. Chuy says this kind of thing is why he doesn’t cater. He’d rather the people come to his restaurant where he can kick them out.

Dessert, Kameron and Court Westcott. Jesus. This group is Ed, Grayson, Chris C., and Dakota. They ask for fudge and bananas, and something that is worth every calorie. Court (or maybe Kameron, because holy crap these names), the boy anyway, says that he has a gummi bear addiction. Ed can’t believe that rich people would like something so low-brow. Anyway, at least these two don’t have any restrictions.

30 minutes to shop, $250. Ty-Lor is glad to be on his own. Paul claims that from his experience with high-end clients, you can’t give them what you want. Sounds like he’s going to give them what they want and get in trouble. Chris C. has an untested cupcake recipe.

Two hours to cook, possibly for everyone? For sure for appetizers. Chris C. reminds us that baking is precise and scientific. MotoChris wants to make a dish that looks like a cigar. Paul says you have to impress the lady, because the husband just kind of goes along with things. Beverly is hogging the sink, according to Heather, who asks her if she can take a colander out of the sink. In the same sentence she moves from “Beverly is using the whole sink” to “Beverly has taken over the entire kitchen and isn’t that rude”. Nyesha gets in on it too, as Beverly has moved a pot and a strainer. On the one hand, it’s a big pot that is just full of water and nothing’s happening. On the other hand, I’m sure a pot that size will take some time to get to temperature. On the third hand, don’t move other people’s things without asking, Beverly. Ed is very cranky and superior today, because he says he refuses to base his dessert for 12 on the likes of two people. Who like fudge! So pedestrian! Whatever, dude, fudge is delicious. He admits to the other people in his kitchen that when the couple was talking about bananas and fudge he flat out stopped listening. Lindsay is putting roasted and raw items together in a salad for balance. Paul and MotoChris are worried.

Appetizers are served. MotoChris: roasted chicken cigar with sweet corn, collard greens, and cumin “ash”. It does actually look like a green cigar, I suppose. Or dolmades, if you squint. Sarah: grilled Roman-style artichokes with date puree, pecans, and mint. Lindsay: roasted and raw beet salad with chickpeas and Greek vinaigrette. Whitney: seared scallop over sweet corn puree, succotash, and zucchini. Paul: fried Brussels sprouts with prosciutto and Madras-spiced crème fraiche. Everyone comes up to the table to serve themselves. There is a weird spate of small talk where someone just got married and had 900 people there, and Gail had joked about 700. Or something. MotoChris’s dish had good flavors but dry. And you don’t eat cigars. The artichokes are delicious, as are Lindsay’s beets (but not Lindsay’s other components). The Brussels sprouts turned out very well too. Whitney’s scallop is boring. Justin says some of the dishes were great, but some needed work, and then Tom busts out “So, close but no cigar?” and you know he’s been working on that line ever since MotoChris said he was serving a cigar. Can’t blame him though.

Chuy thinks he’s overcooked the salmon. Ty-Lor says he and Heather are friends and it’s so nice to have her around. So one of them should be leaving soon. He tries to get his presentation to look better. Everyone serves family-style which is nice. Heather: garlic and rosemary grilled lamb chops with garbanzo beans and mint chimichurri. Chuy: sockeye salmon fillet stuffed with goat cheese cream and avocado. Each fillet is in a corn husk boat. Beverly: pan seared scallop with creamy polenta and crispy garlic. Ty-Lor: grilled pork tenderloin with summer slaw. Nyesha: roasted fillet of beef with vegetable mélange and red wine sauce. Chuy’s salmon was mild, but one of the guests likes it. Beverly’s dish goes over very well. Ty-Lor’s dish is sloppy and a little dry. Heather overcooked her lamb chops. Nyesha’s red wine sauce looks too much like blood. I don’t think anyone is excited.

Dakota is making a milkshake, but for some reason doesn’t have anything to serve it in? So she’s making cups out of dates? OK. Chris C. has too many things. Dakota: banana bread pudding with peanut butter cups, banana mousse, and a date banana milkshake in a date cup. Chris C.: strawberry cupcake with banana custard and chocolate icing. And mint chocolate chip ice cream. Ed: cardamom-scented panna cotta, cantaloupe consommé, and raspberries stuffed with basil pudding. Grayson: chocolate sponge cake, caramelized bananas, and crushed chocolate-covered pretzels, and semifreddo of some kind. Ed’s presentation is compared to Elmo and is also called “jiggly”. Grayson’s dish is declared rich, although Tom gets a dig in about being too rich in Dallas and how that’s impossible. They love Chris C.’s cupcake, but Tom busts out the line of “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything”. Dakota’s dessert is worth the calories.

Commercial interlude: Chuy tells many stories about his dad and they seem to tend to outlandish. Everyone else makes fun of him.

Padma collects Sarah, Grayson, Paul, and Dakota. These are the top four. Everyone freaks out so much that I wonder how much self doubt had to be floating around. Grayson’s pretzels worked really well with her dessert. Sarah’s flavors all worked together. Dakota’s bread pudding was nostalgic and comforting. Paul’s dish had lots of texture. The winner is Paul, who listened to what the clients wanted. Huh. Usually the person who listens is in trouble. Think of all those Project Runway challenges. Good for him, though.

The bottom four are MotoChris, Ty-Lor, Chris C., and Chuy. Chris C.’s cupcake had way too much going on, and he says he was trying to listen to what the clients wanted, and here is the “I listened to everything the client said and gave them all of it” person. John Besh says to listen, but then edit. Ty-Lor admits he was not satisfied with his dish, because it was not clean. They nail him on proportions and knife skills. Chuy says he’s made his dish before, and Gail tells him that the salmon was overcooked and the goat cheese turned mealy. He says that he had to cook the salmon to well-done so that the cheese would get hot in the center, and Tom immediately says if he has to overcook the salmon to get the cheese to where he wants it, why is that a good dish? No response. MotoChris talks about taking a risk and going for it. Tom feels that this was not the best thing for the ingredients. MotoChris was too caught up in the gimmick and so didn’t think about things like, in order to wrap the cigars he had to leave the stringy parts of the collard greens.

Tom thinks Chuy should have been able to adjust his dish so that everything was cooked properly. There wasn’t much redeeming value in that dish. The cigar was apparently too big and greasy and not elegant, according to Gail. He couldn’t make it work. Chris C.’s dish didn’t make any sense and nothing went together. Ty-Lor also seemed to throw a ton of things together with no thought.

Tom explains how all these dishes sucked, and then Padma sends Chuy home. Wait, what? Really? Well that was out of left field. John Besh, in a random clip, says it was overcooked salmon in a non-thought-out dish. Chuy says he was the youngest, but went pretty far and he seems in fair spirits.

Next week: a ranch, steaks, Ty-Lor cuts himself and goes to the hospital which I’m sure will result in weeks of people bitching about what a wuss he is, Sarah bitches about Beverly being slow.

Last Chance Kitchen: Chuy and Keith travel to a butcher to pick up some beef. They each get some ribs, and Tom tells them they must cut 5 bone-in ribeyes, and then cook one perfect medium-rare steak. They have 45 minutes to do this. There is an example for butchering. Keith has made a small mistake in butchering, with slightly uneven cooking. Chuy took the fat cap off the rack, but his bones are cleaner and the seasoning is good. Tom says that they are pretty much equal, but one tiny thing, because Keith seared the steak a little too much on one side, he is out. Chuy gets to stay. Boo. I like Keith.

TAR19, Recap Leg 10, 11/27/11

2011-11-28T21:38:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Are You Copenhanging In There?, teams raced from Denmark to Germany to Belgium. Tommy got mad, Sandy got sick, and there was much body building. Amani and Marcus finished first, and were surprised to start the next leg. . . immediately! Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Amani/Marcus, Team Football
2nd – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
4th – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
5th – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents

Parc Elisabeth, Brussels, Belgium

(And for those of you regular readers (or do I just type this for my own enjoyment?) my prediction of the body building finishes were correct, so I’d put them here, but they’d just be redundant.)

Amani/Marcus (1st)

Clue: Teams drive themselves to the Ford Proving Grounds in Lommel, Belgium.

(Toyouke: “Why does Ford have proving grounds in Belgium?” Kmanpat: “Why not? It’s good for product placement.” Auburnium0513: “So maybe THIS leg has the car as the prize? It will be a Mustang?”)

Ernie/Cindy (2nd)
Jeremy/Sandy (3rd) – and Sandy says “prah-ving”. (Toyouke: “Are they all mispronouncing "proving"?”)
Andy/Tommy (4th)
Bill/Cathi (5th)

Teams arrive at the Proving Grounds in the following order:

1- Amani/Marcus
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Bill/Cathi

And once they arrive, teams get the eleventh roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

“Who wants to play with the Ponies?”

In this roadblock, one team member must don racer apparel and drive a Ford Mustang through three challenges: a speed task in order to get their car to 100 mph and bring to a full stop, a slalom test that must be completed perfectly in 16 seconds, and two victory donuts. Once complete, the professional will hand them their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Ernie – who can’t seem to stop properly. (Toyouke: “Ernie keeps hitting the balloon. How often does he rear-end people in real life?”)
2- Jeremy
3- Marcus
4- Tommy – who made Andy ridiculously jealous by doing this task. (Toyouke: “Don't use your jealousy to talk about how awesome you are because you're Christian, Andy.”)
5- Bill

After much car racing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Bill/Cathi

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to Gent, Belgium and find the Hoofdbrug on Burgstraat to get their next clue

Teams arrive at Hoofdbrug in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Bill/Cathi

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Water OR Waffles
*Water: Teams use the provided materials to construct a raft and travel the waterways of Gent to pick up two halves of their next clue.
*Waffles: Teams build a waffle stand and then bake 18 waffles to the approval of the waffle manager to get their next clue.

(Auburnium0513: “Waffles all the way!” Toyouke: “I have to agree, waffles are delicious.” Kmanpat: “But the rafting looks like the less challenging task. You know, aside from making a floating object.”)

1- Ernie/Cindy choose Waffles
2- Jeremy/Sandy choose Waffles
3- Amani/Marcus choose Water – after walking past Waffles and deciding that it’s probably too difficult. Marcus: “Too bad Laurence isn’t here to show us how it’s done.” (Toyouke: “Oh, Marcus. I'm sure Laurence would have screwed this up.”)
4- Andy/Tommy choose Water
5- Bill/Cathi choose Water – after walking past Waffles and deciding that it’s probably too difficult.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Bill/Cathi

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to De Muur Van Geraardsbergen to get their next clue.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Bill/Cathi

Teams now have to work with a pigeon trainer to release homing pigeons. The teams are then given an address to drive to in order to meet up with their pigeons and get their Pit Stop Clue. Teams arrive at their addresses in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy (Stoofstraat 52 Beersel)
2- Jeremy/Sandy (Stoofstraat 52 Beersel)
3- Ernie/Cindy (Steenweg op Ukkel 75 Beersel)
4- Amani/Marcus (Steenweg op Ukkel 75 Beersel)
5- Bill/Cathi (Not Shown)

Teams are now given a picture of the Atomium in Brussels, the PIT STOP of the tenth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

(Toyouke and Auburnium0513: “We love the little tiny clue!!!” Kmanpat: “They had me at ATOMIUM!!!”)

1- Andy/Tommy – who win 2 customizable Ford Mustangs.
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Bill/Cathi

And Bill and Cathi are sadly eliminated, which is the first time in a long time that an older team has made it this far. (TAR history note: last time was Fran and Barry in TAR9).

ORDER NOW:
1st – Andy/Tommy
2nd – Jeremy/Sandy
3rd – Ernie/Cindy
4th – Amani/Marcus

Next week: Pandemonium in Panama! And there are clues on dresses! (Toyouke: “Writing clues on the skirts of dancers is too advanced for this group.”) Until next time!

Top Chef 11/23/11--"Red Hot Chili Cookoff" summary

2011-11-27T19:35:00.001-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: the chefs divided into two teams, to cook for some poor girl’s quincianera. Although, she seemed to enjoy the food so maybe this is like a dream come true for her? I know if Top Chef contacted me and said “Hey, can we come film you and cook for your birthday?” I wouldn’t hesitate to agree. Keith bought pre-cooked shrimp, and then made enchiladas with flour tortillas. I always get flour tortillas with my enchiladas, but then again, I’m not eating at any fine dining establishments when I do. Sarah and Lindsay tried to run the show, and they tried to throw Keith under the bus (as they knew he shouldn’t do that but let him anyway) but the shrimp thing proves too much for him to overcome and he is eliminated. (click for more)

But Keith won his Last Chance Kitchen challenge so hopefully he’ll last a while.

Everyone relaxes on the patio while Sarah and Lindsay try to defend themselves. Not that people are really going after them, but they are adamant that they did not turn on Keith. Sarah especially says Keith didn’t go home for the shrimp, which is maybe not the best defense since she got in more trouble for not telling him not to use flour tortillas. Well, maybe not “trouble” per se. Sarah says in confessional that in group challenges she’s looking out for herself. Wonderful. Ty-Lor says something to the effect of “put something good on the plate or shut the fuck up” which is hysterical since he almost went home just now for not putting anything good on the plate.

For the Quickfire, all are greeted by baskets of chilies and thermometers. I would assume the thermometers are there to determine hotness, but there are also dollar amounts for some reason. Hotter chilies have higher dollar amounts. Padma introduces the guest judges: Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger. Nice. Padma tells them risk will be rewarded. Damn, there are ghost chilies on that table. You must create a dish highlighting one chili pepper. The pepper you choose determines how much money you can win. Obviously a milder chili is easier to work with, but then if you win, you get less prize money.

30 minutes to cook. Beverly is just picking up chilies and eating them raw. She’s going for a mild chili because that will make the best tasting dish. Richie is not going much past jalapeno. MotoChris (I don’t remember his last name and that’s how I tell the two Chris’s apart anyway) looks like he’s going for manzano chilies, which I’ve never heard of but they look like Scotch Bonnets. Heather takes Thai chilies to pickle. Chuy only goes for habaneros, but he makes them all the time. Actually, I think several people are working with them. Paul wants to impress the judges, so he takes the ghost chili. Good luck with that, dude. Beverly actually has not cooked her chilies.

Beverly: Anaheim chili crudite with ssamjiang paste. Ssamjiang is a spicy Korean paste. Sarah: salmon belly seared with Fresno chili relish. Richie: Fresno slaw with pineapple curd and seared bay scallops. MotoChris: seared chicken with manzano vinaigrette. Chris C: coconut soup with Thai chili. Heather: date and pistachio cous cous, pickled cucumbers, red onions, and Thai chilies. Chuy: sautéed scallop with achiote and habaneros. Grayson: habanero popper with cheddar cheese and cream cheese lime sauce. Nyesha: baby fennel and rock shrimp with orange and habanero vinaigrette. Paul: chilled coconut soup with kaffir lime, and ghost pepper relish.

Beverly didn’t do enough with her chilies. Richie had great presentation but everything was sweet and not hot enough. Chuy had a dish that spoke to the two women but he used canned tomato and it overpowered the chilies. Good dishes were Heather, who had good punch with the Thai chilies; Grayson, who made poppers and so obviously showcased the pepper; and finally Paul, the risk taker. Paul ends up as the winner, with $20,000 and immunity.

For the Elimination challenge, we are having a chili cook-off. Interesting. Everyone gets a pot, because of course there are teams. WHY?!?! I don’t want to have team challenges all the damn time. I mean, none would be boring, and I won’t pretend I don’t like the drama, but if you’re going to have a team challenge every week then it’s obvious you’re only doing it in hopes of a fight. And it does get really boring. There are teams of three, but at least they aren’t restricted in what kind of chili they have to make. Like, beans, no beans, whatever. Chris C. is worried to be on Sarah’s team, because even though he was the first one to throw Keith under the bus, which he did when Sarah asked him about things, he is nervous she might do the same to him. Also a good thing for them, they have all night to cook. At the Top Chef house. Service is at 7pm tomorrow at the Tejas Rodeo. They have to serve 200 cowboys, and they will pick the winner. Interesting.

Everyone runs to Whole Foods to buy brisket. Somehow Paul and Dakota get out shouted and Dakota (uh…possibly it’s Whitney) complains that she was the first one up there. It’s hard to tell, but possible. She has to buy short ribs. Sarah buys a bunch of stuff and tells Chris C. it’s for cornbread. He tells her they haven’t bought all the things for the chili (and it seems they’ve overspent) and she gets bitchy and says she’s just putting it on the conveyor belt. Sarah, that’s where you put things you want to buy. You can’t buy any of your cornbread stuff. She completely ignores him and says she wants to see what it costs. Edward worries they might not have enough food.

It’s just before 4pm. Everyone rushes the kitchen. Nyesha’s team has a plan: Richie grabs pots, Beverly takes produce, and Nyesha, clever girl, takes all the beer. MotoChris sets up in the fireplace outside, and Ed claims space there too. Negotiations begin for fireplace space, equipment, whatever people want. Sarah, Chris C., and Chuy are the Green Team. She says they are making chili con carne with roasted corn. So I guess she didn’t get her cornbread. Red Team (Whitney, MotoChris, Dakota) are braising brisket and short ribs. Nyesha, Richie, and Beverly (Black Team) are making mole chili with cornbread. Oh, man, if I saw that on a menu I would order it in a heartbeat. Don’t disappoint me, you guys. Blue Team (Ed, Heather, Paul) celebrates because they got the grill to close.

Everyone is working away when Tom appears out of nowhere. Nyesha says she has “minimal” experience with chili, even though earlier she was complaining about carrying her team. Ty-Lor, Grayson, and Lindsay (White Team) also have short ribs and brisket, which they are grilling in the fireplace. Heather knows that even though cowboys will be choosing the winner, it’s the judges who will be choosing the loser. For some reason she is pickling peaches. Tom is skeptical.

Round about 11pm everyone is just watching pots, so there is a fair amount of horsing around. Also dazed working. Ed opens a bottle of wine by slamming the base of the wine bottle on a pillar until the cork flies out. Interesting. Chuy is drinking beer and babbling. At 1am people are still working, transferring mixtures into different pots, and whatnot. If I have to simmer things longer than 10 minutes I get bored and don’t cook that recipe anymore so this is foreign to me. At 3am Nyesha declares the Black Team finished. Sarah gives up at 5 and goes to shower and get some sleep.

Everyone is dragging in the morning. However when they get ready to go there is a lot of fake hooting and hollering. They seem to pile into cars, so is this rodeo far out of town? I’m not sure what the schedule for today is. The conversation in the cars involves both screaming cowboys and Armor-all on steers.

Everyone gets a cowboy hat! They’ve only got one hour to prep, but they can still heat the chili slowly so it doesn’t burn. Someone also has to stir it. Ty-Lor says he loves people. There is a ton of last minute tasting and adjusting of flavors and secret sauces being poured into pots and so forth.

As people line up, there is a shot of a very small child, all dressed up in his cowboy hat and jeans, with a competitor number pinned to his shirt. And he is running up the hill to get in line. So cute! There are some serious people, and then there’s the girl in the shiny dress with the colors. Honey, that is not your dress. Everyone schmoozes and tries to get votes. Chuy is pleased to be able to promise everyone they did not put beans in their chili so it’s proper Texas chili.

Gail is here today. I like Gail. She asks Tom to open her beer (due to a loss of feeling in her finger caused by a bagel accident) but Tom fails. However Padma succeeds which should surprise no one. Green Team: chili con carne, no beans, and roasted corn, onion, and avocado garnish. Tom says it grows on you the more you eat it. Gail wishes it was thicker, and Mary Sue thinks there should have been tortillas or chips. Or possibly cornbread? Damn Sarah for being right. Red Team: braised brisket and short rib chili. It appears to have cheddar cheese. It’s smoky and spicy, but a little stringy.

Blue Team: smoked brisket chili with summer pickles (peaches, radishes, haricot vert). And pork rinds. Gail raves about the peaches, but Tom thinks the chili itself isn’t that great. Black Team: “chili mole” with cornbread. They have fantastic cornbread, and maybe the chili didn’t get to where it could have been, but it reminds everyone of mole. White Team: three bean and beef chili, with poblano cornbread. They put pickled vegetables in the chili, and the judges are torn.
Tom says it would be hard to choose a winner, but they still have to choose a loser. Tom picks Black Team, because mole is not chili. The Red Team also had stringy meat, however their flavor was better than the White Team.

Everyone gets to stay and watch some of the rodeo which is cool. In the middle of the whole thing Beverly loses it because she misses her husband so much. Nyesha tries for “I feel for her but man up” and mostly succeeds. Padma gets to ride a horse, which she does fairly well. Chris C. likens her to Fabio for some reason. Because she is “pure beauty”. The winner is the Green Team. Padma then calls out the Black Team as the worst. Oo, harsh. Then she says they’re going to get one last chance to prove they belong, which is to transform the losing chili into a winning dish, in 30 minutes. The three of them bust out of the stands to cook.

Everyone is tired and I think they’re all really worried. This is an interesting twist. I think all of them are using the sauce/broth from the chili to coat something else. Beverly: seared tuna with habanero creamed corn. Nyesha: Frito-encrusted black tiger shrimp with roasted corn salsa. Richie: Frito-encrusted pork tenderloin, potato hash, ricotta cheese chili puree. Everyone used the chili as a sauce.

Richie’s dish lacked seasoning and brightness. Nyesha did a great job, but didn’t put enough sauce on the plate. Beverly used the mole really well, and they think the other two were embarrassed by the sauce.

Commercial interlude: Gail says they’re assholes for making the losing team cook again. Tom agrees. That was cute.

Beverly fixed the flaws in the chili, while at the same time making a new dish, so she is safe. Nyesha’s dish didn’t go far enough, while Richie’s dish never came together. Richie is out. Aww. By the time they get back to the other chefs he’s in tears. He apologizes to MotoChris because he feels he failed Moto. MotoChris is super supportive and it’s so sad.

Next week: everyone goes to Dallas, where John Besh greets them in a field and Chris C. talks about how John Besh is hot.

Last Chance Kitchen: Richie and Keith must make a dish from Thanksgiving leftovers. Nice. They have to use at least three dishes that are currently on the table. Richie freaks out a little bit, since he just got sent home on a “repurposing” challenge. Keith serves turkey and sweet corn hash, ham fritter with stuffing and blue cheese, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin pie smear. Richie: turkey, green bean casserole, macaroni and cheese fritter, and cornbread puree. Something…is pink. There is a pink puree that is an unfortunate Pepto Bismol color. It seems to be cranberry mousse frozen in liquid nitrogen. In the end, Richie’s dish looks out there, but is actually not that inventive. So Keith remains to battle again.

