Monday, May 10, 2010

TAR16, Recap Leg 12, 5/9/10

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on I’m Huge, Like Everything Else, teams made their way around Singapore after much racing, slipping, firing, crashing, soaring, paradising and U-Turning. This leaves us with two pairs of very likeable brothers and one pair of not so likeable models racing to the finish line. Who will be the winners of TAR16? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
2nd – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
3rd – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!

Shanghai Science and Technology Museum, Shanghai, China

2:37 AM Brent/Caite (1st)
Clue: Fly 6000 miles to your FINAL DESTINATION CITY, San Francisco, California, USA! Once there, go to the Presidio and find Battery Godfrey overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge.

3:11 AM Jet/Cord (2nd)
– Cord: "This is the Super Bowl of the Amazing Race"? (Toyouke: “Huh?”)
6:00 AM Dan/Jordan (3rd) – Jordan: “I hear San Francisco is very gay friendly.” (Toyouke: “Woah, they're really behind.”)

Teams arrive at Pudong International Airport in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Jet/Cord
3- Dan/Jordan


When teams arrive, they find the marked counter for their United Airlines flight CA8858 to San Francisco. But when the brothers arrive, they place their bags behind Brent and Caite instead of behind Jet and Cord. This allows them to get tickets ahead of the cowboys, which they think is a dirty move, but really, after TAR7 and the Uchenna/Joyce miracle, I don’t think the race is ever going to cause a team to be left behind again if they are that close.

Once on the plane, the Amazing Red Line takes teams across the Pacific to San Francisco. En route, Dan makes friends with the flight attendants, whom he talks into getting two first class seats. Per the rules of the race, provided that they still only pay business fare for their flight, they can accept a free upgrade. And what an upgrade it is! (Toyouke: “I do have to give them points for moving up to first class.”)

Teams arrive in San Francisco in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Brent/Caite
3- Jet/Cord
- Cord: “It’s on like Donkey Kong!” (Toyouke: “Woo! Donkey Kong!”)

Teams take taxis to Battery Godfrey and get their clue in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite
– who ended up with a non-English speaking cab driver. Brent: “Why are we in America and no one here speaks English?”

When teams arrive, they get the following riddle: “I was built in 1933. I’m 210 feet tall. My insides are lined with murals painted by 26 different artists. What am I?” Teams are then supposed to figure out this is the Coit Tower on top of Telegraph Hill. (Toyouke: “Real clue clue! And sadly, I've never been in Coit Tower so I wouldn't know what they're talking about.” Kmanpat: “I’ve been there! I have pictures.”) Teams travel and arrive at the tower in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan – who find out their information from a biker. Jordan: “Bike riders are smart. That’s a general rule.” Got it, bro.
2- Jet/Cord – who know exactly where the tower is because they bought and read a San Francisco guide book in Shanghai. (Toyouke: “Eee! Buying a guidebook! People are finally learning.” Kmanpat: “Took 16 seasons. . .”)
3- Brent/Caite – who are still yelling at their cab driver to speak English. Sigh. (Toyouke: “It takes real talent to be an Ugly American WHEN YOU ARE IN AMERICA.”)

And teams arrive at the eleventh and final roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
*no question shown*

In this roadblock, one team member must use an ascender and climb up Coit Tower vertically. Once at the top, teams get their clue and descend back to the bottom.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Dan
2- Cord
3- Brent


After much ascending, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite

Teams are then instructed to travel to the Yoda Fountain. Teams must then realize that this can be found at Lucasfilm in the Industrial Light and Magic Complex. (Auburnium0513: “Yoda fountain on the Presidio? Um, no. “) Teams arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite

Teams are now instructed to join forces with ILM. (Toyouke: “DUDE. DARTH VADER AND STORMTROOPERS. “ Auburnium0513: “As kind of intimidating as it would be, it would still be really cool to be escorted by Stormtroopers.”) Teams split up and one person becomes the searcher and the other the director. The searcher puts on a motion capture suit and the director guides them through a virtual world in order to get the next clue.

SEARCHERS: Jordan, Jet, Caite
DIRECTORS: Dan, Cord, Brent

Cord starts shouting random commands as soon as he shows up, confusing Dan, Jordan, and Jet. (Auburnium0513: “Good job messing with them as revenge! That was priceless! “)Jordan: “I’m putting on a suit with balls on it!” Cord: “I’m gonna have the Star Wars guys take you out!” (Toyouke: “Jet's avatar has a cowboy hat. Best. Task. EVER.” Auburnium0513: “Slide to the left? That sounds like you're about to start the Cha-cha Slide!”)

