Monday, February 22, 2010

TAR16, Recap Leg 2, 2/21/10

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on With Brazilian Currency You Get Eggroll, teams raced from Los Angeles to Valparaiso, Chile, which was alternatively called China, Guatemala and other countries as it was seen fit. (Toyouke: “And I was denied my eyebrow pop and was angered.”) Caite, Miss The Iraq herself, proved to be quite the tightrope walker who also did not know what a funicular was (Toyouke: “Do you even watch this show?”) and gave her team a 30 minute penalty. Adrian couldn’t walk the tightrope, and caused his team to be Philiminated at the Roadblock. Team Big Brother ended up in first, mostly thanks to Jeff, who is CLEARLY the smarter of the two. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jordan/Jeff, Team Big Brother, arrived at 3:21 PM
2nd – Monique/Shawne, Team Claire Huxtable
3rd – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
4th – Steve/Allie, Team World Series
5th – Joe/Heidi, The Asians
6th – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians
7th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
8th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!
9th – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock
10th – Jody/Shannon, The Triathletes

Palacio Baburizza, Valparaiso, Chile

3:21 AM Jordan/Jeff (1st)
Clue: Take a bus back to Santiago. Once there, take another bus 575 miles to the town of Puerto Varas. Once in Puerto Varas, find the marked cars and drive yourselves to the Hotel Petrohué and find the marked path. Take the path to the lake and choose a boat to take you to Isla Margarita. Once on the island, take the marked path to Mirador to get your next clue. You have $87 for this leg of the race.


(Toyouke: “Jesus Christ, that's a lot of travel to the first clue.”)

Jordan and Jeff leave the Pit Stop and ask in very broken Spanish to go to the bus terminal, which doesn’t open until 5 am. This is when they realize that all the teams will catch up to them. And rather than show all of that happening, we cut to all ten teams being at the bus station. Pthbbt. However, we do get a montage of ridiculous that includes the Lesbians making fun of Caite’s pageant past. (Toyouke: “You can't be a former pagent girl who is now a model, and get your panties in a wad when people ask where your tiara is. You could have quietly faded into obscurity instead of being on TV again.”)

So, all teams get the same bus to Santiago, and in the process, Joe and Heidi make nice with the Lesbians. Teams arrive in Santiago in the following order:

1- Joe/Heidi
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Monique/Shawne
5- Louie/Michael
6- Steve/Allie
7- Jody/Shannon
8- Jet/Cord
9- Jordan/Jeff
10- Brent/Caite


Teams quickly fall in line to get buses. The Lesbian-Asian alliance saves each other spots in line and get on Direct Bus 1. (Toyouke: “Ah, saving spots. Always a good argument.”) Other teams settle for Direct Busses 2 and 3. However, the Cowboys, Big Brother and Like the Iraq Such As have the thought (after carefully rereading the clue) that maybe they can get there faster by using a transfer. (Toyouke: “Why are Jeff and Jordan proving to be the smartest? I don't want to like them. However I do hate her sparkly headband and I think we can all agree on that.”) So, after much ticket getting, the teams are on the following bus routes:

Direct Bus 1:
1) Joe/Heidi
2) Carol/Brandy

Direct Bus 2:
1) Dan/Jordan
2) Monique/Shawne
3) Louie/Michael
4) Steve/Allie

Direct Bus 3:
1) Jody/Shannon


Temuco Connector Bus:
1) Jet/Cord
2) Jordan/Jeff
3) Brent/Caite


When the connector bus arrives in Temuco, we find that Jet and Cord are on the 7 pm bus to Puerto Varas. They know the other two are on a different bus that leaves at 6:30 pm. So, they try to get on that bus. What they learn is that that bus departs from a completely different terminal 10 minutes away. So . . . they keep it to themselves. (Toyouke: “Oo...devious hot cowboy brothers! I think I'm in love.”) Meanwhile, the YDCs try to find their bus, realize it’s across town, take a taxi to get there, and miss it. Then they find out that the boys' bus leaves at 7, so they hightail it back to their original station . . . and miss the bus. And then they get on a bus that leaves at 1 am. Fun stuff. And good racing! Ah, I’ve missed this.

So, teams arrive in Puerto Varas in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Brent/Caite
– Caite: “I’m the one who knows how to drive a stick.” Brent:” I like my women to drive me around.”
5- Jordan/Jeff – who decide to follow other teams. Not always the wisest move.
6- Steve/Allie
7- Louie/Michael
8- Monique/Shawne
9- Dan/Jordan
– Dan does not drive stick. GREAT. (Toyouke: “Sigh...the stick shift thwarts another team.”)
10- Jody/Shannon

Teams drive themselves to Hotel Petrohué. So teams arrive at the hotel in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Steve/Allie
7- Louie/Michael
8- Monique/Shawne
9- Dan/Jordan
10- Jody/Shannon

When the Cowboys arrive, they find that the trail to the boats doesn’t open until 7:30 am. Great forced bunching. But then 7:30 arrives and the teams that are there are . . . the Cowboys. Ooh, bunching FAIL! Teams then arrive at the boats in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Steve/Allie
7- Louie/Michael
8- Monique/Shawne
9- Dan/Jordan
10- Jody/Shannon


Teams then take the boats to Isla Margarita and arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord – Jet: “I hope we don’t have to swim.” Cord: “I’ve skinny dipped twice in my life.” (Auburnium513: “Yes! Skinny dip again!”)
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Steve/Allie
7- Louie/Michael
8- Monique/Shawne
9- Dan/Jordan
10- Jody/Shannon

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Llama Adoration OR Condor Consternation

*Llama Adoration: Teams must take their boat back to the mainland and find the Llama pen, dress the llama with a traditional blanket and scarf and get their next clue from the handler.
*Condor Consternation: Teams must take their boat back to the mainland and find the docks where they must dress as birds and “soar” in the air to a buoy in the water to get their next clue.


Who came up with that Condor detour, because that was just ridiculous. (Toyouke: “Um...why would you not pick llama?”)

1-Jet/Cord choose Llama Adoration - (Toyouke: "'Llama whisperer'...hee.")
2-Carol/Brandy choose Llama Adoration
3-Joe/Heidi choose Llama Adoration

4-Brent/Caite choose Condor Consternation – (Toyouke: “This Condor detour is the lamest detour. Someone was on something when they thought of that.”)
5-Jordan/Jeff choose Condor Consternation
6-Steve/Allie choose Condor Consternation
7-Louie/Michael choose Llama Adoration
– (Toyouke: “'Puppy'? That's some fine police work, Lou.”)
8-Monique/Shawne choose Llama Adoration – (Auburnium0513: “Use the sleeping llama, good move!”)
9-Dan/Jordan choose Llama Adoration
10-Jody/Shannon choose Llama Adoration

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Steve/Allie
7- Monique/Shawne
8- Louie/Michael
9- Dan/Jordan
10- Jody/Shannon


Teams are then told to drive themselves to Onces Bellavista Farm and search for their next clue.
Teams arrive at the farm clue box in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Steve/Allie
7- Monique/Shawne
8- Dan/Jordan
9- Jody/Shannon
10- Louie/Michael
– who pass the farm completely and end up in Puerto Varas.