TAR19, Recap Leg 9, 11/20/11

2011-11-21T23:02:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on The Rabbit Of Caerbannog Has Sharp Pointy Teeth!, teams raced from Malawi to Denmark. Amani and Marcus used their intelligence to surmise that no one in their right mind would take any flight but the one provided by the producers, but have mad rabbit racing skills, and therefore beat Zac, who cannot dance but looks hot in fifteenth century clothing, and his father, who can’t navigate Denmark. And the father-son were eliminated. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
2nd – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents
3rd – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
4th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football
5th – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout

Havet Ship, Copenhagen, Denmark

9:01 AM Ernie/Cindy (1st)

Cindy wonders if her parents have a problem with Ernie because she is first generation Chinese American and Ernie is not Chinese. (Toyouke: “Uh oh. Cindy's talking about her life.“)

Clue: Teams drive themselves to the Hans Christian Anderson Statue to get their next clue. You have $350 for this leg of the race.

10:34 AM Bill/Cathi (2nd)
10:39 AM Andy/Tommy (3rd) – Tommy: “Are You Copen-hanging in there?” Andy: “I’m copin’ and hangin’.”
11:43 AM Amani/Marcus (4th)
12:08 PM Jeremy/Sandy (5th) – Jeremy has a 6 year old at home.

Teams arrive at the statue in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Jeremy/Sandy

And once they arrive, teams get the tenth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

“Who’s ready to take a fairy tale ride?”

In this roadblock, one team member must memorize the poem on the base of the statue. Then, the roadblocker picks a bike with a map on it and travels to Teatermuseet I Hofteatret. Teams then perform the poem for a period critic in order to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Ooo. Another "memorize this statement" task. And having the map on the bike wheel? That is pretty evil.” Kmanpat: “You know, that’s an Amazing Plaque. The quote is not always on the statue.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Cindy
2- Cathi – (Toyouke: “English teacher FTW! How hilarious would it have been if Cathi had already memorized the poem during her teaching career?”)
3- Tommy
4- Amani – who proceeds to get distracted by Marcus while memorizing. (Toyouke: “How is distracting your teammate now a good strategy?”)
5- Sandy

After much performing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Amani/Marcus
3- Bill/Cathi
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams are no instructed to drive themselves to Billund, Denmark to get their next clue in Legoland!

Teams arrive at Legoland in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Amani/Marcus
3- Bill/Cathi
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Amani/Marcus

Teams make their way to the Pirate Carousel, where they pick up a puzzle to put together. They must only assemble the puzzle on the ride while the ride is in motion. Once the puzzle is assembled correctly, teams will have their next destination displayed, Hamburg Hauptbahnhof.

Teams complete their puzzles in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Amani/Marcus
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Jeremy/Sandy – who lose pieces and have to get a new puzzle.
5- Bill/Cathi

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to Hamburg Hauptbahnhof to get their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Andy/Tommy – Tommy: “You know what they say about big maps – lots of places to go.”
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Bill/Cathi

Teams are now instructed to take the train to Brussels, Belgium and make their way to the European Parliament Building to get their next clue. Ernie and Cindy find out that the only train available goes through Cologne and leaves at 12:30 am. So they get tickets, and promptly lose them. They get on the train anyway, and somehow avoid getting arrested by both the Germans and the Belgians. (Toyouke: “No one checked for tickets. I call bullshit. That is just like Anya losing her money and suddenly they throw money at the contestants for no reason.” Auburnium0513: “At least they did pay for tickets.”)

Teams arrive in Brussels in the following order:

1- Bill/Cathi
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams take taxis to the Parliament Building and arrive in the following order:

1- Bill/Cathi
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams are now instructed to travel to Concert Noble and don speedos and tanning oil to compete in a body building competition. Teams need to learn a series of moves and score 12 points from a panel of 3 judges in order to get their next clue.

Teams arrive and get their clue in the following order:

1- Bill/Cathi – (Toyouke: “Cathi looks pretty good. Actually so does Bill.”)
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Ernie/Cindy – (Toyouke: “Ernie, no one in the audience is intimidated by your muscles or your bikini.” Kmanpat: “I’ll take one, please.”)
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Amani/Marcus

Teams complete the task in speedos in the following order:

1- Amani/Marcus
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams are now instructed to travel to Parc Elisabeth and find the gazebo, the PIT STOP of the ninth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Amani/Marcus – who win a trip for two to Panama.

And the leg is over . . . but leg 10 is beginning!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Amani/Marcus
2nd – Ernie/Cindy
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy
4th – Andy/Tommy
5th – Bill/Cathi

Next week: More racing in Belgium! There’s boating and test tracks. And trash talking. (Toyouke: “I do enjoy some good trash talking.”) And the Atomium!!!! Until next time!

Top Chef 11/16/11--"Quincianera" summary

2011-11-16T23:30:00.002-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: Finally everyone is in, two people from the bubble group got in, and we have our 16. Now we can get down to business. (click for more)

So I guess they’re not going to talk about the “Last Chance Kitchen” thing. Janine and Andrew competed to make pizza in 30 minutes. The winner of each week will survive, and compete against whoever gets eliminated the next week, up until the finale. Then they’ll get back into the competition. It also sounds like they won’t be telling any of the contestants that this is a thing. Tom is the lone judge and decision maker. Andrew made pizza without cheese, but with calamari and arugula, so he is the first winner.

Beverly has printed out a sheet declaring her victory, so she can look at it every day. All the chefs in the house seem to be in very good moods and very friendly. Chris Jones reminds us that he works with Richie at Moto.

For the Quickfire there is a big terrarium with snakes in it. Or maybe one snake? Anyway, there are smaller boxes around too. Padma claims to be testing their nerves of steel: cook a dish with rattlesnake. Guest judge is Johnny Hernandez, who owns some restaurants nearby and cooks wild game. He says that snake meat is delicate. Padma gives them one hour, and tells them their ingredients are in the boxes in front of them. You can see everyone decide that there are live snakes in the boxes. Winner gets immunity and $5,000. And then Padma says “When time is up, I’d better see some motherfucking snakes on some motherfucking plates”, which is awesome. She didn’t hesitate at all. Best reuse of that line I’ve seen.

Some brave people just open the boxes to discover the snakes are dead and skinned. Richie says they’re not a lot of meat on these snakes. Sarah wants to keep it simple. Dakota says she cooks weird stuff, but never snake before. Paul claims his pride is on the line because he’s from Texas, as if all these other people from Chicago or wherever don’t have pride.

Sarah: flash fried rattlesnake in a brown butter sauce. Beverly: rattlesnake nigiri with Thai basil aioli. Does that mean it’s raw? Chris C: rattlesnake nicoise with olive oil pudding and olive panko. Chris J: cumin breaded rattlesnake with bacon. Paul: BBQ rattlesnake with peaches, fried peanuts, and Southeast Asian spices. Dakota: beer-battered tempura rattlesnake. And zucchini almond gazpacho. Keith: sweet corn rattlesnake griddle cake with ancho mascarpone, and beer-battered rattlesnake crudite with tequila poblano queso fondue. Nyesha: rattlesnake braised with tequila, citrus, and jalapeno. Chuy: adobo seasoned rattlesnake with pasilla balsamic BBQ sauce. Richie: grilled jerk-seasoned rattlesnake with roasted corn.

Johnny says that Paul’s dish lost the rattlesnake, and so did Richie’s dish. Too overpowering. Nyesha overcooked her snake. Beverly did cook her snake, apparently, and did an excellent job. Dakota’s fried snake was “a good nod to Texas”. Sarah’s seasoning showcased the snake. The winner is Dakota. She’s very thrilled.

Everyone has to draw knives. There is a Team Pink and a Team Green. Tomorrow there is a “very important event” they must cook for, and someone from the losing team will be going home. Their client is Blanca Flores, who is having her quincianera tomorrow. Oo. That is a big party for 15 year old girls in Hispanic culture. Like a Sweet 16. So they’ll have to feed the party and make a cake too. I’m not sure why there are two teams. But we’ll go with it.

30 minutes to plan menus. Blanca doesn’t eat spicy food, but she likes the flavors. As they are asking her what she likes, someone throws in “Do you like boys?” Heh. Heather reveals she has pastry chef experience. She tried to do it for a while but she was bored. Chuy brags that he can cook goat, which is good because Blanca seems to like it. Lindsay used to live in Mexico, so she’s thrilled.

Ah…of course there is a Whole Foods. However they also send people to a Mexican market. Beverly tells the Whole Foods contingent to get her jars of kim chee, “the brand with the Korean lady on the front”. As she is telling them this over the phone, she is gesturing to her face as if they can see her. I’d make fun of her but I have totally waved my hands around while on the phone before. Neither team seems to have a big plan. Keith says he is buying pre-cooked shrimp, so you know that’s going to turn out poorly. Dakota is following a recipe on a box to make the cake. Beverly is at the Mexican store yelling to the whole store that it is very important she get a butcher, right now, and sorry if you had something to do, but she is important. Sigh. I think Ty-Lor is buying pre-made tortillas. Like, shelf stable.

3 hours to prep today. The Pink team menu: pork tenderloin huarache (Keith and Lindsay), ceviche (Nyesha), choclo con chile (Chris C.), carne asada (Ty-Lor), green chile pozole (Whitney), enchilada en salsa verde (Keith), cochinita pibil (Lindsay and Sarah), hibiscus-yogurt pound cake (Dakota). Really computer? You don’t recognize chile but you recognize huarache? Whatever. A huarache is like an open-faced tamale. Choclo is a type of corn, and pozole is stew with hominy. Cochinita pibil is slow-roasted pork marinated in citrus and then roasted in a banana leaf. It sounds fantastic. Lindsay goes to make court bouillon from the shrimp, only you can’t do that if the shrimp are already cooked. Chris C. throws Keith under the bus and Lindsay freaks out. Sarah freaks out too. The two girls (or maybe just Lindsay) decide not to make shrimp at all, and Keith recalls that he told everyone at the counter that he was getting cooked shrimp, and we have a flashback to the footage of Chris C. saying “yeah, whatever” in response. Ass. Don’t approve of things and then later pretend like you don’t have any blame. Lindsay bitches that now she doesn’t have a dish, which makes no sense to me because her two dishes are pork?

Green team menu: shrimp yuzu ceviche (Paul), pork chicarron (Richie), chicken mole (Grayson), tomatillo gazpacho (Edward), green chile empanadas (Chris J.), beef short rib asada (?) with kim chee (?) (Beverly), braised goat birria (Chuy), vanilla tres leches cake (Heather). Chicarron is pork skin, or pork rinds, mole is delicious enough that I will put up with horrible service at this one restaurant because they have the best mole, birria is meat stew. Chuy, as a Mexican, has declared himself the expert, and says everyone is coming to him to double check all the dishes because he knows how it should all taste. Heather is kind of freaking out about her cake, because she thinks she’ll go home if she screws up.

At the house, the teams discuss plans and plating. Keith is trying to talk about his plating? And all of a sudden decides that they should be a team and not have one person make all the decisions, and he says he’s just trying to get feedback. I’m not sure where all of that came from. I mean, he was asking for opinions, so maybe he thought Sarah was telling him what to do.

2.5 hours to finish everything today before the party. Chuy declares his victory. Nyesha fills us in on her group’s dynamics. Lindsay will ask Keith something, he’ll respond, and she’ll then go running to Sarah to tell her, as if Sarah is the boss. Nyesha says there is tension between all three of them, and that the girls are trying to run everything in their group. Heather’s cake is leaning because it’s too hot in the kitchen. Why isn’t she out in the dining room? It really is leaning. Chris J. jumps in to help Richie plate. Dakota leaves the kitchen with her cake, which is three square layers in neon colors. Chuy tells us that HE has everything on his team’s line all set up. Not “we are set”. Instead, “I have everything set”. Sigh.

When Blanca gets there, Padma is very sweet and introduces her to all the other judges and greets her parents. I know it’s not anything bizarre, it’s just very cute, and she’s at ease, like there aren’t cameras everywhere and like she actually knows this girl.

Pass around appetizers. Ty-Lor: fire roasted “summer fritter” with avocado mousse. Fritters should not be served in Chinese soup spoons. It’s dry and the avocado is just kind of there. Richie’s chicarron has tapioca and pork carnitas. The pork has made the chicarron soggy. But some guest likes it. The huarache from Keith and Lindsay is too big of a bite for one mouthful, but it doesn’t bite cleanly. Paul’s ceviche was clean.

I notice Blanca is walking around holding up her skirt and I feel for her. Nyesha’s ceviche is made of tilapia and has spiced popcorn? OK. Chris C. flirts a little bit, which I would do if I was as cute as he was. Keith’s enchiladas have chicken, mushrooms, and spinach. This team is also the team that did not make their own tortillas. The girls seem to remove Keith from the line and make him go do sous chef stuff in the back. The ceviche is mealy, the enchiladas should have corn tortillas but taste OK, the cochinita falls apart and everyone complains about the store-bought tortillas. Ty-Lor did well, as did Chris C. So the corn salsa and carne asada were about the only things that turned out well.

Green team is up. The birria includes steamed cabbage, because Blanca said she enjoyed steamed cabbage. Beverly’s short ribs do include some Mexican flavors. She says it’s Korean-Mexican fusion, and Tom says it sounds like a food truck. HA! St. Louis HAS a Korean-Mexican fusion food truck. Called Seoul Taco. Their food looks good. This team didn’t make their own tortillas either so I guess everyone gets out of trouble for that. They like most of the dishes, except the cabbage, and Hugh whines about the chicarron that came with the gazpacho. However this team grilled their tortillas so it’s nice. Grayson screwed up her mole with too much cinnamon and mushy chicken.

Cake time. Dakota’s cake is pretty garish, but she says Blanca asked for these colors, and for the flavors inside. The bright pink and blue and green are accented by purple calla lilies and tall colored candles. Heather’s cake…oh, Heather. They covered it completely with white flowers, so all you can see is flowers. But it’s melted, so it’s just a lopsided blob. A lopsided blob of flowers with two sad, straggly strands of ivy. It is a Cake Wreck. Dakota’s cake has too much frosting but the inside is good. Surprisingly the tres leches is really good, less sweet and there are some strawberries from somewhere. Blanca has her dance with her dad, and Beverly gets choked up because she makes it sound like her dad thinks less of her because she’s a girl. Tom calls everyone over and tells them that the Green team wins. Obviously.

Commercial interlude: the Stew Room is very full. Sarah is trying to ask her team if they thought anyone didn’t pull their weight. Keith shuts her down and says they all agreed on who was going to do what and everyone did their tasks. Sarah is worried because since she “took a leadership role” and knows she should go down with the ship.

Padma only calls out Ty-Lor, Sarah, Lindsay, and Keith. Weird, they said Ty-Lor did well. Tom says overall they did a good job, but the other team just did better, including the cake, but Dakota had immunity so she’s not there. Sarah blames their problems on not using their menu planning time wisely, and Lindsay cuts in to say they should have picked a leader then. Hugh rolls his eyes, basically, and says they can all lead. Sarah says there wasn’t a menu, but then starts listing off dishes and who was going to make what, which sounds suspiciously like a menu. She forgets to leave the shrimp out of her list, so of course the judges are like “we didn’t have shrimp” and Keith owns up to his purchase. He says he was thinking about price and labor and he was thinking under pressure. Tom asks if he was alone, and he says no, the team was there. Hugh tells Keith that if he was on that team, he’d bitch at Keith too. The “summer fritter” was in place of the shrimp, but it wasn’t very good. Ty-Lor says they gave him half an hour to come up with an appetizer. Half an hour? Why so short? Didn’t they discover the shrimp early on in the first day? Tom says that wouldn’t cause the fritter to be dry, and Ty-Lor agrees that was a cooking failure. You guys, I know why Ty-Lor’s here. He’s going home. Think about it; all the drama has been with the other three, and then suddenly Ty-Lor’s screwed up so badly he’s in the bottom? The cochinita, a Lindsay-Sarah joint venture, had crappy tortillas. Keith says he always has flour tortillas in his enchiladas where he’s from, and Johnny explains how the flour tortilla soaks up the sauce and gets doughy. All of a sudden Sarah is saying she’s from Texas and she would never make enchiladas with flour tortillas. Padma asks if she told Keith that, and she admits she didn’t, because she’s not here to boss everyone around. Please. Keith basically tells her she LOVES to boss people around and if she had an opinion, she should have said it. “You love driving the bus, hitting people”. Nice. Keith then reveals that they had a whole giant pile of corn tortillas he could have used, but no one said a word to him about it. He then reminds the girls they were supposed to be a team. Sarah tries to blame him and say he didn’t talk to anyone during prep, which makes no sense at all. I watched Sarah and Lindsay tell Keith what to do numerous times, or at least listen to him and agree. Keith tells Tom he would have used corn tortillas if they had told him, and they kick everyone out to make their decision.

Lindsay tells Dakota she would have been there if she wasn’t immune. Padma thinks everyone should go home for one reason or another. Tom lists the contestants’ credentials, although I‘m not sure why since they‘re supposed to only judge this one challenge. Hugh wanted a leader, and they all wasted time the team could have used to make things better. The enchiladas weren’t refined, and while Padma tries to defend Keith’s tortillas, Hugh says that if he needs to be told not to buy frozen pre-cooked shrimp there’s a problem. Sarah and Lindsay’s pork didn’t work out at all. The spices were lacking, and Lindsay lived in Mexico and should know better. They bitch about the fritter, and I still would like an explanation of why he only had half an hour to come up with something when even if they discovered the shrimp at the very end of the first day, Ty-Lor would still have 2.5 hours on the second day to come up with something.

Tom says that there was no leadership, Sarah should have said something about the tortillas and the cochinita was poor, Lindsay should know better, Ty-Lor had a dry fritter, Keith’s enchilada was still not good. Keith is sent home. Or to “Last Chance Kitchen”, I guess. He says to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. Chris J. is sad to see him go, while Lindsay pretends to be sorry he’s gone. Keith says dreams do come true.

Next week: chili cook-off of some kind. I’ll be out of town, so I’ll get it posted when I can. Sorry.

Last Chance Kitchen: Keith goes to pack up his stuff, and finds a letter in his luggage explaining what is going on. It’s the mise en place relay race! 10 minutes to prep as many of the 6 ingredients as you can, and then make a dish. I think that 10 minutes was to both prep and cook. There are onions, lemons, clams, peppers. I’m not sure what else. They both steamed clams, Andrew with pepperonata, and Keith with lemon and sofrito and with ceviche too. Keith made the best clams so he will continue on.

TAR19, Recap Leg 8, 11/13/11

2011-11-14T21:55:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on Malawi Makes Me Want to Scream, teams raced across the little country. Amani and Marcus completed a speed bump, Justin and Jennifer stumbled out a t a roadblock, and Ernie and Cindy intelligently use the Express Pass to finish first, but idiotically don’t use the U-Turn, which causes Andy and Tommy to finish first. AGAIN. And Justin and Jennifer are eliminated. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
2nd – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
3rd – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents
4th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football
5th – Laurence/Zac, The Adventurers
6th – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout

Sunbird Livingstonia Beach, Senga Bay, Salima, Malawi

3:12 PM Andy/Tommy (1st)

Clue: In an Amazing Race first, fly 5000 miles to Copenhagen, Denmark! Once there, choose a Ford Focus and drive selves to the Vor Frelsirs Kirke and climb to the top to get your next clue. You may use the provided flight to Copenhagen, or you may search for a better option. CAUTION: Double U-Turn Ahead!

(Toyouke: “Really? They haven't been to Copenhagen yet?” Auburnium0513: “Gee, I wonder what the prizes are going to be for this leg of the race...could it be Ford Focuses?” Kmanpat: “I think the plural is Ford Foci. . .”)

3:13 PM Ernie/Cindy (2nd)
3:26 PM Bill/Cathi (3rd)
3:34 PM Amani/Marcus (4th)
3:36 PM Laurence/Zac (5th) – and Zac mispronounces the name of the city they are flying to. (Toyouke: “Zac. Seriously. Copenhagen.”)
3:42 PM Jeremy/Sandy (6th)

Teams arrive at Lilongwe Airport in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Bill/Cathi
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Jeremy/Sandy

So, at the airport, Laurence and Zac find a flight to London and think they can get to Copenhagen quicker from there. Of course, Laurence is all shady and mysterious when Ernie and Cindy ask them what they are doing. And Cindy gets irritated. (Toyouke: “I'm not sure what is happening here. Did Laurence and Zac only book to London? Why won't Cindy just stick around and do her own research? Of COURSE they're getting a better flight. Or you could at least double check that! Don't whine that they're shady.”) Everyone else flies to Amsterdam and vies for flights there. When it all shakes down, this is what ends up happening:

Flight 1: Lilongwe to Nairobi to London to Copenhagen via Virgin Atlantic
1) Laurence/ Zac

Flight 2: Lilongwe to Nairobi to Amsterdam to Copenhagen via Cimber Air
1) Andy/Tommy
2) Jeremy/Sandy

Flight 3: Lilongwe to Nairobi to Amsterdam to Copenhagen via Norwegian Air
1) Ernie/Cindy
2) Bill/Cathi

Flight 4: Lilongwe to Nairobi to Amsterdam to Copenhagen via SAS
1) Amani/Marcus – who are the only lazy folk that take the flight handed to them by the producers. (Toyouke: “You assumed everyone would just take the flight they were given? Do you WATCH this show?”)

Teams arrive in Copenhagen in the following order:

1- Laurence/Zac
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Ernie/Cindy
5- Bill/Cathi
6- Amani/Marcus

Teams then travel in their Ford Foci and arrive at the Vor Frelsirs Kirke in the following order:

1- Laurence/Zac
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Bill/Cathi
6- Amani/Marcus

However, teams arrive and hit Hours of Operation. So, when the bell tower opens at 7:30 AM, teams rush to the top. In order to get their next clue, teams must find two flags, the one on the tower that reads “Borg Slot” and the one on a nearby building that reads “Frederiks” to put together their next destination, Frederiksborg Slot. (Toyouke: “Haha, "Borg Slot". I'm a nerd.” Auburnium0513: ”I didn't realize that the Borg played slot machines!”)

Teams get the clue in the following order:

1- Bill/Cathi
2- Laurence/Zac
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Jeremy/Sandy – who actually screw up the clue and have to go back to the top.
6- Amani/Marcus – (Toyouke: “Hmm. So...if you waited for the flight the producers gave you, you get there after the place opens.”)

Teams drive in their Ford Foci to the castle and arrive in the following order:

1- Laurence/Zac
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Bill/Cathi
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the ninth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

“Who’s ready to take a few steps back in time?”

In this roadblock, one team member must don period clothing and learn a three part dance routine. Once it is performed perfectly, the duchess will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Phil! The least you could do is dress in period costume!”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Ernie – (Kmanpat: “He’s hot, I want one.”)
2- Zac – Laurence: “He’s a 19 year old boy, he doesn’t know how to dance.” (Kmanpat: “Oh, honey, he’s just not my kind of 19 year old.” Auburnium0513: “It's hard for him to learn because he doesn't WANT to learn.”)
3- Cathi – (Auburnium0513: “Cathi looks so in place in that garb!”)
4- Andy
5- Sandy
6- Amani

After much dancing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Amani/Marcus

(Auburnium0513: “See, the problem I'd have is I'd want to keep the costume.” Kmanpat: “And I wanted them to get the other teammate dressed up and have to complete the rest of the leg in costume.”)