Teams complete the ILM Task in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite
– and Brent discovers that Caite left the Amazing Fanny Pack behind. Well, that’s that. (Auburnium0513: “What the hell?? YOU NEVER LET GO OF THE AMAZING FANNY PACK!!!”)

Teams read the clue that is circling the VR character at the end of the video game to find that they need to travel to the Tonga Room, find a trunk and take it and open it at their next destination. (Toyouke: “I have never heard of The Tonga Room in my life.”)

Teams arrive at the Tonga Room in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite

Teams get their trunks and are to find the sticker on top that tells them to travel to the Great American Music Hall. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite

Once teams arrive, the final task begins.

FINAL TASK:

Teams open the trunks from The Tonga Room to find 11 psychedelic posters. Eight of them have eliminated teams on them and three represent non-elimination legs. Teams must correctly place the posters on the wall in leg order (Dana/Adrian, Jody/Shannon, Monique/Shawne, Non-Elim, Joe/Heidi, Jordan/Jeff, Non-Elim, Steve/Allie, Carol/Brandy, Non-Elim, Louie/Michael) in order to receive their final clue from the roadie.

Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan – And Jordan is my new favorite person because HE KNEW THAT A FINAL TASK WAS COMING AND PREPARED FOR IT! As he whips out his list of eliminated contestants, they whip through the task. (Toyouke: “Ohhh, I just realized Jordan is all over this shit. That is like, the fastest anyone has ever finished the final task, I think.”)

2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite
– (Auburnium0513: “I wonder how bad Brent and Caite struggled with the race recall task.”)

Teams are now instructed to “jump right over to blank” and teams are to guess that the final destination is Candlestick Park, the FINISH LINE of The Amazing Race 16.

1- Dan/Jordan – (Toyouke: “Well I really wanted the cowboys to win but I'm good with this too. Especially since they started celebrating when they came out of the tunnel and saw that no one was up there with Phil yet.”)
2- Jet/Cord
3- Brent/Caite

23 days, 5 continents, 40000 miles, Dan and Jordan, you are the winners of The Amazing Race 16! YAY! This probably has to be one of the most satisfying finishes ever. On a side note, Caite apologizes to the lesbians, and Brandy shoots her down. Ouch. (Toyouke: “Ooo...Like she was going to mean her apology anyway. But it would have been better to let her pretend to apologize before going off on her.” Auburnium0513: “Wow, those claws came out! This is the nastiest finish line that I can remember.”)


ORDER NOW:
1st – Dan/Jordan
2nd – Jet/Cord
3rd – Brent/Caite
4th – Louis/Michael
5th – Carol/Brandy
6th – Steve/Allie
7th – Jordan/Jeff
8th – Joe/Heidi
9th – Monique/Shawne
10th – Jody/Shannon
11th – Dana/Adrian


Next season: Well, I know there is one. TAR 17 will probably start in September, so we’ll see you then!
Clicky clicky

Monday, May 3, 2010

TAR16, Recap Leg 11, 5/2/10

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Smoking Will Stunt Your Growth, teams flew from Singapore to Shanghai. Jet was a noodle master, and Jordan’s got tangled. We saw the first ever double roadblock leg. And it was Louie and Michael who were not eliminated in the final non-elimination leg, and now face a Speed Bump soon. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
2nd – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
3rd – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!
4th – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock

Shanghai Science and Technology Museum, Shanghai, China

8:02 AM Jet/Cord (1st)
Clue: Make your way to the Garden Bridge. You have $22 for this leg of the race.


What racers don’t know is that the Chinese don’t know the bridge as Garden Bridge, but as Wàibáidù Qiào. This makes things fun for the racers.

Cord talks about how he had his skull crushed by a hoof in 2004. Ouch. Good thing hot cowboy is still alive to be on my television screen.

8:36 AM Brent/Caite (2nd) – Caite can’t understand why people still make fun of her three years after she was on the Miss Teen USA pageant for her answer in the interview portion. (Toyouke: “Making the final 3 will not make people forget you are Miss The Iraq, Like Such As.”) Well, I know that CBS didn’t show it again, but let me load this up . . .ok, yup, she’s still an idiot. Youtube FTW!
8:53 AM Dan/Jordan (3rd) – Dan was very set on helping his brother fulfill his dream. And now he wants to win. Bad. Oh, this could get fun.
11:00 AM Louie/Michael (4th) – They never quit, apparently.