(Toyouke: “Why is there a tuba?”) And teams come to the second roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
It’s time to make the Kuchen.

In this roadblock, one team member must collect five ingredients for German Kuchen: a bag of flour, a plate of butter, a baker’s dozen of eggs, a bowl of sugar and a cup of fresh cow’s milk. Roadblockers then take all the items at once to the kitchen where the kuchen baker will verify the items. Once completed, teams get their next clue.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Cord
2- Heidi
3- Carol
4- Brent
5- Jeff
6- Steve
7- Monique
8- Jordan
9- Jody
10- Michael

After much item collecting, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Monique/Shawne
7- Steve/Allie
8- Dan/Jordan
9- Louie/Michael
10- Jody/Shannon


Teams get their clue and find that they must now drive themselves back to Puerto Varas and find Gruta de la Virgin, the PIT STOP of the second leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Jet/Cord – who each win a sailboat. What exactly are cowboys going to do with sailboats?
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Brent/Caite
5- Monique/Shawne
6- Jordan/Jeff
7- Steve/Allie
8- Dan/Jordan
9- Louie/Michael
10- Jody/Shannon

And Jody and Shannon are gone. But they still love each other!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jet/Cord
2nd – Joe/Heidi
3rd – Carol/Brandy
4th – Brent/Caite
5th – Monique/Shawne
6th – Jordan/Jeff
7th – Steve/Allie
8th – Dan/Jordan
9th – Louie/Michael


Next week: Carol and Brandy get the scoop on the Cowboys success. And then proceed to break down. Oh, and it’s Travelocity Gnome Week! Until next time!



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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Project Runway 2/18/10--"A Little Bit of Fashion" summary

Previously on Project Runway: designs for the April issue of Marie Claire, for Heidi to wear. More pretty clothes. Anthony won, because he had an interesting dress and it was in a good color, and he was super cute when he won which was fun. Anna made a perfectly good outfit of shorts, vest, and sleeveless top, which was cute but not good enough for a magazine cover. So she was out. Also Mila is concerned that everyone hates her, and editing would make it seem like they do. (click for more)

Anthony is very chipper in the morning which is probably annoying to non-morning people. But I’m like that and it’s fun, so go Anthony! He points out he doesn’t have immunity so he still has to be focused. Janeane is horrified that Joanna hated her outfit. Jesse is determined to win. Still no topless Jesse.


Heidi says now they will have new models. Haha! With little experience. Then there is the tootling they used for the dogs that one time, and small children come out onto the runway. Hee! They have to make a children’s outfit, which must fit and be fashionable. Then they let each little girl say who their designer is. It’s super cute but I have the feeling this is going to get old. They seem to be between 6 and 8 years old. Jonathan is terrified of children. Nice. I mean, I’m not a big fan of small children but they don’t terrify me. This should be interesting.

Everyone has a child’s dress form. Hee. They won’t get a fitting today either. That sucks a lot. Jonathan is drawing a kimono-sleeved romper. Well I guess a romper makes sense for small children. Poor Anthony can’t decide how to be himself, which involves volume and feminine silhouettes. Hee. They don’t have bootys. Jesse is going for “schoolgirl/Madeline”. Emilio is leaving himself out of the design? Tim appears to take them to Mood with their $50. I feel like this challenge and the Barbie challenge are more closely related than they appear. Make a pretty dress with ruffles that is girly! Anthony talks about what colors he’d wear if he was a little girl. I can’t improve on that.

Jay thinks 8 year olds are very fashion forward. Seth Aaron teases Jonathan that he’d save time if he just bought fabric instead of making it, and Jonathan puts on a French accent and says he wouldn’t limit himself to what the fabric store sells. Heh. He’s making a bolero jacket. In the sewing room he mocks Kors. Mila is color blocking again. Bright pink and green. She says that now that she’s more centered she’s getting along with everyone. I think they’re laughing at her more than with her and she doesn’t quite get it. Janeane is going simple, I think. Seth Aaron I think has a daughter so he knows all about what kids want, he says. Mila points out Tim hasn’t made his appearance. She suspects a twist. But midnight comes and no Tim. Janeane knows she’s not the most innovative but it’s appropriate for children’s wear.

In the morning Janeane gets a phone call home. That is not promising. Tim comes in with “a nice surprise” and Emilio recognizes the smile and the look in his eye. It is not good for them. Tim says “These looks will not be walking the runway today.” But that’s because he’s giving them another day. Of course, they have to make another outfit, but for their regular model. The winner today will get immunity. They aren’t supposed to make a larger version of their children outfit, but it should coordinate. Ugh, that is too many looks to talk about.

Back from shopping, Amy isn’t sure how everything will come together. Anthony says his feet hurt and he feels like he’s working in the chicken shack. I guess he’s the loud one today instead of Seth Aaron. Mila bitches that he made her forget her measurement. However, everyone seemed irritated at Seth Aaron, while they make a bet with Anthony to see how long he can go without talking. He gags himself and after some decoration of the cloth he actually makes it almost 15 minutes. He says that’s the longest he’s gone without talking like, ever.

Tim time! Jonathan has some yellow…I don’t see kimono sleeves though. Janeane has what Tim calls “Halloween”, but it’s black and coral. I don’t think it’s orange enough to be Halloween. Amy has a bunch of cutout pieces on the floor, and Tim actually gets down and sits on the floor to talk to her. Wow. She used a bunch of circles to make petals for her skirt for the kid, and she’s making more circles for the adult version. Or possibly they are pants. Tim warns her about clown clothes. Either they’ll stop the show or be horrid, and he’s thrilled she’s taking the risk. Seth Aaron claims his daughter had 200 handbags when she was this age. Yeah. Tim says he is “profoundly wowed” and sends in both models. They seem to like the clothes. At least there are no tantrums.

Amy is still cutting out petals, and has not even one leg done. Emilio is running out of fabric. Janeane says she thinks she is safe today, and she just wants to get through today. Yeah, that really is not promising.

Finally it is the day of the runway show. Amy knows she will not be in the middle. The little girls come in and I guess get bored. They’re cutting scraps and playing dress-up with the accessory wall. Anthony doesn’t know what to do with them. Of course they have gravitated to him and are saying random things and making him speechless. Let me repeat: small children leave Anthony at a loss for words. Janeane likes her outfit. Why aren’t there any shots of Tim dealing with small children? I think we can agree we’d all like to see that.