Teams must now drive themselves to the Freelandmuseet and scour the grounds to get their next clue. (Toyouke: “They have to search the grounds for a postbox? That sounds pretty hard. You know what would make that easier? A PROPER CLUE BOX.”)

Teams arrive and get their clue in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus – who got lost again heading to the next clue. (Toyouke: “OK, pulling over on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, to hope someone will stop and give you directions, is pretty stupid. Although I guess you already assumed everyone else would just waste the whole evening without looking for a better flight. So maybe that's not the stupidest thing you've done today.”)
6- Jeremy/Sandy – who also get lost due to Sandy’s bad directions. (Toyouke: “Yes, why didn't Sandy know what direction to go? And why isn't she explaining herself? As much as I hate stupid fights and pointless drama, I kind of think Jeremy and Sandy should scream at each other instead of Jeremy seething in the front seat and Sandy being (acting) oblivious.”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
All Hopped Up OR All Churned Out
*All Hopped Up: Teams are required to lay out a proper rabbit steeplechase (Kaninhop in Danish) course, then both team members had to pick a rabbit and each run it through the course. Once complete, the animal handler would give them their next clue.
*All Churned Out: Teams use a traditional butter churn to churn cream into butter and use a press to create six sticks of butter. Once approved by the milkmaid, teams will get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “OK, OK, Phil with the bunny does make up for him not wearing tights before. Mostly.”)

1- Ernie/Cindy choose All Churned Out
2- Bill/Cathi choose All Churned Out
3- Andy/Tommy choose All Churned Out
4- Laurence/Zac choose All Churned Out
5- Amani/Marcus choose All Hopped Up – Marcus: “Go bunny! You can do it!” (Toyouke: “Marcus cheering on the rabbit is probably the funniest thing today.”)
6- Jeremy/Sandy choose All Churned Out

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams are now instructed to travel on foot to Karlstrup Windmill.

CAUTION: DOUBLE U-TURN AHEAD

This is a Double U-Turn. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is doubled, meaning two teams may U-Turn two other teams. This is the second double U-Turn of the Race.

1-Ernie/Cindy choose to U-Turn Bill/Cathi
2-Bill/Cathi have been U-Turned and choose to U-Turn Laurence/Zac – (Toyouke: “Interesting. "We've been U-Turned so let's make sure someone behind us is also screwed because then we'll have an advantage compared to SOMEONE.")
3-Andy/Tommy cannot U-Turn
4-Laurence/Zac have been U-Turned – and Laurence is upset about it. (Toyouke: “Oh, whatever, Laurence. You tried to U-Turn people yesterday.”)
5- Amani/Marcus cannot U-Turn
6- Jeremy/Sandy cannot U-Turn

So, teams continue through the U-Turn as necessary, and complete additional tasks, which causes teams to leave the U-Turn officially in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy – Cindy: “I had to U-turn someone to win the million dollars!” (Toyouke: “But you're not going to win a million dollars on THIS leg, CINDY. See, if Ernie and Cindy had U-Turned the snowboarders last episode, they could have won and not completely wasted the Express Pass.”)
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Laurence/Zac
6- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves back to Copenhagen and find Havet Ship, the PIT STOP of the eighth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Ernie/Cindy – who win a trip for two to Fiji. (Toyouke: “I kind of wish Ernie and Cindy ended up in second place. But I'm kind of a bitch like that.”)
2- Bill/Cathi – (Toyouke: “So...how did Bill and Cathi beat the boys in to the mat? Or did they let them win when they wouldn't let Ernie and Cindy beat them? Who knows?”)
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Laurence/Zac

And Laurence and Zac are eliminated. Finally. Hot boy is nice, the ridiculous stupidity is not. And Laurence was starting to grate on me. However, they say it was a good experience. (Toyouke: “Oh, don't try to spin your loss with your dumb statements of "I don't need money to be happy." You're both idiots and with the number of dumbass mistakes you've made you should have been out 5 legs ago.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Ernie/Cindy
2nd – Bill/Cathi
3rd – Andy/Tommy
4th – Amani/Marcus
5th –Jeremy/Sandy

Next week: Away to Belgium! There’s acting! And Disney World-style teacups. And. . . bodybuilding?!?!? Until next time!

Top Chef 11/9/11--"The Heat Is On" summary

2011-11-10T00:24:00.001-06:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: While it seemed the show had become some weird amalgam of “Masterchef” and “Top Chef: Masters”, in reality this was not the case. Having small groups compete means that Tom can do things like kick people out before they’ve even had the chance to make any food. Just because they can’t butcher! Fail to clean your plates? Out! Forget the main ingredient? Out! It was pretty awesome. Sadly, we picked out 11 of the 16 finalists, leaving just 5 spots both for the final group of 10 and the 4 people in the “bubble” group. (click for more)

The bubble group discusses what they might have to do to get onto the show. Grayson (poor tenderloin girl from last week) and Edward (Asian) get to talk to us.

Group Three is greeted by Hugh Acheson. Sigh. I just don’t see how he’s qualified to do anything, aside from having been on the show before and being able to be a jerk. At least Tony Bourdain was funny while being a jerk. Chaz tells us he’s had a crush on Padma since middle school. Introduction time. Everyone brags on themselves, except for Chaz says he was nominated by his mom as one of her two favorite sons. Hee. Beverly says she is the breadwinner at home so she’s not wasting this opportunity. We’ll see.

This team gets a weird combination of the previous challenges, with a twist. There are ten different ingredients on the table, and each chef will pick one to cook with. The ingredients are things like octopus, Brussels sprouts, risotto, mushrooms…I‘m not sure of the theme. There is also a dome on each tray, and Padma says that when they get their tray, don’t touch anything. Paul says he knows that probably means they’ll be trading. Eventually they divvy everything up. Under each dome is a timer. Some people get a whole hour, while some get twenty minutes. They don’t show who gets what, though, so I’m not sure if they screwed people over on purpose. But I’m pretty sure you can cook risotto in 40 minutes, CHAZ.

Paul is making grilled trout with his 20 minutes. He owns trailers that serve as food trucks, which I approve of. Andrew tries to clean mushrooms and roast them but he’s really short on time. Ashley has an hour to make oxtail. So it looks like they did plan the times, in that the longer times were given to things like oxtail that take longer. But at the same time, one hour is not really enough time to slow cook things. Laurent, the lone Frenchman, is making duck with yuzu lemon curd. Beverly serves octopus regularly but it comes into her restaurant already cooked. One girl is avoiding Tom because she doesn’t have time to talk to him. Flailing ensues.

20 minute group up first. Kim: pan seared lamb chop with kalamata olives and arugula. Andrew: roasted mushrooms with brown butter vinaigrette, crispy spinach, and poached egg. Paul: grilled trout with Southeast Asian tomato salad. Paul is through because his dish was the best of the three, well seasoned and precise. Kim’s lamb was greasy and overcooked so she is out. Andrew knows that he could do better, and they seem to agree. His dish was messy but the mushrooms were well roasted so they put him on the bubble. He’s glad for a second chance, but he’s not terribly pleased to find four people already in the Stew Room.

Chaz is still freaking out about the risotto and is begging it to cook. Jonathan (who I hope sticks around purely for shallow reasons) is not used to the time limit. Laurent says the oven wasn’t hot enough for his duck. Chaz tries to wait as long as possible before plating, but this backfires as he barely gets over to his station with the pan of risotto when the timer goes off.

To his credit, Chaz knows he is the only one to blame, so he quietly accepts his dismissal. But he drags it out with a weird discussion about Padma breaking up with him. Bernice: Asian style short rib with cabbage slaw. Laurent: duck with lemon yuzu curd and arugula. Jonathan: Brussels sprouts with tomato sofrito and hazelnut gremolata. Sadly Jonathan did not cook his sprouts properly and we won‘t be seeing him anymore. Aww. He was good eye candy. Laurent’s plate didn’t make sense and had too many things. Hugh wants to put him on the bubble, but Tom wants to kick him out. Padma thinks he has potential, so Laurent makes the bubble group. Bernice’s short ribs are not good enough for a spot (even though Tom says he knows her work and who she cooks for, but he can only judge her on this dish).

So did they seed the teams? Put all the good people on the first couple of teams? Because they’re being much harsher with this group. Ashley can’t get the lid off her pressure cooker to check her oxtails. That would be because it’s hissing steam because it’s still under pressure. It’s probably a failsafe. Lindsay helps her with the pressure cooker, because she trusts the quality of her food. After all that, the oxtail is not tender enough.

Ashley: braised oxtail “kare-kare”, which is a Filipino dish. Lindsay: braised veal, creamy polenta and warm salad. Beverly: Korean style octopus ”nakji bokum”. Lindsay’s veal is delicious and has a lot going on, so she’s in. Ashley didn’t cook her oxtail properly, so even though Padma wants to put her on the bubble, the boys want her to go. Beverly isn’t really familiar with cooking octopus, but her crazy risk paid off and she is in.

Everyone who is in goes to the house and meets everyone. Lindsay recognizes people and is intimidated. The Stew Room is bored and Edward is kind of a jerk to Molly because she cooks on a cruise ship. He also tells them there’s probably only one spot for the six of them. He tells us in confessional that if they leave him there long enough, he’ll kill the other five people. It’s a voiceover over a shot of him sitting with his arms crossed looking intimidating and slightly crazy.

Padma finally comes to get everyone out of the Stew Room. I’m not sure where Gail is, but everyone else is here. Padma reminds those of us who have lost count (like me) that two spots are left. This challenge is simple: use anything in the kitchen to make a dish that proves to us you should be here. You have 45 minutes.

It looks like everyone listened to what the judges said and they are prepared to address it. Grayson has been working in restaurants since she was 15. Janine tells us she’s newly single, as her girlfriend waited for a month after their commitment ceremony to tell Janine she didn’t like her vows. Then she broke up over the phone after 9 years of being together. That is horrible.

You guys, I watched a special with the Voltaggio brothers making Thanksgiving. It was like, non-stop hot boys and delicious food for a whole hour. Of course, Michael had to sous vide his turkey for some reason, but then he made sticky toffee pudding with braised pineapple so who cares about the turkey anyway.

Commercial interlude: everyone picks out their beds. For some reason Keith (the large gentleman from last week) is stuck in the room that only has bunk beds. I’m not sure why that happened.

All of a sudden Edward is slicing something and he cuts open his finger pretty badly. It‘s hard to see what he did exactly, but he is like, pumping blood. He was just going to put a glove on, but he’s bleeding so badly the medic has to bandage him up. Edward goes through a litany of the things he would cut off in order to be on this show. Everyone frantically works and talks about how badly they want one of those two spots. Molly kind of forgets about her shrimp, and while she does get them on the plate, she’s afraid they’re overcooked.

Edward: duck with BBQ sauce and sweet Asian custard. Molly: jumbo stuffed prawn, mousseline of shrimp with soy glazed watermelon and rice. Janine: seared scallop with baby clams, bacon, corn and watermelon garnish. Grayson: creamy polenta with bacon wrapped shrimp and port wine fig sauce. Laurent: scallop two ways, tartare and seared on a bed of fennel with saffron. Andrew: mussels with sherry, fregula, charred corn panna cotta and shrimp. Fregula is a type of pasta. Janine says she simplified, but Hugh wanted more watermelon. Emeril likes how it turned out. Molly’s shrimp was overcooked, and she seems to have fallen short. Edward’s dish gains praise for presentation and flavor. Grayson can’t explain why she wrapped her shrimp in bacon, so Tom gives her some crap before saying it turned out well. Andrew’s charred corn panna cotta is weird and maybe he should have stopped before making that part. For real, dude, panna cotta is the kiss of death on this show. Laurent’s tartare is gray. Ew. Good concept though.

Molly’s dish was bland in addition to having overcooked shrimp. Laurent’s tartare was not great, plus when you put a cold dish and a hot dish on the same plate, the plate temperature is wrong for one of them. Edward had a great dish but overcooked the duck a little bit. Andrew should have stopped with the mussels. Grayson’s dish was pretty good, as was Janine. But they both had slight problems.

Molly is out. Laurent is out. Edward is in. He’s pretty psyched. The last three get commentary as a group, with their pluses and minuses. Andrew is out. Grayson is in. I wondered if they’d give her another chance after stupid Tyler.

Grayson and Edward finally get to go to the house and greet everyone. They both talk about feeling like the underdogs.

This season: Pee Wee Herman, Padma says “I better see some motherfucking snakes on some motherfucking plates” (awesome!), people cooking in a field, drama. And then Tom comes in to the Stew Room and says it’s not over because apparently Top Chef has decided to copy SURVIVOR and have a fucking REDEMPTION ISLAND. Eliminated chefs can compete and maybe get back into the competition. The only good thing is that these clips are only online, so I don’t have to watch them. But seriously people. When you’re out, you’re out. Done.

TAR19, Recap Leg 7, 11/6/11

2011-11-07T22:25:00.003-06:00

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Take Lilongwe Home, teams raced from Thailand to Malawi. Marcus struggled moving tobacco, and in a race to the pit stop, Justin and Jennifer forget to pay their driver which causes the snowboarders to once again win by default. Amani and Marcus, however, are not eliminated. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
2nd – Justin/Jennifer, Team Patience
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
4th – Laurence/Zac, The Adventurers
5th – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
6th – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents
7th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football

Kumbali Village, Malawi

As the teams check in, they find that they each have huts to put the beds in, and can shack up for the night with mattresses and mosquito netting.

5:28 AM Andy/Tommy (1st) – Tommy: “We keep getting Phil’s classic, ‘However. . .’” (Toyouke: “It is not the "Classic However..." It's just that everyone else is stupid.”)

Clue: Travel by bus to Salima, Malawi. Once there, find the next clue from someone at the bud terminal. You have $1 for this leg of the race. CAUTION: Double U-Turn Ahead!

(Toyouke: “Stupid Double U-Turn. But ha ha! $1 leg!”)

5:39 AM Justin/Jennifer (2nd) – and Justin discusses how he came out to his sister. Well, that was unexpected. (Toyouke: “Justin is gay. Who knew?”)
5:40 AM Jeremy/Sandy (3rd)
5:41 AM Laurence/Zac (4th)
5:44 AM Ernie/Cindy (5th) – who talk about their need to use the express pass, as it expires at the end of the next leg. And are annoyed with their lodging. (Auburnium0513: "Go on, bitch some more, see what happens!")
5:47 AM Bill/Cathi (6th)
6:07 AM Amani/Marcus (7th)

Teams arrive at Lilongwe Bus Terminal in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Laurence/Zac
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Amani/Marcus

Amani and Marcus arrive for the 7 am bus only to have to finagle their way on. (Toyouke: “Did Amani and Marcus just cut in front of all those people to get on the bus? That's not OK.”) They make it, and everyone takes the bus to Salima.

Once there, teams depart in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Laurence/Zac
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Justin/Jennifer
5- Bill/Cathi
6- Jeremy/Sandy
7- Amani/Marcus

However, once they arrive, Amani and Marcus find the Speed Bump. (Toyouke: “They gave the Speed Bump sign to some guy to carry around. Genius.”)

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this speed bump, teams must solve a slider puzzle that reveals the design of the new Malawian flag. Once complete, teams can move on to the next task.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Amani/Marcus

After much sliding, they continue with the rest of the teams to the next task in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Laurence/Zac
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Justin/Jennifer
5- Bill/Cathi
6- Jeremy/Sandy
7- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the eighth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

*No Question Given*

In this roadblock, one team member must drive a kibaza, or bicycle taxi, and a customer to deliver fish to one of there addresses in Salima. Once they receive 100 Kwasha for their fish, Roadblockers return to the start and give their money to the dispatcher to get their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Andy – whose bike pedal falls off, and he proceeds to fix it. (Toyouke: “Andy seems pretty resourceful and cool under pressure.”)
2- Laurence – “This is like finding a hair on an elephant’s butt.” (Toyouke: “I believe that's a new one.”)
3- Cindy – who complains that English is Malawi’s official language, but no one speaks it. (Toyouke: “Cindy, you are approaching Ugly American. Best be quiet.”)
4- Jennifer – who leaves her clue with her brother. And then proceeds to hang out in rural Malawi. Oops. (Auburnium0513: “DO SOMETHING!! I don't know what to do, so I'm going to do nothing!”)
5- Cathi
6- Sandy
7- Marcus – “I’m zooming!” (Auburnium0513: “Just don't break your bike like the other guy.”)

After much fish delivering, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Bill/Cathi
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Justin/Jennifer

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Dugout OR Lugout
*Dugout: Teams travel to Chingumukile Village on Lake Malawi and participate in the Malawi Dugout Canoe Race. Teams paddle a canoe out to a boat full of drummers and back in order to get their next clue.
*Lugout: Teams travel to Chingumukile Village on Lake Malawi and choose a ferry to unload, including two boxes of cabbage, two bundles of sugar cane, two bundles of brooms, a chair, a fan, and eight passengers who would prefer not to get wet. Once done, teams will get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “This Detour seemed really really evil, and then I remembered that two teams will have to do both evil options. They did that on purpose.” Auburnium0513: “I want to see someone capsize in the canoes.”)

1- Ernie/Cindy choose Dugout – and then decide it’s too hard and that they could beat Andy and Tommy by using the Express Pass. (Toyouke: “I think they're doing it to keep the lead, so no one will U-Turn them, which is just as good of a reason as "staying out of last".”)
2- Andy/Tommy choose Dugout
3- Bill/Cathy choose Dugout
4- Jeremy/Sandy choose Dugout
5- Laurence/Zac choose Dugout
6- Amani/Marcus choose Lugout – and do it the way I would expect: Amani carries stuff, Marcus carries people. (Auburnium0513: “That's smart, having him do the people and her doing the stuff.”)
7- Justin/Jennifer choose Dugout

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Bill/Cathi
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Jeremy/Sandy
7- Justin/Jennifer

(Toyouke: “So...the snowboarders and Bill and Cathi have no trouble with the boats, but the dating couples find it impossible. And Laurence and Zac have trouble too. Weird.”)

Teams are now instructed to find Jamaica Shop in Chingumukile Village.

CAUTION: DOUBLE U-TURN AHEAD

This is a Double U-Turn. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is doubled, meaning two teams may U-Turn two other teams. This is the first double U-Turn of the Race.

(Toyouke: “Oh, is that why you don't have clue boxes? Because you wasted all your damn money on touchscreens for the stupid Double U-Turn sign? GAAHHH *fistshaking*”)

1-Ernie/Cindy choose not to U-Turn – which, in my opinion, is stupid considering Andy and Tommy are RIGHT BEHIND THEM. (Auburnium0513: “I also think Ernie and Cindy should have U-Turned the snowboarders.”)
2-Andy/Tommy choose not to U-Turn
3-Bill/Cathi choose not to U-Turn
4-Amani/Marcus choose not to U-Turn
5- Laurence/Zac choose to U-Turn Amani/Marcus – which is pointless, like all their other stupid moves, because Amani and Marcus got ahead of them. (Toyouke: “Didn't Amani and Marcus just leave? Didn't you just WALK PAST THEM? I don't understand how people can be this ignorant of racing.”)
6- Jeremy/Sandy choose not to U-Turn
7- Justin/Jennifer Bill/Cathi choose not to U-Turn

Teams are now instructed to travel by foot to Sunbird Livingstonia Beach, the PIT STOP of the seventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Andy/Tommy – who win $15000 in Discover gift cards. This is because they won a foot race against . . .
2- Ernie/Cindy – (Toyouke: “True, if you would read the clues and make good decisions, you could be first. For example, if you had made the decision to U-Turn the snowboarders.”)
3- Bill/Cathi
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Laurence/Zac – (Auburnium0513: “team number 5 AFTER the team you tried to U-Turn.”)
6- Jeremy/Sandy
7- Justin/Jennifer

And Justin and Jennifer are eliminated. Jennifer admits her mistake. I started liking them.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Andy/Tommy
2nd – Ernie/Cindy
3rd – Bill/Cathi
4th – Amani/Marcus
5th – Laurence/Zac
6th – Jeremy/Sandy

Next week: To Denmark we go! We have Rabbit Steeple Chasing. And another Double U-Turn! (Toyouke: “ANOTHER FUCKING U-TURN. I was so entertained by rabbits running an obstacle course and now I am agitated.” Auburnium0513: “I am looking forward to next week now! Trained rabbits and period costumes? That would so be for me!!”) Until next time!

Top Chef 11/2/11--"Everything's Bigger in Texas" summary

2011-11-02T23:01:00.002-05:00

Previously on “Top Chef”: It feels like forever since we’ve had a regular season of plain ol’ Top Chef, doesn’t it? Between All-Stars and Desserts, I mean. Not that I’m complaining, because All-Stars was a very good season. Did you know Spike thought he could compete on “The Next Iron Chef” on a season subtitled “Super Chefs”? Against people like Marcus Samuelsson and Anne Burrell? He was able to pick pairs based on the luck of the draw, placed himself with Marcus, and promptly lost, forcing him to cook head-to-head against Marcus. Spike never had a chance. In other news, 29 contestants, WTF? (click for more)

So I thought I should go to the website and look at bios, and also so I could have a reference. But not one contestant bio is listed. We begin with Padma talking about how successful Top Chef winners are, and then she says that contestants must qualify to be one of 16 “finalists” or whatever. So we’ll have groups and then some people qualify from the groups? And THEN the show starts? Why did you take the one part of Masters that everyone hated and jam it onto this show? Hugh Acheson and Emeril are judges this season. Now I have to watch this randomness full of people I won’t see again after this week. Why are all my reality shows changing formats and making themselves worse?

Padma waits for everyone at the Alamo. Chris gets the first sound bite of the season and he wastes it drooling over Padma. Chaz knows something’s up based on how many contestants are standing there with him. Boo, there’s more than one Chris. Oh well. Tyler Stone made his casting video like James Bond. He irritates me on sight. I don’t know. There will be three groups, each group will compete in one challenge. If you excel in your test, you can earn your place in the house.

Everyone goes to the Top Chef kitchen. I think it’s everyone. No, it’s only one group. There’s a whole pig, and Emeril and Tom. Chris Jones says “Bam” in his confessional. Sigh.

Qualifying challenge, group 1. Uh…Tom says introduce yourselves? I can’t hit all these people. Everyone brags on themselves. Chris Jones and his friend are chefs at Moto, which does molecular gastronomy. Someone works for Joel Robuchon. There seem to be several people from Chicago. Tom holds up the official chef’s jacket. They must each create a dish using one cut of meat from the pig. Ten contestants, ten cuts of meat. So then if each group has ten people, that’s 30 contestants, but all the commercials say 29. Did someone quit? Anyway, the pig has been partially butchered, but some pieces have multiple cuts so they’ll have to figure it out. Emeril has to have his lines dubbed in. The chefs will serve in three groups, everyone gets an hour to cook. Tom and Emeril will wander and judge them as they cook.