Teams find taxis and arrive at the Garden Bridge in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite – who found a local who looked it up on her cell phone internet.
2- Jet/Cord – who had their taxi driver call the dispatch to find the information
3- Louie/Michael – who help by calling a translation service. (Toyouke: “There's a translation service in Shanghai? Awesome!”)
4- Dan/Jordan – who decide that they are going to wait for the team behind them that is leaving TWO AND A HALF HOURS after them and get help that way. Cute but stupid boys. Is there no end? (Toyouke: “Ouch. That is a very long time to wander around. I don't know that your strategy of "let's wait for the last place team and beat them later" is such a good idea.”)

Once at the bridge, teams are instructed to find Longhua Temple, but they must not take a taxi in order to get there. (Toyouke: “Excellent, public transportation.”) Teams arrive at the temple in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite – who found the place thanks to Caite’s map reading. (Toyouke: “No one said you couldn't read a map. They said you were an idiot.”)
2- Jet/Cord – (Toyouke: “Did they just walk by Brent? Hee!”)
3- Louie/Michael
4- Dan/Jordan
– (Toyouke: “Jordan and Dan haven't had the best strategy today. They needed to get their driver to listen to the person on the phone. Or something.”)

When they arrive, Louie and Michael find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the third of three speed bumps, teams must find the large incense burner at the Longhua Temple complex. Team members must then toss one coin each into the top window of the burner in order to be able to return to the race.

Really? No going away? No physical task? Throw a COIN? *Sigh*

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael

They throw their coins quickly and return to the task at hand: the tenth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who thinks they can sum up Buddha?

In this roadblock, one team member must count golden statues. Once they come up with the correct sum (523), teams can check with the monk to get their next clue. If they are wrong, they must wait ten minutes before trying again.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Caite – who takes it to prove she’s smart. And then takes four tries. (Toyouke: “OK, counting is not that strenuous of an activity. I mean, people fail at it, but counting correctly will not make up for harping on one comment one person made a month ago. Especially when you count wrong.”)
2- Jet
3- Dan
4- Louie
– who takes two tries.

After much Buddha counting, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Brent/Caite
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Louie/Michael


Teams are then instructed to choose a motorcycle from a select group and take a ride to Yuyuan Gardens and search for the next clue. Teams arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Brent/Caite
3- Dan/Jordan
– Jordan: “I got to wear these cool goggles and gloves, and I got to hold this strange Chinese man. Oh, yeah, I kinda liked that.” Oh yes, honey, you and me both.
4- Louie/Michael

Teams now get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Pork Chops OR Pork Dumplings
*Pork Chops: Teams must travel to Art Stone and find two chops (name stamps) in the store. Each shop will have one of the team members names on it and the picture of a pig. Once both are found, the owner gives them their next clue.
*Pork Dumplings: Teams must travel to a restaurant and pick up ten orders of dumplings, deliver them somewhere, and return to get their next clue. Not that it matters, because no one delivers dumplings.


(Toyouke: “Both of these Detours sound long and annoying and luck-based.”)

1-Jet/Cord choose Pork Chops – (Toyouke: “Aww...I wanted Jet to hide Brent's chop.”)
2-Brent/Caite choose Pork Chops – Brent really has to pee, and Caite won’t let him. Whatever. Caite: “These things are big like you.” Brent: “I know, I’m huge like everything else.”
3-Dan/Jordan choose Pork Chops
4-Louie/Michael choose Pork Chops
– Louie: “I’m leaving no stone unturned.” *rimshot*

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Jet/Cord
– (Auburnium0513: “Did he just say "muy rapido" in Shanghai?”)
3- Dan/Jordan – (Toyouke: “Dan's getting pretty competitive for someone who is only on the race to make their partner's dream come true.”)
4- Louie/Michael

Teams are now instructed to travel to the Huangpu River and find the Riverside Promenade. This is the PIT STOP of the eleventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in WILL be eliminated.

1- Brent/Caite – and they win a luxury trip to Coastal Spain to see Seville and Cadiz. Not that they really know where that is. (Toyouke: “You have proved nothing except that you are a whiny beauty queen who can't tolerate other people joking about her but doesn't see the irony of making the same comments yourself. I hope you fail in the last leg. “) Oh, and they are checked in by Bao Xishua, the world’s tallest man. (Toyouke: “WTF is with this Guiness Book of World Records nonsense??”)
2- Jet/Cord
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Louie/Michael

And Louie and Michael are eliminated. But they are still good friends and are happy to have raced with each other.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Brent/Caite
2nd – Jet/Cord
3rd – Dan/Jordan


Next week: Final Leg! San Francisco! Scaling Coit Tower! Who will win? (Toyouke: “Caite has not changed my mind about her. Virtual Reality? Really? Weak. Although, I do enjoy Cord peeking around the corner to make fun of Jordan. It's just pwning n00bs on PS3.”) Until next time!
Clicky clicky