Guest judge today is Tory Burch. Anthony: the little girl is in hot pink, and the adult is in a sleek red dress with a deep V. they don’t really go together, as hot pink and red kind of clash. But both of them have a ruffle along the neckline. Amy: the girl is in a deep turquoise sweater or jacket, with a big collar, and a skirt made of overlapping circle petals in shades of coral. The adult has a lighter turquoise top with spaghetti straps, and then knee-length loose pants covered in circle petals, only these are made of different sizes layered on top of each other so they make rings. It’s hard to describe. I don’t know if I like it. But it is certainly creative. Ben: the girl has a plain lavender dress and the adult has a short gray skirt and navy top with a ruffle. They look like they’re from the same store but I don’t know that they’re coordinated. Seth Aaron: a hoodie in black and white checked fabric with pink pockets, and a black skirt with grommets, I think. And a pink purse. I think Seth Aaron was screwed by getting one of the younger models. The adult has black skinny pants and a black and white checked jacket (he made the checks from separate fabrics) with a cowl neck. Jesse: gray dresses for both. The girl has a red Peter Pan collar and piping, and a red coat. The adult has black panels on the sides of the dress and a wide black belt, and red buttons. It’s not bad. Jonathan: the girl has a yellow and gray dress with ruffles up the front. It’s yellow until just past her hips and then the gray starts. The adult has a very light gray dress covered in the same circle petals Amy used. I find myself wishing there was some yellow in the adult dress.

Maya: black leggings and yellow jackets for both. The adult one is cropped, with a diagonal zipper, and the girl’s is a regular windbreaker-style jacket. Mila: the girl has a short dress that looks very mod, and has one half bright green and one half bright pink. Between the two and along the hems there is white with black polka dots. The adult has a white jacket with black borders and black pants. I’m not sure how those two go together, but I’m pretty sure that those two colors in the girl’s outfit are the two colors my mom’s sisters wore to be bridesmaids in her wedding. And she got married in 1968. Emilio: girly pink princess dress, and for the adult a lavender sheath with puffy cap sleeves. It does look like a rich mother who indulges her daughter’s love of dressing up. Janeane: the girl has a tunic-length top with a bubble hem, and zebra striped leggings. The adult has black leggings, a black and white zebra top, and a coral jacket that is the same color as the girl’s top. It’s not the most exciting outfit but it’s not Halloween. Jay: dark plum dress, drop waisted with ruffles, with a scarf and dark pants. The model has skinny black pants and a plum top with ruffles all around the waist to give it volume.

Jay, Amy, Jonathan, Seth Aaron, Jesse, and Janeane are called out as the top and bottom. Jonathan, Amy, and Janeane have the lowest scores and are kicked out for now. As Jesse is talking about what he did, they show a shot of his adult model and the top of her dress looks crooked, like he didn’t finish it right. Kors likes the color combination. The little girl likes her outfit. Aww. Seth Aaron’s skirt is denim. And on the back of the girl’s jacket is a big pink star with a “SA”. His girl loves her purse. Kors tells him his adult jacket is the best tailored piece this season. Jay put a lot of thought into his outfits.

Loser gong! Aww…no loser gong. Janeane wanted something comfortable. Nina wanted more whimsy and less plain. Heidi says it looks like a cheap mall outfit. Kors thinks her jacket looks like a Home Ec project. Ouch. Jonathan wanted an edge to his girl’s outfit. She’s not comfortable and I don’t think it fits right. Kors gets what he’s going for but it looks like a tornado of toilet paper. Poor Amy’s petals are cut all raggedly, when you see them close. Nina uses the circus label. Her girl loves her sweater, and when Kors asks if she’d wear those things together she says she’d trust Amy’s fashion sense. Aww! Tory doesn’t like the color combination on the pants.

Jesse was traditional but had a sense of humor. Also he made a tailored wool coat. Seth Aaron was sophisticated but still whimsical. Children would demand that outfit. Jay had chic pieces and excellent styling. Heidi would not have guessed Amy made that outfit. They hate on the colors some more. Janeane made a horrid jacket and they don’t think it was worth $50. Jonathan went off somewhere that none of the judges want to go to.

Jesse is in. Seth Aaron wins. He’s pretty thrilled. Jay is in. Jonathan is in. Amy is in. Ah, editing. She’s pretty upset but she says she’ll persevere.

Next week: hardware store! Hammers! Tim puts on the bitchpants! It’s your “unusual materials” challenge.
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Monday, February 15, 2010

TAR16, Recap Leg 1, 2/14/10

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, which, in my opinion, was a bit too long. But it’s the same old, same old, as we have careening! Los Angeles! Traffic! The Amazing Bus! And we’re back down to eleven teams, so no TAR monkey business. The eleven teams are: (click for more)

Brent and Caite, AKA Team Like The Iraq Such As, are dating models (again? Why TAR, WHY?) from South Carolina. In fact, you know Caite (pronounced Katy) from the internet, Miss South Carolina 2007 herself. She wants to prove that she isn’t an idiot. Here’s hoping.

Jet and Cord, AKA The Cowboy Brothers are from Oklahoma, and have both won five world rodeo championships each. Sweet.

Steve and Allie, AKA Team World Series, are a father/daughter team, and dad was the 2008 World Series winning coach for the Phillies. They could be extremely strong.

Dan and Jordan, AKA Team I Love You Bro!, are brothers from Rhode Island. Jordan is gay. Dan is not. It is painfully obvious. And they are from Rhode Island.

Dana and Adrian, AKA Team High School Sweethearts, have been married for over seventeen years. And they really, really, really love each other. Something tells me they won’t last long.

Jordan and Jeff, AKA Team Big Brother, are a long distance couple that met on Big Brother 11, and Jordan actually won the show. Except she’s apparently not that bright. (Toyouke: “’I don't know how to tell time with clocks’?!?! I know people use digital clocks a lot but seriously. Actually we had a discussion about that at lunch one day, that as more and more people use digital clocks, and can't read an analog clock, phrases like "quarter til" become obsolete. But she's old enough to know better.”)

Jody and Shannon, AKA The Triathletes, are grandmother and granddaughter. They are going to be tough to beat if they can get to the front of the pack.

Louie and Michael, AKA Team Sherlock, are detectives from Rhode Island. Again with the Rhode Island? I thought it was our smallest state. Louie: “We deal with high level drug dealers, so the race should be a snap.” Um, you apparently aren’t familiar with the Amazing Editors then. . . (Auburnium0513: “The whole "under cover" part of their operation might be blown after this.”)

Monique and Shawne, AKA Team Claire Huxtable, are friends, moms and lawyers. Yeah, that’s all I’ve got.

Joe and Heidi, AKA The Asians, are married. Joe apparently is extremely confrontational. So he knows he’s the downfall of his team. It’s good to get that out in the open right away.

Carol and Brandy, AKA The Lesbians, are dating. Carol: “Our idea of the Amazing Race is finding the nearest Louis Vuitton!”) I hear Team Cha Cha Cha calling. . .


The camera careens to the park where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be twelve legs where each team will get a “small amount of cash”. Phil tells them that their first clue is on their bags. They are to run to their bags, solve the clue to get their tickets, and then to get themselves to the airport, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Oh, but wait, there’s more. Teams must use public transport to get themselves to the airport. (Toyouke: “Ha, public transportation. Have fun kids!”) Once they arrive, only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight. Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. (Toyouke: “Where is my eyebrow pop you bastards?!?!”) GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Los Angeles, California

Clue: Travel to Santiago, Chile! You may take one of two flights: American through Dallas, or American through Miami, which departs an hour later. To get tickets on a flight, teams must travel by public transport to the airport. Only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight.