Everyone starts talking at once because of course everyone is used to getting their way. Grayson takes tenderloin because she thinks it will be the quickest to cook. Once the cuts are divvied up, now they have to finish butchering the pig so everyone can get their meat. Tyler is a personal chef, and has never done any butchering on his own, but of course he thinks he can totally do it perfectly. Now you see why I didn’t like him on sight. Tom and Emeril stand behind him, hands to chins, watching. Grayson left her tenderloin to others to cut up. Actually…I don’t think anyone knows what they’re doing. Except Chris Jones. Molly, who is the executive chef on a cruise ship, is making soup from the cheeks, and she seems to have it together. Simon wanted whatever Tyler ended up with, and it sounds like he knows how to butcher the pig, so he’s pissed. Tyler is behind and this screws everyone. Like Grayson, who is discovering that he has no freaking idea what he‘s doing or what the tenderloin or possibly what all the cuts are called. It’s cut in half, and in the end this poor girl has like, a piece of meat the size of a bratwurst. Tom basically tells Tyler he’s ruined Grayson’s dish and also his own, there is no way it will get through this round, and he should just go home now. Harsh, but fair. Emeril got in on it too, a little bit. Tyler should be able to cut up a piece of a pig, at least more competently that he did. Tyler, to further our image of him, does not care one bit that he ruined someone else’s cut of meat. When Tom tells him to go home right now, he says Tom should give him a chance. Tom is like, “Uh…no”. And Tom was serious. He’s out. Tyler says its’ a bad decision because they couldn’t taste his “expertly cooked pork chop”. But he’s still going to the top. Yeah, the top of the list of losers! Zing!

Everyone freaks out. Tom asks Grayson why she let Tyler destroy her cut of pork, and she says she wanted time to get started. Bad assumption. Tom says her tenderloin is “fucked up” (actual quote) and that this is a good first lesson: never trust anyone. She’s stuffing the tenderloin with mushrooms to stretch it. Sarah is making ravioli with pig skin. Simon taught himself to cook. Heather put too much salt in her grits. Richie, who works under Chris Jones (not like that, pervs) tells us that he has a “salty palate” and that Chris keeps him in check. That sentence did not get any better. He also has a real Mohawk with curly hair. Many people run out of time and get frantic. Colin pours soup, but it splatters everywhere and he doesn’t have time to clean the plates. They look terrible.

When the first group serves, poor Colin makes up some story about a foamer or something. Tom and Emeril send him home without even tasting his food. They’re really harsh this season, or at least right now they are. I like it. Colin knows he should have watched the time. Padma lays down the rules: majority rules in all decisions. However, she says “if we agree” they should be in, they’re in, but “if two of us” think they should go home, then they go home. The third option is if they’re undecided, in which case they are on the bubble and have to compete in one more challenge. Like a cookoff.

Chris J.: caramel apple stuffed with braised pork belly and sweet applesauce. It’s a half an apple, stuffed with pork and placed cut side down on the plate, drizzled with caramel. And candied peanuts. Sarah: pig skin ravioli. Tom liked Chris’s dish and votes him in. Emeril agrees, so he’s in. Sarah pulled off a great dish with pig skin, a difficult ingredient. They pass her through also.

Grayson doesn’t have enough pork, but there’s nothing she can do about it. Molly: smoked sweet potato soup with pork cheek and tequila cilantro lime cream. Grayson: haricot vert with toasted hazelnuts and mushroom stuffed tenderloin. Molly had a good soup, but there wasn’t enough pork cheek. Tom is undecided and Emeril says something about how this dish wasn’t great, but he’d like to see her cook again. So she’s on the bubble. Is Padma ever going to talk? Grayson gets stuck on the bubble too, but I think in her case that’s the best she could hope for, after Tyler screwed her. Another chance to prove herself.

Nyesha: Tex-Mex ravioli with pork shoulder, roasted corn and pepita salsa. Richie: onion soup with braised and crispy pig ears, pickled shallots and frozen parsley oil powder. Simon: ham roulade stuffed with fig confit and goat cheese. Heather: maple and citrus glazed baby back ribs, with bacon, corn, and blue cheese grits. Nyesha had an incredibly balanced dish, and Padma finally says something and praises her also. Tom says “I guess that’s that” which makes it sound like he doesn’t agree. But majority rules, so Nyesha is in. Heather’s dish was satisfying and the flavors were comforting. She’s in. And then girl says she’s almost 40 and she doesn’t look it so good for her. Simon’s ham was overcooked and dry, so they send him home. Richie admits to his salty palate, and Tom agrees that his dish is almost too salty, but it’s also well thought out and has depth. Richie is in. So that’s 5 people who have made it through, and two on the bubble. And there are still 20 more people who haven’t competed yet.

The five who are in get to go to the Top Chef house to scope it out and be impressed. It seems that of the people that served with you, you know who made it and who didn’t, but if you didn’t serve with someone, you wouldn’t know they made it through until they got to the house.

BOO they’re going to go ahead and do another Qualifying Challenge. Now I have to learn ten new names. This time Gail is there instead of Emeril. They go through the same “introduce yourself” spiel as the last time. This group gets a whole tableful of different ingredients. As a group, they must agree on one ingredient. Then everyone has to make a dish using that same ingredient. Still one hour to cook.

This group seems kind of quiet, but they have a hard time making a decision. Eventually they decide on rabbit. Yum. I love rabbit. Whitney tells us Hugh is one of her mentors. Really? Interesting. Edward is Korean, and he thinks winning Top Chef will make his parents proud of him, as in Korean culture chefs are not highly regarded. Chuy says that his mom used to raise rabbits. His sister would name them so they never told her when they ate one for dinner. Chris C. is making a duo. Awesome. He compares himself to Blais. Ty-Lor (really) has a very diverse cooking background. Edward can’t use the vacuum machine and needs help. In the end he gives up on the vacuum. Nina, who is a sous chef and so appears to be outclassed, gets the third degree from Tom about whether or not she can keep up. She seems pretty confident. Keith has been in prison for selling drugs, but while he was there he discovered cooking was important to him and it gave him a focus. Dakota is putting chocolate with rabbit. Nina completely runs out of time and doesn’t finish plating. As in, doesn’t put her rabbit on the plate. Which is too bad because the battered and fried pieces look delicious.

Nina is quickly sent home. Whitney: rabbit sugo with tomatoes, shallots, asparagus, and bacon. A real sugo is a sauce that’s simmered all day long. Keith: herb-seared tenderloin, chicken fried rabbit, Yukon potato hash, braised rabbit confit. Edward: butter poached rabbit with butternut squash puree. Whitney took a different approach, and it was well cooked, so she makes it through. Keith perfectly cooked his confit, and the loin too. He makes it through. Tom makes a joke about the size of his coat, as Keith is a big man, but so is Tom so it’s not so bad, I guess. Sadly Edward did not cook his rabbit enough, but Tom and Gail are intrigued so he’s on the bubble. He goes back to the Stew Room where those poor girls are STILL sitting there.

Janine: rabbit nugget, rabbit rack, and rabbit loin saltimbocca with mushroom hash. There is a sauce somewhere that didn’t make the plate. Chuy: adobo-marinated rabbit loin with cashew pipian (like a mole with pumpkin seeds) and grilled zucchini. Chris C.: duo of rabbit--confit leg and butter seared loin with carrot polenta. Ty-Lor: confit rabbit leg with pickled cucumber and tomatoes in fish sauce. Dakota: roast rabbit crepinettes with “cocoa vinegar” bulgur wheat and vanilla jus. Dakota’s rabbit was well balanced, and apparently the cocoa worked because she is in. Ty-Lor had good flavors and everyone enjoyed the dish. He’s made it, which is good because now I can figure out how to capitalize his name. Chris C. cooked his rabbit the best out of everyone tonight, so he is in also. Janine had some good flavors, but Tom says she can do better than she did, so she’s on the bubble.

Commercial interlude: the poor people in the Stew Room try to figure out why they’re stuck there, and Janine comes up with “we don’t have any visible tattoos”. So she draws one on herself in purple sharpie.

Chuy is the last one left. Tom likes how the heat in his dish builds, and in the end he is passed through. Padma says this is the 11th spot, which means that out of the last ten contestants, plus the four on the bubble, there are five spots. Tom’s blog says maybe the people on the bubble will not have any spots left to compete for. This group also goes to the house to see who is there. Ty-Lor knows Heather as they worked together.

Next week: the final group, plus the group on the bubble. Hugh shows up. I didn’t really like him before, and I think as a judge he defaults towards “jerk” too much.

TAR19, Recap Leg 6, 10/30/11

2011-10-31T20:50:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on One Day in Bangkok, teams continue to race through Thailand. There are elephants, and the twins orchestrate their own removal by running out of money. Amani and Marcus manage to get their first win. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Amani/Marcus, Team Football
2nd – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents
3rd – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
4th – Justin/Jennifer, Team Patience
5th – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
6th – Laurence/Zac, The Adventurers
7th – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout

M.R. Kukrit Heritage House, Bangkok, Thailand

7:22 AM Amani/Marcus (1st) – who talk about their daughter with special needs.

Clue: Fly to Lilongwe, Malawi! Once there, find Gate 7 of the Tobacco Warehouse to get your next clue. You have $186 for this leg of the race.

(Toyouke: “Tobacco warehouse. Fun.”)

7:23 AM Bill/Cathi (2nd)
7:24 AM Ernie/Cindy (3rd) – who discuss their need to minimize mistakes.
7:29 AM Justin/Jennifer (4th) – and Jennifer talks about how she teaches special ed students. (Toyouke: “Why suddenly is the theme of this episode "Special Ed"?”)
8:06 AM Andy/Tommy (5th)
8:07 AM Laurence/Zac (6th)
9:22 AM Jeremy/Sandy (7th) – (Toyouke: “Hmmm. Friends before dating. You would think they'd know each other well enough and there wouldn't be stupid fights.”)

Teams arrive at Suvarnabhumi International Airport in the following order:

1- Amani/Marcus
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Justin/Jennifer
5- Andy/Tommy
6- Laurence/Zac
7- Jeremy/Sandy

Amani and Marcus find that their only option is to fly from Bangkok to Singapore to Johannesburg to Lilongwe, and that all teams will be on the Amazing Red Line together. (Toyouke: “Boo. I wanted a charter or a train.” Auburnium0513: "Woo. Bunching.")

Once there, teams depart in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Laurence/Zac
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Bill/Cathi

Teams arrive at the Tobacco Warehouse in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Andy/Tommy
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the seventh roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s ready to put up bale?

In this roadblock, one team member must wear a uniform and transport 10 200 pound bales of tobacco from one side of the warehouse to the other in order to get their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Jeremy
2- Justin
3- Ernie
4- Laurence
5- Tommy
6- Bill
7- Marcus

After much tobacco transporting, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Justin/Jennifer
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Laurence/Zac
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to travel to Memorial Tower to get their next clue. (Toyouke: “You know what else you could see from a distance? A CLUE BOX.”) They arrive at the memorial in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Justin/Jennifer
4- Andy/Tommy
5- Laurence/Zac
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Amani/Marcus

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
All Sewn Up OR Not Grown Up
*All Sewn Up: Teams must travel to White Horse De-sign in Old Market, choose a customer, and stitch up their unfinished suit coat and pants. Once the customer is satisfied, he will give them their next clue.
*Not Grown Up: Teams must travel to Lilongwe LEA School and build two toy trucks with recycled materials for the kids of the school. Once the children test drive them and approve of their construction, teams get their next clue.

1- Jeremy/Sandy choose Not Grown Up
2- Justin/Jennifer choose Not Grown Up – (Toyouke: “Oh please Justin. Making that truck is not like surgery.”)
3- Andy/Tommy choose Not Grown Up
4- Laurence/Zac choose Not Grown Up – Laurence: “The women will school me in sewing.” (Toyouke: “Laurence. That is sexist. Not all women know how to sew.) Upon arriving at the Detour he mentions to Sandy that he thought for sure she would be at the other Detour as "you'll never get married if you can't sew." (Toyouke: "Ass. It's one thing to think that all women sew, it's another to say so to whatever women you see. "You won't get married" are you serious? I'm glad the scissors cut you.”)
5- Bill/Cathi choose All Sewn Up
6- Ernie/Cindy choose All Sewn Up – (Toyouke: “That is an ominous discussion of how you are not using the Express Pass.”)
7- Amani/Marcus choose All Sewn Up

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Ernie/Cindy
5- Laurence/Zac
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Amani/Marcus

Teams are then instructed to travel to R-K Furniture Shop in Ntchisi. So, teams arrive in the following order:

1- Justin/Jennifer
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Andy/Tommy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to pick up two beds and take them to Kumbali Village, the PIT STOP of the sixth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Andy/Tommy – who win a trip for 2 to a private island in the British Virgin Islands. Once again this is by default, because. . .
2- Justin/Jennifer – neglected to pay their truck driver. (Toyouke: “O.M.G. The snowboarders win FOR THE THIRD TIME because someone else is a dumbass. Seriously. Every other season, we'd be lucky for ONE Pit Stop finish order to be changed because of stupidity. Let alone THREE finishes by the SAME team.”)
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Bill/Cathi - who also forgot to pay their cab driver.
7- Amani/Marcus

Amani and Marcus, you are the last team to arrive. However, this is the third of four non-elimination legs, and you are still in the race. You will have a Speed Bump on the next leg.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Andy/Tommy
2nd – Justin/Jennifer
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy
4th – Laurence/Zac
5th – Ernie/Cindy
6th – Bill/Cathi
7th – Amani/Marcus

Next week: Teams find themselves on bicycles in Malawian traffic. And teams go canoeing and/or swimming in Lake Malawi. Until next time!

Project Runway 10/27/11--"Finale Part Two" summary

2011-10-27T23:05:00.002-05:00

Previously on Project Runway: Absolutely. Nothing. Oh, Tim visited everyone and people were in various stages of freaking out and Anya had literally nothing. And then everyone came back to New York and showed their stuff. And Anya was pretty bad but so was Kimberly, for some reason, but when it came right down to it they “couldn’t make a decision” so everyone went through. So really, no one was eliminated, therefore nothing happened. 90 minutes I’ll never get back. Hell, how many hours of this season? I suppose I’ve wasted my life on worse things. (click for more)

OK, let’s do this. Anya knows she didn’t show her best work yesterday. She also knows Josh is upset, and while I don’t like Josh, I don’t like this stupid twist either. Viktor knows that now he has feedback from the judges, which can be used to tweak his collection until it’s perfect.

Tim comes in and says that he loved the things the judges said that hated. Including Josh’s weird caftan/leggings/whatever the hell that was. Oh, TIM. I’ll agree with you about Viktor’s dress with the jacket. However, he seems to be in agreement with the judges about Anya. And then suddenly they are getting an additional $500 to go to Mood. What? Seriously? Oh, I can’t imagine WHY they would do that. It’s not like someone, say, a former beauty queen maybe, is in serious trouble and needs several new looks. I mean, the last time they sprung a surprise windfall on the designers was when Anya lost her money. And no one lost their money this time! Look, I’m going to call it right now. The producers want Anya to win. Maybe the judges do too, I don’t know. But she showed up with complete crap for a collection and magically everyone made it to the final runway show and now they are all getting extra money to make new clothes. They didn’t even do that “oh, an extra look that you have to make now that ties things together” that they like to do.

Everyone just sits around and discusses what they’re going to do, even Viktor, who had a great gown that was very dramatic but he didn’t like it. They go shopping. Anya claims she’s’ just picking out things that she likes and not thinking about it. Kimberly spends $499.95. Nice.

They have the rest of today to make whatever they want. Viktor has bought some sheers. Anya is planning to make three complete new looks. Josh has purchased neon green, and orange and yellow stripes. Ha! They all get hair consults which is never exciting but I suppose the product placement pays the bills. Josh makes hot pants in neon lime green. Viktor suggests he should maybe finish the collection he has instead of making random new things. He’s irritated he’s’ not done, but…your own fault, dude. He totally loses it, to Anya of all people, because he has nothing and he’s going back to nothing unless he wins and he doesn’t want to rush it and so forth.

In the morning, it’s the day before the runway. See, that was misleading yesterday. They made it sound like they only had one day to work. Viktor makes an analogy about holding a motorcycle. Kimberly says she can’t change her mind anymore. Anya of course is very far behind. Josh is perhaps getting energy from his hot pink sleeveless hoodie. Stupid consults with Collier and not hot makeup guy.

Tim time! Kimberly is up first. Tim doesn’t like her pink skirt because it’s overworked in front. She doesn’t know how she’s going to fix it though. There are a lot of things she has planned but she doesn’t know what exactly she’s going to do. Anya apparently got that advice to “pull whatever fabric you want” from Tim. She says that she feels more herself, but “100% it’s not my best work”. The rest of her conversation sounds like she’s been eliminated: I’ve learned a lot, it was a great experience, stuff like that. Viktor is removing two of his prints to edit. He’s got a long black sheer gown. Josh of course has his new neon colors. Tim hates it. It doesn’t’ go with the “vibe” of his other clothes. And then some things are tacky.

Josh was confused by the critique he got, although his explanation seems to be “I am confused because this is what I was going to do.” Kimberly has finishing to do but on everything. Anya thinks she might have more than 10 looks but not 10 she wants to show. Viktor might cut some things too.

Model fittings. Josh loves everything. I think he wants people to look closely at his clothes and discover their beauty. Anya likes her silhouettes. Viktor curses at the sewing machine. Anya is working up to the last minute, laying the dresses on the floor and cutting hems. The dresses just look like swaths of fabric.

Runway show! It is damn early. Everyone is excited to show, and carefully doesn’t mention how they aren’t the only ones showing today. Kimberly says it’s anyone’s game at this point, bless her heart. The usual last minute freaking out occurs. Kimberly loses her sewing kit and freaks out. Anya lends her stuff. Anya appears to be still sewing.

Finally. Pictures of collections are from Blogging Project Runway Guest judge is L’Wren Scott.

Kimberly is up first. She says this is where she comes from, and her mom was her inspiration. Collection here A lot of her skirts fit weird. Like, they’re pretty short, and they ride up in front or in back or something. But it’s very colorful and it seems to go together.

Josh is second. Collection here He dedicates it to his mom, of course. All his models have big heavy booties on and they drag the clothes down. It’s very Josh: loud colors everywhere. Tim is backstage with each designer as their collection walks, telling them how great they are. It’s weird.

Viktor’s collection He’s made himself a vest out of one of his prints. He was inspired by the city. The stuff with the prints is fantastic, but the new sheer stuff he just made is weird and doesn’t go with the prints. Oo, the long sheer gown is not good. The one with the cheetah spots. But he made a black tank and pants to go with that leather jacket. Just like they told him to.

Anya is last, which somehow doesn’t surprise me one bit. Collection here She dedicates her collection to her brother. The first girl comes out holding the skirt of the dress so you can see how it flows, but you shouldn’t have to help it along, I don’t think. The long green and gold outfit is actually pants. And she has a dress with a modesty tab and the judges absolutely NAILED Josh for that the other week.

Best sound bite is from Jaybird, who says he doesn’t like Josh’s personality but he liked the collection. I love you Jay.

Judging time. That means this is almost over. Everyone talks about their inspiration and their collection even though they did that last week. Kors gives her praise for doing everything they said but still staying true to herself. They liked everything except for the big flowy print with the fuchsia skirt underneath. That wasn’t so great. Heidi likes the pants. The pink dress with the jacket is really great. Nina likes that Kimberly can take rich fabrics and make them easy and modern. Heidi claims to have gotten Josh’s point of view and she liked his weird tacky print. Kors praises his editing and styling, which I must admit, the styling is pretty good. He has a vision which he owns. Nina says “most improved”. Huh. His weird green shorts, that had laces up the front, Nina hated them on the runway. But in the little lookbook she has, they are interesting to her. Kors says he made his gimmicky fabrics look believable, to which I say ha!

Kors thinks Viktor’s sheers are too must of a “runway joke”. Heidi says what I did, which is that the sheers and the original collection of prints do not go together. Nina tells him he should have mixed the sheers and prints in the same outfits, which is bullshit because last week they told him not to pile things together. But whatever. Kors actually criticizes Anya and says that she lost diversity in the shapes of her pieces. Kors loved the first one, and tells her she should push it. And then he says she needs variety, even though last week they told her to make Caribbean clothes. L’Wren tells her her outfits won’t work on a variety of body types. Nina repeats what Kors said. Seriously? Last week you were like “this isn’t you, where is the easy Caribbean flow, blah blah”. Pff.

Everyone says why they should win, but it’s the same thing they said the last time they asked that question.

Kimberly had a lot of great clothes, but maybe they didn’t make the greatest collection. You can see her point of view, though, and it’s not a common point of view. Nina thinks she needs more time to mature. Viktor’s collection was beautiful, but not perfectly connected. It was like he had two collections. The prints were absolutely fantastic, but the sheers did not work. It would be commercially successful. All of Anya’s work is done last minute. For some reason they give her extra credit for this. Lots of V-necks. They think she’ll evolve and grow, but not everyone can wear the clothes she makes now. Also everything is a loose flowing dress. Kors argues that it all went together, at least. Nina claims she is smart enough to make different clothes next collection. Josh’s collection is described as fun and with good tailoring. And they laugh at his horrid styling that he used to have. They like that people might like plastic now. Nina says he has maybe too many ideas, but he does have ideas. Anya has a very distinct and “unique” point of view. But Josh’s clothes today have more design to them.

Heidi praises everyone. She talks to Kimberly last, because she’s out. Kimberly doesn’t look very surprised. She says they’re already winners, because they showed at Fashion Week. She’s grateful to have made it all the way to the end. Viktor is out. Bullshit. I mean, I’m not surprised, but it’s stupid. He’s disappointed, but he knows his line represents him. Anya is the winner. Oh, I never saw it coming. How could we have guessed. Josh, bless him, says his collection was better and Anya’s was beautiful but maybe not well sewn. Anya’s thrilled, she did it, she’s made her country proud. All the usual things.

So, Gretchen last season and now Anya? I smell another large exodus of people. Bye everyone.

Top Chef: Just Desserts 10/26/11--"Finale" summary

2011-10-27T00:37:00.002-05:00

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: the final four are tasked with making dessert that doesn’t look like dessert, but instead like an iconic dish from another country. Everyone picked out countries and got to work. Chris decided beef Wellington was from France, which involved some mighty stretching from Johnny so they wouldn’t have to penalize him for it. Sally made a pretend Cuban sandwich and potato salad, and she won. Orlando made pretend paella, and was sent home, which was slightly unexpected but at least it made him humble. (click for more)

We begin with horseplay and Matthew in boxers, which is a fine way to begin the morning. Everyone talks about how excited they are to be here, and how much it would mean to them if they won. With the added bonus of Sally mentioning that she isn’t married and doesn’t have any kids; all she has is her career.