Teams find routes to the airport. The Asians know LA well, so they suggest the metro and three other teams follow their lead. The rest of the teams find their way to Union Station and take the FlyAway bus directly to the terminal. Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Steve/Allie
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Dan/Jordan
– Jordan is apparently a HUGE fan of Miss Teen South Carolina, and does a bang up impression. Jordan: “When I heard she was racing us, I almost pooped myself.” (Toyouke: “Oh, of course Jordan the flamer knows Miss The Iraq's speech by heart.”)
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jordan/Jeff
– who can’t even figure out where they are going. Jordan: “China?” Jeff: “Guatemala?” Um, did you even read the clue? It SAYS Santiago CHILE. *sigh* Where do they find these teams? Oh, but then, Jeff figures it out and chides Jordan. Jeff: “Did you never watch Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?” YES! (Toyouke: “Woo! Carmen Sandiego!”)
6- Monique/Shawne
7- Carol/Brandy
– Brandy: “Who takes the bus in LA?”
8- Dana/Adrian
9- Jet/Cord
– Cord: “I don’t get this public transportation stuff. We have one light in our town and it is blinking yellow.”
10- Jody/Shannon
11- Louie/Michael
– Michael: “Nanna’s kicking your butt.” Ah, title quote.

Apparently, the bus is faster, so Team Claire Huxtable, Team Big Brother, the Lesbians and the High School Sweethearts make it to the airport first. (Toyouke: “Oo, the bus was faster.” Auburnium0513: “I was expecting traffic issues.”)

So, the first three teams are on the American Flight to Dallas, and the remaining eight are on the American Flight to Miami.

Thus, the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1: American via Dallas
1) Monique/Shawne
2) Jordan/Jeff
3) Dana/Adrian

Flight 2: American via Miami
1) Carol/Brandy
2) Joe/Heidi
3) Steve/Allie
4) Brent/Caite
5) Dan/Jordan
6) Jet/Cord
7) Louie/Michael
8) Jody/Shannon

While they are in the airport, Jet and Cord take the opportunity to exchange their money. To Brazilian. (Toyouke: “Brazil!??!! No! Cute but stupid! Curses!! LAX didn't have Chilean money? I doubt that.”) And Gay Jordan takes time to tell everyone about Miss The Iraq. In addition, there is a mechanical delay on the first flight. This forces the other three teams to rebook on the later flight, putting all of the teams on the same flight. Which defeats the purpose of having multiple flights, but whatever.

So, teams board the flight together. Big Brother Jordan apparently has never been out fo the country, so Jeff decides to quiz her: “Are you bringing any illegal plants or fruits with you?” (Auburnium0513: “I feel like that calls for some kind of gay joke.”) The Amazing Red Line takes us to Miami and Santiago. (Toyouke: “I think this might be the first time all teams left the start city together.”)

Once teams arrive in Chile, we find out the rest of the clue. Teams are now traveling by bus to Valparaiso, Chile, which is 60 miles away. Once there, teams find Ascensor Villeseca, one of the many funiculars in the San Fransisco of South America. At the funicular, teams will get their next clue.

Teams are now to travel by bus to Valparaiso. Teams get busses in the following order:

Bus 1, 12:15 pm
1- Dana/Adrian
2- Jordan/Jeff
3- Brent/Caite
4- Monique/Shawne

Bus 2, 12:20 pm
1- Carol/Brandy
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Steve/Allie

Bus 3, 12:30 pm
1- Louie/Michael
2- Jody/Shannon
3- Jet/Cord
– because they had to re-exchange their money.

Teams arrive in Valparaiso in the following order:

1- Jordan/Jeff
2- Brent/Caite
3- Monique/Shawne
4- Dana/Adrian
5- Joe/Heidi
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Steve/Allie
8- Carol/Brandy
9- Louie/Michael
10- Jody/Shannon
11- Jet/Cord


Teams arrive at the Ascensor Villaseca Clue Box in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Jordan/Jeff
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Dan/Jordan
5- Steve/Allie
6- Carol/Brandy
7- Monique/Shawne
8- Dana/Adrian
9- Louie/Michael
10- Jody/Shannon
11- Jet/Cord


Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who has the balance of a cat and the courage of a lion?

In this roadblock, one team member must go cable walking 120 feet above the ground. Once they walk the length of a football field in the air, they will get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Good thing this was a Roadblock. So many people afraid of heights. Like going on Survivor not knowing how to swim.”)

1- Caite
2- Jordan
3- Joe
4- Dan
– Jordan: “Jujz yourself along!” (Toyouke: “Did Jordan just say "jujz yourself along"? Is that how you spell "jujz"? Jooshz? You should know how to spell that as Clinton and also Carson say that all the time.” Kmanpat: “I don’t but we’ll start with your spellings.”)
5- Allie
6- Brandy
7- Shawne
8- Adrian
– who falls off. And has to go back. Which can’t be good.
9- Louie
10- Shannon
11- Cord

After much tightrope walking, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Jordan/Jeff
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Steve/Allie
5- Joe/Heidi
6- Carol/Brandy
7- Monique/Shawne
8- Louie/Michael
9- Jet/Cord
10- Jody/Shannon
11- Dana/Adrian


Once the roadblock is completed, teams are told to take the funicular Ascensor Artilleria to the bottom to get the next clue.

Teams head down in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite –except they miss the part about taking the funicular because they don’t know what it is. (Toyouke: “Thank God we watch this show and know what a funicular is.”)
2- Jordan/Jeff
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Steve/Allie
5- Joe/Heidi
6- Carol/Brandy
7- Monique/Shawne
8- Louie/Michael
9- Jet/Cord
10- Jody/Shannon


Teams are now instructed to choose four cans of paint and the required tools on Templeman Street and walk up to a house with the same color of paint to paint the unfinished section. Teams will then receive their next clue from a local painter. (Toyouke: “While they paint I want a Karate Kid reference to brushing. Brush up, brush down. Was that the quote? I don't remember.”)

Teams arrive at the paint supplies in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite – Brent: “We’re frustrated that we can’t find the houses.” Actually, you’re frustrated. Don’t bring Miss The Iraq into this. She has her own issues, like, such as. . .
2- Dan/Jordan – and Dan loses a paintbrush. Jordan astutely realizes that this will probably mean a penalty later.
3- Jordan/Jeff
4- Steve/Allie
–who, through prompting by Steve, actually go into someone’s house and start painting, to the confusion and relief of the painters who are already there. At least it was the same color. (Toyouke: “Painting the wrong house = hilarious.”)
5- Joe/Heidi
6- Carol/Brandy
7- Monique/Shawne
8- Louie/Michael
9- Jet/Cord
10- Jody/Shannon

After much ridiculousness, teams finally go UP Templeton Street and find the houses in the following order:

1- Jordan/Jeff
2- Brent/Caite
3- Monique/Shawne
4- Dan/Jordan
5- Jet/Cord
6- Steve/Allie
7- Joe/Heidi
8- Carol/Brandy
9- Louie/Michael
10- Jody/Shannon