Johnny and Gail greet the final three and tell them they must make a display table with: a showpiece, an entremet cake, a bread “element“, bon bons, and “one more daring special thing”. Johnny starts talking about those special creations you make, and he says he made his mother’s last birthday cake, right before she died. He actually has to stop for a moment before he can continue. See, that right there will do more to endear me to Johnny than weeks of his commentary. Aww. The “one more daring special thing” is to make a dessert for “that one special person”. Gail says there are special guests, and out come Jacques Torres, Sebastien Canonne, and Stephane Treand. So I’ve heard of Jacques Torres. I don’t doubt that they’re awesome, I’m just saying. Johnny says they each hold the title of MOF, which is a title you can only get in France by being a complete master of pastry. They will be advisors and mentors, and will be around for the final tasting. Wow. I thought they might be sous chefs, but I guess not.

Sally knows she will have trouble making a showpiece. And she’s up against Chris. So she’s going to stick to techniques she knows, and maybe concentrate on flowers or something. Matthew is completely inspired by his wife. Jacques questions everything he says but Matthew is pretty confident. Chris is going industrial.

5 hours to cook. The Frenchmen hover and watch everyone and make them nervous. Well, except Chris, who says he’s competed and been judged by Jacques before so he’s used to it. Sally brags that she doesn’t make anything ordinary. Matthew is a restaurant pastry chef, and the other two have been in competitions before. This only fires him up. Then all of a sudden Sebastien is zesting limes and helping and doing dishes. Jacques makes fun of him and wants to take a picture. Heh. When time is up, everyone seems to be in a pretty good mood.

In the morning when everyone arrives they are greeted with the previously eliminated contestants. Sally is jogging in to start working and she doesn’t even look over there at first. Also she seems really thrilled to see people, even though she complained about several of them. Everyone gets two people. Do you get to choose your people? Of course not. Everyone has a cookie with a number, and the finalists will pick numbers and that’s who they’re stuck with. Sally picks Van, and she sort of smiles but is not thrilled. Matthew gets Megan, who he says is better than Van and will work as hard as he does. Chris selects Rebecca. For the second person, they get to actually pick out people, so Sally picks Orlando, Matthew takes Carlos, and Chris picks Amanda.

10 hours to cook today. Everyone explains their ideas to their sous chefs. Chris basically tells Rebecca he doesn’t know if he’ll have anything he wants her to do. He doesn’t trust her skills. Sally is thrilled to get Orlando, because she can have him do her showpiece. She also is the one to notice that pastry competitions involve teams of three also. Matthew has not done sugar showpieces before, really, and he’s going to challenge himself to do one. Sally decides to make her plated dessert for her mom and sister, with coffee. Orlando gets time to speak, and admits he did not want to work with anyone, but professionally, he has to own the fact that he lost so now he has to do what he’s told. Matthew is combining peanut butter and key lime. Sally puts an insert in her entremet, and realizes it’s too small. Now the cake is ruined and she has to start over. Or at least that layer? Anyway, she’s behind. Chris has a mechanical inspiration, but with flowers. Orlando is making a ton of the showpiece, but Sally is behind so she feels she doesn’t have a choice. There is a TON of flailing and running around. Footage of moving showpieces and how everyone freaks out when moving those things. Time is up, and the sous chefs leave. People seem confident. Well, Sally and Chris say they think they’re good, but Matthew is suspiciously quiet.

The diners and judges (who have been given champagne) come in and stare at everyone for a while, and then start walking around to look at showpieces. They really are impressive. Matthew’s showpiece is clear sugar and red accents. It’s cool looking. Entremet: hazelnut dacquois, passion fruit gelee, milk jam, whipped chocolate. Gail likes the complex texture. Bread: focaccia with olive oil, fresh thyme, sea salt. Bon bon: key lime ganache and speculoos (cookie dough that somehow has roasted flour). Everything looks good.

Sally is up next. Her showpiece is swirly and has great flowers and is Orlando. The same colors are repeated throughout her showpiece and also the food. She also admits Orlando did a ton of the showpiece. Entremet: chocolate mouse, mango vanilla cream, caramel cremeux, lime and almond sponge. Bread: parker house roll with bacon, onions, and gruyere. Yum. Bon bon: salted caramel milk chocolate. It looks swirly.

Chris’s showpiece has what look like iron bars, and then bright orange flowers that I think are sugar. Sadly one of his brioche buns has fallen off. When Johnny points that out, he points out that he did it by himself with no help from his sous chefs. Entremet: chocolate mousse, vanilla cremeux, and raspberry jam. He says he wanted the jam to be “saucy and loose”, and Gail says that describes her and Dannielle. Heh. Bread: brioche with bacon maple butter. Johnny (who is pretty bitchy; does he not like Chris?) says he put more effort into his condiment than his bread, and Chris says that condiments are important. Bon bon: coffee infused ganache and caramel. The chocolate shell is speckled, which sadly looks like the chocolate is separating or something. I think it’s just his design, but it’s unfortunate. It’s served with one bon bon on top of a girder thing. Gail sends them back to plate their last dessert in 20 minutes.

Sally has to cut the glaze from her dish because she’s out of time. White chocolate espresso mousse, chocolate cremeux, cashew nougatine, and ice cream. It’s a chocolate sphere with the mousse and nougatine inside. They say technically it’s amazing, but you could see the mousse through the dome. But it all tastes good.

Matthew was the only one to have a lot of color, as his showpiece is sugar and not chocolate. Dark chocolate cake, raspberry mousse, pecan streusel, and milk ice cream. And some cookie dough. It’s a long plate that is playful. It appears that the chocolate chip cookies he talked about were deconstructed, but that causes someone to just want chocolate chip cookies.

Chris’s bon bon gets high praise. Butter almond cake, banana caramel, banana ice cream, and mango sauce. He was inspired by one of his previous pastry competitions, when he was still dating his wife. The desserts are good, but they don’t seem to connect to his story.

At Judges’ Table, Matthew gets praise for his bon bons, and also they grill him about how he made a sugar showpiece instead of a chocolate one, which seems to have paid off. Johnny complains about his plated dessert being too busy. Sally had a good flavor throughout, but of course they ask about Orlando doing all of the showpiece, and Chris smirks. She seems to explain well, and then she admits she left the glaze off her plated dessert. Chris had a great showpiece, but it fell apart and no one else’s did. But Johnny says that he ate all of Chris’s plated dessert and did not do that with the other two.

Sally wins the bread course, Chris (I think) wins the bon bon course, Chris and Sally seem to be tied for entremet. Johnny seems really unhappy that Sally didn’t make her whole showpiece herself, but Dannielle points out that she understood she couldn’t do showpieces and picked a helper that would compensate for that. And Chris’s showpiece fell apart. Chris’s plated dessert was the most delicious, even though it was not the most complicated.

In the cell phone poll, Matthew seems to be winning, but the judges give Chris the win. The eliminated contestants are there, and they spray him with champagne. He says he’s going to be Matthew’s friend forever. Sally is happy for him.

Next week: Padma, Tom, and the 29 contestants of Top Chef.

TAR19, Recap Leg 5, 10/23/11

2011-10-24T22:34:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Phuket All, teams head to Thailand and the island of Phuket. The twins forget to exchange their money before changing countries, and the snowboarders stay ahead of the pack. But the twins fall behind and are not eliminated! Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
2nd – Justin/Jennifer, Team Patience
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
4th – Laurence/Zac, The Adventurers
5th – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
6th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football
7th – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents
8th – Liz/Marie, Twinderellas

Koi Panyi, Phang Nga, Thailand

10:07 AM Andy/Tommy (1st) – who have various scripture passages written on their book bags. And they aren’t the traditional ones.

Clue: Travel by songthaew to Ton Pariwat Wildlife Conservation Area, and travel by elephant to your next clue. You have $186 for this leg of the race.

(Toyouke: “I want a clue box.”)

11:01 AM Justin/Jennifer (2nd)
11:44 AM Jeremy/Sandy (3rd)
11:45 AM Laurence/Zac (4th)
11:52 AM Ernie/Cindy (5th)
11:53 AM Amani/Marcus (6th)
12:22 PM Bill/Cathi (7th)
1:35 PM Liz/Marie (8th) – who lost their father right before filming. Just in case you forgot.

Teams arrive at Ton Pariwat in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

However, once they arrive, Liz and Marie find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this speed bump, teams must clean up elephant dung and clean their elephant to receive their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Liz/Marie – (Toyouke: “Why are you so excited about shoveling manure?”)

After much cleaning, they continue with the rest of the teams on boarding the elephants in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

(Toyouke: “I got my eyebrow pop back but they took the clue boxes. Broke ass bucket.”)

And once they arrive, teams get the fifth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who wants to hear some Water Music?

In this roadblock, one team member follow the sound of a traditional flute to a pool and find the clue in the murky water.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Andy
2- Justin
3- Sandy
4- Laurence
5- Marcus
6- Cindy
7- Cathy
8- Marie

After much diving, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Laurence/Zac
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Ernie/Cindy
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

Teams are now instructed to travel to a nearby shop and pick up a spirit house. Teams are then instructed to deliver it to Wat Chalong to get their next clue. They arrive at the shop in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Ernie/Cindy
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

Teams then take apart the spirit house. Some of them remember that they are on the Amazing Race, and try to remember how everything is arranged. So, teams arrive at Wat Chalong in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy – (Toyouke: “I'm glad the snowboarders thought ahead. Even though the clue doesn't say "You must reassemble your spirit house" they knew they might have to.”)
2- Justin/Jennifer – (Toyouke: “Oh, a camera phone. Actually that is pretty clever.”)
3- Laurence/Zac
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

And once they arrive, teams get the sixth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

*No Question Shown*

In this roadblock, the other team member must rebuild the Spirit House perfectly to get their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Tommy – (Toyouke: “And see? It paid off. That is a thing we would totally do. Although, shut up about how God is better than that temple. I want to like you.” God: "...I think it's a pretty nice temple."”)
2- Jennifer
3- Zac – who runs into problems because his father told him not to take notes.
4- Jeremy
5- Ernie
6- Amani
7- Bill
8- Liz

After much rebuilding, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Ernie/Cindy
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

Teams are now told to take a bus for 550 miles to Bangkok by traveling to Phuket Bus Depot. Once they arrive, they should find Bangkok Noi Canal to feed the fish and get their next clue.

Teams arrive at the bus depot in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Ernie/Cindy – (Toyouke: “Yeah...when you ask the guy if he'll take American and he says "no", you can't give him American.”)
8- Liz/Marie

Teams get on busses as follows:

Bus 1: Departs at 4:30 PM
1) Andy/Tommy
2) Justin/Jennifer
3) Jeremy/Sandy

Bus 2: Departs at 4:30 PM
1) Laurence/Zac – but they realize they are on a first class bus, so instead they stop the bus, get out, run 3 miles back to the bus depot and get on a second class bus that departs at 8 pm.

Bus 3: Departs at 5:30 PM
1) Amani/Marcus
2) Bill/Cathi

Bus 4: Departs at 5:30 PM
1) Ernie/Cindy – which is also first class, but they don’t seem to care.

Bus 5: Departs at 8 PM
1) Liz/Marie – who actually miss the bus due to not having enough money for their cab, and then get the cab driver to take them out to the bus for free when it stops to wait for them.

So, then after all the travelling, teams arrive in Bangkok in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Justin/Jennifer
5- Bill/Cathi
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Laurence/Zac
8- Liz/Marie

(Toyouke: “See? Bunching mid-leg means that your placement basically depends on how fast your bus was.”) Teams now travel to the Bangkok Noi Canal and arrive in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Andy/Tommy – who give their clue to a teacher...who promptly takes it and leaves to go teach. (God: "Eh...you were rude about the temple. I think I'm in the tub.")
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Justin/Jennifer
7- Laurence/Zac
8- Liz/Marie – who are forced to beg free rides from people because they don't have any money. (Toyouke: “Another team could not get free rides, I bet. Hot young blonde girls? No problem.”)

Teams are now instructed to make their way to M.R. Kukrit Heritage Home, the PIT STOP of the fifth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Amani/Marcus – who win a trip for 2 to Bali.
2- Bill/Cathi
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Justin/Jennifer
5- Andy/Tommy
6- Laurence/Zac
7- Jeremy/Sandy – Phil: “I can eliminate you if you want.”
8- Liz/Marie

And sadly, Liz and Marie . . . are eliminated. And they love their father.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Amani/Marcus
2nd – Bill/Cathi
3rd – Ernie/Cindy
4th – Justin/Jennifer
5th – Andy/Tommy
6th – Laurence/Zac
7th – Jeremy/Sandy

Next week: Malawi! Tobacco! Bed Frames? Until next time!

Project Runway 10/20/11--"Finale Part One" summary

2011-10-20T22:01:00.001-05:00

Previously on Project Runway: when asked to be inspired by sculpture, everyone mostly was inspired, even Laura, who was inspired by circles and was eliminated. For some reason they didn’t like her literal circles. Everyone tried to continue the drama, especially Josh, but it’s gotten very old and when asked who he would take with him to Fashion Week, he didn’t even have the balls to own up to it. Instead he pretended he respected Anya, even though he spent most of the challenge bitching about how she won instead of him. (click for more)

Look, I’ll be honest with all of you. I really do not care about this finale. I don’t care who wins today. I don’t even really care who wins this season. I already know what will happen: Josh and Anya will be safe, and either Viktor will be out for being too commercial, or Kimberly will be out because she’s not commercial enough. Or some other arbitrary and completely ridiculous criteria that make absolutely no sense. Or they’ll act like they can’t decide and they’ll have a final four. It’s just irritating at this point and I’m pretty much done with it.

Heidi only gives them five weeks to make a 10 look collection, because Lifetime fails at planning and as a consequence, they were still filming this season when it premiered in the summer. Everyone talks about how they’re tired and they can’t believe they’re going to make a collection and they’re excited and all the things they always say. Kimberly starts to say she’ll miss people, but then she stops and says she’s just excited to be going home.

Tim goes to Kimberly’s house first. She says she’s been working hard. Her studio is painted the exact shade of Kmanpat’s dining room. She talks about “urban girl transformed”. There are a lot of colors, with some great jewelry. Tim says this is totally her, and then tells her to take some risks. Kimberly does not want to bore Nina. Hee. Her sister and best friends are upstairs to hang out with Tim. Kimberly is inspired by her mom and she really wants to represent African-Americans in the fashion industry.

Then Tim gets to travel to Trinidad, that bastard. Of course he is out on some dock somewhere in his suit. He says he didn’t think Anya would recognize him if he went casual. You could at least wear jeans, Tim. Anya’s brother sounds just like her and is very supportive. She has some colors picked out, but she says she’s not clear on what shapes she wants, or garments, so she’s behind. And then she admits she hasn’t been able to draw any new shapes. Tim is concerned, naturally, but she’s been in a rut. He tries to encourage her to get out of this rut. Oh, like Anya isn’t going to pull a collection out of her ass and the judges won’t tell her it’s the greatest collection ever.

Viktor is up next. He’s thinking “urban coast”. He already has a clear vision and fantastic jackets and things. He has one gown that Tim thinks might be flat. But I think overall Tim is impressed. Viktor’s boyfriend is super cute and they toast Viktor and talk about Viktor’s growing up in Mexico.

Sigh. Time for Josh. For some reason they’re meeting Tim in a restaurant, Josh and his sister. Which restaurant is completely empty which is weird. He did a lot of sports but now he’s left that behind. Josh doesn’t have as much done as he would like, but it all has a direction, he says. He’s found some patchwork bright fabric, and some green and blue fuzzy fabric that makes me dizzy. A lot of neon colors. Tim is forced to think of ice cream and cheap and that’s not good for him. In the end Tim has rejected 5 or 6 of Josh’s fabrics. There is one dress that makes Tim want to weep, and of course Josh says this is the “center” of his collection. Once Tim leaves Josh has two pieces left that he thinks he can use. Good.

Time for everyone to come back to New York and hang out in a swank hotel. There’s a terrace. Gorgeous. Josh shows up first and cries about how his mom should be there. The girls show up next and shriek and laugh. Let’s hope someone starts a Jay-Karasaun-Wendy Pepper-level fight. Tim brings them champagne. Tomorrow they will get started. There are no fights that night, sadly.

Everyone unpacks and eyeballs everyone else’s collections and interviews about how everyone else sucks. Tim comes in and says they will need to show three looks tomorrow. Model fitting will not be until tomorrow. Viktor has a cropped white jacket with a ton of texture on the sleeves. It’s fantastic. Josh finally says something nice about someone else and admits he’s kind of afraid now. Josh interviews that it’s about staying true to himself, and also that his collection is completely different from when Tim showed up to his house. He’s showing some black and white looks, and some color, but it doesn’t go together. Kimberly needs to make up her mind and pick out three looks. At the moment she can’t decide. Anya has actual completed clothing now. It’s all very Anya, therefore Tim is disappointed. She’s feeling mighty low because it seems this may be the first time she’s gotten a negative review. She can’t start over now, though.

Anya is obviously flustered, and Josh can barely restrain his glee. She’s seriously is saying she’s let down all of her family and the town and the country and it’s horrible. Josh wants to show his great use of color. Kimberly has to pull it together. Anya is still freaking out.

In the morning everyone gets ready and is nervous. Viktor says he’s finished, while everyone else is still working, so he’s got an advantage. The models come in and immediately a zipper breaks on one of Anya’s pieces. She doesn’t have time to fix it, so she’s going to use another piece. Josh is putting turquoise heels with bright pink pants. Viktor gets makeup. No really. Viktor and Josh talk about how Anya is finishing things last minute. Kimberly is doing the same thing but I guess no one said anything about her. Everyone talks about the chance to show their point of view at Fashion Week.

No guest judges today. Viktor is up first. Strapless cocktail dress in black leather with insets of blue fabric. The skirt is full, and has zippers that are open, like vents, with the blue fabric inside. I really like it. Second: white pants with a dark pink liquid print. The backs of the pants are black. There is a black jacket, and a tank top made of long glass rectangles. Very striking. Third: that awesome white jacket, with a black bustier and a mullet skirt. The skirt is very short in front and has a train in the back.

Anya: short dress with a V neck in a brown print. The skirt is about 3 inches shorter in front. Second: black swimsuit with a low V and a sparkly zipper/line up the center. This is with a simple beige cover-up robe. Third: long gold gown with one shoulder and a wrapped back to it, so it’s interesting from the back. There’s a weird flap on her hip.

Kimberly: off the shoulder top in a vertical striped print, in greens and blues. The front looks fine, but the back is open and it looks like a smock. This is paired with dark blue pants. Second: blue top and a heavy skirt, with brocade or something. The front of the skirt looks like it’s not made properly, and again the top is backless with a weird thing up near her neck. Plus the pleating in the back makes her butt look big. Third: long black gown with a mock-turtleneck style neck. It’s long and sparkly and backless. But black.

Josh: hot pink flood water pants and a jacket with some vertical seaming that is interesting. Plus a print tank top. Oh, and the blue shoes. Second: little black dress. That’s about it. There’s a keyhole in the back with a single vertical strap. Third: a jumper with long pants, in black. The collar is plastic, in a mottled reddish brown shade. In the back there is another keyhole and an exposed zipper. Actually I think maybe it’s not a jumper but a sheer gown over leggings.

Anya’s first dress has gone over well, but the bathing suit looks bad (oo, she needs more support for the girls and the exposed zipper looks tacky) and the gown looks unfinished. It’s not perfect enough. Kors says the styling is not helping: large heavy jewelry and bad shoes does not look Caribbean. Nina tells her to embrace what she’s good at. Kimberly talks about her urban looks, and Kors can immediately tell they’re her clothes. He likes that the sexiness comes from the open back and not a low-cut front. However there is too much jewelry and her blue pants have matching blue shoes so they all blend together too much. Nina agrees on the styling. Heidi hates the pink skirt that is poofy in the back. The front hem is arched in the front. It looks pinned? Is that on purpose? Kimberly admits she had an ivory jacket to go with that skirt but it was a little too big so it’s not here. Heidi and Nina clutch their pearls in horror.

Viktor talks about his brother and gets choked up a little. The prints in the short dress and the pants are pictures of Mexico that he put onto fabric. The tailoring is fantastic. Kors says he has to say one bad thing about the sunglasses on the leather dress. He then says that the white leather jacket is too much with the mullet dress, that the dress is gorgeous enough on its own. Heidi steals the jacket and talks about how great it is. Viktor says he really loves the jacket though, and Kors tells him to whip up some black pants and a black tank top. Nina asks him to take off the leather skirt with the short dress, and they like the dress without it. Kors says each piece is great, but they shouldn’t all be put together on the same girl. Josh talks about how innovative and tailored his stuff is. Heidi likes his stuff. The jacket looks good, but the buckle is cheap looking and the shoes conflict with everything. The little black dress is good except for the little tab just under her boobs. Kors haaaaates the back of the long dress. It does seem to be leggings, very tight leggings with an exposed zipper. Kors makes him take the belt from the jacket and put it on the short dress, and Josh argues that it looks bad but then Kors likes it. I think it looks like a strap from a backpack, with that plastic buckle thing. Bleh. Nina tells him his styling is finally good.

Everyone goes to the Scrap Bin and freaks out. Josh fishes for complements and Anya falls for it. Viktor has wonderful pieces, with great prints and perfect tailoring, but he must edit. Josh has to fix his long gown/leggings/whatever, and Kors insists he fix the short dress with the tab. He had the best styling though. Anya’s point of view only came through in the first dress. Heidi says she should have done what she was good at, which if you’ll recall is exactly the opposite of what Tim said. Two of her looks were not good. Nina didn’t like Kimberly’s color palette, they didn’t like her styling or accessories either. The girls did not do well today. Then randomly they say “Anything’s possible”. The final four have a Kumbaya moment backstage.

Heidi warns them that if they move forward, they must do what the judges tell them. Oh, I mean “listen to feedback”. Josh is in. Viktor is in. Kimberly is in. Anya is also in. Big fucking surprise. Admit it, when you saw that she was the last one up there, not one person thought she was actually out. Josh is pissed. I would be pissed too, probably. He interviews (randomly, in another outfit) that both of them should have gone home because they both had horrible critiques and this is serious! Serious stuff! Fashion Week! They’re terrible! Whatever. On the After the Runway show he’s saying how he’s so glad they all went to the final episode together, because everyone has a different point of view and it would be such an injustice. Did you forget that everyone just watched you bitch about it? Laura Bennett comes back and she sadly agrees with him, about how she’d be angry if no one was eliminated, but at least she pointed out that he wasn’t OK with it.

Next week: This season is finally over.