Teams finish the paint job and get their clue in the following order:

1- Jordan/Jeff
2- Brent/Caite
3- Monique/Shawne
4- Jet/Cord
5- Dan/Jordan
6- Steve/Allie
7- Joe/Heidi
8- Carol/Brandy
9- Louie/Michael
10- Jody/Shannon


Teams must now get themselves on foot to the PIT STOP, the alecio Baburizza. Teams must have all of their paint items to check in. This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Jordan/Jeff – They win a trip for 2 to Vancouver. How timely. They also win the opportunity to do Skeleton on the Whistler Luge track. I’d be selling that package right now, TYVM. RIP Nodar Kumaritashlivi. (Toyouke: “Yeah, have fun in Vancouver NOT during the Olympics.”)
2- Monique/Shawne
3- Jet/Cord
– (Toyouke: “Hot cowboy brothers! Still in it!”)
4- Steve/Allie
5- Joe/Heidi
6- Carol/Brandy
7- Brent/Caite
– who were second to arrive, but got a 30 minute penalty for not knowing what a funicular is. (Toyouke: “Miss The Iraq says technically she's second: And technically if you are the first runner up you might be Miss Teen USA someday. But you still lost.”)
8- Dan/Jordan – who were fourth, but arrived without a paintbrush and got a 15 minute penalty as a result.
9- Louie/Michael
10- Jody/Shannon
11- Dana/Adrian

Notice that Dana and Adrian never left the Roadblock and had to be Philiminated there. Sad. But they still love each other! And they always will.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jordan/Jeff
2nd – Monique/Shawne
3rd – Jet/Cord
4th – Steve/Allie
5th – Joe/Heidi
6th – Carol/Brandy
7th – Brent/Caite
8th – Dan/Jordan
9th – Louis Michael
10th – Jody/Shannon

Next week: New alliances. Although this just seems to amount to free cutsies. Until next time . . .


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Sunday, February 14, 2010

TAR16, Recap Leg 0, 2/13/10

Welcome back to the Amazing Race! Miss me? I thought so. First off, this year’s premiere is on Valentine’s Day, so what better way to celebrate than to watch loving couples yell at each other as they criss cross the globe. Just what I think of when I’m having a good time. We’re back to eleven teams, so no monkey business from the producers, and Toyouke is nearby to throw in her two cents as always. The eleven teams are: (click for more)

Brent and Caite, are dating models from Columbia, South Carolina. And Caite says in her bio that she made a horrible flub in a Miss Teen USA contest. Oh, great, this isn’t. . . (Toyouke: “Yes, do you want to call her Miss The Iraq and Such As?”) Lovely. They get someone who doesn’t know her geography to run a race around the world. I hope Brent watched season 3 and/or has picked up some pointers from Zach. (Toyouke: “But Brent's bio pisses me off. "I wouldn't trade places with anyone! My life is awesome! I would give all the money away!" Shut up. However I will say that Caite's video is mostly coherent. But she's 20 and he's 28, and that is a lot.”) Hopefully we will be saved by a quick exit, but I’m guessing not. Prediction: Sixth Place.

Carol and Brandy, are dating from Los Angeles. Finally, a pair of lesbians on this show. (Toyouke: She seems too old for a Brandy.” Kmanpat: “But Brandy, she’s a fine girl, what a good wife she would be.”) They look tough. Female winners? I don’t want to hedge my bets, but with a clean race, I can easily see top 3. Prediction: Winners, TAR16.

Dana and Adrian, are married high school sweethearts from Arlington, Texas. Aw, my parents were high school sweethearts. Until I see them in action, I’m going to be comparing them to Uchenna and Joyce and Chip and Kim. But both of those couples made it to the end. Prediction: Fourth Place.

Jet and Cord, sound like a parachute precision team, but in reality are hot brothers and cowboys from Tupelo, Oklahoma. (Toyouke: “Jet and Cord are kick ass cowboy names. And another set of brothers where the younger looking one is actually older. Jet does like, 2/3 of the talking in their video. But who cares, anyway. Do you care? Cowboy brothers.”) I don’t care in the least. Hot cowboy brothers. Prediction: Third Place.

Jody and Shannon, are grandmother and granddaughter from Texas. Jody is a professional trainer, and her granddaughter is one of her clients. Which, kick ass. (Toyouke: “Bring it on. However I do not want to listen to her preach about how "everyone should run triathlons and old people should work out and lose weight because I used to be fat.") Last time we had an age gap like this, Nic and Don from TAR12 finished third, if I recall. So here we go again. Prediction: Second Place.

Joe and Heidi, are a married couple from El Segundo California. The Wangs (Toyouke: “Wang! Haha.”) seem very Asian, and Asians aren’t usually the strongest teams, unless they get a break. (Toyouke: “But don’t forget, in high school, Heidi was voted Senior Class President, Most Likely to Succeed, Most Likely to win a Nobel Peace Prize and Most Likely to Total Their Car. Also one of her big challenges will be not being able to east sushi.”) Well, that’ll be fun for them. Prediction: Ninth Place.

Dan and Jordan, are another pair of hot brothers from Barrington Rhode Island. And one of them hates travel. Sucks to be him. (Toyouke: “Do note, Jordan has wanted to be on this show since it started. He is also slightly flamey. Which makes sense because he's gay, although he claims to have a "life partner" who is a girl.”) Plus, their last name is Pious. Hee. And note that we have a boy Jordan and a girl Jordan. Technically. Prediction: Seventh Place.

Jordan and Jeff, are a newly dating couple from Big Brother California. Last time the Race had a Big Brother Team, it exploded marvelously in the second episode. Although, it’s another age gap team, and they actually look like they might like each other. (Toyouke: “I already hate them. And she won. Somehow being on "Survivor" is better to me than "Big Brother". I'm more OK with people who starved for a month than people who just got locked in a swank house for a while. He seems defensive about how people won't like him because he's already been on TV.”) Prediction: Eleventh Place.

Louie and Michael, are detectives from Rhode Island. Two Rhode Island teams? How does that work? (Toyouke: “They're not just detectives, but undercover detectives. I wonder if that gives them an advantage? I think being able to adjust to changing situations and think on their feet might help. ‘We have to win because our friends will never let us live it down. They will make cartoons.’ Hee.”) Cartoons indeed. They strike me as the ATCs all over again. And that’s good. Prediction: Fifth Place.

Monique and Shawne, are attorney moms from the East Coast. So, basically, two Claire Huxtables for you. They’re kinda generic, but they have a lot of energy. Prediction: Tenth Place.

Steve and Allie, are the father daughter team from California. He’s a professional baseball coach, and she’s in marketing. Professional baseball coach as in the World Series Phillies. Cool. (Toyouke: “Also their challenges will be "not getting lost because we get lost in our own neighborhood" and "not having mom to do everything for us".”) This could be interesting. Prediction: Eighth Place.