Top Chef: Just Desserts 10/19/11--"Dessert in Disguise" summary

2011-10-19T23:03:00.001-05:00

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: everyone had to make pie, which was fun, but of course then they had to go make them bake with one hand tied behind their back. Whatever. Anyway, Carlos wins again, so he has a ton of money which is nice. Then everyone was forced to make upscale carnival foods, and Carlos tried to make macarons, which failed, and sadly the rest of his food failed, so he was sent home. Matthew made fried pie and it was delicious so he won. There is no one left for Sally to roll her eyes about and Orlando managed to keep his mouth shut mostly, so no drama. Although Orlando tried to make a cake based on candy apples, which for some reason included chocolate, so he got in an argument with the judges about it. Candy apples don’t have chocolate. I don’t think I’ve ever even had a candy apple and I know that. (click for more)

Chris brags about how he’s not really sorry Carlos is gone because he’s that much closer to winning. Sally says pretty much the same thing. Matthew says he was picked on in school and that he also was breaking into cars and whatnot. Oo, a delinquent.

Suzanne Goin is here to judge the Quickfire. Except there is no Quickfire today. Gail says they are going international, and says their challenge is to make a dessert inspired by the cuisine of one of the countries they have for you to choose from. Chris gets to go first, and goes with France. Pff. Easy. Orlando takes Spanish, Matthew picks Italian, and Sally picks Cuban. Someone do an Asian country! Pff. They must make a “dessert in disguise”. It has to look like an “iconic” dish from the country they picked. Interesting. Cat Cora is here to judge too. It’s the last challenge before the finale.

3 hours to cook. Chris seems to be freaking out and maybe doesn’t have ideas. Matthew gets right to work and Chris says not to start without him. He laughs and Matthew calls him out on having the most nervous laugh ever. Orlando is thinking Spain = paella. Nice. He says that in the Virgin Islands gay means transsexual (or at least transvestite, from what he says) and that he’s been ostracized. Sally doesn’t know what she’s going to make. Chris tells us it’s taken him an hour to decide on “beef Wellington”, which I am pretty sure is not French.

Johnny comes in to bother everyone. Orlando pretends to be pleased. Chris tries to convince Johnny that beef Wellington is not English but French, but Johnny is not buying it. He claims there will not be puff pastry. Matthew is making manicotti, with cake and mousse. He seems in good shape. Orlando says he’s most threatened by Chris because he’s creative and has good technique. Orlando then proceeds to shamelessly kiss Johnny’s ass and say that in order to win, he’s going to use all of Johnny’s advice. He then interviews that he’s using all his criticism to win today. This is coming from a person who said last week he’d like to punch Johnny in the face. He’s totally different now though, he promises. Sally is still not sure what she’s going to make, but she is leaning towards a Cuban sandwich. Johnny points out that maybe she should be more sure since she has only 75 minutes left to work. Johnny takes this to mean that she doesn’t want it.

With one hour to go Sally seems to finally be making a decision, which is go to with the sandwich idea. Orlando is using plums and apricots and beets to be the parts of paella. I am intrigued by his plan. Chris is still making beef Wellington. Dude. There are like, a million French dishes you could be making right now. He starts talking about how he went to culinary skill but then saw a book of pastry chef things and thought he should be making those works of art. Matthew seems to be making basil gelee, that he’s going to cut into thin strips like a basil chiffonade. Interesting. Orlando reminds Chris to check on his nuts in the oven, which prompts several jokes.

Back at home Sally gets her phone call home to her mom. She says she got close to her parents after she left, which happens to a ton of people. I like her more now that she’s not complaining about how other people are there and shouldn’t be there. In the morning Orlando gets a phone call home too. See, I would much rather have this “I really love to do this and I want to win” than “Everyone else here sucks, they should let me win by default”. It makes people like Sally and Orlando much more pleasant.

2 hours today to finish everything. Sally says confidence is extremely important in things like this. Chris is experimenting with finishing his dish, and he promised Johnny he wouldn’t use puff pastry. Mainly because Johnny acted like he was taking the easy way out and using a dish that was half pastry already. However, Chris can’t seem to figure out any other way to get his stuff done, so now he’s using puff pastry. And not making his own, either, but using some frozen puff pastry. So you know he’s going to get nailed for that. Orlando is making coconut saffron rice, for his paella. Matthew had wanted to use tomatoes in his sauce, but he feels it’s too risky. He’s using cake for his pasta, and has gone the extra step of using a knife to cut grooves in the cake, just like the grooves in the manicotti. That is a lot of work. Chris says his puff pastry looks like Wellington. Sally’s jelly is coming out perfectly, but seeing Matthew and Chris is making her nervous so she’s going to also make plantain chips and potato salad. Matthew has rolls too. It’s very cute.

Matthew is up first. There are several big wigs dining today and as Cat is a guest judge there will probably be a lot of ass-kissing. I like her though. Crème fraiche cake with mascarpone-ricotta mousse, strawberry compote and basil gelee. It does look disturbingly like cheese manicotti with tomato sauce. The judges really like it, but when they’re about halfway through they’re kind of done. It’s one-textured. Chris: puff pastry, chocolate mousse, raspberry jam and salted caramel. It’s a knot of puff pastry. Johnny says technically it’s French. Whatever. So the raspberry and chocolate are supposed to represent done vs. rare meat. They do enjoy his dessert. Orlando: coconut and saffron rice, tuile, compressed plums, and roasted beets. It really does look like paella, although yellow rice with things in it is going to look like paella no matter what, pretty much. It seems to go over well, except that someone things the beet doesn’t look like chorizo and doesn’t go with anything else. Sally: brioche, cream cheese mousse, and strawberry caramel with “potato salad”. The caramel is the “ham”, with green-dyed pineapple for pickles and the “potato salad” is pineapple, banana, and Asian pear for crunch. Everything else looks accurate but the cream cheese mousse is supposed to be pork and it’s not really working.

Commercial interlude: everyone loves Cat Cora. Matthew especially. Matthew, she’s gay. You don’t have a chance anyway.

Chris’s Wellington looked just like beef Wellington. Then they nail him on the puff pastry. Sort of. Well, they point out that he didn’t make puff pastry and everyone else made their own bread. He says that his flavors were great and it looked like an entrée. Cat tells Matthew his rolls were spot-on. Johnny calls him on the lack of tomato, and says he’s not as creative as he could have been. Johnny then tells Orlando he hates saffron, but he didn’t mind it in Orlando’s dish. Hubert says something about how he used a rice cooker to cook the rice, I guess because he had to fluff it afterwards. He should have cooked it in a pot, maybe? I think it has to do with the way the rice is in paella, which is that it’s all cooked in that pan and has a different texture. Orlando says the rice he had growing up was from a rice cooker, so he wanted that texture. Gail loved the beets. Orlando tells the judges he wanted to edit himself, so things are missing. Gail says this is the one challenge they didn’t want him to edit. He had to, he says, so that he could properly execute everything. Sally’s presentation was impressive, but the mousse was messy. She says this was her toughest challenge yet, but it brought something out of herself. Johnny warns them all that now they have to split hairs and pick a loser.

Gail admits she had low expectations for this challenge because it was so difficult. In the end, everyone was impressed. Chris’s dish looked real, but they’re all disappointed that he didn’t make his own puff pastry. Matthew’s dish also looked real, but it was all similar in flavor and he played it safe. Orlando melded a lot of flavors together, and all the final touches were perfect. Sally’s sandwich was close to perfect, but the cream cheese mousse did not work. But the potato salad looked just like potato salad.

The winner today is Sally. Interesting. Chris is also safe. After a commercial, Orlando is sent home. Well that is also interesting. He’s really upset. He feels like he disappointed himself, and he says that this has humbled him and shown him that other people’s opinions matter. Once he leaves, everyone else is thrilled to be in the finale.

Next week: Finale. Celebrity sous chefs. Chocolate show pieces? OK then.

TAR19, Recap Leg 4, 10/16/11

2011-10-17T22:38:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Like Buddha in My Hands, teams continued racing through Indonesia. Cathi fell down. A lot. And Amani and Marcus fell apart. However, due to the lack of counting ability, the teams switched up their order again, and caused the snowboarders to end up in first by default. AGAIN. Kaylani and Lisa are eliminated. Who will be eliminated . . . next?(click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
2nd – Laurence/Zac, The Adventurers
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
4th – Justin/Jennifer, Team Patience
5th – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
6th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football
7th – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents
8th – Liz/Marie, Twinderellas

Borobudur Temple, Magelang, Indonesia

8:17 AM Andy/Tommy (1st)
Clue: Fly north to Phuket, Thailand! Once there, find Nonthasak Marine and go out on the pier to get your next clue.

(Toyouke: “Heh. Phuket. I love that there is a little outline of the next country you're going to. I'd say they should just put that and make them figure out what country it is, but with this group who knows where they'll end up.”)

8:28 AM Laurence/Zac (2nd)
9:40 AM Jeremy/Sandy (3rd) – and Jeremy reminds us that they are using the race to work on their relationship. Not the best use of time, in my opinion. Sandy: “We’re going to Bucket!”
9:41 AM Justin/Jennifer (4th)
9:42 AM Ernie/Cindy (5th)
9:46 AM Amani/Marcus (6th) – who have 4 kids that they want to show the world to.
9:56 AM Bill/Cathi (7th) – and Cathi reminds us that they are the oldest team in the race.
10:05 AM Liz/Marie (8th) – who lost their father right before filming.

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Laurence/Zac
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Ernie/Cindy
5- Justin/Jennifer
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

The Snowboarders and Adventurers were the first teams at the airport, and manage to get on a 9:40 AM flight to Jakarta on Garuda Indonesia. (Toyouke: “Uh...I hope flying to Jakarta is a good idea. Did they not get at least backup tickets to Phuket?”) When they get to Jakarta, however, they find out that the direct flight to Phuket is full, and must fly to Bangkok first, putting them into Phuket at 7:40 PM. (Toyouke: “Always buy backup tickets, people. You could be on the flight with everyone else.”) The other six teams manage to secure tickets on Air Asia to Jakarta and then on to Phuket, putting them into Phuket at 6:50 PM. So the Amazing Red and Blue Lines arrive in Phuket in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Liz/Marie – who we find out never changed their money from Indonesian to Thai. That could be an issue later. (Toyouke: “Also exchange your money.”)
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Ernie/Cindy
5- Justin/Jennifer
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Laurence/Zac
8- Andy/Tommy

Teams now race by taxi to Nonthasak Marine and arrive in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Liz/Marie – who convince their cab driver to let them not pay for the ride.
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Justin/Jennifer
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Andy/Tommy
8- Laurence/Zac

Teams arrive, and face the first Hours of Operation of the Race, since the pier does not open until 8 AM. But when it does, teams race out to the pier and grab their next clues in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Amani/Marcus
3- Justin/Jennifer
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Laurence/Zac
7- Liz/Marie
8- Bill/Cathi

(Toyouke: “Also, what the hell has happened to the clue boxes?”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Coral OR Beach
*Coral: Teams must take a motorboat to Khai Nai Island. Once there, teams build a coral nursery and then transport it by kayak to a buoy, lower it into the water, and fill it with live coral in order to get their next clue from the marine biologist.
*Beach: Teams must take a motorboat to Khai Nai Island. Once there, teams find 20 chairs and 10 umbrellas with the sticker from their clue on it and assemble the umbrellas and chairs to match the given arrangement. Once complete, the proctor will give them their next clue.

1- Andy/Tommy choose Coral
2- Amani/Marcus choose Coral – but Bald Snark to Beach after their nursery falls apart. (Toyouke: “What? You pick things your kids are familiar with and that's why you picked coral? Because you and your kids watched a thing on the tsunami? You make no sense.”)
3- Justin/Jennifer choose Coral
4- Jeremy/Sandy choose Coral – but Bald Snark to Beach after their nursery falls apart.
5- Ernie/Cindy choose Beach
6- Laurence/Zac choose Beach – because they initially chose Coral, but went the wrong way.
7- Liz/Marie choose Beach – because they were lifeguards.
8- Bill/Cathi choose Coral – but Bald Snark to Beach after their nursery falls apart.

(Toyouke: “I think Bald Snarkers have an advantage because several teams have already partially cleaned out the shed.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy – (Toyouke: “Who would have thought the snowboarders would end up being one of the smarter, less failure prone teams?” Kmanpat: *raises hand*)
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Laurence/Zac
5- Amani/Marcus
6- Jeremy/Sandy
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

Teams receive a medallion and a compass and are told to take their motorboats 13 minutes North to the pictured object, Soap Island. (Toyouke: “This clue is too complicated for this group.“) They arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer – Jennifer: “One Eyed, Willie, we’re coming for you!” Justin: “Goonies are good enough!”
3- Laurence/Zac
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Ernie/Cindy – who go south instead of north. Really?
7- Bill/Cathi – Cathi: “"We're supposed to keep the Roadblocks even but if it's going to keep us in the race, then screw it." (Toyouke: “I kind of like that philosophy.”)
8- Liz/Marie

And once they arrive, teams get the fourth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who wants to be king of the hill?

In this roadblock, one team member must climb the face of Koh Yao Noi Island to retrieve a clue from a bird’s nest.

(Toyouke: “Pff, that's not "sheer".”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Andy
2- Jennifer
3- Zac
4- Amani
5- Jeremy
6- Ernie
7- Bill
8- Marie

After much climbing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Laurence/Zac
4- Amani/Marcus
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Ernie/Cindy
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

Teams are now instructed to direct their motorboat drivers via the provided map to Koh Panyi floating village. (Toyouke: “OK, the helicopter shot when you come around the rock and all of a sudden there's a floating village was pretty impressive.”) Teams are then instructed to find the floating soccer field, the PIT STOP of the fourth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Andy/Tommy – who win $5000 each.
2- Justin/Jennifer
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Laurence/Zac – who get lost while navigating a boat. Really? (Toyouke: “I think it's an issue because for all your "experience" in navigation, from what I saw of the map, you should have gone northwest instead of northeast.”)
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie

And sadly, Liz and Marie . . . come in last. Which means, this is the second of four non-elimination legs, and the twins will have a Speed Bump on the next leg. (Toyouke: “People who take THREE DAMN HOURS to set up 20 deck chairs and umbrellas should get eliminated. Seriously.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Andy/Tommy
2nd – Justin/Jennifer
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy
4th – Laurence/Zac
5th – Ernie/Cindy
6th – Amani/Marcus
7th – Bill/Cathi
8th – Liz/Marie

Next week: Teams travel to Bangkok, where they ride elephants. Jeremy and Sandy continue to yell at each other. And, as predicted, the twins run into money trouble. Until next time!

Project Runway 10/13/11--"The Finale Challenge" summary

2011-10-13T21:48:00.001-05:00

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make dresses based on birds, which was not really that bad, but then there was a stupid twist of making a second look, and then they had ANOTHER twist of only using one of their looks, which I think was a last minute thing so that certain people could be saved from their horrid outfits. Josh scrapped one look and had to ask Anya for fabric, and she refused, leading him to get self-righteous about how he deserves her help because she’s gotten so much before. On the “After the Runway” show, he really went to town and said that he deserved to win that challenge more than Anya because he has school loans to pay off, and also that helping her with her sewing is exactly like giving her money, because he paid for that education and she’s getting it for free. When Laura Bennett pointed out to him that he looks like an ass, he lost it and went on a diatribe about how he didn’t care and she was a horrible person, which might have worked better had he not decided to throw in that she was twice his age. Has nothing to do with anything, but good job, dumbass. He also said no one was attacking anyone else but him, but everyone did tell Anya that they were pissed she was getting away with everything. And Anya just agreed that if she was them, she’d be pissed too. Anyway, in the end Anya won the money and the advertorial, and Bert was sent home. (click for more)

Josh talks about how sad he is that Bert is gone and how great it was that he is such a great person that he likes Bert now. He also bitches to Viktor about Anya and Kimberly not being as good as he thinks they should be. I have news for you, Josh, if you weren’t such good drama you wouldn’t be here right now. She’s designed things. You’ve over designed things. Anya says she feels a lot of pressure.

Heidi tells them this is the final challenge before Fashion Week. Who wants to place bets that all five of them go through to next week’s episode? She sends them to Governor’s Island for a field trip. On the ferry, Josh and his tight floral board shorts and combat boots (oh, you think I am kidding but I am not kidding) tell us this is the first time he’s congratulated himself. Uh huh. Anya has Uggs on too. Jeez. Terrible. Tim welcomes everyone and introduces them to people in charge of the island and the artwork there. It seems to be a sculpture park? I’m not familiar with Governor’s Island. There’s an exhibition there with huge works in a big field. They must create 3 looks, and there must be a range. So don’t make three gowns. They will get 1 hour, a golf cart, and a camera. Two days to sew, because there are 3 outfits to make.

Kimberly likes a silver sculpture like a pretzel. Josh is drawn to the “artillerary” and chapel. He pretends the stained glass was beautiful, but I saw him looking at the cannon. Laura is taking pictures of circles. Like the bike path symbol and circles in the fences and stuff. Viktor wants something metropolitan. Anya is also taking pictures of sculpture. That was the idea, I guess.

$500 and 45 minutes at Mood. Laura for some reason is talking about buying things and spending money as if she’s going to run out. Anya is just buying random things with no idea how it’s going to work together yet. Laura ends up close to $700.

Kimberly discovers her wool is not exactly the right color. Laura is excited she’s found some fabric with circular cut outs. Tim enters with the velvet bag and everyone freaks out. He says to ‘gather round, and sarcastically says they all love the button bag! Tim says they could use some help, so this is the “eliminated contestants return” challenge. Josh pretends this is fantastic. He hates almost everyone there. Kimberly gets to choose first, and she takes Becky, who is glad because Becky hates everyone else. Viktor takes Olivier. Laura picks out Anthony Ryan. Josh and Anya are left, and Josh laughs, or smirks, or something, and Anya says “Don’t fight with me.” Oooookay. Josh tells her she’s aggressive, and she says it’s a joke and he should relax. That was weird. Of course Anya is picked next, and she takes Bert, who says he’s so happy she picked him. Bryce is slightly worried. Tim tells them all the challenge and leaves them to their fun.

Everyone tells their helpers about their vision. Anya specifically says she does not want to go in Laura’s direction with her cut outs. It’s not particularly bitchy, though. Bryce is trying to tell Josh his designs are over designed as always, but I don’t think Josh is listening. He asks Josh if Laura is also doing a stained glass cut out type thing, and Josh says he doesn’t care because “she has nothing on me”. Bryce notices that when he left, everyone was getting along, and now they’re barely speaking. Josh insists he can totally do clean work. HA! “Oh, you don’t have to add anything to it, that would be so stupid, I can’t believe you would think that.” So now that you don’t have stained glass, your design is about a cannon. Or a church, possibly. Bert thinks Anya is the most creative one left. He jokes with her that her design is fine, he gets paid by the hour. Laura is taking a lot of advice from Anthony Ryan. She’s designing for the judges at this point. Olivier is also trying to give advice, but Viktor is not having it. Olivier complains about it, but he really has no options. He should have refused to do it, or claimed illness, or something.
Josh whispers about how Anya is a terrible person because the judges love her. They do love her, but it’s not like she’s paying them bribes or something. Aim your anger at the producers where it belongs. They make it seem like she can totally hear them but I don’t know that she can. Bryce knows Josh is always jealous when he doesn’t win. The more he complains, the worse he looks to everyone.

Day 2. People are getting things done. Kimberly is changing her mind. Anya is drawing things but her sketches are not accurate enough for Bert. She basically tells him she can’t be more accurate. Josh babbles about plastic. Kimberly interviews that she would LOVE for him to put more plastic on his outfits, because the more plastic he uses, the better for her.

Tim time! Laura gets a concerned look and a suggestion that she have less circle cutout fabric. Kimberly has an asymmetric coat and Tim asks her about if she is “responding favorably” to the wool and the textured pants together. Viktor has something to say about everyone. Whatever. She’s also got some silvery thing and Tim says “Statue of Liberty”. Kimberly promises it will not be Statue of Liberty. Tim loves Viktor’s looks and he gets nothing but praise. Josh’s outfits look pretty clean for him. And some vinyl I think. Tim wants him to take risks. Anya is making some pants, and two dresses. Josh declares that in his opinion, everyone should have a jacket to show range. No one put you in charge.

Model fitting. Kimberly discovers her pants are far too small, and her model’s ass is hanging out. And one of her models has nothing to try on because she changed her mind this morning. Josh whispers about Anya’s critique and how they should have told her to make separates, and SERIOUSLY shut the hell up. No one is being swayed to your side. You look like an obsessive whiny brat. Bryce tells him to focus. Kimberly is glad to have help to make her looks. Viktor joins in Josh’s whining about Anya. She can’t help if the judges love her for no reason. Laura is slowly losing it. Now she’s talking about how she’s dreamed since she was 13 years old that she would show at Fashion Week, which is not a good sign for her. And now she was “destined” to do this. Yeah…not a good sign.

Day of the show. Kimberly is scrapping the pants that didn’t fit. So now she has to make a skirt, on top of all the finishing. Anya says she’s pushing herself to the limit, but she always says that. Tim gives them 2 hours to finish. There have been a ton of shots of Anya asking Bert what to do and of him teaching her whatever sewing techniques. Laura also scraps her pants and makes a skirt last minute. Hair and makeup. Laura complains that you can’t wash Kimberly’s clothes. Really? Is that what we’re reduced to? I’m tired of listening to people complain about how everyone else sucks. It’s not even funny. Bert says one of Josh’s girls needs a baton and a superhero cape. See? That was kind of funny. The sleeves on Kimberly’s coat are not working. Laura’s fit is bad, and she says she would never do that, but offers no explanation about why she’s doing it now. Anya is seriously putting the dress on her model, and finding all the problems with it, now that Tim is telling her to come out.

Guest judge is Zoë Saldana. She has a red pantsuit with a halter top and looks fantastic. Josh: white short dress with black illusion netting on the top and a cutout in back. It’s very simple and has severe styling. Second look: short silver metallic skirt, cut full, with a black vest. Under the vest is a red and blue horizontal striped tank, that looks like the blue stripes have little white stars. Oh, it’s a studded tank top. The skirt is very full like an ice skating costume. Third look: black tank and silver draped over one shoulder and a long skirt in silver. THIS is Statue of Liberty. The black doesn’t really go.

Kimberly: melon coat with a tall collar and a big gray scarf. It looks good. The buttons are down one side, not in the middle. Second look: silver skirt with a poof on one thigh and a beaded belt. The top is a tight halter top with a high collar and a big keyhole in the middle. Third look: same silver, but a whole dress with folding so there’s a swag at one hip. It looks like silver metal mesh. And it’s pretty short.

Laura: blazer in cream with the circles and a white skirt. The skirt looks like it’s pulled tight in front but loose in the back, sort of like a bustle. The blazer has no shirt underneath and has black lapels. Second look: a plain long dress in rose, with black trim and no circles. It’s boring. And has a mullet hem. Third look: long gown with the circles. The cutouts go over her shoulders and make little cap sleeves, and there is a white slim gown underneath.