And there it is. Don’t forget to tune in Sunday, February 14 at 7 pm CDT for the one hour premiere. See you with the first recap soon!
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Friday, February 12, 2010

Project Runway 2/11/10--"Run For Cover" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone designed dresses for Campbell Soup’s Address Your Heart campaign gala. Said dresses were modeled by real women who had been affected by heart disease. Thankfully there was a minimum of whining about non-models. All dresses were supposed to be red, and many people chose to use a very bright shiny tomato that was not flattering. Amy won, with a long floaty gown that was not super-exciting but was pretty. Jesus made a dress that even Heidi called tacky (and she’s the queen of short, shiny, and tight) and he was sent home. So now when I type I won’t see a sentence like “Jesus worries about being in the bottom” and do a double take. (click for more)

Fashion Week is tomorrow. Yes, you counted right. That is how many decoys there will be. See what I meant about “three finalists”?


Anthony smacks Jay with a book to wake him up. He’s glad to not be in the bottom three, but he knows that if you are in the bottom three, there’s nowhere to go but up. I disagree. You can go out. Mila is sulking because apparently when she came into the workroom after judging talking about how she was “top two” no one cheered. So she’s upset no one was happy for her. She’s really worried about how other people see her. Remember the whole thing with the model?

Amy has immunity. They are designing a look that must be “picture perfect”. Tim is waiting to take them on another field trip. Emilio thinks they might be looking at old photographs and trying to recreate a look. That would be cool, but alas, Tim has not planned that. They go to the Marie Claire offices and meet Joanna Coles. It’s a cool building but has nothing to do with anything. Of course, this challenge is huge and unprecedented and whatever. They must design an outfit, for a celebrity, to be worn on the cover of Marie Claire. I mean…that’s awesome for them, but they’ll all make pretty dresses and I’m getting bored with that. Even the burlap challenge was “make a pretty dress”. Joanna tells them they must think about the crop (the outfits are only shown from the knee up or so), the season (April issue), the color, the fact that words are going over them, etc. The outfit must be eye-catching so people will pick up the magazine. The celebrity is Heidi. But does that mean they have to make maternity wear?

Tim takes them back to Parsons and reminds them how huge this is, then gives them 30 minutes to sketch and one day for the whole challenge. Just one? People are sketching regular dresses so I guess they’ll do the shoot after Heidi gives birth. Better make it quick. Girl is always pregnant. $150 for shopping. Janeane just grabs whatever she can get her hands on.

Everyone interviews about how huge this challenge win could be, but in the workroom no one is talking. At all. Seth Aaron starts making noise because for him it’s too quiet. Jay is irritated. Then he starts to do the Jets snapping and dance moves, which is kind of funny. It looks like everyone is pissed at him but he is oblivious. Anthony asks him if he’s smoked anything besides cigarettes today. Hee. Ben is upset because his magenta looks fuchsia, so he’s put a black overlay on top and it looks better. Anthony is staying true to himself. Mila pretends concern over the bright turquoise that Anthony and Anna are using. Hey, it’s eye-catching. Anna’s never made three pieces so she’s pressed for time. Janeane is realizing the random fabrics she found are very bridal. Jonathan tells Anna he’s making a spacesuit. Hee. Janeane’s still freaking out but not crying which is something. Jesse says his biggest competition is “probably half the people in that room”. You’re doing it wrong. On the other hand Mila thinks she has no competition.

Tim time! Anthony is pretty worn down, and he doesn’t know what his dress is going to look like exactly. He’s just cut strips out. Tim is worried and tells him not to gimmick it up. Mila has stretch wools but has less done than Anthony. Janeane wants waves, or spewing fabric possibly. She mentions that she’s been in the middle so far, and Tim warns her against clown clothes. Ben has lots of color. And metallic leather. Anna appears to have light blue and silver. And some shorts. Emilio has ombre lacing but it’s pretty subtle. He needs to watch his time.

When the models come in, no one has much of anything. Anna’s shorts don’t fit at all. Jay is pretty confident, as is Jesse. Mila goes to sew and makes a comment about how it’s good no one touched her machine. No one responds. Imagine if Anthony said that. Everyone would laugh and give him crap about it. Jay says that Mila is kind of fake and insincere. Emilio doesn’t care how she is as a person but he thinks all she can do is color block and she’s too cocky for her skill level. Anthony doesn’t know what he’s doing and he’s running out of time. But “life isn’t fair, so why should Project Runway be?” Janeane looks at the clock and flips out. Emilio’s dress is too short but he doesn’t have time to fix it.

Everyone seems really exhausted in the morning. I think everyone’s freaking out except Mila, who knows Heidi will look wonderful in her dress. When Tim comes in to give a 10 minute warning, people are still sewing. Emilio trash talks people in interview. I know he won the first challenge, but has he done well since then? Why is he constantly trashing everyone but never talking about himself? Janeane breaks the pedal on her sewing machine. There are many, many open sewing machines in the room but she spends time fixing the pedal on hers for some reason. Ben thinks he could win.

Joanna is back to guest judge. She’s hard core, this should be good. Amy: short dress with a handkerchief hem and an empire waist. The bodice is strapless and one boob has a big poof over it. There’s a lot of volume in the skirt. The whole thing has a print that almost looks like tie-dye: mottled dark blues and yellows and reds. It’s kind of dark. Seth Aaron: pewter suit. The sleeves are a little loose at the shoulder and then tight starting at the elbow, and the waist is cinched in with a zipper, or possibly small buttons. There’s a little bit of a peplum and skinny pants. It’s hot. Jesse: short dress with a woven bodice, in a dark green. It’s nice, but I’m not sure they can bring out the detail in a photo. Not enough for it to not look like a generic sheath dress. Anna: light blue tank top with some darker inset squares on the neckline, and a silver vest, and dark blue shorts. It’s not exciting at all. Anthony: turquoise short dress, very short, with some noodles down her right side. Not like, Leanne noodles, but sharper folds. It’s cool. Janeane: knee length dress with an A-line skirt and a sweetheart neckline. There are straps, I think, in a dark green, but they are overlaid with beige, which is the color of the rest of the dress. The hem is uneven so you can see the petticoats. Mila: short tank dress in the exact skin tone of the model, with triangles of dark gray at her waist and her hemline. It doesn’t pop at all.

Emilio: bright raspberry short dress, very young looking. It pops with color but other than that it’s not that exciting. They have to zoom in so you can see her boobs are outlined with cording in a lighter shade. Also it’s pretty short. Jay: long flowy dress that looks almost exactly like Amy’s dress that won last week, with two exceptions. This dress is the color of muslin, and it has a big shoulder corsage of fabric flowers. After I watched it again, I did notice the front is short, knee-length, while the back goes down to the floor with a train. Jonathan: VERY short skirt with long sleeves. As in, short enough to be a figure skating outfit. It’s all done in gold. I’m so entertained. He calls it a “romper” so I guess it’s all one piece with shorts? Hey, it’s different and fun. Maya: short fitted dress in light gray, with beige underneath. The gray is cut so it looks like a coat, or a vest anyway, since there are no sleeves. Then there is a big collar like a blazer in the beige. The collar has a lot of layers, so it looks like pleating, but you can only tell that close up. Ben: short wrap dress, in dark turquoise. The edges of the dress, where it’s wrapped, are yellow, with a thin brown border between the yellow and the turquoise. There’s a wide brown belt to go with it. I want this dress. The back has a keyhole cutout lined in yellow.

Seth Aaron, Jay, Maya, Jesse, Jonathan, and Amy are safe. Jonathan and his gold satin romper are safe? Ha! Ben talks about Madame Butterfly and his kimono inspiration. Kors thinks this would cut through the noise. It’s modern and beautiful. Anna wanted to compliment Heidi’s coloring. Nina thinks this would give Heidi no shape. Joanna says it’s like ingredients that make her feel nauseous because they just don’t work. Ouch. Kors thinks she’s missed the point. Anthony wanted clean lines and a feminine silhouette because she won’t be pregnant. It’s not costumey, and he claps. Hee. Everyone likes it, especially the color. Janeane was inspired by the ocean. You can see the seams, which are nice, but it’s pretty busy. It’s not fashion forward enough, and it’s not obvious what the inspiration is. And Heidi’s not sweet and girly. Mila talks about how her color blocking is slimming, and as they pan down the dress it doesn’t look well made to me. It looks puckered and uneven. Kors doesn’t like the color, and Nina thinks the color blocking points at her crotch. Kors also points out that when they crop her you might not see the colors. Emilio wanted to make sure there was detail above the waist. His dress is made from jersey, which is impressive because jersey doesn’t look tailored. The ribbons are pretty junior, though. They tell Emilio to cut off the straps, and he does, right on the runway. His model takes her hair down, and they all love the look this way.

Janeane completely missed Heidi’s style, and whimsical doesn’t make a cover. Anna’s dress was not special, but they do give her points for making three pieces, one of them shorts. Mila’s color was terrible, and Heidi thinks she would have to get really tan. Emilio’s dress had to be redesigned, but after that it was great. Joanna thinks it’s a great asset to have a designer who is willing to cut up his dress like that. Ben’s dress was modern and eye-catching. Anthony thought about Heidi and the dress was charming.

Heidi specifically mentions that there will not be immunity for the winner. Then she tells Anthony he wins, and he laughs and laughs. Woo! When he goes backstage everyone cheers, unlike for Mila. Ben is in. Emilio is in. Mila is in. Anna is out. Janeane cries more than she does. Anna is proud of herself. That’s ELEVEN collections to be shown tomorrow.

Next week: small children. Kick ass. Small children in the workroom? Even better.
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Thursday, February 4, 2010

Project Runway 2/4/10--"Design Your Heart Out" summary

Previously on Project Runway: there was a team challenge, where everyone was supposed to make really high-end looks and they got a ton of money, but no one’s look was that great. Mila won, because she made a very unique jacket, and Jonathan basically took care of the rest of the clothing. Ping went home, because her outfit wasn’t that great but then Jesse was a total jerk and threw her under the bus. And so did his model. Granted, Ping isn’t the most organized person, but Jesse really was out to get her, and she’s said so in post-show interviews. He said he had to teach her how to sew, and she immediately challenged him to explain but he couldn’t. And the model that said she never fitted the dress to her? That was Jesse’s model, and Jesse’s dress, so Ping assumed he would do it. I love Ping. (click for more)

Isn’t Fashion Week this month? How are they going to work the whole “only 3 designers will show” thing Heidi keeps saying? Are they going to do that horrible editing job they did last year? They really need to let the designers show their faces to everyone.


Anna is sad to see Ping go but not surprised. She and Janeane are the only ones left in their apartment. Jesus seems confident. Really confident for how often he’s been in the bottom. Jesse also wants out of the bottom. (Kmanpat: “Oh, I can find a way to put something with him in the bottom. And he‘ll like it too.”) Well, they haven’t shown him shirtless yet, so probably he’s safe for a while. You laugh, but the Magic Elves know their audience. Maya thinks Mila is the older version of herself, and they do look really alike.

Mila has immunity this week. They will be designing a look for a “Fashion Week gala.” Tim is waiting for them with a group of “very inspiring women.”

Tim introduces everyone to Lisa Walker, VP of Innovation for Campbell’s Soup. Please tell me they are designing a dress based off a soup. Think about it! They could have different flavors and someone would go crazy and put like, vegetables on their dress. How fun would that be? But no, they are talking about the American Heart Association. They will be making red dresses for Campbell’s Address Your Heart campaign. Celebrities will wear them! For the gala! Tim saves my fun by saying the Campbell’s “branding” must be present, along with it being red. I mean, I’m all for heart health awareness, but “design a red dress” is not the most exciting challenge ever. They will have fabric with the logo on it. Then there will be one more dimension: they will be designing for women who have been impacted by heart disease. These are “normal” women, so you know the internet will be aflutter with “OMG they aren’t fat!” pretty soon. (Kmanpat: “Yeah, non-size two women.”) The winner will have their dress worn by that woman, they get to go with her to the gala, and they’ll be selling the dress online. Mila says the “models” were randomly assigned, and she admits to being nervous but excited to work with a “real” woman.

30 minutes for sketching. The women explain their situations to the designers. Several of them have died and come back to life. Jay is in tears, he’s so moved. Jesus is excited that his model is tiny. Hey, Seth Aaron even said he’d make something flattering, and we all thought he’d be worse than he is. Tiny. She’s not even that tiny anyway. Mila wants to put some stars, I think cut out of the dress. She does all her interviews in a monotone so I can’t tell if she likes it. Ben is doing a cutout back. Anthony is especially moved because his own mother has heart problems. His model says she’s his model, but his mom is the inspiration. They laugh at how they are in tears.

$100 and 30 minutes at Mood. They’ve pulled a bunch of red fabrics that are the right shade. Tim calls something of Jesse’s “Valentine’s Day”. Running around. Not a lot happens in the shopping segments but it’s fun.

Tim gives everyone until midnight tonight. Janeane says that it’s daunting to make a gala-worthy gown in 10 hours, and she seems to blame it on the models’ measurements. Anna has studied printmaking so she’s tracing the Campbell’s logo onto some chiffon. Maya wants the shape of a heart but not really obvious. Seth Aaron tries to tell us the models they normally use are size 4s and 6s, which I don’t think they are, and then he makes sure to say this is the “largest” challenge he’s faced. Jonathan models his bodice for everyone. Amy can’t control her fabric. She says it moves on its own. Jay is making lots of vertical lines.

The women come in for measurements and to look at what’s done so far. Everyone seems pretty happy. Jesus talks about how he had a single mother. Uh oh. Seth Aaron is a little worried because his model wants Grecian draping. It’s not him but he’s going to do it though. Janeane and Emilio both interview about how great it is to meet these women.

Janeane is ironing. For some reason, and I cannot imagine why unless the ceiling at Parson’s leaks, there is a big plastic trashcan full of water by the iron. And Janeane gets her dress into it somehow. Why is that even there? She freaks out.