Anya: short black dress, with a mullet hem only backwards so the front is longer than the back. There is a high collar that’s draped. The whole dress looks backwards, basically, but I guess that’s on purpose. Second look: long red loose pants and a one shouldered top. The pants are chiffon I think, and the top is more structured. It looks good. Third look: long white dress slit up to her hip, with the same high collar and draping as the black dress.

Viktor: tight slim pants and a long sleeved cropped jacket in leather with ruffles. Think one of those cardigans that doesn’t have buttons, that’s just supposed to drape. The sleeves are black and the center is a lighter gray. Second look: button down short sleeved shirt in a black and white plaid and a black pencil skirt. The skirt has a sweep of fabric along one side, like a big swag. Third look: little black dress. I can’t see anything exciting about it but it looks well made.

Josh talks about the military but does not say “artillerary” again. Kors thinks it’s too much diversity, because the same woman would not wear all three outfits. The draped gown looks cheap and Statue of Liberty. Heidi asks him if he was attracted to the silver because it was shiny. Hee. He gets offended and asks if that’s an assumption. She’s asking you a question. Say no and let’s move on. Kors points out that too much shine can look cheap.

Kimberly sounds like she’s about to cry, I think she’s so nervous. The silver dress has hot pink shoes that get praise. But the orange coat doesn’t work, and Kors doesn’t like the colors. Heidi gets the same criticism Josh did, that these looks don’t go together. Nina wishes the skirt with the keyhole top was just plain, and Kimberly shoots back that if it was normal, they’d complain that it was normal. That’s probably true. Kimberly keeps talking and says that she’s glad to be there and she appreciates everything they are saying and so forth. Heidi asks if she’s saying goodbye already, and she says that no, she’s not, she already knew what was wrong with her looks.

Laura talks about circles, and they show a close-up of the rose dress and it’s terrible. The fabric looks wrinkled and it doesn’t fit her chest right and it’s bad. She also admits to being nervous and how she has been dreaming of this all her life and so forth. Heidi is like, OK, moving on. The gown was great, but the blazer isn’t quite right. The rose dress doesn’t go with the other two. She admits the skirt with the blazer is last minute. Kors tells her she choked.

Anya is talking about shapes and angles and how her clothes are interesting from multiple angles. Of course they love it. Nina points out it looks like a concise collection, which is true. The white dress is kind of like a sheet, says Heidi. Kors thinks she knows how to match clothes to the model and that she understands women’s bodies, and I would argue she understands women with bodies like hers, but I can see where he’s coming from. This is why it would be different if Tim was judging, because he would know she had so many problems with the white dress. Zoë says the white gown is like a condom.

Viktor was attracted by the city. Nina loves Viktor’s stuff, but maybe he could turn up the volume a little. The draping on the pencil skirt is a nice touch, but Zoë talks about the boning on the black dress that looks uncomfortable. I can’t see it at all. Kors says this is the most commercial, and before last season that would be a horrible thing, but of course Gretchen.

Now that the models are gone, everyone must plead for their life! Not really, but you know what I mean. Josh wants time to do research and “focus [his] fabric” and then battle Viktor and Anya. What? He says she’s “free” because she’s untrained that then says with a straight face that he respects that about her. Bitch please. You want her there so you can win and rub it in her face. Kimberly wants to “change the face of fashion” with Anya (who has grown) and Laura, because the three of them would show a different Fashion Week. Anya has a solid point of view, that is unique. She says that Josh is the opposite of her, despite his editing issues, because he thinks about it differently. She would also take Viktor because his work already has an audience. Interesting. Laura cries again about how much she wants to be a designer. She would take Viktor and Anya. Viktor at first didn’t want to design, but now he does and loves it. He would take Josh, and also Anya. He says his choice of Anya is based just on design. They don’t care. They just make you do that in the hopes that you’ll go back to the Scrap Bin and have a fight.

Anya has great styling and taste, she’s grown in her point of view, they love her clothes, etc etc. Viktor’s sewing skills are impeccable and women would buy his clothes in a heartbeat. Today was subdued, but they remember him with the volume turned up, so to speak. Josh’s silver gown doesn’t get much praise, but Kors thinks with time to edit he would be fine. Nina says they’re editorial, even if the taste is questionable. He would have too much time at home to put random shit on his garments, but he has ideas and at least it’s fun. Laura can make clothes, but Nina says she has no range. Zoë points out that at least she placed the circles intelligently, instead of over the boobs. Good point. Heidi wants to give her extra points because she cried. Kimberly tried to challenge herself, and it didn’t go well. They talk about her past successes, and then bitch that she didn’t make any pants. She wanted range, and you kept asking her for pants, and then hers were messed up so she didn’t make any. Like you wouldn’t have been like “oh, pants from Kimberly, ho hum boring”. Kors gets the girl who owns this collection. Heidi pretends they are going to decide right then and there if there are going to be 3 or 4 finale collections, as if there weren’t NINE because Lifetime can’t count episodes.

Anya is in, and if you didn’t see that coming you haven’t been paying attention. She pretends she didn’t see it coming. Viktor is in. Josh is in. Shocking. He starts babbling about writing his book, and people will be able to look him up or something. Honey they’re not going to like what they find. Laura is out. Kimberly is in but Heidi says “you are designing and will return to New York” so it’s probably that “make a collection and we’ll decide last minute”. Laura is surprised, didn’t think she should go, etc. I suppose I’ll hear about her again, as she’s from here. Tim asks for a group hug from the final four.

After the Runway, oo girl. Kimberly totally jumps on Laura because Laura apparently has been saying that she’s a “real” person, but she badmouths Kimberly all the time. Anya tries to stick up for Laura, but Kimberly claims she never said anything bad about the girls, as evidenced by the lack of comments shown during the show. Laura also tries to claim Nina had it out for her from the beginning, but Nina has impeccable taste so if she doesn’t like your taste level, your taste level is the problem. Becky and Olivier come out so we can watch Josh’s and Becky’s fight again and Josh can make a very inappropriate joke about how she must have taken a nap like he told her to. Do you even understand what an ass you look like right now? Do you have no idea? I don’t think he does. He tries to run the show and say that all this drama doesn’t help their careers, probably because he looks pretty bad. However he does sit quietly as Becky basically blames him for her exit, because he was so hostile and he made it clear she didn’t belong and it threw her. He doesn’t apologize, but he does nod and keep his mouth shut so that’s something. After commercial he actually says that he knows he didn’t respond in the best way, but then talks about how he’s more insecure than she is. I’m waiting for an apology, but he just reminds Becky they won that challenge so she should consider herself a winner. How are you so blind to general social norms that you can’t tell you should apologize here? OK, clearing the air time! They talk about the random “girl pact” and how they claimed that they promised to tell each other when their clothes were bad, but then talked themselves out of it. Kimberly of course is pretty upset because she was upholding this pact. Laura interrupts her and says it’s not her fault because she wanted to tell Kimberly. Please. Anya tells everyone that she felt sick watching the episodes and she apologizes to everyone for the things she said. See, that’s how it’s done. Anyone else have anything else to say? Josh says he’s learning because he’s so young and he wants everyone to know he’s not an ass, really he’s sensitive and all this asshattery is a wall because everyone picks on him. If it hurts you to be called a bully, then DON’T ACT LIKE A BULLY. Finally he apologizes to Becky, who says she accepts it. Maybe. I don’t buy it totally, but what else are you going to do? Becky, not Josh. Then there is Uncle Nick! Yay! He asks about Olivier’s accent, and I will say it sounds different from when he was on the show. It’s more Cockney now. I don’t know. Also, boobs. Laura likes to spend money. Anya says her success shocked her as much as everyone else, because of her lack of skills, and she understands the frustration. Nick gives Laura a hug for being part of “The Five Crew”, people who are eliminated 5th. Hee.

Next week: home visits, Tim wants to weep, Anya freaks out. I think it’s the usual “show us a few looks so we can decide if we want to see the rest” challenge.

Top Chef: Just Desserts 10/12/11--"Step Right Up" summary

2011-10-12T22:29:00.001-05:00

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: donuts. That part was not super exciting, because donuts look good even if they taste nasty. But in a twist someone was sent home after the Quickfire, that someone being Megan, because she used so much glaze she glued the donuts to the plate. Then everyone has to make chocolate desserts, and a showpiece, but both showpieces were random “contemporary” designs. Each team got to taste the other team’s desserts so of course Chris and Orlando thought everyone else was horrid. In the end Katzie went home for making a dessert that was too big, which, whatever. (click for more)

Sally is the last girl. She of course wants to beat all the boys. Chris gets a phone call home, and reminds us all that his daughter has a congenital heart defect and he left her at home to come on this show. He would like the money to pay medical bills with.

Gail greets them with François Payard, whom they all recognize. Today’s Quickfire is to bake a pie. Mm…pie. Oh, but that’s so easy! You should be able to do that with one hand tied behind your back! Gail says they will have to “channel your inner Rebecca” to bake pies one-handed. Heh. Of course. Winner gets $5000. Of course Chris would like some money.

90 minutes to cook. Everyone gets an oven mitt, and they just have to hold it behind their back this whole time, I guess. Orlando is irritated and says “All this for Frenchie? Yeah.” Sally helps him put a glove on. Then she has to chop up plums with one hand. Carlos uses his stomach to hold some fruit, and Orlando is slicing open a water bottle. He’s making mixed berry pie because he knows he can’t peel fruit one-handed. Chris gets Matthew to help him fill a pastry bag. Carlos doesn’t have time to set his lemon curd, so he’s using liquid nitrogen. Apparently he uses it so much everyone feels the need to make a comment about it. Matthew is torching meringue and uses his “illegal” hand to move the plate around or something. He hopes no one saw him.

Orlando: raspberry, blueberry, blackberry, and strawberry pie. The meringue looks fantastic. Sally: red plum and strawberry double crusted pie with white chocolate chantilly. Chris: banana cream pie with banana caramel. Carlos: raspberry lemon meringue pie. It looks cool. Matthew: ooohhhhh, Gail knows he cheated. He’s pissed, but rules are rules.

Sally’s dough was too tough and there was too much dough? And the chantilly cream was bad? François I think just wanted pie, not cream or ice cream or anything. Chris had too much cream and not enough banana. Orlando’s pie was homey and well done. Carlos’s pie had the best balance. And Carlos wins. He’s got a ton of money. Orlando bitches that Carlos “and his liquid nitrogen” won again.

Elimination challenge: carnival! Not Carnival, which would be fun too. But a carnival hosted by Dana Cowin, which is upscale and needs upscale carnival food.

This challenge for some reason involves shopping at Sur La Table, with $400. Nice. Sally is using caramel corn for her dessert. Matthew (who was an adorable child) is making fried apple pie and is also buying pigs. Orlando has to put things back as he’s bought too much.

3 hours to cook. For 150 people. That kind of sucks. Chris has decided to make funnel cake ice cream, and vanilla as a backup, so he takes all the Pacojet things and hogs them. Jerk. That’s, like, 12 containers. Sally claims to be above petty emotions like anger. She’s talking in confessional about being a woman and how tough it is and how she’s won awards and stuff like that. Orlando grew up in the Virgin Islands and didn’t have state fairs and stuff. He’s making a thin layer cake with candy apple flavor. Carlos is making macarons, or possibly macaroons, the coconut kind. But French, so maybe macarons. I’m not sure.

Johnny comes in to bug everyone. He demands that Chris’s funnel cake ice cream taste authentic enough that people can identify it without being told it’s funnel cake. Orlando has a list of a million things, many of which are things like chocolate that don’t exist in a candy apple. And it won’t look like a candy apple. Orlando knows he maybe didn’t think about how maybe people would like to hear “candy apple“ and taste “candy apple“, but is continuing with his plan. Johnny points out that François is like, king of macarons or whatever, and so Carlos has possibly screwed himself. I mean, if he can pull it off, he’s golden, but it has to be awesome. He’s running out of time. Lots of running around today. When time is called Sally realizes that she’s left her pudding in the freezer. She says it’ll break by tomorrow morning.

The boys play “I Never”. Well, Carlos, Orlando, and Matthew. Matthew says he hopes it doesn’t end up on TV, and then laughs because he knows he just guaranteed he’ll be on TV. Orlando says something about being handcuffed to a bed. Carlos says “Never have I ever wanted to punch Johnny in the face” and Orlando drinks. Matthew is like “Oh, OK”, as if this is nothing.

2 hours to cook. Orlando claims to not be hung over. Sally’s corn pudding is rock hard. Carlos’s macarons are rock hard and terrible. He doesn’t have time to make more so he’s making angel food cake. Sally has to defrost the pudding and re-puree. Everyone wants to go home to their wives and families. Matthew talks about being almost there and that worries me because I like Matthew.

1 hour to set up. The gardens look cool. Chris is the first table by the doors, and even though there’s a line, he’s got funnel cake, so it‘s better if it doesn‘t sit. Matthew is babbling about pigs. He says he’s raffling off the clay pigs he bought at Sur La Table, and some random woman says she put her name in, and her phone number. Atta girl!

Dana is here to judge along with Hubert. Sally: white corn brown butter cake with corn pudding and peanut ice cream. The pudding isn’t super sweet but Sally wants it that way. François is here too. Carlos: sesame angel food cake “burger”, churro “fries”, and strawberry-lemon soda. It’s playful. Chris: funnel cake ice cream, sable Breton, strawberries, funnel cake, and mint foam. A sable Breton is like a shortbread cookie. Boo, foam. He claims no one minds waiting for him to plate his complicated dish. Matthew: fried caramel apple pie, apple carpaccio, and vanilla ice cream. The apples are still tart. Orlando: chocolate apple entremet with apple sorbet. Remember this is “candy apple”. Dana has to ask what his inspiration is. They want a crack of candy. This is a man who made a “root beer float” and got nailed for making a warm brownie, and apparently didn’t learn from that. Matthew auctions off his pigs and girls are all giggly and excited. “Who doesn’t love pig?” Hee.

Matthew and Sally get called up first. They are the top! Matthew’s pie was well cooked and everything was well balanced. Sally’s dessert showed corn in multiple dimensions, plus peanuts in the ice cream. Matthew wins again. He’s feeling like he can win the whole thing.

The other three are the bottom. Orlando didn’t have enough apple flavor, because he insisted on including chocolate. Johnny asks him about it, and Orlando says he likes chocolate in desserts and also he thought the chocolate would enhance the apple. Huh? Chocolate doesn’t really enhance anything. Tastes good, though. The layers in the cake weren’t perfect either. Carlos tells them he refused to serve the crappy macarons he made, which probably won him some points, but the angel food cake was sticky because of the weather, and it had a weird texture when trying to eat the “burger”. And the churros were cold. Oh, boo, cold churros. It was fun and carnival-like, but the execution failed. Chris says he thinks he did a good job. Most of the guests didn’t like the strawberry agar jelly. He had a lot going on. Chris also claims that once he told people the jelly had seaweed in it, they said that was cool.

Carlos gets back to the Stew Room and claims he won and Matthew lost. Heh. Orlando had a chocolate dessert and claimed it was a candy apple, which irritated everyone. The judges feel that “I like chocolate” isn’t a good enough reason to make something with chocolate, and also the layers should have been perfect. Carlos had a lot of problems, and he had too many things to do for 150 guests. Chris’s funnel cake ice cream didn’t taste like funnel cake. He also should have cut back on the number of components. Gail and Johnny think cold macerated strawberries in mint syrup would have been better than warm sautéed strawberries and mint foam.

Commercial interlude: Sally thinks the final five should open a pastry shop together. She has named them “The Fantastic Five” and stereotyped them into nicknames. Carlos = “Nitro Man”, Chris = “Paco Boy”, Orlando = “Chocolate Man”, and Matthew is “Master Foamer” which sounds super dirty. Chris says Sally is a team of one because she works alone, only he says it in a vaguely racist accent.

Carlos is sent home without fanfare. Aww. He won a ton of money though. He’s upset he didn’t win. Everyone seems choked up about it.

Next week: I have no idea what is going on. Other than that it seems like someone decided to make something simple, and they made it perfectly, but it’s too late in the game to play it safe.

TAR19, Recap Leg 3, 10/9/11

2011-10-10T20:58:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on I Can’t Be Bothered to Read This Sign On My Way to the Pit Stop, teams raced from Taipei to Yogakarta, Indonesia. There is dancing, descending, and direction! And, as usual, the lack of reading skills causes a ridiculous shake up in the order. Two teams are eliminated, and we finally get down to nine. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
2nd – Laurence/Zac, The Adventurers
3rd – Kaylani/Lisa, Team Showgirl
4th – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
5th – Liz/Marie, Twinderellas
6th – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
7th – Bill/Cathi, The Grandparents
8th – Justin/Jennifer, Team Patience
9th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football

Kraton Palace, Yogakarta, Indonesia

7:38 AM Andy/Tommy (1st) – Clue: Take a Colonial Bike Ride! Ride with a brigade of Dutch Colonial Reenactors to Fort Vredeburg to get your next clue.

(Toyouke: “So...the Dutch like bicycles?”)

7:57 AM Laurence/Zac (2nd) – Laurence: “We put Lance Armstrong to shame!”
8:02 AM Kaylani/Lisa (3rd) – Kaylani: “I’m doing this for my daughter, since I’m a single mom.”
8:14 AM Ernie/Cindy (4th) – Cindy: “I’m a control freak!” Yes, girl, we know.
8:18 AM Liz/Marie (5th)
8:21 AM Jeremy/Sandy (6th)
8:22 AM Bill/Cathi (7th) – Cathi: “We’re forty years older than the youngest team!” (Toyouke: “Well I'm glad Cindy has planned so well, although READING LESSONS maybe would have been a good idea.”)
8:31 AM Justin/Jennifer (8th) – who can’t ride a bike. (Toyouke: “Who fails at BIKE RIDING??”)
8:32 AM Amani/Marcus (9th)

Teams finish their bike ride and arrive at Fort Vredeburg in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Laurence/Zac
3- Kaylani/Lisa
4- Liz/Marie
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Justin/Jennifer
8- Ernie/Cindy – who lost a bicycle pedal and had to have it repaired. (Auburnium0513: "Does that count as a reason to get a replacement vehicle? It's not his fault it broke...")
9- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to travel by taxi to Salakmelang Village and find Lesehan Restaurant to get their next clue. (Toyouke: “I always get nervous when they have to go to a restaurant.“) Teams take their taxis and arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Laurence/Zac
3- Justin/Jennifer
4- Jeremy/Sandy
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Bill/Cathi
7- Kaylani/Lisa
8- Liz/Marie
9- Amani/Marcus

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Rice Field OR Grass Fed
*Rice Field: Teams must deliver a traditional meal to rice paddy workers and then plant 300 rice seedlings while the workers eat. Once complete, teams get their clue from the farmers.
*Grass Fed: Teams must fill 2 grass bags completely full, pick up 2 sheep and take all four items to a pen area. Then, teams use a maximum of two buckets to fill up a trough of water using six buckets worth from the well in order to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “This Detour seems lopsided. Or is it a Strong/Long choice? Is that a choice? Like Reckless/Chicken? Strong/Long? If not, I'm claiming it.”)

1- Andy/Tommy choose Grass Fed
2- Laurence/Zac choose Grass Fed – who use four buckets instead of two. Oops. (Toyouke: “Oh...I wonder if anyone will care about failing to read the clue.”)
3- Justin/Jennifer choose Grass Fed
4- Jeremy/Sandy choose Grass Fed
5- Ernie/Cindy choose Grass Fed
6- Bill/Cathi choose Grass Fed – and Cathi keeps falling into the rice paddy. (Toyouke: “I love that Bill and Cathi just picked up the sheep like it was nothing. I TOLD you, farmers.”)
7- Kaylani/Lisa choose Rice Field – (Auburnium0513: “First time planting rice? Really? I'm shocked!”)
8- Liz/Marie choose Rice Field
9- Amani/Marcus choose Grass Fed – and then, in our first Bald Snark of the season, switch to Rice Field after not getting enough grass.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Laurence/Zac
3- Liz/Marie
4- Kaylani/Lisa
5- Jeremy/Sandy
6- Ernie/Cindy
7- Justin/Jennifer
8- Bill/Cathi
9- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to Borobudur Temple and climb the stairs to the top to get their next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Laurence/Zac
2- Andy/Tommy – (Toyouke: “I like that the snowboarders asked for permission to run first.”)
3- Liz/Marie
4- Kaylani/Lisa
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Justin/Jennifer
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Jeremy/Sandy – whose cab broke down, forcing them to run the last kilometer to the temple.
9- Amani/Marcus – who picked a bad taxi driver and got rid of him when they got to the temple.

Teams get to the top of the temple in the following order.

1- Laurence/Zac
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Kaylani/Lisa
4- Liz/Marie
5- Bill/Cathi
6- Ernie/Cindy
7- Justin/Jennifer
8- Jeremy/Sandy
9- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the third roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s prepared to follow the path to Buddha?

In this roadblock, one team member must count Buddha statues, each having a different hand position. Each position represents one of the five mudras, representing the five main compass points. Roadblockers must count each mudra separately and then give their numbers and hand positions to the proctor (17 West, 17 North, 17 East, 18 South) to get their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Laurence – who works with . . .
2- Tommy
3- Lisa – who ends up working with Marcus.
4- Marie – who works with Ernie, Justin and Jeremy.
5- Bill – who is the only one to figure it out on his own.
6- Ernie
7- Justin
8- Jeremy
9- Marcus – who was told the answer by Tommy when they were leaving. (Toyouke: “How do you get the answer given to you and YOU FORGET IT!?!?!”)

(Auburnium0513: “Reading doesn't seem to be a strong skill this season.”) After much counting and gesturing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Laurence/Zac
2- Andy/Tommy – (Toyouke: “How is it that only Laurence and the snowboarder knew to separate the different hand positions?”)
3- Bill/Cathi - (Toyouke: “I love that Bill apparently thought it wasn't enough to do the hand gestures, he had to get down on the ground too.”)
4- Justin/Jennifer
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Liz/Marie
7- Jeremy/Sandy
8- Kaylani/Lisa
9- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to walk back to the mat on the grounds of Borobudur Temple, the PIT STOP of the third leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

However, many teams have to go back and pay their taxis first. . . (Toyouke: “Hmm...interesting. You don't know if this is the last task, or if the Pit Stop is somewhere else so you will still need your cab. It's a risk.”)