Tim time! Tim tells Jesse that without his jacket, he really doesn’t have anything exciting. Anna shows Tim her tracing and he is pleased. Mila says her model is a tough fit, and Tim is glad to have this challenge. Yeah, everyone is talking about how they are mitigating all figure flaws. Jesus is showing cleavage. Maya has the heart shape in her bodice, and I really like how she’s done it. It’s a sweetheart neckline, and one side is outlined in tan, but not the other so it’s not an obvious heart. Amy has designed her dress to show off her model’s scar, since she’s stopped hiding it. Seth Aaron explains how he changed his design for his model. Tim still gives him the speech about not compromising his design.

Seth Aaron changes his mind and takes off the draping. Emilio trash talks Anna and Jay. Mainly that he has no idea what they’re doing. The day ends and everyone goes home.

In the morning, Anthony points out how horrible it would be to survive heart disease, only to face Nina, Kors, and Heidi talking about how terrible you look in your dress. Yeah…that would be bad. In the workroom there is a TON of work to do. Amy estimates she has 70% of her dress to do. Seth Aaron is now going retro. Whatever that means. Maya points out that since all their dresses are red, it’s easier to compare dresses. Amy knows that everyone’s designs would be better with more time. Tim shows up to only give them an hour with their models. Seth Aaron is thrilled he finished something. Emilio doesn’t like Mila’s dress. There is still a whole lot of sewing being done with 30 minutes left. I think everyone gets finished, though.

Guest judge today is Georgina Chapman, who is cofounder of Marchesa. Oo, that’s a good guest judge for a gown challenge. Jonathan: long dress with a tiered skirt, a thin belt made from the fabric with the logo on it, and a high neck. There’s also a train. It looks pretty good, in terms of being a gown and elegant. Emilio: short dress in the brighter red, with a logo fabric belt, and strapless. She looks pregnant because the belt is right under her boobs. Let me tell you that is a style of dress I never wear for that very reason. Maya: short strapless dress that is fitted through the waist, with a sweetheart neckline. One side of the bodice is outlined in tan fabric, that cuts across her waist like a sash. It looks like an afterthought; not that she didn‘t plan it but that she waited until the last minute to try to attach it. I think she just ran out of time. Anthony: red sleeveless vest with a mandarin collar, over a wrap top made from logo fabric. The skirt is shiny and tight, and above the knee. It’s also cut so as to make her hips look ridiculously huge. I think the skirt is cut too tightly. She works it though. Amy: long dress that is gathered near the middle of her stomach, with a strapless sweetheart bodice and a thin belt. It’s very flowy and her model looks good. Jesus: short fitted sheath dress with thin straps made of crystals? Shiny fabric? There’s also a racing stripe of logo fabric down the side of the dress. And the whole dress is shiny. Short, tight, and shiny. Nina will have a field day. When she turns around he’s made a bare back, except for one strip that looks like a bra strap, and then loops of crystals/shiny fabric/whatever the straps are made out of.

Anna: knee length handkerchief hem flowy skirt, or at least a skirt with several layers that are not the same length. Also a belt. The top is split, so it’s like she took a strapless top and cut it right down the middle so it looks like two wings. It looks horrible, because I don’t think she fitted it well. I think there is illusion netting over the rest of her chest. It’s so baggy under her arms that she looks really wide, especially with a belt. And it’s crooked. Jay: long evening dress, plain skirt and shinier bustier. It does not fit well at all. I think even if it was fitted it would still be boring. Jesse: knee length dress that is shiny and has off the shoulder straps. He also made a very light tan jacket that is cropped and has long sleeves. It’s actually cute but I don’t know how formal it is. There’s a contrasting belt. Ben: long dress with a slit edged with the logo fabric. The belt is in a mustard yellow, and the whole back is bare. It looks really good. However I must point out that Ben himself is wearing a sleeveless polo shirt with a bow tie. (Kmanpat: “Yum.“) Mila: long fitted dress with white stars. Really big stars, one down one side of the skirt and one on her hip. The top of the dress is cut straight across with halter straps, and the straps and the top I think have logo fabric on them. I like the stars but I kind of wish she had used some of the gold others used. The white isn’t quite the right color. Janeane: the skirt is a little longer than knee length in front but down to the floor in back, with a bubble hem. It’s a long flowy skirt so the bubble hem doesn’t look right. The bodice is fitted with ruffles and a flower in beige and logo fabric (also there is a beige underskirt). And her model walks so slowly it‘s like she‘s afraid to rip it or something. Seth Aaron: wrap top in red, edged in logo fabric, with a logo fabric belt and a gold round buckle, and a black knee length skirt. At least his skirt is a fuller cut than most. Out of all the “full figured” women, Seth Aaron’s looks the best. His model works it.

Mila, Maya, Anna, Amy, Jesse, and Jesus are called out as the top and bottom. Mila talks about the star icon that inspired her. Georgina says the dress is fun but also classic. Nina loves how the branding got incorporated in the strip at the top of the dress, and Heidi and Kors agree that not everyone could pull off that dress but that woman totally owned it. Jesse wanted to “cinch the waist and fill the bust”. His model doesn’t look happy. The judges think it’s costumey and Kors in particular feels like it’s a drum majorette costume. The jacket does kind of remind me of that, especially because it’s so cropped. His branding was to fold the fabric into a square flower like thing on the jacket, so Nina points out how that isn’t that great. Georgina doesn’t like the sash, because the contrasting color is not as flattering as it could be. Nina does like the neckline. Kors doesn’t like the shiny. Jesus explains his wide stripes of logo fabric and the sparkly straps. Kors just sighs, and then says it’s like he took a checklist of everything that could turn tacky and put it all together: short, shiny red satin, rhinestone straps, tight. Heidi says she’s not sure of his taste level. Let me repeat that. Heidi Klum Seal, who wears short, tight, and shiny on a regular basis and WHILE PREGNANT, thinks your short, tight, and shiny dress is tasteless. Wow. Amy made a very elegant dress that moved and was modern, says Nina. Everyone loves it. Anna’s dress, on closer inspection, has a bodice that is one solid piece. There is a skin-tone panel in the front, which is why it looked like she had a split bodice. The stuff that I thought was illusion netting is just sheer straps. Nina and Kors point out that she looks wider because of the cut of the dress. Maya wanted to show off her model’s scar. Heidi is interested by the swirls and the draping. She also has a clutch made from the logo fabric.

Jesse’s jacket didn’t fit but the neckline of the dress was excellent. “Good bosoms”, says Heidi. Jesus is up next. There is much head-shaking. He knows how to make clothes, but you can’t learn taste. Anna’s dress fit horribly, but Georgina says she can see where Anna was coming from design-wise. Mila’s dress had a great use of the logo fabric, and the stars were fun. Amy handled the fabrics well, layered them well, and used the right silhouette for her client. Georgina says she liked Maya’s dress, but she wasn’t sure if she should. She didn’t put the logo fabric on the dress itself, but they like the half-heart outline.

Maya is in. Amy is the winner. She’s glad to “finally” win a challenge, especially this one. Mila is in. Jesse is in. Anna is in. So Jesus is out. He’s shocked but happy he satisfied his client.

Next time: one of the biggest challenges in the history of the show, and one of the biggest prizes. Clown clothes. Not enough time. Nausea.
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