1- Andy/Tommy – who win a trip for 2 to Dubai. (Toyouke: “Andy and Tommy, second week in a row of being Team #1 because someone else can't read.”)
2- Laurence/Zac – who should have been first, except they can’t read their clues.
3- Jeremy/Sandy
4- Justin/Jennifer
5- Ernie/Cindy
6- Amani/Marcus
7- Bill/Cathi
8- Liz/Marie
9- Kaylani/Lisa

And sadly, Kaylani and Lisa are finally eliminated. Kaylani feels like she let her daughter down. I think the 4 year old will get over it.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Andy/Tommy
2nd – Laurence/Zac
3rd – Jeremy/Sandy
4th – Justin/Jennifer
5th – Ernie/Cindy
6th – Amani/Marcus
7th – Bill/Cathi
8th – Liz/Marie

Next week: Thailand! Boats! Climbing! Umbrellas! Until next time!

Project Runway 10/6/11--"This Is for the Birds" summary

2011-10-06T23:19:00.002-05:00

Previously on Project Runway: because apparently the band challenge wasn’t retro enough, we had to make “sophisticated 70s” clothes. Anya lost her money, but it didn’t matter because the next day they had to make a second look and they got more money. I saw some speculation that the second look was a last minute effort to prevent Anya from being totally screwed over, so that she wouldn’t have to be sent home. Wouldn’t be surprising. Of course Anya wins, and gets her jumpsuit produced for Piperlime. Bert had his dress sold too, but he didn’t win, so what was the deal with having two winners that time they did the New Balance challenge? With Josh? Anyway, then Anthony Ryan was sent home. (click for more)

Why on the “previously” segment is there a clip of Josh saying he’d like to spend more time with Bert?

Laura says the obligatory “now I know it’s real because everyone is so good” statement. Viktor thinks that Josh is the only one would could beat him, but Josh has serious editing issues.

Heidi pretends the judges have a difficult time kicking people out. She says this challenge involves “spreading your wings”. Uh huh. Someone speculates skydiving. But back in the workroom are Tim, Collier Strong, and several birds. Why can’t hot makeup guy do this? He’s the one actually DOING THINGS. These birds are loud, too. Tim looks vaguely nervous. The challenge is to be inspired by the birds for a “high fashion runway look”. Advertorial as the prize. Someone at L’Oreal decided to base makeup colors off of birds. Also that raven looks vicious. The winner will also get $20,000 cash. They will have to be “placed” in pairs. Kimberly is over the team challenges, and girl I am with you. Anya and Laura are paired up, and also Josh and Bert, and Viktor and Kimberly. Bert says he and Josh are OK now. Each pair will design for a bird, random selection. Anya and Laura get the raven, Josh and Bert the parrot (dear God, the crazy shit Josh is going to come up with), and Viktor and Kimberly get the cockatoo. No one gets the owl, which is too bad. Of course there is more. Tim reveals that this isn’t a team, this is a head-to-head competition. Actually I don’t mind that twist. One person from each pair will be on the top, and the other on the bottom. Kimberly points out they only have to worry about one other person.

I am sure there will be feathers somewhere. Bert hates the green and yellow parrot. Kimberly has already made a bird dress with feathers for the avant garde challenge. Josh wants to wear the bird.

30 minutes and $300 at Mood. Anya is working outside her comfort zone again. Is EVERYTHING outside her comfort zone? Oh, Josh is buying giant ostrich plumes in colors. I would expect nothing less.

Kimberly says she needs to keep her eye on Viktor because he’s good. Anya believes Laura is kind of edgy so she’s going to stay as far away from that design-wise. There is a lot of work being accomplished. Viktor is shredding his organza to looks like feathers. Or shredding it to insert feathers by hand? Tim comes in to talk about how the fashion industry is competitive, and that of course there is more to the challenge. Another high fashion look. For the same bird they are already using for inspiration. What is the POINT of this shit? Not a ready-to-wear look, not a look based on a different bird, not a look based on their competitor’s design. This isn’t a twist. This is just “do twice as much work”.

Anya goes out of her comfort zone again and I know everyone loves her but I am sick of hearing how she’s going out of her comfort zone and the judges always fall all over themselves about how wonderful she is. Laura is weaving ribbon. Whatever.

Bert knows that he and Josh are so different it probably won’t be hard to pick one of them for the win. It’s the end of the first day, everyone is behind, because the producers thought making one high-fashion look in two days wasn’t hard enough.

No one seems terribly excited about a long day of work and two dresses to finish. Josh is dissatisfied. Kimberly doesn’t have a lot on her dress form, and won’t put it up there. She plays it off to Viktor like she doesn’t want him to see what he’s going up against. Anya sees a giant cockroach, which is not cool. I mean, I hate bugs, but I would probably just step on it. Kimberly totally freaks out. Anya kills it with a platform pump, and PLEASE tell me she pulled that off the Piperlime wall, killed the roach, and then put it back, because that would go a long way towards making me like her.

Tim time! Actually technically Collier time, so whatever. You know that each girl is getting makeup in the colors that go with that bird in their special makeup line. The only interesting part is that Josh says he wants some random thing and Collier says it’s too much.

Viktor and Laura joke around with Bert, as apparently everyone has gotten used to him. Kimberly curses suddenly and asks if anyone knows how to get stains out of fabric. Uh oh. How did that happen? She is starting to freak out. Josh has a very large pile of brightly colored fabrics. I fully expect a Miss Universe national costume out of him. Anya and Viktor look at Kimberly’s looks and talk about how she’s doing. They seem to be pretty nice about it, in that they’re worried for her instead of talking about how her looks suck. Kimberly, meanwhile, is sewing and has driven the sewing needle through her finger. She comes back into the workroom, obviously upset and trying not to freak out about it. But she’s at that point when you have a really bad day, and then one little thing happens, and you completely lose your shit. And then everyone thinks you’re losing your shit about the one little thing, so now you are losing it and also worried everyone thinks you’re crazy. She goes into the bathroom and slams the door, and you hear her start to cry, and I have been there so I totally feel her. I would have been crying and screechy before I made it back to the workroom. She interviews that she’s lost a lot of loved ones, and she’ll just have to power through like she’s been doing.

Josh complains about his first look, which is truly pretty heinous. It’s like, green and yellow-green, with like, smocking in the bodice. Feh. He asks Anya for spare fabric, and she refuses to give him any. It’s too late in the competition to be helping others, she says. Josh, of course, bitches that she is giving him attitude and that she should remember the past and how he helped her out. I don’t recall him helping her out at any time. Then he declares he doesn‘t need her help anyway. Now he’s got a circle skirt with a big leaf cut-out or something. Anya talks to Bert about how to sew her stuff, and Josh is still complaining that she’s skating by with her lack of skills. Dammit, don’t make me agree with Josh. He’s really bitter she wouldn’t lend him any fabric.

Tim time! Laura has some wine colors, and Tim tells her to ditch some other fabric she has. Tim points out to Anya that one of her dresses has uneven arm holes. Tim asks Josh what is going on with his stuff, and he says “Qu’est-ce que c’est?” Josh asks “what’s a qu’est-ce que c’est?” Heh. Tim thinks the circle skirt is “crafty” and not in a good way. He loves the other look, though. Bert is not high fashion enough, but he argues that he can give high fashion with his taste level. Viktor’s feathering turned out really well, but the second look is too vintage and bridal. Kimberly has a tutu. Sadly it looks too costumey. When Tim tells her, she just kind of stands there. I think she’s given up. He cheerleads and tells her to stop thinking and feel. And then he says “You need a hug” so he hugs her. Aww.

Model fitting. Josh’s second look, which is a draped orange dress, looks pretty good. Bert thinks Josh is channeling him. Kimberly’s look, a sheer bodice with solid pieces over her breasts, is looking “vulgar” because her model’s boobs are too full or something. Her model takes off the dress, and I guess is putting it somewhere, or putting it down, and she puts it onto a hot glue gun. So now there’s a hole in it. Kimberly says she’s the one who put it down on the glue gun. So now she’s got to start over, and she comments that she’s going to make an “Anya move” and basically pull something out of her ass. Ha! She has three hours to make a new dress. Out of polyester lining.

Now it’s the day of the show, so we don’t know yet if Kimberly finished. Someone has written “may the best woman win” on the chalkboard. Honey, don’t you watch “RuPaul’s Drag Race?” Viktor has discovered that Kimberly has thrown together a one shouldered gown out her polyester, and immediately accuses her of copying him. OK, I was with you when you accused Josh, but I think maximum one person is a copier. Also a long gown with one shoulder is not that unique. Tim only gives them one hour to finish up. Also ANOTHER special announcement. No one looks happy. He says only one of their looks will walk the runway. Then why the FUCK did they have to make two? Is this because Kimberly ruined her dress? So we have to change it up like Anya last week so she’s not completely screwed? You could have had one wonderful look from each person, instead of two sort of half-assed looks, one of which will get a last minute spurt of futzing. Bert is irritated, and Josh is confused. Both his looks are pure Josh. Ugh. Anya has one finished look, and one that is cool but she’s not sure what she can finish on it. Kimberly is fitting…her three-hour dress? Really? We had this whole stupid twist FOR YOU and you’re using the dress you threw together late last night? What. Is. The damn. Point. Anya’s model is stuck in the dress. She has to take out a seam and then sew the model into it. Josh acts like no one ever does that on this show.

Guest judge is Francisco Costa, who works for Calvin Klein. Viktor: one shouldered dress in white or cream with a splash of light yellow on one side. The whole side is feathered, so it floats. I like it a lot. Kimberly: also a one shouldered white dress, with a high slit in the skirt. The bodice is two swaths of fabric, so there is an opening in the middle, then a strip of rhinestones, and a sleeve. So then both models walk out together, and it’s pretty close to the same dress. Kimberly tries to claim Viktor’s look isn’t as good because “we’ve seen this silhouette before”. You mean the same silhouette you made? Bert: long gown with a strapless sweetheart bodice in a metallic green-gray. The skirt is several layers of chiffon in different colors, greens and yellows, with a slit up the front. Josh: short orange draped dress, with some foofy accents on the one shoulder. It looks like he tried to make flowers or something. It looks like a short toga. But it’s better than that other thing he made, anyway. Anya: short black dress, with a mullet skirt and sharp shoulders. It’s very structured and the skirt is short all around. Laura: black jacket and pants. Everything is sleek. The jacket has a deep V and ruffles along the neckline in a wine color, and also a peplum. They both look kind of punk.

I forgot about that “After the Runway” thing, but I just saw a commercial implying that Josh storms off the set, so maybe it’s worthwhile? I’ll tape it and update next week if it’s good.

Everyone gets to stay. Anya wanted to do something with structure and texture. Heidi loves it, of course. You can see the raven but it’s not a costume. Nina says it’s her favorite outfit of Anya’s so far. It’s urban and Goth. Look, I don’t mind Anya, I think she’s a nice person, and I felt bad for her when she lost her money. But I don’t think she’s the best person here. Nina also praises Laura’s look, but maybe it’s too literal. It’s too much like a bird, which I don’t agree with. It’s edgier than what she usually does. Kors tries to claim it’s a costume, and on what planet are tight pants and a ruffled blazer a bird costume?! This is bullshit. Of course Anya has won this competition.

Bert admits he didn’t like the parrot, and also that this isn’t the strongest thing he could have done. That’s like Rebecca on Top Chef saying she’s a terrible cook. Shush. It’s not joyful enough. Josh “went for it” and parrots are exuberant. Nina knows Bert isn’t about colors, but the silhouette is not good either. Heidi and Francisco like the pop of color when she walks. Josh talks about his dress and you can see the hem looks kind of jacked up. He admits his first look had all kinds of crap going on. He gets praise for draping well, but then random crap on the shoulder! For Josh, this is a super-clean minimal look. He didn’t use the colors of the bird, but the “exuberance” of the bird came through. Josh promises to listen and edit.

Kimberly tries to spin her look as planned, but Heidi knows her first dress was jacked up. She pretends like she’s going to blame Viktor but she kind of doesn’t. Kors praises that she looks like she’ll fall out of the dress but she won’t. Apparently this is a good thing. They really like it. Nina thinks it’s pageanty. They really love Viktor’s shredded feather effect. But it’s too literal. Whatever. Heidi thinks they copied each other. They continue to tell Viktor he’s too literal and that he lost, and he could have used actual feathers! At least it really is like feathers, unlike Laura‘s.

Anya had great construction and went out of her comfort zone, and we don’t grade on a curve, Kors. Josh’s dress was bold, which was important for a parrot. Kors says it’s easy to wear, and Francisco asks if he would wear it, and Kors says “Well, I happen to be a, a very much an orange kind of guy”, and that made me glad, that he admitted it. Kimberly pushed herself too, and it worked. The people in the bottom were too literal. Viktor had great construction skills, and they didn’t say much that was bad about him. Bert just made a sad dress, but the hidden colors in the skirt were kind of nice. And then they still bitch that Laura made something literal. Are you serious? Viktor, OK, feathery and literal. Don’t tell me skinny pants and ruffles are literal. That is a crock of BS. A peplum is not a tail.

Anya is apparently the clear winner. What-the-fuck-EVER. She’s going to win, isn’t she. Stupid. Josh is in. He pretends not to be mad about how he lost to Anya. Kimberly is in. Viktor is in. Laura is in. Huh. I thought with all their bitching about how she made something literal when it was not literal at all, that she was out. Heidi says that Bert is great but this wasn’t his challenge. He’s not surprised, because he didn’t like his look anyway. Bert says cleaning up his space may take a while. He’s had a great experience.

Stupid advertorial with stupid Collier Strong and not hot makeup guy. Boo.

Next week: who knows? There is a preview of the After the Runway thing and Laura Bennet and Josh get into it and Josh? She will eat you alive. Now I’m glad I am taping it for later.

Top Chef: Just Desserts 10/5/11--"Death by Chocolate" summary

2011-10-06T00:06:00.001-05:00

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: root vegetables and the Beastie Boys. Poor Rebecca couldn’t hang on and was eliminated. Matthew won, because he put mashed potatoes and gravy on his dessert and it still tasted like mashed potatoes and gravy. I think that was weird enough for everyone. But apparently falafel panna cotta is too weird. I don’t know, I liked Rebecca. (click for more)

Katzie is offended that Sally thinks she’s better than what girls are left. Sally has “allied” herself with the boys. I know that Katzie thinks Sally has been rude and doesn’t respect her or whatever, but this isn’t really a show where “allies” have any purpose or use. Chris speaks of his bromance with Matthew. Or whatever other better word there is other than “bromance”.

Today’s guest judge is Mark Israel. Guest judge for the Quickfire anyway. He has a creative donut shop, so guess what? Make the perfect donut! And coffee! Winner gets $10,000. Where are they getting all this money? Gail also tells them immunity is no longer a prize. And then Johnny walks out. Orlando kind of freaks out, because he’s smart and knows something‘s up. And Johnny confirms: the loser of the Quickfire will be eliminated.

2 hours to cook. Matthew says everyone can make a donut, it’s just knowing you could go home for that. Megan doesn’t want to wait for yeast donuts and take the risk of it not working in time. Cut to Carlos saying he’s taking the risk to do yeast donuts. He talks about how he grew up in his parents’ bakeshop and how it helped keep him away from gangs. Sally wants to be able to dunk her donuts so she isn’t making them round. Orlando has his “godmother’s mother’s recipe” for beignets. Megan is futzing with her caramel glaze. She puts sugar in last minute so you know that will be important. Matthew doesn’t have time to fill his donuts.

Katzie: cocoa beignet with date ganache. She plated it, as if it was a dessert, and for some reason this irritates Orlando and possibly Johnny. No one goes home for plating if it tastes good, so shut it. Carlos: orange and lemon zest bombolinis with passion fruit cream. Bombolinis are just Italian donuts. Orlando: spiced banana beignet. In between everyone’s explanations are shots of Sally looking pissy for some reason. Megan: cake donut with honey cardamom glaze. The glaze has glued the donuts to the plates. Oops. Chris: citrus churro with raspberry jam. Sally: espresso glazed donut with caramelized cashews. Matthew: ginger beignet with caramel and whipped Jivara cream. Why had I not noticed before now that Johnny has a half-sleeve tattoo on his right arm? Anyway, Jivara is a chocolate, I think. Oo, dry donuts.

The best were Sally, the shape was good and good flavor; and Carlos, with the best texture and passion fruit flavor. Carlos is the winner! Nice. Now for the bottom. Johnny says that Megan’s donuts were glued to the plate with too much glaze. Also Matthew (eep!) because his sauces were too sweet and the cream on the side was not the same as having cream-filled donuts. Plus, Orlando’s “spiced” beignets didn’t have enough flavor. Johnny says if you say the donut is cardamom flavored, it should taste like cardamom. Orlando starts arguing, and says that he didn’t say it was cardamom flavored, that’s just one of the spices. Johnny counters with “’Donut’ is not a flavor” and then with “No spices came through anyway”. Point to Johnny. Megan goes home. What a surprise. She says she wishes she had done the stuff that made her successful at home but that’s how it goes. Katzie whines that now she doesn’t have any friends, or something.

Elimination challenge: chocolate. Teams AGAIN. One showpiece per team of three, plus one plated dessert per person. Orlando, Carlos, and Sally are Blue Team. Katzie, Chris, and Matthew are Red Team. Chris says that Katzie (remember, a person who has won 2 challenges) is the least experienced person left and may be the weak link. They will be serving their desserts to each other. That’s always fun.

15 minutes to plan. Sally immediately says Orlando’s strength will be the make the showpiece, while she and Carlos are strong in flavor. I feel like she manipulated him into doing the showpiece mostly by himself. Katzie has lots of ideas, but Chris tells her they’re too hard and would take too long and whatever. Chris wants to make a modern showpiece. Katzie says they should all have their hands in it, then, but no, if you have too many hands in it then it turns out poorly or something. You know what? If he wants to do the showpiece by himself, and also make a dessert, it’s on tape. Let him exhaust himself.

5 hours to cook. The producers have split up the dining room with dividers so no one can see what the other team is doing. Carlos tells us that since Orlando is making the showpiece, he and Sally are making Orlando’s recipes for him. Orlando and Chris talk trash at each other. Orlando seems to have a story for his showpiece, the journey from cocoa pod to…stuff. Chris has no story. As Orlando measures the height of his showpiece, he says “I like desserts like I like my men. Tall.” Well…that was unexpected. Matthew is making cherry tarts. He is trying to get done soon to help Chris. He smacks his dough (not a euphemism) and Carlos shushes him. That’s the best you can come up with? “Shush”? No spanking jokes? Nothing you could add “If you know what I mean” to? Weak. Carlos is making chocolate, peanut butter, and banana again. Orlando is excited to be going head-to-head with Chris again. Chris brags that it never crossed his mind to have his teammates make his plated dessert, because he wants to have control and make sure his vision gets on the plate. Hope you have enough time for that. Katzie makes her dessert and interviews that she doesn’t get what Chris is doing with the showpiece, even though she knows he has the skills to do a showpiece well. Orlando’s sorbet, made by Carlos, turns out gummy so they have to do it over. Orlando is realizing trusting others means maybe your stuff won’t turn out.

3 hours the next day to finish everything. Orlando knows he won’t have time to check out his dessert if he wants to get the showpiece done. Matthew is completely confident with his dish. Sally is helping Orlando with anything he needs. She and Carlos seem to have 14 components each. Carlos hopes that making Orlando’s dessert doesn’t screw him. There is a ton of last minute running around.

Wylie Dufresne! Woo! I like him. And I like that they didn’t tell the contestants he was coming, so no one made anything weird and crazy. The showpieces…look the same. They’re both tall and swoopy and abstract. Chris’s has white chocolate water lilies. I mean, they’re good. But what do you say about it? Orlando starts talking about history of chocolates, and I guess there is a lump that could be a cocoa pod, and then maybe a chocolate bar, and some other things like that. Chris says he just went for difficult techniques.

Red team will serve first. Sally says it’s weird to sit with the judges, like sitting at the grown-ups table at Thanksgiving. Wylie asks them about the other team’s showpiece, and of course Orlando starts talking about the flow and darkness and I’m not sure how a showpiece with big white flowers on it is “dark” but whatever. I’m not an art person. Orlando admits he wants very badly to beat Chris today. Chris: chocolate brioche with chocolate cream and vanilla ice cream. Matthew: chocolate tart with chiboust and caramel, compressed cherries and chocolate sorbet. Katzie: boca negra with mousse, jasmine and passion fruit curd, and whipped cream glace. Chris’s dessert is undercooked, Matthew’s tart is too sweet with too much caramel and stuff, and Katzie’s dessert was too big. Sally doesn’t think she could finish Katzie’s dessert, and all I have to say to that is: Amateur. We don’t know what the judges think, this is all the other contestants. Gail is asking what people think, but she looks irritated. Orlando goes on and on about how Katzie’s dessert sucks, and Gail and Wylie exchange amused looks. They let him talk and everyone looks bored. Even Sally thinks he should shut up.

Commercial interlude: Katzie pretends to want to know what the other team said about them, in the interest of feedback. But at least she knows that if they are willing to tell their fellow contestants things are bad, they definitely told the judges. Sally acts like she doesn’t care if everyone badmouths her dessert.

Now it’s the Blue teams turn to serve. Chris says he is bored with their showpiece. Johnny shuts him down and says Chris’s lilies are interesting, but so is the other showpiece. Maybe more interesting. Orlando: puff pastry, milk chocolate mousse, mango coulis, and roasted cocoa nib sorbet. Sally: manjari caramel mousse, spiced caramel cream with passion fruit gelee. Carlos: caramelized cremeux, milk chocolate mousse, peanut butter mousse, and caramelized banana. Matthew says he’s going to keep his mouth shut. Katzie likes Carlos’s. Chris says that Carlos’s is too sweet, Orlando’s is too much chocolate (?). Sally’s is the most balanced. Yeah, this group was nicer. The judges talk about the showpieces, and they seem to like both of them. Orlando and Chris wouldn’t stop talking.

Everyone comes to Judges’ Table at the same time. Both teams did a good job, but the winners are the Blue Team: Orlando, Sally, and Carlos. Orlando is just excited that he beat Chris at something. Chris tells the judges his dessert was just how he wanted it. The texture was weird, and he kept it simple but it was strange somehow. Katzie knows her cake was too big, and that she wanted it cleaner. There wasn’t enough jasmine flavor, but the glace was good. The proportions were off. Matthew said everything was basic, but that’s not special. The tart was too sweet. Matthew is pretty upset.

All the desserts were too sweet and unbalanced. Chris’s dessert just wasn’t delicious. It wasn’t at a high enough level, and it seems to be a failure all around. Katzie had good flavors, but the cake was too rich and there was too much of it. Johnny does point out that she at least tried to counter the cake’s richness. Matthew’s components were all good, but the balance was not right. Dannielle thinks he lied about eating a whole tart because it was far too much sugar. In the Stew Room, Matthew says he’s never heard anyone complain about a dessert being too sweet.

Even though the only dessert that seemed to have redeeming qualities was Katzie’s, she is sent home. She’s glad to have made it this far. Sally and Orlando pretend they’ll miss her. She’ll do good things, I’m sure.

Next week: a gang of random things that culminates with some random girl leaving her number for Matthew, which I can approve of.